₦airaland Forum

crackhaus:
Admit it, I'm right

You are late to the party

I have already stated it earlier.

Let me find it

Note the bold:

bukatyne:
So are we basing physical violence on force now? What if the guy was sick and his lady's hands made him slump and die? Would the court still consider the force? How do we know his life was not in danger? Haven't we seen women kill their men?

I agree with you that people should not ideally that laws into their hands. What I am saying in addition is that people should not verbally abuse others with the hope that the abused person would look at them and go to the nearest police station.

We are humans with emotions and blood flowing. We are not robots programmed with A, B and C. You constantly call a man with a large family a bastard, he might shake it off. You call a man abandoned in an orphanage/ denied by his father a bastard constantly and he will snap one day.

When we are tempted to verbally abuse people, let us put ourselves in the shoes of the other person and do the right thing. Not start the madness in the first place.

We are having this discussion because it is believed that women are the more verbally abusive so men should give them a pass, walk away, hit a wall, ignore bla bla bla.

Funnily, this doesn't even bode well for women rights movement and the right to be seen as equal as a man. If a woman sees herself as equal, she should be freaking ready to face the consequences of running her mouth. The man might ignore her, pick another lover, walk away (which some stupid women still jack their men till they receive a slap), or slap her back.

You cannot control people's reaction to verbal abuse.

Let us avoid it altogether or if you are verbally abuse and you receive a slap, take it as the repercussion of your verbal abuse and sort out your issues.

People brought out their phones to record instead of rescuing the man?

crackhaus:
Yea well, regarding your edit to 'people', surely you understand the context here is verbal abuse by an instigator who believes they will be safe from physical abuse...and guess which gender is guilty of this? Yes, women.

Hahahahahaha!

USAbabe:
Can you marry a guy that has two kids that his previous wife left

Na me wan marry abi na you wan marry?

Answer the question yourself na.

This should be investigated and if true, should be dealt with appropriately.

He should also be stripped of his VC mantle and his professorship.

He is not fit to be one.

Fountainofyouth:
No one is saying verbal abuse should be overlooked, in that thread, your opinion is that verbal, negative, untrue words and abuse should be overlooked forgetting the fact that some can hurt, and now you're saying verbal abuse breeds physical violence, which in a way is right according to you, my point is, why speaking from both sides of the mouth?

So if I call you a b!tch on NL now, you will trace my house and beat me up?

If I am a girl next door who sees you once a month and call you a slut, it will be same as when your boyfriend calls you slut every time you have a fracas?

And who said Verbal abuse -----> Physical abuse is right?

Whatever rocks your boat ma'am.

Ralpdee123:
Thanks @Bukatyne.....
Like I said, I meet at her during my finals approximately 7years..... She was already pregnant as I was leaving school... And we've been living together since then till date.....

The only thing that has remain constant is her inability to get something doing and her justification is that she's been praying for me all these years.....WTF...

I have always wanted to support her career in the best way I can but she is bereft of any. She'll rather argue with me.... My little cousin came to live with us and 3 years ago, now she's graduated from fashion school and can make cloths very well.... And my wife is yet to find anything to do.......

I share my aspirations with her to motivate and encourage her but this one no one move even if you push her......


I am a frustrated man I swear......

How can I help my kids.... Cos I will work away soon and never come back.....

Sorry for the frustration, I am sure it is hell when your spouse is not on the same page.

I have given my advise on the earlier post.

eyinjuege:
My advice to the unmarried ladies out there, shine your eyes o. Love is just a facade in majority of Nigerian men. You need to establish yourself, and have a plan for your own life.
Many of them don't even have a plan for theirs, so don't wait on any man to take you to the promised land. Marriage is filled with many unmet expectations. Only you can make the difference in your life.
If you want to be comfortable in life, don't wait for any man.
Move with the right people whether male or female, who are purposeful. Not as a sexual partner, because that only distracts you from the goal.
Don't give up your dream and passion over the whims of any man.
Learn to take responsibility for your own life and circumstance. Make your own decisions and own them.
When you die, and go to the afterlife, you will not be known as anyone's wife, mother or child. You will be known as YOU

I just read the title and stumbled on your post.

I 100% agree and support the bold.

Ladies need to open their eyes to avoid stories that touch. Unfortunately, they do not like to.

liberalchick:
The first part of the bolded falls under “sustained abuse”.

There you go!

Humans can walk away! If those that think they can’t win the physical battle can walk away then everyone can, so that’s no longer a justification. You walk away and if what you walked away from is a crime, report it.

This thread is about people walking away; people will always do.

The thread is about not encouraging verbal abuse in the first place.

crackhaus:
Knowledge of this fact is exactly why women who are devilishly manipulative take advantage of men by being verbally abusive, and then cry foul when they get their teeth kicked in.

Nothing worse than manipulative woman people, Belial has nothing on her them.

There is a movie 'Disturbed'. by Fredrick Leonard and Kiki Omeilli

When you watch it the first time, you will think the guy is evil till you get to the end.

If it was real, the husband would have gone mad.

liberalchick:
“Violence is the use of physical force to
Injure, abuse or damage”

Bukatyne, you’ve brought a bias into this discussion - “Women are given a pass because they’re physically weaker than men”

You are not being open minded.

In your sick boyfriend scenario, the women goes to jail. Irrespective of gender if 1. Your life is not threatened, you’ve a way to escape or walk away and you’re not actually in physical harm then you’ve no defense for an assault and battery.

If Ronda Rousey slaps a 5’4” man, in a house that he cannot escape then he’s justified in beating her (if he can lol) and she will go to jail for assault.

The law believes if you have means to walk away from a situation that causes you physical or emotional distress and your life isn’t in danger, then that should always be your FIRST option. You can’t not really be serious that people don’t have the will to walk away from situations that they can. Most people that give in to “provocation” very easily do so because they know that can win the physical battle.

I have demonstrated my open-mindedness on this thread.

Except when we are dealing with a mad person, people do not usually just start slapping their better halves. That is why wise people would ask 'what happened?'

I did not bring a bias, I just mentioned the elephant in the room. Why are people so 'Physical violence is evil?' Like for like, how many women can beat their men? When we talk physical violence, who do we have in mind as a victim?

And those who do verbal violence know they can get away with words, It is their forte.

If verbal abuse reduces, physical abuse would also reduce. It is mostly a cause and effect thing.

It is just like the NL romance guys who whine about the number of virgins or the way girls sleep around. If they and their friends decide to keep themselves chaste, the number of girls having sex would reduce. Imagine that on a wide scale.

The women who are really physically abused dare not talk to their husbands or talk back at him.

Those are the women I am concerned about who needs help. They are the ones who by intentionally or unintentionally married psychotic men.

Any woman who gets slapped because she constantly wears her husband down with his acid tongue; I have only one advise to you.

Go and watch your tongue and learn how to communicate more effectively.

Stop been an instigator and cry foul when your tired husband retaliates.

And men, if you are the ones with acid tongues, same goes to you.

Mindfulness:
So your touching school stories fit the context of marriage but you encouraging verbal abuse, as you call it, on the other thread is a quote out of context?

According to you it is ok to call random strangers names but it is not ok if they are our family members. I assume it is also ok to beat people up as long as they are not our family.

And you call yourself objective.

Mindfulness,

Telling ladies (because the thread was about ladies) to check themselves if they are given a label that offends them is encouraging verbal abuse.

If you also don't know the difference between a random man/woman calling you 'idiot' because you overtook them in traffic and your spouse calling you idiot everyday for the next two years then I must say this discussion is over and you win.

That doesn't stop women who think they can legislate their husband's response to their constant verbal abuse chopping slap this very minute.

Hopefully, they will log on to NL thereafter and feel good about themselves or show their husbands this thread.

liberalchick:
If a man abused you verbally, like really bad, insults your generation or “provokes” you, would you slap him?

A man verbally abusing me or throwing insults at me one time is one thing.

If my husband constantly verbally abuses me, I will deal with him. I might not slap him because I can't finish him off. I know my leverage in every situation; I do not have the physical strength to beat him to a pulp.

I will think of something that he will remember for a really really long time.

@Bold: is an If because I did not marry a verbally abusive man. I am that lazy and would look for lasting solutions so I can relax and working myself up per time.

And this is not a man thing, same applies to a woman.

I as a rule rarely do back and forth with random people I would most likely not see again.

liberalchick:
A legal based post.

Yes! 1. Based on his physical size, the force is not going to be comparable 2. He can walk away 3. His life was not in danger.

The law expects the man to walk away and report the girlfriend for assault.

On the verbal assault, the legal process will do its work. The police will investigate, people in their lives will be interrogated etc and the man will be legally represented in court.

In a civilized society people are not expected to take the law into their hands, if not, it becomes a slippery slope. What level of verbal abuse is enough to warrant a slap?

So are we basing physical violence on force now? What if the guy was sick and his lady's hands made him slump and die? Would the court still consider the force? How do we know his life was not in danger? Haven't we seen women kill their men?

I agree with you that people should not ideally that laws into their hands. What I am saying in addition is that people should not verbally abuse others with the hope that the abused person would look at them and go to the nearest police station.

We are humans with emotions and blood flowing. We are not robots programmed with A, B and C. You constantly call a man with a large family a bastard, he might shake it off. You call a man abandoned in an orphanage/ denied by his father a bastard constantly and he will snap one day.

When we are tempted to verbally abuse people, let us put ourselves in the shoes of the other person and do the right thing. Not start the madness in the first place.

We are having this discussion because it is believed that women are the more verbally abusive so men should give them a pass, walk away, hit a wall, ignore bla bla bla.

Funnily, this doesn't even bode well for women rights movement and the right to be seen as equal as a man. If a woman sees herself as equal, she should be freaking ready to face the consequences of running her mouth. The man might ignore her, pick another lover, walk away (which some stupid women still jack their men till they receive a slap), or slap her back.

You cannot control people's reaction to verbal abuse.

Let us avoid it altogether or if you are verbally abuse and you receive a slap, take it as the repercussion of your verbal abuse and sort out your issues.

Mindfulness:
1. Your point was that verbal abuse is violence so people calling a lady bitch/wh.ore/slut should be considered violent, not so?

2. And when you were telling us all the stories that touch about a stammering student and how your teacher didn't consider you to be the sharpest tool, it perfectly fitted the context, not so?

1. Verbal abuse is violence. If you don't like it, sorry it is. A person calling a lady a bitch/LovePeddler/slut can be a statement of fact or an insult. There are two different scenarios. If the girl's boyfriend keeps calling her a bitch/LovePeddler/slut, it can be a statement of fact or verbal abuse.

2. Any intelligent person would see that it fitted. And no, she did not consider me the sharpest tool in her subject and she was very very correct. How I passed that subject in WAEC is a clear miracle.

Now you do have any other posts of mine you want to quote out of context?

Fountainofyouth:
Thank you for this, I wanted bringing it up, seems she has forgotten her comment, goes to show that people don't practice what they preach.

Cc Crackhaus

I think carefully before I type so no, I have not forgotten.

I also do not have anything to prove so I provide my opinions on matters that interest me whether they are politically correct or not.

The way I treat offense from people close to me is different from the way I treat it as a family member.

And no amount of idealizing would tell people what to do when they can no longer accommodate people's acidic tongue would make people stop chopping slap.

Why we don't think we should caution people to watch their tongues beats me.

liberalchick:
Legal based post.

Physical abuse: The only way to avoid an assault and battery charge is if you can convince the courts 1. You were in fear for your life; 2. You have no way to escape or walk away 3. The force used is comparable to the force you received.

If your 5’2” girlfriend slaps the face of your 6 feet frame in an open park, then you slapped her back and she faints, you’re going to jail.

Verbal abuse: Verbal abuse is rarely considered as a defense, if it is, it will be used as a mitigating factor for a prosecutor as to what charge or a judge for sentencing. Verbal abuse is only considered if 1. The verbal abuse is sustained over a period of time and the person snaps; 2. At the time of the altercation, the verbal abuse uttered is a physical threat, e.g “I will stab you”.

If your life is not threatened it’s advisable to always avoid situations that causes you distress. If you have a belligerent significant other than remove them from your life.

@Bold, what happens to the girlfriend?

Or it is ok for her to slap her boyfriend because she will considerably do less damage?

How do we also prove that the verbal abuse has gone on long enough for the person to be allowed to snap?

Mindfulness:
https://www.nairaland.com/5568013/5-labels-need-stop-giving#84680385

@Mindfulness, I believe you understand there is something called context.

If a lady is called a bitch on SM or by random people and it gets to her, she should review her behaviour and change if it is bitchy.

If not she should move on.

If her husband repeatedly calls her a bitch, then it is a different kettle of fish altogether.

cococandy:
Child sexual abuse has always been a thing.
Before internet and even with strict parental control. Things didn’t start falling apart because the internet came. Ot just made it more obvious.

Many children are sexually abused by people close to them. The internet predators are just a fraction of people that abuse children. From older cousins, to uncles and aunts and school teachers and neighbors. The list is endless.

Unless that parent is always going to have to child attached to them at the hip until they turn 18, the child will at some point in their lives encounter sexual predators.

There’s always the temptation to blame the parents . Because it takes away the responsibility of putting the actual blame where it belongs.

Not to take anything away from the benefits of having watchful parental eyes. However it’s not the only real solution to the problem .

What next? Don’t send the children to school? Don’t live near people? Don’t allow relatives in the house?

There are many ways predators can come close to the child. Removing as many of them from the society as possible is definitely a real solution that can be added to having watchful parental eyes.

With internet and exposure, people stopped trusting relatives blindly and became more watchful.

Nanny and spy cams became more popular.

No more cling kids my wife, my husband. Several books have been published to combat child abuse. Parents are now teaching children age appropriate sex education and building a confidant relationship with them.

Notice that all these activities are geared towards parents protecting their kids more. No sane parent would riggle their hands and say 'government needs to prosecute child predators more or develop more tools to fish them out.'

Kidnapping now would be rife in Nigeria because if Christmas. No parent is telling Buhari to equip the police more: they are locking their children in.

It is the duty of every parent to watch their children.

Will there be exceptions in that after every precautions taken, they fall victims? Yes.

However, nothing kills like the guilt of knowing you could have done more to protect your child to prevent the abuse.

The team caught 300 abusers in one year in the whole US. 300! I am sure that there is 10x that number in one community alone.

Besides, this would keep the predators on their toes since they know people are watching and would devise new means to get the kids they want.

The onus is on very parent to guard and guide their kids if they value them.

crackhaus:
1.The other day when I stressed the fact that parents should not allow children access to mobile phones with internet access, it seemed odd because according to some people, a child can become the next IT tech guru because he/she makes use of a cellphone.
The utter foólishness of this thinking is way more funny than all Nigerian comedians combined.


2. While this investigation by the woman and her team is very revealing and highly commendable, they seem to have completely gone in the opposite direction regarding the best way to curb predatory sexual behavior on the internet.

3. I mean, how many of these sexual predators are they going to keep arresting, when the real question they ought to have been dealing with is what the fvck is an 11yr old even doing with an instagram account in the first place?

2 & 3 take the cake.

I don't know why people would not rather prevent than trying to cure.

Someone who is raped cannot be unraped and the mark is almost forever, someone who was robbed almost never forgets...

Why do we like to put ourselves through the mess and be crying for solutions?

Some of our proverbs are rich and I think should be re-introduced to our kids ' curriculum.

Like my people would say (translating). A knife cut a child's hand and you threw it away. Has the knife not caused destruction by cutting the hand or can the knife uncut the hand?

Or there is little poo on the corner of a plate and they tell you to clean it and keep eating. If you clean and keep eating, can you erase it from your mind?

God help us.

Chai!

Very long OP.

I always like the simplest solutions. I am also a coward how believe the adage 'prevention is better than cure' wholeheartedly.

I am not woke enough to expose myself or family to be a statistic. There will always be evil people and cannot control their actions. I can however control mine in terms of prevention.

1. Train your kids well to have good self-esteem and self-love. Discipline them in love, don't abuse them so they don't cave in at the first 'I love you', 'you are beautiful/ handsome' bla bla.

2. Regulate their time on the net and forget forming woke. There are too many damaged people online and I do not know why a child should have an internet enabled phone at 11. Or a SM account. For what kwanu?

3. Know the kind of environments they are in and teach them about peer pressure. Let them be bold and confident enough to be different in a good way in line with parental values.

It would also be good they profile the type of children who fall for these predators do they can advise parents.

Interesting how the couple above with this below would have been perfect switching places:

https://www.nairaland.com/5587015/husband-causing-me-pain

People know thyself and choose a befitting spouse.

DeeMain:
I liked your earlier comment but disagree with this one.

Words are guns. Words can kill. Words can maim and destroy and warp. Agree.

But to give free pass to violence in the altar of evening the scores for verbal abuse is to play the animal. We are not animals. We have a higher thinking brain that can educate our primitive animal brain. This is what sets us apart from animals. We can pause and think before we respond.

Between stimuli and response is a gap. Humans can fill that gap with a sense of purpose, with control, with love, with a sense of the consequences. We can interpret differently.

It's why even people who commit crimes of passion go to jail.

I say no to responding to verbal abuse with physical abuse. Run, flee, hit the wall or reframe the situation - interpret it differently.

If we interpret verbal abuses differently we will respond differently. There is always a choice. It's the nature of freewill .

If you see verbal abuse as violence, then you would things in different perspective. You would also understand that running your mouth off to someone else is animalistic.

It is also easy to say 'run, flee, hit the wall, reframe the situation' bla bla. How about we teach people not to be verbally violent in the first place?

Anyways, I teach people not to run their mouth because the intent is also violence.

When I was much younger, my mouth was my weapon because I was tiny so couldn't fight and I say it is also violence.

I had to change after school when I realized that physical and verbal abuse were types of violence even if different.

You say there is a gap between stimulus and reaction?

So someone insults your mum or tells you something that hurt to your face. You would wait, think about the best action before reacting?

That's cool.

And honestly, I believe there is a difference between two or more people fighting with whatever weapon they have (all is fair in love and war abi?) and physical abuse.

If for instance, if a wife burnt dinner and the husband comes home, smells the burn and starts beating his wife, it is physical abuse.

If same wife has verbally dragged the husband for whatever reason and he gives her two slaps to shut her up, it is two fighting. One person would sha land the blows first.

We have instigators and perpetrators.

And I agree that there is a choice.

If you run your mouth, what you see is what you get.

Come to think of it, an average Nigerian would not run his/her mouth to a soldier.

Why?

Ralpdee123:
Good morning Nairalanders,
I am tired of my marriage and I am considering divorcing my wife of 8 years. I need mature advice either........

Please pardon my grammatical blunders....

I met this Lady at the banking all 7 years ago, it was love at first sight. I approached her and poom! we exchanged numbers, we talked briefly and said she resided in Abuja and would be returning in a week so we decided to meet at an eatery before she leaved.

We met and discussed about life aspirations and all that, I told her how I wished we get along and God willing we get married. Then she responded saying that do I know I have to be hardworking and responsible of I'm truly serious about marriage etc. I said I ma trying that things we fall in place.........

The Lies:
1)
She travelled and we kept in touch through text messages and calls etc... She told me she was a virgin and had broke up with her bf bla bla....then i had promised to come and see her in few months time to reassure how I'm serious about her....blabla...... 2 weeks before my travel day to meet her, she called on evening and started crying over the phone, what happened, I enquired, she said she was RAPED by her ex BF... Oh gosh! How come? he trickked me over to his place and it happened..... I got mad and fasttrackked my going to meet her..........

2)
I eventually visited and she explained how it all happened,I said no wahala... Being the first time we were seeing after a long time, I didn't make any attempt to sex her as that wasn't my priority. She left my place and I accompanied her to the busstop to leave, while there she brought up an issue like she wants me to touch her or something like that..... We returned to my room and boom it happend.... I came in all over her...etc.. 3 weeks later, she told me she missed her period and was pregnant... I was in 300l at this time.... I was like oh....OK... Save this preg! We would. Find away around telling our parents bla bla.......
Girl said no that she would have do abort it.... I said no pls don't.... And one even she called that her friend took her to a place and she has terminated the pregy... I felt bad......

3)
Hide and Lied about the status of her parents and families.... As she was telling me, I was informing my siblings... Now that everything is done it was hard to do the damage control cos mum and everyone thinks I have been lying all along.....

Relocate to Lagos......
She finally moved to Lag and this time I was in my final year.... While writing my finals she called that she is pregnant... This time real pregnancy.... I said live it.... Not that that was the next thing but for the love that had beclouded my sense of reasoning at that time..... I manage to get 1 room sef apartment in Lagos so I have a sense of independence, not that I was planning anything marriage......my wife began to bring in her things one by one and before I knew what was happining, it was hard to let go....... Technically, she don get belle.... And I don marry wife automatically.........

From School to Marriage:

It was he'll for me becos I was around 25/26 around this time, mum c was complaining bitterly that I am not ready for for this, and dad to left me with my stubbornness..... So I struggled with this lady.... I told her that we can work around all these things and still come out good.....

Meeting her Parents & Her Education:
One of her big aunt has been the brain behind manipulating me to marry her and bla bla... She took me to see her parents, my one parent ain't aware of shit.... There they brain washed me that I was the Afesona... Like Fiance and etc.... Father told me that I will take responsibility from that moment on....... At that time she had a failed admission that I later knew about.......... Then I said PT program would be a nice option.... Yaba or Laspotech... The Dad told me that it's easier said than done because if tomorrow comes now and they are asking for school fees we I should count him out..... I'm like OK Daddy, the first school fees is a bit much, pay half lemme pay half and the subsequent onces I will pay..... Daddy refused to pay o..... I ended up using my house rent that I saved for about 6 months to pay for the school fees....... And the real issue began......
Weekly tfare, feeding, handouts, test, assignment bills I come lean like Dryfish..... No joy at all... A young grad like me.......my life was upside down....

Setting Up Business for her:

I later called her and told her the load is too much for me that she should start to do something to support us.... She was studying business admin at this time, I said she should learn a trade that she will later blend in with her Business admin....she said catering would be cool and we both agreed.... I searched for another money to send her to catering school again....now she is doing OND and catering school together plus pregnancy...... My both eyes went hollow and I am permanently stressed at that time......life became unbearable and I encouraged myself that it's only. Matter of time...... My wife delivered at the last month of the catering school.... Then the stress of a baby.....set in... Wife isn't working.....

I started Noticing her Laziness:

After 6 months, I told her to return to round up her catering school, get her certificate and start something...she said yes and it ends there....she didn't go.... Months after she said that academy is bad they didn't teach them well bla bla....that she wants to go to another Catering institute..... Then I told her to search..... For 6moths madam didn't see any, I had to do it myself.... Than I saw one of the top catering institute in Maryland, I paid oh.... Practicals, this and that..... I went broke again.....

After the course, I took her to the market bought almost all catering equipment and did a comcard and etcs... Madam pretended for a month and she abandoned everything........

Laziness Continues:
She insisted my cousin sister should come live with us, most of the times, it is my cousin that do all the cleaning, washing, bathing the kids etc... She will just sit down in one angle and that will be all.... When I talk, she would just laugh and that is all.....


Can't Cook & Wants me to eat any crap she cooks like that..
I have resorted to buying cooked food on my way home cos I most times take to spoons of her served meal and I would lost appetite completely.... Then I will go hungry and lean as a result.... I can't come and kill myself..... Untop someone that don't give a dam about me.......

Pregnant again:

Immediately my boy clocks two I told her that before any pregnancy, I have to set her up first so that the burden would be free a bit....... She said OK.... And few months after she went on admission only to tell me that she's pregnant again.....

Long story short: I am tired of the marriage right now..
What should I do...


Pardon my very long epistle..........

You have been married for 8yrs and you met her 7yrs ago.

When you discussed your life aspirations, what did she say she wanted to do? What steps did she take towards achieving them?

The problem I see are the lies (majorly before marriage) and the laziness (financial, mental and physical).

Since she wants to behave like a child, apportion some personal tasks to her.

Also ask her what her plans are. If none, save up the money you have than wasting them on unprofitable ventures.

Also stop providing excesses. For instance, a phone is basic: A N50k phone is a luxury.

Only provide the basics and tell her to work if she wants more.

Save for your children's future: you don't want to be stranded.

Be resourceful (a lazy woman can't be) and stop buying food outside. If she makes salty rice, tell her to make another one till she gets it. The stew is not well cooked, tell her to keep repeating it.

As it were, she is practically not adding value to you save the kids and she is not even earning to cater to the excess due to her slothfulness.

You have left things go wrong for years so you need to work hard to restore things.

You don't want you kids taking after her slothfulness.

coolviv:
But the thing is, why agree on something with a fellow human being like you then change it suddenly when you feel you have trapped her?
If he had said he didn't want a wife who works during courtship, would she not have had the opportunity to leave him and look for a man who shares her belief? Why this inhuman deceit?
She has married you now and had a child then you suddenly decide she should not work. So if she is a medical student that has spent 7 to 9 years to become a doctor, because of you, husband, she ll stay at home and be looking and sit in balcony everyday looking at active passersby?
If the late Dr Adadevoh's husband had stopped her from working, what would ebola have done to Nigeria today?

Pls we all need to change. Stop using Bible and societal structures to frustrate your fellow human being. Even if she keeps quiet and obeys him as she has been advised to do, she will never be happy with her life, never be happy with him and never be happy with her home.

Men should tell women during courtship what their stance is on certain major issues. Don't pretend or deceive her that you are down with what she wants only to change when you get married. And women should clear their eyes very well before taking some life decisions knowing that they will bear most of the brunt if these decisions turn out bad.
It is good to marry early, it is better to establish yourself before getting married, it is best to marry your friend.

I also add that you listen to what the person is not saying.

midnighter:
You have a point. BUT you forgot that the man is actually in the wrong here.

He promised her something and now he has gone back on his promise, is there anything Christian about failing to keep your word, to your wife for that matter

Theres actually nothing Christian about manipulating and bullying your wife so Christianity is not a basis here.

Ever heard of Nigerian brand of Christianity?

midnighter:
And about correcting your daughter, you have to tell us what about your parenting he doesnt like because you havent given enough information.

I dont really want to believe that he prefers his daughter to pee all over the floor so is it that you shout at her unnecessarily or what

Some women do go overboard with discipline because the blame and shame will be on them if the child turns out to be useless.

Are you sure youre correcting her from good intentions or out of your own vanity?

2 years old is rather early for "scolding" dont you think

At the same time going to check on her at school everyday is quite ridiculous, so maybe he is setting the scene for spoiling and future "Daddy's girl" because I personally dont understand that unless he doesnt trust the nursery teachers .

Maybe he felt neglected because his mother was a single mom and does not want his child to feel that neglect too.

Damilolacoker:
*He was raised by a single mom .
*well not really. I don't know why he's so adamant on this one .
*my mom doesn't even want to listen to me, they all think I'm just being stubborn. They just listened to him and decided I was wrong .

He was raised by a single mom so he is no stranger to women working. The question is did he feel he lost anything? Bonding time? Did he feel his mother was too stressed? Did he see his mother do unethical things to fend for them?

Why do your parents think you are stubborn?

What exactly does this girl do?

cococandy:
I was actually going to go down that lane and make the argument for you because I was anticipating this response. I typed and then went ahead to delete in order to keep my response short. I do not disagree with this.

I do disagree that physical abuse is or can be excuse because of verbal abuse. In any case, one can always return verbal for verbal and physical for physical.

Is it physical abuse if I slap someone who is insulting me repeatedly because I stepped on them?

I think not.

Telling people to return verbal for verbal is very unrealistic. Not everyone have the same prowness with words. Some people cannot talk when angry and abused and react. Some people are unfortunately not in a position to react and lock up all the emotions till they become twisted.

I will say a lot of twisted people is because they could not retaliate to their abuser (verbal/physical) the way they deemed fit. I remember a stammer in secondary school. She was big and obviously used her fits when people started insulting her to a point she cannot bear; that was her leverage. Anytime she couldn't retaliate (maybe a senior or she was held done), you need to see the way she was shaking and sometimes break down in bitter tears. She obviously couldn't engage in words and was denied the only outlet she could express herself.

The best is for people to watch their mouth and keep their hands to themselves.

If in anger you say one or two things and do not have the sense to quickly apologize, be ready to face the consequences of your actions.

Trying to regulate people's responses to verbal abuse is not realistic. That is why there are 'crimes of passion.'

CircleOfWilis:
U married a 'wicked' woman, run for your life , one day she will beat u to death...That's a clear case of domestic violence..

Get your lawyer and seek for a divorce.

Because it's the other way round now people are saying the man should "hug and tell her he loves her", "apologize to her"
etc.. Double standard!

Hahahahahahahahaha

Very funny, innit?