BernieLee:

She also had a side, so we cancelled each other in the cheating aspect. she just couldnt handle the aftermath.

It doesn't cancel anything out. You were both cheating. As in, why do some people even bother going into relationships if they're going to behave like this? Smh.

BernieLee:
The clown took off my pictures on her facebook(and they were many).
Well, i went the extra mile. Yanked off her pics too, blocked her family members and friends and upgraded my side chic to full status. All in 24hrs, babe choke con dey beg but i wasnt swayed. Was actualy good ridance.
Lepssons learnt:
1. Kee p your relationship off social media.
2. Avoid girls with a temper/short fuse.
3. If you no be strong man, avoid Edo girls like a plague.
4. resist every attempt to turn you into a simp.
5. For your sanity, run far from a toxic relationship.

You forgot one: stop cheating.

obailala:
Well, i wouldn't monitor or stalk anyone; I would only apply a little bit of wisdom in my daily activities. E.g. I wouldnt encourage a situation where my friend or even brother goes over to stay with my wife alone in the house repeatedly or for extended periods. If that's what you refer to as 'monitoring my significant other as a child', then oh yes, I will... Not that I dont trust my wife's discipline, or my brother's discipline, but rather because I'm wise enough to know that discipline alone isn't sufficient to prevent certain regretable mishaps. Believing in the strength of your discipline is usually the mother of all f**kups.

Please stop responding to me. I don't care what you have to say.

obailala:

Okay its fine - feel free to not play your part in helping your significant other avoid temptations. It's solely their responsibility, not yours.

Of course. And feel free to monitor your significant other like a child because they can't possibly avoid temptation by themselves.

obailala:
Oh yes, it's the OP's responsibility to keep his D in his pants, and also avoid placing himself in any tempting scenario. But it's also the fiancee's responsibility to do [[/b]whatever she can to keep her man away from temptation (this responsibility goes both ways in a flipped situation so there's no stereotype here).

The summary of the point I tried to make was that the fiancee trusted her man just too much and the OP ignorantly trusted his 'self discipline' too much; trusting oneself to be sufficiently disciplined is usually the beginning of all f**kups.

This is where we're going to have disagree. No woman (or man) should be minding their significant other like a child. If that person cannot avoid temptation on their own, it speaks volumes about their disposition and character. Plus, your assessment doesn't work for people who are in long-distance relationships.

Crystalom3:
I guess I may have to try this and see.

My problem with this kind of advice will be like she's doin it against her will once I advice her and she heed.

If neither of you feels comfortable, then it may be to time call it quits or take a break and reassess. But at least speak with her and see what she has to say and how she reacts. Good luck.

OP, have you been as specific with her about your dissatisfaction as you have been as specific with us? Don't be shy about this. Saying that she's not satisfying you is not enough. You need to say in plain English that X, Y, and Z are what you need from her. Sexual incompatibility is real. Second, you want her to go down on you but have you ever gone down on her? If you haven't, that might be part of the reason why she doesn't won't perform MouthAction on you. Communication is key. Talk to her.

Do you hear yourself? You are contemplating suggesting to your wife to have a party with you and her sister? And you've already stated that you wouldn't like it if this situation were the other way around, yet it's still on your mind. OP, there's a big difference between a random girl and your sister-in-law. The lack of empathy is just astonishing. You know what to do, you just don't want to do it.

obailala:
No need for all these long holier than thou blames. The truth is simple, if you place two mature adults of the opposite sex in close proximity for long enough, as long as the person isnt gay, pant must drop! This has nothing to do with discipline cos no human (not even you) has that discipline; No amount of discipline can stop this one, that kind of discipline just doesnt exist.

The mistake the Op made was permitting the wife's younger sister to be at his place all the time; the wife also made a gravely naive mistake of permitting her sister to be that close to her husband.

In this situation, I wouldnt advise the OP to tell his wife cos the damage would be too emotionally disastrous and outright heartless, especially since the person involved is her sister. What has happened has happened; life has to continue, what happens in Vegas, should stay and die in Vegas! The best the OP can do is never to ever ever ever let it happen again and the ONLY WAY to achieve this is by consciously staying far far far away from the wife's sister; there should never be a time when both of them should be alone within the same apartment.

It's not holier than thou. It's just simple facts. The OP had options at his disposal that he didn't utilize. Your second point goes back to a long-standing stereotype that it's the woman's job to ensure that her husband/boyfriend is not tempted by other women. The OP is a grown man and if he's willing to get married, then he needs to learn to keep his dîck in his pants and be faithful. This is all on the OP because he never told his fiancee that the younger sister was frequenting his place as often as she was. In fact, the sister had started to lie about her own whereabouts and the OP never stopped her. There will always be temptation but people in committed relationships need to avoid the temptation. The OP should've avoided temptation at all costs. Do not put his shortcomings on the fiancee.

You should be giving your advice to me the OP. You don't need to quote me to do that.

PERVENCHE:
*NOTE
With all due respect, I have changed names and some too familiar details about myself out of respect for my wife to be. I know she likes to catch cruise on nairaland.

My name is Friday (of course not my real name) I am from the middle-belt. So please save your tribalism with all those una Igbo, Yoruba and Hausa insults. I met Grace(my wife to be) few years ago. It was love at 1st sight. She was everything and is still everything I had hoped a woman should be. There is this crass about her that makes her effortlessly better than any lady around her. My type in the true sense of the word. Tall, busty, curvy, sassy, elegant, personable and above all, she has a graceful soul. From the 1st date to this day, I still pinch my self like.. What in God's green earth is a beauty like her doing with a shrek like me.

But then, true perfection is always a utopia. Grace in all her graceful demeanour and aura, has a flaw; Indecision! More so, blind trust seems to be her albatross. (I swear she can even take Lai Muhammad's word to the bank) Though, I still love her; flaws and all. Her complete or should I say blind trust for me and Abigail became one of the reasons Abigail(her younger sister) has become an unending chapter in our relationship. Even though the blame of what happened squarely falls on me.

Abigail just shy off 20, is too savvy for her age. Not the outright outstanding beauty like my Grace. What ever little she lacks in beauty, she more than makes up for it in her mentality. For she is truly a smart and an intelligent girl. Just five years younger than Grace. One who expect them at least to be close and be like Asaba and Onisha but then...they are the direct opposite of each other. While Grace is the introverted shy person, Abigail is quite the extrovert and likes to make friends for Africa. It is only fair to believe their formative time in secondary school played a part in their output towards life. Grace likes to conform like most day school students. Abigail on the other hand, is the boarding school nightmare all parents hope not to experience: the deviant.

Through the 1st years we dated, Abigail was in secondary school and was never in the picture. For some odd or strange reason, Grace was not ready to fully commit. Not that I blame her or something. At 23, Most girls her age are like Alice in wonderland; they crush on celebrities and Chase childhood dreams and fantasies. The vile ones, if truth be told...tend to live out their hoė phase. At 28, I was already grounded to know what I wanted and it was Grace and marriage. Sometimes, you do all you can do but then life has a way of throwing in a curveball. More over, "No be say because I wan chop egg I go begin dey worship chicken." Sensing her shakara, I pulled the hand brakes on us and walked out of the relationship.

***2 years later***
Fortunately or unfortunately after letting go, Grace became incensed and started to want me back. I hardly do any social media at this point. Pride won't let her call me, so there was no way to send coded messages on whatsapp status to me. Being the introvert that she is and the all trusting graceful Grace, she started to send Abigil over to my place to bridge the gap. In just over two years, Abigail had changed and developed into a sexy hippie bohemian. Not that I fancy her in any erotic way or something. It's just that in our contemporary naija society where mostly everyone conforms, it is hard not to notice a bohemian.

Knowing I would do no better than Grace even with a million dollars and in a hundred years of searching, I mended fences with Grace and our relationship became stronger than ever. Over time, Abigail became a bridge between us. At first, Grace would send her over to run errands for her. After a while, it became a second nature for her to come over and fidget with my electronics. Courtesy demands you be nice to your in-laws to be and so I was nice to Abigail.

Abigail's posturing over time made it difficult for me to say no to her especially during them Nengi and Laycon days in the house. She was a fan of big brother lockdown. And would always ask for my keys to watch the silly show for she was equally as silly to be gushing over that vanity fair. Grace seems not have any issues with her coming over and I also did not for I was hardly home and God knows the sub was kinda wasting away.

There are some things in life that are not planned. They just happen! My boss at work then tested positive for Covid and we were all asked to quarantine at home. Grace still had to go to work while Abigail was always free because of the ASSU strike. Suddenly, I started to be alone with Abigail. She would come over "for big brother" around 9am and leave around 7pm in time to beat her curfew at home. It was awkward staying all day with Abigail. Grace too predictable, only comes over on Sunday. For some strange reasons, on Sundays, Abigail will never show up.

There were times, and I am sure it could just be my imagination, that she enjoyed teasing me. She would come dressed like a sister Mary Amaka from home but after a while, she would take her bath and transform into a Kardashian. Wearing skimpy cloths and heavy make-up. I tried to give her her space. I was in quarantine and therefore, had practically no where to go. I am basically the type that don't flock with co-workers and I hardly keep any friends except for Grace. I am not one to be neighbourly with my neighbours so I was stuck with Abigail all day. Humans are social animals and we tend to gravitate towards each other especially when we are alone with someone. Gradually, she won me over and I started to watch the big brother show with her. While she was rooting for Nengi after her Erica left, I was simply for Neo for he had my height. And the bond between us grew. God knows I had no vile motives and evil intentions. It is hard not to enjoy Abigail's company for she is a smart, gleeful and witty girl. While I do all the talking with Grace, Abigail on the other hand does all the talking with me and it was a welcome change.

*** D Day ***
It became obvious Abigail was not telling the truth at home. She would pick their calls and tell them she was in her female friend's house. And in the spirit of our new found big brother bond. We kept the secret. On this faithful day, it had rained all day and Nepa had struck and the plug in my generator was no good. The rain had brought with it a cool breeze and some magical thunder. Seemingly, we could not watch our show so I took a blanket because of the cold and buried my attention on my PC (laptop) re-watching season 5 of the game of thrones.

Naively, Abigail joined me and entered the blanket with me. I use the word 'naive' because I honestly do not want to qualify her as a minx. And I know she does not see me as a Justine Bieber of a crystal ball for her to be drooling at. While in that warm blanket watching the movies in such compromising position, One thing led to another and alot of that one thing opened up her Pandora's box and I... I ate the most forbidden fruit there ever was. There is no telling how wonderful making love to her was at the heat of the moment and there's no shame in the world that equates to the shame that immediately dwell and still dwells in my soul shortly after even to this day. There's a lot to blame our mistake and betrayal on. Could it just be the moment? the weather? the chemistry? the devil? (laughs) my opportunistic habit? Her feminine warmth in such close proximity? my placing a hand on her thigh and meeting no resistance? My foggy mind and grown erection? Her racing and panting heart? Her feisty zeal and deviant nature? My libido? Hers? My morals? Buhari? Herdsmen? IPOB? Sunday Igbahor? Dstv and big brother? NEPA? Game of thrones? Was she after all really a minx? In all fairness, she is just a little naive girl that does not deserve to be pilloried for my betrayal. As the adult, I should have known better and acted a lot better.

Climbing down from our lustful climax, we both knew immediately what we had done, the gravity and the implications it could have on not just us, but grace and the whole family. In the most contrite way possible, we apologized to ourselves and vowed never to repeat it again. We felt it would be better not to tell Grace or anyone and we agreed Abigail would stop coming over. I started to avoid Abigail at all cost. I did not just release cum after my despicable act with Abigail, I released every thing good in me and every form of happiness. I felt much less of a man and wished I had died as a child or better still was aborted.

I hardly could face Grace after. The more I try to ghost her, the more she held on tightly. It became awkward visiting their family house for I was not comfortable around them trusting and accepting me. Not for the fear that they would find out...just my conscience eating me up. I stayed away and made peace with my gross mistake. For over six to seven months. I did my penance and nothing happened with Abigail. I know I am in a better place now to make sane decisions about cheating. To give something back to Grace, I have vowed never to sleep with anyone till die. We know how cheating amongst married men is common these days. I no call Adekule Gold name oh!

Me and Grace are set to marry on the 17th of this April. The thing is...Abigail is her chief bridesmaid and preparation demands I see her most times. She still has a look in her eyes...dunno what to make of it. A look of blackmail? Of you could still hit it if you want? We have unfinished business kinda look? You should be paying a bride price for two look? I die inside every time I see Grace happy she again got us back to talking terms because of the wedding. Ignorance is truly bliss.

I have doubts going through with this wedding. Folks may laugh and say I chickened out because of the inflation and money, others might blame Grace. It may ruin Grace for ever. How do I do this knowing Abigail will always be family?

OP, you should let Grace go honestly. Things like this just don't happen. You wrote a whole novel explaining the lead-up to how you slept with your fiancee's sister. And the excuses you come up with to try and rationalize it, haba. OP, you had options:

1) Go to a friend's house
2) Ask Abigail to leave your house
3) Tell Abigail you're not home
4) Don't answer the door
5) Tell Grace to kindly ask her sister not to visit as often
6) You didn't need to share a blanket with her
7) You didn't need to put your hand on her thigh

You wanted it to happen. You wanted to sleep with Abigail ever since you noticed her body had developed. You had so many choices and you chose this path. If you're going to take responsibility, at least own it properly.

The point of being in a relationship and/or marriage is that you make the active choice of forsaking others for the person you have chosen. You avoid compromising situations like this. OP, you even said that you can't do any better than Grace and you still put what you have with her at risk. And what's worse, you are trying to blame her by saying she's too trusting. For goodness' sake, Abigail is Grace's sister, her flesh and blood. Who else in this life is she supposed to trust?

You're not providing any benefit to Grace but not telling her. You're just trying to protect yourself from the fallout and the cheating you committed. Someone who was willing to leave his then-girlfriend because she was allegedly doing shakara but you're forcing her to stay with you after you fûcked her sister. Nonsense.

Lostchild:


1) I am not a Nigerian by personality that is why I find Nigeria culture and women very strange

2) Too many dick on a woman is very bad even though I will accept it as part of life. I just cannot trust my heart and re-ally on someone that is capable to change.

3) I just don't fit into Nigeria society, that is why I find it hard to merge with a typical Nigeria woman.

4) I must say that You are very right in your words

I keep laughing

1) You are Nigerian by birth. So that makes you Nigerian, OP. You're just not like the average/typical Nigerian.
2)Why does it bother you so much if a woman has had many sexual partners? You keep saying it's bad but don't specify why you think it is.
3) I get it. Nigerian society and culture can, at times, be very homogenous and if you are an outlier, then it may seem hard to fit in. But you need to create a space for yourself within the society/culture. The whole culture should not be thrown away in your thoughts and actions. You are Nigerian and you can't deny it so just find a space for yourself. Hence, going back to my original post about working on yourself instead of seeking a relationship.

Darkprime:
Two months ago (on valentine's day to be exact), I broke up with my girlfriend of four years. We started dating in 2017, then she and her family moved to Ghana a year later and it became a long distance thingy. We kept in contact for a very long time up until 2020 during the COVID-19 lockdown period.

Then I noticed she started becoming more bored and distracted anytime I called her, and I was always the one to initiate contacts. She later confessed that she found a new guy in Ghana. Things led to a boiling point in February and we called it off. As I was in severe pains, I unfriended/blocked her all over social media, blacklisted her numbers and removed everything that reminded me of her. I remember she blamed it on us being very far apart and also claiming that I stopped "giving her vibes".

Just yesterday, I was browsing through my Facebook when I saw that she sent me a friend request. I'm struggling to come up with reasons as to why she must have done this. I am yet to respond to the request as I type this. What could have motivated her to send a random friend request?

OP, what does "stopped giving vibes" even mean? Serious question.

Anyway, don't respond. Continue to block her on all social media accounts and focus on yourself. The problem with us human beings is that after a while, we start to take things and people for granted that we're used to having easily available to us. Obviously, the long-distance didn't help but one must always remember what brought them to their significant other and choose that love/relationship every day. It's only when we lose it do we realize the true value of something that or someone who is now absent. Maybe the thing she had with the other guy didn't work out, maybe she seeks the comfort of the familiar (you). Regardless, don't entertain her. She squandered her chance with you and the consequence of her actions should be losing the privilege of having you in her life.

Concentrate on work, get hobbies, reconnect with friends, work on your side hustle. Just get busy and be the best version of yourself. You need to re-learn how to find happiness and contentment in being on your own. Happiness is the best revenge (money helps too, though lol). And if you happen to run into her again, she will see what she lost, especially if you seem at peace with yourself and her. Moving on is more for your benefit than hers. Good luck.

Lostchild:
My married and single brothers of Nairaland.

I was wondering if I should share this on romance or family section.
What I am about to write here may look weird but I just want to see your opinion over my insanity. Even my own mother marvell at me sometimes and she keep wondering what type of person she gave birth to.

About me
I am a chronic introvert and everyday I need alone time to stay healthy.

I am lover of peace and I can only dwell in a place where there is peace and harmony. I just can't underatand why people quarrel and fight. I prefare dialogue and to do what is right and just.

I am financially OK

I am old enough to get married but I have too many problem with my personality that is preventing me from falling in love with any woman to get married.

I have dated pretty and hot ladies, but I always see that Nigeria women cannot handle me.

I feel so depressed as I strongly feel that I have a caucasian soul in a black man body, and I feel so alone and completely LOST.

MY PROBLEM No (1)
I need a woman with a complete western mindset.
I need a woman who will watch foreign movies with me.
I need a woman who love western music, rock, acoustic, country music and pop songs.
I love nature - and I like to expand my horizon but most Nigeria women dont even know what nature Is.

PROBLEM No (2)
All the beautiful ladies and girls I see all around me, they are just too Nigerian/traditional

I cannot stand a woman that listen and dance over Nigeria music because Nigeria music are crazy, the music irritate me and always makes me feel so depressed.

I cannot stand a woman that watch Nigeria movies because I feel very depressed over Nigeria movies.

I cannot stand a woman that watches zee world as India culture is more crazy with idolatry than Nigeria.

I cannot stand a woman that always speak her native tongue. Anytime I see and find a lady/girl attractive, immediately I noticed she always speak her native language apart from English. I will instantly loss interest in her because I see Nigeria language as the number one evil in Nigeria soil and I dont want this evil language to be transfer into the life of my unborn children.

MY PROBLEM No (3)
I cannot trust today's women that has fvck too many dick

I see marriage/wedding ceremoney as useless.

I see that the love a women confess to a men are fake. They have confess love to their previous boyfriend in the past yet they cheat

I have seen too many people divorce in marriage

I have seen genuine men of God even divorce and their wives became the devil in their life.

Me and all my childhood friends, our parent all went through bitter divorce.

MY PLAN.
I am planning to do baby mama plus. I mean, no wedding/marriage ceremony, no marriage certificate

I am planning baby mama plus because I just can't trust a woman and marriage.

I have this mindset that if I do baby mama plus, if she troubles me so much I can easily flee and left the house for her just to save my peace as I cannot stand conflict and arrogance in a woman.

If she start cheating, I can easily move out of the conjugal relationship and still take care of our children.

My western personality is really tomenting me with depression.

Guys; Am I insane?
Brothers; Am I being selfish?

What do you think?

Your opinion is highly welcome.

EDIT.
I was born in warri and I cannot speak any native language apart from english. I even hate all the Nigeria languages

It is not a sin for a person like me to desire to find someone like myself, a compatible lover, a friend. For me a long lasting relationship is all about mutual compatibility.

If i can even find a lady with half of my personality in her, I will even thank God, but I have not not met any for years.

There is more harmony when birds of the same feather fly together. And I must say that all the comment I received here are just making me laugh and I keep laughing

OP, you're not insane but you definitely hate yourself. How can you not stand women, Nigerian women who are just as Nigerian as you are, when they speak their native tongue, when they want Nigerian movies, when they act too "traditional," whatever that means. Moreover, you tie a woman's value as a person to how many people she has slept with. That's another problem. Why does it matter? What is the benefit of you knowing how many people she has been with? OP, you need to work on yourself. If you are this distrustful of women--and have an apparent aversion to Nigerian culture--then you don't need to be in a relationship or be seeking someone who is compatible with you.

She doesn't love you. This situation can apply to anyone. If a guy or girl hesitates to or doesn't answer this question, then they don't love you. Move on or stay. Your choice.

Skullano:
Get busy bro.

This. You need to go focus on your job, get a new hobby, focus on your friends, focus on extracurriculars to take your mind off what you're girlfriend is doing. When couples give each other that space to concentrate on their own things, when they come back together or meet up, they appreciate the time they have together even more. No one likes a significant other whose entire focus is on what their partner is doing. It makes him or her look clingy, unattractive, and boring. Good luck.

nurain150:
I respect their privacy that why I won't post our whatsapp message.I have this sister more of a sister all she keeps saying is lol,smile I be like wtf.The other ones are just boring.
modified:
it not about relationships as most people are saying am talking about normal conversation a day to day convo

I'm curious. How does the conversation go? Do you ask questions that will lead to more in-depth conversation? I'm not just talking about, "How was your night?" and "Have you eaten?" In my experience, this a problem is something both men and women experience.

If this is true, she's an awful, terrible person. It has nothing to do with her womanhood.

It's just like a fat man who wants a fit woman. Or an ugly woman who wants a handsome man. People need to understand their levels and adjust accordingly.

NwaAmaikpe:




As a typical nwafor proper that I am...I decided not to let my ancestors down by begging a woman to marry me.

It worked because my own wife proposed to me.
The hanty found out she was pregnant and began begging me to marry her to help save face.
If you see the way she begged me, you'd know that a desperate lady is shameless.

But as a nwafor who swore that no daughter of Jezebel will use pregnancy to trap me into marriage, I refused.
When she saw I was not forthcoming, I don't know what she did with that pregnancy but it somehow vanished and that was when I went and paid her brideprice.

Till this day, I still have the bragging rights. So when I misbehave and she wants to talk, I simply remind her that she was the one who begged me to marry her.

Yes, because that's what life is about: having bragging rights over your wife. Well done. Clap for yourself.

Mikester:


I never said "child".
Nevertheless, what is your own definition of equality in the home? Mind sharing?

You said daughter, and a daughter is a child, regardless of age, to a parent. To me, it is weird to view your wife in such a manner. As to your question, there is no such thing as equality in a marriage. It's simply not possible or advisable to view marriage in such a way. I do believe in equity though.

brownsugardr:
We are in our mid thirties.Work in Oil Sector . Enlightened.
My friend is very conservative and old fashioned. But as life no balance. He has a very beautiful wife.Who was a model,and has so many Model friends in their twenties. He came to complain to me that, his wife, is bisexual(sexually attracted to both males and females).

For some reason, my friend's wife is afraid of doing anything outside of marriage. Instead, she suggested her husband has a 'three way' with any of her friends.

After telling me,my first reaction was that she was testing him. He said no, that she actually brought home a friend she made to start kissing him in presence of the wife.

Instead, he ran out because it was a taboo to do anything outside of marriage.
I was like dude, every married man would kill to be in your position right now.
After talking with me briefly, he realized he was about missing a lifetime opportunity.

Since then, he has enjoyed three Way with two of her wife's friends.

The table turned three days ago, when the wife met a guy she really liked. Collected his phone number and suggested to her husband they invite the guy for a three way.
When my friend refused, all hell broke loose. The wife has been furious.

He has been complaining to me that he doesn't know what to do.
Thats why I am seeking the opinion of my fellow 'nairalanders'. What would you do in this kind of situation?

Right there is where you led your friend astray. You persuaded your friend to see it as an opportunity because two women were involved. You never considered what would happen once the wife suggested a man for a party, even after she admitted she was bisexual. OP, your friend has opened pandora's box (with your assistance) and he had better be ready to face the consequences.

Disgusting.

Mikester:


Thanks Sir but you're saying women should be equal to their husbands in the home?

You and I may have different definitions of what equal means. Regardless, a couple should do what works for them and their marriage, whether it be a more traditional marriage or a more modern one. Traditional marriage or modern marriage, it's weird and condescending to be looking at or treating your wife, who is an adult, as a child.

Agreed with mostly everything until I got to number 14. Just like men don't want to be treated like children by their wives, wives do not want to be treated like children by their husbands. We as a people really need to step away from this fixation with having wives "who look up" to their husbands or husbands needing to "correct" wives when they make mistakes. The language is off-putting and it's weird infantilization.

Gang90:

You have many unfinished story since 2010 on nairaland but na for my matter you wan carry shine lass lass, first of all are you male, female or intersex, did they later break your virginity, or you still be virgin since 2010, lol your life is like the story of 2pac lol, stop being miserable, I was not the one that made them not to call as they should, or perhaps you are ugly or what on serious note, go and finish your teenage fantasy story, I guess by now you are in your late twenties or thirties, lol, strange fellow, are you still unmarried, don't even look my way genderless someone.

The only things you have are assumptions about me. You're the one who's put his entire whole life story on NL for a bunch of strangers to read. It's clear I hit a nerve because the only things you have to say are baseless insults.

Neweramify:
Greetings

Please I need your advice

I've dated this guy for 7 years now, asked him his intention for the relationship and here is his response.

Am I asking for too much?
Please am I overreacting?
Does it worth breaking up?

If I'm your sister, what will be your advice to me?


Please help cause I'm losing my mine

OP, I read the first exchange but not the next one. You need to move on. The only reasons you have not done so are because of your feelings for him and the seven years you invested in the relationship. If a man wanted to move forward with you, he would've done so already. Period. My advice? Stop talking to him. In fact, don't even announce it. Just stop sending messages right now. If he reaches out, don't respond. Just even block him. I'm very serious.

Focus on yourself. Get into hobbies, reconnect with friends and family, focus on your job. Just start becoming the best version of yourself without ever considering reaching out to this man. This distance is for your benefit, not his, because, going forward, you need to relearn how to live your life without him in it. He's already shown you through his speech and conduct that he doesn't want you. He's even gone so far as to blame you when you ask him about the state of your relationship. He's even goading you to be the one to end it.

I know it's going to be difficult but you need to do this. There are so many other people you could be meeting right now who will know your worth and show their love. Good luck.

OP, what was his response? I don't see anything written out in your original post.

Do I really need to take it into consideration or overlook?
I observe my girl friend is very stingy and selfish. I really don't need anything from her, I foot our bills from A - Z, I give her between 1500 to 5k as tfare, meanwhile the actual tfare from my place to hers is just 200 to and fro.

Ok the problem is some weeks ago she was at my place for some days, the 2nd day in the morning I realized my toothpaste has finished, having it in mind that I'm gonna buy another one on my way back later in the day, unfortunately I forgot to buy it despite buying stuff at the supermarket. But God so good as I was blaming myself for forgetting to buy it, she told me she has toothpaste in her bag so we used her toothpaste that morning. I kept forgetting to buy this toothpaste for the next 3 days, I had to cut the tube with knife so I can have something to brush my teeth but my girlfriend was quietly using her toothpaste alone and she will return it into her bag, she saw me tearing the tube but didnt occur to her to surrender her toothpaste until i bought mine the 5th day.

I really didn't count it initially but I have noticed other things and it's taking my mind back to the incidence. My girlfriend has never used her money to buy me a sachet of pure water or cheapest orange or whatever.

Another funny thing is when we are eating, sometimes she accused me of eating from her meat or taking from her drinks when i didn't even touch it. Imagine always trying to lay claim to 3 pieces out of 4.

Do I need to pay attention to some of the little details or overlook all because of love or am I overreacting?

NB : she's presently unemployed but never lack support from her parents and myself.

OP, have you tried communicating with her about what you're observing? If not, don't go into the conversation accusing her of anything. What will happen is that she'll get immediately defensive and lock up. Human beings are like that. Instead of accusing her, you could say to her:

"Babe, when I ran out of toothpaste the other day, it made me feel bad because I thought we could share yours until I got a replacement. I've always imagined in my ideal relationship with a woman, we would share all things. Dear, can you explain to me, from your perspective, what happened the other day with the toothpaste?" Notice how I didn't accuse her, notice how I focused on your feelings about the situation, notice that there is not 'you did X' or 'you're wrong because of Y anywhere in my example.

I know some people on here are going to scoff at my advice or call you a simp if you try it, but you need to understand that you and your girl are the only two people in this relationship. How you choose to handle yourselves is up to you and no one else.

The aforementioned will, hopefully, disarm her and she can give you an honest response. But if she responds with defensiveness, anger, or blame-shifting, that is a red flag and you should proceed with caution. A relationship cannot last if each time one wants to communicate an issue with their partner, the partner is quick to anger and be defensive. Good luck.

[quote author=gozzlin post=99229339][/quote]

He's an actor. Sometimes, actors have to change their appearance for a role. Haven't you seen people who gain and lose weight? Shaving off a beard is nothing.

gozzlin:



You're a woman, right?

Aren't you?

OP, I read the rest of your threads, all the other ones you've created since 2019. It seems like you've been residing at your brother's house for quite some time. From your other threads, I've learned that you either can't cook or you don't want to do serious cooking because you survived on noodles and tea during one Christmas holiday when your brother and his family weren't around. Moreover, your sister-in-law seems to do a majority of the cooking based on another thread you started.

You seem to be awkward and hesitant with women because you wonder why your older, married brothers seem to get women's numbers easily and you can't, you had a crush on an older woman and assumed that your sister-in-law told this older woman not to waste her time with you because you were 25 at the time, and you tried to have sex with a woman you picked up from a Christmas party but ultimately put a stop to it because you didn't want to have unprotected sex.

You seem to also have a lot of anger toward your sister-in-law. You won't even call her 'sister-in-law,' just 'my brother's wife,' even though she and your brother have welcomed you into their home and she cooks most of the meals. This dislike and lack of respect are even exacerbated by your fixation on your sister-in-law and your brother having sex in your bed and the soiled sheets. I bolded part of that sentence because it was both your bother and your sister-in-law who participated in the sex, but you seem to have reserved all your anger, disgust, and insults for your sister-in-law. Let me say that again: it was your brother and your sister-in-law that had sex in your bed. Not just your sister-in-law.

I'm not going to offer advice because, after 22 pages of responses, it seems quite pointless. But your dynamic with women, in general, is just weird and off-putting.