₦airaland Forum

As you talk to women, tell men to also be responsible. If guys stop expecting every girl they like to accept them, not caring that there are many other guys apart from them asking for the same thing, it will be easier for women to be at peace in their relationships.

Is it bad for someone to say they want to change?

His stomach like my own.

How can Africans not dress as themselves in Africa?

Evolutionlove:
Lies and deceit as usual. Only simping fooools will believe this your treacherous and deceptive sermon.....

You said you'd only believe foreigners? Well she isn't a Nigerian, so there.

The thing is, staying fit is something that can only be achieved with lots of work and discipline. Also, it takes time. You don't work out for a month and expect everything to come down. At the very least, seven months dear. That's why we should watch what we eat. It comes in fast, but goes away very very slowly.

Evolutionlove:
Lol love and affection ko, love and protevtion nii. Well my GrandPa will only believe this If you are not from Shiiithole Republic. Keep on deceiving yourself.....

Better start believing in your sisters.

VanTee20:
Okay, don't stop trying.

Thank you.

This your greeting sha. Take care.

nwaezeemmanuel:
Money is powerful, but it's not everything.

Still, guys. Never buy any hope from a woman that says we will grow together or that you just need to be ambitious.

You're always better off maximising your finances, but don't tie your level of confidence to what you have in the bank. It is that false confidence that turns women off - the kind that is hinged on money.

Some women feel like villains admitting they want someone with enough money, they'd try to sound humble. If you don't want to have headache, have enough, financially and in every area of life.

Peace.

Thanks, your contribution is highly appreciated.

To be honest I laughed first, but I am actually happy for them. If it's real, then there is hope for true love.

cococandy:
Doesn’t matter. You’re still a child

Perfect.

quaintbloke:
A little observation which no one should take personal. Why is it that whenever Nigerians go on a date, there has to be a touch of food involved.

Yes it may be a cultural thing but guys, why can't we bring up alternative ideas to a date? For instance, a walk date when the weather is cool; a drive around date (yes the hold up would even give you more time together) ; a date over drinks, yes just drinks; dance date; movie date (we have already overflogged this one sef); a compassionate date to an orphanage etc

Dating in naija shouldn't always be route1.

Awesome idea!

She does not know anything and that man should have acted maturely and not touched her. Should you follow a kid or should a kid follow you? So even if she expressed interest, the adult is supposed to know better.

In my opinion, she has most likely been told lies by the guy, brainwashed and made to believe it is okay. After all, she is still at a tender age.Also, this might be puppy love which the man took advantage of. She can be convinced by him to defend him, to say outrageous things just to protect him, and prevent him from going to jail.

She is still a baby that doesn't know what wrong was done to her. She wants to show true love and kindness by taking the blame. However, she is still very naive, she doesn't know the truth yet.

Lucrativress:
Familiarity breed's disrespect most times
It is see finish that is doing them
Biko when you start this Job,put in the silent treatment well
Don't worry,the respect will find you..
Also another scope
You can start pretending like you're making official calls most times
Let them ear,come up with intelligent official conversations you'll be saying over the call..
Your System,start doing official documentations on it..
You want them seeing "value"
Value brings respect
Start running your errands yourself..

Makes sense. I'll do this too.

VanTee20:
I'm good. What about you? It's been ages. Do you still write and draw? I'm finding it hard to keep up with NL threads these days.

An ordinary girl tries.

You're welcome to nl anytime.

KaideeGee:
No wonder...
He probably subconsciously feels you are not old enough for him to respect. I will advice you look for a way to prove to him that you are superior that should clear the air a bit.
Please take my words under advisement

Thanks I will.

Lucrativress:
Since you already give them stuffs
Stop giving them stuff's
Start being more quiet..
Watch out for when they'll take your System and say,next time you can just tell me.
That's all and take the Laptop away
This time,let the Laptop be with you,the next day,give them the Laptop and say,you can use it for 2 hour's..
Talk less,withdraw the play
Reduce your laughter,start wearing a very cool face that is neither cold or warm..
Do you have a Job?
Start going to work as usual,make earpiece your friend,be less interactive....
Part of what you want to do is for them not to know what to expect from you..
You want them guessing what you're up to..

I just got a job. Yes, I also feel the job will make them less used to me. Earpiece, check.

The element of surprise. Good one.

adanny01:
Stop the beating . It's not helping because of their size. One day, they might react and that will be the end of any disciplinary action from you.

Secondly, talk less and care for them less. Hausa says, "Sabo da ido shi ke sa reni", that is, familiarity breeds contempt. The are not your responsibility, they see you as over bearing. You actually have no leverage to discipline them or get respect. You are not a parent, you physically may not win a one on one fight, you don't pay their bills nor provide for their upkeep. If they had to depend on you for shelter, cloths, food, sch fees and all they need, they will respect you.

What ever thing they enjoyed from you, make them beg for it, that's leverage. Start with a strong password on your laptop and keep the password secret.

I've stopped the beating o. Because they look like they can turn on me, and they are able to twist the cane out of my hands and run away. I hold the food and laptop instead.

VanTee20:
So much sense in one post.

Hi VanTee, how are you?

Akuruoulo:
THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO RESPECT U. WHEN I WAS A KID I AM SAID TO BE THE MOST HUMBLE AND QUIET GUY BOTH HOME, PLAYGROUND AND SCHOOL BT YET I DNT TAKE ALL INSTRUCTIONS FROM OUR OLDEST SIBLING WHO IS JUST 4YEARS OLDER THAN I AM. AM IN MY LATE 20'S TOO AND MY LITTLE COUSIN WHO IS 12YR DOESN'T DO ALL INSTRUCTED BUT ALL GET DANM SCARED WHEN I EVER I ASK HIM ABOUT IT (HE IS ALWAY LIKE "WHY DIDN'T I DO THIS".

I can't count how many times I reminded them I can give birth to them. Dunno why there is no fear in them for me. I have received some tips from you all here though, which will help.

ImaIma1:
The upbringing was soft and that is what is showing up now. When I was taking care of my nephews, I could scoldand discipline them but still showed them love. Children need some kind of blend of both, especially from parents.

When they feel they can walk over you, they will disrespect you and call your bluff. Stop being the nice aunt or sister that wants to be in their good books. They will even value and respect the ones that discipline them.

Thanks, i need to stop wanting to be 'the favorite aunt.'

Lucrativress:
You need to learn the silent treatment
It is very manipulative
The punishment is rather with their minds
Learn the act of manipulation, you're a Female
They can be tamed with mind manipulation
I have a junior one,can't remember the year I touched her last,but guess what..
I can make her cry in the dark
I can make her say stuff's like "let me do it" and I'm like "don't worry"..
Using the mind means you being calm yourself, not like you won't play when you have to,but learn to be manipulative,the mind is a strong weapon,then apart from that..
Why not start giving them your System to use?
You can set a time to when they can use it
Also,start being a giver,when they're not expecting it,you can get them nice Shoe's or stuff's when they're not expecting it at all...
Be a good Sister
It's all part of the mind game
You need them feeling guilty,you need to activate their conscience..

Sis, you've spoken well. I give them stuff, infact, my last naira note and I'm known to be generous to them like that. Even others in the house berate them, that i play with them, give them things, more than others, but i recieve the worst misbehavior from them.

I have thought about your other options too. Changed my laptop password.

dangotesmummy:
Lol.


As for teenagers let your yes be yes and no be no.they can be quite manipulative, confrontational and sensitive.solution don't send them.do what you need to do,tell them your rules,if they flout it punish them by withdrawing the money you give them or whatever they like, they'll sit up

Thanks, this is good.

aroundtheearth:
Lol!

14? 15? They've got raging hormones and probably can't help being rowdy. Some teenage boys can also act out if they have no (good) male role model to look up to, which begets the question: is there a father figure in their lives?. Another factor/influence could be the media (e.g. music). I wouldn't be surprised if they listen to rap music and think acting like thugs is cool. They sound fun though, albeit troublesome, hehehe.

Lol one of the songs they like playing at home goes like this : 'I drink till I'm drunk, i smoke till I'm high....you can tell me how to fly....i know I'm super fly...i know I'm super fly..'

I be like....see full swearing songs they are allowed to play. I told my brothers, they said if we don't allow them, they would probably do worse in hiding. Some of these things just surprise me because I and my immediate younger brother never tried such when we were their ages. We didn't even have access to these songs. No guts to play them either.

Well, their fathers are usually away on job transfers. Boys really need a father figure, else they make it really hard for the mom or sisters. I understand a bit of what single moms go through now. Taming a young teen boy isn't easy.

soundOsonic:
I deal with teenagers in school, when you become overly nice they take you for granted and when you correct them you become the bad person, while other teachers that don't care or play with them they respect and like very well.
So in other to deal with them, I became less interested in them, just teach and go. I gave them rules in my class and anyone who breaks such receive some unfathomable punishment.

You are doing well o.....and you totally get their ways. Lol teens!'

Women have suffered.

soundOsonic:
I would have taught you how to manipulate them but I don't think you are the type of person.
1. Making the laptop scarce. You have a leverage over them your laptop. You can make them do anything you want or behave themselves like reasonable people by giving them just few time to use your laptop. Make it like one hour in a day. They become zombie or like drug addict who will do anything just to touch you laptop. Making the laptop scarce is like withholding sex for a man he would do anything. Same thing Americans withhold wifi games and T.V for grounded children. You are excersing dominance, making them know Indirectly they can't have fun without your go ahead.

2. Familiarity brings contempt. Reduce the way you talk and complain about what they do. The reason they see you as insignificant is because you talk too much and interfere very well in their life. They are scared of the male not because they see a female as weak, No it is because the big brother don't give them face and too much attention. It is natural to be Revere elders that you don't know.

3. Show em who is boss. Don't beat them or give them punishment. They are young adults. What is that thing that pains a man the most, yes it is his pride as a man. When they misbehave attack their pride as a man, tell them I thought you were matured but you are just a kid, babies with big bodies Tell them only kids behave the way they do, tell them it is about time their mother start feeding them breast milk. This is reverse psychology 101 tempt them to act mature. It works even the devil used this to tempt Christ but Christ didn't fall for it but the kids will.

4. Learn to make boundaries and personal space. Your room should only be assessed by you alone. Make it known if they are to enter your room they should knock, if no one is there they shouldn't enter. Lay rules for them on how to deal with you. rule 1. When talking to you, no form of anger or abusive words to be used and you won't use such on them.
Rule 2. Take care of every chores, if not you will be constantly reminded until such is done rule 3. Failure to adhere to the rules will result to unknown consequences. Make the consequences unknown, it will make them fear.

5. You are the senior buy things for them, like meat pie, shawarma, drinks once in a while. This gesture shows a form of dominance and authority in their subconscious. People tends to be loyal to people who are kind and strict at thesame time.

This is training a teenager 101

So many things stated here are true. Like truly the older males at home don't have their time. So they respect them more.

And the older brothers do question their maturity whenever they misbehave.

You have such good points, I think you are a pro in this. Will add these to my strategy.

Wow, this family section is very cool. I'm enjoying it. Nice replies and interaction. This place isn't mad at all and not bad, not bad at all. Love the way its been so far. All contributors have been quite sensitive and sensible and fun.

Thanks all.

Youngsage:
Interesting thread...

Well I don't think they are as terrible... You just haven't figured out how to deal with kids of that age yet. And beating them will only worsen things trust me on that.

I wish they both can spend a week with me sha... Just one week...


About your laptop, you should change the password. If they figure it out, then it probably wasn't strong enough. It's your laptop for cryingggg out loud! Don't let them keep taking you for a ride...

I even remember what I use to control them...

FOOD.

Once I say no food until you do as you're told, they hop to it

Kayberg:
If you can understand this piece of advice I'll render, try it and watch how you'd cope.
1. Lock your laptop with a password/passcode only you will know.
That way, your laptop is safe.
2. On those boys, forget the fact that you can change them, because you can't. But the best way to deal with them is ignore them.
Don't talk or tell them anything anymore.
Don't argue with them or even warn them about anything.
Don't send them on any errand (if you can do that).
If they make mockery of you, ignore it.
If you are to talk to them, select your words and make it few.
Reduce the rate at which you laugh/play with them.
Keep your cool all long and one of them is going to break first.
I know these, because I've been there.

Thanks. Already tried it. Will continue.

KaideeGee:
Aunty. How old are you exactly, let's put some things in perspective.

Late twenties.

1F30M4:
OP, I can totally relate but this time I'm talking boys of about 9,10, 11yrs.. Osanobua, you see these pikins dem, aswear dem wan make me kolo finish, na to comot cloth enter street remain..

What's going on with this generation Z kids? If you try to talk to them, you automatically become a topic for gisting among their friends and they make it seem like you're crazy.. You wan talk abi, you go talk tire.. Caution orrr even discipline them nko, shior dem don grow thick skin, odeshi na you go tire.. Try to have a conversation with them, if you don't give in to whatever they say, na wahala, they'll either counter what you're saying or they keep you quiet like mumu(shebi when they talk finish, I'll still do what I want to do), it's theirs or no other and if it doesn't pan out well later, they'll endure it inside inside their metallic heart

I dey tell dem sey my own dey be like generator oo, that I better pass my neighbor own.. E no dey quick start but when e start, e dey hard to quench.. If I no give you as e dey hot, you no go know wetin jam you lmaoooo but seriously I may turn a blind eye or a deaf ear to some things, just pray the day your cup overflows doesn't draw near.

Kai, you understand totally. Their generation is just too stubborn. I realized i would soon kill someone if I don't take it easy. .....I have made threats and I lose my temper and go wild....so....

If I'm looking at them its because I don't want to go to jail, lol.