₦airaland Forum

ADEMALAIKA2:
Good evening all.

I just opened this thread to seek for opinion of what have been bothering my mind .

No1 .I have a baby mama staying with me for the past 6 years .We have been together for long and we live peacefully but on some occasions ,she gets on my nerve and I am the type that forgive easily couple with the fact that I love her .We ain't married yet because anytime she offends me ,it really hurt me and I keep punishing her by extending when we are going to make the coexistence official .I have a boy who is close to 3 years .

I am working as a salary earner but not getting enough pay as salary .Today ,I went to her shop .I needed #8,000 to be sent to her account to make some online payment because my ATM was not with me. I have the money as cash and my wife was to help me pay the money into her account so that I can use her card (Note that i call her wife and i do that anywhere even on social media ).My wife supposed to go to the next POS shop to pay the money into her account but she paid in #5,000 .She actually have money in her account to balance up my #8,000 but what surprised me is that when I tried to check how much she paid into her account ,I discovered a man (igbo by name ) sent #4,000 to her of recent and she still have the money in her account .I mentioned igbo because our families are not even related to igbo tribe .When I tried to hold to her phone very well ,she started dragging the phone with me .With this ,I know something was not right I just kept quiet Even till now ,I did not say anything (very unusual of me ).I later went out .I just came in now about to sleep.I rejected her dinner just now. .

No2.

I noticed for over three months now ,she have been so expert in kissing .Things we were not good at before but I didnt even raise an eyebrow about that though till now .I thought she learnt that through telemundo or whatever .I work in lagos and we live in lagos .Though sometimes,I may decide to spend 2 or 3 days at work but most times I come home everyday .

My point is that my landlord gave me 3-month quit notice and I am planning to relocate before April ending .I am thinking of not taking her along .My son is on holiday with my wife mother .I hope I will not be making a grievous mistake packing my things and leaving her behind to go back to her parent house .Anytime she offends me ,I feel so hurt and betrayed .This is someone I am owing a lot of people some money because I needed to get a shop for her and all my salary since I know her have always been spent on her and my son.Sometimes ,I send money to her relatives though I have stopped that anyway.

I plan to leave her behind and keep sending to her to take care of my son.I plan to only pick some essential items in the mini flat we presently leave .

I only want to start afresh.

Men that keep ladies in their houses without wedding them, you have mind o. And you have kept her for 6years, no way forward. God should just keep her alive for your sake as she's in your house. Because if anything happens to her, that's when you will know all her family members very well, both extended and nuclear.

jetroolowole:
sure thing. Celebrities are joining for cheap publicity.

I believe it's just for fun...nothing serious.

Whether they join or not, they will still send that babe money. Then now come online and be shouting Stingy Men Association.

Chisaedhor:
Really don't know the section to post this.

My 3 year old son loves cartoon especially PJ Mask so much to the extend he could watch it from 7pm to 3a.m in the morning

If you take him to the bed room he won't sleep, he cries and if not this cartoon no body watches any other program anymore.

He use to be very very intelligent before now, its seem this PJ Mask has entered his head.

Please help me, how can I stop him or distract him from this??

Children need a routine..and it is the routine you create for them that they fall into. You gave your son the allowance to watch cartoons nonstop without regulating it.

I have a 3yr old too. No matter what she's watching, once it's bedtime, every other thing is suspended. She has a time to bath and go to bed. It has git to the point that if I don't bath her at that time, she starts reminding me because her body is already used to it.

It might ot be too late to create a routine for him. You are the one in charge, not him.

If you decide to go on, just know that it will be hard for you to trust her. And whenever you are away, you will always have it at the back of your mind that she might be with someone else.

robosky02:
Come where you dey since�

How? I have been here sometimes

Romanoff:
Not so many are blessed to have what we have.

I'm just thankful I didn't miss it.

I am more than thankful. Too many scary stories out there

apatheticme:
Lol at the bolded!

It's a phase I believe they'll outgrow! It is well!

Definitely

ebuka10box:
u guys are the cause na ,if I tell u say I be graduate and I dey find work but I no get money ... u go gree? or if I tell u say I be cleaner for market square, u no go delete my number?

Guys on this forum like to play the blame game. Blame everything on the girl. Many graduates without work have girlfriends. You are probably chyking those flashy ones that want bone straight.

brexit:
I have not doubted most news in this platform but this story is not true, one may ask me why.


Hauwa the wife is a moslem and their religion and culture do not forbid polygamy so why would she want to seek divorce, the man may decide to marry more than 10 no qualms


Second the blogger was unable to put Hauwas picture to justify all that was written

Polygamy means that he's marrying another woman with the knowledge of his wife, not sneaking around and sleeping around with an already married woman and causing paternity fraud. That is an integrity issue.

SweetCunt97:
Cos when dem born you dem put someone as a thorn in ur flesh wey u gats die for. Abegi, no one is worth such sacrifice apart from the children I carried in my womb.

Pure example of what I am talking about

phazotron:
If you like, keep cheating. Na your body go Tell you

If you like keep being foolish, one day you will rediscover your brain.

luminouz:
I was enjoying ya comment till you mentioned "fair share of his wealth" and I was like WTF!!! This ain't America sis. She would get some child support and maybe a house for the kids,nothing more.

For infidelity, you don't know what you are talking about. Except she doesn't plan to get a good lawyer. The guy might decide to settle out of court to avoid the court process

cococandy:
they will still attack her for daring to leave.

They have already started on this forum.

Leshurr:
.. as she should.

Although in most cases like this, the man will still come out on top as there will always be a plethora of money grabbing babes willing to overlook a man's terrible vices all because of money ( FFK is a great example).
At the sight of this news, somebody somewhere is busy planning on how to become the newest Mrs Nuru

Moyo ruined a man and now her life is ruined. Mrs Nuru is about to walk away with her fair share of his wealth.
While..
Adam Nuru will get remarried in the next 3 years.
Such is life.

And the women? Don't be shocked if Moyo gets married soon (Sumbo, 2baba's ex is an example) You think the wife is losing. Many suitors, money grabbing and sincere ones will line up for her. No gender is beyond second and third chances

I don't know why your gender on this forum always think it's only the man that gets to come out on top. You guys tell yourselves that to feel superior.

Kriss216:
Stay away from Nigerian girls!

Meanwhile you are currently dating or toasting one

chinchonglee:
I don't believe this girl at all!
How did u end up in his house

She found herself there.

Because people are not ready to put in the commitment. People just want to enjoy their lives and not kill themselves for another person. No sacrifice, no selflessness, no unity....just me me me.

People are already entering marriage with the optiin of divorce at the backnof their minds. So any little thing, they run

apatheticme:
Exactly!

Infact, in one of my posts here I mentioned I was married with kids, there was a particular guy who kept insisting I wasn't married!

According to him no married woman was expected to be able to comment in a certain manner as regards a certain topic. He kept insisting his mother (not me) was an expired evening newspaper! I was genuinely dumbfounded!

It just goes to show that a lot of them have very ugly mindset, think very highly of themselves and have very low expectations of the girl child/woman!

One wonders what cave these crude set of males crawled out from! These days, I just ignore their bitter controversies and move on. After all, life online is different from reality! As long as I'm living my life the way I want, my sister, anybody can die on top my matter online if he so wishes!

You are right about life online vs reality. It only happens on Nairaland. In my whole relations at work, church, school, gatherings, etc, I have not heard guys speak in the manner thst these guys speak to ladies here. I have never come across Redpillers, MGTOWin real life. They only have mouth on Nairaland.

So when one guy starts running his mouth, I don't take him too seriously. We are dealing with their alter ego and fantasies...what they can't actually do in real life.

apatheticme:
Tnk you!

However, this age of social media wokeness, people make a lot of noise about the breaking ones and keep quiet or ignore completely news about homes waxing stronger! Some even term the man simp for staying with a woman for years!

Generally bad news trends and travels faster than good news. May God help this generation!

If you even try to point out that there are good ones, they don't want to believe it...in fact their brains just shut down completely to that possibility. They prefer to believe the worst and expect every marriage to be what their minds have made it to be.

Gamesmart:
I definitely have not only the gift but also the blessing of looking at things from all sides and angles, that is why I had to challenge your notion that someone is not whole or complete without being in a partnership or someone is not strong if they engage in divorce.



They are strong and successful men that got divorce. End of!

Stop saying only weak people divorce.

That is a lame way to challenge people to support and promote marriage.



There are 45 year olds that feel happy to be married.

There are many 45 year olds that are happily unmarried.

There are many 45 year olds that are in miserable marriages.

There are many 45 year olds that are divorced and regret ever wasting their years engaging in marriage.

Try and look at it from multiple angles. Not just the "I must promote marriage" angle.



I am old enough and sensible enough to have seen what marriage is, how it works and the normal outcomes for me to know it DOES NOT WORK!

It has mostly failed in all parts of the world!!! Very few are "successful".

You can blame all kinds of reasons for why marriage fail, but the best way to conclude if you are objective is that the model of the institution is not a fit for human beings. Don't force square pegs in round holes and then blame the shape of the pegs that don't fit.

So you agree that there are people that are married that are happy. Case closed then.

Don't misquote me fornyour pleasure. I didn't say only weak people divorce. There are other factors thst makes a marriage not work.

When you are old enough to know how marriage works, it will be evident. Right now is just an outsider view that holds no weight.

Romanoff:
That's what I'm saying. If you have that same friendship with a woman, there's already love in that friendship. It is not the kind of love that makes you want to shag them, else you'd be shagging all your friends, male and female.

It's attraction that makes you have sexual feelings for someone and that should come after friendship.

I was friends with my husband for two years, in those two years, he had two other women he dated, I was trying to fix a dead relationship that wasn't fixable till we decided to give ourselves a try. Remember we were already friends.

We dated for three months and in those three months, the attraction and chemistry was wild, so wild I was wondering where it came from. That attraction and chemistry is still very much alive.

Friendship builds a foundation for your marriage. It isn't that enough to enter a relationship just cause you're attracted to someone, that foundation is shaky as hell.

Be their friend first.

I can totally relate. It makes it so much more easier. I was friends with my husband since we were teenagers without any strings. When we decided to date which was awkward at first, we dated only three months before he proposed.

The fact that you can be free, discuss anything, be the first person you want to share news with, makes it so natural. Friendship is key.

Gamesmart:
Please don't place a bet on me joining the institution.



Many successful businessmen don't have partners. They are whole and complete on their own. Anywhere they lack, they hire temporary contractors, not get a partner.



When a venture is unworkable and is treated like an "entity", it fails.

NEPA fails.

Nigerian Government fails.

Nigeria Premier League fails.

The bolded ending just shows the typical desperate and illogical ways [mostly] women love to promote marriage. This is done not because they have some secret knowledge, argument or evidence that marriage works or how it will work, but instead because they see marriage as a vehicle of tackling their insecurities and their fear of being alone.

I stated it here:

https://www.nairaland.com/6298872/ever-regretted-being-married-partner/10#96794209

Marriage is for strong people? ..........................Total nonsense.

So Mandela is not strong mentally and emotionally? Dangote is not strong? Fidel Castro is not strong? Napoleon Bonaparte is not strong? Na the miserably married people wey stay for marriage and sing at your church that are strong?

You are just using such nonsense statements to hide your fears and insecurities while striving to promote marriage for your benefit at all cost.

And many successful businessmen have partners too. You don't have the gift of looking from both sides. You just pick a side an fire on.

There are other factors that cause a marriage to breakdown (i initially put it at the end of my comment but I modified and removed it). So that covers your Castro, Mandela, Dangote, etc. What made Madiba and Winnie part ways? Besides, do you know if these people you mentioned were emotionally mature for marriage? You don't!

I don't need to bet on you getting married. When you are 45 and still unmarried, we can revisit the matter. It is convenient for you to be in your 20s (my guess) and speak about what you don't even understand.

Trying to change your mindset about marriage is like trying to change your upbringing. Your perception about marriage is based on your own personal view or what you have experienced from people around you. It doesn't mirror all marriages in the world. If you don't know that, then you are not as intelligent as you think.

Gamesmart:
If one is mature, mentally-sound, intellectually and emotionally-independent, they will not engage in marriage in the first place.

Most people that marry are not intellectually or emotionally-independent. They are scared of/worried about being alone or want to follow a tradition because they feel that is society's expectations by a certain age; irrespective of knowing the high failure rates of what they are engaging in.

The marriage institution has a high failure and unhappiness rate. It is a relic of an old and different time; during which it was still a failure anyway.

After all this your "most people that marry are not intellectually or emotionally-independent", you will still get married. And then you will realize that all you wrote there is just a product of lack of understanding of the institution of marriage.

In fact, to have a good marriage, both have to be whole and complete on their own and not dependent on the other for their emotions or intellect. Do people become partners in a business because they are weak or because they want to share ideas and collaborate for better results?

Marriage doesn't fail, people do. Afterall, it is people who make up the marriage. You can't expect someone with a faulty upbringing, distorted mindset/mentality to have a good marriage. It's not magic, neither is it rocket science. Marriage is for strong people. If you are weak mentally, emotionally, you will either struggle or opt out.

Omihanifa:
I think you allowed your wife to see you finish

How can you be escorting her to go and pee and also escort her back when she's done peeing
Which kind love be that one

As regards the things she said to you via SMS and verbal exchange. All I can say is that you have a snake over your roof.

There are some men like that...it is not mumu. It is just their nature to go out of their way to make the one they love happy. Such people, once you take that love for granted, it can take forever to have that special treatment again.

Marriage is not for children or for the selfish. If all you think about is yourself, please stay on your lane and don't frustrate another human being in the name of marriage

If you are a mummy's boy/girl, please mature first before ever thinking of getting married. Don't enter and start expecting mummy to tell you when to kn.....k.

If you think marriage is about the physical attributes, don't be deceived. Knowing how to twerk, lap dance or do the leg work is not enough .

Just be ready mentally before you enter it to avoid "marriage is scam" write ups.

Romanoff:
This marriage matter.

A lot of people build their marriage on the wrong foundation.

Money, sex, looks, loneliness, desperation and some other mundane reasons.

The best foundation to build a marriage is on friendship and that's why you'll hear marriage counsellors say "marry your friend".

Take away sex from most relationships there will be nothing left, you'll discover the sex isn't even enough to keep it going. Sex that should be the icing on the cake has become the entire cake.

Money that should add spice to the marriage has become the entire food. He must have money, he must have a good car, she must be working and earning her own money etc. Once the money is not there anymore, water done pass garri.

Don't get me started on the Looks part, you'll marry because she has big bumbum and boobs, or because he is tall dark or fair and handsome with a six inch rod. A time will come that all these things won't do it for you anymore.

Marry your friend. That person that comes to your mind when you want to have deep discussions about your dreams, your bad day, your plans, your failures. That person that you will forget about time and keep talking with cause conversation and laughter and joys and tears just comes real.

That is what brings intimacy. The attraction, sex, money, looks all those ones na jara.

My opinion o. So before you mention me and insult me, take note of the fact that it's my opinion, make Thunder no fire you this morning.

Seriously, you captured it all.

It is easy for someone to come and trash talk marriage because one person he knows divorced. He doesn't know any details like "why did they get married " "was it on the right foundation ", "Did they try to make the marriage work?"

How about the marriages that are working, do they have 5 heads? Some couples are too lazy to put the work into the marriage. They act unconcerned but they expect the marriage to work itself out.

mosdii:
Nigerian Girls Are Nitwits...All Of Them

Hope yo mama is included

Klass99:
ROTFL , you're often so practical/sensible in your posts it makes me smile or laugh. I still recall your post about the date who wouldn't take a ride in your car because he didn't have a car of his own.

I remember that comment that some people were belle-aching over.

Well this comment I quoted here was unnecessary. I wonder how having two children would have been the solution to the problem. I guess the person didn't know what to comment.

Bornu1stSon:
Having one child is very risky. You would have tried and have two. Being a single mother is not bad so far as u can train them.

Back to topic, Ghana is more like Owerri, grooving all the way, yahoo, sporadic sexing that may give him std. Tell him to go to Gabon instead, that country is a low key nice country

Someone is asking for help concerning her son and you are giving a lecture on how having 1 child is risky and that she should have tried to have two. What do you know about her situation?

Suddenly, Moyo Thomas mirrors Nigerian wives.

Redpillers have seen food, thanks to her. Everywhere you turn now, accusations and stupid unintelligent generalizations and conclusions.

So you just sat down and wasted away time on this long piece of emotions. Well done