₦airaland Forum

It is like the lady is more intelligent than your friend, maybe due to her profession. We can not write off disagreement in relationships and the best way to sort it is to hear individual out and reach agreement; I think that is the approach the lady adopted but because of the intelligence level of your friend he always tend to run away during conversations. I can not disagree with your friend if he can't handle her but he suppose have done that long ago, he can't tell us he just noticed the attitude but because of his selfish nature, he decided to carry on and enjoy the lady's money and time. 2yrs is much for serious minded fellow and it can not just be thrown away like that.

I think they can work things out if your friend love her. They can sit down and talk about what normally cause issues and talk about how they will be handling it ......the guy need more maturity to handle the intelligence of the lady.

It is low self esteem to assume that someone will sleep with her boss for promotion.... Police profession is decent except for those that wants to do trash and that happens in all professions

Running back to his weak ex is not the way out, that is just a cheap solution.

Sixfeetbelle:
Having a male bestie for a woman isn't a bad idea as not all men will appeal sexually to a woman. If not for the fact that men are territorial, having a male bestie has some plus.

-a male's perspective to issues you have with your spouse. Eg a man won't see her husband being preoccupied with work same as him not finding her attractive anymore.
-a man's logical input against women's emotional ones in marital crisis. Eg a man won't see the mountain out of a molehill her female besties are seeing in a single missed call from the husband.
-the husband can even benefit from the bestie if they become buddies. That way, if he messes up, he can get the bestie to put in a good word for him when the wide comes calling for advice.

There are demerits to having a male bestie for a married lady and vice versa, but if we can be objective, it can work. It works even better if the bestie is married.

My two cents I leave you.

i think opinion in the writeup allows room for male friend but not so call bestie.............in most cases bestie became a threat to main husband, when at any chance the wife is already chatting or talking to bestie. Woman can have a male friends she talks to sparingly but not the one she talks to almost every hour.

It is practical brother
your friend wanted to kiss your girlfriend..........................How did you confirm it was true, did you base it on what your girlfriend told you or got fact?

you are thinking your friend is a betrayer or whatever.................either your friend act like a betrayer or not, never rely on human being in life,always have a defense mechanism.

your friend said your girlfriend has family issue...............do not take it to be lie or truth...........he might not want to tell you before(truth)...he might have issue with the girl or because he is having issue with his wife(that is why he lied)......................................calm down n make findings(pray about it, do not do the prayer alone)

Great NLers, hope we are chilling with our respective families in this stay home period.

I got a feeling that we should discuss this issue of BESTIE of a things instead of merging it with other topics.

BESTIE is defined by dictionaries as someone's best friend

This topic is created to address the nitty gritty of bestie in the context of marriage/relationship. There are different cases where ladies mostly considered a male friend as her bestie which a guy who has seen a lot in the area of relationship/marriage always frown at whenever their partners or friends mentioned such. A male bestie according to ladies is someone they discuss virtually everything about their lives with including happenings in their marriages/relationships. A lot of women do not understand why men always frown on the issue of bestie. Men frown on the issue of bestie because many of them knows what they are doing or have done with women that calls them bestie or has introduced them to their men has bestie, while some men rejected the issue of bestie due to their experiences and encounters e.g getting to know that their partner is having flings with their claimed bestie. Some ladies do turn their ex (who they can not easily resist sexual advances from) to bestie while some ladies choose neutral guys either from their vicinity, work space or some other ways. Frankly speaking, some ladies choose bestie just for the sake of gist or someone they can get information about men from in order to deal with their partners right or to learn different things about life from, but things do go other ways as the relationship grows.

REASONS WHY BESTIE DO TURN TO FLINGS
1) Some besties are ex ( it is not easy to resist sexual advances from your ex)
2) Besties are always ready to listen to all your cries and conversations which is always one of the qualities females want in a man and that quickly make them fall for their besties (besties deliberately does that because of their ulterior motives)
3) Besties will always tolerate all your characters either good or bad ( because he is not committed to the relationship, he has nothing to gain correcting you)

The above attributes are what BESTIES use to their advantage.

IMPLICATIONS
1) It makes some women to demand more from their partners, they tend to demand for more attentions, more cares, more time for conversations and others probably because their besie easily does that.
2) It breaks relationships/marriages by the time the man gets to know.

OPINION
As women, we can always find ways to discuss our concerns and observations with our husband/fiance/boyfriend instead of having bestie that may later lead to something else. We can have male friends we do talk to occasionally for some reasons known to us but not bestie.

Great NLers, hope we are chilling with our respective families in this stay home period.

I got a feeling that we should discuss this issue of BESTIE of a things instead of merging it with other topics.

BESTIE is defined by dictionaries as someone's best friend

This topic is created to address the nitty gritty of bestie in the context of marriage/relationship. There are different cases where ladies mostly considered a male friend as her bestie which a guy who has seen a lot in the area of relationship/marriage always frown at whenever their partners or friends mentioned such. A male bestie according to ladies is someone they discuss virtually everything about their lives with including happenings in their marriages/relationships. A lot of women do not understand why men always frown on the issue of bestie. Men frown on the issue of bestie because many of them knows what they are doing or have done with women that calls them bestie or has introduced them to their men has bestie, while some men rejected the issue of bestie due to their experiences and encounters e.g getting to know that their partner is having flings with their claimed bestie. Some ladies do turn their ex (who they can not easily resist sexual advances from) to bestie while some ladies choose neutral guys either from their vicinity, work space or some other ways. Frankly speaking, some ladies choose bestie just for the sake of gist or someone they can get information about men from in order to deal with their partners right or to learn different things about life from, but things do go other ways as the relationship grows.

REASONS WHY BESTIE DO TURN TO FLINGS
1) Some besties are ex ( it is not easy to resist sexual advances from your ex)
2) Besties are always ready to listen to all your cries and conversations which is always one of the qualities females want in a man and that quickly make them fall for their besties (besties deliberately does that because of their ulterior motives)
3) Besties will always tolerate all your characters either good or bad ( because he is not committed to the relationship, he has nothing to gain correcting you)

The above attributes are what BESTIES use to their advantage.

IMPLICATIONS
1) It makes some women to demand more from their partners, they tend to demand for more attentions, more cares, more time for conversations and others probably because their besie easily does that.
2) It breaks relationships/marriages by the time the man gets to know.

OPINION
As women, we can always find ways to discuss our concerns and observations with our husband/fiance/boyfriend instead of having bestie that may later lead to something else. We can have male friends we do talk to occasionally for some reasons known to us but not bestie.

grandstar:
Oga, that marriage can never work with that type of mother-in-law. Nothing he has done justifies the mother in law's actions. The mother-in- law is a domineering tyrant.

But we can't ask him to throw his marriage away just like that..... He probably knows the connection between his wife and her mother before he went into the marriage. There are many green light we don't pay attention to during courtship...... Any lady that can not have her opinion without bringing her mother into issues is a green light already but since op refused to address that earlier, he will have to face the consequences. We can not ask everyone having issues with their partners to always leave.... They can still find a way out. Besides, he needs to try ways to curb the menace n prevent it from reoccurring before he can decide to back out if those approach does not work.

I love this thread not because of the topic but the responses. The arguments here are logical and reasonable. I love what op addressed n everyone has reacted specially on it. My concern is about bestie..... I don't think there should be anyone call bestie aside the guy you claim to be your boyfriend, you can ask n discuss all your concerns n issues with your boyfriend rather than having one bestie that is waiting for a minor misunderstanding between you and your boyfriend to capitalize n take advantage of you.

Meeyankee:
And you called your self a man? Weak men everywhere pussy men everywhere.

Advice is not a must to apply..... I have said my own n i think the person seeking advice have seen it.
You can give your advice too. Maybe you think it is boy n girl relationship.... We are talking about married couple.

I am sure you are here to take reasonable advice n not just advice.
How on earth are we going to tell you to dump your wife, this is marriage n not relationship for crying out loud. It is easy to get rid of your partner anyhow in relationships but it calls for extra careful to take anyhow action as regards marriage.
Brother, look for every means to locate your wife and amend the source of the problem. I don't want to know who caused it, but you are the man n you must look for ways to put your house in order. Kill egos n forget how she handled the situation with her mum. Just look for ways to get her and solve the issue from occurrence.

Devil will not scatter your home.

Capita yes..... Though, Advance version ....more education n exposure..... N i will love to be advance version of my dad too.

Sincerely, it is a fruitless efforts comparing women with men cus it is an argument that can't be won by women but I think it became issue when men showcases the advantage in an oppressive ways.

Nobody can determine how good or bad it will turn cus there are many events in marriage that will reshapen what you guys believe now and those events might build the marriage or Mar it (10years from now, assuming God has bless you and you are comfortable... I fear if you wouldn't start seeing the gap then, you might probably get irritated then n plan to look for someone below your age...African sense) ,but aside that all you need is some level of wisdom to control the home cus it will be good to educate yourself and be well informed to drive the home.

Think well n don't hold your decision base on the sex n praise you are receiving from her now cus they might just be ways to lure you in.

We understand you dear, you are not the only one in that regard, it has happened to many ladies n we have seen several cases where women milk men dry n leave too, just take heart n be strong.

I will advice you date your class.

Thank God you gave space already...... Continue the relationship n discuss crucial things in the process. Try to invite her to come around for either week or days. Do not be too anxious n panic about what will happen, just follow the relationship and be active with good conversations before your final decision. You can hear people's advice about SA girls but what does not work for A might work for B, take your time to know her again n know her real reason for coming back. God help us.

freeman131:
You can't impress everyone,people like you has never and will never contribute anything to the society. And don't be too fast to forget that father is a spiritual leader and needs to live up to what he preaches.

Why do you have to react bitterly instead of adding Your Own contributions and submissions.

It is the receivers that goes about telling people n not the givers....

Let me tell you, contributions is a choice n not a must .....don't be deceived by all these selfish oriented givers


He needs to live up to what he preaches... Well done father's son, Mr giver

I think God wants to safe you from fake woman who will be fucking up and down after you traveled and you will be thinking you have a good wife back home. Do not be too bitter cus shit happens. I know how painful it could be but calm down and get the truth of the matter, let your friend invite her to the hotel and possibly bleep her after all she never show any sign of a good woman, you can plan up with your friend to go and meet them in the hotel room and free the ashole of a girl. Please, do not expose her nude pictures, be mature about it cus exposing the pictures will never retore the disappointment. I want you to believe God is doing that to safe you for your right woman at the appointed time.

please, be mature about it.

I appreciate his giving spirit but i think we need to grow and move away from show-off and publicity orientation. Giving is good but it does not require camera. Some people will disagree with me and say it is to encourage others, but giving is primarily to encourage those that we are extending the kindness towards and by the time some of them got opportunity to do, they will realize that they were once in need and that will make it easy for some of them to do willingly too. You do not need to convince the whole world, anyone that will do charity will do without been convinced by any other person. in fact, most people that do charity conceived the idea earlier before they got they opportunity.

placeofallure:
Some of you won't understand. There's a secret joy in collecting money from your man. Last month, I didn't spend a dime in the house. However, I'll always say help your man out when you see that he truly needs to be helped.
I do a lot of shopping for my man, I give him surprise gifts on my own bill. But I still like to collect from him

I understand you dear but There's a secret joy in men too when their women cater for some bills and lessen entitlement spirit (collecting all the time n not supporting anyway). In fact, the smartest woman is the woman who give or support her man because she will receive double or triple (Reasonable men looks for ways to outshine their women in responsibilities).

Great nairalanders!! I trust we are all coping with this new reality of life (Home prison). Lets keep the spirit up, it will soon be over.

i got this little inspiration and i decided to share for us to relate and learn.

EMOTIONS are great gifts that God gave human kind to run lives, Our emotions have an influence on how we live and interact with others. At times, it may seem like we are ruled by these emotions. The choices we make, the actions we take, and the perceptions we have are all influenced by the emotions we are experiencing at any given moment.. Emotions determines our MOOD.


EMOTIONS can be seen as a strong feeling deriving from one's circumstances, or relationships with others

Basic Emotions are: HAPPINESS, SADNESS, DISGUST, FEAR, SURPRISE, and ANGER.

All this basic emotions played out in some event of our relationships while in some cases, it is two, three or more at event.

HOW DOES EMOTIONS PLAYED OUT IN OUR RELATIONSHIPS
Every human relationships is primarily to satisfy the emotion "HAPPINESS" (PLEASURE), but in search for happiness we tend to attract other types of emotions. When women/men goes into a relationship in search for happiness (the happiness might be through sex, money, attention, care etc), we tend to be carried away once we find the happiness and soak ourselves into the memory while it last, and neglect human factor such as SELFISHNESS. Many people are ready to sacrifice their inheritance such as money, time, energy, care, attention in order to get the happiness they aspired for in a particular moment; some men are ready to give their money, time, energy and attention just to get sex from women while some women are ready to give sex, time, care in order to get money from men and when they are satisfied, they leave the other party stranded without prio notice, and this actions in many occasions set in other types of emotions such as SURPRISE, SADNESS, ANGER, FEAR and DISGUST. This is why many women and men get bitter after dumped by their partners because there was no check.

HOW DO WE MANAGE OUR EMOTIONS
It is not possible to kill our emotions but we can control them, we can put our emotions in check by not been totally carried away by the tricks and gimmicks our partners are using to lure us in or thrown at us. No matter how our partners might be showing those cares, attentions, energies, monies, and sex, we still need to be putting ourselves in check because not all are genuine or not all will be successful as we wish or expected and to also know when to move on by the time our partners started messing up or showing true colors.. Therefore, we need to be putting ourselves in check in order to position ourselves for disappointment so as to be able to manage our SURPRISES, SADNESS, ANGER, FEAR AND DISGUST.

We still want to be having women and men that are not totally broken or shattered after they left one relationship........we do not want aggression on people who does not know about our bad or unsuccessful relationships.

I do not think you need to get rid of him, you guys need to be talking about money n contributions in relationships and how you guys want financial responsibilities be handled in your marriage. You can't just decided that he is stingy

Society and upbringing thought them that way...... I think many of them needs reorientation. Men can not totally dispute that we need to give more, but we expected them not to see it as entitlement ( a must do). Many reasonable men love giving willingly when women do not ask or when women ask sparingly.

One lady said they feel happy n honoured collecting from their men, men too will feel the same if their women can give.

They need reorientation.

ihedioramma:
I think fashion is what every body can see ? but this one is covered use your number six .

Chairman, it is not a must to accept my contribution. Never tell me to use my number six again in your life. Is lingeries not for fashion and how many people sees them aside partners. I will not reply you with harsh words. Maybe you should go and learn topics on fashion to know the exclusive meaning.

stanliwise:
have you heard of what we call the victim card? She will play that card now and would win the game

I can't disagree brother, maybe I was talking from the point of a strong guy, only weak guy will subscribe to such card and anyone who fall for such will still be trapped back by the girl even if he walks away without saying a word or letting her know.

missyojo:
Your comment is what I was about to type. Traditional marriage doesn't give one a wedding certificate, I guess that's her fear.

Court wedding isn't expensive to do, with 20k or less it's done. I was in that same shoes too last year, my EX told me he would only be doing traditional he doesn't like court wedding. While ME I want court wedding and traditional, he insisted that he isn't doing court wedding.

Well, I had to let go of the relationship.

You mean the guy let you go because you want court wedding as a support to traditional.

To me, there is a hiding agenda from any guy who rejected court wedding because the reason can't be there is no money(court wedding do not cost anything serious)

It is well. God will help us all

Mostly, women talks more than men n it is so because women are verbally structured while men are logically structured.
Men are to act proactively in any situation; men are to ease tensions n not to add fire and that is why they are structured logically in order to always take time before responding in any case.

benji93:
What the heck! Don't quote me again if you don't have anything relevant to say, alright. As it turns out it's not a cliche. Who uses such a phrase to categorize people? We can talk about financial independence, Intellectual freedom, INtellectual independence from a personal perspective, which one be mentally Broke women? Now if you use the word Broke, which usually connotes the ability to access cash, then I have no problem. But a mentally broke woman, How do you quantify that? Does it mean a woman that has good character, or book smart or a combination of the aforementioned? Now as per intelligence, what does it even mean to say a woman is intelligent. By the way, where your intelligence end, na hin someone own start. So intelligence is relative. Moreso any lady that's partially financially independent must have a decent level of intelligence, or must be hardworking or inherited money. The point is your argument was a moot one, especially because you used that phrase. I respect your opinion though. Just stay for your lane. Don't come here forming Connoisseur. That post self was copied. The original post even used mental brokeness with respect to a woman being able to support her man, or at least connected them.

I love your composition bae, it was a great one base on your mood at the moment you composed it.

Let me share little light on the word MENTALLLY BROKE op means here. The mentally broke is not about not been smart, brilliant, and intelligent but having financial independent orientation. No reasonable guy will expect his girl not to collect from him n no reasonable guy will not willingly give a reasonable lady who does not see collecting money all time from her guy has entitlement. Many ladies out there has turned it to entitlement and that is what op is addressing. I am very sure you are not part of those girls op is referring to dear .....no shaking

Meedon:
Thanks.

I need to be very prayerful


Please i need more advice

You don't need any special advice, follow this your advice.

Pray about it and take off your mind. If you continue thinking about it, you will be tempted to act it, your inner mind will start pushing you to browse about it and get more information about it n before you know, you are already acting it.
Just pray over it n get off your mind

primesoccer:
You are very correct. Me trying to chat her more is just to get more evidence. She might spill more than she has done already. I don't think it's an act of weakness. I have the picture of the guy she said they're trying to work things out. I saved it immediately she sent it to me (the stranger) knowing fully well that she will do "Delete for All"

You already have answer my brother, a mature mind don't jump into action, take your time to hear from her through the chat and know more things. Information you will get will also help you in your next relationship/phase. If possible you can arrange a date through the anonymous chat and you can spit out during the date n then move on with your life. Please, do not allow emotion n feelings attach you back to her cus the present evidence is enough but the further step is to have room to prove to her so that she wouldn't jump around and be telling people that you dump her for no reason.

It is like some people here dont understand your fear.

Your are not asking for a party or show off, but a legal backing .........A process that will show certification...........Traditional wedding will not offer any certificate.

I dont think any reasonable man should have problem with court wedding because it does not require any serious financial implication.
Maybe you need to find a way of telling him properly by letting him know that you are not after party or show off.......Dont miss them together, suggest traditional and court to him and forget bringing up church option (he is your man,3yrs friendship no be beans, he should be able to see things from your angle too and stop been selfish). Maybe the way you are approaching the matter is tending or showing evidences of show off cus we all know how women does things, you all want show off, but if genuinely you are not addressing it in a show off way, i dont think a reasonable man should be threatening you on that.

Still talk to him n let him see your side of the matter and yourself to hear his side well. We cant advice you to dash journey of 3yrs away just like that.

The lady is not your type, you married her out of pressure with little knowledge of her person (you did not study the flow then cus you are not really ready for marriage but they talked you into it). Compatibility in Marriage goes beyond good character and it is not about number of years you date, it is about how you guys flow during few times of courtship, you can decided to marry a lady after 3 months of friendship once you guys connect and flow well...... You guys are having connection problem, you are not compatible.
My advice;
I will tell you to relax and play along, take your time to study her in order to pick her weaknesses then start ignoring those weaknesses anytime she put them on, your connection might probably increase with that over time.
It is not a remedy but a way to retain you in the marriage cus divorce is not a good advice.

Good luck