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Family › Re: Why Do Nigerian Women Wish For A Male Child Whilst Pregnant by ZIMDRILL(m): 9:49pm On Apr 22, 2020

Kuns84:
It's really astonishing the amount of counselling I've had to do for women who have sunken into depression after finding out the gender of their baby - and I've noticed most of these women are pregnant with girls.

The only time I encountered someone unhappy with a male pregnancy, was because she already had 3 boys and was desperate for a change the 4th time round.

Why is such mentality prevalent amongst our women? In fact, the way some of these pregnant women act makes me question if women hate their gender so much that they can't bear to bring in another of their kind into this world.

Very simple, they have observed how fellow women have became victims, aka giving birth to girls and the man who either kick her out for that or have side woman to try a male child

So having a male child sort of makes the ladies settle mentally

Family › Re: As A Husband, How Would This Statement Make You Feel? by ZIMDRILL(m): 3:11am On Mar 09, 2020

obiekunie2:
guy she is codedly telling u that u r totally useless to her.

believe me u r on ur way out of her life - she just gave u the judas kiss bro.

you got it wrong

using your thinking you want her to need you because you provide her resourses you want to feel special or needed becoz of that, which can also create abuse, most ladies feel useless becoz they have been made to think and feel that her needs should be provided by man, when they can be also be capable if given equal opportunity

Family › Re: Contraceptives And Single Ladies by ZIMDRILL(m): 9:49pm On Mar 08, 2020

elektra:
I think most unmarried Nigerian women do not receive any education on the different types of contraceptives available to them. Some educated women may take the initiative to visit their OBGYN for options but for the most part, family planning education is mostly only offered to women after child birth as part of post natal treatment. Condoms sef only became mainstream because of HIV prevention.

you nailed it, its common thing in Africa

i have observed it in my motherland zimbabwe, contraceptives are sort of reserved for married people, health workers dont encourange sexual actives youth eg university students

Sexual healthy shouldnt be treated as cultural and traditional decision but as an individual decision, there lets educate contraceptives to the youth, than having unwanted pregnancy

Family › Re: Husband Wants Divorce After 24yrs. What Are My Rights As The Woman? Help! by ZIMDRILL(m): 2:53am On Mar 06, 2020

MIZTHANG:
I GOT MARRIED 24YRS AGO IN NIGERIA, HUSBAND AND I ARE NOW UK CITIZENS. HUBBY HAS JUST SUED ME FOR A DIVORCE. HE CONSTANTLY CHEATED ON ME AND HAD NO FINANCIAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR OUR 4 CHILDREN THROUGHOUT OUR MARRIAGE.
CAN WE GET A DIVORCE IN UK OR IS IT BETTER IN NIGERIA AS HE IS NOW GOING AFTER MY PROPERTY WHERE I LIVE WITH OUR KIDS AS WELL AS OUR JOINTLY BOUGHT PROPERTY WHICH I HAVE BEEN PAYING FOR. HELP!!![color=Black][/color][b][/b]

there important information missing

the word Married in UK means civil married aka a marriage recognised by law and protected by law in divorce cases

then in africa married means two things, married traditionally/customary or both traditionally/customary and civil aka court wedding

Married via tradition/customary your rights to protect you are there not all in most african countries, hence you find women get chased away with nothing

Then in UK our african traditionall/customary marriages are viewed as cohabiting were separation is not taken as divorce and rights are limited compared to those who married via court

The right direction on this matter is determined by what sort of marriage was this

Family › Re: Husband is disappointed that we are having another girl by ZIMDRILL(m): 3:30am On Feb 21, 2020

Mycommand:
Very correct!

yes but wrongly phrased

its not the husband as per say but his sperms, hubby has no control over it, unless medically or traditionally taking something that increase the chances of Y chromosome to fertile the egg

Then on the otherside it depends how acidic is the woman's

2 Likes

Family › Re: "Stop Using Hotels On Your First Night Of Marriage" Lady Advises Newly Couples by ZIMDRILL(m): 1:52am On Feb 13, 2020

Angelfrost:
The only beauty in her counsel is that it is more economical, especially for young and struggling couples... The "Foundation" part of her submission is nothing but pointless superstition.

We decent folks might as well all start avoiding hotels in their entirety for every other religious or superstitious reasons.

Come to even think of it, some cohabiting unmarried partners have thrived far longer than married couples that dotted all the right places, including avoiding honeymooning in hotels.... Abeg, make we hear word jor!!!

the problem is that most africans we copied cultures from mostly our colonisers.And we forget to study them how they became a culture and how they evolved to the present day

Spending money on something nicely and lovely is considered as something special love wise

Honeymoon in a hotel is one of them

This theory of demons because of being used by many people is rubbish, should we not use the seats in taxis, buses, trains because someone used it before? we got beds in hospital should stop being admmitted?

then we have lots of used cloths that get shipped to africa, are people catching demons from them?

Family › Re: Zimbabwean Woman Having Sex With Sister’s Husband Exposed By His Girlfriend by ZIMDRILL(m): 8:27pm On Feb 12, 2020

Godsonkemz:
If it's not Zimbabwe, it's Kenya or South African. Bizarre news always emanating from these places.

https://www.nairaland.com/5650301/son-in-law-impregnates-mother-in-law-came-take

Family › Re: Zimbabwean Woman Having Sex With Sister’s Husband Exposed By His Girlfriend by ZIMDRILL(m): 8:26pm On Feb 12, 2020

Mreazi121:
it's can only be Zimbabwe.. first in Knackiology

https://www.nairaland.com/5650301/son-in-law-impregnates-mother-in-law-came-take

Family › Re: Advice Me On The Best Ways To Deal With A Disobedience Wife by ZIMDRILL(m): 12:54am On Feb 12, 2020

Mixfeeling:
Good afternoon, fellow Nairalander I would like to seek your advice on best way i can deal with a disobedience wife. The issue we had started yesterday when i try to correct her for something she done wrong, she flared up on me instead of her to explain things to me in a polite manner....... fast-forward to this morning after she prepared our children's for school, and they are about to go out, she came to me that she will be travelling from Sagamu where we reside to Lagos to buy some items for her shop as she used to go before now without informing ahead. I quickly told her i have no hand in it that she should not go today again as she refused to inform me ahead as she used to do before now, she immediately rebuffed and promise to embark on the travelling.... she pick up her phone and call her dad that his husband has started that they should warn me bla bla bla and cut off the phone conversation, i call her after some hours to know if she thoroughly went ahead with the journey, i found out she was already in Lagos where she used to buy her goods. i needed everyone advice on what should be my next line of action. Thanks

1st the word deal is wrong for me it means you will stamp your authourity which in most cases its a hash decision against the other person

1 One has to accept that whatever they did was wrong in the eyes of the other person .
2 The so called wrong person has to explain, how they end upbmaking whatever decision, they have to explain in there own way of thinking and reasoning, the wronged person shouldnt interject, but listen and try to understand where there are coming from
3 Then wronged should by now know how the other person understood and decided the decision that made the conflict
4 The wronged person then also explain his/her understanding and decision on the conflict the will help the other person to understand your thinking
5 By now you should be able to understand your thinking and understand individual solving or decision making skills eg does one think as an individual or think of the other half ?

5 From all above should have a clue how to function as unity

Family › Re: Man Must Take All Financial Responsibilities In Their Marriage by ZIMDRILL(m): 8:16am On Feb 08, 2020*

adexpa:
I accepted and I am not here to belittle women's contribution in a relationship, but our society never come to the full understanding of co-contributions at home. It takes real women to fully subscribe to that. Some women adjusted over time while some grew to see that, but majority believes it is man's duty.

true most women fail to realise that, doing contributing financially if you are capable gives you the right to fight for that half if divorces raises whether legally in court or under tradition because you can prove if financial records are there

There lots of thread here were people talk of chasing a woman back to her parents, she goes with nothing why simply because she did not contribute financially, she was just a manager to what husband brought in

imagine you put your salaries together and you buy land and built a house 20 later you divorce and husband says its his house, she can challenge thats because has financial records to prove what put into the home

Show me a woman who was just housewife who got divorced from traditional marriage set up and was given settlement based on the years she spent in that marriage for being just a housewife? most walked away with nothing why because they know financially they did not put anything on the table and fear to challenge that they can walk away with nothing (am not in support of treating women in this way even in traditional marriage set-up)

my point is, a woman who gets married traditionally and because sit home wife, has high chances of walking away with nothing in the event of divorce, since she had not put financially anything on the table, men to claim all the property and she goes back with nothing but if she was a working money with traceable records its easy to challenge

so lets teach our daughters (who became wives one day) to be financial contributers to their marriages, two salaries achieve more than a single income.

Family › Re: Man Must Take All Financial Responsibilities In Their Marriage by ZIMDRILL(m): 7:45am On Feb 08, 2020

budaatum:
And it is this "seat at home" sort of woman that you advise I become? Or is this the sort of woman I should want my daughters to become? Or assuming I was a man, is this is the sort of woman I should choose to bear my children?

You do know that the man will one day replace your useless seat at home ass with a new younger move your ass model, right?

Why don't you just advise me to curse myself while your are at it!

am suggesting anything for anyone, but am explaining, some type of women and men that, agree with a sitting home wife and men who have beliefs and salaries that allows wife to just sit home

Family › Re: Man Must Take All Financial Responsibilities In Their Marriage by ZIMDRILL(m): 10:24pm On Feb 07, 2020*

budaatum:
Women do take on quite a lot of financial responsibility actually.

In the old days it was the woman who ensured there was food on the table while we were waiting for father's yams to grow. It was the woman who made palm oil to sell from the few trees on the farm. It was the woman who sold the eyins and the akuros. It was the womsn who collected the fire wood too. And it was the woman you likely went crying to when you could not get any money from your pa.

But because she does not boast about it, you are here belittling the contribution of the woman to a family as if you did not see mother contributing in your home!

I forgive you!

it depends at which end do you look at it, my point there was division of labour based physical strength etc, man hunted because of the physical strength and women would do small ploughing of vegetables etc this was before the use of physical currency.

Colonasation, Currency and urbanazation overhauled, the old ways, men were forced to work for another men, what used to be free land became someone's land no more hunting etc, money became the norm used to exchange goods and services

we should always look at what caused the changes and what changes we have currently.

Before money in the days of hunting and gathering no one wanted a woman who only wanted to be seated home, but a woman who was hard working doing those gender based responsibility of having your own home

to understand by point in the old days it was women expected duty to do vegetable gathering or farming and men expected to ho hunting or looking after cattle

so both contributed directly to the own home but based on those gender based roles

the same with building a hut, men would do the physical work to go in forest to cut the the poles for the hut, while women would go a cut the grass for the roof

now money is there and used to by goods and services, now some women want only men to contribute in bringing in that money while she seats home, nothing wrong with it if you meet a guy who makes good money that you only seat and manage the money he brings in

But to some because of economic hardships women have seen that the money hubby brings it is not enough and have woken up by doing side things to help with finances

then we have those women who are working but have this idea that it is the men's job only to look after the family, but i believe two salaries are better than one you achieve more, then on the other side we have men who believe is there duty to provide and believe that once a women start contributing they think they have failed as men to provide

so besides using the umbrella cover to say its traditional, families differ, eg lets a girl from a middle class family grow up seeing her mum working just as daddy both put their finances into the family budget, she will grown up knowing that its not a men's job but both hubby and wife to built and finance your own home.

so family background as effects on how we run our new lifes as married people

3 Likes 2 Shares

Family › Re: Leaving Alone As A Single Lady by ZIMDRILL(m): 6:14am On Feb 04, 2020

bukatyne:
So sad

as people we trapped each other out so called love or being a man

i will focus on an abusive scenario and pride one

1 A man will claim to look after you, who doesnt want to be looked after but there is a danger, whoever supplies your needs and wants can control you aka being abusive. So the greedynes of seating and not working can be used against

2 The title of being a man can also burn you, you married her and promised that you take care of everything and the money she works is hers. Then down the line misfortunes pop in you salary nolonger sustain the family, will you swallow your pride and ask wife to also put the money on the family table!!, the money you once said she can keep it and do whatever she wants with it ?

So some men feel powerless if a woman is able to cater for her own needs and wants.

Family › Re: Leaving Alone As A Single Lady by ZIMDRILL(m): 8:56pm On Feb 03, 2020

MRcocaFanta:
No you are wrong.

It's only weak men that are afraid of an independent women.

A strong and a real man appreciates independent woman more, because the independent woman suits his personality and status.

A strong man needs a woman that can a strong back bone to him.

As for the op and her boyfriend, while i feel the boyfriend is insecure, however i feel the op is playing the "pity card, there is something she is hiding which is glaring to the eyes and this was why i suggested they talk to a therapist.

Unfortunately most NIGERIANS do not know the benefits of a therapy.

read again we are all saying the same thing

Family › Re: Leaving Alone As A Single Lady by ZIMDRILL(m): 7:27pm On Feb 03, 2020

MRcocaFanta:
The problem with the both of you is incompatibility.

The both of you are incompatible.

While he is insecure, you are self centered and not truthful.

We have no business hearing of how you sent him money on your birthday.

You are trying to make him seems ungrateful, but in reality, he told you on your birthday that he has no money and that he hasn't been paid. You were the one that sent him money even if he didn't ask because you wanted to celebrate your birthday.

Secondly, while he might be insecure by going into your past, but you have to understand that there was something that triggered his action that prompt him to start looking into your past, even as to hack your Facebook accounts.

There is something you are hiding from him and he is beginning to see the signs.

Anyways truth is that if the both of you truly Love each other and you want to see the Union work, then you both have to talk to a relationship expert, a therapist.

It will go a long way in helping the both of you but if there are no therapist around then you just have to break up because the sad truth Is that the relationship will never work without expert opinion on it.

Right now the both of you are incompatible.

Adios!!!!

i beg to differ

men are afraid of women who can handle few things on their own this one is a good example

she has her own flat and no man is renting it for her, she is running her life herself without the usual from most girls/women who want to be provided with everything, so this guy assumes that there is another guy paying for the girls needs and wants

as men we use resourses as way to control women, this guy he no resources he is giving the girl because the girl is able to do that herself, so the guy thinks he has no control over the girl because he has nothing use a tool to control the girl

8 Likes 1 Share

Family › Re: Is It Wrong For A Man To Ask His Wife To Help Pay For Children School Fees by ZIMDRILL(m): 1:48pm On Feb 03, 2020

crackkhaus:
These points are non sequitur

1. Grandkids can be gotten without marriage, many already do.

2. I guess it follows then that unmarried single women should be eternally grateful for being proposed to and learn to act properly so they don't return to singlehood? I don't think you should make this argument.
Like I said, non sequitur.

3. See (2) above

1 those grand kids are called bastard all sorts of names simply because are born out of wedlock

2 its not always the faulty of the ladies to remain single or to be a single parent the fact is that society in africa looks down to single mothers/single ladies of ages from 30 and above

Family › Re: Is It Wrong For A Man To Ask His Wife To Help Pay For Children School Fees by ZIMDRILL(m): 1:42pm On Feb 03, 2020

TheArchangel:
What then will be the duty of that man when the woman is practically doing all this.?
Cooking, rearing kids and being a financial provider

did i say the man has to stop ? or i said wife has to also add value to marriage

remember i said africans we lack financial intelligence two salaries are better than one

Family › Re: Is It Wrong For A Man To Ask His Wife To Help Pay For Children School Fees by ZIMDRILL(m): 7:48am On Feb 03, 2020

crackkhaus:
Lol, like I said earlier, the simple solution is for more people to just avoid getting married all together and live their best lives.

Men are complaining, women are complaining...make everybody dey their lane.

thats a non starter

1 parents wants get grand kids

2 society has no respect for non married single women

3 Girls want to be called Mrs so and so

Family › Re: Is It Wrong For A Man To Ask His Wife To Help Pay For Children School Fees by ZIMDRILL(m): 6:54am On Feb 03, 2020

crackkhaus:
All this is just blame-placing when the simple solution is for men to embrace singlehood, and when they are ready to have children, they get involved in civil partnerships as a suitable alternative to marriage.
I don't see the positives and benefits of adding a grown woman's financial needs to yours when she's not disabled.

I came across a discussion programme on a local TV station yesterday while visiting a friend, and the participants (young people) were debating the pros and cons of marriage these days with about three of them on the con side versus one on the pro side - lots of young men are really waking up to the fact that there are fewer and fewer women with a well developed sense of family and financial responsibility these days, and they are contemplating alternatives to marriage.
The ONLY thing still pushing most young Nigerians into marriage is the 'what will people say' mindset.

Ain't nobody has the time to be teaching a grown woman that she should be a provider when things are bad - heck, it does not even have to get bad before a sensible woman will know to pull her own weight in the home.

The usual shallow defense is usually the combined chores for combined financing argument. I always laugh at the people who come up with this argument because even a 10yr old Chinese protege is more cerebral than that, but not these people it seems.
You can't compare something that can be outsourced (chores) and place it on the same level as something you must do for yourself (financial provision).

most of africans we are not financial intelligent thats why you find thats husband hide his salary, wife has no clue how much husband earns. husband take out a loan without wife knowledge, then down the line wife gets surprised when the bank, reposes the house due to that loan not being paid. All these its because wife has no clue to thr finances of the home due to both ignorant and the idea of being looked after without really taking part

most women became destitutes after being kicked out of marriage home, because they programmed themselves, to be property of the husband aka to be looked after, leaving everything to the men and to start hustling after being provided eveything for 10 years can be hard

As woman also add value to your marriage not by cooking and having kids only but by being also a financial provider if you gifted in any skill or qualification that can add value to the marriage

Family › Re: Is It Wrong For A Man To Ask His Wife To Help Pay For Children School Fees by ZIMDRILL(m): 5:20am On Feb 03, 2020*

esky158:
I will try to make dis very short
A friend of mine who will work together told me a few week back. How he told his wife to help him pay their kids school fees and she refused saiding it the man job to pay their fees. I was shock because I known she has the money, he opened a very big shop for her last year when things started going bad at work for every one at work. I an a friend had advised him to start the business for her and it was one of those things he is always great full to me for. This man has 2 kids kosi who is in jss 2 and Favour who is in primary 3 there both attend a school in their area. What is annoying is he has always beging the one paying their school fees, just that we had a little problem at work for the past 4 month and we all has not been paid at all dis is the first time be is asking his wife to help him pay for anything related to de kids but she refused knowing fully well that she has the money, and dis kids has been sent away from school 4 about a week now and she refused .
My question now is to ask your wife to help you pay your kids school fess is it a bad things because the are both init together and it both their kids

the problem is us men, we charm ladies by telling that i will take care of you and kids meaning your telling her to that broiler chicken to looked after and nothing else

So even when things change financial the man struggling the wife still think its the man's job

its the job of the parents whether mum/daddy but problem is culture and tradition because culture and tradition says kids belong to husband

Can someone explain to me this Nigerian thing aka "I OPENED BUSINESS FOR HER" does it mean husband is not part of business ? it seems like that business get treated it has nothing to do with hubby or the profit being used by the family

in my view men we are partly to blame as culture and tradition makes our women feel that its the men's job to provide everything, in most african countries there more women who work to meet up daily living cost than those who just seat home because hubby salary is enough. They work directly or not to supplement hubby salary because what hubby brings home is not enough so there is no choice

we need to teach out kids as they grow up that it is the responsibility of both parents to look after their kids, our women are groomed to think it is the men's job to provide everything.

Us as men we should also teach our women to be a provider too as we never know life can change eg injury thats will force a man not to be able to provide as before,

2 Likes 1 Share

Family › Re: Parents | Which Public Restroom Should Father Take His Daughter To? by ZIMDRILL(m): 1:06am On Jan 29, 2020

TheMaidDepot:
Which of the convenience should a father who is alone in public with his daughter who need to use the convenience take his child to: Ladies or Gent?

thats depends with each country standards in the west, you might find 4 types of toilets, ladies, gents, disabled and one for changing daipers

i think your question can be classified as African countries problem were such facilities are not tailored to specific people, eg you would only find ladies and gents no disabled and diaper changing room

1 Like

Family › Re: How Do I Handle This Issue With My Mum by ZIMDRILL(m): 3:30am On Jan 27, 2020*

chiemmanuel:
I give my mother monthly allowance, she also works, anytime she requests for extra money, I try my best to make sure I give it to her, the problem is she keeps asking for money from others, and when they ask of me, she tells them that I rarely give her money

My uncle and aunt had called me to enquire, why i don't take care of her, i had to print my statement of account, for them to see,
Meanwhile I asked my mother, she denied it

She doesn't seem to stop, I don't want it to look that I am neglecting her, I have other dependants also.

PLEASE HOW DO I HANDLE THIS SITUATION WITHOUT CAUSING PROBLEMS

1 where is your father in this equation its your father's job cover the allowance ? money from you is token of appreciation for cant classified as allowance

2 was she ever borrowing or she does it because she knows you always chip in as your allowance is used as cushion to her borrowing

3 Continue giving her money within your means but keeps the records

4 Who ask you about the lies from your mother, use the records to speak on your behalf

5 Using point 3 & 4 eventually people will see through your mother's lies

5 Dont be blackmailed by mum "saying your are embrassing her in proving thats she is lying " object her statement by saying she is teaching you to lie to people because she lies to people

Most Africans milk their kids dry before s/he even starts his/her family . We start by sort off repaying a debts you inherit by simply being born to them. They dont even care about your own future with wife and kids . Some demand leaving with grandkids as a way to keep you sending money to them

Yes lets look after parents but parents also lets leave room for our kids to prosper better and have a better future financially than having sort lineage of poverty

3 Likes

Family › Re: . by ZIMDRILL(m): 12:40am On Jan 27, 2020

missmishel:
An ex boyfriend left 6years ago when pregnant with his child for no reason. He never care about his son. Nothing matters to him except himself. I struggle all by myself.
Suddenly, my ex came back with an appology giving inrelevant reasons why he left.
He wants me back and his son.
Looking at him, all I feel for him is deep hatred.
What's the best way to revenge on this guy?
How can I hurt him back?

What do you think?

you would be a fool if you plot revenge, because the energy you waste on revenge would have made you a better and happy person if you would use the same energy to better yourself i.e making yourself better be it financially or just being happy aka treating yourself be it going on a holiday or doing things that make yourself happy

Dont date any guy simply because you want to hurt him, you will simply hurt yourself

The only revenge is not plotting, anything but just making your better in any form without doing it to hurt him but doing it for yourself

Family › Re: We Don't Understand Our Landlord I Need Your Opinion by ZIMDRILL(m): 10:00pm On Jan 26, 2020*

lalajnr:
Please Nairalanders i really need your opinion about my Landlord has been doing my family we ask him to fix something in our house and everyday everybody in our house normally goes to work. Our Landlord doesn't stay in that in that compound but normally come often. What we told him to fix is in the room he has extra key. So he went ahead when all of my family were not at home he opened the door and fix it. That is an offense to my family. My family wants to sue him to court and I am confused right now please help me.
Your advice are very important to me please

to sue him roughly means you soon leaving his house. are you prepared to leave ? No reasonable person who keep a tenant that is suing him/her

on the otherside tell him what he did was wrong whether he agrees or not it doesnt matter but the fact that you have let him know that it was wrong in your family values etc

6 Likes

Family › Re: Woman Reveals What Her Husband Did When She Served Him Food Without Meat by ZIMDRILL(m): 9:52pm On Jan 26, 2020

nonsojaggs:
A woman recently took to Twitter to share what her husband did soon after she could not serve him food with meat.

According to her, her husband refused to eat the remaining stew she served as there no meat left, she had to boil an egg for substitute. However, her husband rejected the meal claiming...

Read full story:
https://cdn-af.feednews.com/news/detail/fbbb5bcb31ef1acf188b521ee0094bc2?client=iosnews&features=8798600989

sometimes men we are self entitled for no reason

you cant expect the wife to cook meat when you havent left money for meat

1 Like

Family › Re: I Am Sex Starved, My Marriage Is Falling Apart by ZIMDRILL(m): 6:51pm On Jan 23, 2020*

Prosper82:
I would like in advance to apologize for the long post but I think some background information is needed so you can assess the situation.

My wife and I have two kids. The oldest is turning 8 soon and the youngest is 7 months old.

Since our first child was born she has been co-sleeping with us. And ever since our sex life has been going down hill.

Now since our youngest child was born he has also been sleeping with us in a queen sized bed. But after two months of very poor sleep, I decided I couldn't follow that arrangement anymore so I went to sleep in the next room.

So since our kids were born my wife has been sleeping with them and now I sleep alone.

As you could imagine, you can't really have sex with two kids on the bed.
We have gone weeks and even months without having any sex.
So my wife says that we should have sex in the room where I sleep after she puts the children to sleep.
This to me sounds like making an appointment to have sex. It isn't something you can have if you have to set up a time in advanced. I also miss cuddling with her and sleeping in our bed.

I feel like us sleeping in different rooms and beds has been the biggest hurdle to get back to the point we were before having kids.

We have a crib for the baby and a bed for our oldest daughter where each of the children could sleep separately but she's into attachment parenting so if the children cry (which I suppose they will when adapting to a new sleeping arrangement) is something that she wouldn't tolerate.

I also I understand the 7 month old might need to be breastfed in the middle of the night so she says it's more convenient just to have him nearby in bed than having to get up to breastfeed him but I feel that my daughter should be learning to sleep independently.

Anyway, it's been quite a while without sex and I don't know what to tell her or do.
We have a lot of fights because of this.

I feel that attachment parenting might feel like you're doing the best for the kids, but if it also ends up destroying the marriage and we separate what good would that do for them?

What do you guys think?

mumu you cant think deep

you got two things things to do with your situation

1 you make use of your current situation as kids are used to sleep in main bedroom with mum, just put them in bed the moment they sleep wife comes over to the other room and you have fun. invest in bed monitor system (middle class people dont sleep with their kids, they have their bedrooms)
poor you two adults are being defected out run a 9yrs and 7 months child

2 to reclaim the bedroom reverse the current situation let mum sleep with kids in other room, you move back into the bedroom, once kids are asleep mum come and join you in the main bedroom, very simple

93 Likes 4 Shares

Family › Re: Wife Orders Husband To Sleep With Her Mum In Zimbabwe (Photos) by ZIMDRILL(m): 9:54am On Jan 20, 2020

happy200:
I know Harare, hope you know how awkward Binga is.

does Harare represent the whole zimbabwe ?

does lagos represent nigeria ?

Family › Re: It's Wrong To Apologize To Kids, They Start To Act Spoilt - Man Warns Fathers by ZIMDRILL(m): 10:55pm On Jan 19, 2020

most people are overthinking especially those who are saying it builts self entitlement to the kids if father apologies but its not people you are thinking as adult, kids pick love in different ways if a father apologies to leave the house to early before they woke up, the apology is showing love to kids, they will understand that daddy said sorry for leaving without saying goodbye which is to some people would be a combination of words and hug or words of encouragement like being a good boy/girl at skol etc

problem with many african parents they dont know how to show love to kids, kids are like slave or 2nd class citizen in the house, there is no love put fear put in to us

Dont get me wrong am not saying western way of raising kids is better than us no, here we just picked the negativity from most african homes

Family › Re: Wife Orders Husband To Sleep With Her Mum In Zimbabwe (Photos) by ZIMDRILL(m): 10:41pm On Jan 19, 2020

happy200:
Sorry to say Zimbabwe is filled with dumb people,

crazy stories always come up from all world countries

1 remember the snake that swallowed money in nigeria

2 remember the frenzy of ladies pants

3 cult culture in universities

the list is endess

1 Like

Family › Re: Wife Orders Husband To Sleep With Her Mum In Zimbabwe (Photos) by ZIMDRILL(m): 10:36pm On Jan 19, 2020

happy200:
Sorry to say Zimbabwe is filled with dumb people, I personally don't think anything good will come out of Zimbabwe and Malawi as Countries. I visited both Countries old and dirty women asking me out. Running after men like flies they are so weird and carefree

which part of zimabwe did you visit ?

1 Like

Family › Re: My Wife And Mother Hate Each Other by ZIMDRILL(m): 7:13pm On Jan 18, 2020*

laluski:
You Caused all these issues yourself.You should have envisaged that this would or could happen.If you knew it's something you can't handle,then you SHOULD NOT have married your wife.both of you would have found even better peace and harmony with other partners.When a man/woman gets married,you marry both your partner AND HER FAMILY.you can't do without them.So if your wife chooses to disrespect your mother directly and indirectly.am sorry but you married a BAD woman.Assuming that's how she talks down to her own parents,it's a different case.Even at that,it's still wrong.am in my mid 40's and can't even imagine getting married to a wife like yours.even if your mum was intolerable,it's her duty to remain patient.NO MATTER WHAT.what right does she have to decide if your mum should invite guests or not to HER SON'S WEDDING.who is she.
Anyway it's too late now.You just have to bear your cross and it's past,present and future consequences.Just pray hard your son doesn't grow up hating your mum for no just cause because of what he'll be seeing and experiencing as he grows older, it'll be on you my brother
Good luck

thats a wrong concept to say nomatter what wife should remain patient, i think thats what breeds an angry future mother-in-law, she will badly treat her own daughter-in-law due to the fact that she was ill treated as daughter in law

from my little exposure of my 43 year of life, i have found out that our african customs have tendency to abuse other people based on so called NY "MY ELDER" its like all their years they waited in anger to be an ELDER and now its the time to revenge or show that i am an ELDER have to be respected whether right are wrong etc. Most dont show or teach and practise love but demand respect all the time

A daughter-in-law is human too so is son-in-law, we shouldnt push away what they feel hurt simply because they should tolerate evil mother/father in law

father/mother-in-laws should be a better teacher to only married couples but you find them fighting or wanting to be part of every move or decision of married couple, it better to missed than frequent visits

look at this story mother in law visits every weekend it means daughter in law has to time to breath or reflect of the problems because person causing some problem is always there

am not saying the son should ditch the mother NO but sometimes we need time to breath and reflect our problem

5 Likes

Family › Re: My Wife Wants To Leave Me by ZIMDRILL(m): 2:18am On Jan 15, 2020

Platini7:
Please i created this moniker to seek advise on this issue.

I got married to my wife in 2018 and there's already an issue that is threatening our young marriage.

We dated briefly 10 years ago before she travelled to the US for schooling. She stayed there for a while and then got into a relationship over there with a guy i know (I wasn't close friends with the guy). I had to move on with my life and got into a relationship of my own here in Nigeria.
Back then, i use to have this silly habit of creating anonymous facebook accounts where i would add people i know and comment on their posts and pictures without them ever knowing i was the one. I dropped many comments back then and one such incident happened to be a time i commented on her close friend's picture, telling her (the friend) she was pretty and how i wanted her. This was almost 10 years ago and i swear i never meant any of those words. It was just a silly joke and i had completely forgotten all that.
My wife returned Nigeria in 2016 and somehow we reconnected and got married in 2018.

Just last week, she stumbled on those posts i made in 2010-2011 and got really heartbroken and upset. Right now, even after pleading with her, she says she wants to quit the marriage. She packed a few of her stuff and travelled home to Abia state from our base in Lagos. So far, what she told her family in the east is that she just came back to visit them for a little while because she couldn't come back during xmas.
Now she's threatening that i won't see my 1 year old son anytime soon cos she's already making plans of relocating abroad for good.

Please my question is this; Do you think this issue is enough to cause this kind of disharmony in our home?
What do you advice?
Thank you

your story doesnt add up, you used to open new accounts to comment of few people's account right ?

now the wife saw those comment, how does she know it was you? since the accounts where anonymous ?

And how can it be used against you when there is a gab of you breaking up and both having new relationship

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