₦airaland Forum

HRHQueenPhil:
I don't know why women like doing this.. stop depending on a man.. dat is why he wld beat u and u refuse to leave. How will a wife love a man dat beats her mercilessly.thats why she is finding pleasure elsewere..even if d landlord is ugly ,she will go for him if he is more matured and gentle..

From this same OP?

Wife that left since 2016?

akoraye:
Nairalanders I will like to go straight to my point in order not to waste your time. I'm married with children, my wife is the only child of her single mother, we used to have little issues since our wedding which I believe it's a natural thing in marriage and I have been managing them. My wife is not a wayward type which I've confirmed to some extent but a very stubborn one. Straight to the point now! last three weeks she traveled for an exam and I went to work that morning after 3 hours that she left,she called me to challenge me that I've not deem it fit to call her to know how she is doing and she dropped the call immediately she accused me, I picked my phone Immediately to apologise to her which decided not to pick my call till she came back. Since then she has started to behave arrogantly at home and I didn't want to report the issue to her mother. Three days ago I went to a friend's party/ceremony which she knew about and I came back around 9:25pm only to meet my house door locked and my wife was no where to be found, I decided not to call her because I was quite sure she has gone to her mother's house to sleep (first time since our wedding though) She eventually came back the following morning and went straight to her shop which I built for her in front of the house without even coming inside if I'm there or not. I just kept my calm, expecting her mother's action about it because I believe courtesy demands her mother to ask me why her daughter could do such but up till now the mother has not asked me anything which I told a friend which my friend told me to exercise patient but I'm not convenient of her arrogance at home. Please advise me because I don't want do any stupid thing but I'm infuriated which I'm finding difficult to calm.

Let's leave your MIL aside.

I don't understand your story.

Three weeks ago, your wife was angry that you did not call her 3hrs after she left for her exams and dropped the call.

She didn't pick your subsequent calls and the matter died.

18 days later, she just left to her mother's place and slept over without any issue.

Why do I find this strange?

If she slept in her mother's place when the incidence happened, I would say that she was overhappy and misbehaved.

But to leave the house 18 days later as regards what happened? And she showed no sign of continued annoyance those 18 days? No prior fight (for someone you allege is very stubborn)? No shouting match etc.?

There is definitely more to this story.

Gaggi:
Well, some men will always be the skirt in a relationship, whether we like it or not. Tough luck.

Is it right for a husband to treat his wife in this manner?

mysticwarrior:
oya you join collabo with the op to separate the marriage na, am sure the op needs the support of people like you.

What really do you want?

OP wants to help, you questioned it.
Another poster said she doesn't feel pity for the woman as she has made her bed, you fight her.

What do you want people to do in this case?

lavylilly:
I have been reading with so much disdain, the recent tantrums thrown on divorced ladies on this platform recently. I may not have followed every comment and reply, but majority I read from guy seems to shame the ladies. This is very wrong.

There is nothing dehumanizing or stigmatizing about a divorced lady coming out to say she was divorced. There is nothing glorifying managing an unmanageable husband or wife in a matrimonial home. I have rarely read people shame a divorced man, or are their stigma different?

The truth is simple, its better to live alive or stay and die, and its very very simple, simpler than staying.

As a legal practitioner, I have had the opportunity to handle/witness several divorce cases, and I'm sure to say its better to leave alive.

65% of divorce cases in Nigerian courts today are instituted by ladies who couldn't tolerate a toxic marriage any longer. This simply means, there is something certainly wrong with men of today, or both.

Men have become more randy, intolerant and abusive than before.

Let's watch how we shame somebody, especially in a situation we haven't been involved in before.

Remember the goal is to be alive and happy, married or single.

Thanks, and have a lovely week.

Ma'am, you are a lawyer so you should understand that you CANNOT legislate people's choices, thoughts and feelings.

If I feel that a divorced man is damaged goods to me, whose business is that? I can only ensure that I do not deprive him of his rights in line with the constitution. I have the freedom of association and I can decide a divorced man is not it.

Ditto single woman, married man, married woman, housewife, househusband, only child, working wife, Igbo man, Hausa woman, Yoruba child etc.

People will always shame others not like them, better than them, worse than them, or even like them sef. Peeps who know what they want out of life would focus on their path and shut out distractions and naysayers.

Like I always say, every woman has the responsibility to choose the man that works best for her.

Deepfeel:
hope you read the part where he said this particular sister was more than a nanny to him and his sister when growing up? she's not just a family friend, no matter what never go against your blood, every family has a breed winner that is ment to take care of the entire family at large when u are in that position and fail to do that, that position gradually moves to another person with all the Blessings that follows it

Hmmmmm.

I hope you remember that thir cousin is married and has kids.

Except you are telling me that he is now the bread winner of the cousin's family?

See cheap blackmail.

It seems you are like the OP's cousin.

NonFarmPayrol:
You see some Nigerian

Once you help them once, they tend to think your a governor

It is too far.

Once you don't beg, they believe you have in excess.

1StopRudeness:
Why do u ladies worry so much about what people say about you especially guys... people u don’t even know, people that don’t know u most of the time..the funniest part is your fellow women folk even say more horrible shiit..

Few men say they don’t like a divorcee or say some nasty shitt...u cry river.
some men say they don’t want non-virgins you start screaming discrimination, a man has some nasty opinion about ladies with cascade of abortion history, you start screaming double standards...at the end of the day, everyone is entitled to his or her preference and opinion about you..weda good or nasty...I feel the duty is on you not to let it bug you instead of crying and clamoring that they should not talk or they can’t have their nasty personal opinion...
You women always approach life like u want some automatic support and validation from the world..sooner or later, u’ll start tagging it as hate....
The fact is u can never have total control over how people see u, we all have different mentality and process things differently, some people are damaged and hurt psychologically, experiences have damaged their views about the world....no matter how good and perfect ur life may seem, married, great husband, have a house and car... someone will still have something nasty and horrible to say about you let alone when u are divorced, a prostitutee, barren, or worst, u have a sex tape online sucking sperrm from a d!c..

The world is naturally mean, it’s not a man thing....Develop a thick skin, enjoy ur life with the decisions you took and the consequences that follow....at the end of the day...the world owes you nothing..

lagosminded:
Marriage is a sham. Our ladies now don’t want to suffer like their mothers. The more being a divorcee is no longer a stigma for women, the higher the divorce rate in Nigeria will be. Women are not blameless tho, they’ve perfected the act of “getting the ring”.

What does the bolded mean?

Why should a lady want to suffer like your mother?

What makes you think a mother wants her daughter to suffer what she did?

CanadaOrBust:
See why u shouldn’t generalize? I have actually always been turned on by pregnant women - don’t know why

Hope they are the ones you got pregnant?

CanadaOrBust:
Of course it is, but so are 95% of stories on Nairaland. If we ignore them there’d be little left to discourse

Very funny.

Often times, when we think we are helping, we are funding people's excesses.

Another mentality is that if you are not begging, you must have in excess. They don't think you are trying to cut your coat according to your cloth and maintenaning your lane.

Another funny one is when you carry out a project and people assume you have money. They don't think the money you 'have' has been used to fund the project.

erumena:
Are you sure the other didn't know you were dating the girl, cos the moves looks strategic to me.

He came to buys shoes, didnt pick them up himself, gave you an address and called you to bring it over, you met your babe, he called you back again to introduce his girlfriend to you.

My dear, that was a subtle way of telling you that you gat to go!

This should tell the stupid girl that she is dealing with a sick mind.

Why the games for someone who doesn't know you exist?

Acidosis:
No one has to prove anything to me sis. I see them all as families and as people I should naturally relate with. As kids, my parents ensured we travel home (both paternal and maternal) for Christmas and New Year, so it is only natural to meet and relate with cousins.

It has nothing to do with what Mr A does or what B fails to do since I don't depend on them for survival, job, money or food.

Did I also mention that no family is 100% perfect? I've personally witnessed family issues and disagreements on both sides, but none of these is my business. My parents' fights and struggles with their brothers and sisters are not mine to take on and pass to the next generation. Others may take on that task, but I don't

Nobody has said the maternal family is perfect or needing something from them.

It is a function of how both families they relate with the wife and subsequently the kids.

babyfaceafrica:
Bar exceptions, nobody can turn anyone against everyone for long periods of time.

I disagree,do you know the number of fathers that their wives have turn against their siblings...even step mums turn husband against children..these things happen

I still insist that there is no smoke without fire and there must be communication breakdown for someone to become a middlewoman passing the wrong info.

monex:
A husband beating his wife for cheating on him is still domestic abuse.

Okay.

crackhaus:
Of course.

Also, everyone here who has had only negative things to say about the paternal side of their family should endeavour that they themselves are more than perfect in-laws to the wives & in the homes of their own brother(s)...otherwise they are inadvertently part of a paternal family which someone else is talking shít about right now.

Circle of life

I am proud to say I have been sweet to my inlaws/relatives connected to me by marriage to a male relative.

Easy to do when you ditch culture and embrace religion + common sense.

I remember an uncle's wife who was shocked when I packed her plates in my cousin's house.

Cousin's wife put to bed and we (I & Uncle's wife) came to care for the new wife. I was done with my stay and leaving when uncle's wifey came.

She knelt totally to greet my cousin (culture which I think is bullshit) and wanted to wait on us calling us sir and ma.

We were done eating (I cooked) and packed her plates. She was reluctant and said it is her duty to pack it bla bla (culturally true). I looked at her and told her that I accorded her same respect I did her husband and I would never let him take his own plates to the sink. They are one.

Any one especially lady who hides under culture and tradition to maltreated her male relatives' wives should remember same culture is alive during her own time.

LadySarah:
We r good on both sides,very good.We relate wella
Infact my bro wanted to surprise my dad's bro(paternal uncle) with a Duplex this xmas.unfortunately,he died last wk wednesday morning

He including his wife took care of us like his own when our father died 15 yrs back;supported and encouraged my mum,came for my visiting days,monetary support,crszy rides and outings in the evenings,spiritual and moral backup.This December would have been mad fun.He loves to enjoy life to the fullest

Its been a sad week for us!Rip Dee

So sorry.

May God console you and all he left behind.

blank:
I have said none of those things. I am speaking of a natural affinity for people who look after you. It's natural to be drawn to people who take care of you. You don't have to hate one side to love the other side.

As per training of kids, no one needs to do that even from the maternal side. I am referring to those cousins/nieces etc that stay with you while you enroll them in school. A symbiotic relationship. It's easier when the person is from the maternal side because those don't mind helping usually while those from the paternal side usually want to waited on.

This is the reality of the Nigerian situation. Until men start taking a proactive role in taking care of their kids, it will keep happening.

I think often times, we know these things, we just want to be funny.

A lady who would rush to help her married sister would expect to be catered for hands and foot in her married brother's house.

Jarrow:
Lol... interesting stuff is that one person's paternal family is most times, another's maternal family.

And trust me, they adjust accordingly.

safarigirl:
everyone to their fetishes I suppose.

I mean, if you want to watch yourself shagging, put up mirrors in the room and watch yourself shag

As in.

Acidosis:
s

Yes, certainly. A lot women read meanings to every damn thing!

Of course, you are not at the receiving end.

It is easy for a rich man to call a poor man lazy.

Acidosis:
Who else notice the trend of comments from women on this thread??

I pity men in this life




If you're a man and you're reading this, ensure you recondition the mind of your woman o before marriage. Women have been conditioned by generational experiences to hate your family.

Bar exceptions, nobody can turn anyone against everyone for long periods of time.

Some people would see through the facade and enlighten others.

Your moniker is a guy so your struggles is not necessarily your wife's struggles.

Except you are saying all children are stupid, maternal and paternal families have equal chance to prove themselves.

How did this thread degenerate to this?

pocohantas:

True na.

Ithream:
Just about yesterday after speaking with my Class advicer, I was left in a depressed state.

I am currently on my 400level IT and I am to return back to school this coming new year by January. He told me about my result. He said my CGPA is the highest so far. Which makes me his best student. I asked him for the exact CGPA which he replied with with a *4.06*. My God I wondered why he was glad to break such a sad news to me. I thought I had chances of making it a 4.1+ the previous semester. I told him thanks. But I know I wasn't Happy

I did the maths...and I found out that the highest CGPA I can make is 4.2+ after my final year(2 semesters left) I feel terrible right now. How can I shift it to 4.3+ Cgpa? I have heard of students borrowing courses but I don't really know if this could be one of their reasons for doing such.


NB: I am not in anyway trying to make it look like having such a CGPA is bad or I am ungrateful. It's just that I have plans of applying for scholarships to study abroad but won't such a Gp hinder me?

Pls I need someone to placate me with motivational words. I feel like a looser. After all these years of studies! What if I loose the passion for school or studies after returning next year? I feel real bad

What if I might even loose the chance of being the best graduating student of my set like my class adviser had said

You need someone to placate you with motivational words.

Is your problem your depressed state or the fact that you might not meet the requirements for future scholarships and win best graduating student?

If it is the latter, what would placating you do?

Magically increase your GP?

I think you are trolling.

And if you are not, bend down, read your books and see if straight As in your remaining semesters would remedy the situation.

safarigirl:
Was this epistle really necessary?

Yes, everybody failed; the girl, the guy, the distributor of the video, the school, parents and guardians.

There are consequences for failure. You don't get to fail and continue like nothing happened, the point of a mistake is to learn from it. The girl made s mistake and has to pay for it by way of her dignity being spread online and her expulsion, the boy made a mistake and has also been expelled, albeit, he was smart enough to keep his face out of it, the school made mistakes and their name is equally being tarnished in the media, the parents mistake has led to their children's shame all over the internet.

The lesson to learn from all this is that, you should never create a sex tape and if you must, keep your face out of it, so, even if it is traced back to you, you can deny it with your full chest

I honestly don't understand the appeal of knowingly making a sex tape.

You want to keep watching yourself in a certain state or what?

Anyways, before Christmas, everyone would move on to other things.

When people girls especially are warned to be careful, avoid immoral places etc, they say we are old school or denying them their freedom.

What kind of stvpid interviewer is this?

You are interviewing X, why drag Y into it?

When they are coconut heads and churn nonsense.

OH, what are you looking for in a man?

What is 'can you marry an old man like Regina Daniels'?

Next time, the babe should be wiser and say no comment or this is not about Regina or something.

zmpp:
what is wrong in being a housewife in this modern time?

men, do you place more value on non-housewives more than housewives?

Ask the man you intend to marry.

It is his thoughts that ultimately matter.

monex:
whether he cheated on her on not, domestic violence is domestic violence. You can't start cherrypicking.

we will not win the war on domestic physical violence with this kind of attitude.

Did you read the last paragraph of my post?

Besides, A husband beating his wife because he caught her gyrating underneath another man on their bed or a wife hitting the husband with turning stick is not domestic abuse.