yemmit90:


Op is a young GIRLS below 25 years?

Try to comprehence a post before you reply.

I will say it again, never judge from what anyone posted here (especially women) withiout hearing the other side of the story.

You can't read and you need to learn how to spell. Don't quote me again.

OP, I'm sorry this happened to you. If you're up for it, I would suggest the following:

1) Start no contact (NC). You block her number, her social media, delete photos/videos, block any form of communication, and any friends/acquaintances of hers ASAP. Why? This starts the whole out of sight, out of mind process. You do not want or need constant reminders of this person. It will be hard at first, it always is after a breakup. But you need to stick with it. For how long? Forever. When a dumper breaks up with a dumpee, they are essentially telling the dumpee that their life is better without the dumpee in it. Please read that last sentence again. So let dumper live with the consequences of their decision. No more contact. Not even for birthdays, not even for the holidays, not during this pandemic, not during this #EndSARS revolution. Even if by chance they contact you, you will never contact them again. Ever.

2) Start focusing on yourself. Work out. Pick up a hobby. Reconnect with friends and family. Focus on work. Everything now should be about you, improving yourself, and getting the healing process going. If you want motivation, go to the Reddit subgroup exnocontact.

Good luck.

Bellotelli:

I detest people writing more than the op

And people who have nothing to add to the topic? The worst.

yemmit90:


Dont judge from what she posted here, young girls below 25yrs are mostly stupid and lack respects.

By calling OP stupid and lacking respect, aren't you judging her and doing the very thing you told me not to do?

Uniquekriss:
your last paragraph is the reason most ladies break into marriages and do not care to become second wives cos they are out of time, OP, successful relationships take work, you don't stumble upon it, you are lucky the young man isn't faking his personality even from the start so if he's got most of the qualities you admire of a man, plz yield and stop stressing thbat dude, u also have a can of worms to unleash that he needs to put up with

First, you need to stop pushing the narrative that women are some time table. They're not. The OP is 22 so calm down.

Second, although I agree that any relationship, platonic or romantic takes work, it should not be at the expense of someone's well-being, mentally and emotionally. This man the OP is describing is already insulting her and they are not in a relationship at all. Hmm. Why is that? The man has already set the bar so low and you're asking OP to settle because time's not on her side and successful relationships take work? Really?

Third, the OP is lucky because the man showed exactly who he is. She can walk away knowing she dodged a bullet and spend her time and energy elsewhere, hopefully focusing herself and accomplishing her goals in life. OP, you have not lost anything. You have gained insight early without having to invest yourself emotionally. I cannot articulate how valuable this is.

OP, if you're still around and reading these responses, please don't listen to this poster. There are so many people in life who will make you feel like you're under some deadline or have to accept any man who does the bare minimum. You are not. Do not settle. Always know your worth.

Komu1048:



U must have watched almost all the Korean season film. Glass kor grass ni, be deceiving her

I'm just using common sense. Don't stay with people who won't treat you well, guy or girl.

Happyfela:
Yawns.

Instead of quoting me, you can better spend your time and go to a protest.

ladywealth:
Good evening my NL guys.
I just met a guy last month ending, we exchanged numbers and started chatting. He asked me out.. I really enjoyed chatting with him, just him alone. so few days after, he invited me to his house. I declined but I noticed that he stopped chatting with me.
Few days after, he asked about my genotype without even greeting me. I counter questioned him and he attacked me, claiming that he is not happy with me. i replied that 'I don't care'.
The next thing I received was rains of insults. Saying that I insulted him. I admitted and we settled it.
for the short times I've known him, I could see the kind of qualities I want in a man. But the problem he has and that he attested to is verbal abuse...
I noticed that anytime he invites me to his house and I declined, it always piss him off and he stops talking to me.
I decided not to visit him because it's not safe for me.
he argue over little things on chat, he talks to me like I'm a baby ( he is 33 and I'm 22). he is domineering... I'm just confused on the decision to date him considering all these flaws. I am suspicious of him being violent.
thanks

OP, please don't pursue this. You're not even in a relationship with him and you two are already arguing, regardless of who is right or wrong. That's red flag number one. Red flag number two is that he wants you to come to his house only after a few days of talking. That's concerning because a) you should be meeting someone you don't know well in a public place, b) he should want to meet you in a public place for a meet-up or date, or c) he just wants sex. If you just want sex, then cool. But since you've declined his first offer, I don't think that's what you're going for. The third red flag is that he insulted you. From what you said, you told him, "I don't care." Is that an insult? To me, it's not because you did not criticize his person or his family. (Remember, critique the action, not the person). Could your response have been said in a better way? Maybe but you were straightforward. If he's willing to do this and you two have just started talking, imagine what could happen if you were dating or in a serious relationship.

He's just trying to test your limits to see how much B.S. he can get away with and how much B.S. you can tolerate. At 22, you're an adult but you're also much younger than him and he's seeing if he can take advantage of your possible lack of experience in dating. The fact that you're on NL may indicate to me you're still interested in him despite these red flags because if you weren't, I know you would've not continued talking with him.

I think you should really let this man go. It just sounds like wahala. You're young and there will be so many other men. When a man likes you and wants to spend time with you, you won't have to question it, you won't be on NL asking for advice from strangers. He will treat you like royalty and handle you like glass. You will never have to second-guess his feelings for you or his motives. Good luck.

nigeriansamurai:


Im not against marriage sir but your points won't convince someone who is

I wasn't trying to convince you or anyone. You asked what do men stand to gain from marriage, I answered, and you didn't agree with my list. As I said before, it's no one's job to convince you and I would not waste my time doing such. You either convince yourself or you don't.

nigeriansamurai:


Honestly you still haven't made a point your only making marriage sound like a duty
sha ill like you to continue with the list...

Wow. That's your takeaway? No wahala. Continue thinking whatever you want to. No one can convince you except yourself.

1) Children (if they choose to have children) who bare their last name, who come from their village/town/state.
2) The opportunity to be emotionally vulnerable with a significant other. Men are taught from a very young age that displaying emotion is wrong, unsightly, and unmanly when in fact conveying emotion is just a human thing. Being with a woman, who is not usually looked down upon for displaying emotion, gives some men the chance to express themselves emotionally without being judged.
3) Usually, the responsibility of childrearing does not fall on husbands/fathers but wives/mothers. A number of people believe a man's responsibility toward his children is just providing money for clothing, food, and housing. Men are not to participate beyond those basic needs so some men would see that as a benefit.
4) Men who are unfaithful in their marriages are more accepted in Nigerian society than the other way. (Note: please don't take this point as me saying women don't cheat. That's not what I said).
5) Wife usually bears the husband's last name while sacrificing her own.
6) You're seen as more responsible and family-oriented

OP, I could go on and list more and you can either accept them or not. At the end of the day, seeing the benefit of marriage depends on your mindset. If you view it negatively, then nothing can disuade you from mentality. If you view marriage from positive standpoint, then you'll focus more on the positive aspects of it.

VICTOR4LYF:

Humans have invented and used machines (as far back as 1960) that withstand the pressure in the deepest part of the ocean.

Here enlighten yourself.
Enjoy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LKXvdyNz6L8


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VHEbdotlcFo


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PaErPyEnDvk
Sources for this particular video
https://sites.google.com/view/sources-deep-sea/

Condescending. If it were that simple, how come there is so much about the ocean's depths we don't know? Animals we're still discovering to this day?

BleedTears:


Maybe you have not watched Nat Geo Wide

Maybe you can shut the fùck up.

CAPSLOCKED:


SUCH A SILLY POST BY YOU. IF MEN START TO SHOOT AS DISRESPECTFUL AS THAT WOMAN WHAT DO YOU THINK IT'LL LOOK LIKE?
RAPE AND MURDER.

THIS WOMAN IS CLUELESS, AND SHOULD NOT EVEN BE REGARDED.


MARTINEZ39

Stop typing in all caps. You look like a idiot when you do so.

OP, I was with you until I read that post about mermaids lol.

The reason humans haven't been able to explore the ocean the way we have land is simply because we don't the instruments to do so. We haven't created equipment that can withstand the pressure of the ocean once you go deep enough. I'm sure it would interesting if we could.

What city do you live in? You can be better advised about what activities your city has to offer if you tell us.

iLegendd:


So, telling men not to sleep with all women is manipulation? You're smarter than I thought.

Alright. All the best and happy weekend.

That's not what I said. Reading is fundamental. And going by the "stories" you like to parade on this site about your conquests, playing mind tricks on women to get in their pants is all you have to offer. Nonsense.

TheGoodJoe:


Thank you.

As I said earlier. It was not like this before. We were very transparent with each other. Never found lapses for years until recently. It is also reoccurring.

I know more comes in marriages but I want to reduce the possibility of tying the knot with someone I will not agree with her attitude in the near future.

I am still very transparent with her but she is not. That is where our problem lie.

Then you should approach her about it and get a reason why. I would advise you not to approach her in accusatory manner. Instead of saying, "You did xyz. You're not doing abc. You're wrong because of 123," say to her instead, "Sade, when we're not completely transparent with each other, I feel xyz. Can we talk about why this is happening?"

You see how the second statement is neutral and addressing the heart of the matter without necessarily pointing fingers? Hopefully, by talking together, you can come up with a mutually agreeable solution.

Ya'll are frustrated, aren't you? You complain about always having to approach women. A woman decides to shoot her shot and approach a guy. Now all of you must bash her? Confused and frustrated lot.

This is why men and women should have options and rotations so you don't open threads like this. If he or she start forming, just move on to the next person in your rotation. (NOTE: this mentality is strictly for open dating, not serious relationships).

OP, the fact that you were willing to end a relationship of over a year over this, in my opinion, minor issue, demonstrates to me that you may not be ready for the bigger problems that relationships and marriages bring. All these other people who are telling you that you need to be in control or you handed your balls or to her or that you need to manipulate her by making her jealous are leading down a dangerous path. Relationships, everyone of them, are about compromise and finding a mutually agreeable solution. If someone feels the need to have another person submit to them in any capacity, there is something very wrong.

The fact that you're on NL means you're having second thoughts. If you want to, seek out your ex, tell her you overreacted (because in all honesty, you did) and apologize for that overreaction. Then just talk it out in a mature, calm fashion. Maybe she needs to know why (do you have legit reason why?) you want her to inform you of where she goes. If it's a two way street, promise her you'll always do the same. If neither of you can come to an agreement, then part ways amicably.

iLegendd:


When I see comments like this, I cry. Most men are backward in anything relationship.

Let me tell you something: the difference between billionaires and suffer-naires is the the word "dare."

Billionaires dare, but suffer-naires don't dare. They are afraid of everything. They are afraid to succeed, they are afraid fail.

Billionaires are not afraid to succeed and at the same time are not afraid to fail.

If you can succeed with women, marriage, or dating, you can succeed in any business. Seeing my post as unattainable (a lie) is just the same way as seeing a unique business idea as unattainable or a lie.

A confident man will tell you giving a speech in public is so fun and can't wait to do it again, but a nervous man will shout, "God forbid! I rather die than give a speech in front of thousands or millions of people."

I hope you see the picture.

My guy, I don't need some lesson from some random on the internet who trying to sell a product about manipulating women. You don't know me and so don't come here trying to tell me the difference between a person who is a billionaire and a person is who isn't. You're just putting your assumptions on me.

Such lies. You honestly want us to believe you spanked a woman's ass days after you met her? Haba.

eni4real:
Different analogy..

It really isn't.

eni4real:
He is frustrated, man

I'm frustrated with Nigeria. Do you see me blaming only Buhari for the state of the country?

burggerx:
I never said I'm blameless. I have my own flaws too but certainly not rudeness, pomposity, arrogance or disrespecting her family during heated arguments

My point is that the way you phrased your original post made it seem like you had done nothing wrong, that everything was your girlfriend's fault and you've only been trying to "correct" her but, you know, feminism got in the way of all that.

Regardless of the circumstances, you two don't seem compatible for each other. Moreover, I'm always suspect of a person who feels more than comfortable framing their partner as the perpetrator and themselves as the victim. OP, I highly doubt you're 100% blameless in this. Even the terminology you use toward your girlfriend is suspect.

Amakavula:
She looks older, might have gotten him hooked on sex and pregnant.

Of course, that's it. Because boys are hapless fools who can only think with their dīcks and not their head. And girls, being the seducers they are, always know how to trap them because girls are sexually manipulative. Do you hear yourself? Do you see how stupid your statement is?

SBL28:
If you are in a serious relationship, nothing is to much for your partner that you claim to love, just use your brain.

This mentality is never a two way street. One usually provides more than the other and that lack of balance always leads to resentment.

tpiar:


Omg, nlers are so annoying, not just referring to the topic.

This topic is months and months old. Why are you responding? Haba.

Newguyhere:
gbam! you just said it.
And the funny thing is even those women claiming 25 are in most cases lying about their age. All of them are old cargos, it's only make up and push up bras nah im dey hide the sorry state of their body

This is why the women said what they said. It's people like you who feel comfortable describing women as old cargo and trying to hide the state of their body. Clap for yourself.

This demonstrates that most men only view women (those he is not related to) in two ways: a person who is of use to him and/or a person he is sexually attracted to. If you don't fall into either category, he'll disappear.