₦airaland Forum

cococandy:
Okay like short visit versus living with you?

Anyway to me, it’s the same. I think even if they just came they can go straight to the pot and eat whatever they like.

But different homes different rules I guess.

There's a level of closeness you have with someone that they can do that without problems. But someone that doesn't have a good relationship with you will think twice before walking to your pot except they just want to look for trouble.

If they are staying, it's different

MisterKings:
This is actually where I am headed, is it still okay when you are not in good terms and she enters your pot in your absence

There are some things you should not react negatively to. It might not go down well with me but if that's her way of acting, I have to make sure peace reigns somehow and let her be. Whatever grievances I have with her, I'll discuss with my husband.

blank:
Means if you marry into my family you go vex tire. Mama, papa, brother, sister, everyone goes into the pot or fridge and takes what they want. However, we will always ask for permission before we eat. Everyone cooks whatever they want in anyone's house. Who has time to be babying anyone up and down. I'm happy we all married into the same type of family or everyone adjusted after marriage. Thank God nobody will come and tight chest about going into someone's pot.

Eating my food is not something I get angry about. There's a level of feeling free with someone that you will be able to walk straight to the pot. It's not out of spite or disrespect but familiarity and togetherness.

It's not the same with an inlaw that doesn't share any kind of cordial relationship or closeness just walking straight to your pot.

I have had even my husband's friends and some family go and open pot, fridge, etc. They eat and even take away. When my MIL comes, she could ask "wetin you cook?" or something but she she doesn't just go and start searching.

Even for me, there are some people I visit and I can go to the pot while some others I behave myself

cococandy:
But that’s the thing though. Going to take food from the pot has nothing to do with self respect or good behavior. It’s just going to get food to eat. Like going to take a shower. Or going to bed. I don’t think they need permission for that.

What if you (not you in particular. Just generally speaking) went to work or something? Do they need to know that it’s okay to get food from the pot while you’re not the there? And then when you get home they revert back to asking for permission?

I have questions.

Not when one is not home. I mean just coming to your house and going to your pot. Whatever rocks their boats.

Ask away .

Because they want to be unfortunate.

cococandy:
I don’t believe that’s true.

Well, I believe most elderly/older people respect and behave themselves. Maybe the ones I have encountered. My MIL doesn't do it though neither did my mum

Depends on the relationship between both of them. It means they are cool. But it's rare for that to happen because even your own mother will ask for food instead of going to the pot.

It only some crazy friends that will just go to your pot straight.

Richy4:
... l used to stay away from female Lawyers. Since I don't like unnecessary argument in my life. I know I was generalizing back then but I did not have enough energy for section 98 subsection 784. ..

A lot of them argue over everything. So I get you.

Martinez39:
Whatever. At least I am open minded and I can change my mind if I am shown to be wrong.

Not true. Especially when it comes from the gender you detest.

foreveryoung1515:
so mean

At least the guy will know the prices of all kinds of rechargeable fans by now

Martinez39:
Lol. Stubborn? not at all. I am just uncompromising in achieving what I want.

Semantics

oghale23:
I am not saying that a woman should not get a PHD, it is a requirement if she wants to lecture in the university.

I guess this is a complicated question because it involves a lot of things.

I know of a couple who are friends of my family. The man is a business man, while the wife is a Medical Doctor. They are in their late 50's and have three children. Currently they are separated because the wife said he cannot meet up with her financial needs.

She built a house in Lagos without informing the husband, while her husband was building a house in Ogun state. To a man that is an insult and the trust between them have been broken. She even told him to live with her in the house she built.

Phd or not, this couple you mentioned are not in tune with each other. It could still happen if she isn't that educated. It's an attitude thing.

calgaryFriend:
This is an example of what the OP is saying, who told you that birthday must be celebrated ?
How does not celebrating/celebrating birthdays become an issue...

This generation is so weak and very dependent on attention, what happened to giving praise to God for a new day and moving on ?
Must you call everybody and give them food and drinks on your birthday ? What if for some reasons you cannot afford to do that , is your happiness going to be affected ?

Damn

That's the only part that affects you I see

As if phd is a terminal illness. Why should she repel suitors?

kelechiodo:
Hahaha, that was how I dealt with one of my neighbours. He was fond of saying that what I bought was on the high side so I started lying to him concerning the price by reducing the price. One day I bought a rechargeable standing fine at 18000 and when he saw it and asked, but I I told him that I bought it 5000. The idiot still said "guy it cost oh". I merely ignored him not knowing that he was interested in buying such. The next day, he went to ogbete market and started wandering in the entire market looking for 5000 rechargeable standing fan. He would call me to direct him and I would gave him a vague direction. He later came back late in the evening and implored me to take his 5000 and help buy the stuff. I refused and redirected him, the next day, he took off again for the market and continue his wandering. He later demanded for the receipt in order to get the correct address but I merely told him that I left the shop without collecting any receipt.
When it happened to him the next time I bought generator, he stopped asking me such foolish question.

You are mean.

bluefilm:
Hahahaha...

I don't blame her at all.

I'm sure at some point in your life, you must have done the same to your mother!

Now, it's payback time!!!

Most dads of those days were not that close to their kids.

Just this past midnight, she woke up and was mumbling some and I went to try and pat her to sleep but she said "no daddy". He had to get up to pat her to sleep.

To an extent it does, but it's not only our family upbringing that moulds us. Well except we were caged at home all our lives and didn't go out to see what the world was about.

I grew up in a home where we never celebrated my parents bdays. I didn't even know their birthdays but we the kids celebrate ours.

Even if we grow up in a setting where some things were not done, other external factors could change that.

We go to school, boarding or day, university, etc, we make friends and we see how things are done. We go to church, mosque and listen to teachings on relationship/marriage, attend marriage counseling before wedding (i don't know about Muslims)

So someone cannot come and say she doesn't know she's supposed to submit because her mother didn't submit or that he doesn't know he will provide for the family because his father didn't. It doesn't add up. It's mostly someone trying to turn a blind eye, shun responsibilities or duties and conveniently using upbringing as an excuse.

That is a personal flaw except the person was home schooled and locked up at home till it was time to get married.

bluefilm:
Wow!

This is so adorable.

Daughters and their dads eh!

The love can be something else at times.

I know some daughters who have successfully stolen their dads(love and attention) from their mothers.

I know my unborn daughter Susan will do the same.

If I just sit and lean on my husband's shoulder, my daughter will sit on the other side and do same. If I peck his cheek, she does the same. Jealous child! Lol

iCauseTrouble:
Okay. So what should I get for you too?

Nothing you can get me that I cannot get for myself. I'll pass.

wired4comfort:
I need a neutral person's opinion on this.
I spend between 30-35k every other month on food and other consumables. my husband thinks it's too much because it's just the two of us.
Do you think it's too much?
pls offer tips on how to spend less.
thanks

He says you are spending too much. No problem.

For me, I don't like to complain, nag, argue about things like this. Take the 22k and buy what it can. Do not exceed that amount. Reduce the meat, fish, etc. Cut meat smaller (half the current size). Buy a much cheaper rice probably the "localest" one with plenty stones. If he complains about stones, tell him you had to buy a cheaper rice and you spent a long time trying to pick out the stones.

Eliminate or cut down on the particular things he likes especially if a cheaper alternative can be used.

Buy half of the milk, tea, beverages you buy. Honey beans is more expensive, buy olotu or brown beans. Don't buy anything that is not essential. Cut out all the extras. Don't spend beyond 22k. If everything finishes, you know your answer.

That's usually my approach in some situations instead of arguing or explaining. Do as he says and use only 22k. Don't fight or try to prove anything.

iCauseTrouble:
Some girls are still taxing us to buy something for them on International Men's day. Some ladies just came to this world to beg and die

Allow us celebrate you on this day. But no, you must still bash women somehow sha. It is well with men on this forum.

Martinez39:
>I inherited my face from my dad.
>I have a nice handwriting like my mum (I don't think handwriting is inherited).
>I am smart as my dad.
>I inherited my mum's eye colour, skin colour, and posture.

What about the stubbornness?

*Runs away

Fisher007:
My sister you must be an exception cause there are always exceptions.

Your hubby must be lucky trust me. Look at the lives of your female colleagues in school, what they have been through and how they pressure the poor husband to accept all these emotional baggages.

Most women don't understand what having a happy home means. They are so self centered and entitled that even it means disturbing the peace of the husband. The poor guy will just stay out all the time. Madam will think he is busy cheating around, not knowing the guy has so much responsibilities (school fees, mother, house rent, feeding and providing for the house, family (cousin, newphew, relatives ), career issues , self development issues) that cheating is his list priority.

Your hubby must be lucky though cause, look around you really, it is rare to see case as yours.

Lol... I like having him home jare. So I try to make the house liveable. Even till all his football matches, EPL, UCL, AFCON, Europa, Carabao, NPL, La Liga, Serie A,etc. He watches them all at home. No need to go out.

Marriage is really what you make it; especially when you marry someone on the same page with you and one who has your interest at heart.

There are disagreements and squabbles but we still realize that we are working together for the same goal.

blakid:
I'm still searching for that aunty that introduced me to sex when i was 10. If i catch her now ehn, the kind vex wet i go use scatter her veejay, in her next life, she no go try that with young boys again.

Wow!! Many ladies forming aunty and abusing young boys and scaring them for life

Mine has always been being taken for granted... familiarity, arinfin...

taylor89:
Another man fvcking my wife


To my future wife out there please and please if u know you'll tag me an animal for laying hands on you don't do these Four below


1. Don't cheat (even if I cheat don't cheat back it's a set up because i go beat u before sending u packing

2. No matter what happens between us don't yell at me outside (u can do to me whatever you wish indoor even beat me I no go talk since na me dey at fault but don't do it outside

3. This one is the most important one, DONT COME BETWEEN ME AND MY PARENTS/SIBLINGS, they all went through hell for me probably when you were busy fvcking another guy(your then boyfriend) so when it's time to reap what they sowed u Better don't try to stop it because I'll stop you first

4. READ THE NO. 3 AGAIN I CAN EVEN KILL FOR NUMBER 3

If she can keep to this three then I'm ready

You are actually the one who determines no 3. When you make her feel like your family is more important than her, it's bound to happen.

When you marry, your wife also becomes your family. Making her feel like she is a stranger that just came in to interrupt after your family has "suffered for you" is the problem. You should rather integrate her into the family.

Fisher007:
Hmm where do I start from?

Marriage is a scam.

Legacy is the only thing a man needs. As far as you have a child or children (surrogacy, adoption or baby mama). All na pickin, the rest is history.

Most people marry for flimsy, weird, crazy, survival, unfathomable and dumbfounded reason. I will speak for the men. Ladies you can speak your own too below in the comments section

You will marry a woman who's love for you is provisional, transactional and conditional. ( For better for worse statement na scam). If you doubt me try your luck. 95 percent of people in marriages are sad and cheat on each other.
The last 5percent are in a open relationship known to both party. Them just they push through for survival purpose

For men:

Na white knighting and captain save a slut wey dey do most of us. In order words beauty and toto dey too dey deceive us.

You will marry a woman you think you know. But you have no idea actually. She will form submissive, homely, loving until you done put am for house. Gbam the equation will change. Most ladies marry you based on their time don dey reach or based on they need you to provide.

You will now start understanding the famous quotes "my wife has changed. She is not the lady I married".

You see whoever you marry will always change. Change is constant. So don't complain. She will get fat, she will have hormonial imbalance, she will nag you. You will loose your peace, calm and quiet life. Just even forget sex - that one go turn weapon and manipulation tool for her. She will get old before you. Mind game go kill Una for house. It will be a power struggle since most women don't want to play their traditional role in the house. You will just be slaving and suffering for an ungrateful being brought out from your ribs.

To go home after work will be a problem, beer parlour and hangout will be your new base. She go police your life die. Na pure cage you go put yourself. But what do I know. Instead of you to stay single and enjoy your life as man. Nobody is rushing you. You will let stupid societal norms and Disney/ Naija/ Indian/ American movie fool you. Love doesn't exist man. It is only compatibility that exist.

You will hear excuse such as you will die alone. Lol. Did you come to earth with somebody before? Psssh

Qoute me at your peril. I done talk my own. Transformer and river is not far from you. Find the nearest one.

Hmmmm...true.

Good to realize how much peace I give hubby. Because he spends most of his free time at home and likes me to tag along when he goes out sometimes.

Thanks for this

What is boring about using an iPhone? You are just trying to form like you are not excited and jumping for joy with your head hitting the ceiling.

doitforyou:
I have noticed this new trend of “an advice is bad because the person dishing it isn’t eating it.” A good advice is a good advice. Steve Harvey’s relationship was a mess but his relationship book became a bestseller. Apparently those that bought it saw value in it. Some doctors smoke. We have good divorced marriage therapists. Some abused women will come online to tell another abused woman to leave her marriage, is it a bad advice because the abused woman giving the advice refuses to leave her own marriage? If you are foolish (not you) enough to apply an advice that doesn’t benefit you then you deserve the negative outcome.

It's a different case when someone is telling you not to wash your husband's plates when he eats but tell him to pack it and go wash it himself. Meanwhile, they themselves wash their husband's plates.

Or a woman encourages another to leave her the house at the slightest disagreement but meanwhile she tries to reconcile with her own husband and stays.

That's the kind of thing I mean. Why advise someone to do what you cannot do?

I am not talking about when someone advises her friend to study hard and excel meanwhile she herself fails.

These are two different things

cococandy:
Well I don’t know the specifics of this case. It’s almost fourth hand knowledge seeing at it’s your colleague’s friend.

Unless your colleague’s friend was in an unhealthy or abusive marriage, there’s no feminist advice that can break it.My point is that feminists are not the boogeymen

But I’m glad she became an adult and took responsibility for her own life and decisions.

No case of abuse. Basically they made her understand that they both have equal rights and he should clear his plates and go wash them himself.

That particular "little" issue made their marriage hang on a thread. Funny enough, he never reported her to a single person but his attitude towards her changed. Her Pastor's wife had to tell her to try washing his plates for 3weeks and see what happens.

And my colleague told me that within two weeks, her car that had been giving her issues that the guy pretended not to notice was replaced by him. Things picked up.