Toks2008:


Must she follow you to your church?

There is nothing like red flag. Let her have her way.

Mubbyleey:
Shout out to you guys... You guys really made 2020 fantastic for me. Some of you here can be pain in the ass at times but i couldn't help it following you guys because of the values you guys give out daily here on nairaland, through your comments.

Keep being you!!! These are the realest people on Nairaland... I learn daily from you guys & y'all always put smile on my face everytime i log on.

Romanoff, MJBOLT, naptu2, purples25, LadyTianna, Marvieduke, adg98, sweetmelanin, 9jatriot, Rosskivvy, thebosstrevor1, NGpatriot, Bonjovi13, Chiquitq, BitterSoul, makanma, TecM0, crackhaus, Oizee, lilyheaven, Psych412, dederocs, Navar, Magnoliaa, JoeEeL, obowunmi, LordKO, TheRedpillguy, emmaodet, Dpsychologist, GLYCOLYSISS, Yoighaman, Priscyized, layla129, blinking001, ibkonekt, Randy100, Fisher007, HolyCaligula(m), Regex, Drfinn, hfinest1, PerfectMatchNG, Pascopele, Leezah, donstan18, MrBrownJay1, acidtalk, LabuleofNigeria, Wolgrace, eezeribe, Newboss, nuggarito, Shugavee, Biglittlelois, swaggzo, Oluromantic, czarr, Zabiboy, WORDWORLD, purpinkx, Blackmoran, AussiePlayboy, Explorers, CaveAdullam, Factfinder1, ekaF, pansophist, bodybuilder, crackkhaus, bukatyne, 24kmagic, izzou, Fuadeiza, Omar09, BossDante, NwaAmaikpe, JONNYSPUTE, ColonelEmeka, TonyeBarcanista, SmellingAnus, Martinez79, Martinez39, ikp120, FROGMAN10, NiRfreak, deebrain, ThierryJay, Belafonte,, ubunja, Quinolone, Donshaga, Mynd44, tosyne2much, lalasticlala, Toks2008, olaboy33, Mzflexydeeva, Seun, CharlesNneji1

lecturer50:
Please house I need an advice.

Ever since I got a federal government job,

my relatives have been disturbing me for money.

There must always be an issue that involves money which they want me to solve.

Recently, my mom become sick.

They are threatening me that I would be held responsible if my mom dies,if I don't make sure she is cured.

But I have taken her to hospitals, and she is trying to recover.

I do this whenever I visit home since I am working in a state far from home.

Her health challenge is due to old age.

But today my uncle called me that I should resign, get back to the village and personally take care of my mom,

failure of which,if she dies, the whole family would hold me responsible for choosing job over my mom.

Can you imagine resigning your federal job to get to the village and start staying?

The calls, the demands, the attacks are getting too much for me.

Please should I just switch off my phone so that no one can contact me?

I just need advice?

PERVENCHE:
*NOTE
With all due respect, I have changed names and some too familiar details about myself out of respect for my wife to be. I know she likes to catch cruise on nairaland.

My name is Friday (of course not my real name) I am from the middle-belt. So please save your tribalism with all those una Igbo, Yoruba and Hausa insults. I met Grace(my wife to be) few years ago. It was love at 1st sight. She was everything and is still everything I had hoped a woman should be. There is this crass about her that makes her effortlessly better than any lady around her. My type in the true sense of the word. Tall, busty, curvy, sassy, elegant, personable and above all, she has a graceful soul. From the 1st date to this day, I still pinch my self like.. What in God's green earth is a beauty like her doing with a shrek like me.

But then, true perfection is always a utopia. Grace in all her graceful demeanour and aura, has a flaw; Indecision! More so, blind trust seems to be her albatross. (I swear she can even take Lai Muhammad's word to the bank) Though, I still love her; flaws and all. Her complete or should I say blind trust for me and Abigail became one of the reasons Abigail(her younger sister) has become an unending chapter in our relationship. Even though the blame of what happened squarely falls on me.

Abigail just shy off 20, is too savvy for her age. Not the outright outstanding beauty like my Grace. What ever little she lacks in beauty, she more than makes up for it in her mentality. For she is truly a smart and an intelligent girl. Just five years younger than Grace. One who expect them at least to be close and be like Asaba and Onisha but then...they are the direct opposite of each other. While Grace is the introverted shy person, Abigail is quite the extrovert and likes to make friends for Africa. It is only fair to believe their formative time in secondary school played a part in their output towards life. Grace likes to conform like most day school students. Abigail on the other hand, is the boarding school nightmare all parents hope not to experience: the deviant.

Through the 1st years we dated, Abigail was in secondary school and was never in the picture. For some odd or strange reason, Grace was not ready to fully commit. Not that I blame her or something. At 23, Most girls her age are like Alice in wonderland; they crush on celebrities and Chase childhood dreams and fantasies. The vile ones, if truth be told...tend to live out their hoė phase. At 28, I was already grounded to know what I wanted and it was Grace and marriage. Sometimes, you do all you can do but then life has a way of throwing in a curveball. More over, "No be say because I wan chop egg I go begin dey worship chicken." Sensing her shakara, I pulled the hand brakes on us and walked out of the relationship.

***2 years later***
Fortunately or unfortunately after letting go, Grace became incensed and started to want me back. I hardly do any social media at this point. Pride won't let her call me, so there was no way to send coded messages on whatsapp status to me. Being the introvert that she is and the all trusting graceful Grace, she started to send Abigil over to my place to bridge the gap. In just over two years, Abigail had changed and developed into a sexy hippie bohemian. Not that I fancy her in any erotic way or something. It's just that in our contemporary naija society where mostly everyone conforms, it is hard not to notice a bohemian.

Knowing I would do no better than Grace even with a million dollars and in a hundred years of searching, I mended fences with Grace and our relationship became stronger than ever. Over time, Abigail became a bridge between us. At first, Grace would send her over to run errands for her. After a while, it became a second nature for her to come over and fidget with my electronics. Courtesy demands you be nice to your in-laws to be and so I was nice to Abigail.

Abigail's posturing over time made it difficult for me to say no to her especially during them Nengi and Laycon days in the house. She was a fan of big brother lockdown. And would always ask for my keys to watch the silly show for she was equally as silly to be gushing over that vanity fair. Grace seems not have any issues with her coming over and I also did not for I was hardly home and God knows the sub was kinda wasting away.

There are some things in life that are not planned. They just happen! My boss at work then tested positive for Covid and we were all asked to quarantine at home. Grace still had to go to work while Abigail was always free because of the ASSU strike. Suddenly, I started to be alone with Abigail. She would come over "for big brother" around 9am and leave around 7pm in time to beat her curfew at home. It was awkward staying all day with Abigail. Grace too predictable, only comes over on Sunday. For some strange reasons, on Sundays, Abigail will never show up.

There were times, and I am sure it could just be my imagination, that she enjoyed teasing me. She would come dressed like a sister Mary Amaka from home but after a while, she would take her bath and transform into a Kardashian. Wearing skimpy cloths and heavy make-up. I tried to give her her space. I was in quarantine and therefore, had practically no where to go. I am basically the type that don't flock with co-workers and I hardly keep any friends except for Grace. I am not one to be neighbourly with my neighbours so I was stuck with Abigail all day. Humans are social animals and we tend to gravitate towards each other especially when we are alone with someone. Gradually, she won me over and I started to watch the big brother show with her. While she was rooting for Nengi after her Erica left, I was simply for Neo for he had my height. And the bond between us grew. God knows I had no vile motives and evil intentions. It is hard not to enjoy Abigail's company for she is a smart, gleeful and witty girl. While I do all the talking with Grace, Abigail on the other hand does all the talking with me and it was a welcome change.

*** D Day ***
It became obvious Abigail was not telling the truth at home. She would pick their calls and tell them she was in her female friend's house. And in the spirit of our new found big brother bond. We kept the secret. On this faithful day, it had rained all day and Nepa had struck and the plug in my generator was no good. The rain had brought with it a cool breeze and some magical thunder. Seemingly, we could not watch our show so I took a blanket because of the cold and buried my attention on my PC (laptop) re-watching season 5 of the game of thrones.

Naively, Abigail joined me and entered the blanket with me. I use the word 'naive' because I honestly do not want to qualify her as a minx. And I know she does not see me as a Justine Bieber of a crystal ball for her to be drooling at. While in that warm blanket watching the movies in such compromising position, One thing led to another and alot of that one thing opened up her Pandora's box and I... I ate the most forbidden fruit there ever was. There is no telling how wonderful making love to her was at the heat of the moment and there's no shame in the world that equates to the shame that immediately dwell and still dwells in my soul shortly after even to this day. There's a lot to blame our mistake and betrayal on. Could it just be the moment? the weather? the chemistry? the devil? (laughs) my opportunistic habit? Her feminine warmth in such close proximity? my placing a hand on her thigh and meeting no resistance? My foggy mind and grown erection? Her racing and panting heart? Her feisty zeal and deviant nature? My libido? Hers? My morals? Buhari? Herdsmen? IPOB? Sunday Igbahor? Dstv and big brother? NEPA? Game of thrones? Was she after all really a minx? In all fairness, she is just a little naive girl that does not deserve to be pilloried for my betrayal. As the adult, I should have known better and acted a lot better.

Climbing down from our lustful climax, we both knew immediately what we had done, the gravity and the implications it could have on not just us, but grace and the whole family. In the most contrite way possible, we apologized to ourselves and vowed never to repeat it again. We felt it would be better not to tell Grace or anyone and we agreed Abigail would stop coming over. I started to avoid Abigail at all cost. I did not just release cum after my despicable act with Abigail, I released every thing good in me and every form of happiness. I felt much less of a man and wished I had died as a child or better still was aborted.

I hardly could face Grace after. The more I try to ghost her, the more she held on tightly. It became awkward visiting their family house for I was not comfortable around them trusting and accepting me. Not for the fear that they would find out...just my conscience eating me up. I stayed away and made peace with my gross mistake. For over six to seven months. I did my penance and nothing happened with Abigail. I know I am in a better place now to make sane decisions about cheating. To give something back to Grace, I have vowed never to sleep with anyone till die. We know how cheating amongst married men is common these days. I no call Adekule Gold name oh!

Me and Grace are set to marry on the 17th of this April. The thing is...Abigail is her chief bridesmaid and preparation demands I see her most times. She still has a look in her eyes...dunno what to make of it. A look of blackmail? Of you could still hit it if you want? We have unfinished business kinda look? You should be paying a bride price for two look? I die inside every time I see Grace happy she again got us back to talking terms because of the wedding. Ignorance is truly bliss.

I have doubts going through with this wedding. Folks may laugh and say I chickened out because of the inflation and money, others might blame Grace. It may ruin Grace for ever. How do I do this knowing Abigail will always be family?

londonbanks:
It's not just the fact that she forgot, it's that she's not invested in what we have. I've taken her out on a couple of dates where the majority of the time she was on her phone and not being receptive to my feelings even though I asked her politely to put it away.

Whenever she wants something from me she uses words like "baby" but soons as I send her money it's crickets from then on. Anytime I text her during the day to see how her day is she doesnt reply back and even when she does its "good" or "okay", quick short answers and doesnt reciprocate by asking about mines.

The birthday was the last straw because I had texted her few days ago and she completely ignored me until the day after apologising but only because hers is coming up in a few weeks and probably doesnt want to burn that bridge. She'll forget my birthday but will post on her stories constantly about other people wishing them theirs. It's clear at this point that she's been using me for money and doesn't care about me. Its always the ones you least expect.

Anyways I appreciate anyone who took the time to read this, your input will be greatly appreciated.

Obaseki500:
I have never been this confused in my entire life...

I have a girlfriend that we have been dating for 6 years now... We are not married because I was not stable financially but now things seems to be much better and next year should be the year....I reside in Ibadan so she came in last year after her education to get a job, she's a nurse and we were staying together up till now.

Sex has never been an issue between us up until December last year. We sleep on the same bed and we live in the same house but we have not had sex since December 2020 till date. She's right beside me as I type this message. Each time I go close to her, she tells me I am not entitled to sex because I have not paid her bride price. I just could not understand the sudden change in her attitude towards sex when wedding is next year.

She also locks her phone and even WhatsApp. Now, I am beginning to have doubt about marrying her.

ArewaWife:
El rufai will kneel down for you today and curse you tomorrow.

Babara1994:
Bank credit alert

roli21:
I met this beautiful girl somewhere in ohio, i invited her over, we were both hot but she seems to push me away when we are about to have sex,
i was mad that night but the next day she confessed to me that he reason she didn't want to have sex was because she has herpes, instantly i became nervous and kind of resent her, but was happy she told me tho,
this is the first time i am hearing BOUT THIS STD,

PLEASE IS IT SAFE TO STIL BE WITH HER? because i think i love her but now this std is a deal breaker
i looked it up online and many people said herpes is nothing to worry about.
any body experienced this?

dontjuststop:
Hello Nairalanders,

I have been having some doubts about my children which I stated in my earlier post but I couldn't summon the courage to do it.

My wife kept giving me reasons to suspect her so I had to man up and take the test secretly. I took the test and samples were submitted few days ago but the doctor said it will take 7 to 10 working days for the results to come back.

Ever since I took the test, I haven't been myself. Am so restless and anxiety is killing me while I keep praying the results comes out favourable as I know it could mark the end of my marriage if there is a bastard among the children.

Men in the house: Can you share your experiences conducting DNA on your children and what was the out come. My hear beat is so loud right no. This is the moment of truth. So help me God.

Update:
While I was at the DNA clinic waiting for my samples to be taken. I saw a couple who came for a different type of DNA test. The lady is two months pregnant while the guy wants to know if the pregnancy is his before assuming responsibility of the baby.

He was charged a million naira for the test and was told to come back for results in two weeks time. I wish I knew this was possible as it would save me from what am currently passing through. Aside the cost implication, I will advise every man to take their pregnant partner for test before assuming responsibility for any pregnancy. I just learnt something new!

Note:
I will update this thread once the result comes in the next few days. I hope I'll be a happy man afterwards.

IbnBattuta1960:
So that they can turn around and accuse you as an accomplice?
Make them carry their wahala go one side abeg.

lalasticlala:


https://lifestyle.thecable.ng/oscar-onyema-nse-ceo-finally-marries-at-52/

paulGrundy:
A contract staff was queried on marketing report without prior notice/warning (they are to followup customers and prospects everyday and write a report on the outcome). he was accused of putting in some ficticious names and information. He was found guilty by disciplinary panel and dismissed on grounds of falsification of information, deliberately misleading panel and doubtful integrity.

He is looking for another job.
HR personel in the house, can he include the experience he has with the said firm on his CV?
will it affect his chances of getting another job?

note: its not a fraud case or money issue. The victim was witchhunted.

Vevejoy:
Plesse forget the errors and focus on the content.

So here's my issue.

I've been married for 6yrs and it's been a blissful journey- of course with minor issues here and there but nothing to worry about until May 5th 2020 when I'd say things turned upside down.

We live abroad and struggled to have kids but God finally blessed us with a beautiful daughter in Sept 2019. Child care being super expensive here, we wanted one of our moms to come help us with the baby when I return to work after my maternity leave. So on the eve of our wedding anniversary which was the 4th of May last year, I asked my husband for the say 10th time about beginning the procedure of bringing a mom over to help since I'll be returning to work. He asked which mom and I said in my exact words; "of course my mom" because I know that when a woman gives birth, her mom usually go to help her. Did that change our story? My God, marriage has been one hell of a thing since that day.

My husband said I am selfish, disrespectful, and want to dominate him. He said things will never be the same again and since then, my marriage has been a stress zone.

My husband is numb to my feelings. He's been ignoring me, I've been a nag I'll admit since tue incident last year. I now talk alot and mostly complain about everything whenever we are together. It's sad and I've actually had conversations with myself to ignore him and stop nagging but I continue to do it, I need help on how to shut up and observe.

I can cry from now to die kingdom come and this man wouldn't be moved. He cannot shift his stance because of me at all. He does whatever he likes and disregard everything I say. E.g before this crisis, we had an appointment to see our Dr to start trying for baby number two because the Dr's advised that since we just had a baby, it's best to try for another soonest given that we had challenges conceiving the first one. This man cancelled the appointment with our Dr and has blatantly refused to start trying for a baby right now. He says when the time comes he'll let me know. Up till now the time has not come despite the fact that delaying may impact our chance of conceiving again. What a life!� � �.

Also, he has decided that no parent will come and I'm back to work already. My poor baby who use to sleep till 9am now suffer in this winter getting up at 6am to be dropped off at daycare all because her father is angry and want to make sure he doesn't do anything that will make his wife smile. He'll rather spend thorns of money paying for daycare even after I've told him that I don't mind his mom coming. Mind u, I have a very good relationship with my inlaws, especially my mom inlaw so it's not an inlaw fight.

The worst of them all is that despite living abroad for 17yrs, this man believes so much in native doctors to the extend that I can't even explain. Infact it's something that I've always fought him about and talked against. I've even complained about it to his family. And guess what, when I talk against, he tells his native drs who of course has ignited the fire in our home. Can you believe that in this chaos this man took me on a vacation in August last year that he wanted to clear his mind so we can start a new chapter and be happy again only to tell me that I have been trying to use a charm on him in the past months thats why things got rough. He said the 3 women I am using appeared to him but he is stronger ����. I am laughing because I felt pity and ashamed for him. How can a grown man be this vulnerable to suitsayers? I have never in my entire life visited a native doctor for myself not to talk of going to take a charmI didn'tvisit the native drs when I was strugglingto have a baby and this man thinks I'llvisit one now to charm him. Wondering y he will even believe such a thing. Infact I don't even know any native doctor. So when he said that, I told him that if I had known that his change of attitude is because of this stupid reason, I would not have fought for my marriage like I did. Of course I got so mad and told him a piece of my mind. I am even ashamed of telling people that despite this man's exposure he consults native Dr's in Africa more than even the people in Africa. Infact if they say yes that's what he listens to. He has even paid a flight from here to Africa because a native Dr told him that his dad who raised him to be the man he is today is trying to kill him and he should come for protection.

I decided to tell his mom about the accusation. His mom told me she scolded at him and warned him never to say such nonsense. Well I just pity him and I'm praying for him. But truth is I regret my marriage to him because of these his believes. I just don't believe in divorce and don't even have the heart to move out I would have done so. Mind u, I am 100% independent so it's not an issue of being scared of surviving alone.

Well one Sunday night as usual I talked to him like crazy and he said "all he wants is for our relationship to work and he will put in his best effort with support from me. I said I want same and will put in my best effort with support from him too*. This happened around september and things have been like normal on and off since then.

I have a few worries which I'd like you to advise me on the way forward.
- My husband is heartless. No matter how I lament, cry, beg, approach him nicely. Infact no matter the manner in which I bring up an issue to him, he doesn't get moved at all. He stays on his stance and doesn't care. How am I suppose to live with a man like this. He goes mute when I try having a conversation with him.

- I have a weakness of talking alot which I acknowledge and I'm doing my best to work on it though I'm yet to change completely. But I can say there's a huge improvement. Infact I'm able to walk away now.

Can a marriage really work out out without a compromise from both parties? I feel like I am compromising alot but this man is doing whatever he likes. In all of these he doesn't cheat but has abused me physically 4times in our 6yrs of marriage which I'm still pained about. The worst abuse right now is emotional abuse and I've told him so several times.

We use to be an exemplary and happy couple up till this may 2020. What will you do in a situation like mine With? With a man like my husband who I'd say lacks empathy and a concience how do I deal with him? His mom said she talked to him but I don't see any difference.

I feel miserable right now in my marriage. Since I got married this is our hardest hit and unfortunately it got prolonged probably bc of his native Dr's who told him I am using a charm on him which he believed.


Help me out please

TemiBami2020:
Pls help me people. My world is collapsing. It's a marriage of 10years and blessed with 3kids (2 boys and a girl). Like every other marriages, we've had our own shares of ups and downs. No marriage is perfect.

Last month i went to work. By the time I came back the children were no where to be found, including my husband. Initially, I thought they went out or something. Around 11pm I got worried and called my brother in-law who is a police to track my husband numbers

He contacted other family members and he found out my husband left for UK with our children forever.

I don't know what to do. I'm running mad. Pls is there any authority I can contact in the UK? Or can I go to the UK/ British Commission in Nigeria to lay a formal complaint? Is there any NGO I can contact?


Modified For those saying I'm a bad wife, I'm not. I've been very supportive in a every way a wife can be. I've lived in both physical and verbal abusive marriage within the last 10years of my life. He's a violent man, adulterous, alcoholic and a fervent smoker. He gets drunk and get home and beat me up Infront of the children unprovoked. I have evidences and witnesses

I often threaten him I would take my children and go away cause I can't watch and allow them to grow in such a toxic home.

canttedra:
The recent topic on the home page motivated me to make this post, anonymously of course.

We were dating before I left Nigeria. We've been dating for about three years. Sometime last year I got a new job in the US (I schooled there so it was easy), and moved away from the country. Until a few weeks ago, we talked nearly every other day. It's always fun talking to her. But lately, things have started to get a little rough because of something that came up, and which I would like to believe is not my fault.

Prior to dating her, since I was a kid in university, I made myself a few promises relating to women:

1. I will never pay a woman's school fees
2. I will never rent a house or apartment for a woman, nor furnish an existing apartment
3. I will never sponsor a woman abroad.

Of course, this does not mean that I won't buy a woman gifts (I do that regularly), or take her on a nice trip. I just do not envisage myself pulling a woman up the social ladder. I prefer she makes her own growth moves as it relates to finances or relocation.

I made these promises based on the fact that I expected that whomever I make a partner should be able to make something of their own selves. I do not want to be anybody's savior or anyone's get-out-of-jail card. This resolution has made lose a few women in the past who thought the relationship should be based on what they can get out of it, and my girlfriend knows this.

The situation right now is that there is a path for her to come to America through studying. We already talked about her applying for graduate studies and then transitioning here into a better job. However, she now feels that would be stressful and may not work. Instead, she thinks it's better if I return to Nigeria this December to marry her and then sponsor her eventually to the US. That's not going to happen. This has created a rift and we have not been talking for a while now.

Am I being unreasonable here? How can I make her realize she can be her own person and not have to depend on someone else to "sponsor" her? It just drives me nuts that she knows this about me but is now vehemently insisting that this is the only viable option.

luminouz:

Nor does it guarantee ya happiness in marriage.

willingheart:
I'm truly in love with this guy. We are happy together, We understand each other perfectly. With him I'm � myself, No pretence. Same with him. He's everything I want in a man, but the problem is that: he doesn't have money. He keeps trying, but things are not working. no job and he's from a family where everyone are on their own facing their challenges, no support.


He's 35yrs this yr and I'm 30 already. He wants to get married, but he can't afford it.

Lately, I buy almost everything for him, to support him.

Age is not on my side, yet the only man I love and that loves me can't afford to marry me. If we're married, it will be easy for me to share everything with him without my family members putting eyes.

My Aunt called me stu.pid that i should accept a financially stable man instead of being with a man who can not afford to take care of me.
I have little money I saved to support my wedding as well, but he have nothing.

Married people in the house please help.
I want to have direction plan for my life coming year.

Marrying the one you love or the one that's financially stable. What's your advice and opinion?

Dalil8:
If it's true, RIP to the poor girl.

Kiki Mordi and her feminist coven needs to be investigated.