₦airaland Forum

soles21:
the only reason I'd consider bringing my sick mother to my home is because I trust my wife to take good care of her just as she's doing for me. Not because she's female.

Side eye. Can your wife trust you to physically care for her relatives in the same way? You want to claim it’s not gender based. Okay. Why are you not the one expected to provide the hands on care then? What would stop you from doing it?

Plus if you truly love your husband you'd want to take care of his sick mother you won't see it as more work.

Sounds like manipulation. You don’t tell people what to do to show they love you.

seanwilliam:
and if the her Mom comes to live with them , who is going to bear the medical bills and other financial costs ? The expectation is that the husband will bear it. Now ask yourself , is that fair?

You’re right. If the expectation was for him to bear the financial burden alone, that would be unfair.

In reality though financial expectations are not dumped on men alone. it’s only on nairaland that it happens. In real life most of your wives and moms work then come back home to be the primary home keeper still. And if you have a live in relative, they are also expected to be the primary care giver for that person all while contributing financially. And y’all get to gripe about being “providers” when in truth, you’re not.

Just be sincere to yourselves. You ask for more than you give and that’s why these stumbling blocks keep coming up in your families (not you specifically just in general).

elijah101:
So his mum is allowed to die of loneliness but the wife mum is more special abi … woman … fear woman

No I don’t think the mom should have died of loneliness. I’m just telling you what happens when dependent relatives come to live with the family. The only solution is for you guys to be more hands-on in caring for your loved ones instead of seeing it as a female role. If you remove that single reason, a lot of your wives would be less reluctant to house your relatives. They say no because it always always means more work for them. Why not make a change to that mindset?

shantti:
All the same his wife should rent a place for her mum to stay. She should then proceed to pay someone to look after her mum.

I actually agree. As there’s already tension based on what happened with his mom, it might be detrimental to her health to be in that super charged environment

Bluffly:
Stop thinking in one cube. Did the op mention asking her wife to put her life on hold, Op did not mention if they have a live in maid. So do not assume what was not mentioned.

Okay but I wasn’t referring to the OP specifically. Comprehension is key

shantti:
Who do u expect to cater for the op's mother in law's medical expense should he let her come. And who told u op cannot take care of his mum

I wouldn’t expect him to foot the bills as if it’s his responsibility. It’s not. If he helps that’s fine and wonderful but he shouldn’t be expected to do it as if his job. After all she has 3 older siblings who can contribute financially to their moms care

Samantha124:
Who were you expecting to nurse your mother had it been she stayed with you guys until she passed away?

Your wife?

Thats usually the expectation and they don’t see how that’s a big deal even though they themselves can hardly put their lives on hold for one of their own kids much less an in-law.

When sick and old in-laws come to live with the family, the expectation is that the wife will be the one to provide care for the sick and old family member. So your wife should have the final say on who’s coming for extended say in my opinion.

Because let’s face it, your wife would have been the one to give your mom bed baths, bathroom care etc. now that her mom is coming, she’s still the one who will be expected to do that. Not you.

So it might not be the presence of your mom she didn’t want. She just didn’t want the extra responsibility which invariably falls on her. Before you ask why she can’t treat your mom the way she treats her mom, know that her mom will be willing to die for her but your mom won’t. That’s the difference

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

Daily 13k? 😞😔

DaddyFreeze2020:
Don't be surprised if your wife spreads her vagina for the man who is the father of her first child, who's now bearing your surname.
Women can easily fall for an ex they have an issue with when circumstances bring them together and you're not available.

I'm not saying this to make you start doubting the faithfulness of your wife to you or create fear in you...but the thing is most women who have been fu*ked can still be refucked by their ex especially an Ex who was the first fucker

So by this logic, all the women who have ever dated you are hereby condemned as “not marriage material” since there’re a possibility they’ll say yes to you if you ever cross paths again?

Dey think small small sometimes

Hates baby mamas but is probably having unprotected sex with someone who’s not his wife.

Still wondering how baby mamas allowed themselves to become such while actively contributing to the issue.

Only fools take y’all seriously

skj1377:
Can't be 71 fa. So in 1990 he was 38

weird math

What is wrong with these overzealous idiots

sgtponzihater1:
There is no marriage in heaven. Your wife and you will have no attachment in heaven as husband and wife. Live your life like heaven is the goal. Do what you can, and leave the ones you can't.

Modern marriage favours women in most cases, as men give the best part of their resources servicing the home and these women in the name of being a man.

Men should pray at all times, never enter marriage only out of emotions and be intentional. If the woman shows the slightest sign of disloyalty, the avoid her.

Remember again that all your marriage expenses, dancing etc will end here on earth. Heaven is the goal, and that should be a man's only focus.

This advice goes to women as well.

Your brother

PonziHater

efewizey:
True words bro.but sometimes I wonder how they feel just sitting down and putting all the load on the man. And society will criticize you when you decide you have had enough. Some men are in it for the children if not majority of nigerian women can bring you down with their garbage. Especially if she has a high taste and does not have a job to fund that taste. Na before I wan kill myself with stress. Now I just leave the life as I see am. No matter what u do for them if you like give them 5million last month. The day u don't give them that same amount you go hear word.

djon78:
A point is coming in Nigeria where divorce rate may get worse than the West own. Also many will be shinning from getting married. Because our women depends so much on men but at same time makes life a living hell for our men

At least women still works for West but here many depends on there men, and still won't appreciate there men's sacrifices, seeing it more as there right.

Wise women support and appreciate there man, which encourages the men to if possible give themselves for there wives and children.

Bible no dey lie

Proverbs 14 vs 1 every wise woman builds her home, but the foolish plucks it down with her hands


We have been breeding plenty foolish ones

efewizey:
Marriage no favor us men. Na women jare. Make we no they deceive ourselves. Why are there many divorce cases in the world. Men eyes don open to see the truth. Some women are in that marriage for the benefits. Once that is no longer as they projected they will nag and make your life a living hell. 90% of nigerian women believe a man should carry all their responsibility. Even your father won't do that. Las Las make everybody just do the one them fit do. Life no get manual.

Hopefully there are enough brain cells in there for you all to understand this

Because it made no sense to begin with. I question the intelligence of people who can’t see obvious propaganda

Do you know who he’s sharing room with abroad? Mind your business OP

This is just terrible. When these people see armed young people like them who will fight them they’ll run and hide. But if it’s to sneakily attack unarmed people at night that’s where you’ll see them. Meanwhile aren’t and police presence are nonexistent until it’s time for bribe

it shows the deep hate in their hearts because all the talk about igbo taking over Lagos is just a silly talking point they are jumped onto at the last minute.
Literally have now excuse except hate

franchasofficia:
Why do you guys hate Igbos so much, bro listen, if you don't let go of this untold hatred, it will definitely mar your future life somehow no matter who you be.



You guys have been telling Igbos to leave Lagos for ages now, same you guys have been mocking Igbos for leaving Southeast and trooping to Lagos, that they should stay in Southeast and do whatever business they do there, now a young Igbo lady is telling you that if Igbos can get a seaport and an international airport approved to welcome flights from all countries, that Igbos will gladly leave Lagos and that your Lagos will become decongest of Igbos for you guys to be happy.



But instead of showing appreciation that at least some Igbos are already accepting your request to leave Lagos, you are here showing disgust for her simple suggestions.



For your info, riverport can be sited in Anambra, and Imo and Abia states have deep river that is few nautical miles away from Atlantic ocean and can host a functional riverport which Imo state Governor Hope Uzodinma is making moves to initiate. But what you guys are just after is using hate words and curse words to undermine any possible good thing from FG to Southeast and at the same time you claim to accommodate Igbos and also telling same Igbos to leave Lagos.




What do you guys really want from Igbos? Igbos just want a nation built on fairness, equity and justice for all to succeed at their own pace but you guys prefer bias nation built on bigotry, impunity and marginalization to ensure only your regions progress, why?


Igbos ask to secede, instead of you guys to be happy and allow them go so you can be free of their troubles you and your people will start drumming for war and calling them terrorists for agitating to leave Nigeria.


Okay when Igbos decide to stay with you in one Nigeria and contest election to become President, you start to attack and threaten them that an Igbo will never become President in Nigeria. Honestly you guys are really horribly wicked.



Even if there is no sea in Southeast to host a seaport, why can't you encourage federal government to find a way to construct an inland or river port or something to pacify Igbos and to show that you care about Nigeria's general growth instead of making jest of Igbos whenever they request for something that will help Southeast economy and development?



Be careful, life is deeper than online banters, be careful, be careful, don't think everything is for fun and for mockery

cocolacec:
Where will the money for the seaport come from,is it SW or SS money we will use to build one?
Let the Igbo billionaires forum donate to make the seaport a reality.You guys already have an international airport courtesy of Jibrin el Sudani.

Meanwhile Igbos can use Onne amd Portharcourt ports since they are closer to the East than Lagos.

because the ones built in Lagos was Yoruba families personal money used to build it. You’re okay enjoying collectively owned property but you want to know where the money will come from when it’s someone else’s turn 😒

why don’t you pay for those services and see how much they actually cost since it’s not a meaningful contribution to the family. Talking about being realistic and generalizing women condescendingly meanwhile you’re the one who myopically has no clue what he’s talking about.

You can never underestimate how much money those “little tasks” that you guys call female duties actually cost until there’s no woman in your house to do it for you. Then you start running around looking for one grandma or aunt to dump the kids with. Or maybe pay for those services. Or have to take time away from work to sort those things. Then you realize it’s not cheap after all.

Speaking like an ignorant child while insulting women who have a more nuanced lived experience than you ever could!!
None sense

Rayban25:
Are you for real? You think what you mentioned is really beneficial to the man in the marriage?...omo sometimes you ladies dont actually sit down to put yourself in a guys shoes...you think everything is rainbow and sunshine. First of all a lot of men in Nigeria dont want to get married because of the economic situation

Number 2 even if they wanted to get married and have 4 or 5 kids you think his income alone will carry all of you? Unless you're willing to contribute substantially to the marriage just leave this fairy tale fantasy cause only a small percentage of men can afford to make you fulltime housewife with five kids

So please face reality.

Zonefree:
Eve started evil in the world. God and Adam were best friends until Eve came.

right

Zonefree:
Women are naturally evil.

You’re right. Not men. who are statistically and consistently responsible for the most evil ever committed on this earth.

Zonefree:
Please leave innocent men out of this.

okay

Remember that when you generalize women

Mvena:
Happy birthday to the Meme queen happy birthday to me, myself and I

Happy birthday 🎂🎈🎊🎉🎁

Zonefree:
In other news, Ondo pastor raped and killed a nursing mother inside his Church, and now Kolada Ajayi raped two girls inside orphanage home.

Na only una know wetin una dey put for that amala and gbegiri wey una dey chop wey make una gbola no dey stay one place.

so it’s not a male problem, it’s a tribe problem? Okay 😒

No one can trap you with pregnancy if you wear protection

IyaebeTheGreat:
She should get off social media with this stupid manipulation, so it is now she'll be celebrating here son's birthday on social media because what? Is she thinking her son will replace Ifeanyi in Davido's life? Rubbish. She intentionally wanted to trapp Davido with this child but she failed woefully. If you think you can trapp a man who doesn't truly love you with pregnancy, you are deceiving yourself because he'll hardly come around you and that child and no amount of manipulation will make him bow to you and that child. Davido will always love chioma and kids birthed by chioma for him more than any other opportunistic woman out there.

More billions with nothing to show for it

Maobichek:
My Mom and elder sisters are not like that, my Mom contributed immensely to our upbringing and my sisters are doing so because my parents taught us to be hard working and contribute to our immediate family.

Most women that are respected in their homes paid their dues, they didn't have the mindset that a man will provide everything in the family nor they own their husband properties by being only his wife.

I’m not responsible for your lack of comprehension

And then some call it not being emotional meanwhile anger, rage, frustration etc are all emotions

Klass99:
I wondered what David Belle meant by tax haven (when no one enjoys paying tax ) but ChatGPT's explanation of his entire tweet made sense.

I think this is accurate and typical of men, which leads to toxic masculinity in most cases because they don't take the time to address their issues.

Slowly but surely there's a build up of anger, frustration, resentment, etcetera, which manifests in very disturbing or harmful ways.

On a different note - Seun, Nlfpmod, is there no moderator for this section? The section has practically been taken over by adverts/sales threads, most of which are unrelated to family life and household essentials or just plain inappropriate for this section.

xtervaganza:
This one use him hand marry old woman

He looks older and uglier than her. I don’t know where all task eyesights have gone.

She’s doing him a favor because their kids might look good courtesy of her

Hangulsaram:
If she has any valuable asset.

Umm okay: it’s The same way we are assuming he has valuable assets.

Most men (just like women) are poor. Why do we assume they are the ones whose property gets divided after marriage?

Maobichek:
You nailed it brother, any woman with the mindset that "his wealth or half of his wealth is mine because of association is not worthy to be called a wife."

that’s exactly what marriage does. Your spouse’s wealth becomes yours by that association