₦airaland Forum

Which one is this matter again now!+?

Phraences:
US. Their courts are something else. Their reasoning dey different..

There was a case where a burglar broke his leg in the home he went to steal in and sued his victims for negligence. The guy won o!.

Tell me it's a joke

So what happened to the person who was burgled, did the burglar pay damages or how did the case end?

Na real wa, maybe this is a reason why some people take their business transactions to people they are not familiar with to avoid all these familiarity wahala.

Eriokanmi:
There's a couple in similar shoes right now. They married newly and travelled to USA together for studies. They both resigned from their paying Jobs. The wife was earning close to 400k after tax in a bank. On getting to America, their plans changed. They didn't report to school instead, they were working with someone else's Sola-Sola meaning the social security. 4 years down the line, their arrangee wedding they're into, in order to get papers isn't working out. The husband attended 2 interviews with his akata arrangee wife for his green card but none was successful and once this happens, na only miracle remain. The wife too tried but didn't work and time dey go. The wife has been behaving funny lately. She's planning to relocate to another state now, to commence her life independently during which she'd be looking for how to get papers. They've got no kids yet.

Nigeria is a much better place. We just need to fix leadership issues. Once we get it right, those in the Diaspora will throng Nigeria. Forget those good looks on WhatsApp and Facebook, nice environment, etc...just ask them for 100usd and they'd either block you or decline to respond to your subsequent requests. It's not so easy as people think. I don live there before during my school days. I always say this so no neef to start the story again.

Whoever wishes to go should go and see things. Make sure you look for opportunities and bring it home sharply as most of us did. There's a proverb in yoruba which says, if you tey too long on top shiit, na different species of flies go dey meet you there. Most of those who schooled and graduated over there have now turned agents to their alma mater, advertising their unis to Nigerians for a stipend called commission...Where's the job?

Wait first are you trying to say both of them had arrangee marriages as in husband marry someone, wife to married someone?

I thought there was a bank robbery in Festac around 2015, around the same time Agbara Estate banks were robbed That was less than 10 years ago.

I can only imagine what your wife has passed through in the hands of your people.

Pele oo OP, you know what to do, do it.

The OP seems to be speaking from a religious perspective

Best you can do is have a discourse with the particular child ( or children) you teach to help their mum and do house chores, etc that's all you can do. Only the ones you teach lesson oo. You have influence over the ones you teach,you can discipline them too if they do anyhow, also talk to them to do chores shikena.

Don't talk to the mum or dad about it, it's not within your job description.


That said lots of parents are raising spoilt brats nowadays if you talk too much you hear 'I don't want my kids to pass through what I passed through'

Children should be able to take the plates to the kitchen from a particular age, clean up their table from another age, wash plates ( even if it won't be clean) from certain ages, fold clothes, sweep, wash socks etc, as they grow they get used to these things.

There are age range chores for different ages but iro oo our Gen Z style of parenting will spoil children rotten, they will now grow up and be useless to them selves, their parents and society at large.

It's a time bomb it will explode right on our faces. Kaboooom!!!

Congrats to you both.



I sha personally don't feel comfortable when people post their wedding IV on NL, an anonymous forum.

The tailor that sewed tinumbus agbada did a superb job a thorough professional, that embroidery on the agbada is it, even brought out the thumb print, so detailed, I thought it was material sef.

I always like well tailored agbada.

What I find annoying is Nairalanders especially the NID always attack people who have opinions which tend towards not jakpaing why nau, let's read the good the bad and the ugly in peace abeg everybody can't be having it bad abroad, neither can everyone have it good.

Everyone has a story to tell, let them tell it in peace.

If only people understand how many young marriages have been destroyed because of this simple reason.

Family interference has destroyed so much young marriages.

Some issues between a couple no suppose reach family ears but when they are living with you they get to know and naturally every one will take sides and everything can turn yam pepper scatter scatter.

The older you are in marriage the better you guys understand each other.

Nawa ooo.

What exactly was the difference?

Even the child didn't know you are not her biological Father, so what changed when she learnt you were not the biological dad.

When someone says she's my daughter do you go ahead to ask if adopted daughter or step daughter. We have a very long way to go in this our country. She was not hidden from your wife, she knew her as your daughter, she discovered its a step daughter not biological and all hell let loose?

People can be mean sha.

As for that Yeye Aunty, Chochocho Nigeria Limited she will get served.

OP just know that since the girl is being maltreated, your own biological children with your first wife will also be maltreated i. It's just a matter of time.


I don't even understand what her problem is, I have 4 kids I told you I have 4 kids before we got married, you knew and accepted the 4 kids you now discovered one was adopted or a step daughter and you are angry what exactly changed?

When someone says these are my children then they are doesn't matter if they are biological or adopted.

GboyegaD:
Will try to make it with the pepper soup spice mix I bought.

Dunno if the packaged one will have the same effect as the fresh spices though but you can try it.

GboyegaD:
Would have made mine thick though. The omi obe thing isn't something I appreciate except if I am making a soup to drink.

The thick version will be good for Pounded yam and semo, the less thicker version will be good for amala when you mix with ewedu or okro.

You now do that abula style, make a hole in the amala widen it and put the egusi and ewedu inside plus the fishes. Haa it's heavenly.

Have you tried making egusi Ijebu with some peppersoup spices Chai it's on another level.

Don't mind me I am a foodie.

GboyegaD:
I couldn't get the seed where I am so I just took the grounded one I have and blended it again with the bell peppers I used. I am guessing you asked because it wasn't smooth all through, right? I used what was available in my locality.

I already modified my comment

Ehyaa, yeah it's supposed to be omi obe ish.

GboyegaD:
Sunday dinner:

Pounded yam with Egusi Ijebu.

Looks good.

Did you fry the egusi a a bit before blending? Egusi Ijebu generally looks like omi obe coz it's fried a bit. It's smoother.

Their school their rules.

bukatyne:
I don't understand how people think policing one sex on an activity that involves both sexes makes sense & would work.

Every heterosexual man sleeps with a woman. Every heterosexual adulterous husband sleeps with a woman.

If every man thinks it is ok to have multiple sexual partners in/outside marriage, I don't understand how they expect sexual purity/ virginity from the women.

It is either men & women zip up or everyone zips down.

We tried policing women in the past, it did not work and it never will.

I wonder too.

Richy4:
I don't think it's parenting honestly... A lot of parents preach abstinence at home..So kids acts like they were possessed by an unknown stuffs people can not place their hands on.

I have heard of a family, in the morning, they conduct morning devotion, pray before going out... In the night before they sleep, they pray as family before going to bed...

The parent were doing everything humanly possible to bring their children up based on the doctrine of train up a child the way he/she should go, so that when he/she grows up, they won't depart from it...

Now tell me why the second child of that family should get pregnant in such a warm family?.. Mind you, the kids doesn't lack any basic necessities...

Then parents will need to pray for their kids more because this one no bi ordinary eye again.

Yankiss:
We need God and prayers to guide them. Enforcement of purity is possible and attainable only with God. .

Hmm Good one, I think Christain parents need to pray for their children more even after the training.

Richy4:
I just read that and I do understand the mother's fears.....

My ethnic group has a saying that a female chimpanzee says she doesn't trust her babies except the ones in her womb...she can't even trust the one she was carrying at her back because while she was carrying it at her back, she won't know when it may have stretched forth it's arms and grab a fruit from the tree and ate...

Where I fault the mother was for not accompanying a16yr old to the clinic .... That decision was not the same like buying an over the counter medication..

I have seen wonderful and exceptional families whom you can't fault in terms of parenting yet they got black sheep in their homes.. humans sometimes should be slow in terms of criticizing and shouting bad/ poor parenting...

If there's an afterlife, honestly, I won't like to come to the world as human... I will just stay over in heaven as one of the board of directors in heaven, Helping out families...I will propose in one of the meetings that some of these babies should come with a warning label just for the parents... Many parents are really suffering and can't tell where they went wrong...

Some label would say..
<<Nomatter what u do Jane will be Jane..
<<Highly inflammable Peter
<<100% Agreeable Sam..
<<Eze, 89% Egocentric
<<Kenneth, 95% chance of being a brat
<< Worldly/ fashionable Funke 99%
<< Don't lose your mind... This is Agatha
With that, many parent will know what they were dealing with...

And when the judgemental folks came knocking, U produce their factory manual and show them so that they can give u a breathing space...

Interesting submission

Whatever happened to teaching abstinence, where did we get it wrong.

What I see around nowadays make me feel as if some of us were not teenagers or youths at all. What happened?

As much as I wouldnt want to ascribe all cases to parenting this particular one seems to be a parenting case.

That aside is there something wrong with the parenting styles from the 2000s? Something is wrong somewhere.

I am a strong believer that except in exceptional cases parenting is an important factor.

It is well.

Oga you sef compromise small nau abi.

Na God go save persin for this Lagos stress wahala, it is well.

efficiencie:
Madness. I blame the churches and families that accept to make wives out of hoes. They will ask for genotype, blood group test and pregnancy test but they will not ask if the couples, especially the lady is sexually pure as a precondition for the solemnization of a marriage. Then when the couples start having sexually related issues in their marriage they will start rubbishing the marriage institution instead of calling out the fools that joined two misfits in an unholy matrimony. If every clergyman and every family enforced the virginity of ladies before marriage, this foolish mother will not allow her daughter have sex before marriage let alone going as far as recommending family planning for an underage girl and even the girl will never try any sexual nonsense knowing fully well she would be jeopardizing her chances of getting married. This will elevate the punishment for rape to capital punishment and will make rape victims easily prove their case.

Ermm let the bolded be virginity of both boy and the girl that are to be married.



Let me mention my green font friend Richy4

jfkenny:
Am a south easterner..wedding should be in husband's church not the other way round

That is how you guys do it simple , it's not a matter of it should be like that.

jfkenny:
What type of lady prefer wedding in her own place of worship instead of the mans.

Where are you from? It's mostly south east people that see something wrong wedding holding at the brides church, if you are from the south east is it an inter tribal marriage? If not there shouldn't be issues with this church matter, she should know already.

Over here the idea is the brides family are the one giving their daughter away so traditional and church is done at their place, you come marry the girl from her church or her parents church

Richy4:
When one is called a Christian... Christ like...The idea of what will Jesus do should be an utmost important each time one trys to play God...

A lot of people have been offended in the church which Jesus himself might be even shocked at how some matters in the church were being handled....

In terms of bad behaviour, We can't run and condemn bad behaviour like the Government... Christian doctrine is centred on forgiveness... Even on the cross Jesus said father forgive them for they no not what...

When a church condemned a particular bad behaviour of a member which was great, what next? Isolate the individual? Is that what Christ would have done?..yes we can call out the bad behaviour and condemn it but not the individual...

Honestly I wouldn't have wanted this discourse on this particular thread for some reasons because as far as I am concerned Sammie asked for forgiveness, confessed to his wife, confessed openly and also probably repented which is the most I feel he can do, it's left between him and his maker now.

That said a lot of times we tend not to read the Bible completely we just take a part and run with it, sometimes we tend to forget he is God of grace, justice, vengeance etc.
I see the what would Jesus do statement a lot I always remember how he did prevent the people from stoning the adulterous lady and how he also used a whip to chase the buyers and sellers out of the temple.

I had this discussion with a friend and it centered on churches encouraging abortion because they won't wed pregnant couples.
That the church judges them so much heck even the person that wrote the tweet we were discussing was like Jesus was conceived out of marriage ( I was shocked does this person know the context) and also some people commit fornication and still get married because they didn't get pregnant, and the simple questions I always ask is does the Bible support fornication? should the church just let workers committing fornication/adultery just continue without any form of discipline?

If someone decides to commit another sin of abortion simply because he can't face the consequences of a sin of fornication(which is mostly being stopped from being a worker for sometime and at worst not having a church wedding) Is that the church's problem?


So what you are saying in essence in your 2nd paragraph? There shouldn't be discipline?

Isolation is not the right word if you ask me, the problem is not the discipline itself, the problem is church people we keep on talking and talking about the matter ehn.

Most times the discipline is simply preventing you from doing the stuff you do in church, if you are a worker you stop, if you climb the alter you stop and most times its 6 months max and you must come to church, people find this very demeaning and difficult to do especially if you were in a high position in church and if you ask me it's all about ego and not even being christ like.

So both the church members who are talking so much about the issue and the member who refuse to be disciplined are in the same category.


This simple issue we are talking here has so extended so much that people can't even be corrected in church for minor things now, a pastor Mrs can't tell a woman to cover up properly, she will be bashed, Ushers too. Even some Pastors can't say the truth from the pulpit anymore.
The most terrible set are the teenagers they do anyhow and behave anyhow in church and most churches can't do anything anymore else they get bashed mostly by the parents. So everybody is allowing people to do anyhow behave anyhow in church and we see the consequences and you know what we have just started

Richy4:
That is just the problem... A lot of people don't know how to CAll OUT... That is the issue... They don't call out and pause for a while and ask what will Jesus do in such situations...

You may be right with that point that a lot of people don't know how to CAll OUT, but it's just so common to see the judge not phrase when issues happen, especially when it involves matters of the church.

Bad behaviour is bad behaviour and it does come with consequences both within and outside the church. Crime is bad behaviour and it's punishable by law.

duality:
At what point do we condemn bad behavior.

.

Same question on my mind

When bad behaviour is called out we Christain will call it judging.

Sammy07:


There was this nairalander that was crushing around Rita Dominic that year.

Forgotten his moniker

Hope he's aware that his long time crush is about to get married

Lool Yuzedo chief sweetus and his banana Island mansion.

Ogaonos:
most .
another moral lessson ur her story is since Nigerians worship moni nd hid their true character because you are rich.try hiding it by d car u ride .because nwadays na car nd house pple use to measure ur financial statue

Very very salient point, lots of us in this country can hardly respect people simply because he/ she is a human it's always because of status.

Poor people are disrespected because they are poor, people are also disrespected simply because they perceived to be poor.

Even in this story the apology was not because she felt she was wrong to treat another person that way it was simply because it was 'The Bianca', I doubt if it was Biancas friend she would have apologized.

Even if Otedola and Dangote disguise to be poor or average earners and unrecognized they will be disrespected by the same people who hold them high to heavens.

Richy4:
I understand but the detailed information was so staggering after 28yrs, one might think that such incident occurred some months ago.. she seems like someone that doesn't forgive easily..

Incidents like these do stay in some people's memories for a long time. If it happened to me I could also give a vivid account of this, anytime I remember I might just laugh hard shake my head and say ' human beings sha'

It's not really about forgiveness, what is there to forgive? Nothing really, did Bianca lose anything by that incident I doubt it.

You talk about some things not necessarily because you have not moved on or have not forgiven. It just happens.