₦airaland Forum

RisenPhoenix:
I don't really see anything that can be done. It's just another price both parents have to pay for having children. And to add even more salt to the wound, at that point, the woman would have gotten to the stage where she sees sex as a chore anyway, so she is even less likely to be creative and satisfy her husband in other ways.

And adultery starts.

Omar09:
Lol... I don't believe in it anyway. It's all about compatibility. Nothing more nothing less.

Ok and Goodluck.

kunleweb:
Playing the sisters card. Was it not the same. Comment I made that we both had back and forth was claimed sexist by your sisters upon their comments you're now playing the sexist card too, something we both left the bus stop over 5 hours ago. Smh. Human beings sha. So predictable

@bold:

What is sister's card? What is sexist card?

Do you know the comment(s) I am referring to?

Bewiseedet:
Money conquers all.

Money ke?

When Luis was 14yrs when they met.

More love and life to them.

franchasng:
Yes of course, and mostly after their desired/preferred men who are better off financially have blanked them or kept them waiting for eternity, they had to borrow sense and go for the available instead of waiting and fantasizing about the desired that is out of their reach

If you say so.

Even if the people met in their teens or married in their early 20s.

And you have become a make moniker again.

The magic of Christmas.

kunleweb:
Sorry, I don't do gender fights. Thks

I responded directly to the post I quoted.

You guys are the ones that started the fights that was why I did not answer Crackhaus' question as regards my husband chasing me.

You guys stared ruining the thread at that point.

crackhaus:
Lol, Buka Buka..

As you don involve God for the matter, you must also know that the spirit of God is not partial. If God was indeed involved and spiritually led a man to choose a soulmate, then there would absolutely be no need for him to chase that lady in futility, or 'extra' as you put it.
Do you know why? Because God would have also ministered to the woman and made it known to her beforehand that the man is indeed her man, and she will as a matter of fact be 'easy' (for lack of a better word) to succumb.

The chase, extra chase, excessive chase is NOT the will of God, Allah, or Sango, or of a man, or even of Satan.
It is only in a woman's interest to be chased, begged, cajoled, and wooed excessively - It certainly provides some sense of worth and importance I imagine.

It does not work that way.

It is also possible that the lady the guy is shown is not his standard and he fights it for a while.

Sometimes, it is the lady that is shown the man and she has to subtly convince him to meet her.

Even for relationships where God leads them to their spouses, they still need to work at it.

There is just a certain assurance that your efforts are not in vain and some issues will not crop up.

sassysure:
And we continue having fake relationships tied to financial gains only.

Gives fake fulfilment and illusion.

Men still feel lonely after "buying" their women.
More adultery, more anger and lashing out.
Lots of void screaming to be filled.

Absolutely on point.

Omar09:
I like the way you put it. But I have stopped believing in soulmate stuff. I think it's teenagers who are still learning the strings of relationships.

Ok.

Which is why it is good to search for your soul mate early before the cynicism in relationships due to several meaningless empty ones.

kunleweb:
I agree with your line of reasoning, but you're overly reading meanings that weren't conveyed. Never in any part of his posts did I see all these.


Rejection is normal. Trust me we men know. Until full financial stability is attained, a man is doomed to continous rejection. I only wondered how women like Mrs. Ameachi got married to a broke ordinary English graduate at this time, or Mrs Thorpido from here or Goodluck, who later became president. I wonder what those women saw to choose to settle for broker dudes

As if broke dudes don't marry every Saturday

A lot if women senseless chase money, yes.

Still, a lot of women marry men they love and whom loved them every Saturday.

Rich, average, poor or outright jobless.

Daviddson:
I was shocked when I came across a highly intellectual northerner's stance on this yesterday. He said hope the people who have been looking up to Saudi Arabia as a religious beacon can now see they too can "gbagaun"

This guy is currently doing his PhD in UK and he's very read and social.

An open-minded/ coachable farmer at Ilu Fiditi will make a better husband than a close-minded PhD holder from Toronto.

Raalsalghul:

There is God's will in marriage.

Take it or leave it.

Omar09:
I don't approve of the bolded. Why would you go extra to pursue a lady? It is a bad idea. Yes women love the chase and any man they get in the chase usually are not worth it to them. I prefer being unpredictable. She resists you move on and let her wallow in the thoughts of if you'd come chasing again or not.

If you are someone spiritual enough to be led to a lady, then you would chase her extra.

If you feel that there are plenty fishes in the sea and you can point and kill, no need wasting a lot of time.

I believe in soul mates and that one person perfect for you. Most people rely on God to lead them to the person. Picking your soul mate from 3 billion people is an herculean task.

Of course, you can marry others and the marriage will be OK.

healthserve:
How generous of you. Broken isn't the word but damaged. These conditions that brings them into such conditions includes bad upbringing/family values brought about by family's upbringing/society/media or complete negligence. Having been in many relationships where ladies despised good treatment, it took me a while to conduct critical examination to understand what was happening.


One of such triggers that morphs these ladies to be the Narcissistic personality they transformed to is upbringing/negative expectations placed on relations that they would marry abusive partners so they tend to build and develop very toxic personalities even before relationships forms. So when these relationships develop they have toxic-expectancy and from an overly developed defense system they expect fight backs in their relationships and when it doesn't occurs, as a result of meeting good mannered men they become troubled and unsettled because they've conditioned themselves, albeit even unaware before the relationship came to being.


I consider these ladies ( not bashing females o, its just the reality) to become bored with good treatment, case study Sampson and Delilah. Hence while these women will/can become attracted to good men because of their laurels or some other good attributes the sustainability of such relationships involves a change in psyche (that is if they become aware to their toxic mannerisms) or for such women to be the ones who choose their partners.

My advice to men is not to choose women as women are fast becoming alpha/masculine thesedays, to go for the woman that chooses them, and not the one that chooses the woman. Because the longer term objective in relationships relies on the emotional stability, choice and resolve of the woman, as all these factors impacts massively on her emotional ( and other) investments in the companionship. Hence many woman will be doomed by their own fate to abusive partners



I went through hell to realize its a woman that owns a relationship not the man.



Cc Ubunja Harddon Martinez39 JonnySpute

All these game theories only work for people with low self-esteem on both divides.

Which is why I wish more ladies read all these game threads so they understand some things.

I believe a man should woo a woman, cultivate deep friendship with her before introducing sex.

Know her, know her value system, know what makes her tick, observe her etc.

crackhaus:
Lol, Buka trust me, most men know what indifference really implies.

Playing hard-to-get while maintaining a 'friendly' persona with a man interested in you, is not indifference.
Indifference would be complete disregard for the guy.

Spot the difference.

I agree the two scenarios are different. Friendliness is key.

Well, I was wooed last about 14yrs back so I don't understand this new school things.

uninspired07:
Enough in myself like how? Are mad men or agberos on the street of Lagos not enough in themselves? Do we all accord them respect?

The belief that undergirds your submissions is that a man must chase, give attention & be willing to face the vagaries unprotected whatsoever. You just like the feeling of having the power to treat men however you like while they are chasing you & some of us are not for that.

We prefer to face the chase with some dignity.

That’s where we differ in our beliefs

And how does uninspired07 respect or lack of affect the agbero at Oshodi?

How does it affect MC Oluomo sending his kids abroad for educational tourism?

Bros, if you continue to base your worth on what people think about you, you never start.

Most people have bigger problems than yours and don't care about you.

Conduct yoursdlf in a respectful manner and anyone who doesn't comply, shame on them.

Treat men anyhow because I believe men should do the chase

cococandy:
And only happens to the women who let it happen.

Very true.

Which is why I tell women to choose their men well.

uninspired07:
I dont mean to spar with you but I think you just want men to face the vagaries of the chasing phase. It’s not all men that are that patient to chase, call and beg for a woman’s attention.

Some just prefer mutual attraction or knowing that their money is the attraction.

@bold, no vex, na night school I go.

Yes, I think men should do the chasing respectfully of course.

And you might need to chase some girls harder than others.

I however do not believe in chasing for eternity or trying to buy your way into the girl's heart through gifts.

Even if you are mutually attracted, you will still chase her aka woo her aka ask her out.

Maybe it is this generation of asking girls to come over on what'sapp that is spoiling things.

uninspired07:
So what? I should wait & bear the insults?

No. I rather face the insults with defence of my own, it will make me take a punch to the chin better.

Maybe my self esteem is tied to money, i didn’t know that’s low self esteem.

Which insults?

@bold, it is.

You would be proud of your accomplishments however, you must believe you are enough in yourself.

That uninspired07 stripped bare is sufficient. Obviously, you would work to deck yourself with whatever you deem fit: (financial stability, academic qualifications, etc.)

healthserve:
I went through hell and back before I realize some ladies were doomed for abusive partners as good mannered partners would be destroyed by them, hence fated conferred upon them abusive, wicked partners. It was upon this discovery I learnt not to overly criticise abusive husbands

Which is why I ALWAYS talk about the instigator and the perpetrator.

I have seen women dump nice guys (he is too gentle, he is too nice) to meet jagudas and abusive men (emotionally & physically).

I think the women are broken sha.

fykes:
That u don't see it, doesn't mean it's not there. U only see what ur eyes want to see.
And dude, that "everybody is doing it " line is a gross deception. There are lots of men and women out there holding it up and together in this immoral and sodden world.
Better believe it

The fact that someone is afraid to chart his/her own course because everyone is doing it is a huge sign of low self-esteem.

cococandy:
Okay.

Modified.

Note that no one is asking you to desist from seeking financial freedom. That’s important for both man and woman (even children ) . However, there’s a more fulfilling thing to be experienced for having a man who has more than money to offer. And this is coming from a woman. Unless you as a man have dated both a poor man and rich man and decided for yourself which one is better. Listen to the women. we are the ones dating these men.

You can make money, it’s wonderful. but also build yourself and your personality please. Otherwise you’ll just be a moneybag that will become irrelevant once the woman starts getting her own money .

The smart ones ensures that never happens. What hold would they have over the woman?

fykes:
I learnt dat mistake via a bitter lesson,
Four years ago, I had everything a young man will want, a good job I loved, a house, a car and married to d love of my life and expecting a child.
Then my pregnant wife died. And I was lonely and bitter and angry and couldn't work. Then I got involved with a single mom just to have a semblance of that dream life I had, and that's how I opened the doors for the devil in my life.
Thank God I got out after 2 years and had to face the grief I was running from, dealt with myself and got straight again with life instead of chasing fantasies.
But two years is long enough to do damages...
Grief and loneliness can be terrible, but we just need toaccept and deal with it than seek other relationships

Sorry about your loss.

fykes:
If u have lived long enough u will notice that no matter how a person is, someone of d opposite sex must like and want them. Begging is a sign of weakness, women hate weakness in men.
Politeness is a virtue, virtues can't be wrong. Finally, a man's worth is not "intricately" connected to his economic value. That's a lie and an inadequate human view that breeds all d vices and monstrous attitudes we see in men today.
A man's value is in d depth of his convictions and the strength of his character.
A girl may not see this line of thought, a woman will definitely do and it's more than age- the difference between a girl and a woman.

Frameable quote

uninspired07:
Yes, I am speaking with Nigerian women in mind.

Of course my approach will differ if dealing with non Nigerian girls.

Thanks.

Hahahahahahaha

You are cracking me up!

Goodluck once again.

crackhaus:
What would begging for the time and attention of women be a sign of?

I haven't told him to beg now, have I?

Begging for women's attention which is different from begging for a woman's attention and fleeing at the first sign of indifference are two sides of same coin:

Low self-esteem

healthserve:
It means, there are ladies when] ou treat respectfully will consider you weak, and if you notice this, make sure you don't overlook it as they don't make good partners for the longterm. These kinds want relationships filled with abuse and drama and won't make healthy relationship companions. Trust me I've been there, there are woman that don't want smooth sailing relationships

Very very very very very true.

I wish every Nigerian man seeking a mate frames this in a corner of their minds.

Some women don't want respectful men.

uninspired07:
I rather seek refuge in money than “seeking” for women who are not motivated by money—because they do not exist in Nigeria.

Thanks all the same.

Hahahaha!

Goodluck my brother.

uninspired07:
Hmmmm. I find partial pleasure in my work and reading but I can’t lie, I get lonely sometimes & need the feminine touch. I am not gay. I am just not ready to beg for one. The feeling has to be mutual.

My problem now is that I will feel more confident entering into a relationship with power of my own(money) due to my experience being a Nigerian. I am not ready or willing to enter into a relationship without money because my ego will now allow me face the consequence of that.

@bold:

I change the 'may have low self-esteem' to you have low self-esteem.

You only have money to offer in a woman. I would advise you stick to a poor one without vision or a woman who only needs money in a man.

Trust me, if you deviate from these women and pick a woman looking for substance in a man, you would both be frustrated.

She doesn't need your money and need things money cannot provide because she has her own and/or doesn't care for material things.

This is a sisterly advise and you are lucky; this is Nigeria where a number of women only need/want money without substance.

uninspired07:
A man’s convictions & strength of character in Nigeria?

I rather stick to believe that a man’a value is tied to his economic value .

Well, Goodluck to you.

You will certainly attract the kind of women you deserve.

uninspired07:
I was actually waiting for this. Why should I grovel before women when I know the eventual outcome?

Why don’t I bide my time & wait to be ready for a mutually respectful & rewarding relationship?

I have seen so many guys get hurt by trying to beg women. It simply doesn’t work.

You said when you sense a whiff of disinterest or indifference, you flee to protect your ego.

That was why I highlighted that statement and responded to it.

Nobody has talked about groveling before a woman to make her accept you nor do I buy the idea of using gifts to woo a woman except you are looking for an elebi.

If you think immediately you ask a woman out, she must say yes, then you must have an overbloated sense of yourself which is pride or a mask to cover your perceived inadequacies which is low self-esteem.

If you want a lady, be ready to invest your time in wooing her and if she insists no, you can move on.

Sometimes, you need to go extra to pursue a lady especially if you are the type that believes in God's perfect will for marriage.

uninspired07:
I find it hard exercising patience with, indulging or begging a woman. Once I sense a whiff of indifference or disinterest by a woman, I flee to protect my ego . It’s been eons I last asked a woman out and I get lonely at times, but I am used to my single state.

I firmly believe that a man’s value is inextricably tied to his economic worth so I don’t even bother to chase the opposite sex as I tried to when I was younger. This has discouraged me from initiating a chase as I think it won’t be worth it in the end as it will all end up with the money issue. Am I on the right path or do I try to temper my approach a bit?

Edit: I have been indoctrinated into the money first mentality, but the money is not there yet.

Might be a sign of low self esteem.