₦airaland Forum

Is CodedHits a sister company of CodedRuns?

Ramudeter eku ojo 3 o!

crackkhaus:
I doubt the guy even watched the video till the end.

She hasn't worked for about two months now, her rent is $2000 a month, yet it's the $1200 palliative from the government which is really more like a loan that she will start sharing for hungry relatives.

And why should she do this?
Because givers never lack

The guy would do well in opening a 'Nigerian' church.

I won't even call it poverty, I call it greed and covetousness.

A relative shared some stuff for a widow living beside her house. The widow came back to ask for 'money for meat' because her children cannot eat without meat.

The Bible talks of the 'eater' and the 'sower'.

Nigerians are generally eaters.

Black tax

And if you dig deep, 90% of the people calling this woman would use that money to do stuff she can't afford to.

'I heard they paid you $1,200.00 so send us some'.

So insensitive.

Johntemmy:
givers never lack and there's joy in giving but gives what you can afford not by going extra miles to please others or you displease yourself in other to make others Happy nay.

Na them.

Givers never lack

emmaodet:
Hmmmmmmm
Capslocked
These are some of the things my parent use when i don't give them enough from what they demanded.
We are only 3 boys in my family and am the first born.
After graduating and luckily got a job, parent my mum in particular placed a lot of burden and expectations on me.
I roofed there house, furnished it and they moved in. After that demand upon demand upon demand from me.
Gave my uncle who is her junior brother 1m to travel out after mum pestered me, gave her my first car (nissan pathfinder) after pressuring family to give it to her, co-sponsored my junior brother to duabi with 500k - now he is working in a company there earning about 250k per month, sponsored another of her family to dubai again late last year.
The most annoying of all is our last born. She told me he wants to go to Europe and i will need to support with 1m from the 4m he needs while others too will raise money. Told her this venture is not feasible because i know others won't drop any money and i can only give 500k that is comfortable for me. Now she said due to inflation and naira devaluation at black market, we will be needing 5m against the initial 4m and she plans selling my land of 1.5m while i still drop 500k making 2m in total.
My wife sparked that enough is enough. Wetin, kilode, se a man so eran meran ki ikan kan ikan pa ni - why would we tie two rams together while one kills the other. Oko o kin je ti baba ti omo ko ma ni ala - No matter the family bond, there should always be a demarcation between a father's land and his son. Never you merge it together.
Funny enough, i had the intention of selling the land several times before but my mum insisted i shouldn't sell it but build it but now that she needs money, the land can be sold.
Whenever i say No to there financial requests, she will start shouting and crying that she knows how she suffered on us, what she went through to train us, hiw she collected loans and cooperatives to make sure we become somebody in life but now that it is time for us to pay back, for her to sit down and start eating the fruits of her labour, we are always complaining.
That if we are considerate, even before she ask for A, we should have provided A B C because of her sacrifice on us, all this she will be saying after calling family meeting on my head with church pastors to mediate on it.
I can't even count the numbers of time pastors and family members have come to mediate on these issues.
Funny enough, it's not as if she is doing bad. She is a headmistress in govt. school earning about 170k per month and with the new minimum wage, she should earn 200k while dad retired as VP in secondary school and taking pension of 70k.
Our 3rd born is on my monthly pay of 20k per month yet always complaining that she is not enjoying me again especially since i got married, that i hardly give lump sum of maybe 100/200k unlike now that i always grumble before giving 20k.
I am really tired Capslocked. Really tired.
I'm working but i hardly buy clothes for myself or use good car or furnished my apartment to taste.
It has always been responsibilities upon responsibilities.

Woaw!

You need to think of yourself and immediate family.

These things don't really end well and people will keep blackmailing you as long as you let them to.

MMotimo:
Mba, I no dey do but threads like this are along the same line so he who has ears should listen.

During this 1 month lockdown, for anyone that has had to beg and/or lie to feed their kids, this is the wake up call you’ve been waiting for that you are not doing well financially and need to stop/suspend having more kids.

How does a girl who doesn't want sex camp in the house of a sexually active young man and make out with him regularly?

Some things will never make sense to me.

Who did this to this generation of women?

Women ran no-sex courtship successfully with sexually active men by creating boundaries.

What you will not eat, you don't smell it.

Simple as ABC.

sassysure:
He is very emotional that's why I feel for him else, he would have corrected this long ago.


Compatibility is important in marriage.

Compatibility and compromise is indeed important.

Acme45:
if he's your brother you will advice him to die there

The advise I give people here are the same I would give to my family under similar situations.

I am just be more empathetic doing something to make the decision easier or more achievable.

I don't just give baseless advices.

andyanders:
Bukatyne, that is life 4 everyone. No two perfect people and if it's not working out, one got to take a walk. It's not by force.

If it is not working out, I like both parties to dig deep to see how to turn things are especially when the 'bad' partner was always like that.

nams77:
I always like your position. Unbiased. Another lady up there is saying the man should continue to bear until he drops dead abi?
I always advocate hearing both side of the story though
I have come to discover that when a woman is in the wrong, women in this forum tend to gloss over the issue and tell the man to suck it up, but if the reverse is the case, they will bare their fangs and go on the attack!
Cc bukatyne

I don't understand what my moniker is doing in your post.

MSEdLAW:
EMOTIONAL ABUSE is a formidable ground for divorce ... emotional abuse is deadlier than domestic abuse don’t be deceived ... Sticks and stones may break ones bones but Ill-words and attitude is a silent painful killer that destroys ones heart!!!

I agree with you that emotional abuse can be deadly and withers someone's spirit which was why I gave him advice to maintain his spirit.

This thread is still on page 1?

andyanders:
You nailed it here. Op too has got an attitude problem himself. Why complain about Birthday issue and when she got one and presented to him, he never appreciated it 'cus she didn't get it done when he wanted it.

Op, u knew her character b4 getting married. Try live with it since u don't fight each other . No 2 perfect people on the face of this earth.

@bold:

100%

candy2016:
Good evening NL how is the lockdown in our different areas. Please I need ur help if u know of any man at the age of 50 years and above who needs to settle down with a God fearing and caring woman please contact me on 09085553566 or 07030810434 someone so dear to me is available. No insults pls

Nobody real life around you or the person?

Queenmark:
They did not bring solution. If banks are not making income how will they pay salaries?

How can banks not make money this period?

People should always remember:

1. You are addressed according to your dressing or appearance;

2. Your carriage/ vibe you give off attract certain things to you.

If you feel addressed inappropriately or feel what you attract is not what you deserve, check yourself.

noakchukibadan:
Hmmmmm, I have done most things, for 8 years , I do not think she has apologized more than 3 times on any issue. Like I said I have prayed, and fasted. I have cried, and begged.

Stop crying and begging for starters.

You are giving her 'the ammunition' to toy with your emotions more.

noakchukibadan:
Hello,
Please no ethnic banters. One of us is from Ekiti, and the other is from Benue. I am married for 8 years with 2 kids. It has been one problem to another. I m I iust be very frank, before marriage, my wife had many very questionable characters, but unfortunately we did the marriage counseling in a church were the pastor happened to be her family member,many of the issues would have been resolved, but when I raised those issues about her character the pastor promised me that everything will be fine after the marriage, although this is not an excuse, but looking back now I would have been more patient and taken my decision myself instead of rushing into the marriage. For this I HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE
There is hardly nothing we do not quarrel about, I have always been the one to initiate settlement. The only way I ensure that there is peace in the house is for me not to complain about anything. Even at that, there is always trouble. If the children does anything wrong, she always those characters the children are exhibiting are not from her and that she is not surprised that they inherited such characters from me.
She can go for months without we talking to me, even if I tried to, I have done all I could do, i have begged, cried prayed . I just feel tired and exhausted from trying to make the marriage work or have peace in the home, the sad part is that she often reminds me every time there is misunderstanding that I should remember that she can stay on her own without talking to any body. Just to add, she is very prayerful.

OTHER INFORMATION.
1. I can say conveniently that their is no money problem at home. Finance is okay.
2. I went to see her father 2 years ago the man said unfortunately he can not do anything . This is true because she was raised away from her Father, she has no contact with any of her fathers family and her father has a zero say in her life.
3. she has 5 elders ones, non of them is in communication with her because of many unresolved issues. Of her 3 younger ones she only maintains a relationship with the last boy who is just 14 years. .
4. Her mum can not talk to her because she simply dare not. However, behind, her mother use to beg me and she kept saying she understands her daughter's character and that she is doing her best by praying and doing deliverance for her.
5. She is not in contact with her maternal uncles and aunt because she said they supported her elder ones when she had problem with them.

So I am stuck with no one to help call the both of us and resolve the issue.

Every year for 5 straight years , she always forgets my birthday, last year, she forgot also, three days later, she bought me a present and I refused to collect the present and I asked her why does she keep forgetting my birthday, year after year for 5 years. She just said sorry, but I left the present in the room, she never came bother to bring the present to me. Another birthday was gone yesterday 2nd May , and as I write, no happy birthday yet.

I literally cook for myself, and all domestic things I do for myself.

I will end this by saying that in fairness to her, her character was not too different before the marriage and courtship, sincerely only once, that was like one year before the marriage I broke up with her, she came to apologize and promised that she will change. Her mother also came to apologize to me also.
This woman has refused to change or allow peace to hold sway, she is right every time, while everybody around is wrong. Sincerely, I do not know what to do anymore.
I am tired and exhausted. I do not know what to do anymore. I am 42, I was diagnosed of her blood pressure 2 years ago.

You realize that the error is all yours for not choosing well.

For that, you are half way there.

You mentioned that you married in the Church: brother you know that except adultery and I will say abuse, you can't divorce your wife.

You have tried counseling, reporting her to family etc. etc. and it has not worked.

Now, I want you to try changing your reaction to her attitude. You have been married long enough to 'predict' her actions/inactions.

She forgot your birthday, fine. Celebrate yourself. Go out with the kids, go out with your friends etc.

She tries to keep malice, apologize and move on.

I know it is hard, it is abnormal even however you need to build a shield in your heart so that her attitude doesn't get to you anymore.

Don't beg or cajole her to 'change' or 'be better' or whatever: you are telling her that she has power over you.

Thank God finances are not a thing: treat your self, go on vacations, do the certifications or courses you wanted to. Channel your emotions into the things you have always wanted to do, pick up new hobbies, go to gym and workout youf frustrations etc.

And prayers work: if not for her to change, for you to be whole mentally and emotionally.

It is well.

Zara20:
thanks dear, is there no way i use my fone to do it bc i don't ve laptop

Copy directly from here to what'sapp.

You might explore breaking the message in two parts do it easier to read.

4thFreedom:
I appreciate your response, but they are just kids, 7 and 10 years old respectively.
They refused to drink garri and I have done my best to make them to.
It's well.
God won't put us to shame.

Continue to teach the contentment.

It is well.

GboyegaD:
The guy isn't going g to have fun if the wife needs be so careful around him. I don't know if I want to blame it on not too good an upbringing or just a self esteem issue because marriage doesn't mean one should coarse the other party. Whilst I agree as a man he needs to show direction which sometimes might classify him as a Nigerian husband however, on most things one should relax.

Brother, you are shutting the door after the horse has bolted.

Showing direction or leadership is not what classifies as a 'Nigerian' husband.

It is a lack of.

vandp:
I do not believe that everyone who thinks differently has high self-esteem.

True.

Heiterkeit:
You mean that anyone who thinks differently has high self-esteem?

No.

But give me anyone who can think for him/herself and can defend it anytime any day.

OkpanachiMax:
Treating sexual immorality in general in which fornication(premarital sex), adultery(extra-marital sex), masturbation, pornography etc are included.

Human sexuality is so explicit and complex that we need to deal with it from within. Indecent dressing live on the street and on social media is the greatest influence of these things.

Also the evolution of adult film industry sealed the fate of mankind. Man for instance was created with a constant sexual feeling, this sexual feeling is low when there is no erotic image and high when there is, so in order to suppress this feeling, we need to minimize our activities on social media, we need to sensitize the female to dress decently if not we will all rot in hell with our religious sentimentality because 95% of youths are guilty of this.

NB: It is not easy to preach what you are guilty of if you have a strong conscience

Feel free to add your own contributions

By encouraging godly marriages where both spouses perform their duties.

That is the major remedy to adultery/fornication.

Plut01:
It depends on how you build your house.
My wife will not try that shit. Marital sack letter will land on her table.

Any reasonable man should never tolerate Emotional indiscipline.

Marital sack letter

crackkhaus:
- You don't visit him on your own without his invitation
- He wants you to visit everyday of the week, probably to do nothing else but have sex.
- The money you need is to buy stuff for his own kitchen.

See, break up with this guy and dey your dey.

You will marry him once he shows you ring, then come on Nairaland after 5years to tell people how he changed after marriage.

I was responding to the initial post and erased it.

Toor.

Nairaland will be available in 5 years.

Well ask Aunty Silica crying due to loneliness viz a viz Aunty Rukewe using her make to cover her bruises.

Truth is when you are single, you can hope for the best. When you have made your choice and it turns out to be bone, the person is in hell.

Even if you leave, the scars are there.

I hope I have been able to convince you that when it comes to marriage, sometimes, none is better than half.

You get mind o!

No level headed local man you can find love with?

So you really really know what you are getting.

Goodluck.

Alexaonfleek:
Thanks @ bukatyne for this interesting thread.
Just took my time and went through it, including the comments.
I totally agree with your thoughts on this and the bestie part.
The only problem is to get the diff between a serious minded guy and the one who wants to take you for a ride and dump you.

I mentioned you on Rozz's thread about early marriage.

I can't type twice, no vex.