₦airaland Forum

kingralph:
OP you are insightful. One might say following these rules would get a man no wife at all..lol.

Hahahahaha- you are funny. Believe me. If you adhere to it, you will only meet women of higher status and the other question is - are you a man worthy of such women. So when you finally meet one, you appreciate her and work hard to keep your marriage.

mp3ree:
Please I need advice on what action to take concerning a girl.We have been dating for a while but one thing about the relationship is that am older than her with almost 15years ,she is 23 years old while am 38 years and I express my fears about the age difference that we shouild quit the relationship but she would not accept ,althought i was helping her to pay part of school fees,and helping her financially.she was now disturbing me to come and see her people that i was not serious in the relationship that i must come and see her people,fast forward we did the introduction a month later she told me she is no more interested in the marriage,that she is still young ,that we should still be dating but no marriage.please I need advice on what action to take concerning this issue.
And i notice since she said she is no more interested anytime we are chatting she trys to be nice to me .please I need advice no insults.

I did a write up on how young men can pick their wives. You are already violating one rule. You have not clearly assessed or conduct due diligence on your future in laws.

Why are you paying the tuition fees of a woman you are not yet married to? What other fees and bills will you pay when you eventually get married? How will your financial income cater for you, your wife, your future kids and possibly your future in-laws.

Chief - you have to be logical here and think about your future. That’s why many young men struggle financially

lefulefu:
nice post op but i cant see myself marrying someone i have no attraction for so attraction and love must dey for person wey i wan hook up with.as for single mothers its not dat anything is wrong with them but the issue a man might get wary its the baby daddy dat will be pestering ur marriage or her child dat will never respect u cos u not his/her biological dad.if u must marry a single mom make sure its a single mom with children dat are not so grownup and if u must marry a single mom with with grown up children make sure u urself is a divorcee with grown up children so as to command respect.any young man wey never marry b4 put head go marry a single mom with grown up children is entering one chance.

Of course attraction is good. I can tell you for free that when a man and a woman stay together for a long period, they fall in love.

As for single mothers - whether the child is grown or not. You will still suffer the consequences I listed. If the children are grown, you suffer it instantly. If they are young, the consequences is deferred and this is even worse because you have committed so much, financial, emotionally and otherwise, that you find it difficult to leave.

Please I have nothing against single mothers. I am writing based on practical experiences I have witnessed.

StarUp:
You have to put into consideration that some of them were raped or drugged and before they knew what was happening, it was too late... I once had a female colleague who's a single mother: her boyfriend drugged and slept with her on Valentine's day (back in the university) and before she knew it, she was pregnant and had to give birth to the child because she was scared of abortion(killing another life). Another case was that of a girl that was raped by armed robbers and her parents who were born again Christians told her to keep the pregnancy that followed...she gave birth to the child and handed him over to a childless couple...so not all single mothers were/are wayward(there are exceptions).

I have listed reasons why young men should avoid single mothers. It may be not fault of theirs. However, like I said many single mothers are suffering the consequences of a either a bad relationship or situation. Many get married because they want financial support from men. At some point, a man would begin to struggle for the attention of his wife with his kids and if that child is not his, he becomes spiteful towards the child. My best advice - Avoid them completely if you can. Start your family brand new.

My advice is for men who want to approach marriage logically and not emotionally. Many men who are married will confirm what I am saying. I am married and this is from a practical viewpoint. If a man allows his emotions overwhelm his logical decisions, he would suffer the consequences afterwards.

ubunja:
so about Single Mothers @ number 2?

I am not trying to bring down single mothers. The present situation might have not been their own fault. Some make wonderful wives. However, my advice is from a man’s point of view. I advice young and even old men to avoid single mothers - why

- They already have children. Mothers are very protective of their children. Regardless of how she professes love to you, a man can never replace a mother’s love.

- The father maybe a third wheel. Some fathers would want to be involved in the lives of their children. They want to know the man close to their children. They may interfere in the marriage and also in the family structure. They may still be sleeping with the mother of their kids. They may be jealous and carry hideous acts.

- The children may hate you. You cannot replace the love a child has for the parent. Some kids may think you are the reason daddy is not going to come back. Some kids may act rudely towards you and remember you that you are not their father. Their mother may take sides when you want to discipline them.

- Financial commitment - whether the father of the child has any financial arrangement with the mother or not, you would still play a huge role financially in bringing up that child or children. Your only reason to spend is because you are in a relationship with their mother. Hence, you are raising another man’s kids when you could start a brand new family. Don’t fall for the nonsense or assist a dead beat dad - Go and start your family afresh - Brand new.

- Many Single mothers are damaged women. You might be in a relationship with a woman who is suffering the effects of previously being in a damage or abusive relationship or she is actually the abuser.

freg2000:
I recently shifted base to Gabon for business over a year ago. My wife, legally married is in Nigeria. I discovered some bad attitudes and wayward ways with her and called to caution her.
To my surprise, she abused and insulted me, composed a 30mins audio full of curses and send it to me for accusing her wrongly.
Her sisters and brothers also joined in sending stinkers to me with abuses while the mother kept an ominous silence also by inciting her daughters that am too authoritative am her daughters.
I kept silence and withdrew, my wife refused to call or message me for a whole month.
Presently, she starred begging and crying asking me to forgive her since I have severed all contacts and intimated her of a divorce option,. She is very stubborn, not submissive and full of empty pride. Till now my mother in law never utter a word. I now asked her what will be the implications for her siblings whom she contracted to abuse and curse me. She was crying that I married her and not them and should pity her. Things are not in good shape for her now, even her good bizness is folding up. She even want me to allow her to join me here in Gabon.
My spirit is no longer with her please. I want to ignore her to rot away and later divorce her. She has no child for me yet. Advice please

Sorry about your situation bro. However, the red flags were there before you got married to her. Since she has no children for you, and you are no longer happy, better to severe ties now. It becomes harder to leave an unhappy marriage when there are children involved.

Young men - I did a write up on how to pick your wife. Go and read it. The poster here made some mistake - He never truly assess and conducted proper due diligence on his in-Laws.

His mother in-law is quiet about the own scenario and his wife’s siblings are hauling insults on him. The dynamics in this relationship is totally broken and even if repaired, how would this man react to his in-laws?

If I can remember more - I would post them. You can also ask me reasons why I came up with the criteria above, form a discussion or even critique them.

I have read about some many sad tales on Nairaland about marriages and I have seen similar pitfalls. Please note that my post is from a man’s view and does not aim to bring down women. I am also posting this because many young men do not get solid advice on how to pick their partners.

It is only when you get married that you begin to understand marriage. However, young men, if you adhere to some of the advices below, you will avoid some marital pitfalls and approach marriage from a logical point of view.

No 1 - Never marry for love. Love should never be the underlying factor to marry a woman. Why - marriage is a long term commitment for the foreseeable future. Love is an emotional situation and just like every other emotions, love comes and goes. There would be days and even months, that your partner irritates and disgust you. If love is the main reason you marry, young man, you would be heading for the divorce court.

No 2 - Never marry a single mother. What ever you do, never ever marry a single mother. Don’t start your family with another man’s family. Start your family brand new. I would love to explain this fully, but it would make this post longer.

No 3 - Assess and conduct proper due diligence on your future in-laws. Know your in-laws properly. Know their source of livelihood. Ensure your future in-laws are doing financially well as well as the siblings of your future wife. You will not enjoy your marriage when excessive financial burdens fall on you. Except you are excessively wealthy, which I doubt as a young man starting off life, and you have a big heart as well as a big house, don’t marry a woman where you cannot verify her family income.

No 4 - Don’t marry a lady from a broken home. Many women will paint a story of not leaving their marriage because they are from a broken home. However, please note these women do not have the knowledge, opportunity or privilege to be in a stable household. Many of them did not see their mothers adore and respect their fathers. Many only get to hear about negative information of their fathers. These are the first set of women to leave their marriage when things take a downward spin. If you want to have an idea of how your wife would treat you, look at how her mother behaves or treat her father and if the father is not around, this is a huge risk.

No 5 - Never marry for beauty. I don’t need to explain this so much. Beauty fades as one age and even if it doesn’t, beauty becomes inconsequential during marriage. Behavioral attitude matters a lot. At some point, your wife’s beauty becomes non existent and you begin to see her as an individual and not because she is beautiful.

No 6 - Assess your future wife’s friends and those who influence her. Women are largely insecure. Many rely on the advices of their friends, family, or spiritual leaders to make decisions. You have to assess the character of the person who has a major influence on your future wife. You have no choice on this because this individual would be running your home from his/her own location. If the individual is of no good and your future wife cannot cut ties, don’t marry such a woman. If the individual is of good standing, befriend such individual.

No 7 - Polygamous home - if the father of your future wife do not have a strong influence over his large family, run away.

No 8 - Never marry for food or sex. These are things a man with good income can easily get. Don’t let this form an opinion for selecting a wife. As you age, your sex drive dwindles down. Also, you get preoccupied with other more important things. For food, we can all agreed many of us eat out either due to the job or recreational purposes. Furthermore, food and sex do not define a man. If this is why you want to get married, think again.

No 9 - Never marry an illiterate, semi-educated or poorly educated woman. This is actually because of your kids. Women play a pivotal role for the early development of kids. An educated smart woman would raise smart kids.

No 10 - Never marry a prostitute. We get to hear prostitutes make fine wives. I wonder the foolish set of people who pushed the agenda. A prostitute has no regards for her body and health. She is highly materialistic and considers money to be her ONLY master. Prostitutes have served a wide range of different men and are only with men for money. A prostitute would marry you for the financial security you bring. She would be the first to sleep with your friends when that financial security no longer exist. She also may continue to indulge in her sexual escapades whilst married because she enjoys the thrills.

gloria34:
Dont bother yourself, all of them shouting love and understanding knows that no marriage will work without money. Make money, then find that someone who loves you or maybe you guys are already dating, make money then make it official. Like you said, he dont have to be a millionaire. I know a couple who both receive 50k each (they work in same firm) and they are managing well, let them sit there shouting love and understanding only

A man who goes by this advice may not make money till he is 50. Research has shown that as men age, their financial stability improves. Hence, are you suggesting that men should wait till they advance age wise before they get married.

lilwetdick:
your logic is fluid..so i shouldn't write about what I don't know, if I don't know I wouldn't be writing this at first..it is like telling someone not to speak at all, I am sure you don't own my freedom of speech and expression so I can write whatever I want.

you can also tell this to social scientists and economist, they shouldn't speculate or budget for the future because we don't know the future

Fair point. On the other hand, you ain’t yet married. Though your post seems valid. I’m hoping to do a write up on how young men can pick their wives. I have noticed that young men do not really get great advice from elderly ones on how to pick their wives.

emerged01:
I find this article very funny. So I should cut off my beard because of some dirty guys with dirty beards or some jealousy dudes with no beard. We all cant be woman.

Or some shaving stick company with an agenda - don’t forget that.

itu404:
You know what for any one to succeed in a country infested with haters like you he/she has to do his thing and look above your pigs heads. what is bad with that song? if you were born of a father like her would you even go to school? those who hates and pulled down others can never rise themselves. maybe that is why she went to Ghana to team up. While she continue to excel remain there trying to pull down .

She is not excelling in music and disc jockeying let’s say the truth. She is known because her father is a billionaire. She didn’t sing the song and it appears like she was featured rather than her owing it. She didn’t partake in the chorus or verse. She only did the bridge.

If she likes music so much, let her get a music company and promote other talented artists. For now I know she is young, experimenting and trying to find her space. Also, I think she hangs around the wrong crowd too. She should try this out for long. Many musicians sing because they want to make a living and have a good life. She already has that.

She wants to start laundering money for politicians so they are building her resume

enemyofprogress:
Rubbish, the children no even fine sef

Go born your own Mek we see

We should remember she only handled the bridge. She wasn’t on the chorus or verses. How do we call it her song except she financed it.

Whoever is advising this lady should quit that job role. If she likes music so much, get a record label and start artist development.

AreaFada2:
How does this song belong to her. Na others sing the song. She was just mentioning "be my lover".

With her money, she should just promote talented musicians and produce music.

Was just thinking the same thing too. I had to listen because of her tweet yesterday. By all standard, this song is below par. I think she likes the camera and wants to be famous. In my opinion, she is still confused. There is enough capital and goodwill she can tap into. She only needs to get down to work hard to become successful. Fame will come later. However, she should quit music, dick jockey, traveling and partying.

If she must do music, let her be behind the camera and own the business. She is not creative enough.

Ha this man no naija visitation for you till after 10 years. Even 10 years set no be guaranty.

Not bad. Once a child starts acting like an adult and wants to grow quicker, then treat the child like an adult

Ask him to mention their names. He would wait till next election to give us another figure. In 2019, if a government is still blaming its predecessors who left 4 years ago, then that government has no direction

No address - how will you serve her. Stunt

afroxyz:
my brother the matter tire me

I told people that Buhari will not do anything for the next 4 years. Nigerians do not appreciate time. We are going to waste 8 years. I don’t hate Buhari - never. The man never wanted to run, he was forced to run. The man only wanted one term to setup his family, he was forced to take another term.

Why - because his associates want to enrich themselves. Let’s stop the pretense about corruption. There is widespread corruption still on-going in Aso Rock.

afroxyz:
hiw can people live poverty and enjoy being tied in chains? Omotola is well to do than most people bashing her. She could relocate or face her business and decide to be mute. Her children don't school here, yet she is speaking for those who cant even pay school fees and one idiot that is not sure if there would be enough change left from his salary after paying transport fare to work is bashing her? I'm trying to understand the workings of this kind of mind.

So why did majority of Nigerians decide to return Buhari back to power? A man that threw Nigeria into recession twice. During military and civilian rule. Was the recession and the hunger not sufficient enough to elect someone with better knowledge of the economy to become president.

Next level hunger is still wearing track suit

afroxyz:
judging from the comments here, I'm really afraid for this nation. A celeb decides to speak up. The same people she is speaking up for are castigating her that she talks too much. Some are even saying she should not cross paths with them. Others have accused her of seeking attention or hoping for a largesse from government. The same people she is speaking for. I don't know what we want for ourselves in this country. We prefer them showing us boobs and cars rather than adding anything of substance.

Oga have you not been informed that Nigerians like poverty.

Baawaa:
You too pay your taxes,simple

For Buhari to give to his village people abi - Mbanu!

Buhari administration is creating a dangerous and unhealthy narrative. That those who criticize the government are looters, criminals and money launderers.

Corrosiveman:
The Cabals would hunt Omotola down soon.......

For saying the truth! Nigeria is a sad state

Sholaco:
Oby, u r the most foolish woman without dignity, bastard, we all see how u deceived your gullible followers and finally chickened out of the election in the die minute, you craved their support and went ahead to opened an account (go fund me) you took all the money without building a campaign office,no single structure to name after your party, useless idiot here you are again chucking your wide mouth into people views and opinions.....mumu see your head like man own

Criticize but don’t insult. Remember she is a mother, a wife, a senior citizen, a formal diplomat, a formal presidential candidate. If you cannot respect her for all these, you should because she is also human.

I don’t think we need to blame the President so much. The signs and footprints were everywhere. It’s without doubt the president is trying to do his best. However, his best is a million miles away. The president and his team cannot give what they don’t have. They do not know how to eradicate poverty.

If I want to be upset, I will channel it to the electorate who after all the signs even from 1984, still decided to re-elect the President.

You reap what you sow. Nigerians this is the time to reap.

Pojomojo:
If omosexy was one of those artists depending on Govt patronage, she can never speak up. Those who depend on government for their source of income or business cannot speak the truth in today’s Nigeria. Neither can those afraid of going to jail. Full blown tyranny.
If your children aren't better than you, you have failed as a parent. If your students aren't better than you, you have failed as a teacher and if the leaders are not better than the citizens, the leaders have failed!

I think you mean if the citizens ain’t better than their leaders.

Ignorance and craze mentality is affecting a lot of Nigerians. The police should implement the anti-jungle justice legislation

NaijaCelebrity:
The Economic and Financial Crimes Commission, EFCC, Lagos Zonal office, has arrested seven suspected Internet fraudsters for offences bordering on conspiracy, possession of fraudulent documents, attempt to obtain money under false pretences and obtaining money under false pretences.

The suspects-Abdulsalam Toheeb, Salam Sikiru, Abdusalam Rasaq, Azeez Oladimeji, Eniola Mogaji, Alabi Ridwan and Asoroti Oluwaseun were arrested at the Eleganza Estate and Paradise Estate along Lekki/ Ajah area of Lagos, following intelligence report received by the Commission about their activities.

Items recovered from the suspected Internet fraudsters at the point of arrest include: two cars (Honda Crosstour and Toyota Camry) seven laptops and six phones.

The suspects will soon be charged to court as soon as investigations are concluded.



Source: http://www.ngg.ng/2019/04/15/efcc-arrests-seven-suspected-internet-fraudsters/

Investigation is yet to be concluded, but EFCC wants accolades. If there is lack of evidence to prosecute the case what happens

This is not good for Okocha’s reputation. He should have addressed this quicker. Tax evasion is a crime.