₦airaland Forum

Romangalactic:
Can you love a man unconditionally?

PS, and you're on another thread posting daily motivational bible study yet you don't know how to talk. Una dey even learn anything at all from una bible?

I initially thought her comment contradicted her daily bible postings as you erroneously implied. But after a second reading of her post, I discovered it was just a mere harsh comment that villifies people she thought have "stupid" opinions about the original post, which she attributes as a result of their "dysfunctional" backgrounds.

She might be wrong in holding that assertion, because she has no statistical evidence to corroborate her viewpoint. Nevertheless, you are also in the wrong for trying to tie up two unrelated events and use one aspect as a weapon to cut her down to size. Her comments do not taint/damage her daily biblical postings.

It is almost never an easy ride for anyone who tends to go into interethnic relationship. Ethnic stereotpes and prejudices run deep in Nigeria. If the parents of the lady do not oppose, your parents might be the opposition, giving raft of reasons why the union is ill-fated.

Since you have decided to marry her, just stick to your guns and show them in clear terms why she is the best. It might seems difficult in the beginning, but if you persist, their resistance will collapse and you will have your way.

It doesn't aid your case to designate your parents in such unpalatable term. If anything and no matter how you view it, they are fighting for your interest.

It is precisely because women approach marriage with a lot of emotional investments that overwhelm that of men. That is why it is the woman that weds the man. So, in societies such as ours that place high value on marriage and the proper age for a woman to get married, many of them tend to conceal their characters, only to unleash it after being married. To escape societal stigmatisation, they provide a facade and fictitious personality that is only unravel in marriage. That is why a lot of men get surprised when their "religious" wife whom they met in the church becomes a monster poised to devour them.

There is another factor responsible for women's change of behaviour in marriage. A lot of women see their youthful periods as a season of unlimited experiment, presenting themselves to enjoy all that life has to offer in an unrestrained manner. When they get married, apart from attitudinal change, they become less unenthusiastic about life generally, and hardly takes care of their body the way they do when unmarried. So, marriage comes as a retirement package and which person still gets active even in retirement?

Most Nigerians erroneously believe that anyone who is fortunate to find himself or herself in tertiary institution is automatically "educated." This is completely false and shows the artificialness of our society as a former colonial territory and a cardinal member of the third world countries. We have made it to look like tertiary degree, and not basic education, is what is needed by anyone to function properly and become productive members of the society. Secondary school education is called "Basic Education" for a reason.

But marriage is a different ball game, and a lot people approach it with to-do- list. There is nothing wrong in insisting on marrying someone with tertiary degree or education, even though it is not credible judge of character. It doesn't mean that someone without it is uneducated, it is just that they didn't attend tertiary institution.

Even though I admire couples in interethnic and interreligious marriage, it is not something I am willing to experiment. As a man with strong cultural predilection and roots, I wouldn't be pleased and happy to see my children being disconnected from their culture as a result of their mother's ethnic origin. It is not for nothing that there is a biblical injunction/tradition that enjoins people to marry with the confines of their ethnic and religious provenance. More so, to avoid issues that may arise from ethnic and religious misconceptions, it is always good to marry within your ethnic and religious fold.

But that does not and cannot in any way diminish the significance of interethnic and religious marriages. A person might be fulfilled and happy when he/she marries outside his ethnic and religious environment, and another might have to endure a bad and unhappy marriage with someone he/she shares cultural and religious similarities. But the idea of marrying within your ethnic and religious environment can also engender mutual understanding that would help stabilise the marriage, since there would be less areas of misunderstanding.

What is more, humans are the most unpredictable of all creatures that ever exist. And when it comes to marriage, even if he/she hails from your ethnic and religious provenance or not, it is not a guarantee they would turn out good. Nevertheless, Mrblessed would stick with someone with similar cultural traits.

Just replace "permission" with "inform" and your post will appear plausible. Even at that, people differ, so do marriages. When couples have joint account, it is necessary to always "inform" her to avoid suspicions and misunderstandings. But when there is no joint account, and the attitude to the parents of her husband is less desirable, then not telling her is the most sensible thing to do. In fact, not informing her it is a wise way to help maintain peace at home and not let the woman turn the house into a battleground.

Haba! Why the disparity between the title and its content? I am overwhelmed with anger because the Op "clibaited" me to quickly open the thread and do my usual "battle." Why would any mortal expect me to die in her stead when I am not Jesus the Saviour? Anyway, humans are known to be impulsive animals, and one of the things that are capable of doing is to sacrifice themselves for another human. Fair enough. But, in my opinion, the receiver of this "sacrifice" has to be eligible, and not because nature made her my wife.

The only condition in which I would beat a woman is when she hits me first. Self-preservation is the first law of nature. Any lady who becomes aggressive and hits a man, has given him the invitation to devour her. To paraphrase former British Prime Minister Winston Churchhill, "Let us jaw-jaw than beat-beat."

The revalence of "banning" an erring member who flouts the rule (s) that governs this forum can never be overemphasized. This "correcting tool" gives a veneer of respectiblity and restraints the usage of certain foul languages and irresponsible conducts. Nevertheless, any discerning mind knows that nairaland, lately, has been hijacked by a gang of ladies whose sole currency were their ability to influence some of the mods and make them a puppet. Therefore, it is not surprising that since they have these mods at their beck-and-call, they tend to use them as canon fodders and make them fight their petty battles, thereby compromising the credibility of this forum.

I hold this view because I think some of these mods might be unaware of the impact of their loss of control to their persons, the owner, the forum, and its members. A situation where people are arbitrarily banned for some puerile and laughable reasons, detracts from the prestige of this forum and the owner needs to step up and demand accountability because the world is watching what happens here.

I aslo wish to state categorically that, being a mod should come with some sacrifices: one of them is, not dating any lady on this forum. That way, the usage of mods as weapons of "warfare" will be greatly reduced, if not eliminated. Please return the "powers" of our mods!

mariahAngel:
Happy birthday to you Mr Blessed
Your interesting comment led me to your profile

Thank you for your kind wish to me. I think I know your main account, and you are one of the intelligent and troubleshooting ladies in this graveyard, even though it seems like you are serving a ban.

You see, today is also the birthday of former South African President, human rights activist, and philanthropist, Nelson Mandela. So, about a decade and a half, I decided to always celebrate this colossus, despite his obvious flaws and always downplay my own.

So, kindly wish Madiba a posthumous Happy Birthday.

The little-mindedness of an average Nigerian woman is on full display in your brother's house and, unfortunately, you have become the victim. To be Frank with you, your brother's wife has no respect for him, hence she is eager to maltreat you because she knows there will be no consequences to suffer. Even while I am not undermining your ordeals at the hands of that immature woman, I am more concerned about your brother's loss of authority in his own house. How come his sisters-law are having a field day in his house doing what they like, while you, his blood, is treated like a prisoner.

There is no quick fix to this problem since your brother has been thoroughly emasculated and rendered impotent. You have to make a mental note on how to treat and relate with them, banish the thought of stampeding your brother into renting a house for you, or outright leaving his house. Just wear patience as a garb, and pray that your effeminate brother will find his bearing very soon.

Why the contrived outrage and unwarranted but lame attacks about a sister's decision to wash the boxers of her brother? Some "analysts," using their warped minds as a yardstick, have already imputed meaningless tropes in what is obviously a demonstration of sibling's love. We know that many siblings can't comprehend what family affection is, they shouldn't use their experiences as a moral compass to judge what is right or wrong.

What is more, the lady sees nothing wrong in washing her brother's boxers, hence, didn't have to comply. I believe if she thinks it is inappropriate, she would have refused to wash it and nothing will happen.

This thread holds the toga of "he/she who is of no sinner should cast the first stone." Sadly, a lot of ladies can't, because they are guilty as well. Op, you have very right to be remorseful, after all, a life was ruthlessly annihilated. Feeling worried shows your heart is in the right place and endeavour to take precautionary measures to prevent you being in such ugly situation again. Kindly ignore the empty words of stone-cold murderers, whose conscience have died long time ago.

The saying that one's first year in school is a year of ignorance and naviety couldn't be more truer in my case. However, my experience wasn't embarrassing but it was very fearful and foolish. After making elaborate preparation, I was ready to write GST 101, "Use of English Language" in 2008.

Having finished writing, I walked out of the hall with joy even when I had failed to submit my answer booklet. On reaching a spot where my classmates had already gathered to share their experiences about the exam, I was alerted, to my utter discomfort, that I was clutching my answer booklet. In a fit trepidation, I dashed into the hall, panting and panicking, facing a horde of disinterested lecturers. The group young lecturers whom I had told my story couldn't believe it and asked me to kindly return to wherever I was coming from. All pleas to consider my plight since I was among the first set of students to submit fell on deaf ears.

I stood there, crying and pleading, unaware of the glare and taunts of a large group of students. All this while an old professor who was in charge of the exam was sitting and taking note of the drama in which I was the protagonist. When it was obvious to her that the lecturers won't accept my script, she intervened and demanded that I brought my answer booklet to her. After careful perusal of my script, she ordered that the script should be collected since I am a year one student and that she believed I was just stupid and naive. No lecturer raised a voice of dissent, the script was added among those that had been submitted. I later got to know that the was the dean of the faculty, and remained thankful to her for making me not lose an "A" score.

What the church knows and refuses to drum it to the ears of its members is that white wedding is unnecessary and also an instrument of control instigated by the Europeans. You might have to study the origin of white wedding and how it became common in Africa. If not for the resilient nature of some African culture, the intent was to supplant it completely with European marriage culture.

Yes, we don't need white wedding, since wedding is cultural and not religious: traditional religion is enough. Without placing the church at the centre of life in Africa, it is difficult to produce split personalities that will accept hook, line, and sinker European culture as integral part of the Christian faith. This is the reason many churches today -- doing the biddings of the colonists -- have different degrees of sanction given to members who do traditional marriage but are yet to "bless" it in the church. In the Catholic church, for example, it is a "sin" for couples who had done traditional marriage to live and procreate without "blessing" their marriage in the church.

Even though I am cocksure that this story is fake, I think it is useful to have such orderly name arrangement to avoid unnecessary drama and fight. Relationships, even marriages, have ended due to careless arrangement of names. Imagine how awkward it is to send a message meant for "Stella Jos" to "Stella Kd." Just like he saved your name with "Peace Lag," it is possible that there is Peace Abj and Peace Ph.

Pineapplelove:
It's the community and my reason is this.

As a Yoruba and a Catholic Christian, I grew up schooling and living with kids from Igbo tribe. My parent never for once spoke ill of them and they were my friends. We go to the neighborhood together, jump people's fences to pluck mangoes and cashew, and atimes we get chased by dogs.

My first encounter with tribalism was in secondary school when my teacher,an Igbo woman said, "all these Yoruba people and nonsense talk talk, in fact I wonder why that girl is friends with you." This was my first time experience that we tribalism... As a young pupil, I had been taught that there are different tribes in Nigeria but I had no idea that it could be used as an insult.

Now that I am grown, I can tell that over the years and experiences I have had, there is something fundamentally wrong with the community or if I am being specific, the Igbo relationship with other people.
It's time to kill the hate and stop preaching tribalism

Below is one of such hate on this same thread

You are not different from the person you intend to denounce. So, an ugly encounter with one Igbo teacher is enough proof for you to conclude that there is need to instigate a "fundamental change" that would improve how Igbo people relate with other ethnic groups. This is to say there is something inherently wrong about the Igbo people that make them to be targeted by other people. This comment is obviously motivated by deepseated hatred of the Igbo people, and reveals what closet ethnic supremacist you are.

Ethnicity and racism are inculcated by parents to their children -- knowingly or unknowingly. When a child is born, she or he is not conscious of differences in ethnicity, religion, or culture. It is the parents that point out these differences and guide the children on how to treat and respond to them. Even before the community gets to influence children, the parents have already stuff them up with values they believe in.

A lot of attention have been given to the dangers faced by Igbo culture and language by local and international institutions. It is only an Igbo man that takes pride in announcing to the world how disconnect he is to his culture, and expects to be respected. Some ignorant parents bar their children from learning and speaking the language because it will "diminish" their potential to be "civilised."

The tradgey is that most Igbo people who claim they cannot speak or understand the language -- especially in this graveyard -- have a poor grasp and understanding of the English language, which makes them to be "languageless." To learn a language, you don't necessarily have to be domiciled in the environment where it is mainly spoken.

This gospel is dreadfully one-sided and it is also steeped in gender bias. It says nothing about women but charges men to be self-assertive as a precondition to getting better women. This line of reasoning is wooly because there is no correlation between being self-assertive and getting good women. Due to the nature of human, people who tend to be meticulous on their choice of women, don't always achieve all that tick their boxes.

A member wondered why the end goal of assertiveness of men should be in getting women and was not given adequate answer. If a man's assertive disposition is merely to get good women then it is shortsighted and dense. It is good to encourage people to be self-assertive, however, let this positive trait be tailored towards solving societal problems, and not seeking for the gratification of women. If one becomes successful by being self-assertive, women, I mean good ones, have no choice but to follow he who has wields the palm front.

IamPlato:
RESPECT YOUR Elderly Age Or I Disgrace You Before The Elderly Women

The only person who is utterly shameless, who is eager to burnish his battered reputation, and who is equally clout chasing, is you. What mature man foams in the mouth because a lady expresses interest to befriend him? In any case, it is in the realm of possibility that the anecdote you narrated is purely the figment of your imagination.

What sane man taunts a person who has boldly and openly declared himself as an elder? You? By electing to start a war you cannot win, you might want to abide by the teaching/significance of the English maxim that says, "He who lives in glass house should not throw stone."

It is precisely because our idea of marriage has been beclouded with the western concept of marriage -- where a woman marries the man. But this is the opposite in Africa where a man marries a woman. To stretch it a bit, it shows how you, thinking you are a white man while originally black, has to propose to a lady in a "Black Lives Matter" form to affirm that she is actually the one "marrying" you.

This notion has sadly found its way to our marriage rites, even when we claim to perform traditional marriage, all what we do is to sheepishly ape what is obtainable in the west. Today, a lot of people will sneer at you and your in-laws might not forgive you if you insist on doing traditional marriage without baking a western cake.

So, we are intentional prisoners of western culture ignorantly called "civilisation" by a lot of people. And in this "civilisation," women, not men, wed/marry men.

In the far past before the beginning of European slave trade that "propertised" people, our ancestors had already introduced slavery as a vehicle of social mobility and means of settling disputes -- it was also a form of correctional measure. Although this system later became corrupted with the introduction of slave trade, and the occupation of slave raiders who attacked communities hunting for slaves emerged.

Nevertheless, slavery -- not slave trade -- was also used by the society to get rid of societal misfits and undesirable elements. Imagine what would have been done to this fellow and his likes if it were during slavery and slave trade. The internet has made easy for people to be stupid and shameless all at once.

See how past indiscretion is being ruthlessly exhumed and weaponised to taunt and tease a fellow who has obviously forgotten that event of yesteryears. Little wonder time-honoured Africa adage says, "There is nothing more precious than a good name."

I have equally learnt that, by merely reminding a person of a previous criminal infraction can make someone a "scammer." Where the heck are the world's famous dictionaries, as the word "scammer" is being redefined on this graveyard?

GboyegaD:
It still doesn't matter. When it will matter is when one chooses to name his child all English names. There are Nigerians who name their kids by another culture name sometimes because they like the meaning or how it sounds or like the people. Does that make them inferior?

I leave you with the concept of arbitariness by Shakespeare. Like he said "whats in a name, that which we call Rose, by any other name, will smell as sweet". This implies calling a Rose by other name doesnt take away its fragrance.

That you equate human identity firstly projected by name with an object or a plant, says a lot about your defence and adulation of the western world -- a world that sees you as less human. That is one of the reasons you need to bear a European name to assist you in the attempt to become full human being. Again, by your self-defeating defence, we can infer that there is no relevance to name, just bear anything you like.

I have already given you the historical, sociological, and biblical context of European and Arabic names in Africa, and why any self-aware African should not bear them or impose them on his children. What you decude to do with it is completely your business.

GboyegaD:
Does giving English names indicate looking down on native names.

Yes, it does and there is a racist undertone that undergirded the emergence of foreign names in Africa, be it Christian or Islamic. Christianity and Islam condemned almost all aspects of African culture and encouraged an adherent to look down on his culture and appreciate these foriegn, inorganic cultures. There is something called arabization in Islam, that is, the process of making a non-Arab Muslim disengage from his culture and embrace Arabic culture in the guise that it is a prerequisite to accepting Islam. Just look at northern Nigeria today and see for yourself how Islam has destroyed Hausa culture and civilization built for hundreds of thousands of centuries. The change of name or the bearing of a foreign name is one of the processes of instilling inferior complex on a person or people.

For Christianity, European clergy didn't see any relevance in African names and ignorantly declared them as "barbaric." Therefore, it was fashionable for a new adherent to jettison his African name that is steeped in meaning and philosophy, and accept an imposed name he doesn't understand and which concealed his identity and history.

There is an ongoing fraud being perpetrated in African churches today called "baptism." As a Christian I don't have problem with the sacrament of baptism since Jesus Christ, our role model, epitomised its significance by blazing the trail and giving it universal acceptance and endorsement. However, the Master didn't take a new when was baptised by John and even if he did, would He have taken a Jewish name and not a Roman or Greek name? It begs the question: why did racist Europeans impose their names as a criterion for baptism?

The readily available answer which Christian leaders, who have been assigned to supervise the promote European culture at the detriment of Africa culture will tell you, is to cite the example of Apostle Paul. But Paul wasn't the model of the Christian faith, and he didn't choose a foreign name, why treat Africans differently? Again, the claim that we need to choose a name of saint during baptism and confirmation is fraudulent, because it presupposes that Africans aren't capable of producing saints. So, just make do with a "super" but utterly meaningless European names.

Yes, when you take and bear an European or Arabic name, you undermine your culture and unintentionally participate in the promotion of a foreign culture that is unabashedly anti-Africa.

Why call it foreign name? Just call it what it is: European or Arabic name.

Macphenson:
Honestly speaking, in as much as enlightened, educated and exposed we are, we still have our traditions as Africans.

It is indeed a difficult situation you find yourself , and a tough decision to make.

But the truth is you have to face reality.
In such a situation where it is you and the community, I will advise you take the kingship, it is an honour for you to be chosen,and trust me your generations yet unborn will be proud of you.

It.is also a rare and great priviledge for you to render service to your people , and for you to also write your name in gold.

As for your wife, this is where you have a challenge. No woman wants to share her man.
Please appeal to her that ordinarily you want to be with only her, but circumstances have changed everything, also reach out to her family first, and present your case to them. That's a sign of respect and regards for them. As long as it is the dictates of the tradition, overtime they will understand but not without certain reservations and concerns.

Let them.understand that your taking another wife is absolutely circumstancial and not intentional.

Please take up this rare priviledge of serving you people.

My own personal request is this

Please place the interest of your subjects at heart while on the throne. Be a father to them. Don't be like our present day political "Ezes".

Sadly, the place (Igbo land) which he comes from has nothing to do with kingship --:organically speaking. Most people don't know that these rascals that parade themselves as kings in the Southeast and some part of the so-called South-south, only began to have constitutional backing with the Richardson constitution of 1946 that regionalised, by creating what is called House of Chiefs or "Thieves."

A look at the crises induced by selection of a king will tell you it is not part of our culture: it is something that diminishes us as a people. Let kingship die in Igbo land, we are innate REPUBLICANS.

You don't necessarily have to be rich to be happy or fulfilled. Just ensure you have the means to give yourself a modest lifestyle.

Zoie:
Their cross to carry. Condom itch her skin, abortion itch her womb. Foolish female.

What then itches her brain? Stupidity?

Really? What next? I am really enjoying this drama. I pray it won't end any time soon.

Why stand idly by watching a raging fire destroy from friend's family? Why not look for water to douse the flame and quickly put a call to fire service to intervene.

Why stand ldly by watching a raging fire? Look for water to douse the flame and quickly put a call to fire service to intervene.

I am just worried about the degree of harm you have done to the word "smart." Next time when attempting to describe your guy who has poor and inanimate communication skills, use the word "conversationalist." That is, "Help, my guy is not a good conversationalist. "