₦airaland Forum

Nigeria will get here when we are past the survival stage.

Rosarie:
Tell him,if he loves you he will stand by you after all he is AS

Don't you think the guy would feel betrayed?

This isn't about the guy's love (they are getting married) however her betrayal.

damilare214:
I'm getting married this weekend and my husband to be doesn't know about my genotype. I'm SS but lied to him that I'm AS, he is AA.
I don't look like SS neither do I fall sick( I sick once or twice a year),and I'm not on any medication as well.
My doctor and friends advised me not to tell him because of different heartbreaks that I have experienced in the past ( people believe SS dies prematurely).
I have plan to tell him on our wedding night but my friends insist I should wait till I give birth.

Please help me, I don't know the right time to tell him and I don't want to build my marriage on lies.

Between the devil and the deep blue sea innit?

Whatever you do, don't tell him after the marriage.

You are not giving him a choice to decide.

DaVader:
I don't know the reason why I'm thinking of this lately, I never have the plan of getting married anytime soon– broke person like me. But irrespective of social stratification caused by financial capabilities, there has always being a sort of prevalent relationship between mother in-laws and the son's wife.

I don't know much about upper class or middle class in society but if I'm to go by statistics gotten from social media of people that seems to be in either of the above mentioned classes, I can categorically state that mother inlaw/ son wife's relationship are, in most cases, saddle with hate between these two parties like those of lower class( speaking from experience)

I understand that some mother in-law are evil, at least that's the only logical reason that they could give when asked reason behind the hate for their mother in-laws.
Ladies what's the other reason that make most of you hate your husband mother's?
And to man out there, how do you manage in a situation like this?

A lot of MILs did not have peace and love in their marriages. With the stay for the kids' advice, they poured all that affection and love on their kids so not willing to let go when he is married.

Now, because they know that their meddlesome behavior would hurt their daughters' marriages, most of them would refrain from it in their daughters' homes.

Also, the culture of sons adding their wives to the family instead of leaving, cleaving and joining with their wives to form a new branch of the family tree worsen the matter and DIL just waits to become MIL before returning the favour. Some might wonder why the DIL doesn't become a good MIL after her experience: it is the same reason why a junior student is gingerly waiting to be a senior so he/she can bully others. (my boarding house peeps will testify).

Please note leave and cleave not abandon and cleave. This means that the new couple (son and DIL) looks after both parents'/families' interests as a unit.

This builds the next point: some DILs are very selfish and think everything about the husband's family is evil. Well, the black pot prepared the white Eko you though fit for marriage (the son). They don't want the husband's family around, they think any project about them is not useful, they think their traditions are all bad etc. and only want their family members around. News flash: both families are now your responsibilities to care for jointly within your resources.

Some sons cum husbands are yet to decide if they want to be Mama's boy or Sisi's husband. They are influenced by every whims of their mothers and do not have the capacity to make decisions jointly with their wives and stick by it. They see their marital home as an extension of their birth home and permit anyone the right to treat their wives with disregard and disrespect. 'Oh, Mama re-arranged the house for the gas to be outside? That is how we did it at Ede.', 'Shade dipped her hands into the soup pot, that has been her trademark.' Note that Mama or Shade in lost cases WOULD NOT do that in their daughter's home.

Some wives also carry themselves with so much low esteem that the in-laws have the guts to treat her anyhow. Read a story here where they are pouring soup and all sorts in the lady's home and she was still begging them.

Did it start today? No.
Will it end tomorrow? No.

crackhaus:
It's a woman thing.

Men compete amongst themselves for money and power, the result could either be wars or inventions.
Women compete amongst themselves for attention, the result could either be mother-in-law drama or plastic surgery.

In a sane setting, why would a DIL and MIL even 'compete' for the son's attention in the first place?

They are on different levels.

Congratulations to him.

More strength to his d**k and pockets.

Pafoma:
Guys! I need serious, real and honest contributions.. Thanks to all that will contribute.

I have a lady whom i am dating. I truly love and care about her but she has been with people that are in my circle and this disturbs me. She didnt used to be a straightforward and totally faithful person but i see that she is making efforts towards being completely honest and straightforward but still i dont have rest in my spirit about taking the decision to marry her.

I have observed she is soft with guys and is not firm, although i am aware it takes time for someone used to a particular pattern or lifestyle to adjus. I need help because breaking up with this lady will mean that i have to look for someone else to start the entire circle with again and who knows what if the new one also comes with even worse baggages.

My questions are these

1. What do you advice i do?
2. Who has been in similar situation where you fell in love with a lady your friends and circle have been with then married her? What was the experience like including things to look out for..
3. How can be sure i wont regret the decision to go forward?

Please feel free to ask me any question and i’ll answer if they are not sarcastic or jokes..

Thank you.

When you say circle, are you talking of acquaintances you can subtly part ways with or friends like business partners etc. you can't do without?

Are you also talking of dating one person, did not work out thingy or casual sex with a number of them?

If it is ex, I believe the person should be mature enough to move on and treat you both with respect: if it is causal sex with multiple people in one circle then you might want to move on.

Also, you say she is trying to be straightforward: in sexual matters, you are either straightforward aka faithful or not. If she was used to having causal sex in the past and she wanted to change, she knows the situations she should not get into.

You might also want to know why she wants to change: her biological clock is ticking and she wants to settle down? She has seen the error of her ways and truly repenting? She wasn't wise enough to discern when she was in a relationship with herself and had sex too soon? She had psychological issues and used sex to fill that need?

In summary, if your spirit does not have peace with this lady, move on.

While I understand the sentiment behind not wanting to start afresh, a broken engagement is better than a broken marriage.

This story get as im be.

mrbillz:
So we have Kote, Titus and the like in our water abi... How may people can afford our local catfish?

Wawu!

So our local catfish is more expensive than the ones imported.

Na wa!

pocohantas:
1. La Campagne Tropicana is one of the numerous beaches in Lagos. Situated somewhere in Ibeju Lekki.

WARNING!
The road is FAR. If you do not have patience, if time isn't on your side- pls, don't try it. It would/should take a total of 6hrs for the trip (to and fro), minus traffic. Journey started somewhere on the mainland.

Out of curiousity, on our way there, I tried booking a trip via UBER. Got an estimate of N7700- N10150. If I am a driver, I wouldn't even go. Except you book me for a day job. Lol

Lovely thread, lovelier bum.

mistyebby:
No its owned by a son of the soil. He featured in an interview I watched on TV.

He has a deep passion for culture and tourism.

Yet does not want the average Nigerian to enjoy it.

etrouble:
I am half way int this story and I am already angry. OP, make sure you don't fucck up at the end of this story because I don't know why a man will go about begging a woman for love. Just make sure you don't fucck up at the end of the story. Now, let me go back and complete the story.

Hahahahahahahaha

Na real etrouble

Okwori12:
Let's hear your opinion.

What do you think?

Nice cool story.

1. I keep saying that every lady who desires a man will get one.

2. Apart from exceptions, every lady must have a situable spouse in a younger years.

3. A lady's best chance to meet a level headed dude with no baggage is in her younger years. Also, she has less baggage and is more trusting.

What would make a 26yr old lady lose hope that she would condemn herself to a twice divorced man more than twice her age?

Gloriousheart:
Nawa. Grow up, man! You can choose to love your wife if you want. True deep lasting Love is a choice not just a feeling. All these long story is because you are looking at life and marriage with fairy tale rose-colored glasses. If this new lady suddenly got pregnant for you before marriage, you will lose feelings for her too. What is it sef. You stay in your marriage or sail. Stop all these neither here nor there character. It's not manly. How can you say you were forced into marriage? You didn't need to marry her if you didn't want. Were you forced to impregnate her or be intimate with her? She was good enough for sex but not marriage. This is the mistake some folks make often. Then they start crying foul. Now you're married, concentrate and see if you can build your marriage. Stop behaving this way.

Love is a feeling that develops into commitment proven through actions.

There is duty though.

healthserve:
Na Dbanj messed up. Didn't give explanations just walked away as at time babe hope was heightened. Didn't give reasons for his actions. Till now.

Na oga DB know Wetin he see for gate abi?

He should have ended it properly though, for closure.

Maybe she was just a game to him and after the chase, she wasn't worth it to him.

healthserve:
Dbanj turned down Genevieve not the other way around o. If it was, twas just damage control by her. Dbanj axed it

That's not the version I heard.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.informationng.com/2013/01/why-dbanj-and-genevieve-nnaji-broke-up.html/amp

Whatever jare.

franchasng:
hahahahahaha


There must be sissy men no matter how you preach it, there must be men who will kill their entire lineage just to convince one pussy to allow them get laid for few seconds



Op, if you haven't noticed a huge decline in the number of capable guys getting married early, then you are not observant.


There are many financially successful guys who out of fear of bad news about marriages or out of their fear of being tied down by one pussy or fear of loosing plenty other hot chicks they sample free as single guys, have refused to get married.


The truth is, in as much as we do see lots of pussy niggas begging and worshipping girls in real life, don't be deceived that it means guys are completely happy with ladies' latest way of life today. Many guys are dealing with ladies in real life oh.

What Jeremy did to almighty Linda Ikeji is it not mortal combat


What Dbanj did to Genevieve Nnaji is it not WWE Smackdown


What Iyanya did to Yvonne Nelson is it not more than WWW raw



What about what Iceberg Slim did to Hanty Juliet Ibrahim, after pressing her big ass up and down in public he dumped her like hot akara, was it also a movie or an online show



It is not online bragging oh, most Nigerian guys are really angry with Nigerian ladies, reason I have decided not to allow any Nigerian guy to ever touch my big bombom, never

To the best of my knowledge, Genevieve denied DBanj in public.

I agree with you that guys are getting more reluctant to get married.

ornicus:
https://scatteredquotes.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/Love-Quotes-3-945x945.jpg

correct application prick and toto is too sweet . end of story

Honestly

pocohantas:
I didn't say CHANGEable, I said TEACHable.

The second part contradicts your saying of men reducing their alphaness. Nigerian men are not very pretentious, they bask in their extreme bad habits because they know there would be one desperate woman to take them like that. Maybe because she hopes he would CHANGE.

You say teachable, I say coachable.

Anyone who is not teachable or coachable is bad news.

Ndlistic:
According to her:



Source:
https://www.thenaijafame.com.ng/2019/11/how-my-husband-threw-our-6-month-old.html?m=1



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uD5Yo-3V96M

I don't get:

A man who is throwing his wife out let that same wife record him openly?

They are even throwing banters?

I am sorry, the husband sounds like a heart broken drunk than an abusive husband.

Now to the OP:

The husband called the uncle and said he was no longer interested in the marriage which they agreed.

Two weeks later, he calls the wife and she comes back.

Did the wife ask him to engage her uncle to resolve the issues before going back?

Did they resolve the issues that initially led to the separation?

Why would the man ask her back and them spend every opportunity out of the house?

A man who closes at 3pm and comes back home drilink at 11pm shows there is something wrong somewhere.

Did the wife find out why he drinks? And if she couldn't put up with it, why did she go back?

If the husband is so evil, why did she jump at a second chance without even consulting her uncle?

Madam should tell us the REAL story.

I don't know why the 'there is no perfect marriage everyone is suffering something' always irkes me.

True, there is no perfect person however, there are couples enjoying their marriages with no lies, cheating, physical abuse, emotional abuse etc.

Just two people with their heads screwed right loving each other and giving their spouse their all.

I think the first step should be that people should choose right and be the right people.

Sighs.

NiCurious:
OP made an unfortunate economic decision to go into fraud, which got him arrested and in jail. His choice jeopardized the wellbeing of his family that he was supposedly trying to help.

OP went to jail for the risk he knowingly took, meanwhile leaving his wife to feed herself and their daughter on her tiny trading profit.

OP's wife, in turn, made an economic decision to team up with another dude, who is able to afford feeding both of them, and not one but two kids. Presumably the new dude has legitimate income, or she wouldn't walk into the same situation again.

OP made an economic decision that hurt his wife practically. Wife made an economic decision that hurt the OP emotionally. The ultimate goal of feeding the family has been accomplished. The family is being fed. Just not by the OP.

OP is looking for justice. Cold justice has already been served. OP is now free to be guided by the lessons from this episode, and move on with his life.

Hmmmmm

mark2sunny:
Your ex wife isn't your problem right now. I understand you feel lonely and desperately need someone to encourage you, hear your story, chat with you and plan life with. But think about it, it's difficult to wait for someone that long. Women need love and care, not just sexual satisfaction like men. Let her go.

If you are a Christian, take this time to rebuild your Christian life and get closer to God. Get to that point where you can experience God's presence so you can easily get divine leading. Go to church always and spend time in prayer. Be in the company of true Christians and find something doing. If you can, make God a promise that you can keep if he blesses you. Pick up from anything genuine however little.

Forgiveness is very vital for you now. Forgive your life and let her be. Tell her you have forgiven her and bless her. Let your daughter be with her. Get yourself back first before having a dependant with you. You can spend time with her weekends. Forgiveness will open heavens door to you because you'll find God's forgiveness.

Plan out what you hope to achieve in the nearest future and start working on it. Focus or concentrate your energy on one particular thing. In the process of developing yourself and growing gradually, you might get betrayed, looked down on or rejected. It's part of the process. Keep going and never look back. You have a great life ahead of you. Focus on that. May God restore all your wasted years.

Very good points especially on the forgiveness and religious angle.

baby124:
Good thing for him now is that Nigeria does not have an extensive database for criminals so he can try to get a job and go legit. However, this will probably change in the future and a lot of boys like him will be in a very big mess for the rest of their lives. Especially when companies start doing criminal background checks

I feel pity for him.

Some decisions have lasting impacts on our lives.

If only he could turn back the hands of time and did the right thing.

According to him, his ex-wife was a strong influence.

femi4:
And that's not the same thing

When you can wait 27yrs for one woman in prison without sleeping with anyone or doing anything funny, let's discuss

What a shame!

We can guess who the problem in the relationship was if immediately after breakup, you need another man.

No reflecting on what happened and how to improve?

femi4:
Seriously ....even Winnie left Mandela

She did not

She just had a lover and Mandela divorced her when he got out.

sp749513:
Good moring nairalanders.

I want justice pls.

I was jailed 4 years ago when i was arrested,tried and sentenced for fraud.

I was not a criminally minded person but do to the economic hardship and how to provide for my wife and daughter I went into fraud.

My wife was supporting our union with her trade which the income was very low and to feed was war.

To cut the long story short when i was in prison she do visit occasionally but during 3 years spent already she stop visiting.

When i was freed last 2 months and to know what ups I went to where we live and learnt from a neighbour that my wife has parked out from our 2 rooms apartment and is now living with a man.

I got the address,went their and lo and behold she was heavily pregnant for the man.

I felt like fainting that moment and to make matter worse she said it to my face that she can't live with an ex convict.

My 5 years old daughter wants me back but my wife and her family are fighting against that.


I still love my wife despite her betrayal but the pregnancy and her refusal to give me back my daughter is giving me problem.

I want justice against the wife snatcher and i want back my wife and daughter.



Please what is the best ways to go about it so as not to go against the law.

Mods,I want justice.

@bold:

This thinking is going to land you fast into prison where you are coming from.

Though a hard pill to swallow, the man is not a 'wife snatcher'. Your wife/ ex-wife willingly made the decision to be with him.

If your write up is true,

Your wife has clearly said she can't be with an ex-con so even if you 'collect' her back from this guy, she still won't be with you. She has made up her mind.

You want justice? Try and get your daughter back.

How?
Clean up and get a legal source of livelihood. I don't know your qualifications before bars and I don't know Nigerian stance on recruiting ex-cons.

If no hope with your Pali, hustle in a clean way. See if you can call on old friends and family to assist.

Live an upright life and visit your daughter once in a while.

If you married your wife legally, you might be thinking of a divorce. She is in a common law relationship with another man, pregnant and not willing to come back to you.

Lawyers, HRs, please help out here.

I wish you all the best as you start a new life.

P. S.: Nobody can force you to a life of crime. Circumstances can influence you however, you make the final decision.


*side hugs*

comshots:
Ifeanyi?Why not abiodun or kayode?This chef don wash KitKat water put inside drink give davido.It's hard to see a naija musician so caring for his baby mama.Chioma get luck say no be Wizkid gii am belle.

.

I don’t get.

Mother is Igbo, Father is Yoruba.

They named pikin David (after the father), Ifeanyi (to rep mother's lineage) Adeleke (surname)

And you have issues with it?

Is the boy not David Adeleke Jnr. or in RCCG's style Snr.?

Even if the son is Ifeanyi Adeleke, the Adeleke tells us his father's lineage.

I have seen people give their kids non-tribal names.

It is the surnames that matter.

drips8:
"If what I done in this world is 1%, you will do 10,000%"

Strong prayers from a father to his son.

Very very.