₦airaland Forum

[color=#008855]Good thing you're not dating already, you don't have to put all your hopes on her. If she refuses to believe that you're a decent guy (assuming you are one) - then that's her loss. See it that way, there are many sweet girls out there, only time will show what type of guy you are, but don't wait up on her, because I highly doubt that she's waiting up on you.

I appreciate her honesty, because she is only letting you know her doubts and if you feel there is any other way of showing her that you are not a 'skirt-chaser' then do it. However, I think that any smart girl would just observe you, because now you're on alert, who's to say when the two of you are together that you won't chase skirts?? Who's to say that once you've bagged the girl, you won't ever be tempted.

Just be honest with yourself - not all calabar guys are skirt-chasers and not all girls are sweet.

If you really like her, just tell her that only time can tell and that you genuinely like her and have the best intentions for the relationship.
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C2H5OH:
Snooping indicates a lot of things.

There are many different explanations as to why people cheat.  Take this one for example
You just got out of a 4 year relationship that ended pretty badly with the guy cheating on you.   You later realize that this person dropped hints along the way that you should have picked up.  In this relationship, you want to avoid the same thing happening to you so you pick on every little detail that goes on.  If this new guy you are with starts acting in a way you find suspect, your curiosity heightens and you kinda sorta want to make sure everything is fine.  Instead of asking him, you are afraid he might lie to you like your ex did so you go behind his back to find the truth yourself.
LOL


If someone gives you a reason to feel suspicious, you are not imagining it.  
I would encourage you to follow your gut instinct.  It's usually accurate.

[color=#008855]So you use the happenings of the previous relationship to dictate your actions in this new relationship to a completely different girl??

Why not just work on being yourself, even if the new girlfriend has a problem with you that could cause her to cheat, I am sure snooping is not going to prevent a thing, it could even accelerate the demise of your relationship.

I don't know, I'm strongly against snooping.

How about I give you this scenario, my ex would insist on checking my text messages, sure he'd ask to 'see my phone' but he'd take ages browsing it, and I guessed he was looking for suspicious texts. I often caught him looking at me, I woke up often to him staring at my face, thinking things. The guy was not settled, now ofcourse because I wasn't doing anything dodgy, I slept like a baby and didn't have any suspicions. You find that often, the most suspicious people are those who have something to hide themselves.

Have you realised that once a person cheats in a relationship, if the other person forgives the cheater often becomes paranoid, and starts thinking that they too are being cheated on.

Who knows, maybe you felt like snooping because you weren't being yourself, you were being what she wanted you to be. If she doesn't have the guts to tell you what she truly thinks of you to your face, then that's her problem. Enjoy the ride whilst it lasts, and don't give it any opportunity to bust, you don't want to be the one who's to blame do you??

Now that you've been snooping she has an excuse to use to explain why the relationship wasn't working, when in all honesty, you only started snooping when you felt something was amiss.

Give the detective work a break and work harder on becoming a better boyfriend, a loving, caring, understanding and reliable man. After this, she'd have to be a completely lousy girlfriend to want to get rid of you.
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[color=#008855]I know a friend who is adamant that she has to sign a pre-nup before she agrees to marry her man. Now, I know this has been brought to life by american tv, but it exists??

Are you prepared to sign documents to 'cover yourself' in case of a divorce or do you think it's setting yourself up for failure??

My friend views it as an 'in case' type of idea, like an insurance, but my response was; 'accidents are inevitable', whilst divorces are not.
If an accident is going to happen, it is going to happen, yet a couple can choose to give up on their marriage.

She believed I was being silly not to sign one, and if I ever found myself in a position where I had to get a divorce that I would wish I got a pre-nup. This is exactly my point, the pre-nup sounds so sensible and rational, it almost makes the idea of a divorce become more of a reality, it makes it that much more tangible, whislt right now, in my fairytale world (as I was told by her) - I'd rather like to believe that divorce is out of the question.

Opinions??
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[color=#008855]Never would I pack condoms, it's like admitting you've lost the battle before it's even started. Why send out such signals?? I hate the idea of accepting infidelity as a common thing and 'it happens'. It should be an outrage, yes I guess the woman believes she's looking out for herself, but she obviously is not willing to trust any man she might end up with, to be pre-empting things is such a dangerous route to take.
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[color=#008855]Anytime, you feel free enough to ask. If you find that you never feel free to ask your man any favours or to tell him what you really want or need, then maybe then it's time to reassess the balance in the relationship.
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brutal:
Every white or foreign women wish to have a feel of d black man's sugarcane.she might secretly wishing and dying to have a thirst of it.y not arrange a black dude to mess d madness out of her 2 cool down d temperature.

[color=#008855] You forget that you're advising a sister to set up a sex mate for her >>MARRIED<< sister just so that she can realise that once you go black you never go back. Lol.

Tough situation Gabrywyl, really it is, it seems you've tried really hard already, tried to argue it out, stick it through with him (6 years!!), tried the heart to heart. It seems the only thing left is to marry him (if you're planning to that is), she's being stubborn, and sometimes older sisters can be, especially if the type of relationship you have with her, is one that she's usually in control and advises you what to do. I hope she hasn't made any threats about disowning you as a sister, and I hope she's not being irresponsible.

Apart from being racist, are there any logical reasons why she detests the idea so much?? Is your boyfriend a worthy match - come now, let's hear the honest truth. Is he your perfect guy?? Or do you often complain about things he does to your sister??
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[color=#008855]About the comment about sanitary pads, that's a bit of an exaggeration don't you think??

Anyone with choices and option would not opt to use used pants. Do we mean panties or trousers?? Trousers is understandle, panties indicates that the person is actually in real nead of anything they are offered.

Used pants, hmmm!! I just pray that the person doesn't need to rely on this as a long-term solution. Not all of us can afford brand new things, when a human being is willing to jeopardise their health for things like this, we can either conclude that they are really disadvantaged financially, or they aren't that educated about the diseases you can catch from improperly handled used intimate wear.
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[color=#008855]He doesn't believe you??! Well, I hope he's kidding because lack of trust from the onset of a relationship is not a good sign
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[color=#008855]I've learnt something new.
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[color=#008855]Yup, with the new year, everyone's asking and pestering you, what you're going to change, how are you going to become a better person, which baggage are you going to leave.

It's a time to reassess your life and if your relationship is tying you down then you're more likely to see it as the next thing to go
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[color=#008855]Hey everyone,

Talking about romance, here's a simple question;

- Have all your new b/fs or g/fs (successive ones) - been better than the last.

Here we are advising people to let go of the past and aim high for the future, but is that really the case, are we making improvements or would you say love is still a game of chance for you??
Do you wish you never left the ex because of your current girlfriend/boyfriend or do you not let yourself get in that situation in the first place??

You see where I'm going with this, dontcha??

We all talk the talk, but do we walk the walk - enough with the movie lines, opinions please:
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[color=#008855]Awww, your mother must be disappointed, but I think who should be disappointed is everyone in your ex. He's still behaving like a little boy, maybe the breakup hit him hard.

Anyways, it's in the past - if you want it to be. Work on restoring your mother's trust on you, he's not worth your time, with silly games like that.

The majority of adults know not to play these silly games.

All the best with finding a MUCH more mature guy.
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[color=#008855]A very difficult situation. If you have her email, I guess you could send her an anonymous email (from a different account), saying that you're someone she knows who wants to give her the tip??

I know it's childish, but being told you smell just will destroy the ego, better be someone you don't know that someone who has been around you for such a long time, who you care about deeply.

If she's the sensitive type, I guess you could just bring up a topic, where you're both seeming to dicuss turn-offs and you could talk about women who smell really good being a turn-on. The typical human reaction is to take note and make an effort.
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[color=#008855]Now, that is something.

I don't understand what good it will do for the children not to have a mother, and if the story ever unravels, it'll become obvious that the man was co-erced into marrying the corpse, wait!! Is that even possible?? Traditionally, maybe but not legally.

I wonder what the poor girl would have wanted for her children.
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[color=#008855]You don't need to post her picture. I think that's distracting from the point. Are we more concerned about looks or personality??
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eyonigger:
I no send this dudes wey dey yab nigger_eyo, na them be the maIN sisi's, in fact as I gangster reach, her love make me melo. Topup and lanajim I appreciate u guyz, the way am seeing thigs, my gurl is gonna come back to me though it might take sometime. Funny enough I found out that day that she came to write jamb, meaning her admission in FUTO did not go through, so I think she is going to be around for a while now.

Again, u guys yabbing me, if una see this chik, una go fall in love, apart from her beauty, she is funny and down to earth, na school just 4k the whole thing up. Tops n lanajim, should I post a pic of mine and her's so them haterz could see what a perfect match we are? Or should I jst bone it? Lol

[color=#008855]I think, you have to be careful dealing with pretty girls. Seriously, she's not oblivious that she can get away with that much more. I think what eyo has to do is to be different to the other guys. If she is as beautiful as you say, you have to realise maybe drooling over her like the other guys won't make you stand out, that is why she stood to attention when you didn't do as she said, saying you couldn't see her and you would try your best to see her but can't say for definite. Pretty girls aren't used to rejection. I am not saying you should act as if you're not interested in her, because I too think that she'll be back, BUT I think that you should at least let her know that the world does not revolve around her.

It's funny how you told her that she's not as good looking as she was before, especially when you're here telling us that she is gorgeous. I hope in a way she doesn't know you still deeply care, it'll give her time to truly analyse her relationship with you.

Would you really be happy if she only returned to you by default, and not by choice, through not being able to enter into school, she could return to you, but who says that when another opportunity rears its head, she won't forget you like she's done before??
It seems like you really love her, because you honestly want her to come back (hopefully not for ego) - but for love.

Take care & all the best - as usual I always have so much to say about your issue, but have to stop myself from over analysing the situation.

Can't wait to hear from you, when you tell us that you're back together & stronger than ever.
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[color=#008855]For me, if I find you attractive and I'm single, it'll come naturally, and the worst thing I do, is sometimes I flirt, when I can sense if someone is interested in me, even if I'm not that interested in them.

Whilst in a relationship, it's like I have a blindfold, I don't flirt with anyone, it's really hard for me to even lead any guy on, or to get really friendly with him.
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[color=#008855]You want to join him in his game?? You know if you stoop to his level and it backfires, no one here will want to sympathise with you .

It's a terrible thing he did, and you just have to look at it as him being really immature. Shame on him, we're all on your side - well until you start fasting for his death and wanting to voodoo him .

He probably wants a reaction, and if you carry on with the rage, you're giving him exactly what he wants.

Just accept it as in the past, anything you do won't change what's been done. Easier said than done I know, but please don't stoop to his level.

- Just tell your mother that he made everything up, if you are worried of punishment. He's 30 years old and you are probably around that age too, so you're a big girl now, a telling off should be the worst that could happen right??
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[color=#008855]You could have an evening of pampering for him, where he doesn't have to lift a finger.

Back massage,
His favourite meal,
His favourite desert,
Any other saucy things he likes in the evening

Or if he's been asking for something, you could save up for him or do it for him. It could be an item, or something that needs fixing e.t.c,
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[color=#008855]Wow, you shouldn't need a forum to tell you that family comes before anyone else, where's the loyalty. Did you even warn her about him, did you warn her that he's a player, or did you just stand back and watch. It seems that the relationship between you and your sis is a fragile one, I mean why would you introduce a guy you dislike to your little sister??

I wouldn't even let him see my friends let alone my sister. He was introduced to her through you, so you're tied to the situation sorry. Stay loyal to your sis and if she's not mature enough to make mature decision, view this case as if it was happening to you, how would you like to be assisted, do that.
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[color=#008855]It depends on how much I love him, family will always be family and if he is worth fighting for, I will fight for him, and pray that my sister comes down from her high horse.

I know how much responsiblity will be on my shoulders, having to reassure her that she's not been replaced and such.

I think this can be sorted over a heart to heart conversation, it works all the time for me and my sis, we're very close (used to be a lot closer though ). The heart to heart reassures the sister, where they stand in the other sister's life and let's both sides understand the other.

If you just fancy this guy, I still think try your best with the relationship and just ignore your sister, but if you are sure he is THE ONE, you should fight for him and have the conversation.
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funlad:
going into another relationship might not be the best right now, why not take time off relationships/men for now, you've been thru a lot dear, after 6years, dont u think you need to study urself and to know what you trully want in your next relationhip, keep yourself busy by going to the movie/gym and get more closer to God if you are a christian. then you can now decide

[color=#008855]I agree!!
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[color=#008855]It seems to me that you are 'doing' relationships with your mind and not considering what your heart wants. I read on this forum a while ago from iice that you should try and make sure you've covered all options before walking away from a relationship, so if it ever rears its ugly face, you are sure you've made the right decision, and won't want to go back.

On the other hand, you did spend 6 years of your life with this guy and the memories are probably resurging. With what intentions did you leave him for this new guy?? Are you only thinking about marriage - it's such a serious issue, you really shouldn't be with someone just because you want to get married and they are heading in that direction. Consider all the other compatibility issues, like personalities and vitality in the relationship.

It's perfectly normal to feel confused when an ex resurfaces, it reassures you and starts making you think, what you two had was so strong and everlasting that he's back, but in all honesty, you're just making his actions fit your story. Don't worry yourself too much, this is where I would advise you to really take a step back and try and think about whether the ex is genuine, whether he is worth losing what you have with this guy, and whether you are willing to risk being heart broken again just to try things out again.

The decision is yours and ultimately you may choose to stay with your current boyfriend or go back to him, I think it's all a learning curve, and unless you do what you want or what your heart wants, you may always have doubts 'what would have happened if I, '

All the best, take each stride with a dose of wisdom.

Peace.
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[color=#008855]Take it for cheap?? - because they don't understand it's worth or how to handle that rock, but if they only polished it, they would see the diamond shine back at them, and realise that it's worth far much more than they realised.

Fools fall in love?? - Maybe I should change my name to fool I love love.
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[color=#008855]Thanks!! I really appreciate it, not everyone thinks so though, and that's okay with me because the ones that think so are more than worth it. What you said is what any girl would love to hear, don't we all want to be original, different, everybody thinks they are are misunderstood and different, but really underneath it all, we're all the same.

Take care.
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[color=#008855]We definitely have to look at the bigger picture.

What if I asked; "Would anyone get married to a person who graduated with a first class and got a job in their first year, made millions, but now is an alcoholic, and drug user and homeless." What do you think would be the average response??

I think it's not as simple as what degree the guy graduated with. I know how difficult completing education can be for some people, but it really boils down to luck, determination and ambition.

If you don't have high goals, you won't aim high enough to even glimpse at your goal, however they invented the word underdog for a reason. Just because you were disadvantaged from the start doesn't mean that you'll live that way forever.

I honestly believe that with hard work, wisdom perseverance and all the above, you can come closer to your dream than without it.

A man who has these qualities is one to be admired - with a woman who is equally ambitious, they are destined for success. I truly believe that.

It would be difficult for me to marry a guy who had a 3rd class degree if he did not make anything of himself or try the best with what he has, because I am sure my parents would not want to allow it, however, it is the quality of the person that matters,  to me anyways. After all I would still be disappointed if my parents were to be so shallow that they could not overlook his previous predicament and to believe that he truly is trying for much more (if he's actually trying that is).
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ifihearam:
You have spoken well,and i understand everything you said,obviously boredom is playing a role here but the truth is that for the past one week i have not spoken to her,my interest is declining much faster than i expect,and i think that might be the end.

[color=#008855]If it is the end, thank your lucky stars, if you're a great guy, you really should be looking for a better candidate for a relationship. She doesn't seem like the faithful type anyways - well you never know.

Anyways, for your sake, I hope that you lose all desire for her, so you're able to think completely rationally, and make a decision that is best for you whilst you're not in too deep.
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minute:
*Looks shy*


Am not a judgemental ass . . . Backside, Am I??


*Shows puppy dog eyes*

[color=#008855]Lol, no worries, I'm refering to the brief discussion above my reply. Word's like slut are being thrown around, those words really won't do much good for a woman carrying a baby that she may not want to have,

We don't know the full story or whether it's even as straight forward as it's been made.
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Hollysmile:
@topup, yeah u right!
A lot of pple came up wit all kinds of contributions. Some are misleadin, while others were constructive (most especially urs).
You too much, gal!
Thanx!

[color=#008855]No problemo, hopefully, things are going smoothly, maybe join a gym or a sports group, get in fantastic shape, and just refine yourself, breakups are the best time to be selfish, and just focus on you, you and YOU.

As for the above comment, that's the beauty of Nairaland.
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[color=#008855]There's no need to be sketpical if you both love each other.

Really. Because at the end of the day, she didn't kneel down, and then put a rose in her mouth and bring out a ring, hold your hand and kiss it, then swoop you up and wisk you away (and if she did, still what's the problem!!) she was just communicating to you straight off - no pretence, she said how she felt, and I don't think in anyway she de-masculinized you or jeopardized anything. She was brave, and you can rest assure that she can't wait to be Mr.whatsyourname

All the best & God Bless.
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