₦airaland Forum

Very insightful writeup.

You spoke too much negativity into your life and family and people around you and then you turn around and blame God.
Try to be positive henceforth. Look at the bright side of life always. You have too much drama around you.
And please stop this atheist mumbo jumbo. It is getting really stale...people turning atheists because they were disappointed by God. God is bigger than you. He can raise stones to replace you.

Your sanity,safety and peace of mind is very important. Think about yourself

Op you just spoilt this write up with that word "olosho". You just lost me there. That word says a lot about the guys who use it

Three months wow! That is such a long time! You should take her to the river for prayers.

Nothing wrong if a woman earns more. It is her character that is the issue, not whether or not she earns more. And as long as the guy is not laid back and lazy, there is no problem.

From my experience, when my husband and I started dating, i was earning more...i had a car and he didnt. But all that didn't matter to both of us and we were not stingy. Now he earns more and that is still no problem.
It depends on the ego and character of those involved.

Life is not meant to be hard. We allow some unnecessary factors cloud our reasoning. Who cares who earns more? As long as we have a common goal, it is not an issue. Besides, two have become one.

RapportNaija:
Lol... After NYSC? What would NYSC savings do for you? At best get you a room APT, and after that, you're left with nothing. What will pay for food, electricity, and other bills?

Biko! Leave your parents home when you are really capable to do so - and your parents don't need you around anymore!

In his parents house he has time to do instagram, nairaland, facebook because there id free food, electricity, etc.
When he leaves home at an early age, he will learn to fend for himself, be responsible for bills and for his food. It is a better choice than having everything handed to you.

Op i doubt that it has anything to do with the CS, delivery or baby. I am 2wks postpartum and i am already looking forward to going back into the DO. Besides i think about my husband's feelings too.

Since you have talked to her and she hasn't changed, pls take it to a counsellor or authority figure. 7months is far too long...too too long for a couple to stay apart

Op request for a list from the matron of the hospital you use. They usually give the lists at antenatal classes if you ask.
You could also get a list online. I got my comprehensive list online

Op will you still be having sex?

...Funmi Iyanda will not tell us of those cold and lonely nights that she wished she had company or those days she wished she had someone coming home to her. All we see is what she wants us to see...the glamour, the strong and powerful independent woman,etc.

If you are going to make a decision to stay alone till you die, make that decision solely by your conviction not by other people's lifestyle or choices.

I blame the father more. If he as an authority/father figure in her life cannot teach her morals and how to choose between good and evil, who will she ever listen to?
There is a drawn line to where a man's wandering pinis should get to. A daughter should not be close to that line. No excuse

Well...as long as both people are serious and ready to face any opposition or badmouthing.

My husband did it!! He married his very close friend's ex.

It is better to use your siblings as NOK instead of your dad. Your dad is technically meant to die before you.

But hating your dad is too much energy. Respect him, live your life and be happy.

Try not to expect too mich when you relate with him since he abuses you mentally. Just take the negative things he says with a pinch of salt.

Men really have a lot of responsibilities on their shoulders and people under them to cater for.

My love and prayers go out to all the responsible men out there who are working hard to provide for their families. More grease to your elbows

Celeb marriages crash because they are still under the illusion that they are celebs at home.

Marriage is one institution that each couple works out themselves. They agree how they want to run it and each marriage is peculiar to the couples involved.

Generally, communication is very important. Talk and make yourself understood. No assumptions.

Respect for each other. Be friends and buddies but respect each other's views, feelings,etc.

Love. When you love, you give. You give time,attention,care, encouragement, gifts, support,etc.The other person's welfare and happiness,peace of mind,etc, becomes very crucial to you.

You will disagree, you will fight but in the midst of it and all the shakara, you will know that he is your husband and she is your wife and you guys will always work things out.

There is no textbook principle or step by step process about how to run a marriage. It is in the little things you do daily that make or mar the marriage.

Spectre007:
would it have been possible if u were a guy?
just asking.

Well...very possible if the guys were also genuinely willing to understand and would go and sit outside his office waiting for him not knowing whether he would respond or ask them to go away. But i never really feared people or believed anyone was not approachable.

One reasonable post on parenting not those "oyibo" unrealistic ones

In my department, the strictest and most feared one was the one whose course i scored the highest. When i didn't understand a topic, i would find my way to his office on the topmost floor and tell him i needed more insight that i was lost. The funny thing is that he would take his time to explain it and i got it.

My mates pitied me when he ended up being my project supervisor but we worked well together and i earned the pet name "Aduke" from him.

We met at my ex's house. We are married now.

DeepSight:
Begin to prepare for she too must die as per the will of God.

Your best prayer is that she sees you die first.

Oh what gratitude to God

Thank you for your kind words.

And i thank God for His blessings.

My cute little baby came this week.
Just looking at her gives me goosebumps.
Thank God for life

OP i understand your point. Off course NL is a forum with all kinds of people...well and unwell...illiterate,semi literate, literate,etc. Not all the advice will make sense because they come from various people with different mindsets,family backgrounds, upbringing, level of understanding,etc.

However, you need to keep an open mind and tone down your perfectionism. You cannot expect everything to be according to how you think it should be. And when you put "Nigerians" in a bucket of low IQ, unintelligent, etc, you should remember that you are a Nigerian. NL cannot submit to your ideas or ideal situations. . It's either you learn to relate with all the kinds of people you find here or you continue to find fault in everything. It is not a formal forum.

Breathe...life is not that hard.

Op your cousin is tormenting herself by allowing her MIL treat her anyhow.
Let us stop all these over respect or misplaced respect. Because the woman is older doesn't give her the right to treat her DIL with disrespect. Respect is reciprocal. It is not just age that earns respect but the comporting of the person.
My MIL cannot be disrespecting me and you expect me to keep quiet. It is either i tell her to butt out or i call my own mother to call her

Anything rice...rice and stew, jollof rice, fried rice, coconut rice, rice and vegetables. Then i love vegetables a lot...soups...afang, edikaikong...i love beans and yam.

Infact i don't have a best food. I like food especially anything cooked by me.

Lol marriage is not a rehabilitation centre.

Good advice

Your cousin is acting like she begged to marry the guy and she is somewhat privileged. Doesn't she have family?

This is not even something to keep from her husband. If he is going to caution his mother and she calls the wife a witch. So what Who cares?? His mum should mind her own house and allow her son to mind his. Your cousin is his wife. She has rights and privileges and she must be protected from the guy's family by him. She should better toughen up and stop crying up and down.

Your cousin is playing the gentle wife. In some situations you need to stand up for yourself and put yourself in a position where no inlaw can insult you. The best they would do is go through your husband. Does she have to pick up the calls just to listen to insults. If my MIL calls me to insult me, i wont utter a word. When i drop the call, i will call my mother to call her.

I will never forget the advice my oldest aunt gave me when i was getting married. She said "twaka tie do"...sit down comfortably there. That nobody can come and intimidate me in my husband's house. That i should sit comfortably and cross my legs .

The same youths that have been saying young people should take the reins are the ones discouraging and badmouthing the young people coming out to contest.
Let Yul try and fail. At least he ventured it. Not like the ones sitting behind their keyboards and saying rubbish.

Pidgin2:
It's funny how daughters relate with their mums versus sons. Same woman can't blackmail her daughter but will blackmail her son OP, it is your fault, ask your wife how she relates to her mum, you need to tell her how it is with you, this is what a daughter will do and the mum will understand, try it

The daughters are women like the mother and know about the manipulation tactic the mum is using. So it's hard for the mum to blackmail or manipulate their daughters the way they do their sons.
It is the same 9months that the mum used to carry both the male and female and the same care and attention. So why do the men feel more indebted to their mums than women. And they say women are more emotional.

Khonifer:


This one doesn't have sense at all

It was not the man locking his wife outside their house, nor his beating everybody including the wife and locking them outside, No. It was the woman's words after she had received her beating that exposed the family's problems


Madness in high places.

Really what is wrong with a lot of Nairaland guys? How does someone even reason like this? Always looking for a way to put the blame on the women no matter the situation. I think we have too many immature guys on this forum.
This kind of reasoning just exposes low IQ level and lack of self development by this OP just like many guys here.

AkachukwuD:
For those attacking me.
First am not supporting the husband for slapping his wife all am saying is that the wife don't have any right to expose their family problems outside their home for any reason.
Now everybody has known that Behind their smile that they are not even living in peace

So she should keep living in bondage and suffering and smiling to show people that there is peace at home. Which people? Is it "the people" she married.If the man didn't want exposure and trouble why did he lock them outside at night. Or he was expecting them to start singing his praises for keeping them outside.

Kuku get sand and create your woman