₦airaland Forum

GreatDad19:
Countless of times, I have apologised. I have accepted my fate

Wahala dey.

Ask your wife what you can do to make the marriage back again.

highqueen:
So many men are dreaded by some lady's love for money, maybe because of the negative impact it has on the lady by leading her into making money in illegal ways.

But at the same time, we ought to have the positive insight on the reason our men should rather go for women that loves money.

So here are my reasons:

1) SHE ACTS AS A MOTIVATOR: When you wife a lady that loves money, you will always be motivated to financially, probably because, she may be ahead of you both financially and in economic aspect, and probably, you as a man wouldn't want that for yourself, so your financial drives will be proliferated. You will always wanna be the head, so, this becomes a driving force that will push you moving forward to maintain your ego as a man.

2) SHE HELPS EXPUNGE THE MIND OF A MEDIOCRE: A woman that has set a high standard for herself wouldnt relent in making sure that her partner has the same school of thought as hers. She will make sure that the mind of mediocrity is annihilated in the family, she will always encourage you and wouldn't want you to settle for less as she has already place her standard. A woman like this will not be okay with just a 2 bedroom flat, she would wanna explore, she won't be comfortable with eating only Garri/fufu everyday of the week, she makes you realise that you have not yet arrived.

3) SHE BRINGS BUSINESS IDEAS AND STRATEGIES: And yes, she will bring up so many business STRATEGIES to boost the financial standard/level of her husband and family. She knows the right business that can yearn more profit, she has knowledgeable ideas on technical know how, she's always drawing plans of the next business move to keep you going.
This kind of woman will always support her husband positively in business wise. She gets projects that will lead into skyrocketing financially. She'd be simply amazing.

4) SHE GUIDES YOU IN INVESTING PROPERLY: Any lady that knows the value of money will also know how to invest properly, she makes investment deals on long term profits, she firstly helps you acquire landed properties, equipment and resources. She doesn't depend on the short term investment rather she looks beyond it just to attain the best of it.

These type of lady always marks out good plan for the family, they help their husbands in any wise investment plans instead of slaying with make ups and clothes.

5) SHE'S ALWAYS GONNA MAKE YOU PROUD: A good wise woman will always make you proud because she is always gonna be successful, you will be proud of her anytime, anywhere.

You will always be grateful for having such a wonderful woman as your wife, you will over the years appreciate her efforts in making you a better man financially.

Love a woman that loves to love money in positive ways and see your coast enriched. You can't always do it alone, you need a sensible woman to handle your projects wisely.
Thank you.

Love of money is the root of all evil.

I am guessing you mean 'a financially savvy lady' or 'a financially intelligent lady'.

Anybody (males/female) who loves money will be desperate.

JoannaSedley:
IMHO,
Sex is overrated. There are other things that can make me have explosive and mind blowing o,rgAsm. Like if I receive a gift of say, a latest Mercedes C or S class or BMW . I will be orgasming every minute of the day for the rest of my active sex life.

Hahahahahshahaha

bluefilm:
Hmm... hanty chichi na wa for you o!

Maybe you should act like that your friend some years ago who wanted to have two men at once servicing her.

I'm sure you will get that orgasm you seek that way.

Common sense is not common.

Trust

From the topic, the Governor is right.

Apart from our inept leaders, the average Nigerian is very wicked and the moment minimum wage is increased, there will be serious inflation in the market because they believe Nigerians have more disposable income.

The fat wages of the greedy politicians will not cause nationwide inflation because they are inconsequential to the general earning power.

Acidosis:
Ayo Shogunro the dullard. Nobody can treat anybody unfairly without their approval.

As hard as this is to swallow, it is absolutely true.

Elder0001:
It makes case because it can be obtained in many Nigerian homes.

What if the wife can't flex with her friends however she has an allocation for aso ebi? What if there are some other things she can do?

Besides, a number of wives go for weekend getaway in groups, movie nights, parties or plain old women associations.

And are the wives even interested in flexing and going out?

It is not enough to say that because ten men don't 'allow' their wives go out, women are maltreated in Nigeria.

And there is no law that can allow husbands not inclined towards letting their wives out to do so.

OmonoWrites:
Ayo Sogunro is Nigerian author, essayist and human rights lawyer. He is known for his work in social advocacy and for the protection of civil rights and the rights of minorities in Nigeria.

He went on Twitter recently to express his views on why women are still being treated unfairly by their male counterparts using an illustration everyone can relate to. It makes for interesting reading, see his writing:

1. I once asked a friend if he was okay if his wife went out with friends at a bar every evening while he tended home. He said no. Yet, he did this daily very easily. That was how he came to understand that we do not treat women equally with men in Nigeria.

See the rest http://lingoafrica.com/five-quotes-to-prove-women-are-still-being-treated-unfairly/

While I don't contest the topic, the example in the OP is about a man running his home which doesn't make case for the topic.

There is no rule which can change the man in the OP to become receptive to his wife's mingling.

IamEmem:
Oga don't say what u don't know, neither of her siblings call me and I don't care...even the elder brother don't call rather I do the calling once in a while. So ask question before u conclude. Thanks

@OP:

Does your wife call people on a regular? Does she have the habit of randomly calling people or just she only communicate when there is an issue to address?

2nd Tinsel wedding breaking up

kidman96:
Don't mind them. Buhari is putting policies in place so that these multinational companies won't be coming here to swindle Nigerians anyhow they are angry they are no longer able to just come to Nigeria make profit at the expense of the ordinary citizens and just leave.

Which Nigerian companies are 'replacing' the international ones?

Who told you that Nigerian companies are faring any better?

Do you know how many Nigerian companies has gone under?

Tinsel stars hooking up, please let it last.

frozen70:
Just because you changed your gender from male to female, disguising

You mean I am a transgender or I changed my moniker from male to female?

Anyways, I over-estimated your intelligence.

postmann:
1. It's not as simple as you might have put it. But I'm obviously a conservative.

2. I believe a woman's first call is her home. Irrespective of the changing times, the office or wherever one makes his income is a warzone. It is precarious for family when both parents are at the warfront simultaneously trying to make ends meet.

3. Sometimes it can't be helped but it's the children who suffer the neglect and ill-exposure such arraignment brings.

4. A wife is free to pursue her own ambition when her children have attained a manageable age. No woman really likes to be idle. But a true wife always finds fulfillment in helping her husband fulfill his dreams. A true wife finds her dreams even up to 90% entwined with her husband's.

5. Women should attain education to the highest level if it falls within their interest.

6. If she's the career-first and family-second type of woman, she best get a husband who shares same value genuinely. But keep in mind that men are generally easy preys to homely and domesticated women.

7. Just about every profession needs a female professional, especially when it involves evasive procedures that gender sensitive people may find offensive.

Thanks for answering

1. I believe most things are simple. You should be able to in simple words tell us what you believe in whether it is politically correct or not. Conservative meaning? I just read that conservatives of America were actually liberals till 'progressives' hijacked the word 'liberals' who were forced to converse what the old America stood for.

2. I have addressed this in another thread. A woman's call is not her home; it is what she is destined to be. That doesn't negative been a good wife, daughter, mother, sister, daughter-in-law etc. The office is a warzone for whosoever makes it a warzone. I have been opportuned to see people strive with godly character that subordinates and superiors can testify. I however agree with you that both parents out of the home for extended hours day in day out especially when they are very dependent is not healthy. Maybe due to my personality, I love to live life to the fullest so I am a strong advocate for balance. Sleeping in the office daily is obviously not an example of living.

3. It depends. Some people are lucky enough to have their parents take care of their kids. Grandparents are also tasked with raising their grandkids. Some people also have a good support system with creche near the home/office, in-office creche, a year old leave, the wife taking about two years off work etc.

4. I really don't know any ambition that you jump into. This means a wife with certain ambitions will start building her ambitions together with the kids and go deeper as it matures. Like I say, I have not seen any 'career' that starts from 0 - 10 in 5 years. Some women like to be idle which there is nothing wrong in, afterall, there are men made for such. One of the marks of a soulmate couple is that their destinies are intertwined. Even if it is different, both of them if serious will support one another. Considering the fact you are not a wife, I find it funny that you think a 'true wife' should be satisfied with helping the husband fulfilling his role. It means such a woman has no ambition in the first place which is also not a bad thing. A true wife with ambitions helps her husband and fulfils hers with the husband's help.

5. Of what use is attaining an education if it would not be useful?

6. I have lived long enough to know that there is no one size fits all; a man claiming to live Mrs. Domesticated will cheat with a slay queen or even leave the domestic goddess to marry the slay queen. Another man who claims to like slay queens with 5 inch multicoloured nails will sleep with a maid. Even at that, every man needs a different woman at each face of his life and ability for his wife to develop herself into thoes roles matters. And that only few people are career-first, family-second people. Extremely few. Someone leaving their house by 5:30am and returning by 9pm due to traffic is not a career lover, they are probably not making enough to live near the office or get jobs near the house. Some others that sleep in the office is because they do not have peace at home. You will know a career lover when he/she has same opportunities nearer home and with lesser hours and still chooses the harder way.

7. I don't understand.

frozen70:
Get married first, then allow your wife to open a beer parlour

Then come back and tell me your observations.

Let's start with this home work first

And why can't a married woman open a beer parlour?

postmann:
You know you can't have one leg in Christianity and the other leg outside. For there is no room for feminism in Christianity.

Titus 2 : 3-5

Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4 Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

"To be busy at home". Not necessarily being a house wife but putting her family first over her personal ambition.

I was expecting the feminism part. No disappointment.

First, I do not see how equal opportunities for women is anti Christ.

Again, I know this discussion is always divided between career/staying at home however, it is a wrong approach.

Most people (men & women) don't have careers: they have jobs they work to pay the bills.

Everyone is created for two purposes:
1. Worship God
2. Individual/distinct purposes.

We are all expected to put the will of God/ our purposes over personal ambitions. Part of which will be a good wife/husband/child/patent/neighbour/colleague/customer etc. so that our testimony will not be ruined.

Besides how can a woman's calling be wifehood and motherhood when these relationships end on earth and we are spiritual beings?

For example, Esther was to save the Jew's, Mary was to birth the saviour etc. Do you think these women would have said to me successful if they failed at these duties?

I asked you some questions on another thread which I will try to respond to tomorrow.

postmann:
1. Nothing wrong with an ambitious woman save she marries a man with a matching ambition.

2. You're in grave error if you measure a woman's success outside her role as a good and dutiful wife and mother. Most of them sacrificed their families for their career. And the result is wayward children exposed to drugs and indecencies at a very tender age.

3. The woman of prov 31 puts her family first. And yes, she works from home and she controls her time not her employers.

4. Remember the rich woman when her son was sick while at the farm with his father? The father sent the boy home to his mother. She didn't have to seek and wait for permission from a superior in her workplace before attending to her son.

5. To each his own like you said, but for women married their first call of duty is home not career.

1. This competitive nature is beyond me. And it is not godly.

2. Oh, quit the drama; women siting at home watching their kids grow does not necessarily produce good results. And for anyone to be a success, the person (male or female) has to succeed in all areas of his/ her life. And sir, it is actually men/fathers who are tasked with training their children /impacting/ transferring knowledge. We all know how Eli turned out.

3. She works from home? Did anybody in their time work from an office apart from judges and priests? Rising up at dawn to inspect a field doesn't sound like the work from home you have in mind.

4. The father sent the boy home to his mother? The mother was on the farm with him. And apart from slaves, nobody had the employer/employer relationship we have today. And it is a myth to think that doing your own thing will give you more time except we are talking selling sweets in front of the house.

5. A woman's first point of duty is neither her home nor career: it is what she has been destined to be.

IamD18:
I want to get that fact from you following your initial explanations.

Did the bible instruct us to sell women into marriage?

The Bible teaches how to sell slaves and treat them properly in the Old Testament.

Even if you equate bride price to selling a woman, nowhere tells you how to go about it.

Just make sure the price is worth the sale.

Jesus Christ paid with his life.

Oh well!

IamD18:
In other words. The holy bible instructed us to sell humans into marriage?

If you say so.

Do you have anyone for sale?

@Elder0001:

Brideprice is Biblical (or should I say Jewish) and and if I could scrap it, I would.

However Indians pay to marry their men yet they are maltreated on top their money.

I like how Yorubas adapted it: we return the brideprice to the groom that we are not selling our daughters. The husband brings a list of things for engagement (depending on the family) and the bride's family hosts the engagement and gives token gifts to the groom's family.

That way, nobody is bought and sold.

[quote author=postmann post=72656378]I like the fact that you have defined yourself:

Please don't marry an ambitious woman... Too many women are bitter for you to add to their numbers.

Because anyone who is diligent in what they do with God's favour will make it...

We have Omotola, Prof. Dora Akunyili, Okonjo-Iweala, Oby Ezekwezili, Mrs. Awosika, Toyin Onibanjo of August Secrets etc.

I deliberately picked women who grew from their hard work. Imagine they had husbands like you; we would probably not know them.

I have studied the Bible and nowhere have I seen where women should not be ambitious or work or whatever. The high standard wife ( the virtuous woman) had businesses outside the home, Deborah was a judge, the rich woman who housed Elijah worked alongside her husband etc. The households also had helps aka servants and slaves. It was almost a given.

Please don't get me wrong: there is nothing wrong with the kind of wife you want/home you envision....

Don't just drag a woman who has dreams and kill them.

All these should really teach women to first know themselves so they know the kind of man who suits them.

Hmmmmm

What is the difference between a woman who has multiple lovers to train her kids, a woman who slept with the boss once to secure her promotion, the woman who sleeps with a man to secure a job for her husband, the man who forges his age to qualify for a job, the man who reps with his boss's wife for extra cash, the man who adds extra zeros to make more money, the man who siphon's people's money, the subordinate who sets up his boss to take over his position, the trader who passes off fake as original, the trader who uses false measurements etc.

freemi:
wt is ths 1 sayin? My it wasnt gotten wella wt legs wide open b4 u wer given birth to. If it wsnt, u wont b here typin dat.

I am sorry, I don't do ghetto.

Move on.

Too long age gap for starters.

Almost 50yrs when she will just be 35.

That said, the wife is funny.

Divorce because the husband is a 'one minute man?'

This wife na just flatmate.

Funny thread.

Well, it is free information for the women especially unmarried:

Know that there are men like Toks2008 and decide if that is the type of husband you want.

Yes, I know he claims to be against adultery and how he is part of the miraculous 1% that doesn't cheat.

However, if you endorse cheating, then you sound as someone lacking the opportunity to do so than not doing it because of your 'moral' stance.

If this thread is highlighting on the emotional disadvantage of divorce, then I am pleased to tell you that a lot more women feel worse in their marriages.

In fact, I believe men whose wives left them when they were younger are 'luckier': they can get other partners if they so wish. You need to see the number of lonely old men whose wives have abandoned them and become tourists in their children's homes.

And men remarrying is not necessarily because they are at an advantage; they might be remarrying because they can't cope otherwise.

Now if anyone leaves a marriage due to flimsy reasons (and cheating is NOT), he/she will pay for it.

If a woman marries a potential cheat and cries murder when he actually does so, she is very unserious.

postmann:
Elder0001, I'm afraid your take on marriage as it affects the female gender is subjective to your personal perspective which unfortunately, is always tilted towards what's obtainable in other climes. But I won't blame you on that. It's a near nonexistence to find one whose outlook on most issues is completely unbiased.

With that in mind, let me address your views as expressed in your narrative;

Your opener "women are filing for divorce at a higher rate than men..." is based on research conducted in foreign climes and culture that is nonparallel to the locality which you hope to address. Here marriage is sought after like a precious treasure irrespective of the motive and expectations of the intended players. And yes, divorce is still viewed as a social stigma in this part of the world unlike in the climes from where you borrowed your narrative. You must understand the sociocultural differences in both climes and tailor your narrative accordingly.

Your point number 1 leaves me aghast. Most "progressive" thinkers like you fail to embrace the truth that the conservatives have a right to their choice just like you.

A woman who choose the honorable part of being a house wife, to tend the kids, look after the home and see to her Husband's needs is being ridiculed by your kind. She'd never feel insecure or have a lesser sense of self worth unless someone like you tell her she took a self-depreciating path.

Women who are fortunate enough to be house wives are the last line of defense against the sweeping assault besieging the family unit. They ought to be celebrated.

No amount of civilization can reverse the biological program that conditions women to look towards men for financial support. Even the few who are financially self reliant are by no means happier than those who depend on their man. Neither are women who out-earn their husband emotionally happy with the situation.

Let's just say man has always failed in his attempt at reversing nature.


@ point number 2;

Women were never designed from a perfect setup to be captain of their own ship. Not nature nor the CREATOR ever gave them that calling. Statistics backs me to pontificate that women find the greater joy when they help others (husband) achieve their dreams.

And no matter how evolved or smart we get, we just can't reverse nature. Career or not, a woman would still be required to do most of the house chores. She would even find her man less attractive if he does most of the chores.

The only good you can harvest from being a feminist apologist is verbal consent from your fellow emasculated men and a shrill chorus of approval from a bunch of no-good female recalcitrants. But when the mist is cleared reality paints a truer picture -- that feminism hasn't made women happier despite all the gains of gender equality.


@ number 3,;

Isn't much expected of man, to feed, clothe and protect his family? These he has been doing for centuries without complaining. So what's your point exactly?

There is gender expectations in marriage notwithstanding man's interpretation of civilization. The attempt by "progressives" as you to blur that line, to lump tasks and obligations aboard the marriage train without due regard to gender sensitivity -- with all the weakness and strength, pros and cons on both genders -- is the single biggest threat to the sustainability and preservation of the human race.

You are very much an advocate for housewives.

1. How long should this be? For life?
2. Where do you place the woman's ambitions? Or you believe she should have none?
3. Do you believe women should go to the university? Further to masters etc.?

I admire your stance on family welfare; you are traditional to the core... The husband provides and the wife keeps the home. No having one's cake and eating it like typical NLers who believe a wife should contribute to the finances/ work outside the home and still be fully responsible for the domestics.

Elder0001:
Nice points

Thanks

Shameless people.

CheeZena:
Your posts reek of the "pick me syndrome " . Yuck!

Anyway, since you are clearly ignorant or living in denial, let me state again. Even if a woman is an escort, you are not allowed to touch her without her consent.

Madam dignity, every woman should dress how they please.

Speaking of a lady's dressing leading to sexual harassment, I have experienced men, especially in markets hold me and touch me without my consent. Mind you, I don't wear a bikini to the market. I am always decently covered. Yet! These men do these things shamelessly. If you are a girl in Nigeria, you'll be familiar with this.

And when you complain they rain insults on you. " I have your type at home", "you should be happy I'm touching you", "you are not even that fine sef", " man never Bleep you before? Why you come dey do like good girl? " ,these are the things they utter shamelessly when you try to defend yourself.

You might say that they're market men but you must be a fool not to notice the similarities between the market men and the guys on this thread.

Jeez!! Why am I explaining this?

Hanty you are dumb as f*ck for trying to justify this madness.

Your post clearly tells me a lot about you.

When market men drag you, are they trying to 'sex.ually harass' you or are they soliciting their goods in a crude manner?

I am sorry I don't do gutter neither do I do ghetto.

Go back home for re-training.

temi4fash:
From what i read, and infer from the thread,The man has not started cheating on the wife, a strange woman is trying warm her way into the heart of the man. That is why i dont see anything wrong with rosy advise.

In fact, the OP should repost the first post.

I engaged Rosy here to correct the notion of cook harder, clean harder, fvck him harder advises works for most of the part; it is just rewarding bad behaviour.

If a strange woman is 'trying to warm her way into the heart of the husband', then cook and clean seems an extremely simplistic advice.

Let's go back to the OP.

Besides, who is giving this report? The husband or the wife? I know the OP is a friend.

Whose friend?