₦airaland Forum

wingman:
@Mzdarkskin.
You obviously dislike Nigerians. What are you doing on this forum ? Why can`t you let us be.

Excuse, me!  What did you call it? 'Forum', eh? I can now see where your ignorance emanated from.  Lack of understanding of where you are and what people do in a forum.

They air their views even if, those views are so painful in the ears of people like you - you just let it be---!  Tolerate it because, it's their prerogative to say it.  True democracy Nigerians want , but true democracy Nigerians can't handle, sorio o o o!! 

You see, you've answered your own question and when someone answers his own question, what does that make him look like---a fool!

You are here asking me to leave you alone, when it's the other way round. Can't you see that?  

Like everyone else, I come here to give my views on topics I find interesting, but people like you who think that a woman should be seen and not heard have tried every thing to muzzle me on here - from name calling to shrinking my texts as well as all your dirty campaigns to ban me from my 'beloved' NairaLand.

Na lie for una! Whether una like am or not, una go hear me on here and una go dey hear the truth, even after I'm gone because, na the reason why una dey, shocked and want get rid of me.  Na lie for una, as I go dey challenge any bad/evil ideas I see una present here.  

Now, you see, I no do you any thing no o o, na him you dey there, dey attack me - come think say I go, go quietly? Think again!!

I am not a shrinking violet, gorit? I don't shy away from challenges or things I believe in.  Never you forget that when next you start to look for my trouble here again 'cos, I'm sure, you will.

Princek12:
The Blessed,

You must be suffering from inferiority complex or Napoleon (shortman's) syndrome! Why do you feel the need to use dark, bold, colored, and oversize fonts to get your message across. Do you think people will not notice your comments if typed using regular everything?

I weep for you.

furacao:
One must cease from making such generalisations. Not all Western people behave in the manner you have described. You must separate the conservative West from the secular West when describing things. You seem to have focussed on the extreme secular society. Of course there are more liberties in the West, but to  say that an African man not being able to hit his wife when she "is out of line" as you say, is wrong is a sexist thing to say. The bible says that women are to submit to their husbands, but that men are to love their wives, and they love themselves. As their own. It's a two-way thing, mutually beneficial. Now, hitting someone is not an act of love. Shoving someone around is not love. The same man would think twice about hitting another man in public!! And in the situation you describe, a man hitting a woman is supposed to be a show of authority.

With regards to helping out in the kitchen or with the children, one must realise that the circumstances in Africa (that  
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dictated that women alone "owned" the kitchen and were practically solely responsible for raising the children) are different from those in the West. Women in that description in Africa who did such did not go to work, leaving the house at 7am and returning home at 9pm. In the West, and even in Africa now, such is the case. Women work long hours and contribute to the home financially.

Let us look at the big picture. As men are physically stronger, and women weaker vessels, the relationship should be one of love, and assistance and mutual understanding, not of insecurity and the need to suppress one gender or the other.

Women in the West are like women anywhere in the world, some are wayward and some are respectable. Some are good and some are bad. Just like men. And it doesn't matter what ethnicity or Race they are from.

God created male and female equal, but different.

Absolutely! How I wish many ladies on here have independent minds/thinking like you to challenge if not by any thing else, by their acts, demonstrations, one voice and literature i.e. writings, the injustices/unfairness and pain our culture subdue women into would have been gently and steadily dismantled over time (because, such actions improve things e.g. the Aba women riots in 1927 changed the unfair tax system imposed by the British in Nigeria) otherwise , we would not be here arguing about these things.

Glad, that men/women not only travel the world and bring back ideas learned from other cultures but also, the advancement in technology beaming in our lounges all over Africa are helping in not only diluting but also, changing this our authentic and entrenched cultures thus, influences from other parts of the world are now eroding ours thus, empowering women to ask for their rights and get it hence, the scare among Nigeria men as shown by their complaints on here and in society.

But I say, chill men, chill - there's nothing to be scared off, if you know who you are/confident in yourselves! If men in order societies are not perturbed by women seeking their rights and getting it so, why you?  Again, it points to differences in cultural beliefs/values - Nigerian man likes to be served/worshipped as gods because, they believe men are superior to women therefore, women are created specially to serve men and be used as they pleases.  For example, an African women don't even have rights over their own bodies - in marriage the husbands detect how many children the wives should bear for them. Imagine, the fairness here?

He put in the babies, the woman carries the the babies for 9months risking her precious life in the process, go through the pain and complications of labour, delivering, breast feeding, nurturing and raising the babies until about 1yr at most and there you have it - he climbs her again

Thus, he would continues until a basket is full of children he wants and which he has difficulty feeding and educating thereby, leaving them to fend for themselves in the open world without skills of any kinds, which is a product of or breeding ground for all sorts of crime - prostitution, armed robbery, 419's etc This is our culture and many of us here, recognise this picture and if we don't, our parents certainly do.

In fact, this is nothing but evil and overt 'selfishness' of our men,  simply because, a man wants to satisfy his ego and standing in his community.  Or should we talk about issue of genital mutilation of women (not by choice rather, as some on here, would now point to Western Plastic Surgery as a way to justify our culture from this this evil act, that has been, and is still going on in most parts of Africa and some parts of Nigeria).  

Again, why perform this evil act on another human being, if not the need to control women?  To prevent them from developing sexual urges and enjoying sexual experiences in adulthood as enjoyment of such basically, seem to be, a  reserved for our men.  Glad, some modern ones, prefers sharing these experiences with their women and I ask, what's wrong with a women reaching orgasm and shouting it out?  Its natural and that's how it's meant to be, isn't it? So, why make a woman feel trashy, if she expresses these feelings - if not men's ignorance!

Thirdly, should we talk about the painful experiences of enforced and loveless marriages some women endure - marriages they do not want/agreed to.  How can anyone explain this wicked act that are still being perpetrated on women in the name of culture.  A woman must marry, otherwise, she would become single mothers - having babies from everywhere.  

I ask again, for the sake of fairness and justice, is marriage compulsory? And who is making these single women pregnant? Na Tree or Aeroplane? No bi men?  And why didn't you all kill them for climbing these women and making babies with them, several times? I want an answer?

Now, you blame it all on the woman, isn't it?  That's African justice and fairness! Some, would argue, after all, men did those things all over the world.  So--- And, that justified it? Perhaps, they did but these cultures have not only changed with time but have moved on, in favour of the needs of current society, except Africans.  

Our culture are so entrenched and set on stones -dare you go against the grain? Na lie for them. They are beginning to see it now, as women are being empowered, we will change things we consider unfair and against us, just as women in other cultures have done - time, socio-economic and political situation of the time will move things to a different level and change the entire male domininated African cultures. Some of us will live to see it happen. 

As we can see, for an African man control power and authority are important traits, in his disposition - a part in the recognition of their malehood thus, the need to control women emanate from their insecurities which can only be traced back to their childhoods - how they were raised e.g. parents raising confident young men, ensuring no favouritism among sibblings, no undue attention being paid and treating their golden sons like a python egg and, at the expense of their sisters.  

Also, parent should reassure their young sons, that the existence of their sisters/women generally, does not threaten their positions in the family and that their sisters are here to share everything with them because, they are part and parcel of the family - good or bad and, mean it.

Now, this takes us to another level of the argument that I would rather leave for now - family inheritance because, a lot of worms will wriggle out. However, its obvious that secured men, have no issues with women demanding their rights - they have no time for these kind of things because, they are seriously engaged and busy with important issues at hand i.e. thinking out ideas that would help mankind e.g. creating, inventing and competing with men from other cultures/countries either in being the first to climb Everest, to invent trains, aeroplane, ship, cars, satellites, mobile phones etc to worrying about women taking over the world.  Now, tell me, what did our men invent other than intimidation, subjugation and control of women and promotion of polygamism.  

Since, recognition, respect power and authority is so important to them in relationships e.g. an understanding of who is the head and in charge of the family (as if we women don't know that), why didn't they exert all that energy in the above areas that seriously challenged their intelligence, creative thinking abilities and determination to make their own mark on this planet earth instead of harassing, controlling women and, producing baskets full of children they can not feed, educate or even provide proper training that would gain them technical skills/hand-work that would benefit them in life.  

Instead, all, they do and continues to do is, to blame, blame and, blame the white man - white man did this and that to us.  Yes, they did those things to benefit their children because, they love their children and did not want them to struggle much in life and their great, great grand children are benefiting from it, even till today. But, I ask, which one did our own forefathers do to help alleviate suffering for the generation following them?  And what are our generation doing right now, or going to do to help the next generation after us NOTHING!

So, for a change, we must stop blaming and do something, instead! And, for those men who think women are in their way, I suggest you go home now and put on your thinking caps, occupy yourselves with something tangible to do, something good to be remembered for, by the next generation instead of harassing and controlling women - leave us  alone - we are not going to take the world and run off, ok!! 

Bavarian:
I hate when African sisters imitate oyinbo culture in a wrong way and now tag themselves as "independent" just because they earn some few 100€/$. Or when they think they can´t cook or take care of their normal household responsibilities anymore. My dear sisters your role is your role anyday-anytime-anywhere. I´ve been married to an oyinbo for 8 years now, she´s a highly educated senior accountant, born with silver spoon with parents owning companies all over Germany (ajebo oyinbo) she prepares breakfast every morning, prepare our launch boxes for the office, comes home afterwork & cook all sorts of German, chinese & African food:- pounded yam with egusi, ogbono,rice & dodo with powerful red stew decorated with assorted meat she knows I´m the head of the family & my decision is final (even on our kids issues) yet she supports my naijaness. sisters, wake up!!! don´t adopt a mentality that even responsible and well cultured oyinbos don´t support!! otherwise we go bown all of una finally

The lies here are so obvious to anyone to imagine! Please, drop it!!! This your woman is truely a super wife - are there more of this kind left, where you got this, that you can hook up with other brothers  and leave us black women with our unnecessary demands, alone.  Please, hook them up with the brothers and leave us alone!

Remember, we too know many who married them and what they went/are going through - for you can only fool yourself with these kind of lies and, not people with sharp minds!

In fact, if at all you're married, you are the one doing all the chores and more---! Not the princess, ok! Why, because, you have to keep the peace (which you wouldn't want to keep if you're married to a black woman) else, you'd not only be chocked out like a left-over meal but will also be on the next available flight to Nigeria because, you are not a German National and you can't obtain German Nationality by marriage, to remain in the country if she wants you out.

German nationality (not European passport, I mean) can only be obtained via birth or through decent i.e. either of your parents being a German - are your parents Germans?  Obvously, not with these kind of names you and I bear -Gbenga, Azubike and Wusa.

There's a difference between being a German, French, Spanish National and being a National of the European Community through these countries.  

And, has people ever asked what would happen to the immigration status or citizenship of those with European passports should these countries ever pull out of the European Community, I wonder! We can only hope, it will never happen until it does.

Unlike the Uk and USA - Europeans are hard on immigrants claiming their Nationalities  and does not look kindly at it at all, e.g. France, Germany, Spain, Pols etc.  Therefore, man, you know your boundaries in this relationship - not to upset this your lady of honour whom you claim is serving you whereas, you're the one doing the serving and saying, thanks for it!.  

Please, stop these lies - for you can't change what we know and what we prefer in our lives!!

PStylish:
Parting Note
Most Nigerian billionaires live alone. I wish I could give names. They have children though. But none of the mothers live with them. They satisfy their urges with aristo university chics and do away with them ASAP.
Some wicked men feigning search for pleasure/fun harm these ladies and use them for money making rituals.
The last time I heard of KSA, he said his mother was his only "wife". She lived with him until her death. She cooked his food e.t.c Now he is alone and happy.

But guy, I just need to know, how do you mean by 'Aristos'? You mean, the love-peddlers in the University campuses up and down the country, who disguise themselves as students? Well, you could see how happy or should I say lonely and pitiful those men who use their services are?

When a man resort in using love-peddlers can't you see how sorry his life is  Now, minus the love-peddlers what's left?  Emptiness!  In life, money does not make you happy and can not buy you happiness - if anything a 5mins joke and your life is back to square one.

Happiness is derived from sharing what you have with people around you - loved ones, family, cousins, nephews, uncles, Aunties, clans men, friends and helping the poor etc and that's the joy of having money not in swapping a 'public woman' every night with other men down the road, ok! 

Who wants his next door's left over?  I mean a pubilc woman called by his next door neighbour yesterday- do you? Any man that says he does needs psychological help.  If the answer is 'no' then, those billionaires you are talking about here are not quite happy, are they? So what are you implying, then?

Let's not detract from the topic, men who can actually be happy alone , in my view, are those who have given their lives entirely to God - who live on God alone (men with unshakable Christain principles, faith and belief in God) and I wonder how many of them are still left, these days?

chaircover:
The Blessed, I think the bone of contention here is not the actual washing or how the washing is eventually done but the fact when people (both men and women) say that they cannot do something for their partner.

Last week I was talking to a man who said he can never fetch water for his wife; I just laughed at his folly because i know for a fact that he fetches water for other people.

We all have our weaknesses and strengths & we complement & compromise for each other but to go into the marriage with a hard-nosed attitude saying I wont do this or that is just asking for trouble. What if the guy too insists 100% that he wont go to the market even if his wife was dying, then what next?

Ranocsky did you say nweddings?

[size=18pt]Yeah, Chaircover, I understand but it's the girls prerogative to choose what they want in marriage now and how they want to be married before it happens so that the guys they are with, have enough time to decide for themselves and if they don't like it, they can chicken out now before it all ends up in tears and hearts broken, including children

We dont want that for anyone therefore, it's up to the guys to ask themselves serious questions about their relationships now and be honest with themselves. [/size]

jay bee:
It's a privilege that's supposed to be earned.
We are not supposed to marry women into slavery as asking women to hand wash clothes when we ourselves won't do it is a bit far fetched.

If and when i do get married, the only thing i would expect from ma wife is to take care of our children as that's her only responsibility. Everything else (house chores) will be shared.
Offcourse I'm going to help with the children as well but it's her primary responsibility as a mother

Jay Bee, you are the maaaan!  Your mama raise you well, well o o o o! I thank her, she did a good job! A man so considerate as this is hard to come by. Knowing how selfish men can be, a man who not only sees but treats his wife/partner as he would like to be treated - and not as his subordinate/slave - which is how relationships should be, is a nice guy, indeed.

A man who considers first, how he would feel if it was him before dishing it on other people is very,very rare to find as a partner! This guy has morals probably, a good Christian! Abi, make I ask, are you being taken by some lucky lady out there? Or from where you dey, are there some of your kind left - wey I could get someone I know because, you seem too good o o?

Abeg o o, from your responses you're the maaaan!!! With someone like you as a husband, partner, boyfriend - women won't be complaining and certainly, single women should be searching for a guy like this.  Your type is really so scaaaarce!  Abeg o o, this na real or---? 

REALITY101:
How dazed

[size=18pt]Dazed

You are the only one that is dazed

And stop deluding yourself, haven't you

heard of it being cut-off and sown back

Watch it!!!!!! You could be next![/size]

Ivynwa:
My statement above is the only answer I have for whoever comes in here to jeer and throw stones at me, I already know such will come. I did not forget that I am in a forum with Nigerians and that some of us don't like to see people being open minded. I have seen people mention sensitive things and coming to lean on the shoulders of their fellow human beings here in Nairaland only to get mocked and jeered at so I am not surprised.
     Pray! if you have nothing to say about the main issue here of women giving birth at age 42, why don't you save me the jeer and let me and my thread be.
Please do, I don't jeer at anybody in Nl and can never be rude either and I know that the next thing that is coming if I dare to return the jeers is "No wonder she is not married, how can she be married with this behaviour and on and on". I refuse to stoop to some level with anybody and beg that I be left in peace to discuss with mature women. Thanks very much.

tallglass:
Hey, I had a 3rd class from a Nigerian University and I have just finished my Masters from a UK university. Trust me, many schools over here (UK) would offer you a place for a masters degree. All I will advice is that you search around for such schools and believe me, nothing is impossible. Cheers.

George_D:
ha, ha, ha! irate folks like you are beyond redemption! well you can continue screeming your jolly head off. as a matter of fact enlarge your fonts to fill up the whole of nairaland website. that way your point will be well taken note of. but don't say i didn't warn you because if you continue screaming at everybody like this, you may log on someday (and very soon too) and you'll discover you can only scream from outside the doors! 

Hey! I'm unperturbed either way, ok!! 

Now, I want you to reflect, do you remember I told you earlier that, you are a bully?

Thanks for portraying it on here once, again! At least Nairalanders can confirm that for themselves.  Imagine you trespassing into my essay just to remove the torn causing you everlasting pain - you shrunk my texts because you consider your choice of font best for me, isn't it? Control freak!!!!!!!

Well, that says it all about you. Only intelligent people on here could see how primitive your attitude is - a nasty piece of work, you are!

With this behaviour, you think you can control people, do you?  Well, if you don't know who to control read this: the person I should  control is that person looking at me in that mirror - meeeeeeeeeeeee!!! Yes, you gorit, yourself!

Now, stop deluding yourself no matter how much of my texts you try to shrink, you WILL READ ME ON HERE until you learn to be civil. 

May I say it again, paaaaasss if my texts are a torn in your eyes, hear it! You don't NEED to read my work, ok?  You don't NEED to---please! I have tried to imagine why anyone in their right mind would subject him/herself to reading a piece of work that cause them pain, I wonder!

Obviously, I'm sure you and your kind  love my writing otherwise, why would you keep punishing yourselves, reading my work when you admitted, I can't be redeemed.  Why bother??  Please, get a 'Life'.