₦airaland Forum

I'm writing a research on Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's work[b] The Thing Around Your Neck[/b] and I need some book review of the stories. Please house, where can I get these apart from the internet? Any info on reaching the author herself too is highly appreciated. Thanks.

Aloy+Emeka:
You didn't not appropriate any blame to adulterous women.

Read my post again. the first line treats that.

Very good one there Chakula. Nice illustration

Ify, it may surprise you to know that there are women who still humble themselves in a polygamous setting. I know an elderly muslim sister, she has about 4-5 kids when her husband took a second wife, a much younger sister. It still amazes me the way this 1st wife handled the whole thing. The younger wife was the one who introduced herself to the senior at the initial stage and she said the senior told her that hope she knows that no woman loves to share her man with any other woman, so for her to agree to marry a married man, she should be well equipped with the wisdom to control her moods, temperaments etc. She should also always have in mind that their home will be shaytan's target and thus, do all she could to ward him (shaytan) off. This young woman said she was shocked to hear such from the woman. She's been hearing of how pleasant she is but never knew how much.

Anyway, the younger wife came in and you need to see the way they two relate like siblings. The first wife sells undies. I was there to buy one day and was selecting when this first wife brought out one and said, addressing the 2nd wife: "Look at this panties, you'd better come and buy it, if you wear it for your husband tonight , he won't release you till daybreak". I was shocked. The latter just laughed and said "e fi mi sile jare" meaning 'leave me alone".

I see the family once in a while. Till date, the family is still united. Although I'd agree that this is one very rare and almost unique case. There are other side of the story to tell in many other such homes.

Jazakallah khayran.

I understand you well and also agree with you totally. May Allah increase us in knowledge, wisdom and piety, amin.

I blame the married women who commit adultery with these men.

I blame the single women who date these married men not considering that some day, they too will be married and cheated on by their husbands.

No woman in her right senses will know her husband cheats and keep quiet about it, she may not make trouble for some reasons but she definitely can't be happy with it.

Forget about the men, they can't control themselves. It's the women who whine about men's unfaithfulness, as if the men commit the atrocity with themselves. Isn't it women who indulge them?

@Lagosman I usually like the way you answer questions (objectively) in spite of myself.

I don't agree that women claim to be wiser than Allah (audhubillah) if they opt out of polygamy, really. I know of a sister who didn't really bother when her husband took a second wife but later confessed to me (after she divorced) that she couldn't bear it whenever she saw her husband entering the other's apartment as she used to imagine what was going on there. The long and short of it is that it was her father who went to move her things out of the husband's house when they saw traces of 'colo-mentality' in her.

Some women know they'll commit more sins in a polygamy setting out of jelousy and/or hatred so they choose to opt out.

na wa o. These kids are too young and too innocent for the rubbish you ascribe to them. I hope their parents get you sued for exposing their kids this way.

So it's not that most women are ignorant of the pre-nuptial agreement. It's not a generally accepted consensus among scholars so most are trying to avoid what is doubtful.

about the prenuptial agreement, a lot of scholars do not hold the position you hold here. most of them say it's a quranic verse and anyone who says he/she doesn't agree with it is going against what Allah enjoins. Personally, it confuses me as we do not have any clear verse from the quran or any Islamic history to point at (as far as I know) where a woman and her husband held this pre-nuptial agreement and the man upheld it. This would have made it easier to have a firm position on the issue.

Now my own question is this: if the wife didn't know about this pre-nup till after the wedding and she wishes to have it with her hubby, is she allowed to still do it? or how does she go about it?

candyshore:
@MRbrownJAY - i ve taken notice of your advice.
i think lack of energy contributes, and moreover she is adventurous as in diff styles but once she proposes he is usually not interested.
and this has been goin on since they got married she is just been hoping its get better.

Sorry, but are you sure you're not that 'friend' you talk about here. You seem to know so much about her.
Anyway, it doesn't matter, what matters is getting the advise. By the way, a lot of people now say 'my friend', 'my brother/sister', 'my neighbour' etc

Formerly, both of them. But since dad died, it seems I loved him more. I now appreciate his care more.

If this really happens, then the couple are two strangers living together. Its not possible in a normal, healthy relationship.

jennykadry:
It depends

You can sometimes especially if you know your partner well, you've studied the person well, you understand the person's body language, you understand their facial expressions, and if you can define the chemistry between you two.

Right on point.

If you know the person well enough, you'll know when they're lying.

Even though in marriage duties are shared and taking care of the home and cooking usually falls on the woman, it's still a wrong assertion from you, IMO to say you married her for that purpose. If you view marriage and your wife this way, then I really pity that woman because you'll judge her being a good wife only on the basis of her cooking and keeping the house clean.

I'm interested. How much does a set cost?

@ALL

Though I'm not the questioner, your answers have been very informative. Jazakumullah khayran

@Alimat

Good job there. Jazakumullah khayran.

@topic

Hisnu muslim is a must-have for every Muslim, I'd say. except one already knows all the du'a and adhkaar in it offhand.

ok. Thanks. I'll get in touch.

uplawal:
@Zayhal,hope no problem sister,Asalamu Aleikum,its, titialayo25@yahoo.co.uk

@uplawal

Please can you give me your e-mail address? I have something important to share. You can pass it through Jarus if you dont want to put it here.

Thanks.

Fhemmmy:
I remember one day, when i was growing up and my Aunt-In-Law made amala, but i was too tired to eat, when i woke up in the morning, the Amala has turn liquid, that freaked me out . . . and looks yawk . . . . since then, i will never touch the black thing with a pole . . . . .so gross

It turned liquid because it wasn't well prepared. Either the elubo (yam powder) was mixed or your anty didn't allow it to cook well before serving it.

A well cooked amala can still be heated up and eaten the following day.

Because of this thread, I'm going to prepare amala, gbegiri and ewedu tonight.

llade:
I want to officially say that I appreciate all your responses so far. Am also contented with the responses av gotten and wud appreciate if there will be no further responses to this thread please.

LOL. You can't stop responses from coming in. You can only decide not to respond any longer. It's an open forum you know.

tpiah:
^^i wonder why the wife would say such a thing in your presence.

didnt she know you were related to him?

I wonder too. In fact when I told her she was going overboard to have said such, she accused me of supporting my brother.

But really, I don't think it's worth it. why should I talk about killing someone I call my spouse for whatever reason? I'd rather talk about taking a walk than wishing him dead.

Busy_body:
I will say that too, and since you are there too, i will end it with "Dearest Husband, i am not joking, zayhal is my witness, you have been warned"



Tpia, where una dissappear to i have missed you gan ni mon sweetie

Abeg don't say that o. Some people are very sensitive about such things. An elderly friend was telling me recently when I discussed this with her that her brother's fiancee said something similar, about killing the guy if she saw him with any girl, and the guy quitted the relationship instantly. Even though wedding plans were in progress.

Navi613:
Assalamu akaikum
I was talking to a[b] paranoid religious[/b] friend of mine andwe were talking about hijrah. she was saying that Hijrah is necessary on every muslim living in the usa because the USA and the West are now enemies of Islam. She also said the Prophet said

"I have 5 commands for you -You listen and obey,Be with the Muslims(al jamacah),Hijrah and Jihad."

so she is trying to say making hijrah is a commandment on all of us if we are capable. that got me thinking I mean should we all leave the usa? I dont know but I wanted the opinion of you guys all. thanks

Isn't your post subjective already? And you still ask for opinions?

E nle nibiyi o.

Mo se akiyesi wipe opolopo awon to nko nkan kan tabi omiran nibiyi o ko ju ila kan tabi meji lo. O daju wipe ti o ba je ede geesi ni a nko, iwe a ti kun. sugbon ati ko ede e wa ma nje ise nla fun wa.

awon odo o wa gan o ti e le ko o rara. Ki lo nsele si ede abinibi? Se bi a se ma ma ba lo niyi ni? Awon ile-iwe paapaa, won o ran wa lowo. Die ni ile-iwe ti a ma ri ti won ti nko ede abinibi wa. Awon ile-iwe aladani lo buru ju. Won ti e ki nfe ko awon ede wonyi rara. Kaka bee, won a tu ma so fun awon omo wipe won ko gbodo so ede won ni ile-iwe ni.

Eyin eniyan mi, e ma je ki o ya yin lenu wipe taba ma fi ri odun melo kan si, awon ede abinibi wa ma ti ku patapata ti a a ba dide si ni kiakia nisinyii.

Emi wi o.

~Sissy~:
i was listening to a program one day,and this man called and was so choked up(with lack of words/embarrassment/emotions) the school just called him and told him that his daughter(his is divorced and have custody) have started her period and is very hysterical(poor girl) so he needs to come to the school. the dude was so embarrassed, he didnt know what to say to his little- now growing into a woman- princess. what will he say,how would he explain the whole process of menstruation to her without creating an awkward environment for himself and his girl etc. i felt so bad for him because this is the sort things better handled at least well by mothers and females, now the poor dude has to be a substitute professor for "the what is happening to your body" 101

Not all dads feel embarrased about these things. Mine was a very blunt dad. My mum travelled when I first saw my menses. Dad was home. I was feeling so embarrassed telling him but he made the situation so light. He asked if I'd read a book he bought for me few months ago, can't remember the title now but it's about growing into puberty and stuff. Funny thing, I never opened the book for once and I told him so. He said, ok, no problem. we must have been taught something like this in my biology classes at school, he was right but I still denied that we weren't taught, don't know why I did that.

He then went out and came back with a sanitary towel and handed it to me, asked if I could use it and I said yes.
Later that day, he sat me down and had a long talk with me about all the stuff. How a girl can become pregnant, relating with the opposite sex etc etc. We became much closer since then.

barka Jum'a and happy 50th anniversary to us all.

Despite the odds, we still have many many reasons to be thankful to Allah.

tpiah:
^^are you the mistress involved?

No. The man's relative. Typical of you to ask such.

_{And besides, I wouldn't have[b] heard[/b] it if I was the mistress. I said I heard it. 3 of us were chatting when she said it.}

Oh my God.

Pls jarus, put a warning sign on this thread. Something like: Do not open this thread if you're at work/if you don't want a cracked rib.

I've been laughing my head off.

@topic

It's in Lagos you'll find hawkers pointing their wares into your eyes and even throwing them in your car because you make the mistake of glancing at their goods in traffic. They'll curse you if you don't buy.

It's in Lagos you'll find so many mushroom schools. I heard recently some collect school fees daily. Enter with your #50.00. fifty naira per day, 250 per week.