₦airaland Forum

bluebay:
Good morning and I hope this message Met you well. Am writing you this morning for I need your advice on what to do.
Yesterday was my birthday and I don’t have funds to celebrate it for what was left on me was used to buy my baby food yesterday and pay for my DSTV subscription because of my wife and son. I was indoor till in the evening yesterday when few of my friends asked me to meet them up at a small hotel/bar not far from the house. About 5minutes strolling . I met them and they took me unaware and started buying drinks and celebrating with me. I then called my Neighbour to help me wife refill the generator and tell her to meet me at the hotel, but she said she’s can’t come .
To cut the story short, It was around 10:30 when she called me and she started yelling and calling me all names, saying I left her in hunger in the house with just bread to eat. My mistake was that I sent the boy to help me buy sandine and breverages but the boy was too tipsy to even walk home so I had it with me hoping to quickly discharge my friends and get home. It was past 11 pm they left and I walked home. It’s wasnt an easy thing sir . She yelled, insulted me so much and using all provocative words like (I just completed 30 but am still senseless). It got out of control that I had to slap her and behold, she go wild. Pushed me down to the ground, smashed my phone and woke up our son. I rushed in to carry him coz he started crating but my wife to be, dragged him from me and the next minutes, she dropped her on the ground with full force and wanted to fight. My heart melted for I saw my boy crying and staring at us. She said all sort of word to me and I think I have to let her go. Am planning for her marriage this November and the bills are so much and i’m Working Towards it but I’ve been asking myself if it work it now ... You remember to told you the other time I derive pleasure in giving her money to visit her people all because I want peace of mind, you won’t believe it wasn’t up to 5 minutes she came and she started another quarrel... At this moment, I don’t know if it’s love or stupidity and undergoing but one thing for sure, am not happy in this relationship.

Your woman is facing pressure and also one of the disabilities she's causing in your Marriage here is her attitude, her lack of self control, she also lack Maturity. (Sorry if I used harsh words)
Maturity here is the ability to manage pressure, she lack the ability to manage anger and words too.
The Disability facing your Marriage or Relationship>>> https://allsinglesandmarried..com/2019/08/what-is-disability-facing-your-marriage.html?m=1

I will like to refer you to this article I titled where are you confused? https://allsinglesandmarried..com/2019/08/where-are-you-confused-in-your.html?m=1

WHAT YOU SHOULD DO.
It will be important that you don't allow anger to control you, is normal to be angry but you failed it for raising your hands on her.
People neglect to say "I'm sorry" when they are wrong, you accepted you are wrong and should have apologized to her when you come back home and then begged her to accept the sadine.
("I'm sorry" is powerful and has healed so many broken hearts)

Going forward, do you think you can cope with her in marriage based on her character now?
Do you think she will change for better?
Pause and think if you can because Marriage should be more of friendship which is not existing in your Relationship now so it will be difficult for it to exist in Marriage because the foundation was not laid.
If you ask me, I will say that you should hold on with the marriage rite to be sure if your Marriage with her can work out.

Let's discuss

ahnie:
I don't totally agreed with this.... you just suceeded ruining this relationship.

Good afternoon,
Can you please tell me where I committed the offense, it can be fixed

The love that carries a couple to the altar is not the same love that sustains them through the ups and downs of marriage. Juggling family, careers, and finances, plus the unique challenges of living with a disability, can leave us exhausted and overwhelmed. Yet despite any hardships, we are called to live in humility, considering others’ needs before our own. We are to “have the attitude of Christ.” Yet we live in a world that reinforces a me-first perspective.

You’ve probably heard the saying that we must first put on our own oxygen mask so we can then help others. This is true, but we must be wary that self-care doesn’t become self-centeredness. Most marriages have an ebb and flow, with seasons of give and take. But when one spouse has a disability, the other is often required to serve as the primary caregiver. This can lead to feelings of resentment, anger, or even depression. Self-centeredness on the part of either spouse is detrimental to a healthy marriage and is not the example Christ modeled.

In Philippians 2:3-8, Paul emphasizes the sacrificial nature of Christ’s love for us and challenges us to do likewise. In Ephesians 5, Paul reiterates this call to Christ-likeness, and then proceeds to apply the concept to marriage. He teaches mutual submission, where each spouse is willing to go the “extra mile” for the other. By contrast, the world promotes marriage as a partnership, an “equitable” relationship with a 50/50 split of benefits, burdens, and responsibilities. But life—and marriage—doesn’t always go that way.

How can we combat the human tendency to “look out for number one”? Prayer. Our Savior not only understands our unique needs but also tells us to come boldly to him. He asks us to lay any resentment, anger, anxiety, or fear at his feet, so that he can pour his love and mercy into our lives. Couples coping with pain, disease, hardship, or mental illness need to constantly pray together, asking for the same attitude that Christ had when he humbled himself to obey God’s plan. He gives us access to come before the throne of grace and promises to show us the way forward.
https://allsinglesandmarried..com

Jesus gave us the command: “Love each other in the same way I have loved you” (John 15:12). This can feel like a tall order when the day-to-day struggles of disability bring out careless responses and negative thoughts. When quarrels and judgments pile up and we lose sight of the love that Christ wants to display through us, we can feel powerless to control ourselves. Even the Apostle Paul experienced this: “I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong” (Romans 7:21). But he goes on to encourage us to look to Jesus as the answer (Romans 7:25).

Jesus is the answer when we feel powerless over our emotions and unsure of how to love. His love and sacrifice is the measuring stick for ours. He commands us to lay down our lives in service to each other (John 15:13), putting others’ needs before our own. Jesus is the answer when we feel isolated as a result of disability and when the needs of others seem overwhelming. Jesus is the answer to swapping judgment, suspicion, and self-focus for unity, trust, and obedience. There is nothing more powerful than a couple that recognizes Jesus and invites him into their struggles, confident that he will help them to pattern their love after his.

Jesus taught that when we live this way, it reflects our intimate relationship with him. He said, “Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me” (John 15:15). As friends of Christ and heirs of God we have everything we need to live as he has commanded. When we invite Christ into our struggles, we begin to cultivate a deeper relationship with both him and our spouses. Christ helps us find joy that isn’t dependent on our changing circumstances, but rather on the love we possess within our hearts.
https://allsinglesandmarried..com

hpretty:
It's been 6years already, I had my son when my ex walked away because he wanted to pursue his career. After he made me let go of all the people that loves me and care about me.

I wanted to go for my Master's but till today, I've not been able to achieve that because I've been busy working hard talking Care of my son.
no relationship, no marriage. no dating.

I'm already 30years and i'm always afraid to get committed.
Afraid to involve in sexual relationship.
I eaily turn people down because I don't believe them.
I keep meeting people, but I don't like any.
I'm always afraid.

I realized should I keep being this way, I may not be able to settle down and I love to.
Anyone who sees me will think I have a serious relationship, but I have non not even being in a sexual relationship for years.


Counselors in the house, please

What measure can you suggest for me?
Do you think something is wrong with me?
I was a loving person back then, but I don't know of now.


For the past few days, I really feel so lonely and depressed.
Like I want to talk to someone

The only challenge you are facing is that you are being truamatised by your past relationship.
Emotionally you are thinking that every other man is like your ex or will take advantage of your body and leave.
Open up your heart, love is knocking on your door and he is willing to come in if you can open your heart for him to come in.
Forgive your ex, let go of the past ugly memories.
Be ready to move on with someone else that would cherish you like the only woman in the world and you will enjoy love again.
Find out how to deal with the truama of your past relationships..
https://allsinglesandmarried..com/2019/08/how-to-deal-with-truama-of-past.html?m=1

NaijaMutant:
Hello Ladies,

Love is indeed a beautiful when you find one. But before you surrender your fragile heart to a former stranger turned friend take this as a necessary precaution to ensure you are taking the right decision and not being another pawn in a guys chese game:

Observe the greeting and reaction of his friends when you meet them for the first.


Do they hail him to the heavens for another capture ?

My sister run for your life

See further evidence below

Most times it doesn't go that way.
Sometimes the person you thought is a player is not a player.

tracyberry:
That's not you showing care or concern, that's aproko and busy body

Prepare for Marriage before going into it because Marriage is more than just having sex and giving birth to children

tracyberry:
And I ask... How is it your concern?
How did you know she ain't ready?
How Tf do you come up with these silly assumptions?

It may be silly to you but it's fact.
Please investigate if you care

Every day for the thief and now that one day for the owner is here.

These is why is very crucial that we all prepare for Marriage before going into it.
She was not emotionally prepared or Matured before going into the Marriage.
She went into it for fun while she met something else.

That's the consequences of not having one girl.
When penis controls a man, he will definitely one day fall into the pit of trouble and disgrace just as he is now.

If you want to have 10 ladies in your life, you are free but this is how you can satisfy them in bed to avoid public disgrace.
Here.....
https://allsinglesandmarried..com/2019/08/how-to-sexually-satisfy-any-woman.html?m=1

I can message my wife abeg because I have hands to it.
Nobody should romance her for me in the name of messaging her body.

PortHardcore:
Sis,what do you mean by this exactly?

Let there be a sexual boundaries between the both of you.

Men should understand that even though fingering a lady gives her sexual pleasure doesn't mean that it should be done anyhow.
When your hand are not clean, it will negatively affect the health of the vagina and tomorrow the same guy will say that the girl is dirty, that she has STI/STD.
Why not keep it clean so you can enjoy it as you wish?

It's very crucial that when you come back from the office or from the market, first thing you should do is to wash your hands very well with soap, yes you didn't use it to pack sands but you have been using it for one thing or the other.
You will agree with me that the dirty in your hands will surprise you after washing it, and that same fingers is what you want to insert inside a girl's vagina without washing it clean?
Maturity is very crucial, let's always apply it.
https://allsinglesandmarried..com/2019/08/the-untold-health-benefit-of-having-sex.html?m=1

These are the type of women that nobody asked them how are you doing today.
Nobody looks into her eyes and appreciate her beauty .
Now she has gotten the attention she want and how she wants it.

Addiction, according to the English language Dictionary is; A state that is characterized by compulsive drug use or compulsive engagement in rewarding behavior, despite negative consequences.

It Also means..
A habit or practice that damages, jeopardizes or shortens one's life but when ceased causes trauma.

What's your spouse addicted to?
It could be that your spouse is addicted to pornographic videos, or pornographic pictures to the extend of buying them in the market even after wasting time in the internet just because of it.

Majority of men in this ugly lifestyle deny their women sex, they will hide somewhere in the room or in the toilet for abnormal minutes, due to the memory of the pictures or videos they have watched, they start masturbating.

The worst part of it is that, this kind of men is among those that experience quick ejaculation, thinking it's someone that's doing it to them, not knowing he's the cause of it.

Is your spouse addicted to stealing to the extend that anything that got missing, his or her name will be mentioned?.

Is your spouse addicted to masturbation? Any man in this state of life find it difficult to make love with his partner, they doesn't like sex, to them sex is wasting of time, they find pleasure in the dirty lifestyle of masturbation. For the ladies that does it, no amount of romance will be okay for her, it's difficult to satisfy her sexually.
Imagine someone that uses vibrator to satisfy herself sexually, tell me if it's the same thing with manhood.

Addiction?
Being addicted to some certain things in life has destroyed Marriage Relationships, especially when the person involved refuse to admit the lifestyle, or refuse to be responsible and matured so the other person can help him or her overcome it.

The thing with addiction is that it's incredibly complex. As much as we'd just love to pray and believe on behalf of our addicted spouses, there are no easy solutions in this arena.
Addiction can be overcome through a complex process of admission, accountability, discipleship, and daily perseverance, and it almost always requires professional counseling.

The good news is that, addiction can be overcome, and Marriages Relationships that have been decimated by it can be rebuilt even more strongly than before.
It takes a lot of work, as well as daily shovels full of grace toward one another, but it can be done.

You can't find a love that lasts alongside someone who's still wallowing in their addiction but you can find one with an addict. That's good news.
If you are addicted to anything, that you have been secretly battling with, let your partner know about it.

Apologies, and seek for their help to assist you overcome it.
https://allsinglesandmarried..com

I dedicate this article to all the people that believe in goal getter.
Those that believe in making difference in our society.
Those that refused to accept they have failed and as well keep making efforts to put smile in the face of all individuals concerned.

Why not be patient to do it in the room or are they Hiding.

“So, how do we know if we should get married?”
That is a question I hear often. In general, what you are looking for is:

Confidence in your relationship
Conviction that you are willing to give your life away in the loving service of the other (commitment)
Trust that your partner is willing to do the same for you
And, if children are involved, an educated, objective sense that they are reasonably open to your union and new family, and that their emotional, psychological, and spiritual health will be well served by your marriage
Confidence

If you are lacking confidence, give full consideration as to why and don’t get engaged until your confidence rises. When your confidence is high, make a decision for marriage; until then, keep dating and resolve your concerns or gracefully bow out of the relationship if you can’t.

COMMITMENT.
To experience love and intimacy in marriage, we must do the hard work of confronting and sacrificing our selfishness. Commitment creates a climate where both persons can work together on putting off their selfishness. Without this permanence most people won’t subject themselves to the process of maturation and discipleship that marriage brings; instead they wiggle out when the going gets tough.

Children are Open and Ready.
If one or both of you already has children (of any age), take time to check in with the kids about the possibility of having a stepfamily. It takes children longer to adjust to a parent’s marriage than it does a parental divorce, so you don’t want to run over them with a hasty decision. Don’t marry someone unless you are convinced they will bring emotional, spiritual, psychological, and relational blessings to your children.

(Suggestion: complete the 7-day plan Dating and the Single Parent also available on YouVersion.)

Yeah, But How Do I Know?

Now, having said all that, let me state the obvious: even if your confidence and commitment is high, you still may not know beyond a shadow of doubt that you should get married. At some level when you get right down to it, marriage is a leap of faith. There are no guarantees. The decision then is yours: Are you willing to take the leap?

TRY THIS
Rate your current level of confidence in your relationship on a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 being the highest).
Rate your level of commitment.
If you...
https://allsinglesandmarried..com/2019/08/where-are-you-confused-in-your.html?m=1

I can recall during my younger years dating someone whom was truly a good choice but not a perfect choice from God. After desiring to get an understanding of the direction I should take regarding our relationship, I remember seeking God in prayer. He answered my prayer through a vision. During this vision, I had a candid conversation with my mother, who instructed me to have a discussion with him. Once I was awake, I did exactly what God instructed me to do. After having a discussion, it was clear it was time to bring the relationship to an end.

Know the purpose for each relationship.
I didn’t realize it at the time. God had a different purpose in mind. So, I began to ask God His purpose for our relationship and God made it clear. God instructed me to help him build his relationship with Christ! “Wow,” I thought to myself. A little nervous, I stepped out on faith and began to minister to him. It was “an act of faith” because the devil told me he would dismiss me, but this was not the case at all.

Fearful, I continued to minister to him and he revealed to me he had a strong desire to learn more about God. From there, I introduced him to the salvation prayer and he accepted Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior. Had I not sought God, I could have kept one of the best gifts from him the gift of our Lord and Savior - Jesus Christ!

More importantly, when God provides clear direction concerning the way we should move, we have to be obedient. I strongly believe when we are disobedient and do not do what God has instructed us, we remain in the wilderness and the promises of God are extended to a later date until we are obedient to His Word. The Bible provides a great example of this in the book of Numbers.

So what are you waiting for? Are you tired of being in the wilderness? Adopt His plan so that you can move from the wilderness to the promised land!.
Read more.....
https://allsinglesandmarried..com

So often we are in bondage but yet fail to realize it. This bondage could include baggage from past or unhealthy relationships, and other ungodly thoughts that are simply not of God. Because of this, it’s difficult to move to the future because we are still chained to our past. We often wonder why we can’t move from this place but not understanding there is a hidden lock prohibiting us from moving forward.

UNLOCK YOURSELF.
Sometimes we don’t realize it but God has already released us from a certain relationship but because we are still chained to a past event we are stuck in the moment only in our mind. But God is calling us to be free! Free from past hurts, free from negative thoughts and free from unhealthy relationships that are not of God. I once heard a preacher give a similar story. He said there was a bird locked in a cage for years. Finally the owner opened the cage to allow the bird to fly but the bird stood in the cage because he was so familiar with his surroundings! Wow! Many times God is waiting for us to move into a “new season” but we have allowed strongholds to keep us in a place and prohibit us from the new relationships God has for us.

MOVE INTO YOUR RIGHTFUL PLACE.
Remember, God has something better for you. But first you have to remove strongholds that have resided in your life for so long. Declare that chains have been broken. Begin to speak life to your ......
https://allsinglesandmarried..com/2019/08/how-to-deal-with-truama-of-past.html?m=1

Let's discuss

NIGERIA is a country where a woman advertise herself to men because she's single and searching.

If a police officer is abducted then the lay man in the street is finished.
What a country where the security is dead.

Attitude they said is everything.
Her attitude is what makes her who she is and why the man after enjoying her body for six years refused to marry her.
Marriage is beyond just confessing love to each other and the man may have seen far beyond that then he refused her Marriage proposal.

Dear Single Ladies,
DATING is clearly different from Marriage, how willing are you for Marriage?
The primary purpose of dating is to be sure, at 80% sure that you can cope with the person's weaknesses and can also stand the challenges that you may face in the Marriage with him.
If he found out that you don't have these attributes then you become just an option for him.
How ready are you for Marriage?
Dating him for so many years doesn't make you to be ready for Marriage.
You know how to turn him up in bed and he knows yours, that doesn't mean that you are ready for Marriage.
How ready are you for marriage?

What are the fear you may be facing because of your Marriage or Relationship?
You can't really tell?
Then found out here...
https://allsinglesandmarried..com/2019/08/what-are-fear-you-are-facing-in.html?m=1

Katier00:
Lack of communication. I can't communicate my utmost need or desire to my partner

Here is how to deal with it.

No Room for Fear
Disability can provide fertile ground for fear—fear about the future, fear of becoming a burden, fear of pain and suffering.

Yet John, the beloved disciple, teaches us that God’s perfect love casts out all fear. The Bible says “fear not,” over and over—365 times, to be exact. Why? Because when fear is present, we are not living out the love that flows from our faith in God or trusting the One who is in control of all our circumstances.

How do we live secure in his perfect love? Movies, television shows, and popular music portray love as a feeling. It is . . . and it’s not—love is more often a choice that we must make many times a day. We can decide to trust God with the what-ifs that plague our minds, or we can take those thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5). If we trust God to deal with sin in a spouse’s life, we will be able to respond with kindness and compassion instead of anger.

The more we strive to live out God’s perfect love instead of our own fear, the more freedom we find. Fear keeps us in bondage. Paul teaches in...
https://allsinglesandmarried..com/2019/08/what-are-fear-you-are-facing-in.html?m=1

Here is how to deal with it.

No Room for Fear
Disability can provide fertile ground for fear—fear about the future, fear of becoming a burden, fear of pain and suffering.

Yet John, the beloved disciple, teaches us that God’s perfect love casts out all fear. The Bible says “fear not,” over and over—365 times, to be exact. Why? Because when fear is present, we are not living out the love that flows from our faith in God or trusting the One who is in control of all our circumstances.

How do we live secure in his perfect love? Movies, television shows, and popular music portray love as a feeling. It is . . . and it’s not—love is more often a choice that we must make many times a day. We can decide to trust God with the what-ifs that plague our minds, or we can take those thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5). If we trust God to deal with sin in a spouse’s life, we will be able to respond with kindness and compassion instead of anger.

The more we strive to live out God’s perfect love instead of our own fear, the more freedom we find. Fear keeps us in bondage. Paul teaches in...
https://allsinglesandmarried..com/2019/08/what-are-fear-you-are-facing-in.html?m=1