₦airaland Forum

The case is sensitive op. Many guys today dont take their time to do personal investigation of their partner after they meet, people just meet and agreed to date and that is all, but because parents had experiences, they always assist their children in doing some investigation after the guy is introduced or when theY saw seriousness in you guys. Aside spiritual(not religion) reasons, i dont think a reasonable parents should disagree with your choice and anytime they do they are expected to sit you down and explain( though, many parents do not explain because they knows you are in love and you can mess it up by going to your partner n tell him/her).
my Advice,
if you are not the type who normally take spiritual( not religious) steps before embarking on any big step you intend, if your parents question your choice, you have to sit them down to hear them out and know why. ( NEARLY ALL BIG MEN TAKE SPIRITUAL(NOT RELIGIOUS) LIFE SERIOUS.
for me, i always do my check myself and once i am done, nobody can tell me anything again...................IT TAKES MATURE GUY TO HAND THIS AND YOU HAVE TO DO YOUR CHECK IMMEDIATELY BEFORE YOU FALL IN LOVE AND BECOME DIFFICULT TO WITHDRAW.


RELATIONSHIP OR MARRIAGE IS A BIG BUSINESS THAT WILL AFFECT YOUR.......LIFESTYLE, BUSINESS, FINANCE, FUTURE AND SCUCCESS........THAT IS WHY IT REQUIRE CAUTION AND THAT IS WHY PARENTS HELPS THEIR CHILDREN TO CHECK CUS YOUNG GUYS DONT CARE.

chairman, the reasoning why you came here for advice is the reason why you cant marry her cus i am sure you had countless thought on the issue yourself and you could not find answer. worst past as related to marriage is always good to be heard and not be a partaker. I will not advice you to be a superman and marry her becus human will always be human; you can not forget the past and that alone is a red light already. your wife will still offend you many times in marriage n some of the offence might be pointing back to the current issue which will not make you forget it. you can form strong head now becus of the sex and the pampering activities that always cloud relationship,but marriage dont give room to that, marriage is a full time business. it is better she leaves to marry someone fresh n yourself too to avoid abusing her later due to the past you cant forget.
my opinion

We are not ready to vote anyone the way we voted Buhari again... Give us your manifesto; tell us qualities of a Royal woman and how you have adopted it's practices so far?
We don't want honourables with mouth n no action n qualities again

It is not a bad thing my brother, it happens to reasonable and mature guys becus it is difficult for them to handle babyish attitude from lower girls. I will advice you date your age group since you are 26 already or you continue playing games with older women till you get to like 30 n start dating or marry girl btw 26-30

You have spoken well op, your message sound well and it was well read. Our society is seriously bad and every youth crave for shortcuts this days, but I will like to point out that as it goes males it goes for females too cus the current ladies are not ready to delay gratification any longer; they want to marry a man now and start enjoying what another woman who married 15yrs ago is enjoying. It is not good too generalise at the same time cus we still have some great male and female out there(the percentage might not be reasonable)

May God help us

3

Many young guys complains of no good girls out there and neglecting who they really are, aside hustling and bringing money home, many guys are poor intellectually and do not know how to handle anything( finance, relationship, advice patience.....). There are good and reasonable girls out there (the percent might be low) who are ready to settle down with a reasonable guy that is hustling and earning little, but because many guys are good for nothing other than making money. We expect ladies to settle down with us or struggle with us knowing fully well that we don't have anything to offer too aside bringing money ( poorly intellectual guy will only attract his type who will be after money alone)

Sincerely, if one goes by all the post on romance you will want to ask this question op is asking cus most of the post here on romance are seriously annoying and doesn't portray reasoning and maturity. I decided to start visiting romance section lately, but all I saw here is just sex n sex n sex post without moral lesson to learn.

God help us

You need to start believing in yourself and always see success at whatever you embark on, you still need to google and search materials on conquering fear. Nobody will help you except you are determined

If your boss trust you and he is very mature, you can find a way to tell him before the lady implicate you. Never take her serious n do not do anything with her, respect and honour your boss. For the older women coming around you, there is something unique (spiritual) about you and you have to be careful not to allow women exchange(trade) the uniqueness.......be very careful with women, they are dangerous (remember Samson in d Bible)

Bigdre31:
thanks for the cheers , & pardon my typos too,
I did save , but 2016 ,i bought a property (6 plot) wich I used 3 years to complete the payment , i also started a building 4block of 2bed room flats in another location wich is far from completion too , most of my money went there too ,not forgetting I spent so much on my Msc too wich I had to repay over some time ...

Great achievement there bro.
Lesson to learn;
Don't ever put your monies on liabilities while struggling to reach your permanent site in life, the first thing to look after is either save or invest in something that will always yield returns. We need to always think of loosing our job one day n such thoughts will propel us towards alternatives. This your stories had happened to many people n it is been tough for them to rise or if they manage to rise, they don't make it has suppose again.
God will restore you brother.

how long have you been saving to make 500k and the next thing is buying car............you dont think of expanding your source of income first.......you dont think your 9-5 can end any day......
my advice;
sit down and think of saving more while you are looking for a good business.( car is not an asset but liability; it will add to your expenses)

it depends...........you might need car first in order to push your business or hustle to generate more money..............but if you are doing a job that does not require car, you can go for house first( mind you, house is not an asset but liability; you can always use your car to make money any time )

Lilbest3:
The foolishness here is really impressive.
There is no way a legit boy can date a girl who dated a yahoo boy.
You don chop?
You are using infinix your babe is using iPhone xs max and planning to upgrade to 11 pro Max na BP go kill you Las las
That's what he's actually talking about not this rubbish ritual you people are yapping about

i caught this before my post......he is actually talking about the frustration the girl will put you cus her taste go don high, she will nearly demand heaven from you and if care is not taken, she can ruin you as a guy that is just coming up n hustling legit

chairman, relationship is good with the right person. i will advice you calm down before the girl start playing with your emotions. you can still take your time to know her but draw back a bit and relax your nerves( i dont want to jump into conclusion that she is not really into the relationship bcus people respond and react differently in relationships)

you guys are not a kid anymore at 30 and 27. the problem with all this i dont want to disappoint my parents, i cant not face the shame is lack of knowing who you are and what you want in life. we have to realise that we are not living to please anybody including our parents. your parents, your friends or whoever she felt will be disappointed are not going to be part of your family when you guys finally married and the earlier you guys realise that you are the decision maker of your life the better. our parents are just our convener and guide at when we need, they are not to decide for us especially when we grow and can take decision.
my advice;
1) You have to be a man, sit her down and the two of you should talk more of how to build future together, assure her of your plans and how you will stand by her, give her reasons and show her that you are not been selfish.....it is definitely for the benefit of the two of you. you dont need to run to her parents or your parents now......after you guys must have had robust conversations and agreed to leave the pregnancy, the two of you can plan on how to disclose it to anybody including parents...........the two of you should decide first

2) Peradventure she disagree to leave the pregnancy, let her know during your discussion that you are not in support of abortion and tell her that you will make that known to her parents..........you can then arrange meeting with her parents her let them know about it, explain your plans to them on how you planned to stand by her n do all necessary to marry her, listen to them n hear them out, be calm n cool in all the process and dont allow pride.
3) Accept whatever decision after with faith. Be humble while addressing the situation both with your fiance and also the parents. (both of u you are ripe for marriage financially and agewise)
God knows more than us and he has plans for whatever happening around us.

My CENT......God will help you

Martinez39s:
Why are today's men so spineless and incredibly stupid? Even a man with Down Syndrome would know why your wife sends your maid away during her travels. To future buttress my point that you are spineless, consider that you are the one paying the housemaid's salary (which means you are the one who is supreme in determining if she goes to her family's place or not, not your wife), and your wife doesn't leave any alternative to your house maid when travelling. Nothing stops you, as the man of the house, from standing your ground and giving your wife the following options:
(1) She accepts the housemaid stays while she travels,
(2) She provides another alternative to the housemaid to help you out while she (your wife) is away, or
(3) She pays you to compensate for the absence of a housemaid during her travel.

How can your wife have the final authority on the housemaid you are paying for in your own house? What nonsense! What a spineless man! To make it worse, your wife provided no alternative leaving you to stress yourself and hopelessly grumble while she is away. How selfish of her? Instead of you to do something about it, you are complaining and grumbling like a weak child. Where is your spine?

Gerarahia mehn

I can't imagine the responses I was seeing. It is a total rubbish for his wife to try such, but I blame the man who can't control his wife. Your wife is the one dictating how your home is run.

The man agreed to allow your kids at first to achieve his selfishness, he accepted the offer because you are reasonably doing well financially and he needs such a man possibly because he cant fully bear whole family burden. He wouldn't have propose marriage suppose you are not doing well financially. It takes extra grace for man to assume someone else responsibility especially when the owner(ex-husban) is alive.

My advice;
1) Do not bring the boy home by force because the boy will face the same thing he is facing right now from man(he wouldn't love him n he will maltreat him at any chance). If he doesn't send you out, the home will not be perfect anymore because you have disobeyed him and took action by yourself.

2) Talk to him humbly(stupid all this I foot 70% while addressing your man) by making him realise that the boy is your joy and he can alone make you happy by allowing the boy..... Please with him
3) If you have done the above and the man insist, you can suggest to him separation, tell him you want your son and since he disagree, you need alternative. The two of you can talk on how to achieve that, either you have a separate place where he will be visiting or full separation.


The matter require diplomacy and not force.

I wish you the best

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McCoy662:
Not free, I still do one or two things for her, but even if it's free, I don't just want a fvck mate. I need a life partner. Love is wicked shaa... But I will move on. Thanks to you all

I can see, you need a life partner n this girl has taken the place in your heart and she is not playing the role.
Advice;
No matter how u may try to make her play the role, she is wrong choice already. Find a way to get her off your mind and environment cus as long as you continue seeing her, u wouldn't be serious to get someone else and being with her is a disaster for you cus she will not play the role you expect. Let her go n free yourself of imagining why she took that step. That is human, it is not peculiar to gender.... D person we love don't love us n d person we hate loves us. Move on brother

I think media people are not suppose to be granting this guy interview again because we are know where he belongs n what he will dished out. Why giving citizens rubbish information all the time.

FrLukas:
What next ke?

So you mean you spent 5 years in school without a plan of what next?

Well, NYSC next.

And pray you get good placement.

That is what nearly everybody ended up with from our unguarded school setting that does not encourage us to think outside grade during our days in school. It takes successful parents to guide their children while in school.
God help us all.

The real race is about to begin. School is good, but you need real life practical n experience to make best of it. Be full of life n energies, be ready to sweat, be ready to have some sleepless night, be ready to always have deep thought on path to go, be ready to be a loner most of time to be able to talk to yourself n know where to go from here, be ready start cutting down on unnecessary expenses,be ready to read good books. I said all this because it is not always easy to quickly identify path to go, but with some of what I mentioned, you can get yourself aligned.
I studied mechanical engineering too but I am in business line now, I am even going through my MBA right now. Just be success determined.
Best of God

budaatum:
Women do take on quite a lot of financial responsibility actually.

In the old days it was the woman who ensured there was food on the table while we were waiting for father's yams to grow. It was the woman who made palm oil to sell from the few trees on the farm. It was the woman who sold the eyins and the akuros. It was the womsn who collected the fire wood too. And it was the woman you likely went crying to when you could not get any money from your pa.

But because she does not boast about it, you are here belittling the contribution of the woman to a family as if you did not see mother contributing in your home!

I forgive you!

I accepted and I am not here to belittle women's contribution in a relationship, but our society never come to the full understanding of co-contributions at home. It takes real women to fully subscribe to that. Some women adjusted over time while some grew to see that, but majority believes it is man's duty.

PrimadonnaO:
Placating us, abi?

Not at all my dear. It takes some times before a Nigeria woman adjust on financial issues at home and men must realise that to reduce misunderstanding during those times.

I have seen quite a lot of interesting topics here on nairaland this fresh year that we just spent 48 days out of 365 days. I can confess that they are all quite interesting and educative.

I will love to share little light on the issue of responsibilities in family or relationship as regards NIGERIA . Please, let your understanding of the message have a NIGERIA scope, because I understand that a lot of us are wise now and we are already moving away from traditions and cultures.

When it comes to responsibilities between couples, intending couples and other relationships that involves man and woman, the man must understand that every financial part of it is for him. There is no where in Nigeria culture or tradition where woman takes care of the financial part no matter how buoyant she is at the time of the need.
Every man must have this understanding before they involve in any relationship in order to save them of heartbreak or disappointment from their partners because without such understanding, a man will be disappointed and get paralysed when he discovered millions in his partner account or purse when they are in need of just 100k and the woman did not bring out the money.
Men needs to understand that our women are not wired to spend from their own income, but they can buy heaven with someone else money (I am not criticising women here, I was only saying fact)

HOW TO HANDLE FINANCE WITH WOMAN
Firstly, you have to agree with the above fact.
There are practical ways to cheat woman without fight or argument and it is not making her feel like it is her responsibility. Never show her that you feel that it is her responsibility to partake in whatever you guys intend to finance. The best way is to tell her that you do not have or you are not capable of doing it alone at the moment and you will need her assistance. Let her feel that she is assisting you and not that it is her responsibility. The two of you will need to evaluate the need and agree on the sharing ratio; how much you expect from her as per support (not her duty).
You must make it clear as early as possible because it will take sometimes for her to adjust her believe system to the new reality(e.g wedding plans, you need to start discussing that immediately you agreed to marry each other n not when it is almost few weeks).

Men, we do not have to criticise our women in this regards, it is how they are been wired, either by upbringing or environmental factors. We only need to ask for wisdom to handle the reality.

Secondly, our men should not be seeing themselves as CEO who sits and watch their staffs doing all. We have to start assisting in domestic activities and also allow their opinions in all affairs ( not a must to apply opinion)

Women!!!!! Please, let us start reducing the believes and start seeing the responsibilities as a joint task.

Happy homes and relationships

uruba23:
OP all this should have been sorted out before you choose a date for the wedding. It is like you are putting her on the spot. You assume she is earning 200k what if she is servicing a debt of 150k monthly...Just go and apologize to her make your traditional wedding way you do no waste .

This is where the problem comes from. You should have trash this long ago. Suppose you had raised this issue before now, you guys will have enough time to discuss it and agree on either 50-50 or 60-40. I do not see issue asking your woman to contribute on wedding that is for both of you, but it is not in their nature to spend their money. It takes some time to convince them. You shown her that you were capable during the traditional and she is not prepared for any contribution, so it shocks her when you came up with the idea suddenly. You would have let her know long ago that you will take care of traditional, but you will need her help during white wedding then you guys can sit and formulate how you will share the bill.
I pity you my brother, and the reason is because from my observation, you never deal with woman well before now on the area of money and it will break your heart many time when you get married because the woman you are sleeping with everyday will hide her millions when you are in dare need of just 100k. They are not wired to spend their money(maybe naija ladies) but they can spend the whole world when it is someone else money.
Just find a way to engage her genuinely, do not force her and if she didn't see your point, go ahead with what you have and learn from it because you will see plenty in marriage.

Belafonte:
Olden days wives didn’t work, they were submissive and their husbands were expected to cater to their needs.

Modern wives need not be submissive and they should be able to cater to their own needs.

What exactly should I be delivered from? Common sense?

Who tells you olden days wife don't work. My mum works and I know of many mother that works and still submit. I am not here to argue, but to only discredit your statement... It lacks fact.
Thanks

stupidity:
I nor go enter

If e wan happen naw, only me go just die like that

No be only you come this world the time were born.

Nairalanders are great people and they have all answer your question in different ways with their emotions and believes especially the ladies by doing all to support your wife because she belongs to their sex.
Firstly, you are the GM of the family and any mistakes made must be accountable by you. It is not bad for you to check every activities in your home either you are the one bringing the money or your wife, but my submission is whatever you resolve to must be agreed and totally accepted by both of you. Happiness is the key in life and nobody should be deprived of that especially an hard work fellow. I will want you to be more concern of your immediate family first before extended; if you can afford two cards go ahead and buy and forget what people will feel or think, it is your money n not theirs. For me, I can go to any length for a supportive wife. Just evaluate very well n neglect what extended family will feel.
If you have business you are looking towards, the two of you can sit down and plan towards it, the two of you can even forgone buying the cars now self. It all takes mature mind and deep conversations. We all love you and envy your marriage and we wish you greater future.