Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / NewStats: 3,194,368 members, 7,954,493 topics. Date: Friday, 20 September 2024 at 08:22 PM |
Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / Ten Ways To Marry The Wrong Person (14730 Views)
Ten Ways Guys Frustrate The Life Of Virgin Girls..... / 10 Ways To Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person / Why Do Nigerians Prefer To Marry The Rich? (2) (3) (4)
Ten Ways To Marry The Wrong Person by warripekin(m): 3:42pm On Nov 06, 2012 |
With the divorce rate over 50%, too many are apparently making a serious mistake in deciding whom to spend the rest of their life with. To avoid becoming a "statistic," try to internalize 10 insights. 1. You pick the wrong person because you expect him/her to change after you're married. The classic mistake! NEVER MARRY POTENTIAL!! The Golden Rule is, if you can't be happy with the person the way he or she is now, don't get married. As a colleague of mine so wisely put it, "You actually can expect people to change after their married...for the worst!" So when it comes to the other person's spirituality, character, personal hygiene, communication skills, and personal habits, make sure you can live with these as they are now. 2. You pick the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than on character. Chemistry ignites the fire, but good character keeps it burning. Beware of the "I'm in love" syndrome. "I'm in love" often means, "I'm in lust." Attraction is there, but have you carefully checked out this person's character? Here are four characteristics to definitely check for: Humility: Does this person believe that "doing the right thing" is more important than personal comfort? Kindness: Does this person enjoy giving pleasure to other people? How does s/he treat people s/he doesn't have to be nice to? Does s/he do volunteer work? Give to charity? Responsibility: Can I depend on this person to do what s/he says s/he's going to do? Happiness: Does this person like her/himself? Does s/he enjoy life? Is s/he emotionally stable? Ask yourself: Do I want to be more like this person? Do I want to have a child with this person? Would I like my child to turn out like him or her? 3. You choose the wrong person because you do not share a common life goal and priorities. There are three basic ways we connect with another person: a) Chemistry and compatibility, b) share common interests, c) share common life goal. Make sure you share a deeper level of connection that sharing life goals provide. After marriage, the two of you will either grow together or grow apart. To avoid growing apart, you must figure out what you're living for while you are single-and then find someone who has come to the same conclusion as you. This is the true definition of a soul mate. A soul mate is a goal mate....two people who ultimately share the same understanding of life's purpose and therefore share the same priorities, values and goals. 4. You pick the wrong person because you do not have deeper emotional connection. To evaluate whether you have a deeper emotional connection or not, ask: "Do I respect and admire this person?" This does not mean, "Am I impressed by this person?" We are impressed by a Mercedes. We do not respect someone because they own a Mercedes. Yes, you should be impressed by qualities of creativity, loyalty, determination, etc but do you actually respect and admire this person who possesses these qualities? Also ask: "Do I trust this person?" This also means, "Is he/she emotionally stable? Do I feel I can rely on him/her? 5. You pick the wrong person because you choose someone with whom you don't feel emotionally safe. Ask yourself the following questions: Do I feel calm, peaceful and relaxed with this person? Can I fully be myself and express myself with this person? Does this person make me feel good about myself? Do you have a really close friend who does make you feel this way? Make sure the person you marry makes you feel the same way! Are you afraid of this person in any way? You should not feel you need to monitor what you say because you are afraid of how the other person will view it. If you're afraid to express your feelings and opinions openly, there's a problem with the relationship. Another aspect of feeling safe is that you don't feel the other person is trying to control you. Controlling behaviors are a sign of an abusive person. Be on the look out for someone who is always trying to change you. There is a big difference between "controlling" and "making suggestions." A suggestion is made for your benefit; a control statement is made for their benefit. 6. You pick the wrong person because you don't put everything on the table. Anything that bothers you about the relationship must be brought up for discussion. Bringing up the uncomfortable stuff is the only way to evaluate how well the two of you communicate, negotiate, and work together. Over the course of a lifetime, difficulties will inevitably arise. You need to know now, before making a commitment: Can you resolve your differences and find compromises that work for both of you? Never be afraid to let the person know what bothers you. This is also a way for you to test how vulnerable you can be with this person. If you can't be vulnerable, you can't be intimate. The two go hand in hand. 7. You pick the wrong person because you use the relationship to escape from personal problems and unhappiness. If you are unhappy and single, you'll probably be unhappy and married, too. Marriage does not fix personal, psychological and emotional problems. If anything, marriage will exacerbate them. If you are not happy with yourself and your life, take responsibility to fix it now while you are single. You'll feel better and your future spouse will thank you. 8. You choose the wrong person because you get involved sexually too quickly. This can be a big problem because it often precludes a fully honest exploration of important issues. Sexual involvement tends to cloud one's mind. And a clouded mind is not inclined to make good decisions. It is not necessary to "test drive" in order to find out if a couple are sexually compatible. If you do your homework and make sure you are intellectually and emotionally compatible, you don't have to worry about sexual compatibility. Of all the studies on divorce, sexual incompatibility is never cited as a main reason why people divorce. 9. You pick the wrong person because the man doesn't understand what a woman needs most. Men and women have unique emotional needs and more often than not, it is the man who just doesn't get it. Tradition places the onus on the man to understand the emotional needs of the woman and to satisfy them. The unique need of a woman is to be loved, to feel that she is the most important person in her husband's life. The husband needs to give her consistent, quality attention. This is most apparent in the approach to sexual intimacy. Tradition obligates the husband to meet the sexual needs of his wife. Sexual intimacy is always on the woman's terms. Men are goal oriented especially when it comes to this area. As a wise woman once pointed out, "Men have two speeds: on and off." Women are experience oriented. When a man is able to switch gears and become more experience-oriented, he will discover what makes his wife very happy. When the man forgets about his own needs and focuses on giving his wife pleasure, amazing things will happen. 10. You pick the wrong person because he/she is involved in a triangle. To be "triangulated" means a person is emotionally dependent on someone or something else while trying to develop another relationship. A person who hasn't separated from his or her parents is classic example of triangulation. People can also be triangulated with things as well, such as work, drugs, Internet, hobbies, sports or money. Be careful that you and your partner are free of triangles. The person caught in a triangle cannot be fully emotionally available to you. You'll not be their number one priority. And that's not basis for a marriage. http://deaniekramer.com/inspiration_tenwaystomarryphp.php AS YOU CHOOSE YOUR LIFE PARTNER, MAY God guide you, Amen. 16 Likes |
Re: Ten Ways To Marry The Wrong Person by Nobody: 3:56pm On Nov 06, 2012 |
No. 5 : A must read for all No. 9: A must read for Ladies No. 10: for all Nairalanders* People can also be triangulated with things as well, such as work, drugs, Internet, hobbies, sports or money. Be careful that you and your partner are free of triangles. The person caught in a triangle cannot be fully emotionally available to you. |
Re: Ten Ways To Marry The Wrong Person by nikkyshyne(f): 4:00pm On Nov 06, 2012 |
warripekin:[size=16pt]AMEN[/size] |
Re: Ten Ways To Marry The Wrong Person by UjSizzle(f): 4:03pm On Nov 06, 2012 |
After many centuries the Jews haven't lost their wisdom. |
Re: Ten Ways To Marry The Wrong Person by Nobody: 4:04pm On Nov 06, 2012 |
nikkyshyne:Watch & Pray An Amen without watching (10 aformentioned points) is invalid.. |
Re: Ten Ways To Marry The Wrong Person by UjSizzle(f): 4:12pm On Nov 06, 2012 |
When Acidosis turn pastor |
Re: Ten Ways To Marry The Wrong Person by Nobody: 4:19pm On Nov 06, 2012 |
uj_sizzle: When Acidosis turn pastor2010.. How have you been? |
Re: Ten Ways To Marry The Wrong Person by UjSizzle(f): 4:21pm On Nov 06, 2012 |
acidosis™: been good. You? |
Re: Ten Ways To Marry The Wrong Person by Nobody: 4:30pm On Nov 06, 2012 |
uj_sizzle:same here.. how far with the tips up there na?? shey u don bookmark this page sha for cross-referencing |
Re: Ten Ways To Marry The Wrong Person by 190theclown: 4:34pm On Nov 06, 2012 |
acidosis™: |
Re: Ten Ways To Marry The Wrong Person by UjSizzle(f): 4:36pm On Nov 06, 2012 |
acidosis™:lol are u married yet? Maybe i could practice on ya |
Re: Ten Ways To Marry The Wrong Person by greall1: 5:06pm On Nov 06, 2012 |
Unmm God know more better |
Re: Ten Ways To Marry The Wrong Person by acidtalk: 5:13pm On Nov 06, 2012 |
Your Top 5 Priorities Before Choosing A Husband/Wife https://www.nairaland.com/956441/top-5-priorities-before-selecting Reasons Why Some Women Will Never Get Married https://www.nairaland.com/1030228/reasons-why-some-women-never Traits You Must Look Out For Before Saying "I DO" To Avoid Divorce https://www.nairaland.com/920398/traits-must-look-out-before How Can One Identify A Pretending Partner https://www.nairaland.com/920588/how-one-identify-pretending-partner The World Will Be A Better Place If All Men Were Like This https://www.nairaland.com/924244/world-better-place-all-men A Guy Accommodating A Female Stranger For 3 Months. Good or Bad https://www.nairaland.com/908314/it-acceptable-guy-accomodate-female Who Gives Bigger Problems? The Husband's Mum or Wives Mum https://www.nairaland.com/906696/gives-bigger-problems-husbands-mother Guys What Part Of Your House Impresses Your Ladies The Most https://www.nairaland.com/954266/guys-what-part-house-impresses Is It Wrong To Chat On Your Phone While On A Date https://www.nairaland.com/904979/isnt-it-wrong-chat-phone Experience And Definition Of A True Friend https://www.nairaland.com/1018957/experience-definition-true-friend Advice For Every Lady In Her Early 20s https://www.nairaland.com/1086018/advice-every-lady-early-20s Do People Still Use Love Charm For Their Partners https://www.nairaland.com/917121/people-still-use-love-charm Why Ladies Prefer To Date Married Men Than Single Guys https://www.nairaland.com/1067543/why-ladies-prefer-date-married Reasons Why Guys Avoid Commitment https://www.nairaland.com/1067230/reasons-why-guys-avoid-commitment Reasons Why Years Of Courtship Never Lead To Marriage https://www.nairaland.com/1043763/reasons-why-years-courtship-never Which Will You Choose? https://www.nairaland.com/1049929/ladies-gentlemen-which-choose Ladies Will You Marry A Man Who Earns Less Than You https://www.nairaland.com/1045291/ladies-date-marry-man-earns Can A Man Still Get Loved Even If He Doesn't Spend https://www.nairaland.com/996767/man-still-get-loved-even Your Prefered Status : Single Or Married https://www.nairaland.com/1032879/prefered-status-single-married Why Are Nigerian Guys Intimated By A Lady With A Car https://www.nairaland.com/993859/why-nigerian-guys-intimidated-lady Must A Guy Pay A Ladies Transport Fare When She Visits https://www.nairaland.com/1005112/must-guy-pay-ladys-transport Guys Is Your Girl Frugal Or Spen Thrift https://www.nairaland.com/954686/guys-whats-financial-education-girl Please Teach Us How To Be More Romantic https://www.nairaland.com/970951/please-teach-us-how-more God Purnishes People With Bad Partners https://www.nairaland.com/1011005/god-punishes-people-bad-partners He Wants To Build His House Before He Buys His Car. Ladies Can You Date Such A Man https://www.nairaland.com/955422/he-wants-build-house-before Suffering For The Sins Of Your Parents https://www.nairaland.com/965469/suffering-sins-parents How Can I Bond With A Partner I Barely Know https://www.nairaland.com/1005718/how-bond-partner-barely-know 2 Likes |
Re: Ten Ways To Marry The Wrong Person by Nobody: 5:15pm On Nov 06, 2012 |
Am of the School of thought that Following Ya Emotion Other than ya Heart would Certainly Lead u to Big time Doom. Little Wonder u'll hear some say 'Why Did i Even marry him in the first place? We don't share anything in Common?, I Hate the Color of ma Car, how would i eva pay the Bill? EMOTIONS Driven Decisions! Learning to Follow Our Heart is More like Learning to Hearken to the Voice of the Holyspirit! Am Outta Here |
Re: Ten Ways To Marry The Wrong Person by africanrapper: 5:15pm On Nov 06, 2012 |
very nice points. Every single person ought to take these points seriously. #utchay# |
Re: Ten Ways To Marry The Wrong Person by Nobody: 5:17pm On Nov 06, 2012 |
WATS WITH THE MARRIAGE/ RELATIONSHIP TOPICS THESE DAYS. & IT AINT EVEN VALENTINE'S DAY |
Re: Ten Ways To Marry The Wrong Person by joanana(f): 5:23pm On Nov 06, 2012 |
Babzilla: WATS WITH THE MARRIAGE/ RELATIONSHIP TOPICS THESE DAYS. & IT AINT EVEN VALENTINE'S DAY why are you complaining? Even if its "Valentine's Day" it doesn't make any difference. You never know whose life this topic will change or maybe stop someone from making the greatest mistake he/ she has to live with for the rest of her life. |
Re: Ten Ways To Marry The Wrong Person by joanana(f): 5:23pm On Nov 06, 2012 |
Babzilla: WATS WITH THE MARRIAGE/ RELATIONSHIP TOPICS THESE DAYS. & IT AINT EVEN VALENTINE'S DAY why are you complaining? Even if its "Valentine's Day" it doesn't make any difference. You never know whose life this topic will change or maybe stop someone from making the greatest mistake he/ she has to live with for the rest of her life. If u dont like it move to the next section |
Re: Ten Ways To Marry The Wrong Person by lolaluv1(f): 5:23pm On Nov 06, 2012 |
Gòod points! |
Re: Ten Ways To Marry The Wrong Person by Mynd44: 5:29pm On Nov 06, 2012 |
Source please |
Re: Ten Ways To Marry The Wrong Person by Les: 5:32pm On Nov 06, 2012 |
Page seriously bookmarked, not even for reference but to read it later. I couldn't get d meaning by just reading d headlines- cosAmNotDemotionalType. Op, next time, try breaking it down for ppl like me! |
Re: Ten Ways To Marry The Wrong Person by God2man(m): 5:35pm On Nov 06, 2012 |
warripekin: With the divorce rate over 50%, too many are apparently making a serious mistake in deciding whom to spend the rest of their life with. To avoid becoming a "statistic," try to internalize 10 insights. |
Re: Ten Ways To Marry The Wrong Person by Les: 5:38pm On Nov 06, 2012 |
Mynd_44: Source pleasethough d source's there but like seriously, you dont need it cos anybody can give any advice anytime. So if i were you, any advice about life partner of all tins you get, put them together, choose those dat suits u and ponder on them for a better future- i don't even think you need my own advice cos i think you ARE YOU MARRIED? 1 Like |
Re: Ten Ways To Marry The Wrong Person by Les: 5:41pm On Nov 06, 2012 |
[quote author=God2man][/quote] i couldn't read d post cos e long, u still de quote am again. Nawao, bros e no bam o. |
Re: Ten Ways To Marry The Wrong Person by Nobody: 5:46pm On Nov 06, 2012 |
Les: Page seriously bookmarked, not even for reference but to read it later. I couldn't get d meaning by just reading d headlines- cosAmNotDemotionalType. Op, next time, try breaking it down for ppl like me! If u have probs with ambiguity, then u certainly need a Psychic! Oops! Are u reading tis from a Cafe. . .5Mins Left? 1 Like |
Re: Ten Ways To Marry The Wrong Person by UjSizzle(f): 5:47pm On Nov 06, 2012 |
Babzilla: WATS WITH THE MARRIAGE/ RELATIONSHIP TOPICS THESE DAYS. & IT AINT EVEN VALENTINE'S DAYyou get married only on valentine's day? |
Re: Ten Ways To Marry The Wrong Person by Nobody: 5:52pm On Nov 06, 2012 |
uj_sizzle:the door is open.. but no going back (on entry) |
Re: Ten Ways To Marry The Wrong Person by UjSizzle(f): 5:53pm On Nov 06, 2012 |
acidosis™: now that's scary |
Re: Ten Ways To Marry The Wrong Person by Damitism: 5:54pm On Nov 06, 2012 |
Mynd_44: Source pleaseyou need glass. I mean a very big diverging lens. |
My Ordeal Wth -sinaj The Port Harcourt Fine Gal / Nigerian Lady Caught Another Girl Sleeping With Her Fiance & This Happened (Pix) / Busty White And Asian Women Of Instagram!!! (2021 Edition)
(Go Up)
Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 80 |