₦airaland Forum

Move on with your life, and let her be.
She's given up on you, so let it go.

seunayeni:
i believe this soup is what we yoruba call obe Efirin, very healthy soup, are you from Ondo state?...looks really nice welldone

It's called obe dudu by people from Ondo. Same translation as black soup.
I've never heard of obe efirin, though I know they use efirin as adjuncts in some soups like egusi

PureMind2:
The wife and the family have been in a distance talk no proper burial as the wife refuse to bring the children to there dad burial to pay last respect poison I can say yes because if someone is sick the wife still have the courage to take the hussy travel out without proper treat over there after fulfilling all aim return him back note the hussy is still sick she never take the courage to informed the closest person in the family what other thing is poison than these ?

Well your family needs to call a family meeting with her people. Get his close friends and speak to them, to find out what exactly happened to him. They may even act as mediators between you guys as it seems there's an irrevocable breakdown in the relationship between your family and your sister in law.
How did the relationship between you and your brother deteriorate so much that he couldn't confide in you when he was in so much tribulation? Didn't he trust you, his family members?
Health care abroad is very expensive, and they may not be able to afford it, hence bringing him back.
Did he have cancer that had spread or kidney failure? Find out from his close friends. Look for the wife's close friends too, to help mediate in all this.
Somebody , somewhere other than the wife must know what the sickness was.
Now is not the time to fight your sister in law, as you will lose in all aspects. Your brother never trusted you, and you have no idea of his business details, his investments etc. Even if you did, they belong to his children. But it's good you know about them, so that you can be an additional guardian for the children to protect their inheritance from unscrupulous people.
If you fight with your sister in law, you will be fighting with your brother's children too and you will lose that relationship too forever.

Nnemuka:
Is this what hausa people call "kuka"?

Miyan kuka is made with baobab leaf like that and it is dark greenish, not black
Black soup is made with some kind grinded leaves and spices. I'm not sure exactly what leaves, but its actually very delicious. It takes getting used to, though.

PureMind2:
All move was abortive by the wife has they have totally refuse to pick up there call but soon I will make sure I call her out I will write a book about these occurrence and publish it as well it will prevent someone who is trying to put the wife over there family don't make such mistakes
never

Your book would be interesting, but you have to be objective otherwise you will only sound very bitter and entitled.
Other than not getting along with his family, what exactly has your wife done against her husband?
Did she poison him?, deprive him of medical care? Denied him a proper burial?
How did she kill him? What exactly was her offence when he was alive?

She's made very valid points. Drugs need serious regulation in Nigeria, and unfortunately the pharmaceutical associations are nor doing anything about it as it would make them more accountable

RisenPhoenix:
Why would anyone invite a 26 year old to be living in her house. I don't know what biochemical change comes over women's brains when they see any religious cleric that makes them so foolish.

After reflection, I have changed my mind. It is not the alfas /pastors and other sundry religious scammers that are at fault; every maga must have a scammer. It is the fault of all the stu.pid magas that patronize them.

Remember her husband, a fellow cleric invited him to live with them.

PureMind2:
I posted these for people to learn lesson before your pick anybody to settle down with mind you the man in question just love been secretful and we are close as we are brought up together as for the wife in question she is in control she also like to distance her self from the family but want her family closer the illness is not even stated clearly to us all we know that everything happens all of a sudden and am still in shook as at now mind you no matter how nice you are to a lady that do not guarantee your happiness more so the hussy stated that before he died if the wife want money let her say it so he can give her more (there is more to that statement for her husband to say such)

If the illness happened suddenly, why are you then claiming she locked her husband up alone and didnt seek medical care for him?
You made it sound as though he's been Ill for a long time, and nobody knew, meanwhile you say it happened suddenly in the same breathe.
People can die unexpectedly at anytime, you don't have to blame their spouses.
Find out what killed your brother- get a diagnosis from the hospitsl/ death certificate which I'm sure should be with the wife.
Call a family meeting with the deceased close friends, wife's family and yours together to decide on the way forward, how the children will be catered for, the plans the wife has, what property the deceased has left for his immediate family.
Agree amongst yourselves on how to check on the children regularly and how their school fees will be paid- is it from their father's property or what?.

tahir01:
Ehen! just like that he took her to his house? Anyway stop allowing people to take you to their houses to prevent such from happening again. My sympathy o

She wouldn't have suspected he was so evil, especially since he is the proprietor of the school, and he was just meeting her for the first time.
Corpers used to be made welcome everywhere in the past, and you would see villagers going out of their way to make them comfortable. Unfortunately, things are not so anymore. Posting you to these places is more or less a death sentence now.
NYSC should be scrapped

She is the devil herself.
I wonder why some men date women their wives know or women looking after their children. They just expose their family to so much danger

Why didn't you want her to go buy her goods for her shop?
Does she stop you from also going to your own workplace?
If you don't have any genuine reasons for asking her not to buy her goods, then you are the devil sent to derail her destiny .
Not every union is for one's progress afterall.
Your wife needs to be careful, and watch out for the enemy within.

Read the prenup, and modify whatever needs to be modified.
Put clauses such as if there is a breakup because of cheating, domestic violence etc on his part, the prenup becomes invalid and you will get whatever. Unless of course he plans to do all these things to you. It will then be obvious he has no good plans for you
Secondly, get a goddamn family lawyer to read through the prenup and advice you. Stop trying to do the job you're not qualified for, otherwise you will be screwed.

24kmagic:
I don't know what you mean by northern Nigeria been the way it is. I'm not from the core north, but l assure you where you come from is not in any way better than those core northern states you so hate.

About northern woman killing their husbands.... I will refer you to this thread. https://www.nairaland.com/5668508/wife-batters-husband-over-inability

She's an ibo woman, north a nothern woman. It won't be long before she kills that impotent boy.

This is to tell you that when it comes to domestic violence, It's not about where you come from, it's about the particular individual.

Finally, we have more successful marriages in where I come from far more than where you come from. You know why? Because we know the ethics of marriage.

We don't copy whites, we simply do us!

Do you know the rate of divorce in the north? Many women are on their 3rd husbands, and the men keep changing women under the guise of divorce. Polygamous ones would have married up to 7 wives in their lifetime. All many do is say "I divorce you" 3 times and that's it. Divorce is finalised by those utterances. We both know it's one of the worrying plagues in the north, the high divorce rate unless you dont want to be honest.
I say this because I lived there for several years. Even among the popular influential ones, the examples are there and it's even worse among the poor.
I don't have time for tribalistic nonsense, so don't think I'm saying this because of that. I just dont want you to sell the wrong narrative to naive people.

PattyMike:
My brothers marriage is none of my business I would avoid intruding and if I was brought into the matter I would exclude myself even if he was my son. Make my brother dey die I will never put mouth in his marital problems. I'm just like that, sorry.

But you didn't exclude yourself in this matter concerning a stranger though, you still advised for better for worse in this case of a total stranger

Honestly, they should be giving life imprisonment to those who sell their children, those who buy them and even those who act as middlemen. Even if you mistakenly hear about the deal without informing the police, they should dash you 20years imprisonment.
If you want your child adopted, go through the right channel/orphanages and you shouldn't be paid for it. No human being should be sold.
It's bad enough some of us partook of the slave trade by selling our people for mirrors, money and stupid things but how can you sell your child in 2020?

PattyMike:
Da le ru, Da le ru. Thanks madam adviser, keep your advise for yourself and your immediate family. Sister Op, it is marriage and it is for better or for worse. Thank you God he didn't give you something that doesn't have cure and condemn you to a lifetime of taking pills.... I want to believe you dated him before marriage and you knew his behavior. He will change pls pray and also give him tough time. Don't make it easy for him to cheat, make it an effort and when that effort takes it toll on him no one will tell him to give himself peace. God will bless your home with good health, wealth and children.

Do you still hold this same opinion that marriage is for better for worse if your brother's wife was the one cheating with multiple partners and gave your brother gonorrhea that made him so sick to need admission, an operation and could potentially affect his fertility?
I'm really interested in your answer in all honesty. Thank you for indulging me.

khaifa:
I have healthy magic frying pans for sale. What it does:
Reduces chance of growth of cancer cells
Fries meat, fish, chicken, turkey without adding oil.
Very economical as you add very little oil for stews and sauce.
Non stick and preserve food nutrients.
Suitable for people suffering from high cholesterol and cardiovascular diseases.
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What a funny way to advertise.
It would be nice if you told us how your frying pan helps to do all the things you've said it does, or perhaps the advantage it has over air fryers

At least they're entertaining
Everywhere seems dry at the moment, so they help to take one's mind off more important stuff

Frankdoz8:
If you don't concur with what I wrote above, you must be a cat-face afonja!

What a very handsome man you posted, despite his tribal marks.
The late Sam Ladoke Akintola... Great man- politician, lawyer, and a great orator too..

Sankabson:
If im to be that husband. I'll send you and your husband. You're a bad energy in that House.


If You dont like sharing things, You and your husband should find some else to stay. People like You deserve to be seriously dealt with.


You're wicked and selfish!!

You have just qualified a human being like yourself as a thing. A baby to be shared. Why do you guys find it so comfortable to dehumanize others, especially vulnerable ones?
That is what opens them up to be abused, when you don't see them as human like you, but rather as inanimate objects.

DonMustafa:
How many Nigerian movies have this man seen to make this judgement?

And those of you who would come here to say Nigerian movies is this and that or u don't watch Nigerian movies and all that trash, pls shut the f up. Do you know how jobs this industry creates?

Back to oga Fash. You are in government. You should use your position to support the industry instead of criticizing it and doing nothing.

There are many storylines that can change the narrative. To stop depicting money rituals in their movies doesn't mean any job will be lost in the industry.

Chiomamoses:
I had no problem for her to have my baby with her but I had to stop when she start getting too attached with my baby to the extend of her asking to spend the night with my baby a baby that she is knows is breastfeed at night and she wanted to spend the night with her is that normal? If I don’t go to her for my baby when is time for her to breastfeed she won’t bring her to me I always have to keep going there which I feel like I’m a surrogate mother to my own baby and I wasn’t comfortable and I had to stop everything. We have 5 children in the compound why she is just want to be so attached to my baby and not with my other children?

The child is yours, OP. You have a responsibility towards that child, and you just have to do what is in the best interest of your child at all times. I feel sorry for your sister in law, but at all times, the best interest of a child (who has no say in any of this) should always be sought.
Dont let anyone on here try to emotionally blackmail you. Non of them will give their own children to anyone to keep or share.
What is the best thing for this child in all of this? Staying with it's mother or with it's aunt? Can the mother look after this child better than the aunt, or is the mother sick or facing some stress that will make her unable to look after her own child?
The answer is probably NO.
Let your sister in law play with the child, but when its time to feed, change her clothes, and other stuff needed to be done for the child etc you as a mother need to look out for your child.
Perhaps you could take time out of your schedule everyday (especially since you have other children to look after) to take your baby to spend time with her and you also help her around the house/keep her company before you guys go back to your own place. That's a possible option.
Show your support and be there for her in your own way
I know if you were living in another place, and not in the same compound, this whole matter will not even arise in the first place sef.
It's a bit if a sticky situation to be in.

funmisticqueen2:
having 5 children when you are not dangote is not wisdom at all.

Working for his elder brother, living in his family house, what next? Sucking his elder brother's penis?Giving his newborn to his elder brother's wife? Everyone should have some autonomy. Her husband seriously lacks it.

He can't even defend his wife and child. That's why I call him a half man.


And she that is giving birth upandan. Is she educated? Can't she use wisdom?

I give up. Nigerians are hopeless.

It's always advisable to plan your family according to your pocket, but OP hasn't mentioned they are struggling financially to look after their children.
They live in a separate house in the brother's compound.
You don't know the dynamics around the OP's family. The older brother may be the first son who by the customs of their land inherited all his father's property, and that may even be their father's property/land they are living on.
Anyway, the husband needs to understand now that there is a very visible, marked line between my property and my brother's property sha.

AngelNelson:
AII these many grammar for Amotekun.... The sw may continue to compromise until you wake up and realize that Amotekun has been disbanded. Their alliance with the north is still very much solid.
Let's just watch shaa and see how the gra gra goes

Amotekun doesn't stop any alliance the SW decides to have with any other region. There's nothing wrong if they decide to protect themselves. Crime should be discouraged in all regions. Criminals from anywhere be it the SW itself, SE, North should be apprehended. There should be no compromise in that.
Anyone can fall victim to kidnappers like Evans, or herdsmen militia who destroy in the name of cattle rearing or even fall into the hands of ritualists. Security outlets need to do more, and Amotekun will provide more hands for the security of the various states.

teniboss:
i hope same you will not be a victim of an untrained and trigger happy Amitekun arm bearer someday

Anyway, we're already victims to trained military and paramilitary/police accidental discharge episodes. Let's hope the states can properly train those they employ now, better training than what the police give their own.

9jaRealist:
.
I am in support of Amotekun (and regional security outfits)...
But there are already too many illiterates and semi-illiterates bearing firearms in Nigeria! SMH
>

Bearing firearms should have nothing to do with your literacy levels. Your mental state is most important when you're allowed to carry firearms, and not how educated or uneducated you are.

sisisioge:
You know what, let me leave you guys to it. Sebi if her baby had survived, we won't be talking about sharing, pawning, gifting, etc here. May God bless every woman that look onto him for precious babies and especially bless OP's sister in-law with her own kids soon enough. Good morning.

Amen to your prayer.

Happy Sunday

funmisticqueen2:
And dumb enough to be bearing children for this half man you call your husband. You both deserve each other

What has the OP or her husband done wrong?
She hasn't complained their children are starving or they're unable to feed their children, or pay school fees for them.
Her husband works with his brother, and so what? He's not free loading on his brother, but works in his brother's establishment.
Baba Ijebu has several of his relations working in high places in his betting company, that doesn't mean they're free loading on him. They are providing a service, and should be paid for it too.
I'm sure OPs husband provides services in his brother's company and the brother trusts him, otherwise that union would have ended since. If he doesn't work with his brother anymore, doesn't mean he won't find somewhere else to work or live btw.

sisisioge:
Another solution...nah, she declared that she's not sharing. While it is most understandable that OP's fertility or fertility struggle of her SIL isn't OP's fault, being a bit sensitive would have helped. Instead of outrightly banning her from picking her child, she could just have suggested this your advise up there. Anyways, I continue to find her action insensitive... My opinion remains the same.

By the way, I wasn't asking her to terminate her pregnancies or donate her baby to the SIL...I was just advocating sharing to ease this woman's pain now. Jeez...may God bless everyone looking to be fruitful with their own babies.

I wish the SIL good fortune with her next pregnancy and hope the OP will change her ways.

You keep saying sharing, sharing, sharing.
I noticed it earlier, but didnt want to broach on that subject.
Children are not pieces of commodity to be shared. They are flesh and blood like you and I. They also need their parent's love and attention, as many of us got from our parents.
Don't see them as objects to be pawned off on one relative or the other, under one guise or the other.
What would the child have preferred in this case? Probably to stay with its mother 24/7, and even if possible to gum body to her.
What I understood from the OP is that the woman in question keeps the child for extended periods of time, and she has to use different gimmicks to get her child back. That's not necessary. Anything more than 2 hours at any period is extended in my opinion.
Play with the child for 2 hours, return child to its mother yourself to be fed and cooed over. The mum will be more reassured you will always bring her child back without any prompting and would be at ease leaving the child in your care. Mother has a responsibility towards that child, and she doesn't want to fail in that. She has to protect and nurture her child. It's innate, for most normal people

sisisioge:
Whew! That's my true opinion aunty...the sight of her multiplication must have tortured the other woman greatly...yet she ofcouse knows what you stated above and remained of good countenance and continued to accommodate and play with her children. Then she lost a baby in December and madam here is already banning her from carrying her baby...biko make them swerve jare.

By the way, I've seen this play before and can greatly imagine the agony the other woman is going through.

Yes, it must be real agony trying to have a child for so long and losing it after birth, but it's not the OPs fault, and shouldn't be seen as such.
No responsible mother leaves her baby for hours with another person, especially when she is not working. Even working mothers quickly go to get their children from creche after work, and try to spend as much time with their babies as they can.
OP also needs to bond with her child. The woman in question can always go to OPs house to play with the baby, and not take the baby away from it's mother. I'm sure OP will not mind if she comes to her home to spend time with the baby.
Unless, you're suggesting OP gives out her child to the woman in question to raise, but she obviously doesn't want to do that, and I can never fault her for that.

Theunbreakablem:
Yes she is a stay at home mom and I take care of her with the little that I have . I cut my coat according to my size.

It's high time your wife gets a job, and you both settle down to raise your children together, and not leave her alone to do it.
Send your SIL back, and also take part in looking after your children when they are well, or ill. Remember you both created them.
It's also probably time you updated your children's clothes as they are growing , and will grow out of them fast. Only few will refuse awoof clothes, especially when they are of good quality, since they are so expensive in Nigeria

ctbhola:
After sixxxx children Wetin she ean go born to an already married man with children? Una woman worse pass Jezebel.

What's your business with whether she has more children or not with her new lover?
Let her old lover lick his wounds and move on pls. He can equally marry his side chick now.
Afterall, he can have any woman he wants . Woman plenty outside na.