₦airaland Forum

Kobojunkie:
Your assumption is wrong! In Nigeria, all marriages are required to be registered in the courts to be considered valid. So those who do traditional marriage without so much as registering the marriage at at least the local government marriage office, are not considered married by law.

you got no idea of immigration and visa, its not nigerian embassy that will issue visa in this circumstanes but the the american embassy and it will consider how they have been living

its not always that you have to show that you are married, eg there is what called civil partnership in the west world so your marriage is recognised by nigerian customs as marriage in the west world it can recognised as civil partnership whereby family laws apply to as well, meaning you also taken as married people when applying for the visa

married legal or not is not really a single reason that you might get a visa

Pascopele:
Following the post on this thread https://www.nairaland.com/7080619/father-dragging-moms-property-me

This may be useful for some of us buying properties. It is a court verdict

IF A WOMAN BUYS A PROPERTY IN THE NAME OF HER HUSBAND, IT DOES NOT BELONG TO HIM.

Where a woman buys a property in the name of her husband, it does not belong to him. Rather, the husband is holding the property in trust (as a guardian, to help her keep the property) for his wife. However, where a husband buys a property in the name of his wife, the property belongs to the wife, and it is seen as a gift from him to her.

This was what the Court said in JOLUGBO & ANOR v. AINA & ANOR (2016) LPELR - 40352 (CA) (Pp 27 - 29 Paras A - D) where Hon. Justice Amina Adamu Augue JCA (as she then was) said that: "The law also makes a distinction between the husband and the wife - when a wife buys a property, and conveys it in the name of her husband, there is no presumption of advancement in favour of her husband; he holds in trust for his wife.

However, if the husband purchases a property in his wife's name, this is prima facie a gift to her - see Silver v. Silver (1958) 1 All E. R.523." Thus, if a man does not desire to gift his wife a property, it should be bought in his name or in the joint names of himself and his wife. Please share widely among family, friends, colleagues and associates.

Thank you.

Barr Pasco �

there is No one stamp fits all
cases each case is dealt with it its own merits

Nightaccountant:
Please my dear nairalander, i sincerely need your help
Am married with a child but not yet wedded. I've completely settled her bride price list remaining their bride price token which rhe items required are kola nut and 120 naira and another #15 according to their traditional rites which I intend to payoff on our forthcoming traditional ceremony.
But here lies the problem, my wife is that kind of woman who sex starves his husband. She always expect me to beg repeatedly before she agrees to love making. She sees it as a weapon, and am growing tired cos it lowers self esteem ( someone who experienced it would understand better). Sometimes i struggle my way through while she's fast asleep but if she unfortunately wakes up she will be crying as if am ra**ing her. I don't know to do cos am not a woman type which she knows, am depressed b'cos its too early for this
Secondly she never apologize despite any gravity of her wrong doing. Instead she'll start giving me the silent treatment and plays the victim. I don't knpw if she sees it (marriage) as a competition. Recently she forgot my birthday making it thrice in a row despite alerting two days before it. And guess what she never apologized. She always wants to be treated like a queen while she never reciprocate.
I've had a heart to heart conversation about it to the extent I even woke the up at late hour (2am) to confront her about the consequences of her actions but all aids to nothing, gradually am losing the love I had for her but am just holding on for the sake of our child.
I cross heart i have never cheated on her but by the way things are going It seem like cheating might be my last lifeline which I might regret
Please I need your sincere advise cos it's early for these. Dear nairalander help save a marriage

there are few things that i want to know like how is the child, what is her normal day like and how was sex before you married? Did giving birth affect her sex drive ?

most african men we demand sex instead of initiating it through many especially with digital era, text during the day how you miss making love to her etc by the time you get home she would be Hot

Try to help with house chores or being romantic eg while she cooking help her cutting oniions eyc or hold her say nice things eg baby the way your body is moving is killing me, by doing such your killing some reasons she might say like am tired you would have helped in chores hence no reason to say am tired

For not saying sorry dont always expect it in the heat or soon after a misunderstanding, its sometimes better to reengage the subject after few hours or day eg explaining yo point of view without being judged

The idea here is to exhaust any excuses your woman can use against you to deny you sex, after exhausting all avenues any reasonable person would be able to back you up

Finally tell her the truth that you are using sex a wreapon no different to a man who wont give wife money for food becoz he is pissed off with her

Kreddy:
There's this girl I've been dating for a year now. I met her at a friend's wedding. I've met her mother before we went far in the relationship and thankfully she "yessed" the relationship. Two months ago, I had a disagreement (due to her unfaithfulness) with my fiancee. I was a little bit tensed and I ended up calling her a dog. I really love her, there's a time I visited her out of blue,She asked me to sit which I denied,I angrily asked her if she put a charm on the chair for me to sit on. It took some weeks before we came to terms again. I was not aware that all my statements had been reported to her mom.
Last Friday,I was publicly embarrassed by her mother. I was with her on that faithful night,in the middle of our discussion,her mother just showed up and told me she can't marry me. She made allusion to my utterances, (charm). I left the spot shamelessly.
Now today the girl visited me and asked me to impregnate her to avoid being given to a man who's being giving her mother money.
This girl was raised by a single mother,her elder sister was also supporting the mother. it's only her immediate brother that's against her being given to the man. The man, who's being conversing with her mother and sister on phone,wants to make her the second wife.
The main issue is that, I'm an undergraduate at my penultimate year, living with my parents. I can't yield to her request (impregnating her) which might be disastrous, I'm not financially stable. The girl really loves me and I do too. She burst into tears when I told her to follow her mother's Will. I have lost my sense of reasoning,I can't just arrive at a logical conclusion.
What should do??
This night,she also confided in me that my brother's wife who's related to her father,used to tell her mum how wicked my mom is, that my mom use to control her children. This I didn't really see it as an issue. If I were to take up this matter,my mom would really not take it lightly. Though I was advised by my younger brother to confront her on it. But I'm resisting the urge.
I really need your inputs on this matter.

you marry her you will be always compared to the man they had chosen for her

already are not the chosen one they wont have to help you whenever problems arise in the marriage

sometimes we under estimate the power of family the family doesnt like and you dont have the finance to stand on your own, your marriage will be always attacked

worse you said she was raised by the mum, what the mums says goes

Tradegood:
Lol, why would any wife think to build "her" own house? I know women build and own properties but I have never really seen a woman admitting that her husband's house is his house. It is so weird. Maybe the husband made her feel so?

It means the house your husband built is clearly only seen as his??

I ask because, my understanding is, when a man builds his house with his own money and he is married, both the man and wife see it as theirs.
The wife nor the husband does not go about thinking, "it is his house" but "our house" get?

So for you to be thinking of it as "his house" and with a future intention to owning "your house", man! The thing is confusing me.

So, even though you both are married, there is still a dichotomy to his things? I don't really get...

You don't really need to explain things to me, I am just trying to explain my state of mind when I read your post.

some when built their own house as reaction to things around them 1 culture were women end up loosing what they built together as hubby and wife (eg brother ls of the late husband taking over things as per tradition and culture)
2 hubby has lots of children with different women the moment he dies whatever wealth will be divided among the kids and their mothers
3 having property or wealth being passed on direct to blood related people aka inheritance through blood line

then finally both wife and hubby can pass on wealth and property to their children (bloodline) and their wife/husbands would be be entitled to such wealth and property but on their children

in simple terms ( son/daughter -in - laws shouldnt inherit any bloodline pass on wealth/property

Slynation:
Lol...Only applicable to your tradition The son in question is already a grown up living in his own house built with his own money, just get the fact straight that a man can't claim inheritance from his wife family by marriage unless it was all willed to his name...QED

Most people who are driven by culture and tradition customs dont even think that way or see it that way

what fail to see is that wealth or property can taken over by another family by virtue of marriage which very very wrong, hence as most africans they had a system to prevent such which a bit hash to women eg if hubby is rich, if he dies the women cant walk away with the wealth they aquired for the wife to enjoy the wealth she had to either marry one of the brothers to stay with with not seeing one while the kids grow to inherit what was left by their father

She could go away with the wealth it would be lost to either to the knew men or the woman's family

Most people dont understand, family trust and most african way of system disadvantaged women, made men steal from (what is left by his brother)

In this case the son is very right as per (western world) in protecting that was created by his grand father (mum's father) then passed on
to his mother ( this father has no right) becoz he has no direct blood link ( his father is just a son -law period)

This applies to women too (under the same rule) eg this guy's father was handed property by his father aka grand pa ( his mother can
not claim that property ( she has no direct blood link she is just a daughter-in-law)

we go further if the father passes that property to the current guy (his wife can inherit that property becoz she has no direct bloodink but there kids can

the idea here is to protect properties/wealth etc that has been created by a family NOT to be absorbed/ stolen by the daughter or son in law

a good example is Charles and Camila, if Charles dies while he is a king it doesnt mean Camila will inherit all the Windor family worth, she is limited becoz some of the wealth are for those with direct blood link only not by virtue of marriage aka being a son/daughter in law

VictorUSA:
A neighbour of mine whose from a family that are both muslims and christians laments.

He's 19 and from a well to do family.He is the last child of the family and happens to be the only son.

But he is faced with two conflicting views:his mother is a muslim and want him to be muslim too while his father is a christian and wants him to be a christian.

What should he do? Honestly, your take on this is highly needed.

this doesnt make sense, why is it a issue now when the boy is 19

religion values and association doesnt start when you are 19 , its start from the day a child start to copy what adults do eg from 2 years old

how has religion values and teaching have been implemented in this family set up all these 19 years ?

Good morning all.I just open this new account to remained anonymous!

I believe this the right section to post this,I need mature minds and advice's,because am writing this with a sad and heavy heart.

I have find it difficult sleeping since when I came across a WhatsApp messages on my younger sister phone (last born) who is just 20 but would be 21 by Dec.

She is in her final year in the uni,very intelligent girl,even her course mate's do tell me that,she is supposed to have graduated from the university last year but Covid and ASUU have not help matters.

We came from a strick Christian family.my dad and mum have tried their best to bring us up in the right and best way!

It happens during the weekend I was home from work and my phone was down due to reasons because I couldn't charge it overnight.

So I decided to make used of her phone to google something on the Internet,the moment I put on her data a particular WhatsApp message came in saying 'Bleep YOU.

This made me shock and I decided to check it out.only to see erotic and sex chats about Cumming with this boy saying he don't last long,who she claims to be her boyfriend or what according to the chat.

To the extent she have been send sending him money(saying she is sending him the money not because of what between them but because she loves helping people).I have never known her to be having a B.F.

I have seen the boy few times when ever I go visiting in her school,they both school together in another state.

After some few hours to think right,I confronted her about it only for her to deny it,that it was only just a chat that nothing was there,claiming i invaded her privacy this got me angry and her slapped her.

I collected her phone to show her proved of what I saw to my greatest surprise the chats has been deleted.

This is a girl that have never look at me in the eye's but on that day she looked at me shouting on her Voice..

Please house I don't know what to do because am confused right now.

I would be needed your mature advice's on what to do next!


sorry for any typing errors.

your approach to the matter was wrong i wont focus on her privacy but i want you to build a picture of her world and the best way you would have used to approach the matter

1 your is 20 at uni, uni groups people in one place and there is a high chance of your sister picking one person she likes or being liked by someone and her liking the person, its a situation that your sister has to navigate through feelings and proper guidance of balancing uni, dating and avoiding pregnacy if she is already sexual active

2 now you have seen what she is too, find aways to adress your concern without spilling the beans that your saw her conversation, talk in general how guys in uni can mislead her or even getting her pregnant or use her for money, spill the beans on
how guys can distract one's education and things to watch out for in guys

3 your approach closed the opportunity to guide her without accusation and failed to address her vulnerability due to age and being far from home were there is less monitoring of her moments moral etc

CsRockefeller:
Hello guys and ladies.

Need your thoughts on the topic, what do you think about getting married to a very young lady and training her through school after marriage?

Background Story

I've been looking to settle down since the past 2 years and there has been no luck. The exposed and educated ones are a bit too difficult and proud. I love my women ambitious and educated, but the ones I keep meeting especially in Lagos don't seem interested.

As a young man in his late twenties, the temptations and causal flings aren't encouraging. I want to settle down soonest and focus on other things.

Now, there's this young girl I saw in my village the last time I traveled about 2 years ago, she should be around 20 right now. Very young and pretty but hasn't gained admission to school yet. She's the first born and her family aren't too comfortable. I was discussing about her with my mum, but my mum said she isn't in school yet. I'm thinking of funding her education, after getting married to her that is, since she's still young and very homely.

She's not my preference as I said earlier but the mature one's seem to be waiting for one Prince Charming to sweep them off their feet.

What do you guys think?

lets take away your plans and focus on two things

1 pressure from society and families to see her pregnant within a year --- this might affect education plans ( families and society has no clue on your plans somehow they might put pressure on you or both

2 the two of being young regular se.x increases unplanned pregancy which might affect the plans for education or period of education

Fiscus105:
. meanwhile, if ur husband chooses his mummy too for his next of kin just because his mother try for him too. How will you feel?

You guys should learn how to make ur husband/wife be ur own flesh of flesh.

Purge out mindset of marrying because of kids alone

there is always conflict in such a situation especially if the two were legally married, mum will be contacted in the case of an event (incident or death) as the 1st contact but when it comes to other legal papers the surviving spouse is the one who get contacted

YINKS89:
but still it's bad for business if you ask me

yes i agree it bad for business to come and be served at your own business, other family members can come and have family discount etc for if wife or hubby comes to be served like any other person its not good i agree

Pavore9:
Ideally it should be one's spouse but things are happening that now gives excuse for not doing so. Just like the example l cited in the thread where men were asked if they could live in a house built by their wives, the woman inherited a twin duplex from her late father's estate, (they still live in a rented 3 bedroom because of hubby's ego) she put the name of her children on the property sidelining the husband n retaliation for his insisting on his younger brother being Next of Kin even after 9 years of marriage.

The woman felt her husband did not trust her then why should she trust putting his name on the property. Though this issue is straining their marriage, the woman no send as she can't afford to have husband family feel it is also part of their brother's property!

both are right on thier own ways

1 husband is right to refuse to move in the house, becoz he might end up too relaxed not to have their property (aquire & built their own) and also he might also be abused by the wife for moving into a her family property

2 the woman is right also in puttining the kids names on the property as the property is being passed on generation to generation (like a family trust ) then imagine if she puts the hubby name and kids then she dies (hubby )will inherit the property and if he dies before the kids, his family (hubby) will grab it of which the property belongs to the kids and the mums side of family since the property was passed on by the wife's father


wife has the right to protect passed on assets from her family side, not to end up in the hands of her husband family

Ebelelivinston:
Good morning great minds.I have a fiencee whom we have dated for four years now.I just graduated from one of the federal university because of Assu strike,we are yet to go for our NYSC.I grew up with my brother who owns a business that we run together.Ever since my brother married, things haven't been easy with me because of his wife's attitude, though the business is booming.My fiencee currently opened a business and rented an apartment for us to be leaving and doing the business together.Great minds,the advice I seek from you people is weather I should stay with my fiencee and do the business or I should go back to my brother's business?

i dont know how you think if business with your brother is running ok why not have your own place?

Living with your girlfriend is ok but you said she is renting for US what is that relationship fails she will kick you out

Have your own place be in control of were you live

YINKS89:
So I was on Twitter this afternoon when I stumbled on this interesting topic where they where asking if the wife should collect money from her husband for eating in her restaurant.

Nairalanders my question is this if you wife owns a restaurant and you go there to eat are you to pay or if you are the husband that owns the restaurant would you collect money from your wife.

Cc: lalasticlala broadcast and let's hear what people has to say.

very simple

but no clear answer it depends on what the staff was told on how to deal with relatives especially hubby or wife aka the policy of the restruant towards close relatives

eg relatives dont eat together with customers, they go to the kitchen get food and eat in the staff room

mixing with customers can confuse staff who to serven1st etc priority is not relatives but customers

problem with most africans is they want to be known by customers as owners treated like a special customers, whereas they should humble themself

odikomo1:
Why

simple

if a woman cheats you start to wonder if the kids are even yours

then for women even he cheats she doesnt wonder if the kids are his

africamediang:
People Do Ask Why Some Children Turn To Gay, Lesbian And Bisexual While Growing Up?
There are many things that can change a child’s lifestyle while growing up, but in this article we are talking more about sexual orientation, what makes children grow up and turn to being gay, lesbian or bisexual?
When it comes to sexual orientation, it is a part of who you are. Some children turn out to be lesbian, gay, straight or bisexual while growing up.

Research shows people become aware of who they are attracted to at a very young age. It doesn’t mean they have sexual feelings at that young age.

In my opinion, here are some reasons why some children turn LGBTQ while growing.

1. Environment.

The environment plays a very important role when it comes to a child growing up. Things they see can change their lifestyle. Parents need to be very careful raising their children because the environment can play a negative role in their life. Children are easily moved by things they see, so the environment can play a positive or a negative role in their life.

Parents should be very careful with the type of friends their children are in contact with, mostly if the child is above 10-20 years. This age is very complicated if you don’t pay more attention to your children because at this age they make as many friends as possible, and such things can impact their life positively or negative way.

2. Movies.

Parents should be very careful on the type of films or movies their children watch. Most children practice what they watch, so seeing a man kissing a man or a woman making love to a woman, they would like to try such an act. Before you know it, they are addicted to doing such a thing.

You should be very careful on the type of films your children watch at their early age, mostly from the age of 6-18.

Read More>>>>>https://africamediang.com/why-some-children-turn-to-gay-lesbian-growing/

Can you explain the gay/lesbian in the bible ?

where they watching movies too ? or the environment

Diarygirl:
Hello nairaland, please allow me pick your brain. A young lady who attends a different church from her mother's, is about to be married and the mother threatened not to attend if the solemnization isn't done in her church. Is it that serious?

you have to look at it with these 4 points

1 is it fair for someone to have part of their dream be cut to fullfil someone dream's ? do you still call it your dream wedding or mum's dream wedding, You can only wed once no one should impose their wish on someone special day

2 Having been going to her own church means she has more support from people within her church its easy to navigate etc then her mums

3 The mum is doing it for her own pride, would she be happy if eg her own mum insist that their own aniversary should be done at her mum's church than her own ?

4 there are things you can honour other people by doing something to honour them but a wedding is not, its something you can no repeat unless if you remarry so why not the lovely make it thier own


sometimes a self reflection is needed

efficiencie:
Dude don't be a mumu. You are sending money to a woman that packed out of your house. She has left your jurisdiction. She is accountable and responsible for herself and the children now. Don't sponsor her stupidity by sending her money. If you keep sending the money to her you will plunge into poverty and she will ditch you last last if you do not recover financially. Finish that house. Put it up for rent. Invest in other businesses. The same leg she carry go outside she go carry am come house when she see wetin you don achieve. You be Igbo man na.

your responding like typical man, but i want you think deeper, if he doesnt send money for the kids, the kids will suffer or neglected that will
damage the kids forever and that might also make the kids hate their father in the future

For me i would still send money for the kids and keep record, that record will rescue me in the event the mum lies to the kids that your father never helped

Whether separated or not we still have to play our role as parents providing for our kids whether divorced or separated. Most men wont look after thier kids after separation due to the fear that the mum might eat the money with a new man etc but you cant be the judge and jury
how the mum will eat your money

But let time and records speak for you, time as in: in the long run time will tell who is a good parent. the records will prove your support incase mum lies to the kids

continue looking after your kids and dont rush to be proven right and dont give a woman excuses to poison your kids with negative comments about you as the father

Dont deprive your kids what their meant to enjoy and gain from u

Lantycool:
Pls I need advice from experienced married people. Can you allow your wife's elder sister that is divorced to live with you in the same house. What are the likely consequences and the merits

the fact that you are asking us it means something is not right with her may be its fact that she is a divorcee or there is something negative about her

if she wasnt a divorcee but widow would you have accepted to life with her ?

there is nothing wrong in helping people aslong they share how long do they want to stay for etc

its not your responsibility to look after her but can help if you can especially for a temperal stay

minasu190:
Hello,my wife complain about my sperm being watery and she said i should stop my intake of alcohol..pls guys what could be the causes of this damn watery sperm?pls help.

your story is half baked

Why is she worried about your aperms being watery?

Are you trying for child ?

ConfirmLagosboy:
Yes, you are right...If we were to be other tribes like Hausa, I won't even be bothered cuz I know they marry their cousins but if you are Yoruba, you will understand how they do their things...

if you say am right then you and the girl are not related by any chance she is the daughter to the brother of your uncle's wife

am none nigerian so i got no clue to tribal traditions

but the scenario you gave here shows the no blood link but being relatives through marriage of your uncle

where i come from you can date, usually it has to be serious relationship that high chances of marriage becoz either side does not want to be ashamed incase of denying responsibility when the girl falls pregnant

So generally the both brother&sister ( girl's father and yo uncle's wife) will keep a good eye on your reltionship same with your uncle, he doesnt want any war with his in-laws caused by you

DrFunmisticGlow:
it's called uterine prolapse. It happens.

but its not common to teenagers but 50 and above

ConfirmLagosboy:
Good day everyone. To start with, I am a Yoruba guy. I travelled down Kogi state to my uncle's house (my dad's cousin) for an assignment, while there I got bonded with my uncle's wife elder brother's daughter and ever since we have been chatting and it has been so intimate and I am beginning to like her likewise she too... My question is this, is there anything wrong with such relationship?

Note: We are bother not directly related. My uncle who happens to be my Dad's cousin ( I.e his own father and my father are both brothers) married the wife which happens to be the younger sister of the this girl's father...

Do you guys think we are related?

Pls, just advise me cuz we are both in love and I want to seek advise from people.. We are both Yorubas. Thanks.

I think i got you, the girl is the daughter to the brother of your uncle's wife am right ?

i think you got people confused when you tried to explain how you are related to your uncle hence you said your uncle's father and your father are brothers am right ? of which there no need to explain that hence people are you seeing you as related becoz they have assumed that the girl is uncle daughter --- unless i also misunderstood it

Barrister026:
Pastors wife wants the junior pastor to be reporting to her if her husband is not around or any issue at all during church service.

She try as much to be in charge when her husband is off in another Church to minister.

This nearly caused a problem in the church today, while I was going home surprisingly a friend of mine supported the pastor's wife.. that she's the first lady of the church of God if her husband is not around.
she can represent him anytime to coordinate like most churches

What's your take on this issue is it right?

Most new churches are run like a family home, if daddy is not around mum is in charge

you find that if husband is a prophet wife becames a prophetess, its like a sexual transitted disease that can passed on by the virtue of being the wife of prophet

Emmanuel224:
personally I don't have a problem with that, but that ratio just doesn't seem ryt to me. It means she has more than half of everything in a family of 5

ok cool but remember she is the one who worked for it as helping your daddy indirectly cooking for him making sure the home is comfortable for him to have a peace of mind etc

are your other siblings grown ups ? grown ups you deserve less becoz you can work your own money and buy your own

its the under 18 and mum who must have a bigger share then, for the grown ups you get a second chance when mom dies before she will redistribute her ownn share the way she see fit

Emmanuel224:
So there is this family that have been on the edge because of the inheritance left. The mother insist that she takes ratio 2-1, which means if she takes 2 plots the other children take 1 each. Is this supposed to be so? Is the mother supposed to have more rights than the children? Is this an acceptable ratio? Or it's unfair.

Pls I need voices on this.....FP if possible

Feminist will have a field day with you

Back to the story, it very funny how most african tradition only respect the wife(mother) when her husband is alive the moment he is dead she is treated as an outcast i mean some are sent back with nothing

Image they have been married for 20 years regardless that she was the housewife but she maintained the home from cooking to cleaning and when husband was working or whatever he did it wife and children, meaning wife is the 1st beneficiary the kids

Tell me the reason you think kids deserve more than the mother ? Do you think its just a thing that was embedded in us while we were growinng it and we think that the right way

Most men favour tradition inheritance system because it favours them (MEN) when one's brother dies the surving brothers rush to inherit becoz of greedyness

Lets put tradition away and lets reason sure you build your wealth with your wife and then someone just takes over simply becoz he is your brother ? why didnt you marry your brother and built with him, the wife should inherit the wealth automatically, kids under 18 inherit through the mother, then for grow up its up to the mother how she distribute it either by giving some direct or wait your time when mother dies wealth is passed on the kids.

Have you ever wonder why most african we dont own property or wealth from grandparents, its that greedyness where relatives of husband grap everything and the surviving wife and kids suffer and die poor, no wealth gets pass on eg from mother/father to son then son to his on kids becoz they have understood the passing on of wealth and creating a legancy

So let mum inherit what is due to her she worked for it and am sure if she treated fairly she pass on the wealth to her kids

Would you feel the same if it was your own sister being treated like that with her own kids? trying to get a bigger position of things they didnt work for ?