It's a pity that social media has destroyed a lot of things because miolike ija Lori social media.mo like ija face to face,ija tanma yoeshesirawon.kinshey ija ori social media.iyen okin dun wo.kanipe won fix date,Kan Face Ara won man to man,ma mope won serious.ere omode re.
Lordswazz: I was listening to a midnight relationship radio programme recently that encourages people to air their relationship problems for possible solution. One man called that his wife have been denying him sex severally after childbirth. Not long after, about 6-7 other men called and said they were also having the same problem ...sex is regular and exciting before childbirth and then thereafter,once the woman gives birth, she just goes off sexually. They have to beg endlessly and pet till thy kingdom come, and even at that, the sex is like once a month or once in two months.
Even the host of the programme who is a lady with kids couldn't profer any viable solution except "sit your wife down and talk to her", and lots of the callers said they've done everything under the sun, yet she's still frigid. It happens to a lot of women, and no, they are mostly not cheating.
My take, which is unpopular and might seem controversial is that, if she's a good woman, keep showing her love. Take care of her and the kids, but seek sexual satisfaction elsewhere. If sex starts being a chore every time, and you have to bottle your libido for weeks unend, then it's not worth it. It should be spontaneous, it should be fun.
Any man worth his salt can easily get sex. Just keep your woman if that's the only shortcoming and show her care and love, but don't suffer for it. Get sexual satisfaction elsewhere.
This is not a solution and defeats the one of the purpose of marriage: which is to prevent fornication/adultery.
I think we need to research harder if partners can be divorced when they shy away from their sexual duties in marriage when all other means to resolve the issue is unfruitful.
Instead of somebody letting me to commit constant sin with dire consequences.
Tomorrow, they will create countless threads about materialistic babes yet
No wonder they are always looking for submission.
Seems lots of them don't have healthy self esteem so they hide under money to cover that up.
During my spinsterhood, oh my, our guys have serious ego issue. They will offer money, keep offering more money. The only thing they know how to do is offer money. Remove the money and relate with them one on one equally, u will get no substance. Zilch. Bullock.
Katier00: there is more to every story. Op painted himself as a saint here. Do you carry your wife along during love making or are you the open your legs let me enter man. How do you treat her? Yes you provide upkeep but what about respect? Is she your partner or just sex mate. There is no excuse for cheating. It is wrong in every ramifications. So don't crate a crack on the wall of your home
I believe in working towards solutions and not using problems to solve problems.
Let's assume the man is a selfish lover who is fine once he ejaculated,
Has she tried talking to him? Sharing sex books with him? Showing him what she wants? Or riding him and standing up halfway with 'this is how you make me feel'?
Is locking shop the answer?
Ditto if he doesn't treat her well.
Imagine the husband stops providing upkeep money because she doesn't cook well.
There is no excuse for cheating however, if he does, the wife would partake of the sin.
portune: What should I do about this. I am gainfully employed. Gives her 60k for house upkeep. I buy bulk thinks like yam , rice, oil tomato etc. She locks shop on me always. I need ur thoughts on this pls.
Always giving excuses. At night, Am tired. In d morning, go work abeg others have left and making money and it here looking for who to ram.
Even few moments I press her to it she will insult me sotee we my prick falls down
I wonder why you are mixing issues up.
Even if you are jobless, it is the duty of your wife to satisfy you sexually and vice versa.
What you give her or don't give her absolutely has nothing to do with it.
When did the locking of shop start? How long have you been married? How many kids do you have?
marvel2011: I am married for about twenty years now and we are blessed with three boys. My dad died without leaving anything for me except a family house which inhabit a lot of family members both immediate and extended members. I was saddled when my wife asked me to sale the only land I bought in other to buy a car. Though, we had three cars before, they all spoilt because of maintenance culture and now she wants the only piece of land I bought to be sold for a car. I told her, it's impossible and that the land remind for my kids. She said, a car is equally important to have as a family. Imagine the silly advise from my wife. Please I'm I on the right direction?[color=#006600][/color]
OP sorry o!
How did you get this wife?
There are three spoilt cars, she did not think that you should sell one or two of them as scrap to repair the one in the best condition.
She advised you to sell your one asset for a liability that would soon join the other three on the ground?
I had to check your profile so see you are not trolling.
That thread was primarily intended to use the Truth of Jesus Words to disprove the idea being sold by the world in the name of "safe sex", that someone who commits a sexual sin, let's say, adultery, using a condom could yet be truly safe.
But then a someone with the moniker @Prettyjanet1 pops up with this interesting question:
So that's obviously where I got the thread title from, and this was my answer to the question:
So married couples using condoms was not considered a sin to me then, and that corroborated my position on the Op of that thread that I wasn't against the use of condoms because I didn't believe that it was a bad thing.
But then came someone else with the moniker @Godsonjolly with the following question:
This was my response:
Then he said:
But his comment seemed to make some sense to me, hence my response:
Therefore his comment agreed with my inclination on the use of condoms amongst married couples, because I believe that God should have the last say on the amount of kids a couple should have, even though at the time I didn't consider it to be a sin if they did so.
However the difference in this case was that I somehow just found it hard to include the part that "it was not a sin to me" in the final post of my conversation with him, as I did in my response to the first question, even though I had initially typed it. So I just had to chop that part off before posting, because at that point, it just felt quite uncomfortable to include it, as it just didn't seem right.
So it seemed my initial position about married couples using condoms during sex not being a sin had began to experience a bit of a wobble.
And to add to that uncertainty, there was a development I had noticed after making that thread, and it was the word "condom" suddenly beginning to feature in my tongues. But I felt very uncomfortable with that for obvious reasons, even though I had just done a thread that had something to do with that, as I had expected to move on from that since I had accomplished what I intended with that thread. So the last thing I was expecting was for it to start showing up in my tongues.
But it was later when I began to say "condom na sirin" repeatedly in tongues, that the picture began to become clearer of what the message appeared to be, as it sounded like "condom na sin" in pidgin English.
I began to have the feeling that perhaps the Holy Spirit wasn't pleased with the impression I had given about the use of condoms on the Op of that thread, where I said that I wasn't against the use of condoms and didn't believe that it was a bad thing, so that i would correct it.
But it was when I came back to the thread and saw where I had categorically responded to @Prettyjanet1's question, and said that use of condoms by married couples wasn't a sin, and had followed my responses up til the final response I gave on that same matter, where I was no longer comfortable to say it was a sin as i had done initially, that it became much clearer to me what actually happened then, and what that had to do with my spoken tongues about condoms.
So I believe the message of the Spirit of God is that it is a sin in God's sight for marriage couples to use condoms, just as that brother @Godsonjolly had insinuated, to correct my initial response that it wasn't a sin.
And though I don't think it's a sin that could lead married couples to hell, I believe that God is not happy when married couples use condoms during sex, as it usurps Him of His right as the One who determines giving kids or not in a marriage.
This may have been one of the things that displeased God concerning Onan that made Him slay him as was suggested by @Godsonjolly, for in the Bible days there were no condoms, so child bearing among married couples was solely God's prerogative, therefore Onan may have also dishonored God by what he did.
This is not intended to frighten or judge married couples, however I believe that especially for christians, it's best to follow the examples given in the Bible where childbearing in marriage was usually attributed to God, and the amount of children was determined by Him, so that condoms would not take God's place in determining how many kids they have.
That would obviously require married couples completely trusting God concerning childbearing, but i believe the marriages of those do so surely shall surely reap the rewards of them placing such extent of trust in God, because God alone best knows how many children a married couple should have.
God bless.
All these legalistic Christians sef.
Putting yourself in chains worse than the pharesses.
What is the aim of condoms? To prevent pregnancy.
So it is a sin for a Christian couple to prevent pregnancy?
Cc: computergeek
When I said religious people turn me off, this is a prime example.
No wonder some people joke that to be a good Christian, you need to suspend your brain.
My father has never been responsible to us(my mother & her 4 children, I'm the third (all girls). Though he was never educated (but very exposed) giving excuses of how witches in his village never gave him the opportunity to get educated, my mother has been the bread winner of the family, though not educated but very hardworking unlike my father. ( my mother saw us through school).
Years later, my father came up with an accusation of my mother being initiated into witchcraft and that she is responsible for his inability to take care of his family( meanwhile my father has never been educated nor has a skill). This led to their divorce. (We really suffered due to this but I have to make this writing as short as possible). I was 10 when this happened ( in 2001) My father had so many rich women as girlfriends, due to his exposure until he finally got married to one.
My father later got married to a woman, who later took him to USA for about 9years ( they later divorced due to the fact that my father was a tough and stubborn man, and this woman too has d same attitude, so they never lasted due to this ( my mum is very gentle and that was why my dad took a tough one on her). My father could not get a job over there because he had no qualification/skill, so he had to return back to Nigeria. At this time he was already 62( years) (Don't forget since my childhood, my father was never responsible for our upbringing till now)
Ever since he returned, he was always telling people &us that our mother due to her witchcraft is responsible for his misfortune and that we her children must pay dearly.
This year around April I was preparing for introduction with my fiancee, my fiance,Pastors in my mums church,and other elders in my fathers family(despite the fact they were never there for us) around were giving advice that I must inform my father irrespective of his misdeed about my plans on marriage, making me see some importance of father's blessing towards marriage. ( I was feeling reluctant, wondering wat blessing could come out from a father that curses his children even on their birthdays) As soon as I took my fiancee to him, he said he will allow my fiancee marry me without stress and that he doesn't need to go through any introduction or wedding with me because he hates my mother, but he is willing to support only court wedding. ( I wept bitterly on hearing this, (he doesn't want an introduction/ wedding except court wedding)
Pastors of RCCG( My mothers church since) met with my dad several times to beg him but he gave an order that no body must represent him in his entire family and I mustn't have a wedding until my mother releases him to go back to USA to make it in life, I became frustrated, so I had to break up the relationship since my guy was also bent on fatherly blessing and that without it he can't get married to me. No one is willing to represent him in my fathers family.
How will I get married without introduction/ traditional marriage? When will my father make it in life ( without education/skill/ business)? I am approaching 30years, my 2 elder sisters are between ages of 32-35 unmarried ( how/when do I get married)? Yoruba People are really laying emphases on fatherly blessing ( how do I get it from such father)? My mum can't take decision because she is too gentle and fear what people may say of her since she is a minister in the church.
Nigerians please we need help.
First, count yourself lucky the first guy is gone.
Next, your father is ready to go to the court with you, fine.
When next you have someone, ask your dad for traditional requirements for marriage. If he does not bulge, go to the elders in your father's family.
Whatever they ask you to bring, fix a date, dress up, take your mother&siblings, husband & family and deliver it. If you are intent on a parte, have your reception somewhere close by.
As to the white, talk to your mum's church. They can do a church service at the reception venue (earlier that day) and you do your reception in a grand style or you enter house after the service.
Alternatively, you can take your pastors to the court and after court wedding, do a small service and invite people.
You can also tell the males in your mother's family to represent your dad.
There are many ways to bell a cat.
These are all the cultures and traditions Nigerian men bank on to misbehave knowing that somehow especially for the girl child, they will be required later.
"Words can’t explain how great you are You are wonderful, amazing,unique, incomparable, handsome, strong, kind hearted, generous, there are so many unique qualities you possess that I can’t explain.[color=#000000].[/color]... May God give you the strength to fulfill all your great ambitions in life Happy birthday my love ! @princenednwoko"
GOFRONT: Chaiii.....Uncle, Your girlfriend did nothing wrong by being uncomfortable with your Concubines......
Of all the passengers that flew same plane with you to Lagos, No guy men to assist your condition, but na two Oshere no be only one Oshere sef, two Oshere na im agree to help you out......
Forget say na your car your Gf drive and she zoomed off from you after d rift.... If na you meet say two able guyz surround ya Gf in da name of assistant, How far na??
Na from clap clap the thing go take enter Dance oh.....They say boy n girl nor dey do bestie bestie o.......
Please help me solve this, I want to know if I am wrong?
I have a girl friend that I have been dating for almost 2 years.
I traveled to abuja before I flew back to lagos, I inform my GF to use my car to pick me up @ the airport by 7pm.
I arrived lagos called her she picked and says she is on the way, then I called severally she didn't pick my calls, then exactly an hour waiting
at the airport she called me to notify me that she is in the airport and I also refused to pick, then she sent me message lying that the vehicle was
clamped (which I know is a lie) all of a sudden she drove past me and went to turn around for pick up, then she is already angry I also didn't pick
her call. By the time she parked, there was 2 ladies with me, we flew in together from ABUJA, it happens we going the same route in Lagos
they helped me out because i had an injury with my ankle so I couldn't walk properly. When she parked I was accusing her of lying about the vehicle been clamped, then I ordered the 2 ladies to enter the car, my GF insist she wont take them, and ordered the ladies to come down from the vehicle, then I also came down and join the ladies. and she angrily drove off. My GF called me several times I refused to pick her call. then she sent me a message that she is not my driver that Im trying to turn her to house girl. that I should come to her area to pick up my car.
I told her that I need to take a break from this baseless relationship that trust is zero respect is thrown out of the window and embarrassment is all i get.
Please my people Do I wrong her here?
You are right my friend.
If you had the tiniest iota of respect for your girlfriend, you would have called, texted or at worst told her when she appeared that you are given two girls who helped you a lift. And not order them into the car like she is your Uber driver. You even had the guts to accuse her of lying.
If your girl respected you, she would return your calls and not keep you waiting if she wasn't stuck in traffic. She would not have zoomed off since it is your car. She might have been gracious to give you all a lift or quietly drop your keys.
If those osho frees respected themselves, they would have offered to find their way when your quanta started with your girlfriend.
RisenPhoenix: Not only children need training. Incompetent, ignorant, untrained or ineffective adults also do.
As long as the husband bears the financial responsibility, he is the boss (read; HEAD OF THE FAMILY). And I have already stated before that some men too need to be trained, so your repetition is unnecessary. But while women need to be trained by their husbands where their parents have failed, men can never be trained by their wives. Men need other men to mentor them through marriage.
We are saying the same thing.
You know that this line of thought is what put you guys in trouble at the end.
Since financial responsibility is now the definition of headship and boss, don't whine when the woman becomes the boss when the man experiences financial down turn.
Anyways, Nigerian women are well suited to you Nigerian men: they only respect your money and treat you like trash as soon as it is gone.
JustMe407: Dear nairalanders, I need you honest advice on what to do. I am still a young man and any mistake now will have a grave effect on my future. So please, help a brother. No j
Be objective and consise please. It is a long narrative.
I have a girlfriend whom I have been dating for up to 10 months now. She has all the qualities of wife, friend and a partner. I mean, she prays for me, supports me and do many things that places her above average.
I've two issues that are bugging me;
First is, I just graduated from the University and started to follow the road map I designed for my life. I am hardworking, so I started doing business immediately after my defense. Interstate exports of perishables. While I was in school, I made a lot of money doing designs for students; I am a UI/UX designer. The problem here is that I can't account for all those monies I made. A lot of expenses especially for my girlfriend. Even till now, I am supposed to send her some money but will I continue like this? I need stability in my business and need to save more and need capital for the last mile logistics company I want to set up next year.
Second issue is; I recently returned from an event I attended in Lagos some days ago, I came back very late and was grossly tired. While we were chatting, she asked me some questions which I told her I was very tired and eventually, I slept off. My phone beside me till the next morning. Fast forward to yesterday, I told her of my intentions to concentrate more in building for the future - it doesn't mean our relationship would be off. She started asking questions like "do you need some space?" "Am I bugging you?" She also said I don't "speak her language enough" language here is bonding, intimacy and closure. I was surprised at her response.
I noticed she'd be online for a long time and won't reply me on time, so I asked her who she was chatting with and she replied someone. I ignored her. This morning she called, while we got talking I asked her about the person she was chatting with. She told me the guys name. And asked if I will forgive her of anything, I said yes. She now said, she was introduced to the guy and they got flirting from the day I came back from my journey and told her I was tired and needed to rest. Her excuse was that, I pushed her to and she just wanted someone to speak/talk to.
Now, my question is, Should I move on with my business and focus, or, should I continue with the relationship? I don't want to be with someone that gives up on me easily.
P.S I love her so much. And she does too. We've through a lot together.
Please moderators, help move this to front page for more contributions.
Honestly, I will never get it.
Your boyfriend supposedly ignores you.
Instead of you to ignore him back, bug him till her responds or leave him to respond to you, you start chatting up another man.
How does this solve the problem of your boyfriend jot responding to you.
@OP: decide if you want to be with someone who lacks basic problem solving skills.
You can give her a warning that you would not tolerate such next time.
Biglittlelois: 1. @ first emboldened, you do know how that sounds like don't you?
2. @second, how is a woman suppose to jump from selling garri overnight to being investment savvy if he doesn't guide her through the process same way he did for himself?
3. You know the problem with these set of guys who leave ladies that were with them through tough times? they don't just have the patience to bring her up to their desire, they want an immediate, at the moment, already available, tasteful lady that fit the criteria, of which, at the end, some regret that decision, while some stay with their choice no matter what, cos of the shame and embarrassment, they prefer to cry in their closet.
4. My advice for guys who has ladies that stood by them, build her up as you build yourself, it takes guts, love and endurance for a lady to stay that long, the best feeling in the world for any couple is knowing that whatever happens, if things becomes difficult in future, she'll always be there.
1. My second paragraph clarifies the first.
2. I did not say selling garri: I said soaking garri to swell.
3 & 4: A woman should develop herself as her man is developing herself so she is still of value everytime the man leans back to look at her.
It is not even a woman's thing: do you know how many men dumped after they train girls in school under the guise of 'they are not good enough'?
The Bible says: Love your neighbor as yourself. Not more, not less.
You love your man/woman enough to stick by them? Ensure you are also bring yourself up to speed to be at par with them when they emerge.
Some people are however wicked and go for someone they know would be fine with their low state and when they emerge, they discard the person and find their real 'spec'.
RisenPhoenix: Nothing. Just that stale old and unmarried feminists believe that it does not fit their ideology of the 'strong independent woman'; so they attack it in their crude, bitter way. Of course, being a housewife does give a woman many advantages. Here's a funny video about this...
Each generation idealizes the generation and think they have it far better or far worse.
The generation that wants to work do not consider the burn outs, tiredness from juggling a lot, facing a lot of pressures at work and still been expected to be the stabilizing force at home, attending meetings and children's open day at the same time, have time to hang out with friends while maintaining a 50hr work week, looking after the kids and bonding with hubby, being useful in church/mosque and been there for in-laws.
The generation that wants to stay at home forgets the brain drain, feeling of not achieving anything especially after school, husband's disrespectfulness (sadly a number of men tie earning to respect), the fear of depending on your husband hence accommodating his excesses, your in-laws maltreating you because they think you came to chop their brother's money, the fear of not having a choice if the marriage goes south etc.
I think we should all be self-aware and strive for whatever is balance to us.
Nettybrown: Many of us do things without considering if they are right or not. There is this friend of mine who visited his in-laws. Few hours after arriving, my friend over heard them arguing because the father in-law wanted real pounded yam as he was tired of poundo, but their house maid travelled the previous day for a burial. My friend knows his wife cant pound,so he called his wife and offered to assist. He told me this while we hanged out last night and its been bothering me. So my question is, IS THIS REALLY RIGHT? No insult pls.
I don't understand who did the pounding:
The wife (daughter of the family) or the man (SIL)?
In their culture, who traditionally pounds yam? Men or women?
Saintmary: I have two angles to the issue, one is extreme, the other is mild, therefore two sets of suggestions. This is the extreme angle: have you met with the brother before marriage to confirm if he is really the brother and not some boyfriend, when green card is involved, anything can happen. Are you even sure the kids are yours? With the rise of reported cases of parternal fraud, its best for you not to live in denial. Suggestion: dig around the brother's story. Find out what your wife does with him behind your back, conduct DNA test. Your wife probably wants to frustrate you out of the house.
The mild angle: Your wife is going through some personal changes. You need to allow her go through it, else, she will resent you. You need to ask her what she wants, tell her what you want, then you guys come to some agreement. Whatever you do, involve a lawyer.
I am very tempted to concur with your extreme angle.
They might really be siblings however having sex. Cersei and James paroles in GOT.
ocmarion: even though she is working now she doesn't want to contribute a cent , she still want me to pay all the fees and everything . we dont live in nigeria and the rent is monthly and expensive two , plus i have to pay the kids school fees every month as well she doesnt want to help in any of this because she sees is as my cross to carry .. i just don't want my kids to lack anything i can take good care of my kids without her i can even hire a nanny . but she wont leave and i cant continue living with someone who will be provoking me every time .... if i have to leave i might not be able to cater for all the needs of the house and the needs for the kids she is just stressing me out
No bi Obodo Naija you dey?
Hmmm.
Anyways, my last post still stands. Expecting your response.
ocmarion: the problem starts 2 years ago when her brother move close to where we live , her brother is 2 years older than me and he isnt married yet , he seems to know whats best for my home thats where the problem starts .. he has been talking to my wife to stop going to our church and be attending his own church because he supposed pastor is the only true man of God .. i kick against the idea and ever since then her whole family makes it to look as if i dont want her family around ...
This sounds strange.
All cannot be well and the brother comes from nowhere to start controlling things.
Maybe that is just the symptoms of the problem which I am sure goes way deeper.
Methinks the family has been trying to reach and uses the brother as an avenue. You didn't agree to switch churches, next ALL her family thinks you don't want them around.
What is the correlation between the church you attend (same/separate) and them coming to your house? Or does their church teach only vidists to fellow members?
You said your wife got a job recently. What was her attitude to job hunt prior to now? What was your attitude to her job search? Could it be she thinks her family more supportive of her quest hence the invitation to other churches?
From all you said, there is no serious reason to end the marriage so you have got to roll your sleeves and put in a lot of work to get your home back.
Before she got the job, was she responsible for taking care of the home domestically?
And what does she mean by she wants to live her life hence the separation.
What if this guy is a need, throughout out his youthful days, he spent his time reading. Got to the University, didn't chase girls, was so focused on his books, graduated with a good grade and at an early age.
After service, had high hopes of getting a decent job, searched, searched and couldn't find any. Even if he found, he found low paying jobs. When he got home frustrated, no one to talk to, no female voice to hear from, the pressures at home is too much, no place to relax or someone to relax with and just tell.him things will be fine.
Now, he's 29, his Finances haven't changed for the better, he's lonely and craves for a feminine touch, he's afraid he may die broke and lonely.
Statistically, he stands a better chance getting a lady than a job, so, he decides to go get a lady to make him happy, even if it's for a while.
Can we truly fault this guy sincerely?
Things are really bad in this country Bros. His Finances may never change and it shouldn't stop him from getting a shot at love, we all deserve someone.
Celebrities › Re: Hushpuppi Slams Timaya Over Celebrities That Wear Fake Outfits (video) by bukatyne(f): 10:13pm On Dec 22, 2019
