₦airaland Forum

Tominiola:
Na wa is she still with him?

Yes she is. And she is cut off from friends and family that he doesn't approve of

Op girls have wised up. Too many guys borrow money and never return. And they start playing games and hiding out and even insulting u on top it. Besides, you don't even have a means of repayment. How do u intend to pay back. Free money is sweey but to return is bitter

vargasvictory:
Who have you been taking advises from? Did you stop for a moment and think about how traumatic it must have been for him losing his dad? And that poor woman struggled to get him where he is today. It's not like she's going to be dragging your matrimonial home with you, as long as she isn't bad to you I do not see where the problem is. If you're not comfy with it, you can go your way.

Abeg jor! When my dad died, my mum didn't latch to my brothers like a leech. It is not all mums and sons that act like Siamese twins. Both can be close but not to the point of posing a threat to other loved ones like the wife.
That is exactly how a lot of mums tend to manipulate their sons and toss them around like toys.

OP be ready to be the second wife. I like a man that is his own man. Not one that needs to nurse from his mum everytime.

tosyne2much:
I beg to disagree with the emboldened because I know of a man who still beats his wife of about 60 years (a grandmother for that matter oooo), so forget it.

I want you to know that a misogynist will always remain a misogynist and not even child bearing will change him. Misogynists dont retire, only government workers do

The insults will even multiply when he keeps taking her responsibility

Very true. My friend's husband abused her verbally before they got married. After marriage, it graduated to physical abuse. To the extent that he beat her weeks after she gave birth and also hit her mum that tried to wade in.
No matter what a woman does,nagging,rudeness,etc...you don't have an excuse to beat her. You married the nag and rude woman so manage your situation.

segzy0i:
as much as I hate woman battering what the man do was very wrong but our woman too should be wise to give to the man when needed if he has allow the man to have his way under 20 mins he should be through and if she condition her mind she might not even ejaculate and she will be free to attend to her conference now that she has been battered will she be able to go to the conference 10-20 mins of sex will not ruin her conference some men are wild when it comes to sex so understand and study your partner well

On NL, itmust turn out to be the fault of the woman. A responsible man wont think that way. There is a place for consideration in marriage. I can't imagine my husband acting that crazy. There are other days and besides i can make up for it. But acting like it is now or never is not the way to go.

Most men that make this chauvinistic comments are not even married and dont understand how a marriage is run.

vargasvictory:
The truth is learning never stops, here are 9 words you might have been pronouncing incorrectly


1. MACHETE

Since Agriculture is heavily practised, you would have heard about the Machete. Actually the correct pronunciation is /Ma-She-Te/


2. ASK

It's a word widely used for answers to questions and it's often said inappropriately. The correct pronunciation is /A:s/ without a K sound.


3. DEBT

This is one of the most commonly mispronounced words in the list. The right pronunciation is /Det/ the B in the word is actually silent


4. LIBRARY

You hear people say, 'let me visit the lib-ry'. It's correctly pronounced as /Li-bre-e/


5. GALA

A popular snack, who doesn't like Gala? It's a little shame we speak it incorrectly, the right pronunciation is /Gay-luh/


6. MEME

This one is very popular amongst the nairalanders, who doesn't like a little banter picture to express more? It's actually pronounced /Meeem/


7. ASTHMA

A health condition, suffered widely in many countries. It's pronounced /AzMah/


8. MARIJUANA

It's a name often used for cannabis. The right pronunciation is /Mar-Uh-Wah-Nuh/


9. ENGINEER

A specialist in engineering, one of the top fields in the world. The correct pronunciation is /En-juh-near/

If you missed the previous thread https://www.nairaland.com/3848586/7-common-english-phrases-youre

cc: lalasticlala

No 2 is wrong. Ask is pronounced with the k. It is only silent in "asked"

Deeypeey:
Haven't I warned u severally to think before u make ur opinions known?

He hasn't taken his meds

Nice write up. The part that got me though was the caught partner apologizing. The apology might be because he or she was caught. It would be more believable if the cheating partner confessed on his or her own.

tuscani:
b Your response further proves that you are not married, what I meant is different completely from your response. just agree that you are not married okay !

Hahahahaha

If only she knew this will get to NL and she knew what that sacred word means to nairaland guys, she won't have mentioned that word "broke".

She has touched the tail of the lion and the word "bi!tch" will be flying around.

ANLBG....Association of NairaLand....

But seriously, they should not waste their time. Why bother when they can't afford her lifestyle?
You know she's a slay queen and is probably funded by rich men.Some guys just like to try themselves. Cut your cloth according to your fabric and stop ojukokoro.

dasparrow:
So what will you have us do now? If she had not given birth you Nigerians will be quick to label her barren. Now she has given birth, you complain you are not getting enough sex. This is why I don't envy married women. Their varginas never rest, constant traffic, prick in, human baby out until the vargina slacks by the time she gets into her mid-forties and then you Nigerian men will begin to chase after twenty-something year old ladies with tight varginas after slacking your wife's vargina.

We are not complaining. Dont complain for us. When you marry, withhold sex all you want. Who said it's only the man that craves for sex anyway? Get your facts straight before you put every married woman in the same bucket.

tuscani:
It is obvious that you are not married

Dont be so sure. I still go to dance salsa, swim,plenty tins. Your marriage is what you make it. If you want it traditional and just official, no problem. But if you are a forever young at heart kind of person that puts that extra effort, that is even better

adwem2003:
Did they man tell you he was paid through bank? Hw many smart kidnappers use bank.

Be smart, be like evans

Exactly! ! It will be easily traceable. Once you know the account name and details especially with this bvn, it will be a giveaway. I doubt these kind of kidnappers will ne that careless.

Foxie:
Thanks a lot. Like I said over there, we're getting a new apartment by next month although he'd still maintain the one his currently living till after the wedding. So his guests and friends won't be a problem and also his family lives in town too so they may not need to put up in his house and for the gifts, they can be kept in any of our parent's till we get back.

Your mind is obviously made up. Why do you need our contribution?

Too many woman haters on NL. So much that it has twisted their objective reasoning.

Me i don't talk too much. My husband cannot just keep quiet in a situation like that but if he does keep quiet about it, it might take days, weeks or months...but he will definitely come back to address the issue without as much as a word from me.

If you have already started and he starts crying, you can finish up. How long does a quickie last.
It's not a crime for the baby to cry(as long as it is not for tooo long). He is stretching his vocal cords and exercising his lungs. You dont pick them up immediately they cry everytime especially if the have eaten, their diaper is clean,etc.
Maybe you should not do it where he is also...in the sitting room;etc...in case he is actually withch hunting lol.

dingbang:
please .. Because she is earning 250k and supporting her own family, we won't hear word again.. Women will always want theirs to be heard. If na d man now dey provide, we won't say anything.. Abi are they not her children? Now you tell me.. What can 70k do? How much is school fees per child...

Tomorrow he will open his mouth and say he is the head of the family. He should be respected. Meanwhile he cannot even cater for his family. If he has to be chooking eye in his wife's salary and slacking on his responsibilities, has failed as a father,husband,man and human being.
And yes women want theirs to be heard. Appreciate them when you should and stop trying to look for a way to.pull them down everytime. Because you want to form solidarity with your fellow man, you discredit, push aside,downplay what she has done. If it is your precious sister,the story will change.

darlenese:
what does this generation of ladies know? all they do is bend leg on instagram and call themselves slayqueen , they carry big gadget here and there and, wear expensive wigs on their brainless skull msheeeew

the painful thing about them is that they think getting married is an escape route from their poverty and lazy ass. they have nothing to bring to the family table other than demanding for money for fake hair, fake eyes, nails, lashes and even fake ass.

I have a serious problem with this generation of girls. at 300L I already had my business plan in place.i hate dumbass girls that make men see us as liabilities.

Where do u guys find this kind of ladies. You should stop searching on instagram and Facebook for girlfriends/wives. So many smar girls around and you keep meeting dumb ones. There's a problem somewhere

Very interesting

dollarcoolcat:
It came late actually buh thnkGod for monday

But it only affects lag state govt workers. Banks and other companies will still work.

PaperLace:
Nairaland guys will always try to shift goal post, the issue isn't that he earns less but he's reckless financially!!! Nobody will tolerate that kind of spouse, be you a man or a woman. A male Nairalander once complained of his reckless wife, I can remember the kinda advice you all gave him.

You people should be objective, it doesn't kill. OP, some of the first page commenters have said it all, don't allow anyone make you feel guilty, you're trying.

Draw a budget of how much you want the family to survive on, remove luxury. If you die of stress, that man will still survive. He has been surviving before you came along. I am sure you're going the extra miles for your kids and he knows it. Tailor your expenses to what you both can afford if you weren't earning 250k. Nne, I am sorry to say, you seem like a married spinster.

Who said men don't complain when they're the sole earner?

The kind of comments feom men here makes me wonder how they were raised. Many parents have done a bad job in this orientation these men have.
I just wonder how you guys are in your homes.
Thank God for the rare husbands that are selfless and respect women. There are probably 2 in every 100 men. I am blessed

alexialin:
What's the big deal to greet first ?

Op,u really have time sha.

Where I stay and where I work , some of the people there have issues with who greets first. Me I don't have time jare . I quickly greet hi good morning , as am walking away .Even if the person is way younger and even not my class . I still greet to avoid frictions and bad belle . Cos tmrw ,I may need them for something important .

Even my landlord as he is ? Greets first and bounces off to his car....no time mehn. He hates waiting for who wil greet first when he has other important things to attend to.

So op,try and chill that mentality of yours .Greeting anyone first will not kill u. Neither will u become poor afterwards .

Best advice. But sometimes it gets annoying when the other person never ever deems it fit to try and greet first

solomon4samuel:
Most of the time,one of my favourite male friend always say to me that a girl can never keep one guy. He said that every girl needs three types of guys
1)A talkatiue:a guy who makes her laugh and always feel happy and tell her much about how she looks.
2)A spender:a guy who takes her outing when ever she needs it and spend enough money on her and satisfy almost her financial needs.
3)A horse power raider:a guy that gives her the mind blowing sex. Is this true?

How many ladies did your friend date before reaching that conclusion?

And he could be using a particular set of girls to judge the others probably the slay queens,air heads,etc.

There are so many ladies that keep one guy. But some guys keep falling for the same type of ladies. What u see is what u get

solomon4samuel:
maybe you are free of the assume accusation but it dosn't mean that it's not true.

But your write up already generalized it to every lady

RadicallyBlunt:
So what is your point now. That the man shd start doing chores? Just say it in plain words...that after they courted for adequate time before marriage and they both agree to go into the marriage knowing the risk such a high income difference could pose, they can now exchange duties, while d wife takes her position as d head of the home because she's paying bills, the hubby is to switch to wife post and do d chores.

If you want your thought justified just ask God to remove your womb and put it in ur husband then give you a penniis so that it will be clear that womanhood is a burden than a privilege.

Instead of advising a troubled op, you're debating between a man and a woman in marriage. Did she mention chores to you? The issue is finances here.

Owning a peniis doesn't make a man. It takes great responsibility. Beyond money issue, his weight should be felt as a father,husband and caretaker. His attitude towards the family will make him go out of his way to make his family happy. Marriage is not a power tussle, not mine at least.

It is meant to be two people making life easier for each other. When you love someone genuinely,you are not thinking about whether you are the man/woman of the house,god/disciple or whatever. There is no master or servant. You are a team. You work together towards a goal and help each other achieve their dreams.

Giving just 15%of his salary is totally irresponsible and selfish.There is no need sugar coating or twisting it. I know what responsibility from a husband is. This man is far from it

darlenese:
I have a friend who believed she should enjoy her marriage for two years before thinking about kids, she got married 2010 and went for family planning, after two years she removed the coil, and since then, she has been trying to conceive, I hate to say I warned her, but she is the oversabi type of girl that feel she knows everything, it's been 7 yrs now and we are still praying but guess what? the hubby's family is taking advantage of the situation and giving her hell.


my advice, allow things to happen naturally, some people dnt get pregnant immediately after marriage but they want the world to believe it's what they want , people like this will misguide u.

I got pregnant a month after my marriage and it's been awesome . dnt create any window for enemies to step into your home.

I will not advise such drastic measures like family planning. My hubby and I did natural methods.

JeffreyJamez:
MAJOR RED FLAG!!!!

Dude....run!

Big red flag. The woman has no right whatsoever. Stop picking her calls often. Stop relating so much with her. Take a stand and maintain it. She is OUT OF LINE

I believe the reason they say couples should wait is so that they can bond properly before the kids come. There are are some things you might not be able to do again when they come because they take a lot of attention. Plus financial planning for them also.

My colleague would say "run around the house naked now and enjoy yourself b4 kids start coming"

dingbang:
how can 70k salary pay fees. Don't get me pissed with you

Get pissed with me? Why? And if you do, what will happen?

Anyway, school fees is not paid monthly. If he keeps a small amount aside monthly, it can augment what the wife pays. How much is light and water bill? Less than 10k. What does he use the remaining money for? For himself.
If he knew 70k is not enough to pay fees and rent, pls why did he get married and have kids? Pls be objective for once. Separate your ego from your reasoning.

In some marriages, the salary difference will not be a problem when the man is responsible. I believe that your husband is laid back and has so much faith in your salary. If he were to do the right thing, the woman will not feel the pressure.
But apparently, he is spending on frivolities and living above his means expecting you to shoulder most of the responsibilities. How much is light and water bill? In my area in Lagos, that is less than 10k. He is not pulling his weight.
A lot of guys here will always somehow bring it back and make you feel like you are not trying. Please ignore them.
A man is the head of the family. He should not leave that responsibility to the woman even if he is earning less. There are many ways he can make up for it like helping around the house and making life easier for her and also giving a bulk of his salary not peanuts. Being helpful with logistics and some things that she might not have time to do readily.She will respect him more that way. But most of these men are egocentric and have this empty pride even if they have nothing. It cannot help the marriage. The two people have to work together in such a way that a third party will not even know who earns more.
Poster be patient and then talk to him about sharing expenses more reasonably. If that doesn't work, you might need to take more drastic steps. Think!! I dont like to tell other married couples what to do when it comes to their marriage. God be with your family

dingbang:
Biko please what can 70k salary achieve in this Nigeria... You are not a supportive wife...

Did you read the part that she said she pays kids school fees,rent and most expenses? Whst other support please?