Jashub: OP, you're not even married and you're giving advice. So how do you expect anyone here to take you seriously....? Go and marry before commenting on what you have no knowledge of.
dont be too blind
not being married doesnt mean, one can not seee the wrongs/mistakes done by married
remember you either learn from your mistakes or learn from others mistakes
tunjilee003: I went to Lagos last week after I left three years ago, I was so surprised with the change of things.. I saw many under age girls getting pregnant even before the age of sixteen...I was so obsessed and discouraged with this development and I decide to bring this to Nairaland...
its a complex issue, 1st you have to look into why a sudden rise in teenage pregnancy, 2 Explore your finding eg poverty and education for example if there is poverty at home, there is a young chance basic simple things can charm the teenager and without education, protection is a unheard off
A rise in something means there is an underlining issue, those underlinings need to found and correct them
mariahAngel: If he's a man who takes his wife's comfort into consideration, then yes, he needs his wife's permission/agreement to bring in a relative to come live with them.
For a girl/lady/woman, your comfort/space is everything. When in your father's house, you have that natural sense of rights/entitlement to your own space that no one can invade without your permission (not even your siblings), no matter how big or small it is. Your husband should be able to give you that also.
Nobody likes to feel invaded/cramped. One's personality need to be considered in this kind of situation too. Some people are naturally more accommodating than others, that doesn't mean that the latter are bad people.
you nailed it,
men we forget the big picture especially if the woman doesnt work she will spend more time with relatives and if she doesnt like them they will see fire and abuse etc
then think of family expenses with the added number of people
then self entiltlement from relatives were they expect everything to done for them while wife busy around to please them
AishaYesufu: When we were younger we were told to face our studies so as to enjoy in future. As adults (working) we are advised to invest and save so we won't suffer when we grow old. At old age, when we can't enjoy things we should have at our younger years, we are still told not to eat those things we love and confined to fruits and vegetables because of our "health".
When will a man enjoy in this life?���
Very good question
my observations as africans, everything in life is taken very serious no time to play, dating should lead to marriage there is no room for having fun until you ready in your own way
hence you find some married guys still behave a boys when married becoz they never had time to simply have fun without having pressure to marry
Having am not talking sleeping around but enjoying life just a single person
What i have observed in the west is young boys and girls taken the opportunity to leave home going to university far away from home, this is generally 3 years of having all the fun you like while studying, without the pressure of parents or people you know judying you. Most stupid stories comes from university years
Righteousness2: If your Mom took an abortion pill when she took in for you, will you be alive ? You and Ola have been whining and dining in Fornication and Immorality! Don't let him make you a Murderer/Killer! Repent from the sin you have done not adding Iniquity upon iniquity! Abortion is Pure Murder Abortion is Blood Shedding Abortion is Evil Abortion is Wickedness and Heartlessness. Don't do it!
if her mum had taken the pill how was she supposed to know ? what if thats what god had intended? basically that question does has poor reasoning as no one knows if it was god's plan or not
Chuxx84: Good evening nairalanders. Please I need advice/opinions on this issue at hand. I have been taking care of my mother since before I got married, I have other brothers older and younger but they are not financially buoyant. (So they claimed) I did not mind this but kept on caring for her ( house rent, feeding, other bills). Although it's a burden to me, but she is my mother. Now my wife suggest that any money I want to give to her should pass through her (I will send to my wife then she sends to my mother) or she does the sending and I later pay her back. Her claim is my mother is fetish with my money. I'm confused can this be true? Sometimes my mother will make simple money request my wife would say I should ignore her. She says she is taking me for a fool. I am beginning to get tired of this whole thing. Please help with advice or opinions. Thanks.
your issue is very tricky you need to be open minded and throw away your beliefs for a minute
1 A clever man covers up for his wife what do i mean, when sending money to your mum especially direct from you, you would say "my wife gave me this money to give you" therefore you are protecting your wife from being said she is does not support her mother-in-law. The same the wife should do when she is sending money to her parents she mentions that the money is from her husband, therefore protect each other from evil minded parents
2 On the fetish whethere true or not, may be the wife has picked up a pattern from your mother and may be she wonders why you havent picked it up hence your judgement is linked to fetish. Its a good idea to ask her why he has jumped to that conclusion
3 Being a parent doesnt mean, your parent wont hurt you, african parents have BLACK TAX MIND aka i spent my money sending you to school etc so am entitled to your money whether married or not. so wife is usually seen as eating my son's money
4 mother-in-law are usually in competition with there daughter-in-laws, competiting for attention and welfare
So you need to be careful how you deal with this situation, look for common manipulations from both women aka dont be fooled by the love for your wife and also dont be fooled by the love of your mother BOTH WOMEN CAN manipulate you
cpapa: I want to go to child welfare support my wife took my daughter and left the house there was no fight or cheating she just said she is not interested in d marriage again there was a time she told me that a man was asking her is she goes out with her he will give her 50k and now is she gone with my daughter.
do you want child custody or access to see your child
most people confuse those things to be one when there are actually seperate things
ediko5: I realized that there's no much unity and friendship among extended family members anymore compare to when I was a little child like 20 years ago.
Personally I feel reluctant having extended family members as close friends compare to when I was growing up as a child.
What could've been the cause of this?
I think it may be due to the increase of evil in the world for instance;
family members give information about another family members to kidnappers.
Family members mastermind armed robbery of other of members.
Family members can even use a relative for ritual purpose.
What's your opinion on this?
got a simple answer
even if you follow the bible, from the begining Cain killed Abel
using the bible"s angle at has been there from day one of humans
If this had happened in the western world...it is the man that will be vacating their apartment for the lady.
But down here the law is dangerously skewed against the female folks...with such mentality it is common place for african men to harm or outrightly kill their spouses when they think of losing their life savings to the women they married with their sweat and hardwork.
not really
people always use a general rule on the western world
thats general rule usually applies to a couple who have kids and the kids are of school going age, the courts consider comfort to the kids etc therefore kids and wife remain in home while whatever needs to be sorted is being sorted usually court ruling etc
the difference with most african ruling is there based on traditional ruling rather then law and also women disadvantage themselves buy not getting involved with buying of building of these houses eg if a husband buys land or built a home make sure your name also appear on the title deeds
For real who want to be married to someone and get used and leave with nothing even the though wife had not contribute financially who contributed by running the house being clean etc and also cooking for you and making you feel comfortable to be able etc
You see why african we are poor we can not even pass on wealth to your own wife and kids we let relatives takesover whatever you worked for with your wife.
aaaah here we go again with women and their insecurities!!!!!!
@poster FIRST let me just say that i dont believe that a man should automatically stop talking to an ex simply because he is with you. if they are mature enough to find a common ground to be friends after being a couple then great, why should that be a problem to you?! stop trying to dictate what he can or cannot do. its called marriage not slavery!
SECOND has he done anything to warrant such insecurities from you? has he ever cheated? has he ever given you the reason to believe that he was cheating?
THIRD so you believe that communicating with your ex is "keeping a close r/ship with her"? what would you call it if they ever met again then? CHEATING?! lol
FOURTH you should TRUST and BELIEVE in your husband (unless he ever gave you a reason not to). he told you that nothing CAN happen and you should trust his words. not standing by him will only lead to trouble in a perfectly fine r/ship.
FIFTH your hubby told you what he believes in (aka there is nothing wrong with the act) but you are trying to change him into who he is not. you want him to stop being a friendly caring person because of your insecurities. lol. why dont YOU change to a better person rather than expect him to lower himself to your low self esteem level?
SIXTH giving your husband an ultimatum is not only wrong but immature. what are you going to do if he doesnt stop?! why do you think this girl will give a damn if you call her? she is HIS friend, and if HE sees nothing wrong in communicating with her then your business is with HIM not HER. your immaturity is clearly apparent.
You are wrong in my thinking
its called psychological torture, meaning the husband has created a situation that always makes your brain wonder if he is cheating or note that torture
if you want to know how it hurts ask your father if he feels comfortable if your mum is always talking to her ex and sharing the misunderstanding she was with your father
We shouldnt take other peoples feeling for granted its abuse on its own
englishmart: I have 3 kid sisters, the eldest of them is 20 while the youngest is 15. Sometimes I feel like getting them pants and or bra, but I have a feeling it's immodest. What do you guys think?
just give them money and they will buy what they want
adanny01: Honda Accord in particular has always had the Double wishbone front suspension which is known for better performance while Toyota Camry always had the Macpherson suspension which is known to be reliable and cheaper to build.
We see more failure in the Double wishbone suspension in general not because it has a design flaw but because of what am about to show you.
The issue is weight, which is a force that every suspension system must transmit safely to the road surface.
The medium of transmission of weight of the car to the ground is always through the strut or shock absorber. This force is shown with the first arrows on both types of suspension in the picture below.
The path for this force is different for the 2 suspensions.
The Macpherson suspension has the strut bolted to the hub which means the weight is transmitted from strut>hub>wheel>road.
The double wishbone suspension however transmits the weight from strut>lower control arm>ball joint>hub>wheel>road.
Looking at the fact that the ball joint is a critical weight bearing part in the double wishbone suspension but not in the MacPherson suspension, we understand why an inferior quality ball joint may not withstand the stress for long. Also looking at the ball joint in the 2 types of suspension, you will notice that the ball joint in a Double wíshbone suspension is quite larger to a Macpherson suspension ball joint, a design meant to accommodate more stress.
When next you see a Honda Accord with the "K-Leg", just just know that it is not a Honda design flaw, it is a Double wíshbone suspension system weak point that the particular owner is responsible for.
Honda uses the Macpherson suspension in the Civic while Toyota uses the Double wíshbone suspension in their SUVs such as Land cruiser, Prado, Hilux etc
it has nothing with do with weight but just general poor maintaince ball joints do wear and tear
problem with people is that they ignore the signs of a worn out ball joint
do you really think honda can not figure weight issue ? they spent millions on research they even have an F1 team
So because I decided to give birth to kids,they must be wayward, untrained, undisciplined and caustic dregs?
In an attempt to sound futuristic and a white man ideology-copycat, you ended up disgracing yourself.
Why on Earth do people seem so emotional and blind to glaring facts and become hypocritical?
Are you really telling me that BS up there or are you in the middle of something extrasensorily mind numbing?
So the biblical phrase of "spare the rod and spoil the child" comes from a place of knowing kids need to be trained,they need to obey. Since you lots love the Bible, check what the holy book says about children and obeying their parents.
So a man that trains and suffers for his kids must tolerate their disrespect because they owed him nothing? I wonder if it were to be the wife being disrespected, what your answer would be.
you are missing the point
Having a child has nothing to do with obedience, having a child means it is your respsonsiblity to raise them with or without obedience
African parents blackmail their kids as if its the kids faulty to be born, whereas it was their choice to have kids unprepared for the responsibility to come
So raising a child and obedience are two separate things, while you are raising a child thats when you teach them obedience and child not having obedience doesnt take away your resposiblility to look after your children
Though in this case a 20 year old is very old enough to have mastered few things to able to obey parents without creating a fight for the parents, there are underlining issues in this story. Both parents have contributed to the child's behavour
The boy, father and mum are all wrong, how would you feel being woken up 7am to wash a car ? the father should also show some respect to his son, for me at 20 he is nolonger a boy but a man he also deserve some man respect from his own father. If you own father doesnt respect you as man, how are you going to respect the father of your future wise, charity begins at home. The father is not teaching that to his son he is teaching him how to command through african hierachy as father without consideration of mutual respect.
The mother is also helping in breaking the relationship between father and son, always work as unity when giving role/work to children, the moment you give conflicting messages a child will choice where his/her wishes are being followed. The disobeyed parent would be seen as nonloving/rush parent by kids and that can create a drift between the two parents and also kids might drift to one side the easy one
omojesu202: It is no news that most marriages are collapsing. Mine is just two years but I also see signs of collapse.
What's happening in my brothers marriage is painful to me because I know the financial investment and sacrifices he puts into it. I don't know what he did to his wife but she has turned his children against him.
Imagine that you cannot tell your 20 years old first son to wash your car like 7am, the mother will tell you that you should allow him to enjoy his sleep. Not once, not twice and not thrice. This is the children you'll go hungry and borrow money to pay high school fees to make sure they go to good schools.
It is painful to me because I knew when he was paying 200k per term each on three kids while his basic was just 300k.
Now the firstborn and secondborn will disobey him on ordinary washing of car just because he can no longer meet up.
Please how would you handle such issues? You might just hear that a man killed his wife and three children in the news. That would not be our portion.
From outside, she has been a good woman but she didn't blend the children to their father. The nature of his job takes him on transfer always and not stationed with his family but regular monthly visit is always there.
the problem with us africans is that what we call respect is actaully commands and fear
Most parents inflict fear as way of displine and that fear is taken as respect
and through tradition and culture fathers dont bond much with their kids, because of fear of the father and the father playing the traditional role of being tough and serious about everything in life, therefore kids stay away from playing around with the father hence the bonding child to son is lost someone
@ 20 the son can wash the car either way, being asked or by showing his father some maturity by washing without being asked, but i think 7am its a bit too much, @20 both son and father should be starting to treat each other as man showing respect to each other than the father, always treating the son as a boy. Yes he is the father paying the fee etc but walking someone to wash the car at 7am its bit too far. You would feel that you are being treated as a worker.
The mom is not helping either as couple dont send conflicting messages, it shows that you are not working as unity and kids pick that up and in this case @ 20 he is not a kid but a man and for sure he will use it to his advantage. And he has because he listen more to mum than daddy and the daddy now thinks that the woman is poisoning the children again him. The father should take his son for drive or whatever and have a man to man talk for them to understand each other.
As parents we fail to realise that if you fail to (train) raise your child in basic home and social skills etc you are actually putting a bad foundation for your child's marriage, as those lacking skills will contribute to the fights in your child's marriage
ivcraig: I just purchased a Toyota Camry 03 and I noticed, the engine makes a wierd noise sometimes.
The dashboard light indicates "Check".
I scanned the car with an OBDII scanner and it showed this error code: P1656 TOYOTA - Oil Control Valve Circuit Malfunction
I showed a mechanic and he said I will need to change oil pump/filter or so but the error doesn't say that's what's wrong. He said oil is not being supplied appropriately to the engine, so when there's shortage of oil, the engine makes the noise.
Has anyone ever had similar experience?
Kindly assist as I don't like trial and error when fixing cars, because it wastes a lot of money.
valarinz: That No. 1, Nigerians have been peddling this for decades, i don't think you're correct. The work of a catalyst on a vehicle is not to minimize fuel consumption like you guys paint it.
Kindly explain to me how the absence of catalyst will "jack up fuel consumption like mad". What does it do on a vehicle?
the catalyst does play a part but under certain conditions eg if its failing to reduce the carbon emissions, it get pick up by the o2 sensor, the values from o2 will trigger a change to air to fuel ratio therefore your MPGs can go high
so bank 1 o2 sensor and bank o2 sensor expect a different reading, if gas fumes pass through the catalyst and they should be within specification mapped in the ECU
HeavenlyBang: You have a a habit of talking total rubbish about things you don't know.
News flash: the entire world isn't the UK.
read carefully
i never said UK represents the world, if you say in NIGERIA WE SO SUCH AND SUCH" does doesnt it mean it represents the world ? an sure the answers is NO
adanny01: IMO, the average toks has +/-100k miles. Therefore, the best days for such a car has been spent.
However, cars with very good reliability are very much problem free for another 100k miles.
This logic is also true because major turn around maintenance of most manufacturers is around the 100k miles.
This major maintenance repair is very expensive to do right so users avoid this by selling it off to get a brand new one. This ensures that they never have to deal with the car needing major maintenance or mechanical job that is expected at around 100k.
Armed with this knowledge, the answer to you question becomes direct, toks cars are good for the price we are getting it for if you get the right deal. Your toks car reliability now depends on the brand reliability, previous users maintenance and your maintenance.
If you want a problem free car then buy brand new, else you should learn to tolerate mechanics and expect some down time.
Note, I have seen a brand new Peugeot 406 bought from PAN having a failed engine twice at less than 5000km before they replaced the entire car. It doesn't mean 406 is not reliable.
Car dealerships fix a lot of issues before you see the car at a car stand, so there is no sure way to avoid issues.
The idea of Naina used is supposed to be buy and drive because the seller should have fixed most problems. But the issue is that some people don't know maintenance or failed in doing the right maintenance and could choose to lie about it misleading you to buying a lemon.
you nailed it
most people get mesmerised by the body of the these cars, simply becoz half of our cars within borders/ within africa have battered bodies and butchered engine if not Frankenstein engine
Imported cars have a good looking body due to strict laws within the Western worlds standards, but doesnt mean the car is perfect engine suspension might be gone and the engine might be good but with high mileage meaning high risk of failure, so in terms of western world the car would be expensive to fit, therefore they get sold cheap or scrapped.
All those ball joint failing pictures of honda cars are not due to honda's fault those are due to poor maintenance practise, in UK any car which more than 3 years old goes for what is called MOT TEST, in simple terms the TEST checks if the car is roadworth to be on the road, so things like brake disk, brake pads, brake pipes, full suspension, headlights, indicators/blinkers/ aka trafficator, emissions, windows screen, wipers, seatbealt, tyres, corrosion etc are all checked to ensure that the car is road worthy to drive
Even a number plate can fail in UK our number plate are plastic, is the number plate is distorted with dirty that can fail a car so in general those cars look better than the their cousin back home but doesnt mean their are perfect
one simple equation to master
on average UK and USA car range between 10000 -13000 miles per year mileage so always multiply the age of the car by 10/13 000 to have an average mileage on the car eg a 2006 car x 13000 so 14 years old car x 13000 =1820000miles
vin check doesnt give much information in terms of the cars maintenance, it only gives you history of any major accidents that where put into the national data base
personal59: The brain box light is always on before but the car showing a z light on the dashboard and also display the one down too just started and I don't seems to understand
it simply means there is faulty detected by the aka brain box, you car need to be scanned to pull out the code, that code will direct you to the fault
the other one, also needs to be scanned its an traction control faulty part of the ABS system
robville25: The bolded can not be the truth. And assuming it is, the client should never have come online to vilify the mechanic.
That said, you’re RADICALLY missing the point.
If your analysis was on a thread where the lifetime or durability of used engines in dispute, your comments would be considered expository.
But right here, your comments are not only irrelevant to the issues but inflammatory, which is why I insist that you’re willfully trading your intelligence to subvert the substance of this case and intentionally confuse readers.
they have both came online to vilify each other its doesnt matter who started but now there are just acting the same, my thoughts
to understand my point you need to check all post i did you will understand why that ended up coming, Gazzuzz couldnt mention the work he did on the engine to offer the warrant, which roughly means he had faith on the engine like all used imported engines he sold before.
May i ask what test do you do on an engine thats is sitting out from car body to verifty its perfect and it will run fine once installed into the car ? Those engines dont even get run tested for 5mins
unfortunately for this one based on the customer it gave an issue soon after the warranty expired, so i was saying its too risky to give a warranty on an engine that you have no history with and 90 percent of are high mileage to me its way too risky to offer and warrant. But it has worked for Gazzuzz for many times
laluski: My brother I understand what you're saying but the fact still remains that Mr X had a good option of refund..why didn't he take it.Full 300k? Comon man, most guys will take it sharply and either not deal with Gazzuzz again or, because of this gesture, come back again and Or even send more customers to him cos of his selfless gesture...please don't get it wrong most of us here are not supporting Gazuzz...NO.., we're simply dealing with the facts as it is...
If Mr X carry Gazzuzz go JUDGE JUDY ON DSTV FOX CHANNEL...the guy go loose...cos the question will be raised...WHY DIDN'T YOU TAKE THE OFFER OF REFUND WHEN IT WAS GIVEN TO YOU
the truth here is the that these two might have more infor to share but they dont want to because i might discredit both of them
The option can look good to us but not to the buyer, because we dont know what was agreed on the transaction, there are reasons which make sense to the buyer to refuse the offer, those reason should make sense to us but himself because it was his money
Am not saying the customer is right but for Gazzuzz set himself up by gauranting a engine from a abroad which you have no history with, yes it has worked for him all this time but this transaction has shown him the otherside.
Most engines that are sent to Africa are high mileage due to mainly two reason
Alfred74: Oh yeah! I am not a mechanic,not much of any idea that I know of when it comes to reconditioning a car engine without tearing it apart. If gazzuzz go down the road of tearing the engine apart for reconditioning,then a BORALE engine was installed,which was not what the angry customer wants.
Aside this,I'm willing to know what you mean by reconditioning beside tearing it apart.
My oga gazzuzz,oya o I don lick your yarnsh so te my tongue don peel
Did you recondition the engine before installation sir,edakun?
i think we are saying the same thing
but its either me or you who missed a point
if Gazzuzz had reconditioned the engine, am sure he wasnt going to give the guy 24hrs to bring the engine back, he would have had confidence with his job on the recon engine and am sure he would be glad to take it back and rebuilt again and sell again.
When i asked Gazzuzz what he did on the engine to warrant his guarante he didnt answert but came with another angle, he was now saying that engine model has defect from the manufacturer, meaning he is now blaming someone which is the manufacturer but when he sold the engine he never shared that information with the customer.
From what the customer says he what he was given is not what he was shown
This what scrapyard do here, you buy engine its at your own risk but they wouldnt sell a non running engine No but if the engine fails, they wouldnt give you a refund but ask you to bring it back while you get another replacement.
only those who who engine rebuilts are the one who normally give you a warranty because they actually did the rebuilt,
Unfortunately for Gazzuzz this engine didnt last that long (based on the facts presented) of which it put him on the corner because he also know nothing about the history of the engine. For me thats too risky to give a gurantee
Alfred74: I will act civil on this one. If I walk into a store to buy a colorful Ankara and I explain my worries to seller about its color fading at the point of washing. If seller gives me a guarantee of refund if Ankara fades of in the process of washing,I think I will be rest assured I am dealing with a responsible seller. At least to a point Ankara seller have some kind of confidence in what he or she is selling.
After washing Ankara color fades off,I called seller to complain about the fade,seller told me to return the Ankara in 24hrs and get a refund or get nothing.
I choose not to respond to seller about returning Ankara,24 hrs elapsed I didn't return the Ankara.
Next I went to CNN to lodge a broadcast complain about how I was scammed by Ankara seller.
Thats the story,now be the judge.
you missed the point when asked Gazzuzz what did he do to the engine that gaurantee a warrant he had no answer for it except that he started to point out manufacturer defects meaning he is running away from the blame and put on the manufacturer
lets has he reconditioned the engine right but he would give warrant because he had worked on it and he knows that its a good engine
besides that he never excluded himself from engine an engine failure that is due manufacturer defects, he didnt tell the customer becoz i guess he wanted money
he did care share infor with customer on mafucturer defects of the specif engine
Legitimate hustle. We do not try to sell known defective parts on public forums.
I am coming for your property deals gone south very soon, just watch out
Gazzuzz i cant tell you how to run your business but point is as much you have no clue about these engines, giving a warrant is invitation for disaster
Alfred74: Which kind demented international olodo is this? Person give customer 3 months warranty if anything happens to the engine him go refund. Which guaranty wan pass that one again. Na so hatred dey make peron foolish reach? Egbmami. International buffoon,biko come to akure village since that abroad wen you dey no gree you see road. Abi you don dey mad international madness ni? If I slap you through this thread your brain go reset olofo.
dont rush to quote without following how the conversation started
that was a respond to what GAZZUZZ had said
i asked him what job did he do on the engine to gaurantee the 3 months warrant and he had no answer for it expect to blame the manufacturer having defective engine parts etc
then i asked him whether he explained that to his customer so thats if the engine fails he shouldnt blame GAZZUZZ because the engine still has defective parts from manufacturer
reality is GAZZUZZ knew the risky and took the gamble, now the issue is not about whether GAZZUZZ knew the risky or not but didnt explain what he just explained to me, to his customer
GAZZUZZ: Do I have to do more than I have done already?
You install a good part you expect it to work properly. If it fails , you either refund or replace.
Toyota Camry made in Kentucky from 2007-2009 2AZ engines were all fitted with defective piston designs which caused them to gulp 1liter of oil every 1000km did Toyota offer a refund to the owners of such vehicles? No. Instead they just wrote in the vehicle manual that it is normal for the engine to burn 1 litter of oil every 1000km . I do not see anyone here calling Toyota out.
I gave 3 months or 3000km which should help any client know within resonable time if the engine sold was defective.
now you are talking did you tell that to the customer ?
so that the customer will understand that if anything goes wrong it might not be your fault because may be the previous owner didnt change the defective parts