₦airaland Forum

Like a single friend once told me, he is so attracted to girl A. She turns him on all the time even by mere thinking of her. Girl B doesn't turn him on so much except he wants to make love to her. But he is going to marry girl B because she will make a better wife and mother. He says girl A will only bring drama into his home, she's self centered, demanding and unforgiving. Now that's a wise man who didn't let attraction confuse him into thinking it's love.

It's tricky. What exactly is love? If your man doesn't repulse you then you are good to go. All that 'shacking' butterfly in the stomach feeling is a scam. After a while it usually disappears and you ask yourself what you ever saw in that person. However if he irritates you please don't dare consider marriage.
Marriage is more of compatibility, care, kindness and tolerance. If there is a bit of physical attraction (even if it's not your 'dream spec') then you are good to go.
Now answer this question, do you feel a bit attracted to him? Can you show him off proudly? Do you get turned on sometimes when he gets close or you see him or you think of him? If YES, marry him. If NO, let him be.

cosmatika:
Having gone through ur post, these re my deductions;
1. U re wat we call " difficult patients ". U already have bad mind for Drs, so no matter wat they do for u, u ll still not be satisfied.
2. Ur type of person reads rubbish on Google b4 going to d hospital. So u get there and start asking rubbish questions. And if I must tell u, Drs hate it wen u come to d hospital to tell dem ur diagnosis. Since u already know d diagnosis, go and treat urslef.
3. U must know dat u re not d only one dat has a problem. D Dr u re consulting may have a bigger problem than urs. So don't go to d hospital to frustrate him with ur life.
4. U re not d only one waiting to see a Dr. U shud know we re short staffed in Nigeria in terms of Drs. So don't expect d Dr to waste the whole day seeing only u.
5. U or ur close relation must have been frustrated from studying medicine, so we understand ur vernom against Drs


NB- I'm a Dr. I've had a lot of patients commend me for my patience, depth of knowledge and how I lecture dem abt their ailment, but ITKs like u don't find it funny with me. U re in d hospital to consult a Dr and not for a lecture. I can't take all d MBBS and professional exams, den u ll still come to quiz me like I'm in a viva

A quack doctor I suppose. Just from reading the garbage you wrote as defence, it's easy to see you have a low IQ. Doctor my foot.

What a sermon but you are a wise man to an extent. While there is lots of sense, there is also lots of bulshiit. I guess it's a case of take the meaningful and trash the garbage.

cococandy:
Please move along.

Mannerless. It's part of the problem with Nigerian trained girls, they can't pass a message politely.

cococandy:
What part of my post is unruly? The part that didn’t agree with you?

irrelevant to the discussion
you obviously don’t

in an ideal world maybe. In another world where she can’t tie the men in both families up and stop them from carrying out their plans, then it’s easier said than done.

maybe. But that’s not the only reason why. It’s a fundamental ideology ingrained in them from their fetal stages that they can do whatever they want and women should burn for the same offenses. The ones that didn’t pay bride price still can’t understand why they should treat women as themselves.


I agree

I doubt that but I still think it should be abolished.


a true women’s advocate would not blame women for situations they have no control over.



That’s how it’s obvious that you don’t live in Nigeria. Millions of Nigerian women toil everyday to bring food to the table and take care of the children. I can’t take anyone seriously who says otherwise. You obviously have not been to the markets, banks, schools, roadsides, farms and motor parks to see women hustling under rain and shine every single day.

I don’t need your reply, but if you post something that is condescending towards women again, I’ll call you out on it. Maybe I’ll start the post with “dear sir” and end with a “thank you”.

That would be mature, civilized and polite.

Shop being belligerent. That guy made lots of sense. I believe men should respect women and I do but it will be wise if men can stop paying bride price and paying all sorts of bills just to marry a woman. Most men believe they have 'bought' their wives and hence can treat her as they like.
We are not saying that the tradition is the women's fault but rather women and feminist group like yours should advocate for the abolishment of this tradition.
In Nigeria, people will trample on you if you are dependent on them for money or favours. That's the way our mind is wired, sadly.

Lord knows how many men are raising other peoples kids unknowingly. Women are devils sha. Chei
By the way, the lady who says discussing menstruation with casual guys is obviously retarded. Most men freak out over such topics even with their significant others.

Gistboxblog:
I just dodged a fast one.
I have approached her with the facts you guys provided me with. And as it turns out, she saw her “ex,” so to say, who is an undergraduate (she even sent him money recently, my money), in January too, before and after she visited me. Right now, she claims she is unsure about who the father of the unborn child is, but I am confident I am not the father. I have canceled the marriage and would inform my family.
I guess it’s all just a lesson.
Thank you all so much — Cc: Mindfulness, prognose, zed7, sisisioge, Katier00, becca2011, appsdope, kimbraa, eyinjuege, Holocene.

And you wanted to wife a hò. When will we men learn? Never let the p get the better of you ever!!!

@op,
The questionable message is the more reason not to rush into marriage. Marrying after confirmation still provides the needed ideal home for your baby if it turns out to be yours.

I am a man but I can tell you not to rely on permutations. Every woman is different. I'm more concerned that you are not ready to get married but is considering it just because of pregnancy, that's the greatest mistake bro.
Marry her after the child is born and you can confirm the child is yours. There are no sentiments in these things. They never end well. Be warned.

Goldenboy007:
As for me, before I spends $50,000.00 in US, I have invested $100,000.00 in Nigeria, that's my own 401k.

Good write up. This statement will only mean something if investment means building a business that can contribute to the growth of the economy rather than building mansions for yourself.
The problem with Nigeria is the "me" factor, we don't really care as long as we and our own are comfortable, every other person can go to hell. We can never be great with such mentality.

Arresting him won't change his situation. Send him out to get a job and fend for himself. Let him gamble his own sweat away and learn to stand on his feet.

Seun give this a wiser audience please.

agwaisrael:
Which questions your statement about "them" using cheap phones.

Besides, when talking about international trade, Pagani is not an American car, neither is mclauren. Also UAE has many people using gold.

My point is, "it's not a Blackman thing"

I am not the person you quoted earlier, I'm only throwing more light on the scam called luxury items. Yes, it's not a black man problem, just a problem of mainly non financially savvy people, especially those from the developing nations.

agwaisrael:
Lolz. If you feel that way, good for you!

Not everything has to be about race. Do you know how many luxury items dubai's royal family own? Do you know how many luxury cars Hollywood artists own?

Even a "white" high school student can afford to use an iPhone, so what do you mean by "cheap phones"?

Who do you think "Vertu" phones are for?
Who buys all them Pagani and bugatti?

I guess only black men "waste" money on luxury.

Wizzy seems like he made his wealth legitimately, I'd rather see him ball than the potbellied "black" politicians

What does UAE manufacture? The money spent on luxury is oil money. The point is that those countries manufacturing luxury items mostly export them and boost their economies. More luxury products are exported than are consumed by the manufacturing country.
That a high school student uses iPhone doesn't put him under financial pressure. I hope you know iPhone's are bought using payment plans and most luxury items are bought on credit.
Not so for the consumers outside the country who are forced to steal, embezzle etc just to afford money in lump sums to pay for these items.
We must learn to look beyond the scam. A 2018 Toyota will simply be swapped with the older model while the buyer pays the balance in installment while a Nigerian will do anything to afford it because he has to pay cash in lump sum for it. Enough said.

Each marriage or relationship is different, there are no guides. Meanwhile, she's still a crush, you need to get to know her properly. She just might be a difficult person. Don't be too hasty. Marrying crushes usually never ends in the fairy tale imagined.

Very unlike the igbos. The document looks genuine enough.
Are you an igbo man? If yes, why not go with your own people to contest this bill? If you aren't, why would you want to build in an obscure, poverty stricken community?

N340,000 you mean, Nigerians are good at exaggeration and praise singing. He doesn't look like one who sees N34,000 a month though. Wish him good luck.

Always test drive. When you buy a problematic car, you either sell it or you continue to manage it till the end of its lifespan.
From another angle, she may not be sexually attracted to you even though she loves you. Believe me it happens.

You guys are becoming creative in telling stories. Your parents threatened to arrest you? Who gave an unemployed person loan without collateral? Ain't you paying interest on the loan? Useless post.

psalmistkakah:
I pray for your sister to marry such person, somebody that could not pay bride instantly, after two years, the wedding was a cut and join wedding. That guy is lazy period. May you life be like his own since you know him beta than me..

Even though I'm not one of the 3 major tribes, I think your sister too is lazy and daft.

That's why it's called a correctional facility. To reform and reformat back to factory default.

Please whats the cost of a 2002 Honda Civic, auto and a clean Peugeot 206 automatic.
Thanks

Schizophrenia

Beautiful and courageous lady. Not easy marrying a man with cancer. I salute you.

People saying their dad or elders told them a similar story doesn't mean it's true. The average Nigeria is a slowpoke, irrespective of the age and enjoys fantastic tales. That's why we spend so much time gossiping and fabricating myths and fables while others develop.

Why the insult? The question isn't that odd. Every family is different and not everyone conforms to the norms. OP should ask his fiancée though instead of asking us.

It's a personal thing, no right or wrong here.

somebody1:
'wedon sir'...so if she doesn't meet ur standard of sexual compatibility, u'll dump her abi. 4 who if I may ask? So ladies are now ur lab rats that u must test b4 marriage...do u think marriage is all about sex? Ladies, please let us 'shine' our eyes...we should not be used as specimens for sampling... STAND YOUR GROUND PRAYERFULLY.

She would be left for someone else whom she is compatible with. If people can dump one another for genotype incompatibility, religious incompatibility etc, why not for sexual incompatibility. Let's stop being hypocritical, sexual compatibility is very important in marriage.

sassyangel1:
Everybody gat their own opinion. I guess he made a vow dt in SICKNESS ( u tot the sickness said on the altar is malaria or headache?). O, this generation of marraige jst wana eat ur cake and have it. That's y I doff my cap to my father who stood by my mother wen she was diagnosed wth cancer. He spent everything he had tillllll he became a broke ass. Even his BP catapulted higher Dan my mom buh he still stood, fed and bathed her till she died in his arms. I'v never ever seen my dad cry buh he crieddddd dt day, MY HARD HEARTED FATHER cried dt day(I'm even in tears as I type). My mom begged him to leave her alone dt she's causing pain to him buh my dad kept reassuring her sometimes, forcefully n stubbornly carrying her for her chemo. Nw, dts marraige. Even after 9 years, my old man has refused to remarry saying he can never find a woman like my mom.

That's true love right there. The man is a trooper. Unfortunately most people don't marry for love. They marry for other things. You can't give what you don't have. Someone who has no happiness within will always chase around looking for happiness.
Happiness is within. It's waking up with a terminal illness and accepting that others too are going through stuff and not feeling miserable or looking for someone to blame. I've come to realize that an unhappy person will still be miserable in a perfect environment and setting. Learning to be happy is an art.

eyinjuege:
Can you please expantiate on the challenges of marriage?
Thanks

Challnges vary from lack of money to non performance in bed to anything couples face. Choose your pick.

delishpot:
I know my trainer and it was your mother. You can not tell me who trained me more than I. Shebi Í am the Olosho? I should know my mentor and guide na. Your mother is my mentor. I guess I learnt well from the very best. Yes, your dog mother gave birth to this dog. while at it, please go for DNA I know what I am talking about.

Have some shame and retire quietly. Whoring runs in your family, it's no secret, nor let me expose u further o.