₦airaland Forum

[color=#008855]Still awaiting Olanajim's question, zzZZ

eyonigger:
Nlander's, former contributors with sensible comments and newbies to be, I hereby call on your attentions, my gurl is back from school( with no notification though). She actually sent me a txt yesterday after a long time, speaking in Igbo language, the only line I understood was " kedu" which is like " hello" or whatever sort of greeting that cud be, then today she called saying, " good news", I was like what is that, she said she is back, eyo was like oh ok,.welcome back, she woz like am I gonna come visit her tonight, eyo be like Hhmmmmm Im not sure cos I have been on Victoria Island since tha past one month trying to chill out from Maryland, n then she woz lyk I have to make sure that I come today, me woz like I dnt think im gonna be able to make it, gurl goez well if u dnt come today day I wont be able to see her for a long time, coz she will be returning back tmr for the next semester, then eyo was like me gon see u whenever u come back no matter how long, then boo goez like she is never coming back to lagos, eyonigger then goez, babez its not too bad if we see in the next life, gurly says she was joking that she gon be leaving in a week, then eyo calmed down and said me gon try to see u on friday if I got the chance, then chik woz like get something edible when ur coming, eyo then says u mean my privates? She was like dnt say such, remember am a born again, then I hung up acting assive it was network probs.

People am sorry if una think sey eyo don come again with this chick matter, I know sey pple wey don dey inside this kind movie go share views with me and pple wey dey feel me from the beginining of my first thread on NL which was about this shawty. Should I go and see this chick and talk about what tha heck was up with her regarding her behaviour? Or should I just bone her side finally cos having to tell me sey I should get something edible while coming is just one big turn off to me at this moment.

Yall brotherly/sisterly views/insight is welcomed.

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[color=#008855]Lol, of course topup is more than happy to intervene .

Well 'eyo' I'm having a problem with this one. I think you've proven to be smart and determined to regain control over you life. She obviously still thinks she pulls your strings. I hope what I'm about to say doesn't come out as jibberish because I have many mixed feelings about what advice I should give.

Firstly, I think you playing it cool was fantastic, she was able to calm down and stop threatening you with ideas of never seeing you again. I will tell you that that's a good sign, that she backed down and let you know 'maybe not the truth' but closer to it, that she's not leaving for another week.
Secondly, I think that it's good that you didn't let her take too much of your time, and you quickly closed the conversation. Right now I'm on your side, and about to offer some selfish advise.

Okay, firstly, if you want her back, I think you two NEED to speak, preferably face to face, this is much much better than calling. If you can manage yourself and compose yourself in a face-to-face conversation, my gut tells me that delivering to her the bitter truth about her complete transformation into a demanding, game-playing girl and ways. In this conversation, you can kinda guess whether she's being genuine in her words and it'll be harder for her to lie to you (well it should be).

Secondly, if you opt out of meeting up with her (this will only serve to prove to her that she is losing you/lost you FAST, and needs to stop playing games (if she knows what's good for her). I hope she doesn't have an ego problem, otherwise she might get mad and hold a grudge for God knows how long.

If you opt out of meeting with her, I still think you should have a phone conversation with her, if she is sensible the guilt will be immense, and it should really make her think; "Have I hurt him, that bad that he cannot bare to see me?". Even if she hasn't hurt your ego, the impression that she has will have her making plans for a mense. I know myself I can't live with the guilt that comes from that (as you guys really are sensitive deep down).

Well, I have a lot more to say about this issue, but I think I'll await any response or I could go off on a tangent.

Hope that helped, even if just a little bit.
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[color=#008855]Wow, amazing opening post!! 5 stars!!
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jidobaba:
@posta, Some gals just talk idiotic, non-sensical, moronic HORSESHIT! And to think they're fugly to boot. Of cos ure one of dem. Wowo gals, tshww! Hate 'em

[color=#008855]Nah, I think you've proved that she's definitely not the one speaking 'idiotic, non-sensical, moronic HORSEPOOP!' lol,

The rest of your response is just un-called for. Why such a personal attack, we're you the guy on the phone, come on, you can admit it!!
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[color=#008855]Hehehe, I feel your pain, though at the same time I've never experienced such a thing.

I think guys are just really randy, especially when they're sexually frustrated

What he did would have put me off speaking to him maybe ever again. I like the revenge, subtle but deep I actually think that he'll still think the huge phone bill was worth it. Careful if this guy lives near you, close ALL curtains!!

If you have any more funny stories of Hot guys, my ears are open
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papine:
now, can you imagine someone without any parental care, without brothers and sisters
and you said you have been through it all, you better re-think

you even go school? thats a big plus

I AM NOT HAS HARD AS YOU THINK, I AM ONLY PLAYING SAFE
by not putting all your hopes on a particular thing

i am real you know!!!!!!!

[color=#008855]Can you expand on this? I don't understand what has made you real? If you mean real as in a realist, then HAVE I HEARD THAT BEFORE.

I know people look down at those of us, who are hopeful in life, who won't just submit to the statistics of relationships and love. Is it a crime to at least try, giving up and cheating for the sake of knowing that 'it's bound to happen' will MAKE it happen.
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papine:
Don’t miss interpret me please
If it comes too telling stories about my past life, I am good at it.
But i don’t think this is the right place or time to do so.
been through hell and back in their hands (the woman)

@
gabrywyl I am very sure you where born with a sliver spoon, and I can bet that you have not seen the worst…… so enjoy as long as you can
which one would you prefer, a man that cheats on you or a man that assault you ?

I am jus saying that a man who is ready to accept his wife or girlfriend got in the act!!! is a real man,,
@
kearra if he comes back begging, will you forgive him., that’s the point
but I can bet, a man will receive you with open hands
@
topup. I agree with you is not all the woman, but can you still recall when you where young, what happen to your first love ?

In one word, it’s is not when you go into another man’s or woman’s bed, is cheating
Just think

[color=#008855]Last time I checked, I was exactly sure what cheating meant - and it's different to being promiscuous or having had more than one love.

I don't think I've had my first love, sincerely I don't think there is a guy that I reminise about the great times and have a spot for him forever in my heart.

I'm not sure what that has to do with being real.

Are you saying that cheating is inevitable, because it surely is not. I have never cheatd on anyone, I've always dealt with the matter in the logical order. I know some people have and have repented or mended their ways, I'm sure they won't agree that that's what made them a REAL man or woman.
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[color=#008855]Sounds like the poster has had a bad experience with a guy, and it's hurting - though she will probably respond that she isn't affected what so ever.

"No guy will make me cry."

Anyways, not all guys are like that, and not all women who do that do it for those reasons.

I think maybe you felt sorry for someone and stayed with them only to find out that they were using you, or thought they were better than you, am I close??
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[color=#008855]Thumbs up!!
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tope2000:
Lmao . . . .
Chamo wears skinny jeans to bed . . . .abi i lie?

[color=#008855]Hehehe har har
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[color=#008855]I think, you don't want to do it & you're terrified of her.

I don't blame you. But I think you're fighting the words maybe friends or other guys have told you, and now you're trying to convince yourself that you want it, and how can you refuse if you 'truly are a real guy'. Well, just give yourself some slack, if you don't want to have sex with her, don't.

She doesn't care about you, so don't get guilted into paying her visits or being polite.

I think you should avoid her, because she could easily claim rape or blackmail you, since her intentions are NOT sincere.
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[color=#008855]Revised response after reading he has a girlfriend he intends to marry and is not single,

Even though you're out

I just want to say that you seem to already know what to do, always guard your heart. Don't delude yourself if you think there is still a chance she can swoop you up. I think maybe you should see her before you get married, because unless you are a man made out of metal, you can't help the feelings rushing back and the wedding ring won't change the feelings.

I think that you're doing the right thing anyways by protecting yourself, who knows she might be desperate to apologise, or the guilt could be killing her so maybe that is why she might be trying to form a friendship. I know the guilt would kill me, and you are easing her conscience by befriending her, nothing worse than living with guilt. It would be much appreciated (I'm sure) if she actually apologises, but I think you forgave her a long time ago - right?

All the best with your current girlfriend, hope to hear stories of wedding bells in future.

Take care & God Bless.
You seem like a guy with lots of integrity and maturity.
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[color=#008855]Hmmm, nice topic.

Well, I think if she's mature, just tell her what you told us, you still care for her as a friend, strictly platonic, BUT you can't throw what you have away for her now.

Maybe she's lonely, and loneliness makes you remember the good times and the good ones (and even sometimes the bad ones too!!)

I know what you mean about the nostalgia, I'm SO prone to it. I'm remembering the good times from last year or even two weeks ago .

Well, I don't think there is anyone in my past, who has to date made me want to turn back the hands of time. I made a lot of mistakes and sometimes played myself into the hands of others too much. Giving it my all is the only relief I have because I stayed true to myself, but seriously I don't want to turn back time.

Though whilst saying that; I kinda wish maybe I was back in highschool, the times when my friends were friends, but really that was such a short period of time in my life and the rest of it was overshaddowed by the horror and pain *shrieks*
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papine:
BUT do you know that if you follow the rules of nature, your body reacts to signals sent to it by you mind ?

it is normal and healthy for a young man to think of girls, weather he his married or not, or he has a girlfriend ,,

it is going to be catastrophic if you are got in the act.

in one word, if a man tells you that he has never cheated on his partner before,,,,,,,,,,,i will tell you that, , that person has serious issue

BUT HE DIDN'T START THE PROBLEM, HE WAS THOUGH HOW TO CHEAT, FROM THE SO CALL

''WOMAN''

I KNOW YOU WILL NOT WANT TO ACCEPT THIS FACT
AND I AM NOT READY TO CHANGE YOUR MIND ON WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN

BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT THE WOMAN STARTED THIS PROBLEM
YOU CAN ASK VICKY
she knows

[color=#008855]What are you talking about?? 'THE WOMAN?' Lemme get my hands on this girl, and make her stop, because I can guarantee you NOT ALL WOMEN cheat. It's not a man thing or a girl thing.

SO papine, do you think that to become a REAL woman, you must cheat on your husband or Boyfriend. I don't get the reasoning behind your statements.

As for the natural natural talk, don't get me started, everything we do is unnatural, because man over time has developed away from their natural habitat and some instincts.

There was a time when we had no clothes and that was natural, to this day, some nudists claim "This is how we should be, naturally." Do you agree with them??

Everything can be twisted in favour of whoever is speaking it, but that doesn't make it true. In the end, this is also my opinion, but at the same time, it is clearly (seeing the response to your topic) - it is clearly an opinion that the majority share.



Maybe you're not advising men to cheat, maybe you are just saying that it is inevitable, well you know what, I still disagree with that.
Society has twisted things, I bet men don't even cheat that much more than women do, and cheating can come in different forms, with this whole 'men think about sex more than women' or 'men have a higher libido' than women, if you go around holding those 'statistics' as facts, then what happens when you find that very sexual woman?? "Oh, she'll never cheat on me, because she's a woman?" lol,

*sighs and shakes head*
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pc guru:
Love is overrated

[color=#008855]And so are outlandish statements like those
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[color=#008855]How young is she again? She doesn't seem to love you for who you are, sorry about that.
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sexybabes:
Thanx, i intend 2. Bt still it hurts so much, this is a r/s of 2yrs i'm talkin abt here & i deeply loved d guy,  nt dt i will go back 2 him anyway.

[color=#008855]That's truly sad . Well, I can guarantee that you'll get stronger as time goes on. You may need to take time from him for some time, avoid seeing him e.t.c. to make the break up easier.

All the best.
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[color=#008855]Hahaha, yes, Mario is tres Caliente!!

I like my guy; from average to well-built. I'm quite young so if he's seriously overweight at this age, I'll probably be worrying about him. I find it hard because I have been attracted to all sorts of guys! I can't even bare to start naming from the mere astonishment and slight embarrasment of my WIDE range in men. The impression people get is that I'll settle for anything, when I tell them I'm not too fussy - but I seriously know when I say I want my guy to be at least 6ft that's when he'll be 5ft2 like me !!
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[color=#008855]Doesn't snooping indicate lack of trust though??

Or are you doing the typical 'I'm just trying to cover my back, in case all this is too good to be true.' Which still goes with the fact that you don't believe you can ask her and she'll answer honestly, or you think she may be hiding some certain secrets. Whoever this 'SHE' is.
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Moonstone:
I never cry over boys. It has not happened before. I cry if something hurts me or whatever but I have NEVER cried over a break up. Why cry over split milk? It did not work out? FINE! Move on. . . what's the crying for?

I feel everything happens for the best so I discard it.

[color=#008855]It depends on your definition of hurt, what hurts is not what anybody has done to me, but instead the fact that once again, you get that I TOLD YOU SO, in the back of your head, you have to go back to the beginning and undo everything you've done for the duration of the relationship.
You give back all the compliments, the "I love you"s and you are forced to take back the ones you hoped you never had to take - and you never believed in taking back things you give.

Without being over sentimental, I am not that girl who thinks of wedding bells, but even if the future is not a painted picture, whatever abstract image I painted in my head is now distroyed, someone poured black paint all over it, and it's now so dark and I can't tell whether I'm alone or if you're still there.

Then after a while of stumbling around, it's clear, I'm alone, there's no one else here, no one else is going to pick me up and take me back to the start. I have to fumble for myself. That's fine, it's just with everything being so dark, I just wish I could see where I'm going.

Wow, I lost track I thought I was writing another blog entry there
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Moonstone:
My very first was easy. The day I broke up with him, I had exams and I aced them. I never feel bad after breakups because you should not let anyone determine your mood but you. If I break up, no tears. . . there are many more opportunities to break up so why cry over just one?

As far as I'm concerned, no relationship is worth crying for if broken.

[color=#008855]Aside from crying how did you feel.+
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[color=#008855]But honestly, what is the story about anyway? You understand why girl X feels like you are invading her privacy right??

If she was snooping through your phone, what would your response be?
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oyenit:
the key to get her is in ur hand,

she is the door and u the key,
ladies are so deceivful when it come to relationship, she might like u and acts as if doesnt,

1.Do guys come over to her ,
2. u can tell from the way a lady looks at u( if she like u or not, )
3. Do u bring ladies around the house even when she arounds (does she see u as a player)
Although ladies in the western world like players, although she is nigeria she might not wanna act like that,
so many factors, i can recommend a book for u to read,

work on those things might work good for ya


Another major factor why she might not like u is because (U wowo) u no fine
no shit,


last option u got is RAPE HER u live together

[color=#008855]If she is lying about having a boyfriend, but really likes this guy, it's her fault, if he decides to leave her alone. To me that would show a man of integrity and respect, but if he persevered, then what's to make me think that after he 'gets' me he won't be working on his next chick at the same time?

The guy doesn't respect relationships, yes there should be some sot of sanctity involved in relationships too, I think!!
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[quote author=Ebony-Silk link=topic=254890.msg3661135#msg3661135 date=1238388663]LOL, aren't you full of yourself.

Hissssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss[/quote][color=#008855]Hahahaha!!
Is this story a phoney!?!?!?!!
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C2H5OH:
Please share.  Isn't that the purpose of the threaD?

You are right about the psychological effect.  It almost feels like one is being left for dead.  You start trying to connect the dots, looking for an explanation, you hold on to false hope. . . gaaaah


ebony,
quit being a homer.

[color=#008855]I ain't gonna share my life story but after the breakup, he called my best friends begging for their & my forgiveness, crying down the phone (I was present to one conversation), he didn't call me, but my friends, then he sent one of his friends to spy on me and ask me questions and tell me how much I'd hurt the guy lol, It goes on. Just a lil' taster.
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puskin:
My personal rule, i dnt dump gals 4 wateva maybe d reason. I just allow d relationship 2play itself out. She'll eventually walk away on her own. Dis way she's free of d trauma or emotional mess.
But come 2tink of it, do i date them or do i just f**k them. Hmmmmmmmmm?

[color=#008855] This is a major eye opener, especially the last line. First of all, you're wrong, she's not free of all the trauma and emotional stress, you are, because you mentally have prepared yourself for the breakup before it happens, you're ready for her to say goodbye, so when she says it and is all emotional, you're composed, it might hurt a bit afterwards, but you were ready for it.

Just because you get to break up with someone doesn't mean you had the easier job or your emotions are far less traumatized, it's a speculation but it isn't true. I didn't use to understand it, but now I do, it can be painful to let go of someone you love, even if you're the one doing the cutting off, because usually you're placed in a very tempermental situation, where you have no other choice, and it's almost like you're being coerced into the breakup.

Yeah, I've known guys who would watch the relationship fall because they wanted it to end and when you're breaking up, with them, they're far more collected than you are, because you actually had faith and hope in the relationship.
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[color=#008855]When I dumped my first ex in highschool, I felt relieved and skipped along because he was too immature and it wasn't serious. When he dumped me (when I gave him a second chance) I didn't care, because he was always immature - asking for a second chance just so he could do the dumping this time.

My second kinda relationship, when I found out he was with another girl - It hurt like crazy and I just played along as if I was okay with the whole thing. It took almost a 6 months to get over it - uni helped a lot.

My third and most recent relationship, technically I dumped him, BUT really he dumped me by giving up on the relationship and almost putting the words in my mouth. Like C2H5OH said in his earlier post, I felt like I was being forced to let him go when I wasn't ready. He had withdrawn emotionally about a month before it ended, but I was trying to make everything work, and his confession about his undying love for me a week before the breakup didn't help either. I think the breakup wasn't that bad actually, I think all the psychological stuff afterwards was. I'm gonna keep the details to myself since;

a) errbody's sick of hearing it.


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[color=#008855]This is very ironic.

Well, you must be invading her privacy if you read her diary. I could have told you that. But, do you feel like you are? Why are you reading her diary again (though I have to admit, that stuff is ALWAYS juicy!!)
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[color=#008855]OMG!! Don't listen to them!! YOU'RE NOT GAY!!
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CuteYute:
@Davidylan, iite. I getchu.

@Tgirl4life, thanks a bunch for the word.

@Ebonysilk,
lol, okay.
But on a serious note, I'm just kinda confused here cuz it beats me to think that I might have gay tendencies even though gay activities disgust me. And about the cuddle thing, it's more like yearning to carry a little kid. I don't know if my drift is on track.

[color=#008855]Hi, I just want to say I've been in the same position before, though mine was quite similar, I felt "what is going on with me. Am I bisexual, turning into a lesbian." I can tell you now, that I am 100% straight . I was a growing teen when  Iwas having these doubts, because I had no one to talk to, and the fact that people make sexuality seem like black and white, all the 'feminine' men (those who like to groom themselves and are interested in fashion) are classed as gay. Those women who find the female anatomy sexier than the male, or those who think other women are hot (are classed as lesbians) well I'm here to tell you it's not that simple. Without over-complicating things, I want to tell you, what you have is a girl-crush. This doesn't mean you have a crush on the girl, it's a term, not to be taken literally, but I saw it on the Tyra Banks show. As women, if we find another woman who we want to be like, we can idolise them in a way, that we want to be around them constantly, we think they're figure's great, their face is gorgeous and ,

But wait!! Am I attracted to her, you start thinking; "should I be thinking that she has a great figure?" or should I always want to be around her, isn't that the way I should feel about a boyfriend??

Well, like I said it's not that simple. When you admire someone, you want to spend time with them, if that person is male, then even better, things can happen, if that person is female, the sensor doesn't just switch off, you're still thrilled when spending time with them etc, it's understandable why you can feel like the boundaries are blurring, but believe me, you WILL know if you start thinking about her and you sexually, often.

With this world, thoughts are being placed into our minds at younger and younger ages, and we're all forced to question ourselves at one point or the other. You'll probably get over your girl-crush and you'll stop longing to be with her and idolizing her, the phase passes as you sooner realize that she's just an ordinary person, like you.

Take care and don't stress yourself out.

If you're looking for the idea behind a girl-crush, here are some quotes:

"However, platonic girl crushes are not our lesbian fantasies poking out. They're just admiration. I remember my first girl-crush. She was a friend of a friend of my parents. I was 6 and she was in her early 20s. She was pretty, confident, and just a cool person to be around. I followed her around everywhere. I remember thinking that I wanted to be like her when I grew up. I think the platonic crush is a sort of envy. We think that maybe if we hang around this person some of these qualities will rub off by osmosis. I dunno, it's a theory. Some girls take these crushes to the extreme and start copying everything the crush does. The movie Single White Female is a perfect example of a crush gone awry." http://jozaff..com/2007/07/girl-crushes.html

"Girl Crush: Intense, platonic feelings of admiration for or excitement about another woman."http://www.yourtango.com/2007226/ive-got-a-crush-on-you.html

"No, it's not that kind of 'girl-on-girl action'. A girl crush is where you meet a woman whose sense of style or brilliant achievements or personal charisma makes you adore and worship her." http://www.ivillage.co.uk/relationships/famfri/friend/articles/0,,164_681467,00.html

Hope this helped.
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[quote author=Ebony-Silk link=topic=255201.msg3660706#msg3660706 date=1238373597]nah, your drift is very clear.

You're trying to to assure yourself that you're not gay. You're trying to hate the act to also reassure yourself that you're not gay.

Hmm, I can't believe am saying this, but the only way to be sure that you don't really like her is by trying to kiss her or touch her in any romantic way.

If there's no spark or chemistry, then guess what? You're not gay!! hooray [/quote][color=#008855]I'm not so sure about the test, it could bring on something that might not necessary grow or be there unles nourished.

If you kiss a girl, apart from when you open your eyes and you see a girl, how will it differ from kissing a boy? How will you convince your brain, that NO - that great kiss was from a girl, so it shouldn't be great, it should be bad. Of course, if you reason it, you can make it taboo, but feeling it and doing it probably creates completely different feelings.
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