Hintona: I'm almost 20 and my parents have never mentioned anything about sex to me, not even to tell me me about abstinence.
When I was in secondary school, I hear my friends discuss about the things their parents told them about sex, especially that infamous line "don't allow a boy to touch you, if not you'll get pregnant" , and I'll laugh with them but I could never relate. The only time my mum has even come close to telling me about sex was when our neighbour's daughter was raped, she told me I should be careful with boys and even if I wanted to have sex I should use a condom, I was quite surprised though.
Even my Dad who's more conservative have never even mentioned the word sex to my hearing before .
I wonder if they'll ever discuss it with me, or maybe it's too early, or are they shy or scared to approach the topic.
PS; I've asked my neighbour about it and she says the only time her parents tells her anything about sex is when they are quarrelling her and they'll be like "if you like go and get pregnant and come back to my house, I'll throw you out".
And I can't even broach the issue with them, there are some questions I would like to ask them about sex and I feel they are the only ones who can answer them.
I'm a bit worried.
its too late to talk about sex now, i mean that sex guide for girl, usually that talk should start the moment you start developing breast and that time you start your period
If your mum never talk about sex or men who then guided you through 1st period?
@ 20 your mum should guide you towards either sex before marriage or how to use contraceptives to avoid unwanted/unplanned pregnancy
7pages: Nairaland Car Gurus please help me find permanent solution to my golf 3 car(America spec) doing overheating barely every day
I started experiencing this over heating after the change of fuel pump and speedometer censor was changed by a recommended Rewire
I'm using this golf for commercial business, nothing give me any issue in the car than this over heating, is becoming embarrassing when I carry passengers and it started. the car is clean and engine is working fine
it's relay today, it's the water in the radiator boiling tomorrow, I'm becoming sick of this. my mechanic told me when it started this night that my gasket is damaged in the process. I put water in the radiator everyday because of this over heating
please what do you guys suggest as the permanent solution to this over heating gazzuzz Sienna royallord1 and others and I wouldn't mind a recommendation of good Rewire. I reside in Lagos.
the chances that your head gasket is gone is very high, you need a mechanic who is good at investigating a blown head gasket and also check for leaks within the cooling system
Bonshak: Pls.help.ibwant to buy a Nigerian used Camry muscles 2010 but I noticed the abs sign on the dashboard is steadily on without blinking.What could that be?
on average its usually the ABS sensors, you need a scan that is able to do ABS scanning and should tell you which wheel/s has a faulty sensor
Muna4real: Is rape only for the unmarried? Or can a woman sue her husband for rape? I'm just asking, is it lawful?
1st what is the defination of rape ? and in that defination does it mention that its not rape if the couple are not married ?
Then it wouldnt make sense to only SUE in a rape case, if you only sue it means you are seeking monetary compersation and the person walks free then would we call it rape ? or a case of sexual abuse ?
In real rape case you both file a rape case and sue at the same time
But remember am not denying that a married woman can file for rape against her husband, Rape is forced sexual intercause whether married or not
DonDemu: I have been a silent reader of Car Talk for a number of years and I must say that I have benefited a lot.
I am from one of the northern states where we have only one car diagnostic center. We call it "wajen car computer" which literally means the place you can find a car computer. That should tell you that my people over here do not know much about car diagnostic and those who know are being ripped off of their hard earned cash at "wajen car computer" just to scan their cars.
So I picked interest in opening a car diagnostic center and may be run my services at a cheaper price and also run a robust awareness campaign/advert on the radio on the advantages of scanning your car to detect issues in order to bring in customers.
But the thing is
I don't have the knowledge to interpret the codes gotten from the scans.
Is there any way I can be able to learn it? Cos just like "wajen car computer" I intend my services to be that where I just scan your car and interpret the codes detected and its left for you and your mechanic to go fix it.
akpunda86: Hi fellas.To God be the glory.ladies need ur input.The rich also cry.I got married in 2008.was full of life married a young lady of 25 as we believe fertility increases wit young age.well along d lines my wife always took in but miscarriages occur.Ten miscarriages.Infact Lagos gynas are crooks.one of the reasons we moved to Enugu. In Enugu we met a popular gyna.who adviced once she takes in she come.As God want it my wife was admitted on third month of marriage baby born on seventh month.placed in incubator.My bills was in millions but as God want it a way opened and all debts paid.
Our second kid came two years later at full trimister.
So as we want anoda kid but not now but i always ask my wife when safe to have sex and she gave me green light.Kasa burst she took in again.i was in site and she called me by 2am.i was scared cos tut robbers came. Said having pains.told her go hospital nxt day.went and after scan doc said ectopic pregnancy so cs operation initiated.
So right now we all fine but my wife said she z is not having children again that im free to go outside meet any woman but for her is done.
It pained me i was weak.im tired thats why i need advices here. Infact touching her from now im scared as we have spent heavily in dis hospital.
Getting a second wife no big deal for me but wat happens when im gone.I thank God for my two beautiful kids but is four i planned.
Im planning renting a new apartment once i see a matured lady but is painful to me.
Sometimes as African we lack or should i say we switch off motions and one is meant not to feel or understand emotions for another fellow person let alone your wife
Your wife so far she has gone through 10 miscarriages and you expect her to be just normal no effects mental emotional forwads sex or having kids?
How does she feel over loosing 10 still born kids ?
fykes: Brother... I get u but I implore u bcoz we don't know tomorrow, that man has very slim chances of winning that Fight. Marital issues are best approached diplomatically. One thing counts against him, he left d union!! Marital laws the world all over are designed to give women legal backing in case of conflict. In this issue, d wife has 70% chances of keeping the child.. Do u know what she needs to do to keep d boy? Prove that he goes to school, show that she still wears her ring, still maintains their last known address, still has any of his personal effects in the house. Automatically d court turns against the man and he will pay child support till he begins to wonder if it is worth getting a flimsy visiting right while the woman can fvck anybody while he is in the same house and even better with his money. And please don't assume that the estranged wife will collaborate everything the op said here.. She won't and u haven't heard from her. Women are masters of emotional blackmail...he either appeals to his in-laws to prevail on her or he play her game and ignore her while stealthily keeping an eye on the boy. One day a chance will present itself... D boy maybe endangered or hurt physically and if he's smart enough, he can turn the tables on her
people like you confuse family traditional kangaroo courts vrs constitutional laws that applies to everyone irregardless of our traditional tribal beliefs
I.E the father or mother should have access to his/her child irregardless their are married, unmarried or divorced
am sure Nigeria constitutional laws doesnt strip one's right access to his/her child so why would you say "that man has very slim chances of winning that Fight"
Bawal: Due to some challenges, I and my wife are staying in one room self con and her 30 year old sister has been staying with us for some months now, my wife is older than her by three years.
Making love has been challenging since then even though the sister puts bed on the floor and sleep,most time when we assume she is asleep and engage in the act, i will later observe that she is not sleeping. Though she will maintain as if she is sleeping and this is constituting an uneasy environment.
In fact most time she knows when we are doing it. We are very uncomfortable over the act and she is not moving out from the house soonest. Though she is an adult that such may not sound strange to her, but indirectly seeing or hearing the sound on when i am performing duty on her elder sister makes us feel uncomfortable especially when we see one another in the morning after the act.
Please whats the right way to manage this situation. Advise please.
let us not speculate, why did she come to live with you in such conditions? i can never visit a couple and do a sleepover that live is single room, its not a fair for the couple.
Sometimes we need to do reverse thinking as have your own parents slept in one room with visitors ? most people would say NO so the same taboo view over the issue is the same view whether the married person is your brother or sister
Do not go a squeeze yourself to a couple that live in a single room
nnadychuks: I don’t think I need to explain much. Whenever I Remember the conflicts that arise between my uncles and my dad, I begin to wonder if their relationship started from childhood. They should be friends just like I and my siblings are right now, but every time they’re either having a land dispute or money argument. I perceive there’s not much love between them. Some years ago my dad was involved in a fatal accident which I believe is the cause of his Parkinson’s disease. While sitting quietly in church last Sunday I was called by the man of God to see him after service. He made mention of the exact date my dad had the accident and that one of his brothers was the reason behind it. I’ve not been myself this week, I even wonder if I and my siblings will live happily after we’ve All gone our separate ways. What causes the hatred between themselves is what I don’t know, but I’m willing to avoid by all means. I’ll accept views from all angles because a family issue should be handled with care
you need to wise and i think you are since you have said that you are willing avoid hatred
someone might tell you what caused something and in doing that might brew anger and hatred continue to the next generation or you might forgive him and teach the generation love than hatred
am talking from mechanic point of view, i am an mechanic and VCDS is the best tool for any VW group car and its always best run scan check all data is within range, than diving to change sensor before a live scan check all sensors
Please I have an issue with my Volkswagen Passat 2001 model, Auto transmission.
I changed the engine last Week and ever since the gear has not been selecting well.
If I place it in drive, I will have to fire it before it move at all, then it will move a little, then jack and go into limp mode.
I scanned and the issue are:
Engine: 2 cylinder misfire.
Gear: P01730 (not too sure of the code) But the interpretation was "INCORRECT GEAR RATIO"
I have 1. Serviced gear fibre body/filter and bottom plate 2. drained and refill gear oil, 3. Cleared fault with scanner.
The mechanic who changed the engine insisted that the flywheel & converter are well positioned Please any valid way out is appreciated
@dancock @siena @Nobody
besides other things being double checked did they move the cranks shaft sensor pick up ring by any chance ? the chance of it being moved a bit is high and might affect your gear ration on the gearbox
searchng4love: Change the coolant temperature sensors. When faulty prevents the car from starting when hot until it cools down. A replacement should cost less than 2500. Run from the tech talking ECU programming.
what he needs to do is get the car scanned especially with WV scan tool called VCDS
it is the best aftermarket tool that is advanced like original tool
VCDS will run a live scan on all modules on the car, and it will pint point any faulty sensors
Exjoker: This is the best advice I have seen so far.
To all those saying the man should not find another woman don't know what they are talking about. How can one's spouse deny his/her partner of sex
You should understand that denying the man sex is choice the lady made and I don't think even their parents can change that especially if the lady don't derived pleasure during sex with her husband. For how long will she put with something she doesn't like
What if after all negotiations they woman still doesn't want to change
Will the man go on like without that sex NEVER!!!!! How can we even be sure that the man tried all this thing we are suggesting here and yet the woman refuses to change
marrying a second is not solving the problem
naturally both men and women we use tools our disposal to send a massage what do i mean women use sex a tool to send a message that something is wrong, some men start coming home late and not touching food
so the woman is not a good communicator if she using sex as tool to get something addressed
and the man also should ask the main reason he is being denied sex ?
Tunjingwu: She works with a financial institution.They have a maid that does everything in the house except cooking what the guy eats as he stated he is not ready to eat what the maid cooks.
well i responded to the original post
that information was missing
now i feel that this a fake story, the maid and wife working part was missing from the original post and got added later to still make the woman look bad
then the other clue, he is meeting an childhood friend then you just open up about sex life ?
Kalatium: Still doesn’t make sense. You mean the Husband who goes to work and hustle for the family doesn’t get tired. She doesn’t want to have sex with him period
you are missing the big picture being a mother or parent is 24/7 job you dont take a break out of it
he doesnt work 24/7 most likely 8 hours 5 days a week
then looking after kids is 24/7 if you dont have help, the only time you rest is when they sleep
so she looks after twins the younger they are the more they keep you busy, then on top of kids there is general house chores
Tunjingwu: So I met my childhood friend yesterday at lekki. He is still the elegant young man he has always been. We spoke at length. Nothing much has changed about him. He is still very enthusiastic about life. An Engineer who after working with a firm,is now on his own. Things are not very rosy but he can still hold his own. We started talking about family since we all are married abielt for few years. Here is the gist..... He is contemplating having a girlfriend. His wife hardly have sex with him. Sometimes it takes 2 months for them to make love once. Nothing appears to be the problem other than the wife complaints of tiredness and not being in the mood for almost every time. They have two kids(twins). He had come to tell me to either approve or disapprove his strong intention of keeping a lady by the side since he can afford it comfortably. I felt for him. I disuaded him though I know how it feels to stay without sex with your wife under the same roof for months. You pay all the bills yet you don't eat from the goody bag to your test. Since yesterday,I have been a little worried for him. I do not know whether to call him and advise him to go ahead with his plan but try and be careful. It's a dicey situation especially when the wife is not ready to change.
we need to look at her daily routine, do they have a maid? how old are the kids
Having kids can change sex life
remember load of work towards kids is twice and as she deals with eg 2 kids of the same age especially twins they can require attention at the same time
by the time hubby comes back from home she would be already tired and hubby want sex.
pobeaf: 16,000 miles seems too low for a 2004 corolla. The car is in US. Pls I need professional advice on this car, gurus in the house help me check history. Vin: 2T1BR32E04C286744
Average miles per year in western world is 10000 miles/year
therefore 16 years x 10000 = 160000
or simply reasoning a 16 year old average car driving 1000 miles per year ? its doesnt make sense
Juliusdaughter: One of my exes just had a baby, we were unable to get married because of parental consent. I have kept my distance since then, we are not fighting, he calls and text. I do wish to go and visit the baby but I dont know if it makes sense. Will you allow your ex visit your home cos of your newborn? No FP please. Just few responses are okay
would feel comfortable if your eg hubby's ex visit him to congrants him for new baby ?
am sure you wouldnt feel comfortable right?
so in reverse that applies to you why visit an ex to congrants him.
novakk: She is a good person. I have my faults, just most the time we are together, I always pick up little things that don't sit well with me. Just different values/attitudes to things like money, way of life, attitude to people etc. I tried to change her but it's not smooth and deep down I don't want change because I push for it. I prefer to explain a different perspective of life (which I do), you see if its better, and change yourself.
I've been told to be patient with her. My gut is just so doubtful. I'm afraid of story that you saw little signs, but you closed your eyes, at the other hand, problem could be me that needs to compromise more.
Compromise is good, but to what level?
Has anyone had experience going against (or for) pastor's wishes, did it turn out well or not?
if you marry simply because the pastor said she good then your marriage would be of 3 people yourself, pastor and wife
any problem you would run to a pastor, meaning your pastor would running your marriage instead of you running your marriage without the input of your pastor especially in rough times
Marry someone you think you can live with i.e tolarate their small mistakes and inperfecations, its hard to tolarate someone who choosen for you, because its easy to accept and live with your own decision making that adjusting to decision that was made for you
A pastor is just human like you, the decision on who marry should be yours and only you, pastors they do things for records i.e to be seen as the best
then marriage and life will challenge you to the point that, you will see that a pastor will never be there to solve every problem of your marriage and life but yourself
Dont make life decisions based on Pastors decision, no one knows yourself better than yourself a pastor only sees what you show him/her the rest is in you your thoughts, vision of future etc all those a pastor only know them when you talk about it without that a pastor has no better vision of your future than yourself
Is it right for a lady during courtship to come on a visit without helping the guy in any house work?. Cooking, Laundry, Washing the dishes, Sweeping etc. She just comes plays, sleeps and leave. Just like dat.
If they eventually marry one another, is it worth it to help such a lady to do same chores as your wife?
My own take is this, During courtship, the house chores are the guy's responsibility. To take care of his own house remains his job. Therefore, it is not compulsory for the lady to help out, because she ain't marry the guy yet and the guy has not paid her dowry. But a lady from a good home should know it is necessary for her to help her fiancé out in the house chores. Though, it is necessary but not compulsory.
Now, if the guy in question eventually marries the girl and after marriage, she wants him to join her in the house chores to prove his love and care to her. Now, it is her responsibility and not the guy's responsibility too. She is the wife. It is only necessary for the guy to help out but not compulsory.
Does she deserve it? Now that it is her own duty too, to do those things as a wife?
My take is, she does not deserve it at all.
What do you think.
if you think deep it a bit confusing
why
In growing up we are taught to look for signs that makes a girl a good wife right ! so those things are cooking, cleaning etc
On the other side girls are taught to do those things to impress a guy
So the equation is, is she doing it just to impress to be seen a wife material girl or not
The truth you can only find out once you are married
Some of the things we do during courting is to make one see you as marriage material and once you are married some of the things get dropped
As man we also do the same, during dating you would be buying gifts every month or so, some man even takeover the responbility of the girls father i.e paying skol fees paying rent etc. All this is to be seen as the good husband material
Dont set up your partner to see if they will do the dishes wash and cook. Its a natural thing women do when they visit their boyfriends and also it makes them know you and also women mark her territory in her man's house by arranging things her way
If they get moved she asks was anyone here becoz they know how they set up things the last time
As guy should also keep your house clean nothing is very attractive to a woman who knows that her man can clean the house, it means your are capable of cleaning your own home meaning there is big chance of the man being good helper in house chores
Helping your woman can help in other aspects of life eg she is never tired to deny sex becoz she is not overwhelmed by house chores, kids or work
Smithkline200: Do you know how much the 2013 cost me to get??
Let alone the 2015. 2015 is sold over 7.5M. So don't just suggest adding money is a child's play.
Thanks.
its your car do whatever you want but am not stupid to butcher my car for the sake of it looking like a newer model
yes some people do it but its better if you are doing yourself if not you are paying top dollar for a very good job
For me the common sense is to save for top up money
On simple not do your own research to findout if the front bumber from 2015 can fit on 2013 without any structure adjustment is so get the bumper yourself as for the rear tail gate on only see the silver lining as the difference, so do the same check if 2015 fit on 2013
Then from there you know that your car wont be chopped it will just direct fittings and spray painting
Myralison: A Nigerian Nurse and a Baby Mama who is based in America insists that the Mother to the Father of her Child Must leave their house for peace to reign.
She is not married to the man in question.
I guess issues like this, Is the reason why the man Doesn't want to get married and opted for a Baby Mama.
I believe there is more to this but then, why must our women behave like this?
every action is reaction to something, something happened for her to react like that, am not saying she is innocent but lets not be biased simply becoz its the guy's mother being asked to leave
If my name is on lease of the house and am paying rent i have the right to ask whoever to leave if they overstep boundaries
jboixxx: [color=#0000ff]Cuz it's "Africans "way of life! It'll take a while even if there's revolution against it. There's no marriage in Nigeria without those lists except the union is not backed by either or both families. Even if it's just a Kola, it'll be requested as bride list. [/color]
You nailed
if you havent travelled and lived outside your norm eg live outside Africa vision of life is only based on what environment
In some european culture the father of bride pays for part of the wedding eg pay for the venue but you have never heard western people moaning to say traditional wedding duties of bride's father should be scrapped
From with african people we want to be rich via daughter we charge things that we can not afford
The funny part is, as a son -in - law you cry of how much you were asked to pay but years to come you also make the greedness you charge your own son - in-law ridiculous prices/list
So as Africans we are fools as we pay for marriage twice, traditional and civil/religion
chioma134: I am married but we did only church marriage in Anglican communion as well as traditional marriage. I also got a sworn affidavit of marriage. However, I've always wondered if these are sufficient. I actually asked a court registrar who told me that since I wedded in the Anglican church, there was no need for court wedding. But I hear the laws governing church and registry marriages are different. Pls family lawyers in the house, what do you think? Should I do a registry marriage or not? Am I fully protected with chuch marriage certificate? If not, what are the advantages of one over the other? Thank you as you respond.
what you need to understand is what is licenced marriage officer, these are usually priests/pastor that are licenced by the government conduct marriages in their respective churches and if one is licenced it means, they can conduct both a registered marriage and simple church one (according to the church doctrine)
If the pastor/priest is not licenced, they can only conduct their church doctrine one only and it wont be legally registered. Meaning law doesnt take you as legal married people but only religion and tradition does
So what you need to ask your pastor is, is licenced by the government to conduct legal marriage?
The confusion on most people how we view weddings, if you do a traditional wedding it means you are married as per culture and tradition, people take you as married people but law would say your marriage is not registered
The same with church wedding if the pastor is not licenced, it means the marriage is per church doctrine and tradition but the marriage is not registered as per law (under Marriage Act in most countries)
wizboi26: don't really understand,how so I have to do right to both parents side. Am I to pay the bride price to both the Father's and the mother's family?
In general when you pay bride price, the mum get few things that are spefic for her and same applies to the father
wizboi26: There is this family I want to marry into, but the Father of the girl did not pay the bride price of the mum, and she bore seven children for the man. The man left the woman and the children to base in another state, without caring about the welfare of the wife and children. Now I want to marry the first daughter in the family, it is becoming complected, because the family of the woman are saying that the children does not belong to the man, because he has not paid for the wife's bride price, that they own the children. And the woman is now saying that even if the Man is ready to come and pay her bride price, that she wouldn't accept it. My question now is that, is it right to go on the do the necessary things in her maternal home ?
well the father's story of not paying has nothing to do with you, dont be used to settle people's problem
You must do right to both the father's side and the mother's side
UzorChinonso: Good day Nairalanders, I have been married for just a year now and it has not been easy here! My Husband wants to know every thing about my finance. He has disturbed me to know how much is my salary worth of.
I have always denied him of the fact, what I know is that I used my money to refurbish our flat, got some new things to change the outlook of the place....
But I am not really finding it funny any longer. As we speak, he collected my ATM card since last two weeks, said I must tell him the pin or I should forget having it back. I went to my bank, told them that I lost the card and they changed it for me last Friday and he collected it again said it's either I tell him the pin or he will do something funny ...
I don't know what funny thing he's gonna do but I am worried! Pls is this how marriage is? He claims to own me and own my salary! Is it fair? This marriage is too early instead I would have quit and I am pregnant at the moment! What do I do? I don't want anybody to know anything about my finances including him till I have my baby whom my spirit accepted that I should make my next of kin.
What do I do ?
In marriage there are certain things thats there is no "MY" finances is one of them its "OUR"
Moralgladiator: I used the word coercion by force to show some parents go about it the wrong way,and I also used the word coercion by pampering to show how some other parents go about it. Good day,that will be all....Zimbabwe? No wonder
Moralgladiator: Thank you!! You have just opted for coercion by pampering as opposed to fear. I'm glad we speak the same language now.
It seems you dont know the meaning of COERCION - "it is the action or practice of persuading someone to do something by using force or threats"
The way i narrated what i think parents can do has nothing to do with threats or force, mine focuses on reasoning to child level of thinking at that present moment, I then went to explain further why parent we dont go that route becoz of other things going in life eg time its self or feeling embrasses etc
Just remember am not saying am better than you as parent and neither am saying you are a bad parent
in Zimbabwe we say "One who has no children has the most behaved children" meaning those who got no kids always think thats their kids would be the most behaved one, not knowing that the moment you have your own that when you will realise that parenting is not easy
Family › Re: My Parents Have Never Educated Me On Sex by ZIMDRILL(m): 12:11am On Aug 18, 2020
"don't allow a boy to touch you, if not you'll get pregnant" 
