₦airaland Forum

LewsTherin:
Even Jesus, whether you believe He is God, a god, a prophet, a great teacher, whichever, even Jesus said "the poor will always be with us"

Even in a poor remote village, there are still people there considered poor by others who themselves admit they are poor.

So should those who are poor not aspire to something? Anything? Should they not hope that by getting married they would be able to achieve....something? That something may not be clear, may not even make sense to you and I, but it is all they can hope for. Afterall, hope without which, men die.

Should they not aspire to getting....something, anything, in their state of despair and hopelessness? Even if only the love and companionship of yet another person who may just be as poor or even poorer than them?

Should they be denied the hope that maybe their children would be able to break the cycle of poverty they have found themselves in? And be kept from having children because they are poor and in a cycle of poverty?

To quote Gandalf, "even the wise cannot see all ends"

I have a question though. How "comfortable", how "stable", how much in earnings can be considered as enough to go ahead to get married and not be considered as too poor for marriage?

I think it is the recent lust for materialism and lack of contentment that makes people preach 'financial stability' before marriage.

While it is good to be 'financially stable', not everyone would be.

I think the goal should be to teach everyone financial responsibility, contentment and financial intelligence.

So that their N1 or N10 can go a long way.

And the need to have very few kids aka one or two.

What 'kills' most poor people is the number of kids they have.

I have seen comparable poor people and the number of kids (2 kids vs 5 kids) made a whole world of difference.

Happy birthday Frank Edwards and may God's grace will continually be with you.

Classic grass to grace story.

@Firstnebo:

I read the original thread that birthed this. While I disagree with some of his points, he made a lot of sense.

If you are poor, it makes no sense to continue in patterns that will make that poverty generational.

If you are born poor, then you need to have a plan to take you out of it.

Not taking your academics/handiwork seriously or frolicking with men/women is not part of it.

Keep your head down, figure out what you can do to break forth and work at it whilst praying for grace & mercy.

Also, if you get married in that state, more than one or two kids is gross irresponsibility except they are multiple births.

There is also the undeniable place of grace and favour which should find something blessable in your hands.

xynerise:
Maybe you start treating her like a maid

Abi or she heard somewhere that men love 'respect' and should be called sir.

I would be very weary if it is point two sha.

karlyx:
When your spouse stops calling you by your pet name and starts along you oga or sir

Ask her why and tell her you don't want it.

If you really don't.

chinchum:
There is nothing wrong with a poor man having lots of sex , as long as he has vision of improving his situation. What is utterly wrong is having sex to sire little innocent beings enmass in to poverty. It is not the amount of sex, the poor man have that is the problem, it is lack of family planning that is wrong.

Eggzactily.

And family planning in General Hospitals are free or at a token.

I would say get a source of income and keep the kids minimal to one or max max max two.

Thin resources spread over a child would work magic compared to spreading same thin resources over five children.

Microwhy:
Why?
The first line is true bro..
I wish my wife can understand me better.

How did she marry you in the first place?

Sixfeetbelle:
Let's do this.

Prior to writing this topic, I have been opportuned to view various writeups by other members who advise men not to date broke ladies or actually, ladies with entitlement mentality. And while the sagacious ones will pick the heart of the message and move on, the foolish ones will gather like crows to feast on the carcass, throwing insults and jabs like little boys that were denied treats at a Christmas party, thus picking nothing relevant from the post by the end of the day. I hope they know that It isn't the messenger's fault that comprehension is a difficult trait to acquire for some people.

Due to this behavioural menace, I have decided to tow a different path with my message today. Having said that, I'll like to reiterate for those hard of understanding that: Broke girls are cool to date but once she starts exhibiting entitlement mentality, end the relationship. To the ladies, I'll say this as well: Broke guys are cool to date but once he starts going on and on about prospects and dreams that look like castles in the air, please discard the relationship and move on. Since this thread is purposefully meant for the ladies, I'll give them reasons why I made that statement. Feel free to correct any mistakes you see and I'll rectify them. NB: Only corrections made without insults and/or jab will be considered.

[center]Characteristics of men without prospects[/center]

1) They are day dreamers: Inasmuch as I believe in struggling together with your man through his hard days, I always know human beings are fickle and loyalty isn't always rewarded. That said, some men who claim to be hustling are actually daydreamers who are too proud to work in the mud. They are hardly steady at any job, always dreaming and fantasising about the day they'll become millionaires or own a private jet or a mansion in banana island without actually making grand plans to achieve that. If care is not taken, it's very likely that he has changed jobs more than ten times in the past five years. While it's good to dream, it's best to have laid down plans that will connect your days of humble beginnings to your glorious future.

My take: Ladies, examine his prospects and see the viability of his dreams before making your decision.

2) They are charming: It always beats my imagination when I see visionless men get ladies so effortlessly. Then I realised the reason is because they're smooth talkers, as charming as a snake can be. I can't seem to understand the correlation between a passion for success and a need to swoon the ladies, and I believe that no man who is skillful in one will be that proficient in the other. While other men are hands and feet down in the mud striving to attain their future ambitions, his head and attention is buzzing like an antenna, waiting to pick up the next available lady, thus distracting him from achieving a single goal everytime.

My take: Ladies, take a good look at your relationship and recall how he wooed you. There are exceptions but a woman can always tell.

3) They are not loyal: Please, let's not dirty our minds and start imagining a cheating boyfriend, (although he may be one) rather, let's look at his life in general. He's never been in a position where his loyalty in life was tested. He's hardly the first child, thus never been in a position that makes him a core hustler. His siblings are doing much better than him, hence he may very likely live off of their crumbs. He's never had a successful relationship that ended due to health or tribal issues. They either ended due to his refusal to leave a job or his inability to keep one, more so the latter. It can be due to his inability to not avoid everything in skirt or his insecurity of the ladies' success as he'd be a trifle bit jealous of other's success as he can't seem to ever achieve his own. All in all, he's not one to trust to handle being the captain of the ship.

My take: Ladies, analyse him if you can and make your decision. But remember, dreamers who can't get what they want always end up jealous. He won't ever be that CEO he's always telling you about, not with the lackadaisical way he goes about it.

4) They are time wasters: This was supposed to be number one point, but the crows would have had a field day with my post if I did it that way. Anyway, men without prospects are invariably professional time wasters. No surprises there. And while their heart may be with you (they do know how to love greatly), they lack the wherewithal to do right by you in the appropriate time. Generally, they're never in a need to settle down or any of the other societal 'needs' that the rest of the population may desire because they lack the capacity to do so. Please do not confuse their inability to mean apathy. On the contrary, if they had their way, you'd be married to them before you can say Jack Robinson. However, their life will always be driven in whatever direction the wind takes them and when the dust finally settles, they'll find themselves approaching forty, with no reasonable evidence of their hustle in life and no lady by their side. Disclaimer: Not all men in that age gap were without prospects.

My take: Ladies, iron out your situation with him and see if you both can reach a compromise. If he won't accept outside help to start off your married life (highly unadvisable), drop him like hot coal. When he gets to 40, someone young will marry him.

Summary, ladies even as you strive to become independent, strong women, always weigh your options in every relationship you go into. Don't always sit and wait for the man to make his intentions known. Incite him to state his desires and see if they tally with yours. At the end, whoever you choose to date, always think of the future your children will have. Think of the children, sisters.

Thank you.

Very nice writeup.

What do you mean by strong, independent women?

A man that cannot sell his vision to his woman might have a hard time leading the home.

Swissheart:
My question is how come you were 27years on 04th July and you are 29years today? How are you growing?

Geometrically

Mgbadike80:
The bitter truth is that most Nigerian girls are hos so most of us would end up marrying a ho.No amount of streetwiseness would save us from that harsh reality.

What a grim reality

26 year old with a seperated 67 year old husband and 9 freezed embryos in SA.

Goodluck on her dream.

Modified:

Another thread claims dude is 64/63 and she froze her eggs after a successful IVF.

Never judge a story by its headlines.

Funny and I like how he generalized the sensitive ones like most talents, make most money and refuted the negative ones like most lazy.

Transgendered to a male or female?

Any which way, too bad, too sad.

Romangalactic:
Wow Bukatyne, you're a vibe. You get the message

Funny at 'I am a vibe'.

I always pray to avoid strawberry people and situations in my life.

God always give me a discerning spirit to decipher strawberry situations.

Amen.

A toxicity of a relationship is defined by the people in it.

What is toxic to A is non-toxic to B.

I do not understand the need for people to constantly prove themselves or why they invest so much emotions on what people say/think about them (perhaps except loved ones to a healthy degree).

I want to be alone? I stay alone.
I want to mingle? I do.
I want to stay on NL all day? I do.
I want to attend parties back to back? I do.
I want to read online novels all day? I do.
I want to write all day? I do.

In all of the above, would I consider loved ones and strike a bit of balance? Bend backwards to please them sometimes? Or mellow on my own to recharge if I need to?

YES.

But to write a thesis on how I am misunderstood or 40% like others in the world or wonder why I am different from party jumping and outing Shade?

Can't relate.

Like a brother said: I make my own rules.

Oldoinyolengai:
Even God told man to not eat that fruit

God told man not to eat strawberry or Apple?

In a serious note, the fruit was not named.

FaAbokiWithSuit:
The message is very deep. Nonetheless since you have to combine strawberry with other things to help it achieve importance...why not assist it ??

There is no harm in trying

@bold:

Very true.

I saw more than the sexual undertones.

I have seen people pick strawberries as jobs, spouses, choices and regretted it.

The OP also remind me of 'Lagos boys' aka Foworajas and the unfortunate women married to them.

Romangalactic:
Strawberries look and appear great, they have beautiful attractive looks, look fresh, look exotic, and appear larger than life.

This does not mean you should not eat them, but you will always be forced to combine them with something in order to give them a more satisfying taste in your mouth and this is stress.

Why can't a strawberry be more like a pineapple or orange? These ones don't appear so exotic, they look basic, look normal, yet their taste and aftertaste on your tongue leaves a lasting impression. You don't need to combine them with anything to appreciate their natural flavour


Please men, avoid strawberries. They come in many different shapes these days, they look so beautiful. Most of them can cook the best meals, can give you the best sex of your life but at the end of it all, na wahala you just buy for yourself.

Thank you.

Interestingly, I agree with the OP which also reinforces some important life lessons:

1. NOT ALL THAT GLITTERS IS GOLD
2. DO NOT JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER

Not only in relationships or marriage; extremely applicable in ALL areas of life.

Amb1045:
hope you have been in a relationship before. bro it's not Rossy. Even with all your best and honest life a lady will treat you like a piss of shit. I'm praying for you to meet a good woman, because the way you're sounding your heart has not been broken before

@bold:



That is the problem innit?

Many people who oppose the OP and others who write about ideal state of relationships are people whose hearts have been shattered once or continuously.

'Guard your heart with all diligence, out of it comes the issues of life.'

The passage above is so apt.

Give it a fresh start please.

SweetyMarvel00:
To you @Amb1042, I deliberately refused to talk about how far my dad was responsible to my late mum. Do you know you will never see my dad outside the house beyond 7:30-8pm? He has a police friend who always came to our house to make my dad go out with him for some beer or some party. My father's response, as I witnessed oneday, was "I have a family O. I have a wife." The police man is married and they are both agemates, in their 7os now.

Do you know that the police man, who retired as D.P.O, had a daughter from another woman and till today, the wife is not in good term with him.

I don't believe it has anything to do with this generation that, that generation this. Generalisation is evil. There were So many who were irresponsible and wayward in the past generation. Most of the atrocities they committed in their relationships/marriages will shock you. On this generation too, they abound. There are also responsible girls and boys too.

Do you that today, seeing my dad always around in the evening at home is playing a big role in my life, even at 25, 400 level law student. You will never see me outside my off campus room beyond 8:pm. What the hell will I be doing outside? So do you think that by the time i get married, i will be going out for parties or bear palour and then return home around 11pm or 1am and then have a very bitter, angry wife crying and staring at me? No! I am not saying that everybody going out in the night are going out for wrong reasons, but the point is: upbringing shape our lives. The present generation are the ones who shape the future generation a lot and I like the way my parents did it. Dad mostly showed us example, he was not the talking type.

So we must fight all these defaulted belief systems ravaging our continent.

A round of applause.

UjuJoan2:
If you truly believe in witchcraft, and that people can use it to stop the progress of their family members, then why are you even sympathetic to child witches? Or you don't think they exist?

For me I think that even if a person is a witch, it's your duty as family to pray for their deliverance not to cast them aside. Nothing justifies that.

@bold: you really don't believe this right?

UjuJoan2:
Sometimes I feel so evil when I find it difficult to forgive my husband for some little things.

I see people whose husbanbs have cast side, openly cheated on, insulted and belittled . . . And they forgive them and continue playing the dutiful wife and showing him love. God knows I don't have it in me.

Now everyone expects this woman to just forgive this charade of an apology. Can you imagine the way she will be condemned if she refuses to forgive and let go?

The man abandoned her for no just cause, and now he's making a spectacle of himself and her, and expects her to just forgive and forget.

For me the bottom-line is love. I value myself too much to waste my love on a man who wouldn't love me back and adore me. I'll rather stay single!

I guess that makes me ungodly and a bad Christian.

@bold:



As a Christian, if you want forgiveness from God, you NEED to forgive whoever offended you. And forgive them 70 * 7 in a day. If you are struggling with unforgiveness/ bitterness, pray about it.

That aside, we mix up forgiveness with sweeping things under the carpet.

Forgiveness is compulsory, going back might not be necessary although we all want mercy.

Forgiveness is also not taught from a scriptural angle, it is taught from the cultural angle hence wives are more 'pressured to forgive than husbands'. Forgiveness is not gender biased.

Even if the wife in the video wanted to continue the marriage // (while you can separate if an unbelieving spouse initiated it, i don't know if you can remarry), she ought to have engaging discussions with the man.

Where did things go wrong? When did they stop to communicate? What about his Christian values? Is he born again? Has he seen the light because the pastor said so or because he has realized his wrongs? What happens if same scenario plays out tomorrow? Etc.

Then they draw out a plan/family board.

I don't even think the wives forgive in the true sense: they are just bugged down and continue the marriages without properly going through the steps of reconciliation growing into bitter women.

IMAliyu:
I can relate with some of this.

I respect my dad and he did indeed provide for the family which I am thankful for, but I can't say to this day that I've ever had a simple conversation with him.
Quite the prideful and distant person.
So prideful in fact that he wouldn't let my mom work, even when going through financial troubles.

If (God forbid) he were to pass away tomorrow, I don't think I would be emotionally bothered by it, nor will I remember him as much.

This is something I wouldn't want for my own children, should I have any in the future.

I'd like my children to be able to have conversations with me and have positive memories of me when I pass away.

God bless you o jare.

We need to update Social Studies text book with all the 'fathers toil day and night, mothers are at home' posts I am seeing all over this thread.

Wives don't work same hours with these fathers? Abi there is a special closing time for men and women?

If we talk of hustling jobs, women don't also stay long hours in the market or cooking?

Yet they manage to know what is going on on their kids' lives. They manage to impact training to the kids.

Fathers, go the extra mile and learn intentional parenting if you don't do so.

And the men wonder why they are easily replaceable once the mothers start earning well enough.

When your presence and absence is same thing once someone else can provide the cash.

TonyeBarcanista:
Papa wey de toil night and day for family to move forward na who you expect to play video game? Na wa for you o

How do you expect him to emotionally invest in his kids? I am very sure most fathers spend time with kids whenever they are at home no matter how little the time is.

Abeg, make una spare all these sissy crap

Mothers don't toil day and night?

I give it to we mothers: not because I am a woman or blindly supporting women here.

They are very intentional. A single mother would toil to feed her kids and strive to be there for them emotionally (whether teaching them right or wrong).

There Is NO excuse for a father NOT to be emotionally invested in his children.

NONE.

To the Oloshos and anti-Oloshos gang:

Nicki Minaj is a celebrity and one of the top women in her field. Her affluence and influence makes her 'above' typical expectations. She is not an example to prove the point of any camp; she is an exception.

So are other celebrities male & female.

Ishilove:
This is what our Nigerian sisters will see and start copying like zombies.

You'all are just savage on this thread.

Pro-Africans, anti-Africans, Pro- Nicki, anti-Nicki etc.

Congratulations to Nicki, pregnancy looks good on her.

ModelX:
Aunty you're losing your touch o. No more accolades.
How does this bleached out face plus ponmo lips equal beauty? Why even bring beauty into the conversation in the first place?

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.