₦airaland Forum

komzy589:
Two irresponsible fools had sex to give birth to kids like these and u re here blaming government. Keep blaming!

What in God's name are you talking about?

Is it the parents', responsibility to fix the schools?

Please do not be wicked.

Congratulations to her.

Three for the three years she waited + one.

She should lock up and throw the key in the bottomless pit.

crackhaus:
The west before the women's suffrage/rights movement took off, or the west after that?

After especially the conservatives.

Their major point is that a wife can't work and still be effective as a wife.

shadeyinka:
No!
It's not that easy especially in a country with no social security like Nigeria. If you are jobless and with no home support, the tendency is to justify the abuse. No body will prefer a slow death due to hunger and homelessness to intermittent boxing brawls.

The wife knows she had committed a blunder of choice but she's trying to save face by pretending that all is well...she can handle the "minor glitch"

Trust me, most DV cases I know, the wives had their own money .

I have seen wives who made up their minds to leave, saved up, learnt a trade, sold the luxurious items they had, kept their heads low and disappeared one day without a trace.

Don't you wonder that if the men send them away, they make something good out of their lives no matter how rough it is initially?

Cc: Viking07

ornicus:
It is not about money. There was a lady who was carrying her unemployed husband. Bank worker woman. The husband was doing all of this and more. The guy eventually killed her. I am trying to remember her name.

Our society has conditioned most women to stay in abusive marriages

There is no support system as police will usually push the woman back to the man

Our religious institutions are also not helping

In all, you will have to be a person with a very very strong will.

It is about far more than money. I am sure you will find that that man's financial contributions are insignificant

The woman was titilayo arowolo. In the end her husband stabbed her to death,

Thank you.

The money is a minute factor.

Graxie:
How can there be no rape in marriage? You mean because of the vow I had with my husband, he can come and have sex with me anytime he wants without my consent? You mean I lost my right to say no, I don't feel like having now. Hmmmm. I am married by the grace of God, 11 years now, thank God for my husband. I will teach my daughter to look for a man like the father that will not pounce on her just because of marriage vows. I know men like that will be available in her generation.

Your signature shows you are a Christian ma'am.

Read 1 Cor 7 where it talks of both parties losing rights over their bodies.

1 Corinthians 7 King James Version (KJV)
7 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.

2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.

4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.

5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

I think it is mischief and un christianly to paint that everlasting consent only on the wife's end.

Plead:
I agree with bukatyne, there’s nothing like rape in an African marriage.

It is not African marriage thingy sef.

Plead:
Women who don’t have a tangible source of income shouldn’t be getting married! They won’t hear ... let them continue rushing into marriage without money/job

97% of women who stay in abusive (physical or emotional ) marriages are staying because they lack funds to get their lives all together again if they leave . They depend on their husbands for survival and as such can’t leave irrespective of the treatment being meted to them . Such a shame

I wish you were right.

ANY woman who wants to leave an abusive marriage will do so with or without a job.

Quote me anywhere.

computergeek:
What's up people? This is an update thread on the wife battery case. This one might also be a bit lengthy, so bear with me. Lots of people have been asking me about the case, and I had to make this update to fill everyone in at once.

So about two weeks ago I brought an issue here about my neighbor who usually watches my four-year-old boy for me.

Read the previous thread here:

https://www.nairaland.com/5483166/wife-battery-should-drop-police

Just a little summary. She's a stay-at-home mom of two with a nursing baby and a boy who is my son's age. I used to leave work to pick the two boys up and take them to her house while I return to my office. I didn't know this before, but her husband is a very abusive man and my son unfortunately witnessed him beat her to near death twice.

The second time, he was the one that called me with her phone and I came and took her to hospital.

The issue then was that she didn't want to go ahead with the police case my husband and I filed for her. The man nearly murdered her and threatened over the phone to kill her if she ever comes back to his house. We had the call recorded but she insisted that he was only angry and would calm down soon enough.


She begged us not to call her family or report to anyone, that she can handle it by herself. One of her friends came to help her in the hospital while I took her one-year-old girl with me. I actually insisted.


,......


So that terrible incident happened on a Friday, while I created the thread on a Sunday. On Thursday, the evil man finally came home. He hadn't called once to ask of his children. His son David was in the hospital and wasn't even going to school that week. I had to take the little baby to my office with me, and my only luck is that she's not the feisty sort.


He didn't come over to my house to check on the girl. I wasn't even sure he knew that she was with me. A fence separates our house and theirs but I heard his car rev in for the first time in days.


My husband and I had decided to bring her family into the case rather than just let it die off like that. We contacted her elder brother without her knowledge and told him everything. They are local people but we felt he would be more enlightened than others. He told us he would take things from there and that we should go and withdraw the police report. At least, we had done our bit and cleared our consciences.


My son kept asking me when David would resume school, but I told him to let David be with his mom. I didn't know how to tell the kid that he wouldn't be staying at David's house after school again. I can't have him in a toxic environment. I'd started picking him up and bringing him back to the office with me, and that's how I intend to keep things for now.


The lady came home last Friday, after about a week in the hospital. She called me everyday to ask after her child and I visited once with the baby while she was still at the hospital. She still has bandages on her arms and face and still can't open her left eye properly. She came to my house in the evening with her younger sister to collect her baby. I noticed she was embarrassed. She just said a word of thanks and demanded for the girl. I packed the girl's things (even the ones I bought with my money) and handed her over.

Before she left, she told me not to worry about David anymore, that she would start going to get him herself. I told her that even though my son returns to my office with me now, I can still pick up her son because I have to pass the street's entrance on my way back to work. She could be waiting for him whenever I'm about to drive by. She said no. That she'll be fine.


Well, we did our bit. We took some pieces of advice here and got her family involved. But we withdrew the police case for peace to reign. The woman has vehemently refused to take her life and kids seriously, but we've done our best. I don't know what her brother did, but I think he spoke to the lady's husband. I remembered seeing her on Thursday when I went to get my son from school. She was waiting to pick up David. I greeted her and offered them a ride. She refused, saying she'll order an O'Trike (Keke Napep that's like Uber).

Well, everybody should dey their own dey. God knows I've tried.



Thank you all for the advice and genuine guidance. For those who were more concerned about my son because of the violence he witnessed, he's fine. He misses playing with David and Sandra, but my network admin has two boys aged 5 and 8 who also hang out in the office after school. At least my son gets to play with them in the conference room. He's happy and I'm keeping him occupied with activities so his mind won't switch on those memories. My husband enrolled him in a new kids' football club and they go to play on Wednesday and Saturday evenings.


The best security a woman can have is her own gainful source of income. If that woman has something doing, I'm not sure she'd go back to an adulterer who beat her with the intent to murder. Women, please be careful with your lives. Think about your kids. If you die, who will look after them? Don't let society pressurize into marrying beasts.



Lalasticlala, Dominique, Mynd44, Seun, RoyalRoy, Ishilove, Pocohantas.

For some reasons, I never followed the first thread.

I am concerned about your son: please do not tell him to forget what he witnessed, that memory is etched forever.

Let your hubby use it as an opportunity to teach him right conflict resolution skills, manhood and marriage.

That way, he has seen the bad in that family and the right thing in yours.

It is well.

SilvaBullet:
I thought it is tradition for OPs or other forum participants to mention someone whose contribution to the discuss is sought after?

I've been a regular participant on this section and it is within reasonable expectations to get mentions on hot/controversial topics.

In the OP, yes.

On a specific post when the quoted moniker is not active on the whole thread?

I hear you.

iyawoalaba:
In secondary school, there was a time my parents had about 4 cars. One day, someone asked me, "which cars are for your dad and which ones for your mum?" I was confused! That was the first time I came across the school of thought that some things are for the husband and some for the wife. In my innocence I replied, "all the cars are for my parents."

At another time, my husband and I were chatting with some undergraduates on a campus and one of the ladies said that it's generally believed and said that 'he' money is our money but 'she' money is my money!

These two scenarios beg the question; what does the Bible say?

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24. (Check out Matthew 19:5-6, Ephesians 5:25-33)

God sees the husband and wife as one flesh! They become one. Only a crazy man will say, "this home theater belongs to half of me, while the deep freezer belongs to the other half of my body!

There is also the issue of married couples having separate bedrooms. I am still trying to wrap my head around how one flesh will sleep in two different bedrooms at the same time!

Another common thing among many others that fights against God's concept of one flesh in marriage is the issue of 'privacy!' So a man/woman puts a password on his/her phone( which is not a bad thing especially if you have kids like mine!) but the spouse doesn't know the password nor pick the phone when it rings or beeps.
Genesis 2:25 says And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

The word 'naked' also depicts that they had no secrets from each other. Neither had any skeleton in the cupboard that they were ashamed of. Yes, this was before the fall. Before the first Adam fell and we all fell in him. The good news is that the second Adam (Christ) came, did the will of the Father in restoring us to Him because no sin was found in Him!1Corinthians 15:45-49.

Marriage is God's idea. He has a blue print for it as found in the scripture. You can't go in with your own rules. If you do, at best you would have a seemingly okay marriage which will not glorify God nor cause Christ to be formed in you or at worst, a crashed marriage. Choose to do it God's way.

SilvaBullet:
What could have been wrong mentioning me?

Nothing

I wonder why he did when you are not on this thread.

MedicH:
U spoke sense. A strong sense of character and awareness of self does it for me.

Thanks a lot.

OlawaleBammie:
Lol, and tins can not b more logical Dan Dis

Thanks

franchasng:
It sounds strange to me; you left your husband because he doesn't treat you well, and you went to squat another man who is molesting you and your daughters and you can endure it, what more is foolishness than this

Who knows if her husband got tired of her because she was unfaithful and maybe whenever the husband tried to correct her, she doesn't listen, leading the man to start treating her unfairly, who knows Because such a woman than covers an act like this can do and undo

What is more foolish than this?

Very apt question.

crackhaus:
When you start putting it on, don't forget to show me

I wish.

Mubbyleey:
God bless you ohhh... Since women football keeps advancing, i see no reason why women would officiate men's game. It's makes no sense at all...

Both gender should face their football joor...

Very true.

oyigah:
Damn... Babe you are a detective

Why?

Acme77:
Please, permit me to add... with money they don't have.

Gbam!

prestigiouslady:
I'm officially and happily divorced now and I have my peace of mind... I heard he's married too now..
I have my daughter who is heaven sent and I'm happy.

Thanks for asking ma'am

Good for you and I wish you all the very best.

Davesaves:
THE NORMAL THING THAT RUIN MARRIAGES OF CELEBRITIES

Whatever it is, too sad.

Elder010:
Is There Any Disadvantage In Marrying An Intelligent Or Smart Woman?

The question is 'Would an intelligent or smart woman marry you'?

1mrprolific7:
Naija go dey form Yankee.
No go your village go celebrate New yam festival

Don't mind them.

Maybe they prefer Obodo Oyibo demons to the demons in their village.

Ginaz:
Oh my !!! I completely hated drugs when I was a child and still do till now. I would hide them in my pockets and thrown them away when no one was looking .

I prefer taking injections to drugs though .

Hahahahaha

Tried that once at the sick bay in sec schl, they discharged me sharp sharp.

I can stand Panadol Extra, it knocks me out and I wake up new.

You see Paracetamol?

It gives me fever till tomorrow.

Any medication I am given with Paracetamol, I keep it to a side.

And who brought this to FP after the discussion has ended?

GreatResearcher:
This qustn is not necesary. No hoe shud b given a dime

That your wife and other women around you are hoes doesn't mean the story is same for everyone.

Fountainofyouth:
Lord, let's say, I am your wife, after doing house chores, caring for the kids etc. and very much physically drained and tired, and I just want to sleep, you come to me for sex, I say no and give obvious reasons, you insist, and then there is a struggle, you force me down, insert yourself into my dry self, thereby injuring me in the process, what will you call that scenerio? Be sincere with yourself this time, cos I know you like supporting bukatyne, after that ordeal, what do you think will be my state of mind? Don't you think I will feel violated physically and emotionally? What will you then call it, rape or consent?

How did I know you would bring up this example?

First, no sane husband who loves you (it is your duty to choose him, you say yes) will jump on you while you are dry yada yada if these chores are a one time thing. E.g. You deep cleaning on Saturdays might make you tired. If you use the cop out of chores to absconf from your sexual duty daily, fa fa fa fowl!

For an average man to 'force' himself on the wife means she has been giving him this same tired story all the time and some would rather force their wives than commit adultery. Just how the wives spike their husbands' drinks and jump on him.

If a wife is constantly 'tired' as a result of chores, she needs to sit back to review her schedule. Am I focusing on too much necessary stuffs? Are there stuffs I can enlist my husband to be responsible for? Can I outsource these things? Or is it a time management thingy? Or is that I am no longer attracted to my husband because he has served his purpose of delivering me from spinsterhood and given me kids?

After honest accessment, the wife should engage her husband with her findings and they work towards a resolution that suits all the parties.

If it is a mindset thing, she renews her mind to love her husband and accept the gift of his sexuality. Sometimes, the woman is dry because she is not turned on by him or at all. She can tell him to massage her body or give her adequate pre-intimacy to set her in the mood and before she knows it, she is gyrating to his strokes.

Have you ever wondered why most mothers are never tired to attend to the needs and wants of their kids because they see them as priority?

Have you ever wondered why most girlfriends cook, clean and fvck their bfs because they are still looking for the ring?

Sex is God's gift to humanity in marriage. It restores, makes a woman glow, makes a man tender and loving, makes a woman submissive, binds them together, is a form of recreation and multiplication. It is also a major stress reliever (people tired can try it esp. when the partner is gentle), keeps up with unity in marriage, allows for the opening and joining on a physical and soul level.

One of the major ways a man expresses lo e to his wife is that he is always fascinated with her body and he wants to make love to her. One of the major ways a woman expresses love to her husband to receiving his sexual advances with joy and enthusiasm.


The Red Pillers and Pick Up Artists know this and advise husbands and men generally to cheat once in a while so they are not 'addicted' to their wives. Extreme feminists also know this and bring up martial rape and all sorts to tell a wife her body is hers to control in marriage.

And what does LordKO always support me even mean?

P. S.: You don't need to thank me or acknowledge I am right. Just keep these things to heart and practice in your marriage and testify to others.

Remember that the Yam and the Knife are in your hands. You have the power of choice. Choose a sane man who loves you.

Beosten:
It means "beauty". But the name is often given to men.

Interesting.

Can you find the feminine version?

mrwonlasewonie:
well,she could be a ghost.never say never

Abi na

Ghostina

So sad.

The Govt obviously doesn't prioritize education.

I am sure these parents can't afford better.

Govt schools ought to be a succour for the masses.

Instead of her to hide her head, no....

She will flaunt and flaunt till she meets her waterloo.

Beosten:
Men, most of the time, bear the name Aluko. But I'm planning to name my daughter Aluko. What's your suggestion, please?

Why do you want to name your daughter Aluko?

What does it mean?