₦airaland Forum

Jeez mehn! I have laughed my intestine out. Days like these are what I love.

Let me share mine then:
A female friend i just met called and said she wanted to come over and see my new place. In less than 5 minutes after arrival, she started going through my toiletries, telling me she likes my bath soap, body spray, perfume, even my laundry soaps. Went to my wardrobe, wanted to take my Portuguese national football jersey, unfortunately for her, I am on the the huge side, so the jersey is the XL type, too big for her and I had already crested my alias at the back. I was like, "Babe, did you come to see me or you came to do your own version of Black Friday shopping?". She was trying to laugh it off but I started getting irritated.

Another one happened way back when I was in school. A dude came for clearance and said he was just going to spend 3 days, 4days max, I didn't know him but he is a friend to my roommate. The dude is quite muscular and tall with a fine face (no homo) but because he is cute, he started over doing things. If I dey do my own press up jejely the puta go dey form gym instructor dey gimme coaching lessons, he is this type of "Mr. know All" dude. The day my girl came to see me, the guy melt begin do fine boy turn up things. He started behaving like that dude the guy talked about earlier on this thread . He will take off his shirt and start doing push ups in front of her, he'd want to do 100 at once, just to show off thereby trying to kill himself. She'll be in the kitchen, he'd go with her and start raising senseless topics to discuss. Thank heavens my girl then was the straightforward type. She told him off almost immediately that she's not in the mood for small talks.
The dude almost finished our food, the day I had had enough i told him to bring forth money so we can cook better jollof rice, he asked me to bring mine and I asked him "The rice, tin tomatoes, gas and other ingredients I have here are from where?".

One day, we were all watching a movie, I was on the floor with my girl, the dude was on the bed sleeping, or pretending to be sleeping, my roomie with another dude were at another angle watching the movie as well, na so this puta just stylishly put hand on top my babe chest, trying to do some funny things while pretending to be sleeping. My girl almost slapped him right there but I held her back and called him to wake the fvck up and sleep properly. My girl said until he leaves, she ain't coming back to my place. Fortunately, her roommate travelled for about a week or more, so I just jejely took some of my stuff and went to stay with her. Some puta negroes can be funny sha. The annoying part is he didn't achieve what he came for; the lecturer holding one of his results travelled for a conference, so the guy had to spend another week or two maybe. Imagine such fuckery at its zenith

This one happened to me while I was still in the university. I took my then gf out on a date, so while we stood at the counter waiting for pay for our order, the cashier or what girl/female was just smiling sheepishly at me at every word that comes out of my mouth. My girl noticed it and just immediately injected herself into the conversation just to mark her territory.
It wasn't really weird but I felt good about what she did, I don't know why

masterP042:
Why our people like foreign things too much to the detriment of their identity is what I don't understand.

Was speaking with one the other day she called our language "vernacular". Wetin pain me pass be say even the English she no sabi, oya pidgin sef, the worse, nonsense. I don't blame them, na low esteem dey do them.

Especially all these lagos brought up, they hardly speak our language, they even prefer yoruba. Igbos are fast losing their identity.
Asusu igbo di uso, bikonu ka anyi na-akwado asusu anyi. Ndewonu.

I like this a lot. I was born and bought up in the west; my parents raised me with only English language(something they deeply regret till date). I couldn't communicate with my cousins or relations because of this and this made my relationship with them dwindle because I can't imagine them speaking igbo to me and I'd be replying in english. It affected my self esteem.

Fortunately, I was determined to learn my mother tongue and I therefore decided to school in the SE where I spent most of my holidays with my big Uncles, sometimes go home (village) to know more about my culture and tradition. I try to make sure no one speaks English to me, so I can keep learning my dialect. I am happy with the few years I have spent in SE. I can communicate to an extent in my native tongue except I usually sound "foreign" according to my relations. I can keep the convo rolling as long as you do not laugh when I speak.
I have promised myself that my kids must know and speak their mother tongue no matter what it takes. I won't repeat same mistake my parent did with me.

We are fast losing our culture and it hurts so bad.

I was so curious to read his interview after the game. Did any one notice he didn't use the clichéd "It was just God" or " We thank God for the win". He was coached on how to comment on pre-match and post-match games. That's how professionals do unlike here where if you ask a player how he pulled off such a wonderful performance, next thing is "It was just God".

Op, what you did at first isn't advisable but you were under pressure, I understand that. I did same to a girl just to get over my ex, after about 2-3months of dating, I still didn't feel anything. I had to do it through the phone because I couldn't look her in the eye. She rained all sort of insults on me which I gladly swallowed.
Try to see how it goes first, you may end up liking her or if you can't take that step, just end it immediately since nothing has been invested in the fresh relationship.

The second and third girl that opened up to me about their feelings, I told them with my actions that I am not into them, they left with their dignity still intact....thoigh the third one came back because she still wanted the D. So our FWB relationship started.
You have to man up and tell them what you want. I am pretty sure if she likes you to that extent, she definitely want to have séx with you. You both will enjoy the sex but the emotion involved is the problem. Good luck and say hi to karma in case she comes knocking.
Karma is a b*tch, and her sister is a stripper

One week days, After preintimacy, I can last for about 5mins, hiring it constantly no pause or break but if she gets it up again immediately....na beast mode. I can fire on for more than 25-30 mins , without pause. Second round is always the best for me.
During weekends, especially Saturdays, when I hit the road for roadwork and later the gym, I can go on rampage

Mine was just 7-8days. She said her church doesn't permit sexual relationship. I was just 18, she'd just turned 17.
She's isn't the churchy type but she has this weird vibe when ever we were together. I guess she did us both a favour.

Another lasted about 2 months. I used her to get over my Ex. I was selfish and childish then; I deeply regret what I did till date. If karma comes, I'll just calmly embrace her

The day my I found a love letter a fellow student wrote to a girl back in Jss2. I foolishly copied the copied the letter in another piece of paper so I can blackmail him because I never liked the dude. I don't know who found the letter but it turned around on me. Yeah, talk about backfiring. Everyone thought I wrote the letter.

The day a girl asked me out when I was in SS2 (My first gf). I avoided her for days because i was scared. Thank God I had an updated older brother who put me through. It was also the first time I'd press boobs in an empty class, I was in Nirvana that day. She wanted me to suck them but I was scared of getting caught.

The day I found another dude wooing my gf and she was all smiles, I felt heart broken, I couldn't eat well for days.

The day the hottest girl in school told my friend she wanted to see me in private. I didn't honour it because I was scared as fvck! Yeah, I was like Steve Rogers, scared of females back then but my older brother was like the Tony Stark when it comes to females. I took my mother's shy nature I guess.
But it all changed the first day I stepped into the university campus. I was getting laid right, front and center because I couldn't care less. It was like the beast was finally awaken

Truth is, we have all KnT'd consciously or unconsciously, especially if the girl isn't someone you regard as a girlfriend or someone you are in love woth, probably just a FWB or one-night-stander. Nobody is a saint abeg, stop the hypocrisy.

Most guys invite runs girl over and believe all girls are the same. Sometimes for a girl to come visit you means she's gotten to that level of trust.
I always set the mood for it to happen by playing with her, then I try to kiss her. Most of their response are positive and we move it up a notch.

Few I have invited aren't into runs but from our chats and phone conversations it is obvious it's gonna happen. Still I don't make the move though, the mood just comes by and i grab it.
Some guys are potential rapists and they are disgusting. I mean c'mon, mehn.

Mine happened when I was still in school, 300lvl to be precise. I just got back from exam runs, we have known each other for few months, so I ran into her on my way back. She asked me where I stay, I pointed a building few meters from where we were standing. She said, she's coming to see me, let her just drop what she bought from a kiosk. Brethren(sighs), I thought I was finally going to hammer this hottie, mind you, I have never invited her to my place or even mentioned anything like that.
After waiting few hours....then many hours, babe never show. I believe 2face got the inspiration to write that song from my experience.
The mistake I made was calling to ask if she was still coming. I knew I had given her the edge over me.
The following year, we met in church and she asked me where my new apartment is located, I told her the name and place, then she said she was going to come visit, na so guy man bounce her request. I told her not to bother herself, that I am very busy with projects for my clients and I need 100% focus. I left her there with her mouth slightly open in shock......and to crown it all, my hot girlfriend, now ex, came to meet me while we were talking. Yeah, bxtch, you ain't all that

I hate it when a lady talks too much. Some even fake their accent(total fvcking turnoff).

Fiddling with your phone while I am talking to you, there by giving me monosyllabic replies.

Telling me about her family's accomplishments, the type of people she knows(connection) and roll with.

Taking unnecessary phone calls, just to feel important or popular.

Fixing long nails, there by restricting you from handling the cutleries properly or expressing yourself while eating.....
And lots more

Because my parents are doing fine, they believe I always walk around with a duffle bag filled with wads of cash. Them no know sey my papa money no be my own. I am trying to make my own without their help but e no easy at all.

Ladies tend to believe I have series of girls lined up at my gate but them no know wetin dey sup. I am a one woman type of guy, double-dating is stressful. There was a time I was single without sex for about two years(lack of opportunity and I am very picky when it comes to my type woman).

Ladies also believe I am too proud(to an extent though) but I hardly talk to the hottest or prettiest girls in the crowd because I don't like giving them that luxury of inflating their ego or number asslickers...I also don't like talking to ladies I don't fancy.

People tend to think I am cocky but actually, I just like selling myself good.

When I make a joke about how good I am(most times sarcasm) people tend to believe I like praising myself.....

Because I am tall with a kinda good physique, they believe I am fearless and can always be called to defend the defenseless.

Last Born Association of Nigeria, South South branch headquarters
Omo them send me message die. I grew with the mentality of doing things myself because there's no one to send little errands. Till date it is hard for me to send little kids on errands.
I was stubborn as fvck while growing up but my big brothers use beating and intimidation reset my head. I became a weakling at a point till i got into the university and reclaimed my old self where i had to defend myself.

No regrets being the last child. I had full access to all what my older siblings didn't have, especially after they all graduated from the university, it was like all their pocket money was chanelled to my account. Sweet!

Total dumb way to go about recording your intimacy with your partner. Why not let the guy hold the camera while hitting it and recording it same time thereby shielding both faces from appearing. Then it will just be her behind and his joystick on display.

We are not all saints but there are smart ways to go about things like this. Sorry about her case but her foolishness did the damage. We can't "unsee" or "unwatch" some things

Nobody is saying anything about the guy here. Dude lasted only 97 seconds. WTF!

I don't give what i can't take. Two things i can't let go. Cheating and bad character; My ex never cheated on me but her character was so bad because she's pretty with this killer shape that can make a man cry, so she thinks she can always get away with any thing because guys were hovering all around her which contributed to her big ego and toxic character.
When i had had enough of her bad character, i dumped her without thinking twice. I can't be dwelling on a trophy girlfriend with no peace of mind. Many folks envied us but them no know wetin man dey face for house

Never take your relationship online. Call me paranoid but it is better to be safe than sorry. My ex always pestered me to always upload our pictures together but i blatantly refused(i wasn't cheating, not just fan of public display of .y affairs). When we are not together, i upload her pictures on WhatsApp, that is after blocking everybody(family, friends, business clients and foes) from viewing except her two close friends. After we broke up, only her close friends and mine knew about.

I don't know why people feel if they don't bring down the heavens, their prayers won't be answered. How can one foolishly come out by 3am with a megaphone and start shouting, yelling all in the name of preaching based on repentance, chasing away the little sleep/rest one has managed to get. This thread is just the perfect reason to confront him on next occasion and probably put fear in him.

This is why till date i respect Jehovah Witness, Latter Days and the likes; you can only tell there's a service going on when you see their members going into the building.

My mother's shy nature. She's an introvert as well. I don't like meeting people, and I shy away from conversations and i don't like going out Thank God for the University, i decided to come out of my shell but once i while, i go back in.

My dad is a smart and intelligent man. He's funny(crazy sense of humour) as fvck, and the king of sarcasm, you can never be bored when he's around, stubborness (my stubborness is the conserved type) and lastly, his height. My old man is over 6ft. I got those traits from him

I feel this write up is not rich enough. I was expecting more and yeah, better.
The most important are Skills and Connection. The person above me who stated something about our graduates knowing little or nothing, is 100% right. Back then in school, my CR and his clique knew nothing. I was shocked when i discovered they all graduated with a 2-1, and got immediate employment in government establishment at Abuja during their service year.

Most graduates know nothing while leaving school. All they did was buy their way right from UTME to final paper. I had a small talk with a self-acclaimed civil engineer, he told me how he paid money or used expo for almost all the courses he sat for. Telling me reading is a thing of the past. Later you'll want JB or Arab Contractors to employ such person in the future. Or a computer science graduate who thought Notepad++ is a programming language and HTML is a type of server-side database. So sad

Jonathan39:
Your approach is called the masters Approach. When you dump a girl who draws too much attention from guys. She will always see you as a pro

I swear down, bro. Till now she's not gotten over it. She's indirectly begging but her pride won't let her come clean.
I don't care how beautiful or hot a girl is, once she starts messing up and do not want to own up or change, I show her the exit. I cherish my peace and sanity over beauty. I told her straight up "Your beauty and hotness just attracts we men, but your pride and character will let us run out faster than usain bolt".

With the way people have been ranting about this jersey bringing bad luck, me sef kon dey fear to buy the jersey. This is the most beautiful super eagles' I have jersey ever since I started following soccer. There's something unique about it, especially the font color clicking well with the Jersey

Less than a week after i dropped my pen during the WAEC/NECO exams. Fresh out of high school, i went in search for a job, got a factory job and worked for almost two years before i decided to face school squarely because the little salary was getting into my head. My parents are comfortable but i prefer making my own money in any little way. I started shopping on my own, bought my first phone, even paid the light bill on several occasions. Bought clothes for my little nephews staying with us and Mumsy as well, Dad no offense.

When i got into the University, I decided when to come home or stay back in school to catch small groove and probably hustle small cash. The day they saw me looking at a bet slip and my Mom was shocked when she asked me if i do play "bet9ja". I replied " Yeah, is any thing wrong with that?".
The first day i got laid, pheew! My oh my! I thought i was gonna be a Dad sooner than I imagined.

I blame guys when i see topics like this littering NL. I mean, c'mon, mfkr! You guys notice these red flags yet choose to remain in a one-sided relstionship, reducing your status even below Beta male.
Once i notice strange character(s) from no where and i try to reason with you and yet you still tryna prove stubborn. I'll just go ghost mode on you totally. I dumped my ex like this when she started misbehaving because she's very pretty with this banging body, believing every guy must worship at her feet, but not me. I know how to put them in their place once they start feeling like a G6

E shock am when she asked about "us" and i told her i have found another woman. She never believed in her wildest dream I'd ever dump her. This is a girl guys are begging to date but me dump am sharperly before she makes the first move on me. Never kill yourself over a woman, because there's one dude who is even tired of her. I didn't want to end it because i still loved her but i had to dump her first thereby giving me the upper hand and still retaining my respect and status.

No be every day dem dey born fine boy na

Timsilver:
just reply the notification you get in your mail andn the conversation can continue from there. it's that easy.

I have replied you. You can go ahead to hit me up on WhatsApp

I hate it when i have a misunderstanding with someone, he then goes to make a call to his guys just because of one person. Why not face me man-to-man. I remember when i challenged a guy(probably a cultist). Na so the fóol wan run make call. I challenged him in public to face me directly instead of being a püssy and calling other guys just to outnumber and face only me.

If this watch can just tell me the outcome of Chelsea's game against Man City (correct score) let me just stake all i have, I'll be glad

In sane climes, Military personnels call us Sir/Ma'am when addressing a we civilians but here just being a civilian is a crime to them. That's why i always avoid them at all cost. I once tried to state and stand by my right but we all know how it turned out. All believe they are above the law and no one can do any thing about it or put them in check. Glorified cultist is what most of them are

Iwobi, fine boy with swag. I enjoyed his short time on the pitch when Everton played Soton. I think this guy plays better when he comes off the bench

I like that portrait. I wanna get one for my partner but wanna do it myself(I have something entirely different in mind). Who knows where I can get the frame and the 'paper' used in making it?

I don't like violence but sometimes we need situations like this to spice up games. Just like how Ronaldo shoved Pep Guardiola which caused serious issue during El Classico sometime back. Who watched Kaiser Chiefs game against Orlando Pirates game?

Skepticus:
I don't think he is new. I've been seeing his comments on Ubunja's posts.

Some guys quote the original posts as Ubunja's truths often get deleted by the mods sometimes.

Maybe it's a way of keeping his own copy. Lol

Bro, I don't know about you but the shii is sobdamn annoying. He should have just mentioned the OP's username instead of quoting the whole writeup just to get his attention. I mean, c'mon,mehn!

I have seen many people do this but I just can't take it any more. Ahan!