₦airaland Forum

Mode5:
thank you for your motherly advice.

Thanks dear

ALLNIGERIANSMAD:
Good evening Nairalanders, please I don't want to bore you with much stories, I just need a legal advice from lawyers on the FORUM. my sister who has been Legally married 8years ago to this guy, I wasn't around during their wedding because I work far away maiduguri then, the wedding took place in OSUN STATE, few months she gave birth, this guy travelled abroad on invitation visa by his family members, the guy has shown so much responsibility as a man and as a father at the beginning when he first arrived at his current country home of residence, my sister always told me how he use to send money for her and her child(only daughter) upkeep and communication was good between them, sometime in 2014, this guy having learned I work in Abuja, he personally contacted me and told me his plan to take his wife with him to abroad that he will need my assistance to help Authenticate all my sister's documents from Federal ministry of foreign affairs which I did, probably this doesn't go down well with family members or God knows what happened this guy sundenlly make U-turn and stop communicating with my sister, after several findings, he claimed his family had told him my sister was lying to collect money from him and spending such recklessly! That's her offence which he stated in the divorce letter. When I got the story like over five years ago, I heavily criticize my sister believing she must have done something worse than that for her husband to suddenly take Such action against her but what brought my interest in the case was when she sent me copy of divorce letter and I read through, I can't pinpoint to any serious offence she might have committed to warrant divorce all his excuses was baseless and earsay as the husband in question has never return back to nigeria since he travelled and from information my sister got, the husband secretly married to another wife in abroad Netherland to be precise while he still legally married to my sister here in nigeria.
My question now are:
- is it possible to divorce a woman in
absentia?
- The husband was requesting the custody of the only child the marriage produced to take to abroad, in my opinion I objected to that since the husband has married to another wife over there,the safety of the child is important.
- she's currently living in the house they
both built together which she
superviced during construction! They both contributed to the project while the husband was also sending money to build. Will she
be sent packing without any form of compensation?
Please MOD should please help me push to the front page to to have legal interpretation to the issue. Thanks i will be in comment section to take your advice. Ignor any error and advise

If she has a good relationship with her husband families, she should take the letter to them and plead with them to consider her because of that child

But bear in mind that, his family was part of the divorce plans probably because she doesn't know how to do eye services to them, by visiting them and doing one eye service domestic chores

Then your question about divorcing in absential, he knows what he is doing so far he got his family backing

But we pray it gets solved

VictorUSA:
A neighbour of mine whose from a family that are both muslims and christians laments.

He's 19 and from a well to do family.He is the last child of the family and happens to be the only son.

But he is faced with two conflicting views:his mother is a muslim and want him to be muslim too while his father is a christian and wants him to be a christian.

What should he do? Honestly, your take on this is highly needed.

It depends on what and which religion he has been practicing before now

As for me I think he should practice Christianity because it's more flexible and his father families are Christians, so that he doesn't grow as only son and be different from others, that will be hard on him

But when he grows to a full man he will be a Christian no doubt about that

Mode5:
Good morning all.I just open this new account to remained anonymous!

I believe this the right section to post this,I need mature minds and advice's,because am writing this with a sad and heavy heart.

I have find it difficult sleeping since when I came across a WhatsApp messages on my younger sister phone (last born) who is just 20 but would be 21 by Dec.

She is in her final year in the uni,very intelligent girl,even her course mate's do tell me that,she is supposed to have graduated from the university last year but Covid and ASUU have not help matters.

We came from a strick Christian family.my dad and mum have tried their best to bring us up in the right and best way!

It happens during the weekend I was home from work and my phone was down due to reasons because I couldn't charge it overnight.

So I decided to make used of her phone to google something on the Internet,the moment I put on her data a particular WhatsApp message came in saying 'Bleep YOU.

This made me shock and I decided to check it out.only to see erotic and sex chats about Cumming with this boy saying he don't last long,who she claims to be her boyfriend or what according to the chat.

To the extent she have been send sending him money(saying she is sending him the money not because of what between them but because she loves helping people).I have never known her to be having a B.F.

I have seen the boy few times when ever I go visiting in her school,they both school together in another state.

After some few hours to think right,I confronted her about it only for her to deny it,that it was only just a chat that nothing was there,claiming i invaded her privacy this got me angry and her slapped her.

I collected her phone to show her proved of what I saw to my greatest surprise the chats has been deleted.

This is a girl that have never look at me in the eye's but on that day she looked at me shouting on her Voice..

Please house I don't know what to do because am confused right now.

I would be needed your mature advice's on what to do next!


sorry for any typing errors.

She will deny anything so far it has to do with a guy

Once a girl starts sleeping with a man, she becomes bolder

I will advise you seat her down and give her brotherly advice, that's all

She is in the university and anything can happen because you are not there to watch her

Most girls that got into university as a Virgin, breaks their virginity before graduation

Km

Lizzyolatunjs:
Hello my fellow nairalander family and friends. A silent member, please help me all. I always saw people bringing family issues here until I personally fell into same trap today.

Please my people am at crossroads and I need advice, bring it all on pls. I would like to know why my husband of 10years would save chats , screenshots of our whatsapp messages when we quarrel and I mouth off to him. I mostly dont even go back nor remember such episodes. However I just said let me check his pictures randomly and lo and behold screenshots of all our personal messages? We have kids together and there has been cheating on his part in the past. I have forgiven and forgiven but seeing my messages saved as screenshots broke me.

We have good chats too but I didnt see any of that so it was specifically done. Elders and colleagues please help me out. Thank you all

Hence fort, any careless word on chat or abuse due to anger must be done on voice call so that he won't have a proof that you commited yourself in writing

He is acting to use those chats as a prove that you are naughty

So be careful not just on chats but in every thing you do with him

He is behaving like someone that is on a mission and the mission is best known to him alone

So watch out

Dorwadora:
Good evening my Romancelanders and Nairalanders. I hope y'all been having a good day?

Here's the thing.

Due to the ASUU strike I decided to get a job around my school instead of going home because Ekiti has become home for me. I resumed work on Monday, that's 6 days ago. I and my boss have not been having any issue. He gives the command and I get the work done but recently he has been giving me his home key to go and cook for him. The first time I was surprised because giving your house key to someone you barely know is a bit weird to me but since Monday that I've started the work, I've been to his house 4 times cooking stew or vegetable soup. I'm there right now frying meats.

I am seriously not comfortable with the arrangement but I can't say no because I really need to keep the job and save up. He's married but his wife is not staying with him and cooking and cleaning is the job of a wife not a staff.

Please house how can I stop this whole charade without losing the job?

Is either you stop cooking and loose the job or you continue cooking and get on bed with him and probably used for rituals

CsRockefeller:
Hello guys and ladies.

Need your thoughts on the topic, what do you think about getting married to a very young lady and training her through school after marriage?

Background Story

I've been looking to settle down since the past 2 years and there has been no luck. The exposed and educated ones are a bit too difficult and proud. I love my women ambitious and educated, but the ones I keep meeting especially in Lagos don't seem interested.

As a young man in his late twenties, the temptations and causal flings aren't encouraging. I want to settle down soonest and focus on other things.

Now, there's this young girl I saw in my village the last time I traveled about 2 years ago, she should be around 20 right now. Very young and pretty but hasn't gained admission to school yet. She's the first born and her family aren't too comfortable. I was discussing about her with my mum, but my mum said she isn't in school yet. I'm thinking of funding her education, after getting married to her that is, since she's still young and very homely.

She's not my preference as I said earlier but the mature one's seem to be waiting for one Prince Charming to sweep them off their feet.

What do you guys think?

I think you should marry her and bring her in as your lawful wife

Then she gets admission and you take it up from there

The benefits are, she will finish schooling bearing your name

She may have babies while schooling

She is already married and that may restrict her from being naughty

The disadvantages are that, you will be prepared to face the financial cost of everything from start to finish

But bear in mind that she has not rocked life and have little experience about life and men

So be ready to deal with that when it starts because it will definitely happen

Very interesting gist

truthhurts2:
Thanks @frozen

Thanks dear

ellaV:
thank you for this piece really helpful

Thanks dear

truthhurts2:
I'm thinking of maybe going on a short vacation with her and a little shopping, even though not in my budget at all, maybe that would revive it(me)

Honestly it will, good luck

AntiMen:
At first I liked him..
Until he started giving me unnecessary attention,that's when crushing began.

As I talk to you, I'm in church ,I try as much as possible to focus on my purpose for coming but my mind keeps wandering cos he's here....

I think the best bet is to tell him to avoid me, probably that will make me feel better....
Or I pray he gets transferred from here.

You don't need to tell him to avoid you

It's you that will caution yourself

Though it seems your mind is made up on him

Follow your heart and bear the consequences if any

truthhurts2:
Of course, I do get erection. I pray it change soon...

It will if you program your mind towards sex and fantasizss on it

Miraclenoble:
it wasn't packed inside....its a herbal substance that was sprinkled on it.

Can you paste your phone number here pls

JonOfAustrlia:
Posting this for a female relative:

Im a succesful career woman abroad. I worked so hard for my position that I finally got. My husband from Naija and he came here with student visa. He has his degree now but is only finding menial jobs here. He cant help that and I have been in this country longer. He is a good father and from what I see I think he doesnt cheat. He bathes the kids and takes them to school each morning. But he says because sometimes I sleep early that I should wake up early and get them ready for school. I agreed. I wake up 6.45 to get them ready its not fair because I work more than him.

I work 40 hours a week, cook and clean do all errands pay all major bills and on the nights and weekends he leaves to go work. So after work im taking care of two young children 1 and 2 and he comes back late doesnt clean anything.


For my birthday this year I wanted us to go out so I drove us all to a restaurant. He paid half the bill. Then I told him later we need more money this month. He paid 30% of the bills. Then he accused me of taking all his money when he still has a lot more money left. More than me.

I pay all the bills and make sure we are covered. He gets sad when he has to pay bills. Why is he behaving like this?

Im tired I labor myself till I cant take care of the kids. While im working he gets to come home and sleep he gets to go to school he uses the soap electricity and tv for free does not pay for upkeep of children clothes their diapets does not communicate with the daycare does not treat me well.

Does this man actually even love me? How can someone be so negligent? Doesnt clean the house barely pays for bills works 20 hours but I still end up taking care of kids after work and almost all hours on the weekends.

Does a man actually love me? I feel like im in a relationship by myself.

He has actually proved to you that he can't kill himself

So you have to keep nagging on him till he picks up

SilentQueen:
I have to come out and ask for help here because I can't tell my family members Pls don't judge me

My male Cousin on the mother side actually came home from Abroad 2 weeks ago for visiting so he choose our house as his base, he is in his late twenties while I am in my early twenties! I don't really know him that much and he is planning on staying for 6months. So me and him use to be home alone most times since my parents goes to work and my siblings are in school

He is so handsome, he actually looks like my dream man so I actually started crushing on him, wishing I could have him, but It is all shades of wrong having anything to do with my cousin so I keep it to myself So 2days ago we were home alone as usual but he said he wanted to gym, once he took off his clothes remaining his boxer I couldn't hold back myself and I was forced to give him a kiss which he loved it and we started kissing so passionately that we were about to get down, wen I realized that it wrong and had to pull away from him.

Since then I have hated him passionately and don't want to see him but he said he love what we had but my Conscience is killing me and my parents can kill me if they know about it... Nairalanders pls help me

I am stuck with him for now and he won't stop telling me how he wants more and I don't want to do anything further

Since you are interested in him and you are the one thst made the move, stylishly find out from your mum if their family can marry with your family

If you allow him to get down with you, it's a 50% percent chance relationship that you guys may marry or may not marry

Even at that enjoy your moments because it won't last for long as he will go back after 6 months
Lastly don't let it be at home, you guys can up out and have fun so that you don't look cheap

Alternatively, if you know that you don't want a heart break, avoid him and if he insist, let him start a relationship approval from your mum, with that you will know if it's going to be a good one or not

If he says he can't discuss such with your mum, then it's going to be a one chance affair

Patrioticbreed9:
You claim we are related but you dont patronize and marry ladies from rivers instead you are flocking akwa ibom ladies en mass!.

Why is it so?

They believe that they have a lot with water spirits

AntiMen:
I'm married with two beautiful children..
I love my husband no doubt....
But I noticed that I'm beginning to like my reverend, I don't know how to explain this...
He is married with children too but we are kinda fond of each other...
How do I stop this unusual feeling , I can't stop going to church cos my husband would be mad at me.

That's lust
Advice yourself better by being discipline
Just like him without having feelings for him

VictorUSA:
Men, pls don't love women!

I don't trust woman for any reason.Pls if you're married start using preventive mechanisms in order to mitigate the pain that's about to befall you.

For those that are still single do not give your heart fully to a lady.Those folks are unpredictable.DO NOT TRUST WOMAN.

I say this for a reason.I've seen numerous married women seducing single guys, I'm also a victim and I almost fail but JESUS helped me.

Pls do not love women, they don't deserved to be loved.They are unpredictable and cunning.They are traps and destiny destroyers.

VictorUSA advised

You didn't make any sensible points
Those who read your message will ignore you because you are a simp

Deeprooted:
Thanks but 300k is a lot of money in this present economy

Waooo that is much but if you know where she lives, you have to make a move and let her family know what went on and how you assisted her and she is not making move to pay back

Be calm in your explanations to them

Tina156:
I'm Tina, 16 years old.
I stay with my mum. I and my BF had sex, it was raw then the next day I took morning-after-pill.

Some weeks later, I started having pregnacy signs even felt something kicking my belly, had to tell my mum I had sex to get advice from her but instead it was another thing. She was crying that I'm not a virgin then had to sieze my phone, now going to 3 months.

Please tell me if what I did was wrong.

She expected you to still keep your virginity but was disappointed that you are already pregnant

She seized your phone out of anger and you getting angry with her will not solve any problems

Seat her and talk with her and apologize to her

Then inform your gut about the pregnancy and you guy will decide on what to do

But if your guy ask you to keep the pregnancy and insist you will have to still stay with your parents

Then it's possible that you are going to be a single parent

You just have to deal with it

Deeprooted:
Yes! We dated for a while. After my NYSC her persuasion for me to marry her became unbearable for me. To make matters worst, she lost her mom who was the bread winner of the family. I pitied her and decided to give her some money for investment. The agreement was for her to keep the profit but refund my capital to me.

The story changed when after a year, I started asking for my capital. She's now married with 2 kids but claims she doesn't have the money. Involving her husband may be a threat to her marriage but I need my money back.

Help a brother on how best to get my money back!

At times we loose and at times we gain

How is the money involved

If her husband gets to know, he will not pay back because they don't have

See that money as a burnt offering, if it's something you can endure

Dearlord:
Got a call this evening saying that my world, my precious and caring mother is gone.

Please help me pray for her soul

Take heart, God will console you
May she rest in peace

immortalcrown:
So your prayer alone no go work and you no get Church members? Despite the fact that you are bereaved, I must tell you that seeking solace and calling for prayers here is childish and unwise.

You are just a nuisance with this comment on a bereaved fellow

Maxwell775:
Good evening nairalanders. Hope we're all having a good Friday? I'll go straight to the point.

I drink beer like my life depends on it. My brand of beer is Heineken & trophy. In a day, I can take down like 6 bottles of beer.

I don't drink vodka, spirit or dry gin because I'm a slim guy, and I don't want to be slimmer than the way I am or look dry. I can manage alcoholic red wine but you see beer, I can't do without it.

I do buy packs of can beer (Heineken or trophy) to stock my fridge. Early in the morning before I even brush my teeth I would have taken like 2 can first, when I'm eating I MUST drink beer along side.

If I try to stay a day without beer, I will be feeling this urge or quest to drink cold beer, and If finally get hold of one, you need to see the way I will be rushing it like someone who's in a competition, and before you know it, I have taken down like 5 more beer.

Please nairalanders how do I reduce my beer in take... Those of us who drink beer, please how do you control yours.

Is possible that you don't have responsibilities

You don't have a woman that will caution you

You formed a habit that is affecting you now

What if you are sick and went to hospital and was told that the alcohol in your body is affecting your organs

Will you stop drinking or continue drinking alcohol

You must be strict about it if you realy want to be

truthhurts2:
Pls I don't know what is wrong, and, maybe it's normal, since my wife got pregnant which is like 2 months now, sex is of no interest to me anymore. NOTE: I'm not into any extra marital affairs or crushing on any lady or having feelings for anyone else or of anything related to it. I so much love my wife but that zeal for sex has decreased drastically. Pls what can I do?

I think there is nothing wrong with you

So far you do get errection but no sex urge, just relax it will come up

At times it's like that especially once you gets above 30yrs, it gets dropping due to stress and state of mind

Miraclenoble:
Please somebody should help me with anything at all,please I have been hungry since last night you can place a call to my number if you have doubts.....please am begging.

Pls remind me to do a video whatspp to be sure then credit your account
You can put your phone number on the screen

LaPrimero:
My Brother got gainfully employed mid 2021 due to the efforts of my parents. He had been struggling with a 10k job since he finished service before he got this well paying job. Everything was going well as he started well at his working place and was even getting applauded by his boss and higher ranking staffs as he was taken as someone of great promise. He was also in good times with my parents.

Around November last year, he sighted this chubby fine girl and became restless. He even said "she is the one". He hustled for the girl's number and soon started something with her. She accepted his proposal the moment he asked. Our Dad told him it was too early for all that and he needed to focus on building his still budding career but he turned a deaf ear. He soon started lavishing funds on the girl to my parents consternation. He even started discussing intimate details about our family with the girl within a short frame of time. Around January this year, Matters came to a head and started being utterly disrespectful to our parents. He even cut off Everyone that tried to advice him on the folly of the "relationship". He basically became a stranger to the family and his friends all because of a girl. The girl was so demanding, Manipulative and infuriating. The worst is that the girl was a serial girlfriend, having dated at least 8 men before him. She was a so called Dj and her whole life was all about parties and fleshpots. My brother on the other hand came from a strict Christian family and abandoned all the values he identified with because of the girl. The only thing he got from the relationship was premium billing.


The Crux of the matter now is that he went bankrupt trying to fund her extravagant lifestyle and even went into debts. He borrowed money from 7 different loan apps and they have been on his neck. We have been able to handle 3 of the loans and some of the remaining loan companies are even threatening to post his photos on social media and Newspapers as a fraudster and also blacklist his bvn.

He has been getting troubling phone calls from the loan apps and is basically ruined both mentally and physically. He looks so lean this days and has become humble to my parents and even to me his younger brother. The family he rejected and refused to even give one Kobo in his heydays is now trying by all possible means to rescue him from the slump as we are his only backbone . The girl in question does not even know what he is going through.

How do we rescue the foolish young man as he still isn't ready to fully give up the girl. A friend told him he can't even help him get back on his feet because it will be like pouring water into a leaking bucket. While I was at school this dude hardly sent me or my younger ones anything but was sending a sizeable amount to the girl monthly because he was "in love". I really need helpful suggestions from the house on this matter. Mods help me get this to fp

Forget about his humbleness now
He still remains who he is over that lady

That lady will teach him a lesson in his life that will regret

You guys should stop paying his loan, let him be exposed by the loan app and that may help reset his brain

Do you know the worst, that girl will finish him and dump him at the end

Since he has refuse to learn and grow, let him deal with it

Ebelelivinston:
Good morning great minds.I have a fiencee whom we have dated for four years now.I just graduated from one of the federal university because of Assu strike,we are yet to go for our NYSC.I grew up with my brother who owns a business that we run together.Ever since my brother married, things haven't been easy with me because of his wife's attitude, though the business is booming.My fiencee currently opened a business and rented an apartment for us to be leaving and doing the business together.Great minds,the advice I seek from you people is weather I should stay with my fiencee and do the business or I should go back to my brother's business?

I think because of your brother's wife attitude, you can stay with your fiancee and both of you can grow the business together and plan marriage

While you are staying with him, pregnancy may occur mke sure you don't remove it, it could help facilitate your marriage

ellaV:
I am married to a man for 6 years who goes about telling anyone whose cares to listen that he is not the marriage type and family guy..we have two kids,he doesn't want to set a business up for me,give me money for upkeep,or give me money to start my Masters...this is someone that has millions as savings and I borrowed 20k from access bank since last year March he can't give me money to pay...I decided to work, 3 months to the work,I was dropped I did my findings,someone came to testify negatively about me to my boss and that was it...I apply for jobs,a contradicting mail will be sent to the company and i won't be calledi,I graduated with 2:1...my husband buys my phone and it's only him that has access to my mail,i asked him if he did that he said no, but I know it's him...as am talking to you know everyone in my area has light since 4 days ago because we use prepaid meter,light has finished, he is not moved that we are in darkness? He traveled for a job since 5 days ago and he don't care,there is so much I want to say but let me not bore you...I feel unproductive and stucked in this marriage, pls what should I do? I went to church and I was told his mum is in the water kingdom and tied him to herself that he only listens to her and whatever I say means nothing, all he does is sleep with me , that's all, if you knew me when I was single , you will be in awe to see me now...what should I do pls?

Terrible
Just go on uoir knees and pray to God for direction

As for what they said that his mum tied him down, she may have been the one that funded this business so that may be their agreement

You have to wait ait until the day that woman will be dead and buried then lets see if your husband will regain freedom

The mistake has already been done, so I won't advice you to leave, ery soon those kids will grow to fight for you

Angela1996:
I'm just depressed over this situation, I'm tired of him, he snapped me while I was naked and threatened to release my nudes...I've told him to sign the undertaken and leave me alone but he has refused...
Please I don't know what to do again!...Don't judge me or insult me because no one is perfect

What does he want from you exactly

RaymondEasyLife:
Between Tom and Jerry, who did you support as a child ?

I use to pity Tom because Jerry is always ahead of him and knows how to deal with Tom

Whereas Tom takes Jerry as his best friend