₦airaland Forum

ken6488:
Calabar or Igbo

Though I can date not marry
#note I am from Delta

Reason Is because of distance..

and The excessive bride price

yazga:
Because majority of people acquiring the highest judicial position are men themselves. And that education does not guarantee being bereft of patriarchal values. There are core beliefs which are deeply ingrained in you since birth and no matter how much higher position you hold in academic sphere, those still remain ingrained. Moral policing and conservative patriarchal values remains one of them. As per SC criminalizing marital law will hurt the “institution of marriage”.Really?? ! “That women shall use the law for vengeance then!”

I can vouch from real life experiences that a huge majority of Indian women whom I have come across aren’t happy with their marital life. They have no other option or are “forced” to stay in those marriage because

Of societal pressure. They have no choice to decide for themselves.
They have nowhere to go because they are completely financially dependent on their husbands
The didn’t inherit anything from paternal side financially because after marriage girls were supposed to be and still considered “someone else’s property” .
Being almost disowned by family after marriage. Men’s home is her only home now. Her own home now is visitor’s paradise for her now!
Marital rape is being raised with much aggression now because women are now voicing for their rights. When today women have options to move out of abusive, incompatible marriages and self sustain themselves, why shouldn’t today. Today many women have options and hence they are demanding for themselves for what is wrong and right. Saying that in earlier times(probably in 90’s), marriages were more sacred is ignorance to the fullest. Most women had no options then, were reduced to household jobs. It was “thrust upon them , forced upon them”, and not out of “CHOICE”.

I have a brother whose wife despite being a Ph.D. chose to stay home. I never understood and often wondered how an educated person like her could choose to stay at home until I learnt that For whatever reason it is ,it was her “choice”. Having “choice” to decide for yourself and be supported with love and respect by your loved ones for what it true equality means. There is nothing bad in being a housewife if it come of healthy choices and not compulsion.That means if a man chose to stay home and wife works , he is supported with for it with respect(in and idol world!).Because , patriarchy harms as much men as women. See men who stay at home and how much they are catcalled or looked down upon.

Being financially independent doesn’t always mean living through a feminist lens. There have been cases that even being financially independent, women have no love or respect or empathy from their partners at home or in family. The whole idea of equality is to have right to make choices for one’s own life and be loved and supported from the other person unconditionally.

Most Women from 90’s never got this. I have relatives giving mental cancers whenever they open their mouth who believe god has made men more physically strong than women and hence they are superior to women. I have no second thoughts that the women in their lives would mostly be victims of their acts. Not just that. What happens inside bedrooms is a hush hush topic. Whose parents discuss their “sex life”! When did we asked women around and in ours lives if they ever did it unwillingly. “Sex” is a very private thing. Though people among today’s generation are getting open about it amongst each other , talking about it still confided around academic space mostly. I know I can still not talk to my mother about it. I may ever ask about the word “Sex” but not her own life revolving around it.

So it’s downright stupid to say that “it hurts the institution of marriage” until you have all facts , figures and stats in place from proper surveys. Find out how many women are really happy in their lives , was it willingly or forced upon things in their times(which used to be mostly an arrange marriage set up). Your myth will be busted.

I read an article where a girl returns back to her home after 2 months of her arrange marriage because her husband used to force himself on her and when she told it to her mother and sister. And to her surprise her mother rather scolded her that “why else her husband had married her. What does it means it hurts. We all do it. “It hurts us all few times”.It’s no reason to not be intimate with your husband. If you can’t satisfy him , give it to him or satisfy his “needs’, he will go somewhere else and that’s how she and only she and no one else will be responsible for her marriage failure.”(I will edit link of article if I found it) If you see the thoughts process here , elder women might have been meted out similar treatment for they are giving their daughters similar advises!!

If you can’t recognize marital rape , just simply declare that marriage does not something sacred for you as a symbol of love but rather life long sex slavery. Calling it sacrament is simply to fool others. People are more for themselves rather than saving someone else. They are more concerned with what if it’s a false case , blatantly ignoring the woes of those being victimized.

If asking for right and recognition for autonomy over one’s body and dignity hurts the institution of marriage so much , than such institutions should go down in shambles. This is about one’s body and the other person has to take permission before entering it. SC ruling shows how fragile the system it . Many may not like it but it does even matter because this is not about them , this is about those who are being slaved down in bedrooms just because somebody is physically not that strong as compared to other and you lack the basic human empathy to understand what love and consent means.

bukatyne:
@ImaIma1, you are married so we can have this discussion.

If someone is not genuinely up to it, the spouse knows in a sane marriage and would help him/her to get his/her groove back.

Even on this same NL, wives have been advised to spike their husbands' drinks, seduce him when he stops having sex with them.

Some others have been advised on all sort of concussions and drugs to give their spouses to get their MOJO back.

As a married person, if you understand that sex is a duty to your spouse, then you are able to negotiate when you are not up to it.

For instance, if a spouse is sick, the other party would definitely be more concerned about nursing them back to health before talking about sex. Some other times, the sick party might feel gentle sex would accelerate the healing.

I know a moniker who said after his wife had the second kid, she wasn't feeling sex any more.

Obviously, that would not fly so hubby asiisted in changing her diet, body positivity exercises and before you say Jack, she was back. (His account).

I remember a male friend who said he never knew sex could be a bore/chore till they were trying to conceive. Apart from the wife giving him all sort of concussions, she called him from anywhere when she was ovulating.

He was no longer interested yet he obviously could not say no till she was pregnant. Some colleagues complain that they have to do when they get home because madam will not take 'Lagos traffic' everyday before 'you are cheating abi' enters.

If a marriage has deteriorated to the point where a husband/wife is physically injuring the other party for sex or sexually abusing them, they need to seek help.

saucecoder:
Iz like you think you're talking to a secondary school student

Someone fainted and a certified doctor with a medical degree told you the reason is because of exclusive breastfeeding? You must be high, you and the native doctor that told you that.

bukatyne:
I have explained over and over.

Rape is sex without consent.

In the wedding vows, you automatically give consent to your spouse as a man and woman. Infact if the marriage is not consummated (no sex happens), it can be annulled.

There is sexual abuse like all other types of abuse in marriage. Examples of sexual abuse would include performing sexual acts the other partner finds humiliating, denying your partner sex, withholding sex for favors i.e. Using it as a bargaining chip, deliberately refusing to satisfy your partner etc.

There can also be physical assault where the husband or wife deliberately injures the other party in the course of sex.

Plead:
Lmao.... you female folks think life is easy , you know how much to rent a 2bedroom flat in a city?


Because most of you female folks stay with your family even till death if you dont Have a suitor but If it’s the other way round you’ll be saying rubbish

saucecoder:
Is it what the wife deserves or what a baby deserves that should matter now?
Some of these girls no just get sense again these days.

What is happening baba God?

mechanics:
lolz, tell me what the Bible is saying?

DeRay98:
You said it all.
It's our brainwashed mentality that says marriage is not contracted until going to church.
This is problem we're into now.
Why can't both be done within 2days if it must be done.
Traditional marriage where the bride's family has collected her dowry is the totality of the marriage. What we call white/church wedding is the Europeans' own traditional marriage that they sold to us through church.
The church wedding can't hold until the Pastor or priests confirms that the bride's family have collected her dowry.
Unless in a case where the family have accepted that church wedding is their total and no need for traditional marriage.
This long held system where we hold traditional marriage one day and wait for months to conduct church wedding is nonsense and wastage of lots of energy and resources.
Even churches are now conducting very low key and week day marriages in pastor's office with only parents as witnesses, not to keep young people suffering because of grandiose wedding plans.
Once the traditional marriage is done, God recognise bride's parents are the full responsibility for her bethrotal and therefore, conjugal responsibility can start.

martowskin1:
My dear u took it out of my mouth, there is something she is hiding, but if am the guy, I will send her back to her parents, after the white wedding, she can return.

Anytime I fix the date for the wedding concerns no one

mechanics:
There is nothing wrong in her decision, in my church you are not allowed to make love until after church wedding.

kunleweb:
She reserves a right to her definitive of principles and institutions ma

kunleweb:
Stop subjecting people to your standards madam. Your principles your biz, hers her biz. That's how it works.

micxwell:
Let's go back to 100years ago! Was there church marriage? Traditional marriage tops it all then. Things have changed. If she's not a virgin, the marriage will eventually crash.

kunleweb:
No disciplined. Her life, her beliefs, her freedom, her vagina

martowskin1:
Trustworthy?

Let's look this from another angle.

From his post they are already living together after the traditional marriage.

If she believed she is not married yet, why live with him....

This things are simple, u can't be living with him like a wife and said till wedding night.

Is that not hypocrisy?....

Chinapepe:
Exactly my thought. We're getting it all wrong as Christians-hasn't the marriage taken place after traditional wedding & bride price paid? it's just the practice that's been in place in the contemporary times and I'll advise that you respect her decision to wait till the night of your "marriage." From the brief description of her ways/actions, one could deduce that she's a disciplined chap. It's well.

AwkaetitiBabe:
You both live in the same house since the traditional marriage and no action? Wow wow wow. As in she doesn't get turned on by seeing you up close? Hmmmmm wonderment.

Simply go do the white wedde

BiggyB242:
Even if she allows him, he isn't going to enjoy it. Sex is enjoyed when both party agree to it. It will be more like rape only that she wouldn't resist.

bashtee09:
Post of 2011 now making front page


Nairaland is now turning a joke


Even the OP of this thread might have forgotten their is a site named nairaland

pocohantas:
Excellent.

Any man that can keep himself till marriage is a wonder of the world. I will cross seven seas for him...

Barristter07:
So u Get married to man who shared your standard, am I right ?

Barristter07:
Am.amazed ! What a reply ... Thumbs up#

kunleweb:
I also checked and laughed. I'm sure this was the scenario that led to your current marriage madam

Jewessgratitude:
The best!

Sex is not a guarantee it will work rather it will cause more pain and sorrow if the relationship doesn't work out in the end. It may also lead to rejected pregnancy. Like the case of the girl held hostage by her Ghanian boyfriend and is being tormented.

Anyone who comes my way and says he can't do without sex, to hell!!!!!!!!! Not with all the disease this " sex in a relationship " kind of people are spreading all over the place with their stupid principles.

I can't come risk my health because of one "sleep around" dog.

CanadaOrBust:
U have to define marriage. You can be said to be married during the duration u r having the sex.

Cutehector:
you don tey for this Nairaland o since 2011

GreatResearcher:
We've currently put a pause to sex in my marriage.

Enemyofpeace:
you were learning how to post a new thread and your first topic was on sex abi? Continue you hear? Na you get your borehole and na you go tire