baby124:

When you came here writing rubbish. I knew you were completely bonkers and crazy. Because only a crazy nuisance will come here typing the nonsense you were typing. I am sure you know many Kamoru’s who have gone in and out of your mothers room. Which is why you don’t see marriage as anything. Maybe you also give those Kamoru’s a little bit of you as saara!

I know your community very well and the reason for your frustration. Facts, leave women and marriage alone for people that are sane and deserve it. Not mad nuisances like you who are delusional and confused. Frustration go soon kill you. No worry. . Better go and drug a gay man to marry you! Loser

Seeing the village hunters penis in your mom’s mouth did a number on you eh? You hate your dad because your mum had to do what she had to do to put food on the table.

You are no long 10 baby, get over yourself. You didn’t have to practice your mother’s trade, I guess somethings are just passed down from generation to generation. Why are you obsessed about men not wanting to marry? Kamoru, uche Uber and your houseboy turned husband aren’t enough for you? How many husbands would you want to marry in your life time baby?

baby124:

Stick with knowledge of marriages in your gay community. You are frustrated because gay men hardly marry and lash everything moving. I have gay friends who let me know their frustration and how promiscuous their community is. This is where your frustration stems from. 9/10 of people who boldly talk down on marriage and women are gay. I am not generalizing here, it’s been proven over and over. Can you please tell me why from your experience?

You obviously missed road today with a few nuts lose in your brain. Nuisance.

You have gay friends but gay people hate women and are trying to take their men. You are a bundle of contradictions and confusion. The Uber driver you are cheating on your husband with is in a better position to tell you why men are running from marriage. Go send nudes to kamoru mechanic from Facebook and stop quoting me.

baby124:

Thank you for proving my point. Please work on your gay community and leave traditional marriages alone for those who can actually get into it.

See you making bold statement on marriages but don’t even have one example in your life. Public market Nuisance.

You are making bold statements about gays, are you gay. You just proved my point about your dyslexia. You reason like a 7 year old. Perhaps if you stayed single and got more orgasms this bitterness wouldn’t be in your life. Keep throwing tantrums and tampons.

baby124:

Most of those who down talk marriage are very very gay and for some reason frustrated for it. Instead of accepting themselves, they come online to try to destroy the institution with ideas of masculinity that they probably have no idea of.

Now, advise your gay brothers to focus on their community and it’s problems and leave married women, straight women and straight men alone to get married. The fact of the matter is, YOU cannot give advise on something that you have no desire or experience in.

Now, overwhelmingly we see men trying to be women and insulting women or trying so hard to take away their rights while pretending to be women. It goes on and on.

By the way, I don’t recall ever debating you because if you had anything sensible to say, I will remember your username.

Now, the truth is, if you do not want to marry and you think marriage is so bad and you made the right decision, you will not be online looking for validation or for a following of men to be unmarried with. What are you scared of if you are so comfortable with Bachelorhood like you will want to have us believe? Or are you just not content with your lifestyle, frustrated and angry cause you want these straight men WHO DONT WANT YOU?

Why do you detest a TRADITIONAL marriage? Did your parents have one? Did you ever see an example of a good one in your entire life that you speak so boldly? Will your sexuality let you survive in one that you are so jealous of?

Yada yada yada, parents, gay bla bla bla. With an attitude like yours even the most patient man in the world would prefer to die single.

Calling someone gay would not be an insult to gay people, and you won’t have to continue shouting it if you thought I was one, that’s an antic of a seven year old dyslexic child, no wonder your moniker is baby and your 123 is wrong. Keep arguing like a market woman. Adios

baby124:

Most of the men who down talk women and spread lies about marriage have been shown to be gay. Why? Why are gay men jealous of women? What do they think the best way to win a straight man is to put down a woman? If a man does not like you! He does not! No amount of putting a woman down will make that straight man attracted to you sexually.

I understand most gay men are promiscuous, so much so that the community is filled with heartache and loneliness. Then why cross over to women’s territory and make yourself a self acclaimed specialist on women?

Just like your fraudulent leader Kevin Samuels who eventually confessed that men don’t need women. Because in ancient times men used to sleep with little boys! This is the model for men who speak like the OP. Tell your fellow gays to address the issues in their community and leave women out of it.

Calling out gays who make it a point to want to insult and degrade women and marriage is not bullying, it’s just facts. Your jealousy, envy and self hatred always rises to the surface. We will keep calling it out till you look at the man in the mirror.

Twice I have tried to engage you in civil conversations, twice I have regretted it. Is this how you handle conflicts in real life?

In every country where data are properly documented, research as shown more people are opting for non traditional families. live - in couples, having kids without getting married and divorce are on the rise. Are all these people opting out of traditional marriages gay?

I heard of Kevin Samuel for the first time on nairaland after his death. You know more about him and his teachings than myself his supposed follower?

You can’t bully and insult anyone into wanting marriage, no matter how hard you try.

JovialJune:



But this is a forum free for all,anyone can open a thread, comment on it as they see fit, and advice as the case may be, so I don't see any harm in saying men should marry themselves, because there are plenty options in the world, animals, trees and furnitures are also available for marriage, so instead of the constant cries of women this and that, marrying yourselves and non living things isn't far-fetched.

The topic was opened to decry marriage specifically. Not marriage to a woman. He’s only talking about a woman because he’s a heterosexual male. When did the solution to not getting married become getting married to a man or inanimate objects?

The intent of such comments is to bully. If a woman opened a thread to talk about how she hate men, would you dish out the same advice?

You are right, people can comment as they deem fit, I didn’t quote anyone to tell them they couldn’t. My comment was to tell men not to be bullied to silence by people who think anyone against marriage must be gay.

cococandy:
so I shouldn’t advice men to stay away from marriage?

Lol. It’s your prerogative to give whatever advice you deem fit. I was responding to your earlier comment where you said men didn’t have to tell you they are no longer interested in marriage.

Your advice is valid, you are doing God’s work. Male virgins awaits you in paradise ma’am.

cococandy:

But you can choose not to marry? That’s an option.
And the beautiful thing is that you don’t even have to tell us. Just don’t marry and live a happy life

The topic of the thread was clear enough, you chose to open it and read it, nobody told you to. He didn’t create the post to tell you. The first paragraph of the post started with brothers lol. Are you a bro now?

Why do you post pictures of your food in the food section? You could just eat it and be filled? The same reason anyone posts on the internet, for audience.

The act of telling a man who complains about the challenges of marriage to go marry a man is an act of blackmail, the intentions of such comments is to bully the man to silence for fear of being called gay.

The unmarried straight man has so many options to choose from, he could stay single while fvcking the wife of the man who chose to get married.

Most men marry today because there are very few women open to relationships without marriage as the end goal. Except a man wants to change girlfriends every 2 years, he has to bite the bullet. Like it’s generally said, women settle down, men surrender.

The progenitors of marriage did not have our generation in mind when they designed marriage. in today’s world where it is almost impossible for anyone to stay faithful, is marriage still worth it? A man gets bullied into marriage, puts up with a woman’s nagging, attitude, mood swings all in a bid to do what’s right by her but she’s fvcking the next guy who would have never sacrificed his ‘freedom’ for her.

At the end of the day any body who chooses to go into a marriage union should go in for selfish reasons, for what he stands to gain. He should also plan his exit route before entry.

Ladies in the age range you want would not date or marry a man of your age for anything other than money sir. For a retired school principal, you may not find what you seek.

Maybe you should adjust the age range to 50 and above and also modify to include widows.

1. Single rich men have access to a lot of women. Telling a man to leave all the women he’s sleeping with for one of the women he’s sleeping with just doesn’t make sense. It is like telling someone to leave all his cars, houses or money to focus on one house, car or money in one account.

2. Most rich guys sleep with married women. When you have your way with married women easily, marriage loses its appeal to you. Someone’s virtuous wife is another man’s bad bish. Remember there will always be someone richer.

3. Freedom. Marriage is submissiveness on both sides, it’s almost impossible for people who have lived free for too long to want to stay in a situation where they have to seek permission to do things they would just ordinarily do.

The reason is because that’s one of the fastest way to hurt a man’s ego, just like slut shaming a woman is one of the fastest way to hurt her ego.

Even when men fight they broke shame themselves and when women fight they slut shame themselves with words like Ashewo, olosho etc.

When people fight they want to draw blood, they want to hit where it hurts, even if it’s with lies.

Klass99:


Koto aye is all part of the meddling in/with people's lives and marriages na.

Trying to go to Ijebu to do what? I hear Ijebu is like the HQ of all things diabolical.

Good luck to anyone seeking solace from the devil, las las na you go wound big time.

An entity that already hates our souls for no good reason.

Klassy, This one you are dropping spiritual gems today, you’ve been hanging out with pastor righteousness? .

Klass99:


Lol, you made me laugh @ rent a prophet guys. No, I don't necessarily believe the mother in law is behind her predicaments of unproductivity, income lack and other issues, or that her hubby has been caged in a bottle.

However, I know there is good and evil, God and the devil. While I have strong reservations about claims like hers, there was a front page thread, where a guy narrated his personal experience with his own mother, using jazz, witchcraft (whatever you want to call it) on him for her gain and benefit.

Additionally I know God is not lying when he says the human heart is desperately wicked and a man's worse enemies are from within his own household. I copied you and Nnamnugochi to only stress the point I made on his thread about some women being manipulative and selfish in the name of motherhood.

I knew that was the point you were trying to buttress, my comment on that post was about meddling, not spiritual manipulation . This koto aye issue is on a different level. I do agree with you about the evil times we live in today. The OP is trying to go Ijebu.

Klass99. You believe the mother in-law is really of the marine kingdom? These rent-a-prophet guys will see anything just to extort their victims . They can only see, they can’t break the yoke binding her husband?

poik:


This guy, oil dey your head. Like you pointed out, this is an example of the picture when things go south for a man. I am willing to bet an arm that this tale is not exactly the way she is narrating it, in intensity, in pure, chronological and raw truth as it happened. I have a family that I helped run errands during my job seeking days that makes this story come so close to home:very similar scenarios.Man is a govt contractor who gets small small things once in a while. Woman even sources contracts for him from their NGO and other sources where she has influence. Man says he is more interested in business and is handling high profile partnerships with state governments which clearly will take longer than patience to materialize, but will surely do. Yes, the wife complains to me at times, but her love for him is undying. Point is, I know exactly how a virtuous woman would behave at times like this, which is not exactly an isolated case for most men in the current Nigeria. She married him a virgin and would never dream of cheating.

All I can take from this is that the position of being in a providing stance for a family is never a woman's place. Where it happens and it is an anomaly, as shown in what we are reading here: I can imagine that man coming to social media to rant if roles were reversed.

God, please help men. It's not easy o!!

Lol na so o. Women will say I stayed with him when he had nothing, when he became rich he wanted someone else. Just mere existing in close proximity isn’t ‘staying’ with someone. This is the perfect time to prove ride or die chick but I guess she doesn’t believe he can get up anymore.

Is it not better if the man was alone? at least the only thing making him sad would be his joblessness not this current situation of being hit on double frontiers. I hope he rises again.

She would still have cheated on Tu pac if they lasted long. Obviously, Pac never committed to her. You want to keep someone’s heart? don’t commit. Even if they find commitment elsewhere, you will forever be in their heart.

The same way August Alsina loved her so much because she didn’t commit to him. If Will had died 5 years into their marriage she probably would be painting a picture of the perfect love they shared too.

I don’t blame her for the Will Smith slap though, that’s all on him. He wasn’t defending her, he was defending his ego.

So true. Why should you have a problem with your girlfriend staying at a male friends place? A girl who would even conceive such thought should not be called girlfriend in the first place. Who has a problem with a random girl sleeping over at a random boy’s place?

Klass99:




This Eazzzy, you amuse me to no end with your idealistic mindset as reflected in your recent posts which I have come across. Ideally, what you said here won't be an issue. But, realistically when you start to experience it in real time, you will not find it funny neither will you feel this way.

What you think is not a big deal caused the breakdown of a marriage and led to the divorce of a couple I know personally. Pray not to have meddlesome in-laws or a wife who lacks good judgment, is incapable of independent thinking and independent choices.

I saw your response to Prima as well about mothers wanting the best for their children, I just smiled and shook my head. Like seriously, that is not always the case and when will some of you grasp that motherhood is NOT synonymous with sainthood?

We like to think that (I mean mothers want the best....) but older me is realizing how calculating, manipulative and selfish some women can be in the name of motherhood. Some use emotional blackmail, spiritual blackmail or outright witchcraft to get what they want out of their children. In the name of, I carried you for 9 months in my womb, I did this and that, if she is a widow who trained you in school be prepared for an even heavier dose of that blackmail.

When I hear things like this, in my mind I am like, ehn ehn and so? Wasn't it your responsibility to do all of that? You decided to have kids, you ought to have known what comes with it. Then most love to act like they gave you life and they own your life (not God our Creator o, but them) simply because they gave birth to you.

When scripture says a man's worse enemies are from within his own household or the human heart is desperately wicked, please remember that God's word is not a lie and mothers are not exempted from that word of truth either, just because.....

Klassy, ideals and reality are subjective. Why should peoples ideals be different from their reality in the first place? Some things are out of our control but I will like to think of this as not one of those things.

I mentioned on another thread where we had a conversation how I was in a live-in relationship, you know why we stopped living together? It was because her mother wasn’t comfortable with the arrangement.

They would get into these arguments about living with a guy without being married, her daughter was living rent free but no reason was good enough for her. I was the one who convinced her to get a place of her own even though our arrangement was very convenient for us. At the end of the day, it wasn’t worth it having fight her mother because her mother wanted what was best for her and her family would be the one to stand by her when the chips are down.

I also had a friend who almost got divorced because her husband was a mummy’s boy, the straw that almost broke the Carmel’s back for her was when they went on a vacation and as soon as they got to their room he called his mother to inform her they got there safely. Needless to say the vacation didn’t go well. Now would this be an issue for me? Hell no! My partner talks to her parents everyday, she tells them everything, my own parents didn’t even know I lived with a girl. If anything, my relationship has thought me how much of a shitty son I was, now I try my best to speak to my folks atleast once a week.

My disposition towards roles and responsibilities hasn’t changed even when it concerns mothers and children. Mothers do not ‘owe’ it to their children to be good mothers. We have children getting raised by grandparents because their mothers are not responsible enough for themselves talkless of being able to care for a child. Who would beat a mother who chooses to be irresponsible? Any mother who makes sacrifices, gives a little of herself for the well-being of her kids deserves commendation and appreciation. I don’t take sacrifices for granted, nobody owes me, I don’t owe anybody. This is my reality.

PrimadonnaO:


I first laughed... then I thought about it deeply.

I think there's some truth in what you've written.

*********
I think it is true that a significant number of women marry men who are ready, and not necessarily who they love/want deeply. And when that happens, the reality of being with that man forever becomes unexciting, and their anchor to get by becomes their children.

The other scenario is when women decide to endure their marriage "because of the children." Once again, they've made their kids the lifeline. They feel they've sacrificed too much to not reap as they deem fit. They become entitled.

Also, without intending to, most women get married, start having children, and the bulk of their attention shifts to the kids. They stop investing in nurturing a solid relationship with their husbands so much so that when the kids have grown and begun to move on with their lives, there's not much companionship left in their marriage.

And so they restlessly begin to want to be so much involved in their children's lives because there's not much else going on for them.

********
Now that I think about it, mothers who still have happy marriages, or other important things (career, thriving business or meaningful social engagements) going on for them, do not become overbearing and unduly involved in their kids' marriages.

Lol you are absolutely correct. In addition we have the maternal instinct, most mothers are overprotective of their children. Some men stay in marriage for their children too, it doesn’t generally make them meddlesome in-laws.

I think Meddling becomes tolerable when spouses understand that a mother usually want what’s best for her child.

When women bring their marital issues to other women, they are usually advised to ‘focus on their children’. You see such comments often from female monikers here too.

25 to 30 years of focus will not come to an abrupt end because the object of focus got married. There would need to be a refocus of energy from the children over time. What is an old woman going to channel her focus to? Working out? another man? getting further education? most times it’s always too late to change focus when they need to.

So before you get married, check the relationship between your prospective MIL and FIL, if they don’t have a good relationship, the chances of having a meddling mother in law are very high.

Personally, a meddling mother in law isn’t so much of a big deal to me. I know a mother loves her children and wants the best for the them, I will not put anyone in a situation where they would have to pick between me and their moms. If I was ever in such situation I will pick my mother.

siofra:
All i know is if you invite me on a date to restaurant na you go pay. I'm not splitting anything. Because when I invite guys to go out with me, I pay. I handle the costs without splitting.

Meanwhile these redpillers should continue skirting responsibilities in the name of playing smart. It just shows their indiscipline.

This is how it should be. The person doing the inviting picks the bill. My parents stopped paying my bills because I grew up, are they redpillers?

Not being able to pay the bills is different from knowing it’s not your duty to pay the bills. Confidence and respect are not bought by paying bills, they come with who you are as a person. If I had a million dollars, would I feel less confident because my wife picks a $39 bill at a restaurant?

This is how you set a standard and when you can’t meet up due to unforeseen circumstances, your partner starts cheating on you. You lose so much self esteem because it was all tied up to your ability to pay bills.

Nothing bad with a man being generous, but when a woman’s love and respect is bought, there’s always someone else willing to pay more than what you have for it.

bukatyne:


1. Are you on this earth sir? Even foreign women are writing thesis about this issue.

2. In my experience, the average man's attitude towards chores in his birth home and marital home are different

3. Let's wait till you marry fess. More husbands are open to doing more chores these days sha. Drop your wife's contact when you marry so we can ask her.

4. Hmmmmm. I find that irrespective of the model a couple choose (except they sincerely follow wife provider & husband caregiver model), they default to traditional roles. The wife is concerned with the things a traditional wife is concerned with; ditto the husband. A change might just be joint decision making and anyone picking up some chores they like depending on availability and the wife is still tasked with home management. As a Christian, the headship of the husband is not tied to his financial contributions or chores he does (discussion for another day or not).

5. Ok, why 50-50 for cable though? Why didn't one person pick up the bill (just asking)

6. Ideally true. And I believe the person at home more/ have more time should do more of the chores. However, the OP is different from this and practically, a lot of families do not function this way.

7. Oshe!

1. Lol, have you noticed people never leave reviews when they get good services? It’s only when things go wrong they feel the need to write about it.

2. What of his attitude towards chores in his own house? I started living alone at 17. If I didn’t do chores who would I leave it for?

3. Lol good thing you acknowledge men are willing to take on more domestic duties, I think the argument that it’s a woman’s role to do chores as no place in 2022. It’s offensive just thinking of it.

4. I think couples make their own arrangement, it’s good to know who one is going to be with. I don’t know any woman in my life who believes in the traditional roles in 2022. Not my mum, not my sister and definitely not my gf. I don’t even know what is meant by traditional roles or roles in a relationship. My roles are to be happy and do everything within my power to make my family happy.

5. 50 - 50 because she works and has her own money. We didn’t split the mortgage because her name wasn’t on the house and it’s unfair for someone else to pay for the house I am going to own one day.

Every other bill was split down the middle. Sometimes I take on all the bills as a good gesture, not because it’s my role but because I stumbled on money I wasn’t expecting. These gestures were met with appreciation not ‘well that’s your duty’. Likewise whenever she cooked or cleaned or made a purchase for us, I tell her thank you for all you do, thank you for taking care of me, you are the bestestest. Not well that’s your role.

6. Exactly. Thank you for your understanding lol.

7. Things we do for family eh!

Klass99:
@ Eazzzy1, you had me laughing out loud at your reference to Acrimony. How can such a parasitic character and man be a reference point for anything good?

He is a classic example of a tick, that insect that feeds on the blood of dogs. It sucks the blood out of dogs and then falls off when it is full. I mean the male lead in acrimony o.

It used to be that War Room, was the movie and standard, married Naija women on this forum were advised to aspire to. You have now added Acrimony to the list for them ba?

Tyler Perry no try at all, even the box office reviews and ratings on that movie were wack and below average.

klass99, I used acrimony as a reference point to say something good can still come out of someone who has been useless for so long. I am not advising that women aspire to be Taraji. Should he have done better? absolutely. He came through for her when God decided to pick his call, even though she left him. The reason why I initially advised the OP to leave instead of cheating.

I think the whole point of my argument is lost, should people who claim to love each other feel burdened by shouldering the responsibilities of their loved ones? Maybe I’m projecting but I will not feel burdened by providing for a loved one especially when I have the wherewithal to do so.

baby124:

Your story is too long. Can you do and are you capable of doing what it takes to become a 50-50 partner? You keep referring to Nigerian men this and that, do you understand the dynamics in a Nigerian home? Did you grow up in a home with a mom and dad? And one where they contributed 50-50, with the man cooking and handling domestic duties in addition to contributing? I hope you did because, then we can have this conversation truly. Cause what you wrote up there is a ramble. Typical Nigerian man will not cook, clean or stay at home with the kids. That is why what they bring to the table is important. You think OP’s husband is doing domestic chores

Did she mention anywhere that her husband wasn’t doing chores? Does it seem a fair exchange to you that a man should work for 40 years of his life in exchange for someone to do the dishes? I grew up in a home where both parents did chores till the kids were old enough to take over. Besides are we going to say the Nigeria of today is the same as the 90’s?

Why was there an uproar from women when Buhari said his wife belongs to the kitchen, living room and the other room if that is truly what the typical Nigeria home is? Well it doesn’t look like we will get anywhere with this conversation. Enjoy your day Ms.

I hope Chris press charges. Assault on live TV. That’s if Will doesn’t get cancelled.

cococandy:
Now if that’s how most guys think, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.

If you want to know where people are getting the idea that men feel a certain way about doing chores, listen to your fellow guys and the thing they actually say.

@bold, is perfectly stated.

I guess it’s different strokes for different folks. Why should someone be living and have a problem with chores? seeing as this chores happen to be there because we are living. Maybe some of the people grew up with maids and they never did anything. Not me.

baby124:

Will you agree to relinquish your role as man of the house for a 50-50 partnership? That means you also clean the house, cook and stay home to cater to the kids. Maybe even carry children too if you can or help birth them. Breast feed too.

I don’t know where you people get the notion that men feel a type of way about doing chores. I’m the second to the last born in my family, my mandate and commissioning from the day I was born was to go do chores, plus I come from a family where doing chores was rewarded often. I have no problem at all with doing chores, I do 100% of my chores living alone, why should I want to stop doing chores because I got married? Did I marry a robot?

I do not believe in traditional roles, so doing chores isn’t giving up 50% of my roles as a man. My roles as a man is to be happy and have a happy family, any arrangement that makes this possible is fair game to me. I was in a live in relationship and asides cooking, I did pretty much every other thing, it wasn’t demanded of me, I just did it. My gf couldn’t walk from point A to B without acting like she gave Yokozuna a piggy back, so instead of giving massages all day I just did the work, it was also my house so her bills were limited to wifi, groceries, cable (which was shared 50/50).

Two people who claim to love themselves should be there for themselves, it’s not supposed to be rocket science in my opinion. If both couples work, they should both contribute financially to their family. If one of them works, the person should take charge of the finances till the other person starts earning. If I had tits that produce milk I would breastfeed without stress and if my wife runs out of milk and I have to be the only one breastfeeding, it wouldn’t be a burden to me.

Bukatyne, we have different perspectives on this issue. We can only learn from stories we see here. If every man will treat women the way women treat men no marriage will survive. Nice chat though.

bukatyne:


@bold:

This is not a temporary 'I am transitioning between jobs' or 'COVID hit my business'. Let's assume he lost his job or business, he can't do Uber/Bolt with their car? Can't he use the Church connect to get another job? Or do something else to generate income since he is not looking for a job? He was even given capital of Laundry Business which yielded nothing.

This is a man who lacked ambition from the get go. Why the OP married him remains a mystery.

Interestingly, he had a job before they married but she saw the lack of drive/ambition. It is about the current earnings, it is about the drive & ambition.

If the husband genuinely cannot provide for his home or carry out any of his other duties, it is a different ball game.

The OP's hubby has no excuse and they are not strange.

I hate to refer you to a work of fiction but how many years did it take the man in Acrimony to get his App to work? Leaving one’s job to focus on his business is drive, dreams and ambition to me. If the business worked we wouldn’t be here now.

There’s no way to know the guy isn’t doing everything he can to better his situation. We humans are usually more concerned with the results than the process. A man can do everything right and everything go sideways for him. Remember Joseph’s interpretation of Pharoah’s dream? 7 years season of famine and 7 years season of boom? What if this is his season of famine? It’s not like he’s just sleeping, waking and playing video games.

I just feel it’s unfair how a woman can fall back to her man’s money if things go wrong with her, a man has to grapple with his loss of income and then have to worry about his wife’s reaction to the new situation. She makes money, why is sacrificing so difficult? Would she put up her kids for adoption because of the financial burden on her? I think if you love someone, taking care of them would be a privilege not a burden.