₦airaland Forum

bryanarchie:
Thank you all..My husband said its left for me to decide and I know my in-laws are not too happy about my trip (which I totally understand).
I just really want to damn it all and go because my father-in-law has been wonderful to me and I believe I should do this but I'm also scared...
No one has told me not to come there but they've been talking to my husband and he has expressed they are not enthusiastic about me being there...

My father-in-law has been good to me and I want to be there for him. My husband has refused giving me an account number to send money to them and if I ask my father-in-law he will tell me not to bother...

You are giving us information in bits in each post

The 1st post you said it was bad exprience for both parties we assume you and husband (you let us in dark of the bad exprience you mentioned ) we need to know the bad experience to help us understand eg the family dynamics.

Then on the 2nd post you say you know that your in-laws are not happy about you visiting thats confusing to us then finally you say you understand it why they wouldnt want you to visit

So we dont have a clear pic of the problem you are having with his family or what your husband is having with his family

But in general a clever daughter-in-law leads husband to visits her in -laws its works a good PR for when husband tell his family that it was your idea to visit

The same tactic when visiting your parents husband leads the way and u tell your parents that it was his idea

Its seems like husband is letting you lead, lead him to go and see his sick father, let your good deeds speak for themselve to say you are a good daughter in law. You say the father-in- law has been always good so pay him a visit unless if they said they dont to see you

adedayoa2:
You got married to her for the wrong reasons, because she works and you'll not have to spend much, oga you never ready for marriage, change your mindset, accept her as your wife, start thinking in your heart that you're working for your family and tell her to cut her coat according to her material.

U are being biased becoz its fellow lady being accused you didnt understand what the guy is saying.

The guy is complaining about the wife’s spending, generally the husband is used to managing finances, he expect the wife to do the same but the wife create more expenditures by allowing people to visit all times buying food to entertain them.

Husband think they should able to manage finances if all this too frequent visitting of people stops. Remember for now they dont have kids so the expenses in the house should easy to manage just the two of them but its not the case as visitors drain resourses

Wife should be taught how to manage the funds, usually african culture we like visiting unannaounced alot and looking forward to be cooked a good meal, without thinking of the stress we cause to our host.

The wife might also be used to how quickly husband gets money, usually people who are used to cash in hand everyday they never budget simple becoz they have the mentality of saying i can spend all this today becoz tomorrow i will have the same money after work/husband comes from work

Wife needs to be taught how to budget and save and plan for the future,

dancok:
we hate ourselves, can anyone give a concrete explanation?

Poverty and colonization

Colonization made us hate ourself people were made to emulate whites, anything from black people was made look bad eg a traditional healer is called a “WITCH”DOCTOR, they divided and concur made hate and kill each other’s tribe

Colonial rules we not meant for black people to prosper and be rich, there were for white people to be rich and better and all these happened for 100 years white people progressing in everything while black suppresed

The damage in black people is 100 years old and no black nation is 70 years old after independence meaning we are still trying to still trying to reverse the mentality that has been put in us by whites at same time still trying to understand the system that the white people made aka the economy how to make a rich and its people

So becoz of system that oppresed black from it made us poor, and one is poor he does anything to survive

gare2510:
By His Grace finance has never been an the issue, I am not against her self improvement plans also, get a maid, no ! (mind u I will pay o)

then all you need to either arrange child care when wife is away learning or get a maid even if she doesnt like it, i idea is to help her

YoungFr:
Good morning to all Nairalander.
I'm a 25 years old guy with one daughter, duo I'm yet to be legally married but me and my soon to be wife and my daughter are living well and very happy. I have my own house and living well, I work as a security guard in a company but the pay is cool I can boldly compare my salary to a police Sargent salary, our department have a cooperative society where we can get a loan up to the amount of 500k which I took a loan, added some of my savings and open a store (chemist store) for the mother of my daughter my soon to be wife.
My problem now is this:- I can't stop helping people that comes my way even when I'm broke and have no money with me, few days ago I borrowed money from someone just to help a guy who admitted his kid in a hospital. Sometimes I even end up giving out my last cash, I can't see someone around me that's in need without me helping even if I have to borrow just to assist him or her.
I'm posting this cos when I'm in need no one is available to help or assist me, there's was a time I got myself involved in some stuff and needed money to pay off some debts no one helped me, everyone turned me down that I have to sell my iPhone 7plus 190k, that's a phone I bought 320k. Please I need your advice on how to turn down some people, I can't keep living this way, pleasing others just to displease myself, my wife have complained several times but I find it difficult to change.
Please no insults, advice is all I want. Thanks

I shall be blant

I respect you taking care of yo partner and child, you are not married traditionally or civil hence i used the word PARTNER

You are stupid to get a loan a open a store for future mother-in-law. You should have opened it has your own business. Never do things for people thats you havent achieved yourself

Money, business and relatives never mix

You go out yo way to help people as if you need approval from them that u are good person.

On averange friends and relatives always bring u down when comes to money

Chubhie:
Your wife is abusing you emotionally. You are mandated by our ancestors to provide clear cut leadership for your family. I don't know the blueprint you adopted going into marriage but i feel clearly defined areas of leadership and fellowship or 50:50 in terms of partnership is essential and necessary in an ideal marriage settings.

You need to sit your wife down and discuss all issues holistically and let her understand her roles and act accordingly. Activate your charms and rekindle those old flames you both shared before the burden of marriage got the best of you guys. Do this for a week before the sit down.

This is your ship your creation. You must not fail in this duty cos we all in the larger society will feel the ripple effects.

In my opinion your 1st paragraphy ill advising

Why

The guy is not supporting the wife, the wife is learning so that one day she qualify get a job and bring more income on the table, we mainly work to provide for our kids to have better future or start in their lifes

Looking after kids is nolonger s traditional role of women? The world has changed forcing women to go out and wotk like men, hubby should supoort wife by either hubby finding a maid, sending kids to after skol care or arrange a pattern that works around there kids

A maid or after skol care are expenses on their own if the hubby was bringing enough on the table, one of the two would have happened long back and they couldnt be fighting right now


Sure what time of men who let wife go with kids to work/learning place

Whether wife wants to uplift herself atlist she getting herselft educated to provide for the kids

Sometimes tradition doesnt put food on the table u need to adjust with times, all the ladies u see in streets didnt wait for traditional roles for hubby to go out and work while they just sit home doing house chores, hunger and desire for better life made them go out and put few dollars on the table

osuohak:
my sister with what u just said means u are not clean at all. For the fact u use soap to wash the vagina. The vagina cleans itself inside your body with natural vaginal secretions (discharge).

Its misconception to say the vagina is self cleaning

Why

Lets start by taking a pee after oeeing few drops remain they need to be wipe off, if not wiped of we all know what urine can smell overtime and this inbetween the legs coveres with cotton pants and a bit off body heat — thats those will cause a chemical reaction that will produce a smelly smell


Naturally every person has his/her own natural smell but smelly vagina can be two things poor personal hygiene or an infection

Its African mentality, adults always want to be greated 1st but they forget that kids grow up and once a child is an adult treat him/her like an adult. They want to be checked up all the time but they never phone to check on you love and caring is two ways street. When kids are young to forced to great parents and adults as learning curve

Then finally the not calling after getting a job indirectly they want you call and get something from you and present becoz you now working. The sad thing is they want u to call and during the conversation they hint about giving elders gifts for more lucky in your life. Mother—fucker they want the cake and eat it too aka you call them and they want small gifts

Its African mentality, adults always want to be greated 1st but they forget that kids grow up and once a child is an adult treat him/her like an adult. They want to be checked up all the time but they never phone to check on you love and caring is two ways street. When kids are young to forced to great parents and adults as learning curve

Then finally the not calling after getting a job indirectly they want you call and get something from you and present becoz you now working. The sad thing is they want u to call and during the conversation they hint about giving elders gifts for more lucky in your life. Motherfucker they want the cake and eat it too aka you call them and they want small gifts

Timekeeper:
Must u insult me, can't I ask questions again? Abeg I no wang trouble oo

do you know what is an insult ?

asking you to think is not an insult

I can see that this thread had been mostly been replied by teenagers

1 its not that fat women are better, its just the one you meant surprised you from the stereotyping you have been hearing about fat women

2 Every woman is different you can judge sexual satification bases on body size

3 To say slim women have deep vagina that no true, the difference is only access to pelvic area, slim women can easly spread the legs wide and have clear pelvic contact, whereas fat they cant really open wide due to very big thighs and due to weight they cant lift and open very wide for a man to really have contact with pelvic area, so how you penis can is limited due not able to full pelvic contact

The same when eg doing a doggy position a slim woman can feel the dick much deeper than a fat woman (am not saying slim enjoy more than fat one) due to not much much ass
With fat woman the vagina is buried in big ass a short penis will have hard time to reach the vagina due massive ass being inbetween the pelvic area of the man and the vagina itself

With all this it does mean fat women enjoy less NO, sex starts in the brain if the guy touching the right place whether slim or fat a woman will enjoy sex

But there are curtain position which are hard to have a full penetration if you have small dick and the woman is fat

Timekeeper:
I know guys can have sex with a lady bearing in mind that he can never marry her as wife.. What about ladies, Can u have sex with your boyfriend knowing fully in your mind that he can't marry you or you can't marry him as a husband? Ladies come in and contribute..... I mean the guy isn't a random guy oo, he is ur Boyfriend but you know he is not gonna be your husband, can let him keep having sex with you.

Cc:Amakababe Ishlove Farano Sabenabeauty Makydebbie yeyerolling Queenserah26 Kimbraa Craziestgirl

Cc:Livingfree Ishlove Pocahontas

Sometimes people u need think before u post things

Why on average both male/female we date 4 guys before marriage and on average you have slept with 2

Meaning people date & Bleep without putting much too no marriage no sex

Kewtt:
For Drivers Only.

Who's at fault here?

A. The Silver vehicle Driver
B. The Maroon vehicle Driver

We dont have a clear pic there

We need the full road lay out what if the maroon car was forced into the silver car by another car

Or eg he swaved to avoid a child or stupid driver

The pic appears to show the maroon car being wrong BUT what made it encroach into the silver car

karllemah44:
okay I've heard you sir...didn't know it had gotten that bad for Zimbabweans, God will see you people through

Things like this research 1st

Based on that i can clearly say you are 10 years behind on zim current affairs

EzendiEgo1:


I have noticed mind blowing thing about eating ladies pussy, while eating a fair lady pussy I feel like a king and enjoy eating it than eating black ladies pussy.

Why do we men Enjoy fair ladies own than black? Is it because ladies that are black are always dirty or what.

The 1st part you spoke of sexual skin tone colour which is ok becoz it preference

The 2nd speak on your behalf only

Your sexual preference apply to you only

You might be suprised that your daddy ever eat pusssy

karllemah44:
If DAT Zimbabwean currency is not here then dis list is nonsense

You are out of date

Right now zimbabwe doesnt have its own
Currency, we use the US$ & SA rand

But you are still not rich and famous

Prolificdeman:
I will make this post as short as possible, Since April this year I have been battling with penile discharge, upon noticing such occurrence I rushed to a pharmacist where he recommended me some drugs with 5 injections stating that it is infection not just 2 weeks after that, it started again this time I have to go for a lab Test and the result came out, the said it is yeast infection, another set of drugs where prescribed I took it yet no positive result.
Last month I went to another pharmacist and took another round of 5 injections with drugs as well yet this penile discharge has refused to leave my system for good.
This time it is accompanied with Noisy stomach. The sight of waking up every morning to see my stained boxers is the worst scenario ever it spoils my day,I am always depressed, at times I just think of suicide because I have given in my best yet no avail, this is the worst sickness I have seen in my life, it has affected my studies, over 30k spent, my little business is almost down just because of this issue, please experts in the building help a brother with a suggestion of how to get rid of this deadly disease before I lose my fertility.

I dont know how the health system works in nigeria but i think you are making a mistake to a pharmacy, pharmacy despense what the doctor prescribed after examination etc

Whereas u just went to a pharmacy, unless u using the word pharmacy for dictor

johhnnie:
Madam, I may disappoint you and a host of others on this group. The mistake is largely yours.

Most people here would not have the patience to read through what you wrote. They will only glance through. Their grasp of your narration may then be limited. But that's ok.

Good, you did business together and made a good profit.

In your own words, the father was sick and had to be flown abroad. He asked for your permission and you both decided that he used his own portion for your father in-law's treatment abroad. ( This is expected of a good child and more so, the first son of the family; the African way which we cannot shy away from). If table were to be turned, I believe the two of you would have agreed to do the same thing to your dad.

You both built a house, though, with the substantial portion of the fund coming from your side of the profit from the business eailier mentioned. By your assertion, it means he also partly funded the building project. Though on a relatively low scale compared to yours.

The situation, I think now is this: Am sorry if I use strong words here; you betrayed a trust and that was why your hubby was angry. And I believe that while the period lasted , it was probable that you sought advice from someone outside your nuclear family. Your husband trusted you to the point of not checking the building documents from start to finish. How you were able to achieve this beats my imagination.

You plotted this all along and someone somewhere acted as an accomplice to you. You betrayed a trusting husband. In your own words, you described your husband as a good man.

The real issue I see that you have presently, is not the idea of him leaving the house. It is the idea of the children's welfare. If I may ask you, how do you share the financial responsibilities of all upkeeps of your nuclear family?

My dear, somebody advised you wrongly or you did not think it through properly before embarking on that act of betrayal.

I will tell you the truth;. you already set your marriage up for divorce by that act of betrayal. If your Pastor or any other person tells you other wise, they will only be deceiving you.

I know that there are lots of theoretical marriage counselore here, however, be wise get your good husband back. Dont let them make you to push your husband away.

Find a way to placate him. He believed in your judgement that you would do what was right for the two of you. That was why he did not telegiude you while the building project was on.

If you handle this right, your family will be stronger for it. However, if you take the advice of some of is here that you should take him to the cleaners; my dear, you may end up losing that house, your kids and a host of other things that may be meaningful to you. Not that he will drag the house. You will realise better, when he stays like two months away from home that the God given role of a man in the family is not an easy one.

I see you as a family oriented woman. My line may not go down well with those that are not.

Peace and please, get your home back.. Your kids need it more than you two!

Well said

The problem is mostly african born and raised we mix both traditional/cutural laws and constituation laws that end upnmessing up a simple issue

Men use traditional laws to there advantages and women use constituation ones to get even

From the onset everything was wrong u started a business together as couple (married), but u went to divide the profits as if u were just two partners of a business but you were also husband and wife. The profits was meant to be a family profit not to be broken into two.

Traditionaly men were the ones mainly going out to work therefore properties were bought in the husband name etc and thats what he also believes but constituational law (in the event of a divorce) gives a share to a housewife even if she didnt contribute financially, she was the caretaker

So in this case we have someone who want to use tradition to have the name on the house papers, and we have a couple who at one side are married people and the other side they act as strictly business partners

My believe is when a couple start a business venture you are starting an empire for family i.e wife, husband and kids period !!! Not having individual goal between hubby and wife, you should have clear goals on running the business and what to use profit for

Also other common phrase i have heard or seen here from nigerians “ i opened a business for my wife or whatever” You dont open business for wife but you open business as couple but it would be run by wife. What am trying to say is if you are married run business as a couple, know the books of the business etc though one would actaully running it in this case a wife. That way there is such thing as my money his money her money its family money
Remember the outmate goal to start a business is to rich yourself, if married its to rich your family, hubby, wife and kids

Family assets would be in family name, one common thing in our african tradition wealth is very rare passed on to kids, by tradition uncles usually take over assets etc they dissappear like water in desert, usually there are gready that nothing is looked after and handover to the orphans. Lets protect our hard earn wealth from gready uncles and brothers, put assets and money in family trust than letting tradition laws eat away what our kids should get from years of working or building your own small empire

Abbeyme:
Warrisdis

For the records: THIS IS ILLEGAL.

You cannot choose to modify a vehicle without recourse to manufacturers advise. It can lead to brand erosion. It can be linked to patent / knowledge theft.

Its tantamount to a criminal offence.

Stop lying to people

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cF8S5aK0qOA&feature=share



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wga8DuxCdIQ&feature=share


What matters most is whether it passes its structure intergrity after modification, depending on each country’s laws, there is government department under ministry of transport that gives certificate of road worth of such modification, thats has nothing to do with manufacturer of the car

Not trying to defend anyone but myself being a mechanic, its start to diagnose car problem over the phone, the best thing is always phone to book an appointment or to get directions to the garage.

The best is always to physically investigate the problem on the car than a diagnostic over the phone

vybzkartel:
hould a husband and wife share sponge to bath?
Towel nkor
What if the wife is in her menses? Eeeeeeeew *spits *


I need your advise quickly

I can tell you are still a kid who has to grow up and understand women

Let me be rude abit it will make think & refresh yo mind quick. Am your mum has been on her menses many times but u never saw it, becoz she know how to take care of it

Same applies to those who share a bathing towel or sponge. Every day there is always a woman on menses but when they walk on the street doesnt show simply becoz of personal hygiene

Nothing wrong with sharing, but naturally we get individual things as we still remain with our personal hygiene habits

ClimberG:
Ghen! ghen!
All the men don come out with their guns ooo. They are saying it point blank, dem mama comes first. Anyother woman na attachment oo to the existing order. Oya if you no accept, better arrange ur kaya commot. Or simply suck it all up and accept the status quo. Just pray you have a motherinlaw that isnt dominating.

But to be sincere, can you love someone else more than your mother? Hmm, i dont think so. Thats why some women are making the concious decision of becoming a single mother these days, you face less wahala and headache.

The last paragraph sounds childish and poor reasoning even if she becomes a single mother, lets say she has sons one day they marry does she expect the sons to love her more that they love their wives?

Any this issue is down to what your saw in your own parents. If your mum grow up putting her mother 1st than her husband then you might pick on that too

Each of these woman played/playes different part, your mum raised that was her duty its not like she did i a favour to raise you no but at the same time care and love her. These two women give different types of love and care.

None of the should be made to feel that one is important that the other,

Ziggylady:
Now this got me...you are kind of right in a painful way.

thats the truth my dear, people hide from it

there is no SACRIFICE IN YOUR OWN CHILD thats what you are supposed to do, so we should stop this SELF PRAISONG as if it was someone job to do it when it is actually your duty to do it

Witnes:
OK , thank u. i got it now. We argue to learn. Its like u are an engineer?

not really i just understand how somethings work

benswagtt:
very true sir but,
the thread isn't about mother's competing with their daughter in laws. It's more like, you as a person/man showing love to your Mom and your wife. The two love cannot be quantified therefore it cannot be compared logically. Buh, I don't see myself loving my wife more than my mom. I don't even want her to love me more than her Mom. She wouldn't have married me if my mom didn't make me a marriageable material. I alone know what she passed through.

well the thread say "if you love your mom more than wife" so if you let one of them know then you have just made them competite

Witnes:
To me is absolutely trash. How do u drive a wheel on triangular shape and be comfortable? Where's d balancing? or made to stationed on particular spot? Wasting of resources innovating trash.

your are missing the idea its not that the wheel rotate while in the triangle shape no, in triangle shape it became track therefore the wheel wont rotate but it now roles on the track like catapillar dozer


check the angle of the catapillar tracks they look like triangle

benswagtt:
you're a wise woman... God bless you for this mentality of yours

its a two ways street

1 wife or your own mother shoulnt make your choose who to love more or to do favours more

2 both of these women plays/ played a role in your life your mum did her part, she should now let you go to start your own life and family just like her own mother did (if she really did)

3 both women should understand their roles in your life, on average your mother should i understand that you know have your own family and values and your woman would understand her role and also remember that the same love she has for her own mother is same love has for his own mother, aslong that love doesnt intrude in the new home, eg the mother in law has so stood up to be woman and wife in her own house away from interference from her own mother in law, so she should also let daughter in law estabilish herself to be daughter in law and wife to her son without her interfering the new young couple

Anigreat:






I don't care!


It will be difficult for me to love my mum less and love my wife more. Not that I'm not going to love my wife, but mum comes first.


I'm so sorry future wife, but i can't help. That woman has pass through hell for me, sacrificing for me, so my days be better than hers. Mum love me so much, so why should i betray her because of one woman call wife?

If you dont like it that way, pack your useless things and get out of my house.

there is nothing called "SACRIFICE FOR ME" if the person is biological mother or father, why? naturally thats what there supposed to do look AFTER you till your are able legally or natural to look after yourself


all people who are looking after someone's child can use the work SACRIFICE as they had to put aside their plans or come out of their way to look after someone's hence its a SACRIFICE

the rest who are looking after your own child please STOP self praising using the word SACRIFICE, naturally and by law your are meant to look after your own child IT IS NOT A SACRIFICE but nature and law demands it

lakefist:
Scan revealed its a crank shaft position sensor why telling him otherwise.

am talking out of experience, if the car has a timing chain 99% its the chain being loose hence scan says crank sensor but its just the timing which has gone off abit, normally when its cold eg in the morning the car will start fine since the chain would be just tight enough, then when the engine warms up and switch off and try to start it wont until it cools down a bit

remember crank sensor and timing whether its belt or chain they go had to had

adigun002:
Good day to you all.
I have a Nissan Altima 2006 model that is hard to start. I did a scan and it showed that the crank shaft position sensor is bad.
I need help from anyone who knows this thing and how I can get it at affordable price.
Thanks.

A common thing with nissan almera, it wont be crank sensor, but the timing chain being loose, hence hard to start. Solution new timming chain

elpiro:
Not entirely true, OBD complaint vehicles have different ports

If not full researched some people wouldnt know the difference OBD was a port for diagnostic and would differ from manufacturer, it was made a standard port from every manufacturer from 1996 which is now OBD2/OBDII