₦airaland Forum

Olayetan:
Just recently I noticed my break pedal is very hard to match and when i match it, a wild Sound will come from the under/front wheel like ‘keh’
this is bothering me seriously as I don’t know what could be the cause and what will happen to someone’s car if someone forgets to put off the handbreak while driving but realized after 10mins drive away.




Pla if you have experienced this, kindly share your view and what you fixed in it.

pliz note am none nigerian

what do you mean hard to match ?

trying to decode your english, it seems like your brake pads are gone and its now metal on metal on the brake disk and brake pads


take the car to a mechanic and ask them to check the brake pads and disk in front of you

worn out brake pads look like this

sometimes kids are empty vessels can you feed sny information you like just like things like tooth fairy, santa etc

so with your child use the same idea, eg sexual you can say are things for adult married people

OlawaleBammie:
Sorry for weytiinnnnn??.?? sorry ko, sopa ni!! in Africa, our parent says sorry but not verbally most of d tyms, dey say it with gift, der are not daft, sometimes wen dey feel u hav bn wrongly accused dey wil try everything to appease you even in their attitudes and behaviors towards u u wil knw but dey may find it litle hard to say sorry verbally.
and d reason is if same scenario hapens another day, u wil b expecting dem to beg u, u wil turn dem to ur mate, even if u re at fault u wil stil b expecting sorry from dem.
dat is how it has been and i love it dat way, nowadays u find 17yr old child taking his life, if u ask why, dey wil say dey've bn tampered with emotionally, kilonjebee, na our all dis new generation parent who are copying the oyinbos dat is causing all dis halfbaked children all around in d name of not tampering with emotions, am sure if my parents had happened to b one of dis new generation parent who claim dey dont discipline child even if dey do dey wil b begging d child like d child wil go bak to heaven if he's not appeased i swear i would have committed suicide looooong ago.
In Yoruba land we hav one saying which goes thus.
...if a child ofend an elder the child must b d one to beg the elder and if its vice versa its stil d child who wil beg d elder... ask a genuine, i mean a genuine yoruba parent he wil confirm dis to u.


begi ko, pele ni

you are mixing too many things into one
i think most people understood the sorry being talked about a verbal sorry where its due there is nothing complicated about it.

even up now, your own parents they wouldnt even say sorry to you as grown up simply becoz of that hierarchy system whereby elders are always right

where one who is younger is not allowed to question or express his/her feeling, etc

TheRealOwner:
Anyone else wonders how a house wife with not enough money to stay afloat was able to afford an hotel till she bought the house?

not even that

any civil marriage to divorce, your are given a year or more of separation to try to work things out or continue with divorce application

OlawaleBammie:
This is d best in i wil read today, dont mind all dos halfdone babies joo. african parents are training u ahead IN CASE the unthinkable hapens in d future, one never can tell, one may find himself/herself in an unfamiliar situation in the near future by den u must hav been groomed, no wonder we re having too much teenage suicide this days.

i think you both missed the point

i believe the sorry being asked, is where a sorry is due, not sorry over displining a child

its hard for most african parents to say sorry where sorry is due

greenhulk:
Lol. So Africans control the prices of used cars in the US? Lol. How far can't u people go ?

the answer can be yes/no

why here in UK there are certain town whereby Nigerian/Cameron have established themselves as engine buyers at the scrapyard

so the scrapyard would prefer to sell an engine as unit than to let it sit and being ripped for parts slow overtime and it would also affect the price of the engines

so am saying in general it can affect prices based on search of the sellers based on town or city

sultaan:
I have learnt something here in the US, if you see an old Corolla or Camry on the road it is usually owned by an African the JJCs
If you take an old Corolla or Camry to the auction it will be bought by am African.Americans NEVER bid on old Toyota because you can't outbid Africans unless you want to lose money.
Only those who have driven a old Toyota and old other brands will understand other point of view.
Toyota might be no1 in reliability, but lags on driver satisfaction.
Most who argue for Toyota here still dream of owning a Corolla and they will fight when their dream is being diminished

its the same here in UK you find the old Asian (Pakistan & India ) guys drive Toyota eg the Aventis, i find all Toyota salon be it american or europe being ugly

fineboynl:
It was still hard to believe. I couldn't come to term with it like in reality. part of me is still not in conclusion until I was told they have done embalming.

I don't know if its just normal... I still don't feel like I lost someone i still feel like he is alive. unlike the way I feel for people that are even far from me when they died. it feel like I need to be reminded every seconds.

I have been drinking and have drunk already.

please for respect seek. I don't want this to be on the front page. and I don't want anyone to tell me sorry or take heart.

i might seems heartless

but it doesnt make sense to me if you lost your father today and you would have time to open a thread about it unless if you were not that close

abidemidare:
What Causes Engine stop while driving on Honda accord V6? Must especially on the traffic, started last month. have changed plugs, nozzles, service injector, now planning to change coil. it's very annoying. it would start immediately while at time it won't, I have to off the engine completely and wait for like 5mins before it's start.

Guru in the house pls help

go back to basic get the car scanned

xavuv:
Im not getting you sir

i was just agreeing to your point and expanding more

that people tend to see the point you said after the damage has been done in the relationship between wife and relatives

babyfaceafrica:
too many generalizations and you don't have to embellish situations to prove a point....men into know how to transform from bachelor to been married abi?..but women can transform from spinsterhood to ufe easily?.. yinmu..marriage if for matured people..if a matured man married an immature Lady, there will be problem, if a mature Lady, marries an immatures/mummy boy_problem dey...if two matured people have inconsiderate mothers,they have issues.....nothing is certain..

i was just giving an example and i didnt not say women are better in the transition

the focus here was and is on men, yes women have their own mistake too but that would be another thread

eni4real:
I don't mean it this way..
The husband should not start the comparison through cooking, conduct etc
I am focused on the scenario whereby the wife is obsessed with the comparison.. . Some wives compare for no tangible reason... Yes, no tangible reason!

i was giving an example how our wives end up disliking our mothers due to us comparing her cooking

Bosun13:
It was started with my Toyota sienna, I do complain about my sienna year 2000 that fuel economy was very bad but to my surprise after making enough enquiry how normal sienna suppose to run, I realized my car is Ok after spending enough to satisfied both kazeems and real engineers....change catalyst,plugs and so many after enough diagnoses ...but just of recent my exhaust pipe burst after 02 censors, i couldn't bear the louder sound but i decided to use it like that for several weeks. To my surprise with that louder sound, where i use to go with #2000 fuel...I'm now using #1000 fuel..pls i dnt really Understand the reason bcs i do hear of busting exhaust leak consume much fuel...i need guru explanation thanks

yes a leaking exhaust that has o2 sensor can lead the car to consume for fuel

the reason being air from
outside gets sucked in into the exhaust therefore it affect the reading if the o2 sensor, the o2 sends that false reading to ECU,based on that false reading the ECU adjust the fuel air ratio by adding more fuel becoz the reading from the o2 is indicating more air in the exhaust fumes, therefore ECU add more fuel to balance the ratio

so the ECU is constantly adding fuel due to hole in the exhaust system bring more more air that results in false reading via o2 sensor

eni4real:
Exactly
But wives love to compare..
There is no basis for comparison.. They should focus on their motherhood career!!

Hope you noticed that a young lady created this thread just to compare??..

wives might compare but i think the main problem would be the husband

why ?
do you know that as men we dont how to transform from a bachelor to husband, we compare our wifes cooking with our mums instead teaching our wives ourself how the our favourite dish is done

we dont take time to learning, new recipes from our wives, instead we want our wives to do the exact recipe our mother does without knowing that, our wives were brought up in a different home and environment

also our mums prepare us to be not like our wives cooking, why because they never teach us to cook ourself those favourite dishes we like, teaching your own wive how to cook your favourite dish can bring a couple to understand each other better and also help in being a romantic etc

rought 95% dont know how to cook their favourite food, therefore comparing your wife's cooking to mums bring in the feeling of not being a good cook and unwanted therefore wife might not like your mother simply because she is being told that she is not a good cook

no woman would want to be called a bad cook especially when it comes to cooking for her own husband

so mothers play part in seeding the not liked feeling by daughter in laws

the best thing move away from parents and relatives, if you live in the same town, go to a new place whereby you learn to establish yourself and new couple and stop reporting every mistake your other half do learn to sort out your misunderstanding without calling relatives

usually both side relatives in the 1st years are never interested about the marriage but protecting one of their own, only years later thats when they start to support both of your as couple due the fact that they have now learn over time that your nolonger individuals but a couple

parents and relatives should let you be able to sort out your problems on your own without them interfering whether through invitation or being nosy

the word my family means wife and kids

thats why you find that when one asks how is your family they mean your wife/husband and kids then if one want to ask about your mum/daddy they dont use the same phrase as how is your family but they say how is your mum and daddy

there are family but once you are married, family is your wife/husband and kids, then the rest is the extended family mum daddy uncles aunties nephew and nieces

this idea of putting your parents 1st before your wife is the reason why sometimes, kids suffer when parent dies especially the father because you would have gave your parents the idea that the parents are important that your wife and kids therefore they dont feel pity for your kids when die they kick the wife out from the house and divide the assets among themselves without thinking about the future of your wife and kids
simply because your taught them that they come 1st before wife and kids

eni4real:
Become a mother of a grown adult first, then we can talk!!!

The Mother's love for a son is the purest ever... When you get to that level you will understand. You can ask your mum... She will enlighten you better. She will not be biased...
Love for one's wife is a romantic love that must be taken seriously with loyalty and responsibility... But it become complicated when the wife is trying to compare who her husband love more....
It make no sense because there is no basis for comparison. The love is different....

When my wife become a mother of a grown adult, she will understand better. Words cannot describe the love I have for my mother for her selflessness and dedication to my progress in life... Any responsible lady should have the same love for her mother too..

My wife should wait for her time. .. It is not by being an XX being.. It is by hardwork...
May all mothers eat the fruit of their labour (Amin)!!

you are misguided both wife and mum offer different kind of love

you are putting all into one instead of separating the kind of love they both give to you,

a wife has her own kind of love, which is she give you from the day you start dating, as men you should be mature enough to understand the different love they give

neither can replace each other so dont compare the two

xavuv:
I don't joke with my family (wife and kids). I always admonish her to always behave herself appropriately.

We do little interaction with parents and siblings. So little room for nonsense

people realise what you just said years after the damage has been done

what they dont realise is that their own parents did have much interference from those own respective family as they also wanted their own freedom and space

Logobenz2:
I no really get strength to argue else I for counter some of their posts.
How would a person say that a mom's sacrifice doesn't matter but just an obligation to fullfill?
Doesn't sound serious to me at all.
So all those homeless kids feeding from trashcan,did their moms do what they were suppose to?
So isn't it a privilege some of us didn't go through that horrific path because of the sacrifices some of our moms made?
Personally,if not for my mom,I no know where I for dey walahi.
I cannot count the resources that woman pumped into me endlessly before I finally became a man.Did she owe me that?
Such a great woman I can never do without!
I was having some issues this morning in business and I called her,her strategy she gave me did not exceed a sentence yet I've got it all figured already.
Abeg mama you too much

picture this

you say "if was'nt for your mum and countless resources"

who do you think was meant to do it? besides your mum and daddy

african parents they emotionally blind us by sounding as if it was someone's job to look after their own kids

why would one say i sacrificed for you when its your job to do not anyone else

your kids your job nothing to sacrifice for

but am not saying we should take care of our parents

J111333:
I would've thought so myself if I wasn't there and saw her say it. From what I read in her mind, there wasn't any exaggerations in all she said.

remember people always lie in confidence

a lie said too many times ends up being said to be true


but am not saying it doesnt happens but in mostly AFRICA its rare

J111333:
So yesterday at a coffee shop, I met a married Nigerian mother of three from Imo state who said that she had never done grocery shopping for her household, cooked, done any house cleaning, bathed her kids or changed their diapers. Not only did she not know how to do those, she wasn't interested and didn't see them as shortcoming.
Actually, she hadn't done any domestic work all her life obviously because she had househelp growing up back home and as at the time of filing this report hahaha, she wasn't ready for any domestic work brouhaha(in her words).

All those according to her, were being done by her husband and she didn't see any problems with that. I thought she was kidding but the seriousness on her face and from what I observed in her during the coffee break made me believe every single word she said.

....ehmmm before I forget, she was a practicing nurse who was there for a job opening in the military. All these started when I asked how her family would cope if she became a military nurse possibly traveling around the world.
The fun and shock from listening to her was however cut short when a colleague walked into us and she realized she was talking or should I say boasting to the wrong person.

I now ask, is this normal?

Lalasticlala, please come and share your thoughts as a married man.

she told you what you wanted to hear

its very rare in most AFRICAN marriages

even here in west few men are househusbands

Rubbiish:
@bold u make laugh
The wife and mother have different place in the life of man, every man got only one mother, but number of wife is unlimited.
U will naturally sound like this, till your son grow up, only then u will understand the pain of having an ungrateful son. The sacrifice a mother will make for her son, very few wives, if any sef can ever make it. U think it is easy to mould a man? Wait till u your son grow up

Freecocoa is a lesbian and knows nothing about raising a child, dont allow her mislead u

stop lying to your self there is nothing called "sacrifice a mother make for her son " its self pity statement if your not raped then their is no sacrifice its your job to look after the child dont make as if it was someone's job to look after the child

the only people who can claim to your word sacrifice are mothers who were raped or any other person who is/or looked after someone's child eg any close relatives because it was their choice to have that child

the rest its a choice they made to have a child via marriage, unprotected sex, unplanned pregnancy etc therefore your are required to look after the child irregardless whether your got the means to look after the child or not, there the decision to have unprotected sex or unplanned pregnancy was your choice

please dont self pity as if it was someone's job to look after the child

Rubbiish:
His mother becomes what?

whats the role of his father ?

NextGovernor:
I am having a serious overheating issue in my 2014 Kia Rio. My mechanic said it was top casket, he changed it and still giving me same issue. Now the car isn't even starting. It just start once and won't come on again.

He is now saying my AC compressor is overpowering my engine. But outside that it still overheat in a little distance of about 30minutes without the AC but will overheat in less than 10mins when AC is ON.

Please help a brother. I just tire.

1st thing change your mechanic
AC will never overpower the engine, AC gets power from the engine via the AC clutch

if changig the headgasket due to overheating, you need the head to be skimed then put all back together and then do the right timing

i suggest you do a compression test on all cylinders

there is nothing wrong in it

it just depends on what culture and tradition you believe in


legally you can change to any surname you choose to

Magnoliaa:
Did the mom continue raising him even when he is old enough to get married?

You can't put the blame entirely on the parents or continue to blame them.

Adults should be responsible for themselves.

you are missing the main point

am saying there are things that people sometimes expect you to do but there were not part of your upbringing, therefore unless someone tells you to do them you wouldnt because you were never taught those things when growing up

Only when you are told and start to learn thats when people should expect you to do so, that the reason why people sometimes say marry people from your tribe etc becoz you share a same culture and tradition

like the guy in this thread it mostly girls who are taught to help the mother-in-law never guys

guys are taught to help father-in-law around male role chores

this is a guy who is meant to help mother in law in cleaning the dishes which is a cultural and traditional roles of a woman

the thread reads "Men of these days" sound as if men used to do dishes for mother-in-laws but that not the case

LillyVal:
The man who wants to marry my sister visited. He didn't follow my mother to the kitchen to assist. They gave him four pieces of meat and he finished all. Our pile of dirty clothes was purposely in the parlor, dude didn't volunteer to wash & iron them. Men of these days , SMH.

well would blame it on the men or the mum who raised him ?

there is a equation people fail to understand especially from both parents

as a mum if you want your son to help his wife in the future, you start teaching them the roles yourself, let him and his sister do all house chores regardless if gender roles that are done due to tradition and culture, by the time he gets married helping the wife wont be a problem becoze he had been taught to help

these also applies to the girl child the father also teaches the daughters to do male traditional roles these helps them to be selfs reliant than waiting for a man all the time


so before blaming some traditional and cultural on people, we should ask the question"what we expect from someone was it part of his/her upbringing"

Ritaokafor:
Both but more of bringing the child to Africa.

that one its bit tough remember, adoption is on the best insterest of the child taking a child off an environment that there are used, wont be good to the child hence it would be a battle

Lovefury:
Please bare with me this post is coming from a wife and mother that is in a bad place emotionally.

I have been with my husband for 10 years married for 5 years. Two children 3 and 1.5years.

Recently we had a huge busy up over my husband making big financial decisions behind my back.
2 years ago he went through his mum to purchase land in Nigeria and did not tell me about it. It’s only wen coincidentally someone called me and warned me about ‘nigerians’ saying I should not to trust him fully that he might be building in Nigeria as we speak, I told him about the convo as a joke like ‘imagine what this person is saying’ I defended my husband that he’s not like that. The next day he sat me down n said ‘babe guess what! We bought land in Nigeria’ I responded saying who is we because I didn’t know anything about this.
His mum kept quiet for one year she didn’t know I knew. Wen she discovered I knew about it she called me with a fob story ‘iyawo, I’ve been telling him to tell u. Even me I don’t like what he did I’ve been telling him I didn’t know he already told u’ I just laughed it off n said no problem.

Fast forward just three weeks back he decided he wants to build apartments on the land. We did all the calculations and I told him it was not a good financial decision as we live off pounds and the naira he is expecting can not sustain us here (UK). His mum called me and I explained the same thing to her that first of all we do not own any property yet in the UK were just going through the process and secondly a lot of money will go into building and the returns will not be worth it. His mum said she can’t believe what’s coming out of my mouth that it’s not for her it’s for me and my kids I politely said ma I understand but this is something we have to still think about maybe in the next two years. After few days I hear that his mum already got contractors etc and building commenced two days after that phone call!!
That was the last and final straw. I have accommodated a lot of rubbish from my husband over the years I have been patient with him.
1. He is a serial cheat though he doesn’t rub it in my face and tries his best to hide it I always find things out about him with other women.
2. He never defends me wen it comes to anything to do with his family. I’m automatically the enemy but if his sisters insult me he will always make excuses for them. I try my level best to get on with everyone I really do but I’ve reached a point of tiptoeing around his family because I know if they should say something about me my husband will never defend me. I have literally been in my own house with his sister fighting me and my husband said that’s just how she is I should leave it.
3. My husband prioritises his own enjoyment with friends etc clubbing, vacations and different activities
4. My husband only started sharing duties with our children four months ago after a big falling out prior to that he had only changed maybe 3 nappies in 3years! He has still ever bathed the kids.

I have been on antidepressants because of him there was a time last year I nearly got into a car accident because my mind was so overwhelmed I just ended up parking and breathing through it. At the worst point I started having panic attacks and was so insecure to go outside because I would wonder if his concubines see me without me knowing them. I have seen some of the girls he per-sues and honestly I am not that. I am not ugly myself but I have gained weight from my kids though I can still package myself well. I just do not feel like I am enough for this man.

I have been told by different older women that that is how men are I just have to find happiness in my children and wait for him to change but I am sorry I don’t believe women were put on this earth to suffer.

I am too young and too good of a person to only know misery at the hands of a man that claims he loves me.

The only good thing I can say about my husband is anything financial he is 10/10 he is the main breadwinner though I also work and have a professional career he doesn’t ask about my income or expenses. At the same time I don’t ask him for money either I pay some small bills and do food shopping etc and buy my kids everything they need. My husband pays the rent and kids nursery fees which are two big bills.

I am so exhausted in giving him multiple chances I just need to take a stand. I told him I want a separation but he didn’t take me seriously he always thinks everything is a joke with me. For three weeks I haven’t spoken with his mum or sisters I ignore their calls and messages I felt like because I’m not Nigerian they want to use my head or something or maybe because I don’t fight or argue they think I’m a door mat.

I don’t know how reasonable I am being but I’m really tired I’m so tired of being taken for granted.

p.s his family are well off they don’t need anything from him I just feel they like to intrude and control which he can’t see.

I need real experienced advise from those that have been there or witnessed such before because these guys are too advanced for meh simple brain.

my dear your main problem is on the finance

1 your financial arrangement make it looks, like you are living separately, it doesnt work in western world if both are looking forward to buy property aka house your finance need to very open to each other account for every penny

our father and other before us never show wives their finance aka pay slip, because they didnt want the wives to know how much he earns becoz they kept some for themselves and also it was a way to control the wife and some were only handed out what was need

2 long back looking after wife/family was providing everything aka finance to be able to by things but due to finance illitaracy, husband would not involve wives in big family finance discussion hence you find most houses would be bought with husband only being on the title deeds. Wives wouldnot ask anything becoz as she was basically being looked after there is nothing to worry, the problem would come when he dies all the properties are in his name makes it for his family member to kick you out (under tradition without getting the courts involved )

3 the above set up went for years both men and women not understanding finance litracy in family ie taking out loan and mortagages

so you are operating as two people in your finances instead of being a couple, therefore your goals financially are secrets to each other instead of achieving as couple, one is planning a future without the other

only a fools would plan a future with his mother than his wife, he should think hard how would he feel if his own father was building a house behind his own mother

i have told so man africas to say with all papers are ok its alway wise to by a house in the west in 20 years that house would have more value than that big mansion you built in the village

MrBrownJay1:
It is difficult for any foreigners to adopt a child in EU or US. A French couple cannot go and adopt a child in the US.

i beg to differ, it is possible but it depends with main reason for adoption eg though its vice versa madonna adopted because she was going to give a better future for the child, in most adoption kids are adopted to have family growing up atmosphere, like any other kids

back to the question, it is not very clear, by african what does it mean, africans living in the west or adopt to bring over to africa ?

Realslimshady:
Nice but is this how you talk to people in real life?

may be

MaNyEsq:
The examples that Mr. Utomi gave about the benevolence of others towards him that brought him to where he is today are exactly what is wrong with Nigeria. He alluded to the fact that he was a beneficiary of the kindness of others that are not of his ethnic stock. Does that make it right when such group errs or takes a position that's detrimental or repugnant to the survival of the nation state? This shows how selfish and self serving Mr. Utomi and others who had been in position of authority really are. Nigerian politicians past and present have such myopic point of view that they can't see beyond what does not benefit them. So, let's not forget that just having an education like Mr. Utomi does not equate to wisdom and knowledge. You can be educated and still be a FOOL...Educated Fool!

you saw it through my eyes

nigerians your are very tribal dissing each is in your dna

if you read through what he said, is basically describing corruption at the top, the on the issue of tribe he also basically saying each tribe looks after its own, so the tribal hate will continue for ever

i am a non nigerian, but i work with nigerians name calling of tribe is too much, last saturday i was having discussion with 1 nigerian colleague, he was saying ohh the government has introduced new passport its red and has fulani based emblem and fulanis are not nigerians

i asked him why he doesnt like the emblem and why fulanis are not nigerians, he went on to say the current president is fulani hence the emblem a fulani emblem as been put, i asked "before what was on the passport "!he say there were 3 emblem representing other tribes i think the 3 main one igbos yoruba etc, i then asked him did the fulanis complain of those emblem on the old passport then the answer was No then i asked then why are you complaining,

i only said to him i think that group of people have been marginalised, hence you treat them as non nigerians

then finally from our conservation he said he is biafran, with my little knowledge, he has no much knowledge of tribes from very up muslim north
of the country he feeds on BS that tribes dish to each other, his knowledge is fulanis are not nigerians simply becoz there are normads they cant really claim ancestral land becoz they roam around the countries that recognise them but are marginalise them due there movements


then you hear one crying for one africa we havent matured to respect and live with other tribes without name calling

being nice or money doesnt no tribe

these is my two cents

farous:
The sexual life of the marriage of years has been fantastic but started collapsing since 2 to 3 years now

There was an issue that lead to some 5 to 6 months of separation before we re united again and I'm those months of separation both of us messed up by having extra marital affair which we confessed and forgiven each other

But right from the day we reconciled till date, the fantastic sexual life has gone bad as I am the only one that initiates sex till today,unlike those years before the separation either she or I do initiate it and make love on frequent basis,but never the same, she don't even care or have sexual feelings to me again unlike those time

There was a statement she used to make within the fist month we re united most time I made love with her and I quote" All these your small boy love make self.... Bla bla"
The statement do get me annoyed and I warned her never go make such statement again as its an insult to me because over the years we have been living together, you never make such, and now we re united such statements keep voicing out with boldness, she stopped it.

I have sat her down severally and asked her why all these non initiation of sex from her again or feeling to have sex with me anymore the way it used to be, that I am now the one that initiates sex and feels having sex with you and many times u turn me down or giving one complain or the other and even if we lie on the bed you turn your face the other side and all these changes started when we re united after 5 months separation.The only answer she give me was that I don't use to talk romantic sweet words to her. I objected it and told her that if for the past years we have been staying and our sexual life was fantastic and enjoyable, was I not the same person of no romantic sweet words(as you claimed)those years?,how come it's after this little separation and reuniting that all these excuse started manifesting? ,I even went to the extent of asking her to open up with me if I don't satisfy to compare with the ones both of us put hand on during separation,or should I increase even my manhood etc, in fact I was confused, I don't know what to do,but she did not say any further thing

To cut the story short,this weekend, I got annoyed and sat her down that since for close to 3 years now, I am the one that initiates almost 98 percent of love making,and her lack of sexual feelings on me anymore as well as all time facing the other side anytime we lie on bed, that henceforth, that we should be sleeping separately as there is no need sleeping together as husband and wife and no need disturbing her anymore to make love, that I feel I am being rejected and I am forcing myself on her, that I can't continue,sex is enjoyable tru the role and cooperation of feelings from both partners and very boring when it's always one partner making and having the feeling,that I know what I am passing tru, that I have tried and I feel she is getting satisfaction and joy elsewhere and should continue the way as it pleases her.

She said she is not having affairs outside and that God is the one to judge and that if I am no longer interested in the marriage why can't I take her back to his father's house and rightful quit

Please kindly advise, I am fed up for three years is not three months and till date she refuse to tell me the cause of her act. Thank you

you are dealing with the side effects of the reasons you separated

you were meant to disclose the reason that made you separate and how you solved the issue/s and agreed to get back together

then on both of you messing up can be clear what it both of you having an affair before separating or during the separation period?

yes i know i most african culture, if there is separation the wife is closely monitored to prevent her from seeing someone, i think it worked in very old days when people lived as clans and tribes

now with urbanization its hard as, people are busy with jobs etc and wife can travel by simply even going into town to meet her lover

my understanding of separation based on west influence culture basically it means lets leave separate while you do your BS and s/he does hers, there is nothing s/he had an affair during the separation period

you said there was a time when sat down and asked why she doesnt initiates like before and she responded by say "you nolonger use sweets words like before" and instead of paying more attention you went on to dismis her reason therefore i conclude you are a "me, me " person you dont take time to listen when others are explaining themselves


it looks like during that talk instead of saying sorry you cut her off by asking her "am i not the same person of no romantic words"

what cause the separation is the root of all this

Yoloboy098:
We met one Saturday afternoon in my area ... We exchanged contacts and started texting each other.. I told her about my interest in dating her but she made a statement I cannot forget.. she said she doesn't need love from any guy.. I felt maybe it's due to past relationships that never worked out with her because in our conversations she talked about having some relationships that just didn't work out because she was getting tired in the relationships...

Fast forward.. after a week to two of phone calls and texting .. she came on a visit to my apartment.. I brought up the issue of we getting along together but she said no she wasn't in love with me.. she told me she don't want anything to happen between us.. she said she only like me as a friend but she don't like me for a relationship..

While trying to calm her down into believing my words of treating her right with a good heart.. I realized that while playing with her hairs and running her neck slightly .. she was getting more relaxed by resting more comfortably on the bed.. I made a move on her and gave her a kiss.. she first waved her head away but I went for her cheeks and started kissing her cheeks and neck.. she was getting more relaxed and never pushed me away.. I made a move for her boobs and brought it out and started sucking it and she started moaning and rubbing her hands on my head.. I moved my right hand down.. pull up her gown and made a move for her pussy.. I used the tip of my middle finger to shift her pant and dip my finger into her pussy.. she was already dripping wet and I continued sucking her nipples while rubbing her clitoris faster and started fingering her.. she increased her moaning...

I shifted up a bit to pull off my boxers but she stopped me.. she asked for a condom.. I told her I was not having any but I will make sure I won't realease my sperm into her.. she changed her mood and insisted that if at all we were going to have sex that she wouldn't do it without protection.. after much persuading she still refused . she got up and dressed.. after few minutes of talking with me she said she was ready to leave..

I walked her off .. she even refused to collect the money for bike from me.. she said she has enough change with her.. she got a bike and left.. I sent her a text on WhatsApp to ask if she's home.. I realized that my message only dilivered without being received because of the single mark sign.. I have been calling her but everytime the call goes through instantly it says number busy which is a sign of barring my line

Please nairalanders.. what could make a girl be acting like this

so you her to gave it to you simply because you had an erection

she did her part in protecting herself from

1 unwanted pregnancy

2 sexual transmitted diesease

if she had fallen pregnant were you ready atleast to look after the child ? or you were going to judge as slut ?