₦airaland Forum

solmusdesigns:




No wonder Buhari rushed to marry his daughters off to his Ally's kids before some herdsmen with cow and juju corner them


.

Hahahahahahaha!

Rosebloom:
They are getting ready to be married but he said he would not for the sake of her job be in a long distance marriage.

I am sorry, I do not like the tone of the husband to be.

He sounds like he is doing the girl a favor and very uncommitted to the union.

He doesn't want a long distance marriage (fair), he doesn't want a housewife (fair).

What is he doing to ensure it works out?

Babe is currently working at Warri: have they discussed she can get a transfer to Abuja? If yes, what are the prerequisites?

If no, what is the plan? When do they plan to get married? Is he actively looking for a job at Abuja? Is her line such that she can do stuff on her own? Is he working towards that?

What is he doing to ensure that things wok out for them apart from telling the lady what he wants/doesn't want?

Is he interested in the future career/ plans of the lady or is he the type of 'I don't want a liability' husband so his goal is an earning wife and not a wife growing in something worthwhile?

I think the lady has to ascertain he is marriage worthy or he is fit to give her the kind of marriage she wants before thinking of moving or transferring to meet him.

These are pointers to the kind of husband he would be.

Except she is a 'man na man, all men are the same' type of lady.

Amazinggirl95:
Pls guys explain to me reasons why a husband will leave his wife when she has done him nothing?

If the wife is 100% sure she has done nothing wrong, she should engage him and be prayerful.

If no solution, let him go.

You cannot hold someone who doesn't want to be held.

Sorry to the wife.

Rosebloom:
This lady recently got a federal job in Delta and met a guy who resides in Abuja .
He proposed and they had agreed she'll work for at least two years while they try long distance.

After they had been in the relationship for a while the guy told her while he agrees to the arrangement he'll retract his end of the bargain if the long distance interferes(he was basically saying he doesn't want long distance). Suggested rather she quit and come look for a job in Abuja or start a business.

Note that he also does not want a stay at home wife.

Move to Abuja as what? Wife? Fiancee? Girlfriend? Bedmate?

Oga has already told you he will retract his end of the bargain (what end: relationship/proposal) if thee distance interfers (which it will because it is a long distance).

Smart guy! Doesn't want to carry the guilt of a breakup so he gives you conditions like 'I will move on if water makes me wet' or 'if petrol makes my car move' or 'if air makes my balloon float'.

You better te pa mose: if the relationship would be, it would.

If it won't, let it die a natural death.

Nice one Jane.

OkhaiAsein:
Please before you embark on this journey, make sure to tell your wife that you may change because of her consistent bad attitude. This is to make her know that she is the one bringing out the stained colour out of you.
Tell any of your friends you want to confide in about your plans and what you wish to achieve. Let them know and help keep an eye on your woman.
It is note worthy to remember that these disciplinary actions are for the good men, for men who are on their own, disciplined and therefore capable of impacting others.
If you are a liar, a cheat, a barterer, an infidel, a stingy husband and father, please, these actions are not for you because when karma decides to take its toll on you, you may not find the mouth to defend yourself.
Do not beat somebody's daughter for any reason, find out a way to handle her mess or send her parking. Lots of successful women today were once thrown out of their marital homes, they left and picked up the pieces of their lives. Fixed their hearts and started rising, some have risen higher than the men who threw them out.
Sometimes, some marriages cannot be fixed, no matter what you apply to it, it will keep breaking and quenching.
Do Not Be Offended
It's not anyone's intentions to break homes, we have healed, we are healing and we shall continue to heal. But some cases where chances of death is higher than that of healing, we find another alternative.
It is better to be divorced and be alive than to die or be widowed at a young age in a bid to remain married.

The bold is the koko before it becomes a case of good riddance to bad rubbish.

This thread operates on a principle of not encouraging your spouse's rubbish by withdrawing some privileges.

A book 'His needs/ Her needs' explains it very well.

usj:
Married men! be careful who you listen to. The Safest place to be is the home, The closest person to you should be your wife.

A couple is a team, together they conquer and grow as a unit. Fighter and hurting each other in the name of punishment is pure foolishness.

Op! One of the intentions of getting married is to build a home, not tearing it down by following those advise you have above.

The OP stated the thread is for a wife who would not change her bad behaviors after correction and pleas.

He also added a caveat that it would only work if the husband is good and responsible.

Leave aside if I agree with his methods or not:

It is the wife that has started running the marriage: the husband in his ways (right or wrong) wants the marriage back to status quo.

The idea is that the wife changes when her good husband start going through step 1 to 5.

baby124:
Very beautiful. Congratulations. Where those poor and wretched Sharia miscreants to come and cry about hijab

benjackugo:
First lady, Aisha Buhari shared stunning pre-wedding photos of her daughter, Hanan, in a series of posts on Instagram.

According to IgbereTV reports, Hanan Buhari is set to get married to her fiance, Turad Sha'aban, in the presidential villa, Abuja, today September 4.

See photos below.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CEttyU5MiFv/?igshid=qj4mne4b2j9f

Saw this picture on Instagram and was drooling.

How do Northern women look decent, elegant and feminine and yet look so so so good?

It must be something in the water they drink.

crackhaus:
Edible Catering

Toor.

This thread still feels very weird to me.

Kingsley2001:
Good afternoon.
I have been a guest for long, decided to create an account as I need the help of everyone.

I am a 19-yearold boy and I am currently in my third year in a federal university studying a 6-7-year course.
I recently lost my Dad who was a diligent civil servant and a very great Dad until his demise.
While he was on his deathbed, I was with him all through as school was on break and being the oldest too. We were at the hospital one night when he started entrusting me with some of his assets. He owned two accounts known to me and mother and we have exhausted all the money on him while he was very sick.
The night we talked which was few days to his death, he told me he won't survive the sickness and he asked me to accept it in good faith and that we should stop wasting our resources on him. The words were very heartbreaking but there was nothing I could do. That same night he told me of three thrifts he was involved in, his contributions totalled #675,000. He reiterated how we should not waste the money on his treatment as he was sure he won't make it.
I didn't tell mum of his instruction, we collected the money and we offset the bills needed for his other surgery and some other things.
My Dad although weak and frail still managed to express his anger and I tried letting him know it was impossible to watch him die without doing anything. After all said, done and spent, we lost him. A night before his final death, he told me four digits repeatedly but didn't tell me what they were for. This was on early December last year.
We accepted the loss in good faith and continued with our life. My mum on the other hand is a government teacher and I have two other siblings. One in her 100L while the last born is still looking for admission.
While we were at the hospital, my Dad gave me his purse a little bigger than the common ones and it has been with me since then.
Just this week, I just went through the purse and I found another ATM, out of curiosity I went to check the balance but the password was incorrect.
I tried the number he gave me and God so good it worked.
The balance shows; Savings- #1,238,006.84.
And Future: 18,244.30.
I was surprised at what I saw.
I ran home to tell mom about it and we agreed we would keep the money till I am done with school. She asked me to keep the card but I declined and asked her to keep it instead knowing how such money can influence me to make irrational decisions.
I also told her leaving the money there won't be of benefit to us as in years time the money would have lost its value.
I told her I will come up with a good business plan and she agreed. I have no idea the kind of business to venture into as my course in school is very time-demanding same with my junior sister's. And the last born is still young to handle business.
Please what business can I do with this money? That won't be wasted and will be flexible enough to manage with my academics. Mind you, I'm studying MBBS same with my sister too. And my mum is not good with business at all. Everyone of us knows.

Please help me and please no private messages, all advice should be posted on here.
Thanks.
Cc
Lalasticlala
Mynd44
Seun.

After moving the money, look for a solid investment (not ponzi schemes) and invest.

Research Agrictech investment and other investments where you can invest long term especially as you guys were not expecting the money.

kingsarch2000:
My dear, I'm just finding that out like you. If it her group, I'll assist her. Both money and work. It is good to see what people think of marriages. Because opinion differs truly.

I am really surprised.

Just how I expect my husband to play his part if I were to host my friends or any other event.

Imagine my husband saying he can't get drinks or help me clean or some other stuff because 'he does not feel like'.

This una 21st Century marriages, na wa.

ImaIma1:
Yeah it's something that some of us that like to cook and don't mind stress will do without flinching. But not all of us are cut out that way.

But it's actually extra stress to start cooking for and hosting over 20 men. He should understand that and not just try to dump it on her and make it her job

Whose job is it to host the husband's guests?

kingsarch2000:
God bless you. Your response is a relief. At least there hope for the nuclear family. Satan has been trying to destroy the nuclear family. From this post, I can see how bad it is. This is a simple problem. The wife is not doing the cooking alone. People responding, did not see that. But they started throwing insults at the man. So the husband can not ask his wife for help again? Thank you sister. Thank you. God bless you and your family.

Amen.

God bless you and your family too.

GODSENT252:
Another one. Close your eyes people,lets do this together.

Ooooooooooo lalasticlala, ooooooo ye lord of crawling creature,we bring yet another sacrifice to you on behalf of your humble daughter (omo butty) make it worthy in your presence and move it to the promise land. Oooooo lala. May we all remain safe in this ember months

merieam16:
shey na snake island una dey live cos all ur story must get snake inside


Anyways, congrats... more sticks to ur hands

Snake Island

More sticks to her hands..... AMEN

Mariangeles:
Most couples these days are more like flat mates who can do as they please.
No respect for marriage again.
Social media has made everything worse. Cheating nowadays is just a click away. Hmmm

Flat mates seems to have better relationship and bond than the couples of today.

lefulefu:
op said he doesnt know how to do any kitchen stuff..so it would be his wife stll shouldering all the responsibility in the kitchen.He should suggest to the men that they should tell their wives to help out his wife in the kitchen.if six more women would help it would make the job easier and besides we no even get the full story.Who buys the food and drinks the visitors would eat.does it comes out of the op's own purse? or is it op"s wife who buy all the foodstuff in the market with her own money to feed the men? If na the woman dey use her money to feed men dat her not related to her in anyway its enuf to make her resentful.Even though i am not in naija i know how things are tough right now in naija.he should pity his wife small and suggest to the men dat they should instruct their wives to help out in the kitchen.the women even ought to use their initiative to help out
Only one person to cook a hefty meal for a large company of men
only she go cut yam
only she go boil the yam
then pound
then do soup
the cut meat
then boil men
and after the men don drink then chop she wil now clean the sittingroom then wash the giangantic mountain of plates
osanobua
if na me i no gree host if dem go suggest my wife to such
make dem go report to pastor

OP said he pounded the yams the last time and would turn the semi now.

Prior to this thread, I never knew that hosting your husband's friends would cause such an issue.

Our view of marriage is obviously different.

Whatever works for everyone.

sparog:
You're so smart

Thanks.

MikeMicheal:
Looks more like mockery.

You need a mindset shift.

lefulefu:
its not an easy feat cooking for 20 hefty full grown men.even me dat is a guy knows how stressfull that can be.the amount of yam u will slice in the pot and the amount of soap u will cook.not to mention the cowmeat she go cut...haba u wan kill her? the way i know this is normally done is that the men who will come for the church picnic their wives will help out the host"s wife in the kitchen.during those xmas days wen i dey house lots of ppl will visit us and women will come to help out my.that the wives of these men just sit back while op"s wife does all the work in the kitchen shows they are heartless.if na me i will just tell dem i dont want to host anymore.if dem like make dem report me to pastor..i wont budge.

Nobody said it is easy however, as the wife of the home, she is their hostess.

The OP has offered to make the Semo and get someone to help her. All she needs to do is to go to the market and make the soup.

The other person would be on hand to help her serve and they can figure out how to clear the sink the next day.

The thread is strange to me: I don't know anyone around me (across different cultures and income levels) that would debate the wife's responsibility to host her husband's guests.

The level would now determine the kind of help they would employ to make it easier.

This event is once in two years: not once a month or once a week or daily.

Once in two years.

The fact that people think the wife has a 'choice' in the matter is baffling.

Everyone to their own world.

Brachaa:


Over rat?? Or is she suspecting it to be his side chick?

Haahahahahahahahaahaaha!

Warrisdis?

RightsToReject:
I'm good. Stay blessed, mama de mama.

Amen, thanks.

Stay blessed too.

Takotsubo:
You guys all benefitted from the sale of the house so everyone should be made to bring out that money. I'm surprised the cash wasn't given to Mama since she is still alive.

Another way is to cut down the other maintenance one million maybe by half and the others can take on her feeding.They are around her and won't let her starve.

When you say the extra expenditure will make things tight? How tight? If your husband thinks you have enough money for it, things may just not appear to him as bad as you say it is.

I once had similar dilemma but it was over a more serious decision and lots more cash.I knew if push had come to shove he would suggest the same for my family but I'd have found a way to manage it in a way that would not have impacted us as much.

It is very tempting to view this as him choosing his mum over his own family,infact when it was my turn, at the time,I questioned his loyalty to us (the kids and I) but I know the man I'm married to, to a good extent.

For your own sanity,don't let your mind stray too far. You know he loves you and the kids (I'm assuming so)but he also wants to do what he thinks is right.

I didn't argue much then ,because I felt it would seem like I didn't want a positive thing for my in-law.I had serious concerns that he would to ruin us financially but I kept them to myself as my strongly worded objections brought about a lot of angst.

Instead,I became vocally enthusiastic about this expenditure.

I was crying inside and cursing,but outwardly, I was sitting down with pen and paper, doing calculations,face scrunched up with worry, vocally searching for where "we" would "squeeze" the money out from and even offered up a good chunk of our savings.

Infact,I carried the spending on my head,making all the payments etc asking hubby how far constantly.

In the end,we paid huge sums,I also did a few strategic extras and became elevated to saintly status.

I'm not even particularly close to my in-laws neither am I a very nice person. They called from far and wide to thank me especially for the extras I did and I was oh so graceful and saying all thanks belong to the Almighty

This saga made me keep away a significant sum for our family as I felt that as good intentioned and lovely as my husband is,it's truly up to me to make sure we don't ever go broke. We run a joint account and I've always been in charge of our finances though.

I would stop talking about it negatively and get onboard if I were you.

Bring out that budget and all you both earn. Muster some enthusiasm if you can. Sit with him and see what he suggests.

Look at all your bills and cut down on the non essesntials,it will not last forever.
Let there be evidence of the things you are giving up for this to happen.


If it will drive you to debt,let him work the extra hours,he said he would, why stop him?

Support him while he does the heavy lifting and send him texts while he is at it,praising all his hard work , the good example he is setting for you guys while reminding him that this sacrifice you are all making as a family is for a good cause.

Offer to work extra even if you can't.
It's the thought behind it that counts .
If he takes you up on it, sorry,don't come for me.

Use this opportunity to buy yourself goodwill that will last a lifetime at least in the eyes and heart of your hubby.

I swear you would get away with practically anything a lot of times because excuses will be made for you due to your "good deeds".

There are many ways to skin a cat and still come out smelling of roses. Why give yourself unnecessary headache over this? To win in life,you must be strategic.


* This is all assuming your husband is normal and values you.
Sorry for the epistle

@bold:

LadyExcellency:
What is stressful about cooking you lazy generation? Is she the gas cooker or the grinders?

In this day and generation where you can contract one food condiments trader and tell her what to buy and do the grinding and slicing of vegetable for a penny.

Anyway, enjoy your lost generation

Sage161:

As much as I don't support public love making, it isn't right to treat them this way. They are adults for christ sake not little children. Africans are too quick to condemn people even when they secretly engage in such salacious acts.

@Bold,

I agree.

Next time, let them park in their compound and lock the gate

I hope he thought through his actions and ready to bear the consequences.

Whatever made him change it to his mother's first name must be 'worth it' to him.

Modified:

He changed his surname to his mother's first name because he is a feminist?

Signs.

It is a pity it flies over his head:

You changed your surname from your father's family name (to fight 'male superiority') to your mother's first name (to establish 'female superiority'). This means you don't want 'equality'; you want to strip men of the 'perceived power' they have and have it to yourself.

Not angry that A is bad; angry that you are not allowed to be bad like A.

Las las, una go dey alright.

Now, this a case of domestic violence.

The father should respect his daughter enough to correct her in ways that are not demeaning or a blow to her self esteem.

I am curious about his relationship with his wife.

Amumaigwe:
Thank God there are still mature and right thinking ladies on this forum. The danger here is that most childish, selfish and immature ladies join issues on matters bigger than their thinking as it were. Discerning OP's and other concerned readers should promptly spot and ignore such before adopting an advice that will be entirely counterproductive.

I hope so too.

Mariangeles:
Logical advice are only useful before the deed, after that it is useless.

Noted ma.

Can we sheath our swords so that emotional people can give the OP the much needed advises?

You guys have gotten here?

E kaa bo.

I saw people vibrating on Instagram: 'the Bible encourages patriarchy, religion hates women' bla bla.

While I do not agree the ONLY ingredient for a fruitful marriage is total submission from the wife, a wife has to submit to her husband.

Read the Bible yourselves, nobody can twist the Bible that way.

The topic can be also flipped to say 'husbands who do not live their wives are disobeying God.'

When Oga Cosmos who is a cheating mofo opens his mouth to talk about submission, open the passage that talks about adultery and how they would be going to hell.

When Oga Mufu wants to be abusive, open the place the Bible talks about a man caring for his wife as his own flesh.

When Tunde says obey, talk of sacrificial leadership and use Jesus himself as an example.

When Labaja screams respect, quote the passage about honor to wives.

If Chukwudi wants to be a selfish lover, read Songs of Solomon for him.

I bet most can't because they don't even know what is there. It is only to vibrate online.

My people perish for lack of knowledge - Hosea 4:6

RightsToReject:
Mama de mama, a true conscientious woman. I wonder why person no go treat you like a "goddess." LOL.

goddess treater, how are you?