₦airaland Forum

Raymand:
Been there, done that! but i think i'll meet her soon, gawd i love her soooooo much




[size=16pt] PRIEYE I LOVE YOU!![/size]

LOL is she on this site, if not, she will never know or see this declaration of love.

Well my b/f let me go b4 'he hurt me' as he put it, but I know he'll regret it, though we only went out for 3 months, he shared so many deep secrets, insecurities, fears and goals. More than he's done with his best guy friends he said. I have to squash the hope because he is actually doing a great job of ignoring me now, though initially he tried to contact me when I was still in pieces and I ignored it, but now I am actually ok and ready to be friends and guess what he is ignoring my messages! Ai! Anyways, I was curious in your post Raymand because my ex told me 'maybe if you're still single and i'm single in the future', though I know I am a fool to believe and hope I cannot help it, I did not want it to end. Also he told my friends that 'I am the only one for him' but he 'is not ready',

I really have to get therapy, I keep repeating this story. But it is helping!

OH MY I AM SILLY! I just made an identical topic just now, about 'letting go of someone you knew you'd never find anyone else like'

I'm not sure, I actually believe I will find someone who will treat me better, though the ex didn't treat me bad until he started doing the whole distancing thing and ignoring my texts and taking long to respond. I'm still not decided whether I loved him or not, I actually think it was more of a 'I miss him texting me, complimenting me, and hanging around and flirting, smooching etc' type of thing.

Hi,

My ex said 'I found the perfect girl at the wrong time', 'I still have feelings for you', 'You are the one for me but I'm just not ready' and 'I just don't wanna hurt you' , but if all this was true, would he have left me in the first place? Ya know? If I was all that special would he have left me.

Girls can answer too, have you ever left a great guy, though you knew deep down inside that he was perfect for you?
Guys, have you ever left a great/perfect girl?

IF so what were the reasons?

In my case I think it was because he was moving away and wasn't ready for full on commitment that is required for a long distance relationship to work.

I'm a nice girl, I think my ex wasn't ready for how lovely I was, I am not blind, a lot of my guy friends tell me that all the time, not just my girlfriends who are trying to cheer me up. A lot of them say they don't know why I was even with my ex in the first place. I'm a nice girl and I don't think I finished last because it's his lost he opted out, he'll never find someone like me again! I mean that, I am one quirky girl! Unique! (Don't we all like to think!)

There are meds she can buy, I pray to God I wasn't that bad, my family and friends never picked up on it, but my ex sure did and he teased me about it.

It's hard being a virgin, how many failed relationships you'll have not because you don't get along, but because you want to have sex with your husband and your husband only, you see it only shows you what state these men are in, though there are cases when the guys ends up falling in love and seeing marriage potential in a woman, if a guy leaves you because of the above reason then he obviously did not enter the relationship looking for a wife. Most virgins when they reach a certain age > 20 they really need a good reason to lose the virginity, they become their own person and peer pressure is almost inexistant so it is even less likely. I wish people would understand that it's not easy being a virgin and that it's not as if we want you to leave us, we just have a greater desire to keep it, and ultimately I have heard to many stories of men waiting 'til whenever their girlfriend/fiance/wife was ready to have sex with her. As for the men who are virgins, I believe that it's SO much harder for you guys to avoid giving in, because these days men have such high standards to live up to in the bedroom, to be the one who must perform and such. I congratulate you men.

One thing though, I believe is that just because you are a virgin doesn't mean you should be oblivious to sex, try and keep in tune with your body, know what it looks like, how it moves, how it reacts to certain types of touching. It sounds like perverted advice, but really if both people are in tune with their bodies then it is a lot easier to communicate what the body wants to the other

OH Come back HR.Hotness! You said you did a Post Grad in architecture. I am currently in my second year studying Architecture, as a black woman studying and esepcially in Post Grad please tell me more. How old are you btw, is it not a 7 year course in Cardiff also?? I hope you see this post, it's so lonely, there are 3 black women in the whole 250 people in my year,

You can say that again o! But they look for different things in girlfriends than they do in wives,

I think it was two things:

-he is moving away, graduating from univerisity, so the long distance relationship would have had a toll on our relationship, I think he tried reversing us to being friends, but he did it by becoming completely unaffectionate, btw these are just my speculations he never told me the full honest truth, he just left me with the words 'I don't think I can commit to you.'

-maybe he also felt if he was to be with me, he'd have to get married to me before he got any action, but I discussed this with him and he said he was ok with it. The problem was that he was into casual sex before me, though when he met me he told me he wanted to be serious for once and try something that wasn't merely physical. I think it was too hard for him to 'convert' hmm? Ya know?

I get where onyinye2 is coming from, I have seen it with my own eyes, I have seen couples when they look at each other you can tell there is that something, but I believe the main idea that all marriages should be like that is from movies and hollywood, a lot of people just decide, 'yeah why not' someone you may feel pangs of love for when you're ready to marry and he has an attractive job may not be someone you feel pangs of love for when he is broke and struggling to make it. The situation you are in determines what happens greatly, only a few people will actually go to any extent for love. Now as I have matured, I no longer believe in the 'I will know' or a 'great feeling will overcome me' type of mentality. When I look for a potential serious relationship, I am now looking for potential, health/medical history, past, future etc, And when all that is in check believe it is a lot easier for me to see 'the man of my dreams' in him

To the OP I've read before and the funniest thing is my Ex boyfriend used to watch me sleep though he said sometimes I snored hehe. I used to wake up with him staring into my eyes and then he'd quickly pretend to be asleep. He used to cook me meals, he used to always make more room for me in his bed, he used to hold me tight, he used to call me to check up on me, point is he did all of those things. AND HE STILL DUMPED ME!! HA!

Wow, StephenP the topic is not to be taken personally, if you're not a man who follows his basic hormonal urges only then you should have no reason to feel at all offended.

Do guys genuinely have sex so they can be great in bed with their wives, so it is an incentive to their wives.

OR

Do they do it because they enjoy it, they're young and can get away with it, and just use the excuse above?

Just when they're single, casual sex.

Our society is biased towards males, but every woman makes her own life for her, if you are willing to fight you will get your justice, find a man who understands you need support in the household, one you won't even have to ask to cook for himself when you're taking care of the baby, what kind of rubbish is that?? I thought things were supposed to be 50:50 in a marriage and so if you're wife and you are both working, but she has to come home and look after the kids and make dinner whilst you just have to take off your socks and watch tv, how can that be fair. There are extremes to this too, when the woman sits at home and does nothing, but controls the finances or spends much of it on herself. My point is that people need to learn not to be selfish, and try not to marry someone who is.

Just apologize and keep apologizing, I think she took it to mean, you don't find her attractive anymore or not as feminine, and when any girl feels that way the easiest way is out, no point trying to compete with another ideal. But she may have got it wrong, you meant it as a joke in which sense, and have her breasts actually 'fallen'? (I'm not completely sure what you mean by that, as in they've decreased in size or are droopy?) - Maybe you were unlucky to have picked on an insecurity and now she's making you pay for that!

That was amazing, and it wasn't copied (I hope)

1. MY MUM--------------for tolerating me and always supporting me, being both the mother and father
2. MY SIS--------------- for being there for me and helping me through the teenage years
3. MY GIRLFRIENDS -- for allowing me to trust again in my fellow women
4. Nairaland Women- because by doing your little bit online and defending your fellow (oblivious women) you are making a difference, enlightening people from all over the world.

God bless
(HEHEHE just felt like adding that!)

I find it hard to believe that guys genuinely have the best intention when they have SO much casual sex, I really do.

I can't help but think 'the practicising' is not so much so that they can satisfy their wives in bed, but so that they can satisfy their appetites during the times of hormonal urges and their youth. Though a wife will be truly grateful that her husband isn't terrible, is it an unrealistic ideal to think a wife and husband cannot practice with each other and learn specifically not what women need but what their ONE and ONLY wife needs in the bedroom?
Every woman is different and no matter how much you know about women's bodies in general you will have to start from scratch when it comes to learning about your wife's.

Give yourself more credit MEN, you are smart fast learners, it won't take you a lifetime to understand how it's done, no need to be so rushed about it now.

If anyone objects to that last sentence they will be admitting that it is because they are young and can get away with such things , that would be the only reason why there would be a hurry to 'f***' as many 'chicks' as they can.

I actually cannot help myself I must say more!

After he came over to chat, he seemed desperate to find a way to regain my trust, since when we broke up I told him that I didn't think I could be friends with him since he'd broken my trust, he asked if there was anyway he could get it back and if we could be friends again and I told him maybe but I needed time. Immediately he cracked a joke and I lost myself and I laughed, when he left he kinda forced a hug which I regret accepting stiffly. About ten days later he messaged me online cracking a joke, and then saying 'its been a while since we talked' I just couldn't understand why he was being so casual, he'd just broken my heart. I ignored it until I was over the anger, when I was I sent him an email thinking we could now be friends, I sent him an email wishing him all the best in his future - we won't be seeing each other around at all next year (different locations). He didn't reply, then I messaged him telling him to read the email and he finally messaged back saying 'thanks' and that he's 'checked it, x' I was confused by the kiss. I waited for more response, but nothing so 3 days later I messaged him casually too, like nothing happened, telling him maybe we don't speak because he doesn't come online on messenger when I am ending the message with 'and that's how I break the ice' I thought we could start being friends again. But nothing, the next day he came on messenger I thought he was going to speak to me but when he didnt I started a conversation and I just said a casual hello and he didnt reply. I sent him a nudge and he didnt reply either, and thats how its been since (though I recently messaged him to say congratulations for finishing his degree),

I think I have tried my best, the man doesn't even wanna know me right now. If he doesn't reply my last message, I have decided to leave all efforts of a friendship behind because it is stressing me out!

Well, I noticed the red flag, so I drove to his place to have a chat with him, I cracked some jokes, he laughed a bit but didn't really tell me why he was being so distant and tuning out. So I left him to think for a while, he contacted me a couple of days later and came over to chat, there I believe he finally worked up the balls to tell me what was wrong, and he told me he didn't think he could commit to me. Now tell me that there was something I could have done? In this case, it wasn't as simple as 'you're missing our dates' or 'you don't reply my texts' or 'i feel unloved' he was trying to break up with me. So I took what I had left of my dignity, and I told him there maybe no point to us continuing, he didn't argue or fight back so I told him to think about what he wanted from the relationship. That same day I called and I told him it would be better for us not to see each other, and he did not argue, not fight, not comment, he just took it, like a release or something. He came over the day later to talk, and I was civilized I layed it down clearly, I didn't want to be with someone who couldn't commit to me, I talked to him calmly but emotionless the whole way through, and he didn't fight it. I'm gonna stop with all the info there though. I'm not sure if I handled the next set of events so well. We're not on speaking terms despite me trying to message him. I don't want him back, I just don't like pretending that he doesn't exist.

Unless you're planning to marry her and make love to her NOT this-virgin her, then NO! Please do not break her heart, she could report you for rape too!

I think some men have unrealistic ideals, every woman is different, and certain races have certain characteristics, like someone else said it's not just naija girls!! If you want other girls, e.g. oyinbo girls who you think don't have this 'problem' go for them, but don't come back crying if you can't find oyinbo woman with flat belly at big bum!

Hmmm, well guys do mature slower than girls, so maybe they are still finding what they want in a woman?

I have noticed that yeah, sometimes they want everything, sometimes opposites. Like my ex liked me because I was very strong in my faith (or at least trying to get closer to God) - that's what he said (am I gullable to believe it LOL) anyways, but he probably left me because he had too much sexual frustration and wasn't ready for such a committed woman.

Apart from that example I believe that there are women out there who can be these things, a woman who is willing to be adventurous in the bedroom because she is very intune with her body and doesn't mind trying new things, but knows that sleeping with many men isn't going to do her much good. A woman who is humble but knows how to defend her beliefs and not just fighting over the toilet seat lid. A woman who knows how to look good but also took time to learn how to cook and take care of home.

Men are entitled to that, same as how I expect my future husband to be strong but emotionally open at the same time, tenacious but understanding at the same time, practical with money and romantic, not a player but knows how to make me swoon, is in tune with his body so even if he is a virgin he at least knows how its done (it is possible since sex is very natural).

It is possible to find people with these qualities, that is why when a man who has found a woman he complete adores and respects, he seems to describe her in such a way that you may not believe how a human being can be all these things.

Nah, out of sight is NOT out of mind with me, when I was with my ex he was constantly on my mind, and when our relationship developed, I thought about him when I was alone, I never forgot about him, wanted to know if he was okay and stuff.

But I'm not sure if we'd gone out for longer if I'd still be able to remember him as often,

He could be playing games, when he dumped you did he apologise and explain his mistake, it's not good enough him wanting you back you also have to find out why he left you in the first place and see if you think the reason was respectful, because the reason why he dumped you could show a lot to his character. Watch him, he knows you still have feelings for him and can take him back just like that, please do not let yourself be manipulated. Find out what he did in the time you two were apart, no kids, no wives, no lovers?

Well first of all, all the things you mentioned were very superficial. Did you ever try to see the potential. Women are very good at seeing the potential in men, what he'd look like with a good haircut, a shave etc,

All those girls just had to do was to change their hairstlye, fashion sense and wear makeup and now you're on their case,