₦airaland Forum

joa2013:
In 2017, I yielded to call from different individuals including 3 of my former secondary school principals, several former teachers of the school, many of my seniors, classmates and juniors to form an old student association of our old school. I used WhatsApp and other social media platforms to galvanize several people and after about a year, the association was birthed in 2017 with over 200 old students as inaugural members. We have been meeting both physically and online since then. We have revived the old culture of prize giving day in the school and have embarked on and delivered 3 medium scale capital projects within a short period of 2 years. My experience at raising money for our projects have opened my eyes to the attitude of people when it comes to releasing their money for such ventures. Out of over 200 members, now close to 300, only about 30 contributed the money we have expended on our projects so far. The others will either give excuse or made promise that have not been fulfilled. Another angle to this is the attitude of some old students who are abroad especially in UK, US, Germany, Australia and Sweden. We have close to 30 old students abroad. Only two of them have given us money since inception. One sent $500, he actually asked his mother to go to the school and verify the projects before he sent the money. He asked for pictures, video recordings etc. The other one sent 100 thousand naira. This one was so glad to do it. Others have continued to give excuses and promises. When I saw this attitude, I created a dummy account on Facebook as a well to do old student who shuttles between UK, US, Canada and Nigeria. I sent friend request to all these guys abroad who haven't been contributing. I discreetly related with them over time and asked them why they haven't been contributing. I was shocked to hear from 11 of them that the guys at home will embezzle their money, and wouldn't want to contribute. They saw those of us at home as poor, hungry, dubious and reckless which I see as not true. Is it their individual experiences or their long stay abroad that have changed their thought line towards their childhood friends and even families? Many of us at home are also doing well in our own ways. We may not earn income in dollars but we are not hungry.
I almost became discouraged by this attitude but I have encouragements in some home based guys who are seriously interested in seeing the association blossom and impact our old school positively.

let me help you understand people living abroad

i am a zimbabwean, its not only nigerian thing but in all people living abroad havent been conned directly or knows one who has

1 most diaspora got burnt from trying to build their own homes back home, mothers, fathers,sister brother conned them either by inflatting prices or not even building the dream house so everyone know thinks twice in helping back home

2 most fake emails come from nigeria or nigerians (yahoo boy) can nigerian believe that this group back home is real in helping the former skol or these are former skol mates trying to con skol mates living abroad?

3 the west driving a nice car doesnt mean your doing well, here it can be the easy to use to go to work only, african mentality rich is based on driving a car, hence you find that wealth is judge due to driving a car or having few cars

4 clothes are cheap so when one post on facebook never repeating clothes you think he is rolling big

5 when they come they flash money like crazy, why simply becoz the exchange rate plays in their favour so a mcdonald double cheese burger is £1.60 and checked the internet £ to naira rate is 1 to 469 naira

so what sells for 747 naira is equall to a mcdonalds double cheese burger which generally nothing in terms of UK pricing

so the exchange plays a favour wheb these guys visits home

6 our families back can suck you dry, they becomes leechies they will find any possible reason to make you send money

so conclusion 1 diaspora people have been burnt one way or the other hence they now think twice to handout
2 nigerians yourselves your are known and you know each other when it comes scamming each other

3 pictures posted on facebook, instagram, twitter are always selected for reason

IkpuMmadu:
YOU CAN SEE THE DEMERITS OF INTER TRIBAL THING OUT WEIGHS THE METRITS

I DONE WANT TO TALK ABOUT DILUTING THE GENOME AND BRING IN FORIEGN DISEASE THAT IS FORIEGN TO A TRIBE


LETS FACE IT, CULTURALLY,ROMANTICALLY BIOLOGICALLY IT IS NOT ALWAYS RIGHT...BUT IF YOU HAVE STRAYED IN ANY WAY OUT OF YOUR TRIBE...PLEASE HONEY MAKE IT WORK DEAR

there is nothing wrong in being proud of your tribe and tradition

but this pure blood shit is rubbish, DNA knows no tribe

if you want pure blood then marry your cousin like pakistanis and indians and see what nature does to those kids


pure blood is self entitlement, to rule or look down on others

look deeper even with pure blood of the same tribe within the same tribe people are shun on each other based on social and economic status eg a king wont marry a woman from non noble family

look at the UK royal family, their are now moving with 21st century times and change 50 years ago Hurry would have not married a divorce and worse a black woman, are they maintaining the pure blood of old system ?

look at kings and queens of many years ago, they married other prince/ess from other nations it was more beneficial in trade, alliance in wars etc

they knew pure blood shit doesnt put food on the table, but hard working of a person outside the tribe pure bloold shit


colonisation played divide and concur while were busy fighting each they ruled us all, now we hate each other like cats and dogs and we pass on the hate on our kids, the hate and dislike of each other goes on for years after gaining self rule

we judge, vote and like someone based on tribe rather than one being a person and his qualification or good deeds

IkpuMmadu:
Also inter tribal marriages exposes pure blood to exotic diseases. This is simple biology

Are you even educated at all ?

open your belief much wider

yes some diesease are passes on through genes

most are virus etc that are passed on through contact which has nothing to do with tribe but location eg an igbo man and yoruba woman living in an region that is malaria infested both will have a sort of immune system that can fight malaria better than any igbo or yoruba who never lived in non malaria infested area

it goes beyond pure blood it is exposure to new dieseases that your are in different parts of the world or region iregardless of tribe

mosquito dont bite people becoz of tribe or pure blood, so does hiv

yes i agree some diesease are introduced via marrying into another family but that is not based on tribe only family lines that has nothing to do with tribe

like i asked "did the red indian got wiped out becoz of intermarrying europeans or it was just contact?"

IkpuMmadu:
I am a tribalist and I don't even have apology for that. I am not for blood mixing , I believe in purity of bloodlines

Even Bible discouraged the Israelites from marrying outside and Jesus came from pure line of David

purity in bloodlines is a self claim nothing wrong with if you believe in it, but if you look down the line of history it makes you weak as you dont pick other genies that make your survive other diseases, look at indians and pakistanies they marry 2nd cousins and they have lots of kids with disabilities simply becoz the genies of having a disability is being pass on generation to generation

dont use the bible/religion as bench mark to support your believes think outside the box not everyone believes in the bible/religion


purity of bloodline is one choice to marry within a certain choosen family/group/tribe nothing special about it from an outsider

IkpuMmadu:
Also inter tribal marriages exposes pure blood to exotic diseases. This is simple biology

Are you even educated at all ?

what is pure blood ?

you need to educate yourself many diesease can be passed on not by blood by just contact but that has never made someone blood not pure


the indigenous americans (red indians)were wiped out by europeans when they moved into america does it mean the they intermarried ? NO thats was just contact

do you know the difference between immunisation and vaccine ? get back to me when your know the difference

IkpuMmadu:
Inter tribal is a no no ...majority fail, those that don't fail end up having confused kids that can't either speak their native language or identify with their fathers tribe

They would say my mum is Igbo And my dad is Yoruba ..such a confusion

your mind is very shallow due to tribe blinkers

did you ever really got confused when you started learn english at primary skol ? look at you now you write in english but learning never stopped your from learning to write your tribal langauge neither did you stop your from speaking your langauge

being able to speak 3 langauges is a bonus, it exposes to you to many different mind set and culture makes it easier to appreciate other people culture and tradition

their nothing wrong to be proud with your own culture and tradition but looking down on intermarriage makes you no difference with white racist

Yide10:
U dont understand...I had to correct som1 abt dis same point. However, "d more we live, d more we learn", my experience in life has tot me many tinz.

And who tells u 100% of dos tinz can only com after u'v started dating? Frndship for fews days or weeks cud b enof for dos tinz. We only get attached "blindly". Read my last statement n see I understand d attraction part v.well.

Wudnt lik to continue dragin dis.

Ur opinion tho, I still stand wit mine.

what saying is this for you to consider dating a guy who has approached you, you sort of look for physicaly attraction this happens in few secs while he talks to from there thats when you either say no to his advance or as in what you said you ask him to be friends 1st

how can you date someone you are not attracted to unless its an arrange relationship?

Yide10:
Physical quality? As for me, that is the last tin to even consider.

I just want a man who is not opinionated, who is not selfish, who understand that marriage is about companionship, partnership, friendship and teamwork. A man who will not see me as "Slave" but a best friend, he sud be industrious as well and will be happy to see his wife progressing.

I bet, that kinda man is scarce in this society.

Physical attraction counts but he mustn't be the most handsome man in the world.

sorry to pop your bubble

the thread said PHYSICALY not the way you have decoded it

physicall aspect plays a good part his/her should make you want him/her sexually

when a guy approaches you (those who know from yo hood ) but a stranger your eyes look for physicall features thats attaracts you if you like those then you give him a chance to say whatever he can say eg asking for a number etc

what you discribed those come in after eg going for few dates or already dating (this what is called knowing the person) of which by then you would liked the guy/girl through physical looks unless if you are type of woman how only dates guy she grow up with of which you sort of know their character aka those things you mentiod

but in most people physcial attraction is the one which makes a guy approach a woman i guess its same for women, she would accept to talk to you becoz of your physically features she has liked, mind you being attracted physically takes few seconds

finally for men by the time a man approaches you he has already fuucked you many times in his brain aka that physicall attracted has made him imagine you and him in bed

Nigerian guys wont marry a woman with her own child but would fly thousand miles abroad to marry a granma

Ajengogo:
We have been married for almost 10 years now, with 5 kids. The last child is over 2 years old. My wife used to indulge me with sex a lot. And I enjoyed every bit of it. Sometimes I indulge her a lot too. I do sometimes resist it. Same with her too. Such has been our sex life so far; which has been good enough.

However, I started noticing a lot of reluctance in her each time I approach her for sex more than a year ago now. And it is getting worse these days. Each time I demand an explanation from her, she either complains of tiredness, headache or that she is seeing her period. The surprising thing to me now is that each time I touch her breast she cringes like a person that just stepped on naked electrical wire. Not to even mention several weird nightmares I experience each time I force my way, which even against my personal principles and ethics.

Note that I don't do sex like on a daily basis. Once or twice in a week is ok for me

Our sex life is dying. I don't know what becomes of this marriage without sex. And I do really love her. Any good suggestions will be appreciated

picture this to your wife

beetown:
So,i was coming from lectures today with a friend of mine when we came across an albino,as soon as my we got past him,my friend asked me if I knew that albinos don't die. I told him he was crazy,that everything dies but he gave me proof to support his hypothesis, he asked me I've ever attended the burial of an albino or even seen an obituary poster of them.... I searched my mind for a long time and then I realised that I had never seen it nor heard of the death of an albino. I just had to agree with my friend tho it still isn't enough proof for me

So my question to nairalanders is: have you seen a dead albino before?

i dont know whether to say you are dumb as your friend or smarter than him by 0.00005

well they die like anyone

1 you need to look into numbers how many your find in a 1000 count etc ratio like 3 in 10000 people

2 there number is very few therefore hearing or seenig one's funeral is very slim

3 i grow up in town which had a population of around 35000 and we had only one albino lady

delectablegyal:
he must marry her. why are you shagging her when you do not want to marry her? why are did you pour it inside when you do not intend to take her into marriage? you also have the option of a protection. you must marry her. irresponsible guys.

why sound as if the lady is a victim ?

ask the same questions to the lady


we are all responsible for our own actions

kazyhm:
You have a point though.......you can't be beating over you own money or you can't be beating for you own silliness or other people should mind their business allowing you to ruin your life and becomes other people's problems



I like the thought of African ways of helping other family members in need but .........most times why people cut you of is because you can't even manage your own issues

helping is ok whether african or not

a wiser elder be it your mom, daddy or brother etc should be invited 1st to help not to just jump in simply becoz he is your son or daughter

only jump in when you see that things are getting out of hand

kazyhm:
I did understand your point but do you think its possible for the mother in law to just turn a deaf ear...........its a case of you want to ruin my son's life in stupid debt.......


She shouldn't have reacted

yes she was meant to stay away untill

1 informed on a later day to what happened

2 walked away to give room to husband, wife and grocery lany

3 husband wnd wife were both wrong in communication and planning of th birthday

4 even wife had made poor decisions she knew either way the money was going to be covered through her salary which is 3 times her husband

5 mother in law was supposed to walk away the moment she heard that it was about money becoz she has no right ans idea how them two do run their financies whether the daughter made por decisions, she has no right to sit them down

6 her son is married he should left alone to try first what works for him & wife in solving problems without mom or daddy, therefore giving him snd wife time to makes mistakes, learn, solve and mature with time

7 you wont be surprised that mother in law dont even that her son earns three times less than her daughter in law, and she slapped her over a issue that she knew it would be mostly her money covering the debt

8 yes has poor managing money skills but she got slapped over aka largely her sweat working, for men imagine father in slapping you over own money simplly becoz you made some poor decisions would you fold your hands if slaps you ?

let me break it down

lets put aside how the wife was secretive about the birthday stuff thats a debate for another day

1 the mother in law was wrong to slap, the daughter in law

2 when the mother in law slap her, the daughter in law was already cornerd, emotions would be high slapping her was dedraging her in her own house, naturally she fought back. Never lay hands on anyone and ecpect them to fold the hands expect the worse and dont cry foul

3 those who dont see no wrong doing in MIL, dont see the bigger picture, how will the family of the wife, respect MIL ? its their daughter that got slapped

4 if it was reversed would it be ok for the father in law to hit the son in law in his house, worse in front of his wife ?

5 nomatter how old you are and how young is a couple, give them respect that you are given by peers of your age

6 the MIL was meant to either walk away and leave them sort themselves out, take her DIL away to findout what happened, by then the husband would have calmed down etc

7 its a family budget issue MIL had no right to be involved unless invinted to help,

8 some people think daughter in law was not supposed to hit back, i think from such scenario the level of reasoning would have been dropped becoz of being ganged up by husband and his mother

9 the same respect and non interference you to be given by your own in laws, its the same treatment you should give to your son/daughter in laws

abbey621:
Then what's your argument? My main argument is that basic necessity fulfilled by parents is more than adequate, anything extra is a privilege not a right and n law can enforce that. If you agree fine, if not then please stop wasting my time and have a good day!

you are the one who diverted it to basic and what so ever
my main point was parents make it as if it was a favour to look after you when it is what there are supposed to do, they emotionally blackmail as if it was someone's job to look after you

abbey621:
Look at the bold part of your comment, can you show me where in the laws of Nigeria that it states parents must provide 3 square meals for their children? Can you show me where it states that parents must send their children to universities? Go back and read my comments, you'll notice I keep mentioning basic necessities, this is what the law covers, whatever extra parents choose to do is not a right but a privilege, take it or leave it!

take of your blinkers

people being ignorant of the law it doesnt mean the law doesnt exist

i never mention any specif like 3 meals per day, most people and me said looking after them, there are your own products you look after them in the best way you can but at the same time maintaining basic human rights

having a child is like committing a crime, get caught and sent to serve your time

if you dont want to be sent to jail dont commit a crime

abbey621:
And I maintain my stance that any parent that gives the children the basic necessity is being responsible, if they can afford extra then fine but if not let no one judge them. Fine you don't owe your parents anything, feel free to abandon them and let them rot and die...Wetin concern me!

the moment a child is born the responsibility comes by default whether you like it not

as a parent its your responsibility to provide what is required by law at the same time you are responsible for yourself as parent children will help if you want help

not most african tradition whereby the moment your start working at eg 25 your father sort of let you take responsibility for the remaining 5 children 2 are in primary skol 2 in secondary and 1 in uni

at the same time there are asking when are you getting married ? you get married at 27 still you are responsible for your brothers and sister at 28 your parents are asking when are you having child, financially you are not ready as already you are taking care of 5 people before even your own child is born

my friend the moment we start really planning of kids poverty cycle can be broken

abbey621:
Again I'll disagree with you because you look at things at the macro instead of the micro. the average Nigerian parents do all their best to make sue their children are successful. They realize it is in their best interest if they give that child a fighting chance at succeeeding than standing by and doing nothing. This is why you have market women, meat sellers and so on, busting their butts off just so their children can feed, go to school and become great. If you say well it is their responsibility and they should expect nothing in return, I say that is BS! The same meat sellers and market women could have chosen to keep all their profits and spend it on the latest clothes, parties and so on. Furthermore you compare whites to Nigerians? If the poverty level in Nigeria swiched over to the white population they would collapse! Ordinary recession of 2006 to 2010, see as businesses collapsed and many people committed suicide. The whites are only able to set up ffunds for their kids because the resources and facilities are present. Even at that, those who set up funds or have resources left over after their deaths are less than 20% of the white population, especially in the U.S, majority of people are living paycheck to paycheck, do not be deceived!

disagree cool

i still maintain my stance its parents responsibility, thats what there are supposed to do, there is no two ways about it simple, if you dont want responsibililty then dont have kid

As people we dont learn we breed kids as source of income, we take them as investments

abbey621:
Perhaps you should heed your own advice and not rush. I never criticized a culture, I criticized the opening post and the supoorters who said, "YOU DON'T OWE YOUR PARENTS ANYTHING". We all have some type of responsibility towards our parents and family, as they do towards us. I never for once said children must abandon their career to take care of their parents, rather I said don't just abnadon them in a facility with strangers, there is nothing stopping a caring child from checking on his or her parents once every 2 months, there is nothing stopping them from hiring a live in caretaker. For goodness sake most of these parents in their old age qualify for retirement income and government benefits which takes care of 90% of their health and living costs, so it is not necessarily a financial burden. Like I said I've seen and heard about more elderly abuses than to ever risk my loved ones being treated so poorly.

i understood the guy grief on suing parents, law wont help him

but if you are exposed to asian culture of countries like india pakistan you would understand were he is coming from its culture thing that parents put in us to makes us believe that its priviledge to be sent to skol and look after by them whereas its not, its natures way and law

so parents they sell praise to say i sacrifice for you as if there was someone else beside them to look after you, the moment you sleep without a protection and child comes out 9 months later is it your responsibility the two of you, and with capitalism type of world we live in one has to work, to earn a living to able to feed kids etc and at the same time save for your retirement and if your can give your kids a boost to start life like setting up university funds for education or a grand to given if one reaches a certian age

black people we dont pass on our wealth usually it dies with parent if s/he was wealth, whites set up funds for their kids or gran kids

abbey621:
What are you saying? You don't know me or my parents! My father taveled yearly to Nigeria just to see his parents, he made sure there is a skilled nurse, driver and maids to cater to their needs, I know most Nigerians don't have the means but as a whole we can not hear that mama or papa is suffering in the village and just turn a blind eye. You do not just abandon them in one facility and rely on total strangers to care for them, even if it is cousins or aunties, they are still family. Like I said before unless you've personally witnessed the abuse these people go through, you would not understand. I'm not only looking at this from a humanitarian point of view but at the survival point of view. Use Google and research the amount of nursing home deaths in America due to negligence and abuse, I've always said this, family members would get tired of having to clean up(poop and urine) for elders, how much less would it then take a total stranger who is just in it for the paycheck?

now you are seeing the big picture boy

your parents travell to nigeria to see your granparents right meaning your parents didnt stop working to look after your parents thats was my point and still my point

you know very well that in west the system is totally different from africa, back home there is always a poor relative or someone who can help for nearly free, whereas here everyone wants to be paid for national wage and above

as africans we see it as wrong to send parents to nursing home, but like i explain before even back home, someone does the looking after for us the only difference is its either a poor relative living out of you or someone doing the favour but getting few benefits

but dont get me wrong am not against looking after the parents all am saying is to make you see both sides, most people who are in nursing homes its their money they worked for look after them when there are old meaning they prepared and planned for it they knew that their kids will be short changed if there were to pay care home, raise and plan for their own kids, built/buy house of their own etc

sometimes dont rush to criticise a culture you dont understand without taking time to understand how it started and ended up the way it is

if our systems in africa we good as the west and people living longer you would find that most family trapped in the same debate of sending to care homes or looking after them yourself

abbey621:
You're naive, how long have you lived abroad? How long have you worked in the healthcare system? You credit child bearing to planning but disregard planning when it comes to taking care of your elderly parents. The reason most abroad cannot take care of their parents is simple, Greed and lack of planning. There are many options, from hiring a live in nurse to flexible work arrangements. I worked in the healthcare system for years and the amount of abuse I've witnessed or heard about is just alarming! It seems like you and the rest of the critics here don't bother to read before commenting, if a parent provides the basic necessities and cuts out the excesses either out of financial implications or being frugal, is such a parent not fulfilling his responsibilities? The sacrifice is when they choose to go beyond that. When your parents raise you with the best rsources, yes they raise you with the intention that when you are successful you would remember them but majority of it is because they love you and want you to be successful, no parent would ever pray for their children to be nuisance to themselves or the society. If your parents can only afford to give you two square meals instead of three, can only afford to have you and your siblings share the same bedroom, feel free to KILL them!

its has nothing to do with lack of planning, take a long look back in africa your parents are not even directly taking care of their own parents yes the send the finance and food but look closely they always have a distance poor under age cousin living with them. look deep most of the time they would be in the village, there is always someone taking care of them while your parents are working in Lagos or should i say in town or city

abbey621:
I disagree wih your sentiments.The parents of today were kids of yeaterday and their parents the same, if man was never meant to procreate why do you have genitals and an active reproductive system? In terms of sacrifice, bringing a life into this world is a sacrifice in itself. The parents sacrifice their own life and dedicate everything from then on towards raising their child, this is not because they hope they become rich so they can leech but so that when they get old and weak, they won't have to rely on strangers for their well-being. They won't have to be helpless when their mind and body is no longer able to function properly. Look at the white men and their parents, most will put their parents in nursing homes where they die of loneliness, abuse and so on, if this is how parents are meant to be treated then count me out! You are right about one thing, parents could have chosen not to bring a child into the world, they could have chosen to abort or even abandon the new born baby on the street. We even have some parents that refuse to spend any extra money on their child, when you consider the amount of orphans we have in the country, you'll truly start to appreciate the sacrifice most responsible parents make. Yes it is their responsibility to take care of their child but who or what will enforce it? It is not a right for my child to eat 3 square meals per day, it is not a right for him or her to have his or her own bedroom, it is not a right for him or her to school beyond secondary school. It is not a right to buy new clothes and shoes and it is definitely not a right to give a damn about him or her after the age of 18 but as parents we do all these things becuase no sacrifice is too great for our loved ones!

dont think with your genitals, the world as changed very much if we take it from the bible point of few adam and eve started by picking food to eat then cursed to start to plough and hunt for food, the land was giving to them without hard work now these have changed, you cant even go hunting without tress passing into someone land and get arrested, to put food on the table you have to work and what you get from work can shape how many kids you might have, having kids needs planning

As for white people you dont understand the system, you know a bit, sending parents to care home has its bad side yes, let me break it down for you, if someone parents are not sent to nursing homes it means one has to look after them right therefore one has to quit work, work thats were your money come from to look after your own kids, so the question is should you give more attention to your parents, or focus on setting the best for your kids and your own future after you retire. Sending parents to care homes, give you time to work for your kids. Do you know why african sometimes we are poor we trapped by poverty cycle were, your parents think its your responsibility to look after them and you too you pass on that mindset to your kids therefore you dont save money that will look after you when you get old, so every child would start life in (-1000USD) he inherited the debt from the father pass it to you and you pass it to your kids

Bringing a child into this world is not a sacrifice NO its a choice, if your dont want to be responsible then dont have kids, a SACRIFICE is something your are forced to do out of way or plan, were you forced to have sex without proctection or it was just ignorance not to think through, what laws require you to do once the child is born

Originalsly:
I thought you said you love her so much that you made up your mind to marry her. Why should you be even worry about her not giving you gifts? Just focus on marrying her and stop thinking rubbish... ....her not loving you but loving your cash and gifts ....after all...you are not the first nor will be the last mumu.

he is right to be worried based on what he has observed, the girl never gives meaning she doesnt appreciate doing something with little she gets

love is a two way and you learn from your partner all the girl knows is to recieve

marvel2011:
How terrible is a wife who demands permission before a man could help his family members. A mother who toiled and gave birth to your husband can not get common bag of rice without seeking a permission or telling you about it. Why need unnecessary permission for his own family?

its respecting each other, and being a bit open

by nature his father should look after his mum/family, those who havent stood up on their own

the moment you marry your priority is your wife and kids but if you have been open to each other on how hard are things from your respective families, you must come with a plan in helping either families not by sneaking behind each other's back becoz it create mistrust


but by understanding each families struggle and finding a way how you can help without compromising your family budget needs and wants

both family might feel that you took away a helper his family claim his salary has his and your family as the wife claim the same on salary in that situation either in-law take you as an enemy who is controlling or taking the money they used to get

so seeking permission is also a way of asking your wife or husband if there are any other plans s/he has before you send the money to help

eg husband has 1000 and wife knows, hubby want send 500 to his parents, hubby has to ask wife if its ok to send the 500 becoz wife might have other plans

if you are married you longer have that mind set if thinking and making decision get your wife/husband involved whether s/he will disagree or not it doesnt matter

OneSentence:
so u mean to say that man and woman are equal? I can never be with any woman who believes or thinks like this...men and women have defined roles in society and man should certainly be seen as the head. Anyway for the sake of peace I believe that everyone should simply go for the type of man or woman you want.

i think you miss understood, the problem is women took equal rights into their homes, instead of having equal rights at work aka being paid same salary if going the same job as man

or being allowed high role positions based on achievement and leading skills, than being sidelined based on gender

the problem comes when she tries to muscle working rights into her marriage

as humans men and women are equal, but then the confusion comes in when roles based on human civilasation development are changelled

let me break it down, if you read many books even poor people without land, had no rights to even vote, the land owners had the right to vote then eventually all men above 21 were allowed to vote

woman had to rights to vote at all nor did they had rights to inhert from her own father, the role of the woman was to produce kids and look after the kids

it took years for woman to have rights to vote and accept a woman to inhert (this is from western world) about 24 years ago there was the famous beijing world cobference on woman women fighting for more equal oppotunities and ever since the western world has adapted many changes to voiced equal rights by women

then for africa we are playing check up, and we mix equal rights and gender role, gender roles are defined by beliefs, they can be religion or tradition/culture

so do you classify being equal ? based on gender role defined by what i mentioned above or take a woman as equally as you by being a himan like you nothing more or less

am sure because of mistakes of the past many parents are teaching their daughters to be self suffiecent and not to depend on on man fully becoz you never know tomorrow, therefore gender roles have been adopted to current times, its doesnt mean she wont need a man in her life, she would as husband, friend, companion and the father to her kids

as much as the men is said to be the head of the house its mean he runs every decision NO

OneSentence:
so u mean to say that man and woman are equal? I can never be with any woman who believes or thinks like this...men and women have defined roles in society and man should certainly be seen as the head. Anyway for the sake of peace I believe that everyone should simply go for the type of man or woman you want.

i think you miss understood, the problem is women took equal rights into their homes, instead of having equal rights at work aka being paid same salary if going the same job as man

or being allowed high role positions based on achievement and leading skills, than being sidelined based on gender

the problem comes when she tries to muscle working rights into her marriage

as humans men and women are equal, but then the confusion comes in when roles based on human civilasation development are changelled

let me break it down, if you read many books even poor people without land, had no rights to even vote, the land owners had the right to vote then eventually all men above 21 were allowed to vote

woman had to rights to vote at all nor did they had rights to inhert from her own father, the role of the woman was to produce kids and look after the kids

it took years for woman to have rights to vote and accept a woman to inhert (this is from western world) about 24 years ago there was the famous beijing world cobference on woman women fighting for more equal oppotunities and ever since the western world has adapted many changes to voiced equal rights by women

then for africa we are playing check up, and we mix equal rights and gender role, gender roles are defined by beliefs, they can be religion or tradition/culture

so do you classify being equal ? based on gender role defined by what i mentioned above or take a woman as equally as you by being a himan like you nothing more or less

Erums:
Hello guys,

I'm going to be brief,

Im starting to receive pressure from family to get married, mind you im just 27 and i have a job, payment is average if compared to the nigeria economy monthly basis if i work pretty hard 200k upward. It's not really abt the money but my family feels I'm all prepared to be married as at now. Thou I have the intention of traveling to the west and starting a life, what I'm gonna do there I don't know yet, thus I'm still keeping a low profile on that not letting family know.

I just need candid advise from matured minds.

Is it not too early to marry?

Can 200k sustain a family pretty well?

. I don't want my family lacking, atleast my wife and my kids should be able to get thier demands averagely met.

I need experience people to guide me out here. Thanks

well you know yourself inside that you are not ready financially therefore mentally, you are not becoz you have told yourself aready that finnancially that you are not

there is nothing wrong with your current decision atleast you seeing your life from future point view that those who want you to married now as if they will help you to look after your wife and kids

what you need to is to explain to your parents, your current plans for now which is reasons why you dont want to marry this early

they might agree or not but you would communicated direct and would much easier to explain your than those who keep on saying next year

marriage is not about pleasing parents, when things are tough they wont chip all they would say is be a man

the same people who used to asked why are not married they would dissapear when tbings are tough

Risingphoenix12:
Speaking from experience. (divorcee)

My opinion on some causes of marital failures:

1) Lack of preparation. A successful marriage takes a lot of hard work, commitment and resolution. Its more much than hormones and fuzzy feelings. Expectations are not well managed before the union is sealed. Its also much more than what the other person says but what he/she does.

2) Poor foundation - Like tedpgrass mentioned.. mental and morality connect are both key... but also.. the rate of evolution of both parties must be matched. You can start out on the same level but if one advances mentally/morally than the other... then there's a disequilibrium and potential for issues.

3) Compatibility- an offshoot of (2) above... from seemingly innocuous things as eating habits to deeper things like spirituality etc... A successful marriage is meant to be a marathon.. not a sprint.. so think far into 6 decades.. Can you live with this for that long? and is it something you'll be OK with for that long?

4) Lack of selflessness- As time goes on, there is a tendency to want to focus on what's best for you (as an individual) instead of what's best for you as a couple. One must seek the other's development and wellbeing and vice versa... If efforts and considerations are equally matched, it helps forge the bond of the union... unfortunately, if one-sided... doom lurks.

I'm sure there are many more... just wanted to share a few i could think of.

good points

remember MARRIAGE IS THE ONLY THING THAT GIVE YOU A CERTIFICATE BEFORE STUDY AND PASS THE EXAM

Lightangel65:
She told you about her past means she trusts you, don't break her heart.
If you really love her, her past won't matter,
Love overcomes all

yes she him the truth

but the truth has pyschological effect on the guy, remember she is still friends with those guys so imagine she goes out and just hang around with one, the moment he know his brains go haywire

its the thought of that it might happen again, she must distance herself from those guys especially after telling her man about the sexual encounters with 7 of them

Airforce01:
We still at grandma's place enjoying the village life .

If your girl friend ain't proud of your people talkless of going to the village with you to spend quality time with them, Please dump her .

I'm a lucky bad boy .

Lagos soon.

the phrase Baby Mama is a deregatory way of ID the mother of child/s who you nolonger in relationship with hence the phrase BABY MAMA DRAMA

if you really deep in text you will understand were he coming from

african and asian culture, makes it as if you owe your parents to be born

they curse at you as if you were asked to be born against their will

african and asian culture parents talk to you as if they did you a favour to raise you whereas you are a product of their love making

they make it as if it was priviledge to feed you and send you to skol but its not, even animals in the wild take care of their young ones without being asked its natural, sending a child to skol is government requirement (law) in nearly every country in the world

but some parents sound as if you forced them to send you to skol they make it as if they had other plans on the money they used to send to skol but per laws its their responsibility and no one else


there is nothing wrong to look after parents, but parents we shouldnt sound as if it was someone's responsiblity when you are the biological parents


there is nothing like i sacrificed for you, aslong your are the bioligical parents it is your responsibility, you can not sacrifice on something you are meant to do anyway

the only people who are allowed to use word sacrifice are those who are looking after someone's kids