₦airaland Forum

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Why did you guys get married? Was it because she was pregnant? Were you guys forced to marry each other? Just going at each other like little children without any sense of reasoning.


There's no love, respect or anything between you guys. And the way you sound so insensitive and lacking consideration. She went out early to get goods and was running late and all you could think about was your food not being ready on time; instead of you to even make breakfast for both of you. Did you even care if she was fine or exhausted?


Maybe you both should ask yourselves why you say these hurtful things to each other. Did you ever love each other?

Valwezzy:
70% of these tips won't work in our typical Naija setting.

Meanwhile, if this thread can make front-page after 7 years, my brother/sister never give up, God will surely elevate you, your career and all that concerns you someday

Exactly!

Who's going to pay for a letter from Santa in Nigeria?

Who will pay someone to wrap gifts?

pappy2000:
I really dont want to brak her sister heart because she has spent her money n energy to make this realtionship work but now my wife is just irrational. I told her its a step at a time but she insisit i should do all, she is asking for phone i must her a new set of chair and do proper wedding all at once, she even suggested i should sell my car n buy okada

Hope the sister doesn't become the head of your family.

missyQween:
They don't know how it hurts when you trusted someone so much and they still go behind your back to cheat.
I am sure, if he wasn't blackmailed. He will keep doing it.

Yet he can only see her fault but not his own.

"who is czarr?"

harrikoko:
I agreed I goofed guys, yes I did confess to her that I did worse and I do pray I find the strength never to cheat on her again. I was only worried because I never believed she could do that shit. Like I stated in the post I can swear anywhere and with anything that she can't cheat? I have forgiven and I do she has forgiven me as well, but my fear is that, there could be more and she's not comfortable telling, because she accidentally let it slipped that if she had done it with her ex our marriage would have crashed long ago as he would prolly blackmail her.
I am just here to seek advice from mature minds on how we can make herself better and how to prove to her that she's still my world. Thanks

Maybe she could sworn to anyone and anything that you would never cheat on her too. You are only looking at it from your perspective. What about from hers? The fact that you only quit because you were blackmailed and not because you came to yourself.

She on the other hand did it once, realized her mistake and stopped on her own.

You are the devil here o

PrincessNZ:
Nonsense talk.






To the OP,

Either you or your husband or both of you married for selfish reasons. Love is permanent when two people marry for unselfish reasons.

Maybe he married her virginity and now the virginity is gone.

Kastrom:
Good evening ladies and gentlemen, I just finished serving last month and I got a job offer of 40k. I am a B.Sc holder, graduated with second class upper. I need your candid advice whether I should accept or decline the job offer.

You can decide to take the job. But what usually happens is that such companies will pay peanuts but will drown the staff in so much work that going for other opportunities will be impossible. After years of blackmailing you with "there are no jobs out there" by your boss, you will find yourself frustrated and sometimes diminished.

Don't think the people that get the 200k jobs have 5 heads or their uncles are all influential. The day you buy that lie from pessimistic Nigerians, you are gone. You will just be swimming in highest, 50k jobs and will feel you are "lucky".

Look out for job posts and apply in the big companies. Visit the websites of the companies you would like to work in to check out their vacancies. Network with people and make yourself visible.

That's my own two cents.

J2381:
Chai. This is what the average Nigerian graduate have been reduce to, always settling for less.

It's the situation of the country. Things have gotten really badddd. Many people are rushing to grab the few jobs available. But believe me, there are jobs that pay much better that doesn't require connection but a positive mindset.

I earned this amount before NYSC. But things were actually better a few years back.

Op will be fine. He can decide to take the job. But what usually happens is that such companies will pay peanuts but will drown the staff in so much work that going for other opportunities will be impossible. After years of blackmailing him with "there are no jobs out there" by his boss, he will find himself frustrated and sometimes diminished.

Mutemenot:
Most politicians started that way, it's always boy boy at the beginning. Don't give up Okay, just manage him however he is, believe me he will hammer like a yahoo guy someday ....
dont allow the situation cause wahala ok

You are encouraging the lack of productivity. He cannot sit around and wait to hammer. He has a family to take care of. He needs to wake up and smell the coffee and take responsibility for his family.

Let the hammer meet him while he's earning something.

ursullalinda:
My neighbour once had this same issue with her hubby and later politics paid off ......now they are flexing our money.....living with a jobless man co easy oh....just try and start something and encourage him to do same while he waits to hammer in politics....since he isn't doing anything now.....he will steal all our money if he gets appointment as that will be his source of income

What if he never hammers? He should keep waiting and doing nothing else while she hustles and pays all the bills. Many of these politicians hd jobs, businesses, etc. As a a man, he cannot just sit idle and wait to hammer.

chiboyo:
Your point is also valid, but the fact remains that the funds she gave to her hubby to add to the personal project should have been used to stabilise their income first..
Personal project does not put food on the table.
My advise is to either sell the "personal project" and stabilise their income with the proceeds of the sale by setting up a biz or borrow from family and friends to set up (2nd option because it is quite difficult to borrow money from people these days)

I wonder how much of it actually went into the project. She should face the family and allow him fund the project from now on. If she has the extra money to add to it, she should supervise the use of the money herself

Acidosis:
It is NOT going to pay off on the short or long run. Not having a job and not being able to pay rent is more than enough reason to avoid spending all resources on a building project. Many of our aged parents made this mistake. A lot of them died poor with nothing. Only the children benefited at the end of the day by selling off the property.

Landlord harassment is not enough to provoke one into building a personal apartment. That anger should make you work harder to pay your rent, not spend what you don't have raising a shanty house.

The desire to raise one's income should supercede the desire to "lower" expenditure/expenses.

How can you even lower expenses by spending so much on a personal house?

Do a quick calculation;

Annual rent = N100k

Personal apartment/land = N2-3m (in a small town)

What's the sense in the above? 3m is rent for 30 years (assumed 0 inflation). Add 30 to your current age and tell me what you have.

That 3m in mutual funds, or a risk-free investment like TBills will yield at least 350k annually with 0 work. From that, you pay your rent easily, and increase your networth in a sporadic manner over a very short timeframe.

I understand your angle. However, having your own house could solve a lot of problems.

My dad for instance struggled to build a house... struggled. There were bad times but the fact that we didn't have to pay rent and that we were even collecting rent from tenants was extremely helpful.

Today he's gone but the property still stands. When my brother went through difficult times, he moved back into the house with his family till they were able to stabilize and he moved out. That house has been a saving grace for so many people. But building it wasn't a walk in thr park.

Having your own house is a great thing though it should not be built while the family is left completely hungry and uncared for. There could be some sacrifices and cutting down on some things but basic should be provided for.

I don't even blame the guy. It's the followers who call themselves Marlians that I am worried for.

denko:
Careless mother looking for a scapegoat

And you know this how? Or you just feel like blaming the mother. So if her baby is sleeping, she has to sit down and watch him/her sleep in case her children kill him/her. Ok

1StopRudeness:
He said he has told the woman abroad he’s got a family in Nigeria.....I thot that he was angry about finding out the wife had an initial child with another man after he married her..however some pple said that’s not what he wrote....

clearly he’s angry for another reason he ddnt say...

He’s obviously an impulsive person.... if he can get angry small and just go all the way to abroad...

Oh! I guess I didn't read that well.

Yeah. He's quite impulsive. He needs to step back and consider his decision well before he takes action. Because if this new one comes up with issues. He will run and look for another one and continue the cycle.

How many ladies still do "let's see how it goes" or just flow along.

Because when push turns to shove, the guy will say "did I ask you out?"

As long as you have not said anything, there's nothing. If she starts dating someone else, she's not cheating.

1StopRudeness:
It’s enuf reason to end a marriage..it’s called deception....why bring out the child later.....she has assumed well the marriage is done already, there’s nothing the man can do...that’s bullshitt.

a lot of men don’t want women with children, and some men don’t mind...why hide such when it’s a factor for men..:
A child is a whole human being..... u don’t hide that and trick a man into a marriage saying u have reasons...

And he wants to use that deception on the new woman. He won't tell her that he has a family. So why exactly is he angry with his wife??

Isn't he doing the same thing she did?

Scammers. They can't ask people to donate for a wedding and then divert the funds for honeymoon and an elaborate one.

I think the issue is more of spending too much time with friends and less time minding the home.

When you have many friends that you have to spend time with in person or on the phone, it's hard to keep up with everything else and allocate the needed time to other things that matter. It's still 24 hours in a day.

So you have kids and a spouse to be there for and you always have one friend to visit or party to attend. It will definitely tell on the relationship with your spouse and kids. It's not rocket science.

Having many friends can actually make a wife look bad. Time is very crucial. When you are married and with children, it's even more crucial.

yemisolar:
Sorry to be blunt but rejecting one's wife's food because one is angry at her is (forgive my use of words) a sign of immaturity.

Some men do it because they want to get back to the wife by letting her waste her time to cook and then decide not to eat. Even these days when it's the maid that cooks they will still not eat. It is akin to burning your money or smashing your phone just because you are angry.

The question is,

Who owns the house (or pays the rent)?
Who owns the food (or drops money for food)?
Who 'owns' the wife (not literally)?
Who owns the anger?

So why will you fight with yourself just because you are angry.

It's before that it was a big issue. These days many wives will not bother cooking. After they settle, the wife can resume cooking.

Besides, there are also many men that will still eat despite their being upset. They will now be smelling some wonderful aroma and now form anger when the stomach is rumbling and yearning for the food...yimu

PerfectView:
My dad used to do that a lot to my mum anytime he was angry with her when I was with my parents. I found out that I would also do it to them whenever any of them scolded me or I was just angry with them. I would eat out and ignore eating at home for days until I got my dad or mum's attention. Now that I am married with kids, I don't even live in Africa. I find myself doing it to my wife. It has got into my subconsciousness...eaten deep to the extent that I don't see anything bad with it. I see my first son taking after me already too...it is a crazy habit, I know but it has come to be in our family. Thank God my wife understands and she is just being indifferent.

Terrible habit and cycle...what a bad thing for your son to adapt. Your wife and mother are really nice. I won't even bother...in fact, I will cook in the smallest pot for only me and eat it all from the pot...lol. My husband doesn't do it because I will see it as a break and not disturb myself.

I have said it on this forum that my friend will happily not cook for her husband that period. She'd just make sure there's bread in case he gets very hungry.

I don't feed such tantrums. My child won't even try it. As an African mother, I will reset him or her.

chigoizie7:
That those things are simple to you doesn’t mean they are not complicated for others

What makes them complicated?

saucecoder:
As your lips just look soft and succulent like dat, Iz only lies dat full inside

Don't use your standard for everyone.

The fact that you are a liar doesn't mean everyone else is.

Jersuiyjoe:
The Problem you are facing now isn't much of a big deal,ask me why¿ Because you haven't show em your through colour on deciding what you want and what's best for you about your future plan with your gf. to cut it short, what i am trying to say is;you need to be stubborn. you aren't a kid anymore,they can't decide for you.
i know they might have threaten you if you go ahead with your own plan. why didn't you ask your dad as he's a pastor to quote a passage in the bible where a man must marry his beloved wife from the same tribe as he is.
This is a chance for you to prove to your gf that love can make you do anything by not following your parent's tribalistic advice ,make her feel she was not with the wrong guy all along, prove it to them that you are going to marry her no matter what they say and even if it's for them not to attend your wedding ceremony,let it be. But you will be shock they will be the first person at your wedding ceremony.
(Davido Said to Chioma that if it's for him to be in jail,he would do it)
So Have gotta be a man, stop slacking out and act fast.
dont be scared of talking to your gf on the phone when your parent is around, let them know that you have liberty and nothing will stop ya.
if you loose this opportunity you loose it forever

You are right o. When my MIL proved stubborn because of religious denomination, my husband exploded. She said she would only attend the traditional and go back to her base. My husband told her not to bother coming at all that he would send her the pictures.

chigoizie7:
As Africans and most importantly Nigerians and then much more importantly, IGBO’S, one of the reasons why we marry, I mean one of the most important reason is to procreate , that is to have children that will bear our names, takes over from where we stopped and then take care of us when we get older. That said.


We travel also to explore and look for better options for a better life. However, we tend to return home to our roots afterwards and of course with our children and wives too.


You had the opportunity to live in the western part of naija which exposed you to different tribes and most importantly the yorubas.

They are good people , they have lovely women too. But your parents fears are.


Will she be comfortable to always come down to the east with you and the kids? I mean, she doesn’t know anyone there, her family and friends and associates are mostly in the Yoruba land.

I will give you an example , I live in South Africa. There are many Nigerian men living here, most of them are so rich and well to do, old enough to get married. But they are not marrying South African women, trust me, these women are sexy, beautiful and well endowed. But one thing with them is, they can’t leave SA. Now we also know that the Nigerian men living in SA are only there to make money and then return home some day. Someone will be asking why these men only date those SA women and don’t marry them. Why would you marry a woman who is never willing to come live with you in Nigeria when you decides to retire ? What is the need of having kids that would never know where their father comes from?

You see, these women have their lives revolving around SA, families, friends, culture, associates . That they are not ready to leave for a new country.

Same thing is applicable to Inter tribal marriages in Nigeria.

How many Igbo men married to Yoruba or Hausa women lives in the east?

How many Yoruba or Hausa women married to IGBO men live in the south east ?

If you can answer these questions, then you will know why IGBO parents are always apprehensive about their wards getting married to other tribes especially when they do not live in the east.




Op tell your girlfriend that both of you are moving to the east to reside permanently and watch her reactions.

These concerns are not enough to deprive someone from marrying who they love. Besides who told you that she won't move to the east with him?

My brother married a Yoruba lady. They lived in Lagos but his job took him to Uyo and she moved there with him even of she didn't know the language. And her "Yoruba" mum visited a couple of times.

Let's not make simple things complicated. Why should the issue of village meeting, traveling to the east, speaking the language get in the way of two people who are probably meant to be together?

Let's not make it

Spaghetti can suffice.

Just make spaghetti Bolognese with carrots, spring onions, green peppers, peas with whichever animal...chicken, beef. Very easy and timely option.

saucecoder:
Keep making your Story juicy you hear just because u want to be believable in trying to defend the indefensible.
What na concern triplets with just one 8 days old baby dat enjoys sucking boosbs.
Iz like something is strong wit you

Lazy women everywhere. Tueh

Your mouth...
Your brain...
You can use it as you like.

Skmoda360:
Even Akwa Ibom, there bride price is overly much ehn......

Haba!! Our bride price isn't high. Besides, all the requirements on the list are subject to negotiation. Both families pick a date to sit and discuss.

It's greedy families that try to get rich marrying off their daughter. Besides, the brides are usually sent off with gifts and items for her husband's house...mine included a washing machine and full gas cooker (with oven). That's just to mention a few.

ken6488:
Delta na tribe

Sorry... state. He didn't actually specify the tribe

Kapilta:
did you just say yes to his question that 'Ondo girls are wicked and stubborn? Very funny. Stubborness is in our blood generally both male and woman buh wickedness, that's totally not true.

The only thing is ondo girls dont have problem changing husbands, they can remarry till they find the right place which is not bad. When you don't treat them right, don't even think they will stay a seconds in your home. They don't do this i'm doing it for my children tinging. Not at all. You treat them bad, they move back to their fathers house, they find love and marry again, if same happen, they return to their fathers house. That's just the thing. And to me that's not bad, they need to stay alive to take care of their children.

That's how some years back, my neighbour was gisting with our Landlady's daughter (a grown woman of over 40 though). And my neighbour(a Yoruba lady) mentioned a particular yoruba state that they don't usually stay in their husband's house.

What my neighbour didn't know was that my landlady was from that state. And both landlady and daughter were not with their husbands anymore. When the woman said that's where she's from, my neighbour just ran to come and report herself to me that her mouth will not kill her .

I don't remember the state

ken6488:
What tribe

Delta