₦airaland Forum

postbox:
https://brandspurng.com/2019/12/30/the-apapa-oshodi-road-will-last-for-40-years-when-completed-dangote/

We have left vision 2020 to vision 2070

donbachi:
so cos she is ur wife,she must be morally 100% as human...as such must not have crazy friends/people around her...ur wife's friend chose how to live her own life,so don't let her friend's wayward lifestyle affect ur marriage...allow ur wife to be...unless na ur wife coordinate d whole stuff.then u have something to worry about..dat she knows of it does not make her an accomplice.

The fact she has crazy people around her doesn't mean she should encourage or be a party of their crazy lifestyle.

Izzyovercomer:
@ OP caution your wife amicably. Don't make issue out of it so that it won't degenerate into quarrel. T[b]ell her with lovely soft tones that she's above this, she is a mirror and a role model for her children and others. Tell her to gradually pull herself from that friend. Don't make it ultimatum, just let her know that she shouldn't be supporting an evil that she cannot take[/b].

Very well said.

Fillibuster:
I had to create a new moniker to post this.

I hate posting private issues but we all need a sounding board to check our ideas to prevent us from over reacting

I am married with a son. Like all homes we do have our ups and down.
This morning my wife received a call from a colleague. She (wife) works as a branch manager in a financial establishment. The call was from a subordinate. My wife was asking her if she remembered to tell her boyfriend to buy them the chicken.
I got interested in the conversation and i prodded my wife for more explanation and she said the said colleague is dating a married man who happens to live in my neighborhood.
I was shocked!
Her excuse was that the colleague was extremely obesed and had little or no chasers.
I just contained myself because i was already going out this morning to conclude a transaction.
But right within me, i am already bursting at the seams.

I don't want to say what's on my mind but i am shock that her morale compass is dead. How can she subtly encourage her friend to wreak another home? All because she is fat.

I want mature ladies and married men to weigh in on this issue. No immature stuff pls.
I am seated in my office trying to digest this info and my next line of action once i get home.
am i over-reacting?


Pls mod dont take this to front page.

Hmmmm!

Most Nigerians have no moral scruples as far as it doesn't affect them.

So she can encourage her friend to sleep with a married man and collect chicken till it is her own husband.

For your wife to tell you also means you have projected an image that you see nothing wrong in extra-martial affairs. Before you bite me, she MOST LIKELY will not tell her pastor or church sister that.

My advise:
When you get home, tell her you have been thinking of the call to her friend earlier today and ask how she would feel if she were to be the wife of the chicken buying man.

Then advise her that she should not encourage the relationship or be a party to it. While your wife cannot control her 'friend's' life and actions, she can show distaste for them.

For instance, your wife lets her know her changed stance on extra-marital affairs and have nothing to do with the man e.g. collecting his chicken

Again, I am also tempted to say 'show me your friend and I will tell you who you are.'

Nothing spoil YET.

AmeboBook:
Davido has taken his first daughter, Imade Adeleke, to Ghana as they continue to spend quality time together during the holidays. However, his baby mama Sophia Momodu made the trip as she was seen in photos sitting pretty on the private jet which raised many people's eyebrows. It's understood Chioma was still away in the UK taking care of baby Ifeanyi while Davido was out living his best life. This hasn't gone too well with the chef as she feels Davido disrespected her by taking Momodu along. She reacted via her Instagram Stories, "Relationship tip: Find someone who still knows how to talk to you when they are angry. Someone who respects you in all mind states."

This clearly indicates big trouble between Chioma and Davido.

Meanwhile, the Nigerian singer shared a video of himself with the President of Ghana, Nana Akufo-Addo and his wife, Rebecca.

https://www.amebobook.com/chioma-thinks-davido-disrespected-her-by-taking-baby-mama-sophia-momodu-to-ghana-for-afronation-experience-61129.html

Source: Amebo Book

Dear Chioma,

Relationship tips:
1. Engage Annie Idibia on coping mechanisms
2. Find someone who is sensible enough to keep things off social media.

This Chioma is funny o! She was fine wit Davido sleeping with other girls while they were together. Now she is frowning he is taking same girls on trips with their kids.

She should better face nursing Ifeanyi and wait for her turn again.

Flogging has always been effective.

However, we flog to replace training instead of instilling discipline.

After training a child and he/she strays from training, then correct in appropriate means (flogging, advice, physical punishments, withdrawal of some privileges) etc.

juiicii:
I married last year. My wife is a choleric just like myself.she is the type that will not tolerate mistakes from me, if i don't keep things in their position, then hell will let loose,she hardly 'respects' me, she behaves independently and when i threaten divorce, she will say i should do it fast, because of her attitude i hardly give her money, when she demands for money, i will ask her, what of your salary, she will tell me that its my responsibility to give her money for somethings irrespective of her personal earnings. Meanwhile she never brings any money on the table for the family upkeep, i foot the bills :rentage,food,nepa, etc. I stopped buying clothes, etc for her since she put up those attitudes that piss me off. Infact i just don't love her again, we argue a lot except i just lock myself up in one room which is my new method now. Pls experienced advice needed

Funny man.

You expect your wife to beg you when you threaten a divorce for a minor issue?

You both are jokers.

To business:

You have acknowledged that you both are chloeric meaning you would have similar weaknesses. It also means that the faults you are finding with her, she is experiencing same with you.

Treat peace and happiness in your marriage as a goal:

How do you achieve peace and happiness?

1. Engage (not shout, insult, be rude etc) her to list the qualities she likes about you, her grievances and what she would you like you to improve on. If there are misconceptions of your actions, you can clear the air.

2. Repeat step on for yourself i.e. You are giving her feedback

3. When either party is talking, you both should resist the urge to jump in or feel offended if good gestures does not seem appreciated. I can be using my head to break coconut and my husband prefers I use a hammer. While the former method is more tedious, it is not having the desired effect of pleasing my husband or making him happy.

4. Discuss areas of improvement and way forward. You both must also acknowledge that either party is perfect and be will to accommodate minor faults and lapses.

5. Also discuss areas where you do not agree together e.g. Money. What are your expectations? What kind of home do you want to run? What are the challenges and how do you tackle them? And avoid 'this is what my parents did and I must stick with it'. Fashion your own path.

6. She behaves independently? Can you shed more light on that?

juiicii:
The marriage is just one year and we 'hate each other', will it be possible for the old love we had before wedding to come back.pls if u know a similar case, share it here pls
Honestly i passively want the marriage to .....

You claim to love yourselves before getting married which means there is hope.

Hope the love is not going to cinema, bar beach and sex sha?

Acidosis:
If you have never been with a choleric, you won't understand o. Nothing anyone says here will change anything. Don't even waste your money on counseling. Cholerics vs. Choleric is a wrong match. You can never subdue a Choleric and one of the things you should never expect is submission. They may give you loyalty (those with high moral or spiritual standards) but they will never submit. To demand submission is to keep her in perpetual sadness and bitterness.

One of you must consciously make efforts to submit even in the slightest arguments. Cholerics are masters of argument and they love to win and have the last say whether they're right or not. By making a conscious effort, it simply means you must pretend all the time. Pretend she's winning even if the whole world knows she's wrong. That's how to make a choleric happy In public places, a choleric woman wouldn't hesitate to shut you down and ensure she dominates the conversation. It is that bad. It doesn't matter who's in the conversation, your father, your mother or anyone, they MUST take over. I don't envy you man!

The husband is also Chloeric so they are beds of a feather.

The parents should also sue him for getting born.

Out of the million sperms, he swam fastest; why him?

Why didn't he relent and let someone else do the job of fertilizing the eggs?

Anyways, first world problems. They are not struggling to survive so he has time for nonsense.

All these wailing threads must be trolling sha.

YungMillionaire:
I don't understand. Your girlfriend asked you if she could go out with her crush and you said yes? Did I read that correctly OR did you type it wrong?

Hahahahahahaha!

I wish ladies would really read these threads, understand how the mind of a modern Nigerian guy functions and use it to their advantage.

crackhaus:
Always.

I cannot abide a woman who constantly abuses and riles me up.
I will excuse it in a stranger and walk away because I don't owe them my emotions, but with my own partner, she will be given a reboot - just one slap... no more, no less.

My apology will come afterwards.

Hahahaha

You have the sequence ready:

Constant abuses - - - - - one slap - - - - - - - apologies (which includes & & &

On a serious note, I do not consider the resulting slap 'physical abuse'.

It is more of a keep quiet mechanism especially when the abuses dey enter body.

Maybe because I went to boarding house sha. You run your mouth too much, you chop slap.

If you are too big/strong, people will leave you till one day they will mass you.

When our seniors that are very wicked finish WAEC, we gather and mass them.

I insulted one senior like that and felt bad years later sha.

I had to repent of it.

P.S.: mass = joint beating.

Some peeps are too much to handle alone

ZIMDRILL:
a woman would also write the same story

compared between men and women

mostly women suffer in abusive marriage simple because they got no where to go

remember without knowing most african culture encourages marry young

just imagine a girl of 21 marries without and 10 years down the line she finally call it quit, she has threes kids and she only hold an "O level" certificate

society looks down on divorce and she has to start from zero to look after herself financially

This thread is about men na.

A lot of men are really suffering and they do not have help as much as women.

Even NGOs named abuse centers (without the women tag) would prioritize women and children.

In Nigeria, the face of domestic violence is still women.

Thegeneralqueen:
Nigerian men wants to always eat their cake and have it very useless set of beings

How?

crackhaus:
No one said there are no people living under the bondage of curses. Just don't sell the narrative that any of these curses are sanctioned or instituted on the authority of God.
This is blasphemous to Christian doctrine.

I never said or implied that curses are sanctioned by God

Although He through His prophets cursed sinners in the OT (another story)

My first post to the OP was to reverse it. It is not in her place to curse her husband no matter how he has hurt her.

Rigel95:
They constantly nag, abuse their men emotionally, frustrate them,rile them, until they reach their breaking point and snaps or do something silly. So they turn around to scream blue murder when such happens. Let me paint a scenario.

Growing up, we once had a family that moved into the next flat. At first they seemed like any normal happy family, until we hot close to them.

The woman was the type that would always want to have the last word in a discussion/argument. The man dared not enter the house any minute past 5:30pm, the woman would constantly nag him, oftentimes singing these Iyaaladukes insulting songs(Yoruba people would know) about irresponsible husbands. In fact, I lost count of how many times that man would come to stylishly collect garri from my mom under the pretense that they forgot to buy garri from town (we were living in a new site) while actually it was the wife's policy to deny him food anytime he comes home after 5:30pm, meanwhile you would never suspect that woman was like that, she was the perfect wife outside. We got to know from our friends (their kids) that it all started when the man lost his job at The Nigerian Steel rolling company ( even though the man was working in a sec. School in the meantime). Meanwhile, during that time, the man never raised his arms against the woman o.

Fast forward some months later, the man found a job in a multinational company, impregnated another woman and took custody of his three kids forcefully. Most people who didn't know the real situation of things then, were calling the man names for abandoning the woman who "stood by him through thick and thin" not knowing the man was virtually living in hell before.

Ever wonder why many men die quicker before their time? It's probably as a result of emotional abuse from their women.

Interesting story.

And you are right: women should stop emotionally abusing their men.

A number of people are usually 'angry' at these 'he/she dumped the people who stayed with them' when they made it because they are using the people.

Let's take your story as an example:

Your neighbor's wife emotionally abused her husband. However, the husband waited until he was 'rich' again before finding another sisi.

Perhaps if he left after he found it unbearable before getting his dream job, people would not carry face.

I am not judging him; I am just stating facts.

This is a lesson to people that the tide can turn overnight for good or bad.

crackhaus:
This is not something a faith-based Christian ought to type.

I am serious.

Blessings and curse need a platform to work.

Blessings even more so.

You know how many people who are delivered from curses every service?

Dameland:
She should give him a few days to calm down and go and make peace.This matter is not good enough reason to end her marriage as She has not decribed her husband as a perpetual wife beater

Hmmmmm.

healthserve:
Gbam. You will be surprised this could be projected by someone who wants her to leave so she can trap the man. Those who know Whatsup know how it goes down

True.

However, most of these entrapment work because the husband has stepped out in the first place.

MariaAngeles:
Let us assume she's certified "totally no fine", would that be reason enough to leave her physically and emotionally ?
I thought the institution of marriage was for better for worse ? If not, what is the point ?

Marriage is ideally 'for better for worse'.

Does not mean the parties in it will take their vows seriously.

That's why I said if the husband has not indicated interest to move on, she should try and make it work. And especially clear his mind about her family knowing about it prior.

Maybe the husband felt betrayed hence his lack of care when she needed him.

SwhtJesusbaby:
I got married in 2015. The problem started in 2016 when I had to resign from my job in Uyo and move in with my husband in Lagos. He most times won't sleep at home and blame it on his work. Sometimes I'll call more than two weeks and he won't pick up. Even while at home, he wants to be alone with his phone.

Going through his phone one day, I discovered he's been keeping affairs with lots of women, I also found out that he has a child before he met me of which his family members were not aware of. I had to inform his family members when he started maltreating me at home because of what I found out on his phone.

Just when I planned to leave the marriage in 2016, I became pregnant. I gave birth to my baby in 2017 and ever since then, it's been war. He'll leave home for several weeks without informing me where he is, if I call, he won't pick and any time I report him to his sister, she'll shout at me that I cannot endure.

I lived off my friends and relatives during the period I was nursing and sick and couldn't find a job. He won't provide for the baby and yet won't bother to call to know how we're fairing. If I call, he won't pick and when I complained to his people, I still get blamed.

This morning I got tired of everything, cried to God that he should make him deserted to the extent that even his seeds would flee from him. Told God that since he's decided to abandon me with his child, God should also abandon him when he needed him most. Even while he's alive, God should replace him in my life and my child's life.

I wouldn't know if my actions were wrong but since I made the prayers, my heart became hardened.

His seeds are your kids I presume?

Reverse the curses so they don't affect and your kids in future and move on.

crackhaus:
This nonsense is always too funny

It works.

Unfortunately, blessings don't work as fast or as potent.

niaralandtopuser:
can be retaken? you wanted to hook me up with a guy? I am no gay

Retaken after 13yrs plus?

No will do.

I will find another girl to hook you up with.

There is one user that is also nairaland something.

You two will be a good fit.

Waterview:
Hustle more hustle more hustle more.

This is the problem with Nigerians, we chase money a lot, that's why it'll be very hard to see a selfless politician, greediness has eaten deep into our system no thanks to our barbaric culture.
I made a mistake when I was in Sec. School which am still regretting till today; I couldn't find love in Sec school, it good to find somebody you'll love unconditionally (vice versa) at a very tender age.

Op you need to find someone now, it might be too late to see true love when you turns 30+, find someone that both of you will grow (in love) together.

Don't listen to the ones shouting hustle more above.

50k is not too small, at least you talking about relationship not marriage.

I don talk my own.

As in the hustle hustle like all they came to do is hustle

No living, just existing.

niaralandtopuser:
I am a guy. you should be hooking me and you up?

I have been taken years back.

niaralandtopuser:
you would have marry him?

Maybe.

Or should I hook you two up?

He might change his mind

emmy584:
I met this girl on facebook whom we both know each other not very much. We started chatting together for a while and things gradually started taking another dimension. We both fell in love with each other in a way that we can't stay without communicating with ourselves. As we all know, in every relationship there is bound to be a misunderstanding in one way or the other and ours wasn't different. There was a day as we were talking on phone, all of a sudden she became provoked and told me not to call her anymore and whenever I tried calling is either she busy the call or never picks. Her sudden attitude started affecting me emotionally because I fell deeply in love with her. On a good day, she finally picked and told me that we need to talk. These was when she told me that she has a boyfriend and I was for some minutes dumbfounded. She went further telling me that she really loves me and she doesn't want to hurt me that's why she couldn't bring it to her mind to tell me when we first met online. I asked her if she loves the other guy and she said yes she does. Please I need an advice on what to do because I truly love her and I don't want to lose her.

Just how she started loving you while she loves her current BF, she would start lobong someone else while still with you.

I want to assume you are trolling sha.

crackhaus:
Don't worry, we're all brothers and sisters.
Aren't we, sassysure?

Brother Crackhaus (BCS) and Sister Sassysure (SSE), you guys should hold your service outside my thread abeg

crackhaus:
Oh but you were a feminist before, staunch feminist advocate for that matter, and I quite remember hounding you all over the forum for a while back then

You may still be one now but I don't remember the last time you referred to yourself as one, neither do the other so-called feminists consider you a part of their pack anymore given how they always congregate like fleas in your threads to deal with a sell-out.

Pseudo feminism and SJW (Social Justice Warrior), imply the same thing in context - the context being that the title bearer is as fake as a 50,000naira Rolex...shiny surface but completely bronze underneath.

The contrast however is that while pseudo feminism describes a fake feminist who still lives under the financial disposition of a man/men, is still very servile and submissive to the man in her life, still considers hard work a man's forte, seeks to be respected just because she's a woman, prefers being treated softly and gently, etc, an SJW on the other hand, might be a true feminist in personal lifestyle, but she does not belong to any feminist group or organization, does not support/campaign for women causes outside the internet, has never attended a women rights workshop or campaign, the social media is her battleground for women activism - nothing happens outside this space in that respect.

Try guessing where your former NL comrades fall under

@bold:

Still a feminist

I can't remember when I defined myself as a Christian/Yoruba/Woman or anything else. Who really cares? If someone doesn't ask, why should I divulge?

The posters hounding my threads now are actually new except they are old posters with alternate monikers.

Strangely, all my topics have been somewhat similar on women, ladies and family life.

See definitions:

Eku se oluwa!

Okpa042:
I am not dating or courting any lady and I have no plans for any of that..for now

But I would not deny, it would be nice to have a nice lady friend to share personal moments with.

..and by personal moments, I mean sex

...and sex requires konji..

..and konji is what we are talking about

So oo..back to square one

Goodluck