₦airaland Forum

[color=#008855]Hmmm. . yes. . ok. .  but do you love her?? Sure she promised a lot of things but it doesn't seem like you actually both agreed to get married. Is it because of the sex that you assumed that she would stay with you??
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[color=#008855]It's obvious that you shouldn't have called her names. Not just because she's a mod but because it's against the rules. Yeah, Nairaland is addictive, and frustrating at the same time because I think everything's been discussed already and the topics are getting quite dry, but I still have hope.

Maybe stay away from heated discussions on Nairaland for the time being & possibly even women,

Focus on eyo.
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[color=#008855]All that seems hurt is your pride, thank your lucky stars she left after 2-3 weeks and not 2-3 years.

You don't like the idea of being used, but unless you had some serious plans for her (or at least serious feelings) then you were pretty much doing the same thing to her - it's just she beat you to the breakup.

If you guys had so much sex, it probably meant that your relationship was more physical than emotional, physical relationships are far much more easier to break hold of.

It's annoying, I know to be dumped, but aside from the surprise, I think you should be happy you weren't with her long enough to become attached to her.

Did you know she has a child??
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dae:
you know i been thinkin' that too!!! they have one "but" or another
*not ready to commit OR
*i have a 3 yr old kid OR
*never satisfied with one girl

all kinda BS, jeeeweeez!!

[color=#008855]Yeah, the first of those examples is definitely one I'm familiar with!!
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[color=#008855]I think if any woman in the past has ever initiated anything terrible, it is not because she is a woman, but instead she is a woman with bad intentions. Same with the various men across history who have committed sins upon sins. I don't believe that one man or woman can hold the reputation for a whole population. That is why God has selected several people who he felt were true followers of the faith to carry out miracles and to do his work on Earth.

To the original poster; you painted a picture of perfection between God and man in the garden of eden, and it seems to suggest that it was the arrival of the woman that changed everything, when it is clear that this is not the case. It was the arrival of SATAN at the scene that changed everything, because at one point, God, man & woman all lived in peace.

I'm not sure what God would do if he happened to recreate the world, but I have faith in where he is leading us.
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[color=#008855]Though I think sometimes you shouldn't go and pick at the old wounds, I think the poster has a point.

Sometimes all it takes is for the person who is still holding onto anger, to be convinced that they can let it go. Isn't that what closure is all about??
Though I believe trying to make the person fall-in-love with you, is an extremely selfish tactic, as the post does not address the important issue of seriousness. I don't think anyone who is not sure - but just wants to be with their ex should even attempt it, because if they are not willing to persevere with the technique and be patient or they give up, they will damage things further and even a person who's not good at seeing the obvious will know to keep away from this guy/girl.

Yes, it's selfish thinking you can obtain affection from people as you please, but we have to remember, that you can't grow affection from nothing, if your ex doesn't feel anything for you, then you won't get far. It'll be very obvious, their behaviour won't be callous or harsh, it'll be indifferent. Body language that states "I just don't have time for this." instead of "because you hurt me SO bad, I can't go there." Pain can subside, but how do you create emotion when the person's feelings for you are dead??

I think equally, there should be advice posted on how a girl can avoid these tactics, because sometimes your heart tells you to go for it, but you are aware that the guy beat you, or did some very nasty things. Being weak, you can fall for all the tricks, but being smart, you know that you shouldn't go there. What sort of advice is available for someone who wants to stengthen themselves against such tactics.
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[color=#008855]Yes, every act can be forgiven if that really is your goal. Luckily for you, you say you've moved on and so you should be less affected by her stories and maybe at least from your side, you can establish a friendship.

I believe that you should forgive her because then you can let everything go completely. Without forgiving someone, we're still holding onto the pain and hurt and negative memories. If you want to complete the final stage of letting her go, you have to let what she's done to you go also.
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[color=#008855]A covenant, since you're not supposed to break it, whilst a contract, there are loopoles (if that's how you spell it).

(But like a contract, there is always the small print that everyone forgets to read before marriage saying; "This is not easy."
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READ FROM HERE IF YOU DON'T LIKE READING A LOT:

Okay - stay focused topup. Today, what happened was, I went to tell my dad and ask if he had any knowledge of the guests, and he agreed he knew but didn't agree. He agreed he wouldn't be rude like he normally is (by the way, he dislikes the aunt because of some deep family issue on his side, my mum thinks it's a pact that his mother made all the children hold, they are against my aunt's choice to marry a man who wasn't of their choosing, despite the aunt being a cousin to my dad). So I knew there was going to be trouble; 'the wife who disobeyed the husband part II', anyways, so I decided to opt out of slaving over the oven and rushing about the house, almost to cause a scene so my mum would STOP doing this!!

They arrived, and about 5 minutes of my dad ignoring them and being disrespectful, he started packing his clothes, took his laptop and barged past me, he was about to walk out of the door, when my mother came to speak to him and he started calling her names; "You wicked woman." "It's evil." I know I may not have explained this properly, but my dad has a temper, he has to get away or else he'll explode, he barged past her and was heading down the stairs, my brother ususally really passive and unemotional, practically threw himself at my father and hugged him tight, preventing him from leaving, this was in the corridor, and the guests could easily hear the commotion. So at this point I go and close the living room door and act as the distraction whilst my father is being talked to by my brother and mother, (there's more, but I gotta take a breath of fresh air.
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[color=#008855]Lol at the responses. I understand that it's a thing of life - if you're Nigerian that is.

But, if I had time to continue (before my little relative came to bug me - cos these kids these days are SO INSENSITIVE to drama!! - Man, I remember when I was a kid, I knew when to keep quiet and not ask questions).

Anyways, I'm used to my mum taking decisions on behalf of the household and her parents have stayed over for 4months, and my father's mother came for 2 weeks and his cousins 3 weeks, and another set of cousins for 2 weeks, and then some daughter of my mum's friends for a MONTH (and that girl was unpleasant!!) and more aunties and uncles.

I am not inhospitable, it's just about timing, I had to look after my grandparents (whilst my mum went out to work) whilst I was completing my A-Levels. Also, the girl came during my GCSEs and she was a terror (she was the star of: "when the girl from the village thinks she's made it" (not a real movie) I swear she spent close to £400 of our money, she refused to spend the £75 she brought herself because she said it was too little >> lol), then they fill up all our holidays,  and okay aside from the complaints. I was actually going to discuss a real issue.

The guests are tearing our family apart. Despite my dad not being a permanent resident here and spending up to two months max. in abroad with us, he still has the nerve to be shipping his family (who outcasted us during the earlier stages of my parent's marriage). His mother has disrespected mine, and her and her daughter and two grandchildren just decided to stay - mind you I never talked to these people, and we had to force everything. But it's been okay. Then his sisters come and stay as they please - despite them plotting against my mother and giving my dad advice on how to deal with her before. My mum never stands up for the things that really matters - and I understand that it's very hard.

Man, I know this isn't rare in Nigerian families, but it sure is stressful and makes one heck of a story.

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[color=#008855]I always thought blogs were a place for people to glorify themselves, but I've read a few that are 'just as', no sugar coating, just insight into the person's life.

I started my blogging when people told me to stop posting essays on Nairaland, and that I muse too much - but I just love to muse.

I thought that I had something to offer, and was hoping one day someone would contact me and say something along the lines of; "I know how you feel." - because I've heard so many people say it to me, but they don't even know me or how I think, so how can they know how I feel??

My blog has no topic, no pattern, it's just me. The way I think deep down inside, but I've been having problems with over-editting my thoughts to suit the reader. Surely when I'm feeling things, I'm not thinking in common sense, grammatical accuracy??
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[color=#008855]At the poster; do you really appreciate the essence of marriage?? It seems to me that you're taking yours for granted. Like someone mentioned before, some people would kill to find the qualities you've found in your girl in another girl.

Lastly, your wife hasn't changed, if anything you have, and it's funny how so many guys want their wives to stay the same.

Marriage is not about mix'n'match, what if your 'next candidate' has other habits??

There is no perfect marriage and if you are able to talk things through with your wife, perhaps these problems can be solved without divorce. Divorce is a very major issue you know?!
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[color=#008855]If you believe in God and have a relationship, pray to him, because sometimes, you need hope and faith to get you through the tough times, sometimes you don't want things to make sense, you just want to avoid being the person who has to sort them out.

What's done is done, and I am terribly sorry about this, you must be in shock (from the sound of your topic). Maybe get another test from another hospital (if possible) - and try your best to work towards a good future for your unborn child.

God listens to prayers.
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[color=#008855]Good points made.
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[color=#008855]I'm quite confused about an issue and was wondering the type of advice I'd receive.

Basically, my mother frequently loves guests to come over, I have discovered that she actually enjoys playing the role of the perfect housewife - sometimes at all costs. She likes to make room fo people and pretend like they don't inconvinience us - well maybe it's because it's not her bed they're sleeping on e.t.c.

Okay, today she called me and told me that we're expecting an aunt today, but this same aunt is married with children. What kind of notice is this?? She hinted heavily about 2 weeks ago, but we both discussed it and I told her how much this time I wanted easter to be a family thing and that I don't like being stressed during my holidays from university - she seemed to agree, and she acted as confused as I was. She even hinted that it would be a member of my dad's family.
We left it at that. So today, I get a call on my mobile to wake up because she's gone to pick them from the bus station.

I am furious, and to make it worse, this particular aunt and uncle are family that my dad has fallen out with. He too is very annoyed by the whole situation. He still doesn't understand why despite his warnings my mother has taken it upon herself to invite them over. In fact, the whole house is (to be continued),
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[color=#008855]Skinny fit jeans in the petite section 30/31" leg from TOPSHOP. Hot!!
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[color=#008855]And no one has even mentioned in-growns. I think because of our hair-type, black women should try to shave/wax less but groom and trim often because, that way you can get rid of a lot of hair, but not ruin your bump-free skin.

I was watching on tv how this dark skinned woman was so used to waxing, but then she had developed terrible bumps as a result. The bumps were awful.

I'm not sure if there are any black women out here who can testify to no bumps when they shave their legs or their bikini area. It's just a tough situation, no hair is in
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gemeze:
2face sang about true but i doubt if it really exits,some people are not to share this same world with the good ones because they are heartless,[b]i believe that a heart break from a girl to a guy is more dangerous than a heartbreak from a guy to a girl.[/b]i am a victim of it presently.

[color=#008855]Hmmm, the pain of heartbreak is making you say things that are extremely biased.

It's a shame that yet another guy has been heartbroken, but it'll make you stronger, really. No doubt, you'll be able to appreciate love if you ever get your hands with it and handle it the right way.

As for the last part of your last sentence; heart break is heart break, and it hurts full stop, no matter who is doing the breaking.

Hope your recovery is fast and that you learn a lot from this, but mostly that it doesn't scare you from loving ever again or being a true and dignified guy in your future relationships.
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[color=#008855]I think the problem only arises when the two people are on completely different wavelengths. I have seen mature guys date immature girls, and it works, I have seen it work the other way around as well. But when the lady is so mature that it intimidates the guy, then there is a chance for something to go amiss. The guy can feel dominated, predictable - and guys don't like seeming predictable or managed or handled by anyone.

Another is when a mature guy is with an immature girl, he might have visions about the type of future they could have, if only she was more ready for it, but instead her childish behaviour can have him appreciating her genuine character but not appreciating all the drama that she brings along with it.
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[color=#008855]What are your reasons for getting back with her??

And my advice is to only get back with her if you think this time, it's going to be forever. Sure, it may not last forever, but with that mindframe, it'll sure last longer than if you went in with an attitude that you've already failed.

Why are you apprehensive about getting her back, there must be more to the story. Is she still mad at you, do you just miss her friendship?? Is she single and still interested, you need to find the answer to these questions before you can even decide what's the best method or action.
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[color=#008855]Yeah, why jeopardise something when it could potentially work out. Don't bring on the demise of your relationship!!

If he hasn't done anything to make you doubt him, then trust him.
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[color=#008855]Stop answering his phone calls, and for your safety, it might be worth it getting a new SIM card - "at all costs" sounds very stalker-ish.
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[color=#008855]All around you, do you know how many guys have resigned to the fact that there are no good single women either??

I can't tell you to look in certain places because I think it matters more on the time, sometimes you have good guys all around you, but you don't notice, or maybe their too preoccupied and don't behave 'good' at that time, who knows, there're so many reasons.
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[color=#008855]At the original poster; did you think that she smelt before you introduced her to your friends, or is it your friends who have convinced you that she smells??
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[color=#008855]Start an active lifestyle, play sports, join the gym, keep fit, pay more attention to your appearance, and you should be on your way, to gaining attention from women, friends, and that always boosts the confidence.
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agwoko:
@ topup

you almost make me cry with your reply, you are brilliant.[/color]

[color=#008855]Thanks. I don't know what I said, but it must have hit a nerve. Take care.

hollandis:
Sorry,I don't get your drift

[color=#008855]My 'drift' was summarized in the next sentence, "We all talk the talk, but do we walk the walhk."

It's nice to hear everyone's opinions, yes sometimes it's not always as simple as stepping up, especially if you're really good at picking out good matches, but it's the specifics such as humour and general attraction which determine for you if the person is a keeper.

Well, if your ex was a liar and a cheater, it's much easier to step up than if 'things just didn't work out'.
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[color=#008855]This story's too specific to have been made up.

Did this happen to you Orikinla??
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