₦airaland Forum

Possible1805:
Hi

The peer pressure currently is just too much, people mentality is that traveling is the best option, my partn er started giving me pressure to move out of the country too at the other end am not seeing that as an achievement I mean she expect me to leave a job I created by myself 6years ago in nigeria that is currently fetching me at least 2-3m monthly to japa, if I do will loose all customers because the job is competitive, and for over 6year now I work from home, lose that kind of job and go to Uk as in what kind of job will fetch me 2-3m monthly savings in the Uk.

Now my partner will be looking at me as an enemy of progress, the skills I have is only plumbing work skills i most do that as a side job in nigeria here I only attend to big job, japa is not for everyone you people should stop looking at it as a big achievement… and stop calculating you earning In naija just to say that you better off over there… we all cannot leave nigeria, after you will be saying if you cannot do it for yourself do it because of your children ABEG and what of my mental health…. Please stop calling NIGERIA shithole

What do you think I should do?

This sounds again like a paid or government post to stop Nigerians from moving.

Go and tell your polithiefcians sponsor to bring their children and family back to Nigeria, they should seek medical treatment in Nigeria, their children should be in public schools in Nigeria, they should switch off all their power generators at home, they should drop all their security personnel etc.

advanceDNA:
Na 50/50....
If it works out as u want...good...
If she change and follow another man with settled status then ghost you....no vex... humans can be unpredictable..understand say na survival mode she switch to...

Wateva happens, u go dey alright las las .but no overthink the matter right now...

Agreed. This is 50/50. He should just prepare his mind for both sides of the coin.

By the way, once a naija made marriage is crossing to western countries, irrespective of the sponsor or bread winner, it's always 50/50 risk.

You will understand when you grow more. You are still a small boy now.

By the way, it's not about any tribe or race.

Every parent all over the world brag about their children, especially when the son or daughter is doing well.

Lovely. Congratulations to them

Prospertochu:
We only did traditional marriage

My advise is this.

1. Tell your mother-in-law and her family that they should tell her to bring your daughter back and do things the right way. Let them know you must know your daughter whereabouts and know how her welfare will be taken care of before you can allow her take the girl. Your message will surely get to your wife through them.

2. Give her few days to get back to you. If she gets back to you, discuss your concerns with her. Collect the address in Lagos where she stays with your daughter, visit them to see things for yourself.

3. If she refuses to get back to you, approach welfare system in your state and fight it legally.

She has no rights to take your daughter to a place you don't know or cannot see or visit your daughter as required. Just as she knows where to visit her sons with your mother, you also have equal rights to know where your daughter is, her living condition and all that.

Prospertochu:
She should have asked for my permission she shouldn't have taken her away from me without my consent , plus she is only been to Lagos since August she doesn't have any relatives there i don't know where or who she is staying with and if she is working who will be taking care of my child. She is only 3 years old she is at risk of being molest in Lagos than in the village

This is my fear for the little girl too. What the mother is up to in Lagos must be known before you can be comfortable to leave the girl with her. This is why she was supposed to discuss this with you the father before taking her away just like that.

You both have equal custody rights over the children but it's better the children stay where they will be well catered for, irrespective of any emotions.

Where is she staying in Lagos, what type of work is she doing? What dangers can the girl be exposed to? All these are important considerations to consider

Sometimes some ladies just take irrational decisions over emotions.

I have seen a case where a lady took her daughter like this to Lagos just because of emotions, only for the husband and family to later find out she was doing ashewo work in Lagos and the daughter was being exposed to her work.

mardis:
Leave the girl child with her now. You have the two boys already in your custody allow her take care of the girl. It seems she is capable of doing that. Before you'll go and marry another woman that'll come and turn her to housegirl. And besides she will be more safer under the watchful eyes of her mother. Aren't you afraid of all this child molestors and abusers?

Even at that, she needs to do it proper way.

Was there any prior discussion around the children custody between you both before this?

And what is she into in Lagos, do you think she can take good care of the girl in Lagos with her?

Zelensky just want to cause WW3.

This is why you don't vote a comedian as a president.

He must think nuclear WW3 is a joke.

GboyegaD:
Find an African store around you or ask anyone you know to help you buy from an African store around them. The person will post it to you while you zelle them the cost of the food and postage.
You could also travel to neighboring cities that have African stores to get what you need.

At the worst, order online.

What other online sites do you use? I know of Etsy

https://www.etsy.com/search?q=african%20food%20stuff&ref=auto-1&as_prefix=african%20foo

I know how you must be feeling right now.

For now, just arrange for a comfortable place for mama to stay.

After that, continue to talk to both parties to shield their swords. They can still settle their issues after all adrenaline has settled down. If you children cannot settle them, involve people they both respect alot from their families and even friends.

Remember both of them are your parents, so please remain neutral and fair.

My advise to the woman in this case is for her to approach a competent court or welfare system to fight for visitation rights and custody.

The court will surely hear from both sides before passing any judgment.

All these social media emotional blackmail should be stopped please.

ahnie:
Broom wey dem take whip the first wife,dem must use it to whipthe second wife.its just a matter of time.

It's not in all cases.

I have seen cases where the problematic person is the woman but she is first to throw emotional blackmail and the man end up living happily after with other women

We need to listen to the husband side of the story before any judgment.

Because if he's a demon as you want us to believe, how come he can live peaceful with the mistress and his 4 children? Is the mistress not a woman too?

By the way, I am not advocating for domestic violence irrespective of the gender but this matter is beyond judgment from one sided story.

Only God knows how many men have left her after she told them she had 4 children.

It's difficult to see man marry with 4 children na.

When you tell them to be careful of jumping from bed to bed, they will not hear.

Or when they want to use emotion and social media illusion to scatter their marriage after 4 children, and you tell them nothing is outside, they will call you old school.

Lagbaja54:
Lol. Be looking at the front o. has it started snowing where you are?

yes bro. First snow of the year already. Winterization mode completed.

Because we black people lack sense.

Same way only our women reach abroad and abandon our marriage culture and become oyinbo wife immediately.

Alot of Nigerians are not informed about the history and politics of this world.

How is another country throwing 50million dollars towards your elections a good thing?

Who do black people this thing? God!

See Nigerians jubilating over this. You think this is free and it's because America loves Nigeria? Think again.

Don't be surprised when US starts determining who wins or loses elections in Nigeria going forward.

Driving in with my Jeep Wrangler, blasting WAP by Cardi B.

Where are team "Don't Japa, Nigeria is the best place to be"?

Why this one moved his family to the US, and not put them in Ibadan?

Now you know your true position.

You are just eleko... supplier of akamu. In other words, you are just a fvck and sperm supplier.

You either continue your supplies or stop the contract if you have been supplying without collecting money.

obinna58:

Thunder fire you and that your other moniker

Amen

obinna58:
Both monikers are fake bro

If true, na thunder go fire whoever dey behind those monikers.

Hollian:
Thanks you said it all on point 2

You are welcome.

As for your father-in-law, continue to be good to him but don't sweat it. Just focus on having good relationship with your wife.

Once you and your wife find ways to settle your issues, it will flow to her father.

From the little you have disclosed,

1. You married someone you dated for 2 months just because she got pregnant. Most likely both of you didn't know each other well enough before you married out of circumstance. Because of this, you might not even be compatible on many aspects of life.

On compatibility, it's not late to find out how compatible you people are. If you are both not and not willing to change lifestyle, beliefs, and life perspectives to become more compatible, you can as well end the marriage now because it will not work out.

2. Even if you are compatible, the moment you are struggling financially as the man of the house, you will see any woman in her true colors. This is why it's always good to have an idea of how a girlfriend will react to you when you are down financially before you marry.

Now that you are already in the marriage, you are financially down, all you have to do is continue to hussle hard and talk to your wife that everything will soon be okay. Sit her down. Talk to the soft side of her. Let her know that you need her peace, support and prayers to pull through and become the man she wants financially.

3. Even if compatibility and finance are not the issue, there's always the initial learning curve or stage in every marriage. This is usually immediately after marriage to a couple of years after, where both parties will relax, display their true self. This is stage where most marriages fight or quarrel the most because the parties have to re-learn the true characters of their partners. Most people hide their bad characters during dating, most especially when they want the dating to end in marriage.

To pass this stage, you both need alot of patience, tolerance, commitment and communication. If you both recognize this stage and apply all mentioned, the stage will surely pass and you will get your home back in order.

Good luck!

Commendable. Kudos to their parents!

This can mostly come from a stable home, not from a woke damaged "modern" home.

Until the moniker that first brought the matter here confirm you as her husband by commenting here, I am not saying Jack.

When I say even stupid people grow old, this is a typical example.

Why is an old woman recording sex tape?

IjeBos:
And what do you think happens to girls who continuously see their mom's abused? Or sons who think that behavior is normal? What type of men/woman do they end up becoming? Have you ever heard of generational curses?

There's no single sweet marriage that doesn't have fights, misunderstanding, challenges. When those fights, misunderstanding happen, the father and mother must not expose their children to it. Keep it away from them.

Of course, it will send bad messages to the children.

I see some women that will purposefully sit their children down and be talking down on their husbands and vice versa whether in marriage or in divorce.

If adults in a marriage understand that they must keep their children out of their marriage challenges, there will be nothing that will affect the children psychology.

This is why in some countries, if children protection services learned that parents fight in front of their children, they can take the children away from the parents.

Flamemignon1:
Think about this from the perspective of if it was your wife doing these or if it were your sister or daughter going through what she's going through

We need to tell ourselves the bitter truth, that men and women are not the same and don't face equally same challenges in life.

When matters like this happen, there's no one way fits all in how to handle then. It all depends on the entire unique circumstance.

In this her unique circumstance, I have given her the best advise I will give my blood sister.

What's the title of the movie please if it has been released?