₦airaland Forum

Ricchcream:
Wise words, but she is going there to study, remember?

Also, It's not easy wriggling out of the grasp of someone that holds the key to one's heart. She knows she's being exploited, but she can't help herself.

Creating physical distance would help, otherwise, the man would keep coming in the guise of wanting to see his child.

Sir, leave that study gimmick of a thing alone, I am in one of European countries running my masters currently, there is nothing special, we should not be deceived. I am giving that advice cus she already find a part ( she is doing business and she is doing well in it) n nobody will handle your thing like you will do.

For your second n third paragraph, that is why I said she should open up to parents n stop hiding what is not, they will guide n help her weakness.

She should be critical in her decision and not allow second mistake

People don't take time to read and digest Prof. point of view, he never disagree with lockdown but he was trying to address the process before successors will take it as yardstick for future event without proper conduct. What an elder sees sitting, kids will not see on 30 story building.

Your ordeal came from your lifestyle (introvert) and the guy took the advantage. Well, your story is not bad dear cus God has shown you kindness by blessing your hustle.
My advice;
Go through this thread and read the response of those that advised you to rethink about travelling out. My dear, the grass is not always green at the other side, do not see travelling out as escape option( what is it in the masters you want to do that is special when you are doing well in business already). Please, face your business and expand; probably add other things to grow big, think of becoming a big employer of labour, becoming big in business is not for man alone.
Be mature to sit the guy down and have real conversation with him to know where he belongs and if he is still not ready to do the right thing, be bold to cut all tides with him and face your life, a real man is coming your way, it is just one kid people with two kids get suitors. Pick up yourself n be courageous n face the reality of life. Do not run from your problem because this your problem I am seeing will making you big time, don't run to any Canada. Please, summon courage and open up to your parents after you must have had a reasonable conversation with him. You are 33, desist from babyish attitude of I don't want to disappoint my parents or my friends, no serious parents will abandon you in this mess, maybe you would have even find way out suppose you expose yourself to them long ago self. You are a glorious child, don't spoil the show.... Folorunsho Alakija does not have two heads

I am not a saint, but why is relationship all about sex n sex n sex alone...... This sound as if the guy is all about sex cus I can't imagine calling her to come over primarily for sex..... There many other things to call her over for which peradventure might lead her to willingly submit for sex.

If she is ready, tell her to summon courage and get rid of it once, she will not die, it is a pain of everlasting joy.

baralatie:
my advice is to the lady.the earlier she let's you go the better for her mental health.I don't see a remorse problem on your side .on your side is are serious issues that are fuelling your highly developed anger defense system.
and the best person I can call is @adexpa.
the lady Berra run

Lol. Did you call me out base on my previous post on self esteem?

He has anger problem which is a product of low self esteem which probably originated from his upbringing or environment.
The anger problem is a weakness he needs to sit down and deal with cus that will still generate another issue in the nearest future.

My advice for him is to allow the lady heal from the harsh words he said to her by letting her be for now instead of disturbing her with unnecessary plead, letting her be will give her room to think and decide if she will carry on with the relationship rather than forcing her with plead . He will also do himself good by taking it off his mind and face some other things since he has apologize and free his mind.

One of our biggest responsibilities is to take time to identify our weaknesses in order to manage them to a bearable level. There can never be harmonious relationship with terrible behaviours.

@baralatie, we can not continue advising people to leave at every provocation, because the next person he/she will meet is not going to be jesus, so the person will have his/her weakness too. We only have to be sensitive of unbearable situations.

It is actually for fashion in those days, but there are more to it this days. Many still use it for fashion, but we have some that use it for selfish reason. It get men arose touching it or seeing it n it is mostly covered with clothes, only their partners gets to see it( those days)

Since the advice is expected from Bible angle n view,

Luke 16 vs 18
Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

Jesus rejected it during his admonitions

He should sit down and find ways to talk to his wife; he should tell her things he is not happy about her attitude and they should find solutions to it

Op, your worry is good and necessary. I can see that you don't want to take any step that will lead to regret in future.

You have to answer the following questions;
1) Has the guy ever talk about settling down and what are the measures he put in place to achieve that
2) Are you ready to continue paying the rent as many years as possible (until God answer his prayer)
3) can you bear sharing responsibility with you taking the larger share.
(we all wish to be successful but not all will be and we do not know when it will be for those that will be successful)
The whole thing look like you are ripe for marriage, but your man is not. If you guys are not planning to marry now, I will advice you to give him few times to see how things on fold, there is no need rushing a new apartment if you are not planning to settle now before you push him to what he wouldn't be able to carry on later . It is not good to start marriage with the hope of it will be better, at least there must have been evidence. There should be work the guy is doing that needs support or will grow over time, but if it is a guy that is just hustling with no specific work that will get better over time, I will advice you to step back and look for a guy that is ready. It is not about supporting him now but how will it be later on.
Though, there can be exception occasionally, but man is expected to take lead mostly.

lefulefu:
dont get u.so if my wife tries to murder me and i break up with her so its because of low self esteem?

Your wife can not just wake up one day and decided to murder you( God forbid), there must have been series of issues over time and those issues are what the topic is addressing as low self esteem. Low self esteem is very broad, it brings about unnecessary ego in a man, it brings about unnecessary hatred and jealousy in man/woman, it brings about insecurity in man/woman and many more ........all these issues are what leads to misunderstanding and fights in many relationships/marriages/friendships. If we can take our time to identify our worth and value and we are busy making impact with them, you will be less concern about minor issues, Respect is won and not fight for, if you know your worth as a man, your home/friends/relatives will respect you.

Shugavee:
Didn’t really get ur point ,,, cause there are slot of men n ladies in healthy relationships who fight with low self esteem. But ur views r not bad tho

I got your point. They are battling with low self esteem because they never took time to identify their weaknesses and strengths. People fight low self esteem because they dwell much on their weaknesses and neglect their strengths. identify your weaknesses and manage them because you are not likely going to overcome them, but identify your strengths and dwell more on them buy improving on them through whatever available channels of information at your disposal; only your strengths can give you joy and increase your self esteem........................................i tried to broaden the topic by making it lifes/marriages/relationship thread

Africaman:
Hi,

Breaking it down, 'Iyunloye' means:

Iyun = A type of beads in Yorubaland
ni = is
Oye = Chieftaincy

Thus, 'Iyun beads are as valuable/worthy as a chieftaincy title'.

This is similar to the name 'Segilola', where 'Segi' is another type of Yoruba beads,

Segi = Another type of beads in Yorubaland.
ni = is
Ola = Wealth

That name means 'Segi beads are wealth'.

Hope this helps.

ciao

Good day sir, I commend ur work on the translation, but I stand to be corrected,

Iyun is not a type of BEAD, Iyun is bead in Yoruba land.
iyunloye means bead is chieftaincy. they are trying to say with beads you identify chiefs. not just anybody wears bead in yoruba land in those days

On the issue of Ola; Ola, oro, Ogo, asiki are all synonymous to wealth in Yoruba land And it does not mean having money but properties and influence

When we are to talk of rich..... Olowo, when some one is well to do, he is called OLOWO
Olowo ati Oloro are commonly use for the rich n the wealthy, there more yoruba words for wealthy which are oro,ola,ogo, asiki......

Iyunola is from the full name iyunlola that is bead is wealth. They identify wealthy people with bead in those days because they easily give them titles n title always come with bead.

I stand to be corrected

Magnoliaa:
And it's you again. lol

Do something about it then

coolestofall:
On point. Preach on pastor

Pastor ke. We all know the truth, though many girls out there change men's perspectives already but we still have some that never loose their dignity.

I did not know that a post like this is already here before i composed mine. God will help us op. I think the believe of people here is base on their experiences with our women. The issue of low self esteem cut across, both women and men are suffering from it. Africa women prioritize money in relationship because they lack the understanding that they can also make the money, they go into relationship with the believe system that the man will always foot their bills. God will help us

baralatie:
that the woman is the one bringing money into the relationship does not solve or eliminate the effect of money in the relationship as the role change of man in charge to woman in charge introduces the problem of cultural shock which supercedes esteem.
likewise the concept of male self worth is determined by culture dynamics at work with supercedes esteem.

Self value and worth supercedes all this your cultural shock of a thing..................If you really know your worth, you will be more concern about your value that can bring back your source of income order than focusing on who is providing for the family at such moment.............your value will demoralize your ego and make you understand the strength of your woman in providing for home too and you will not feel threatened about it.
I think you need to check Signs of Healthy Self-Esteem i wrote up there, number 5 precisely will answer this your thought.

I think we all have to identify the primary aim of relationship for both male and female. This very post shows that many people(male/female) goes into relationship primarily for assistance which is majorly monetary, i am aware it is more from female but some male do too. The primary aim of relationship as per my understanding is to know each other; to know ur partners behaviors and see our it flows with urs before deciding on the next face of life. I am not disputing the place of assistance of whatever form, but i think that should be secondary. may God help us

baralatie:
In a woman's eye how does self esteem solve the problem of money in a relationship and in a man's eye how does self esteem solve the problem of keeping competition away from looking at his partners eexy back and boobs

It is a weakness for women to see money as priority in Relationship and it is a weakness for a man to be bothered about someone looking at his woman.
The two are product of low self esteem. If a woman can identify the part of herself that can make money too, she will not prioritize money in relationship; it is because many of them rely on their weaknesses that they can not make money as men do.
As for men who feel threatened when people look at their women, if a man knows his worth and value, he will not be disturbed by anyone looking at his wife. they are all product of low self esteem.

Good day NLers, hope we are all doing well and acting safe in this tough(covid19) season. I pray God (Allah) keep us all.
This topic dropped in my mind and i feel like sharing my thought about it. Contributions, Subtraction and reasonable Criticisms are all welcome.

Self esteem is a big thing that individual needs to be watchful of in our engagements and endeavors. Bad self esteem kills homes, careers, and relationships.

Definition;
Self-esteem is used to describe a person's overall sense of self-worth or person. It can sometimes seen as self-worth or self-respect.

Signs of Healthy Self-Esteem;
Confidence
Ability to say no
Positive outlook
Ability to see overall strengths and weaknesses and accept them
Negative experiences don't impact overall perspective
Ability to express your needs

Signs of Low Self-Esteem;
Negative outlook
Lack of confidence
Inability to express your needs
Focus on your weaknesses
Excessive feelings of shame, depression, or anxiety
Belief that others are better than you
Trouble accepting positive feedback
Intense fear of failure

Factors That Influence Self-Esteem
There are different factors that can influence self-esteem, but it is often our experiences that form the basis for overall self-esteem e.g critical or negative assessments from caregivers, family members, and friends, inner thinking, age, any potential illnesses, disabilities, or physical limitations, and your job can affect your self-esteem.

How does it play out in our lifes/homes/relationships
Many people today are running away from their weaknesses instead of embracing and accepting them, and that has informed different decisions and steps we made in our lifes/relationships/marriages. Many people goes into a relationship/marriage just to boost their self esteem, some men/women are not brilliant or good enough in some areas but instead of accepting their weaknesses, they will tend to look for someone to cover-up, some men married pretty women just to cover-up one bad side of their life and tend to show the world(friends) that they are good and perfect in all area. some women/men decided to go for rich men/women just to cover one weak part of their life. some men goes for low class women in order to have say on every issues in their home and that will help them boost their ego; they believed by controlling their wife, they can gain their full potential or respect. some people tend to go for big cars, expensive clothes and different material things just to cover-up their weaknesses.

There are many different things we go for in life just to cover-up our weaknesses, but all these thing never played the role we employed or bought them for all the time and we are always left devastated and rejected at any point those things failed us. We can not run from the reality of who we are.

How we showcase our low self esteem;
1) When a man feel threatened when his wife is excelling and doing great in her career/businesses.
2) When a man feel threatened/insecure when he sees his wife talking to another man.
3) when a woman feel threatened/insecure when she sees her husband talking to another woman.
4) When a man feel threatened/insecure when his wife raises objection on issues at home.
5) When man/woman feel threatened when his/her friend is doing well in his/her career/businesses.
and many more.................................

how do we handle self esteem for a better lifes/homes/relationships
Since we all know that low self esteem is as a result of weaknesses inherent in us, we have to accept the fact that we can not erase low self but we can increase high self esteem to lower low self esteem to the bearable level by reducing our attention towards our weaknesses and focus more on our strengths. We need to evaluate and examine ourselves in order to know our weaknesses and strengths and therefore do little we can do to manage our weaknesses but focus more on our strengths.

what are we to do
1) Identify your strengths and focus more on it by improving and get better on it.
2) identify your weaknesses and do little to manage it because you might not be able to erase it.
3) Keep upgrading and updating yourself both on your weaknesses and your strengths, but more focus on your strengths.

By identifying and accepting who we are, and ready to work on both our weaknesses and strengths, we tend not to involve in relationship/marriage in order to cover-up our weaknesses but to be a better person. If we accept out true colour, we will embrace and celebrate our partners for the grace( their strengths) up their lives and not been threatened/insecure anytime they exhibit their strengths.

Great Nairalanders,
Great Homes
Great LIfes
Great Relationships.

No one can analyse the statement right except her. Do not take any advice too serious.
You should know her better n know how things has been between the two of you, that statement is not harsh to me, we have some people that are not do or die In spirit (we must marry)

fattprince:
Thanks man. It's over 15 years now so I'm trying to recover.

Lago melo(at what time) ....15yrs, you are still trying. God will hill you...

God has helped him solve his problem, he has been running from responsibilities before now n God has arrested him. He should do the needful and meet those needed to meet. His parents should have got him Dangote daughter all this while now (I don't understand his parents don't like his fiance palava)

Sincerely, we are good together if we have the same purpose and vision. A purpose driven relationship is like a place to be all the time for both parties. Man is good for woman n woman is good for man, but there must be purpose to enjoy the relationship.
All op said about women is true. They are loving and good to be with. May God give us the right man n woman.

It is easy for Mechanical to move round all this courses(Material science, mechatronics, metallurgy, automobile......) cus they are all Mech subset, but I don't think it will be easy for you to go to mechanical/electronic cus things get narrow down as you go up....... You can do more search

yusman14:
what is your overall CGPA?

See 500 level
All I posted are CGPAs at every level

Her parents are getting things wrong, education is forever and marriage can't hinder it.
My advice;
Talk to them again that you love her and assure them that you will allow her further her education later. Do not give room to pity begging, they can't hold you down, since it is graduate they want, they have to let you go and stop pleading you cus they av their right to withhold their daughter while you have your right to move on. Many great people(billgate,einsten....) dropped out of school n they are making waves in their respective fields.... We tend to think that education is only gotten in school. If they refuse and you are able to get another reasonable n ready lady, move on brother...... Be spiritual cautious though.
Best of God

Bobo, you can still make 2.1, do not give up.
I studied mechanical engineering n i would av love to send you my transcript for prove, but I can't do that.... Below is my cgpa;
100..........3.3
200..........3.1
300..........3.31
400..........3.41
500..........3.61
Though, dedication n determination.
I could tell you that affirmatively because we have many related courses n most of the courses you are complaining of are either MEE or EEE which I fully partook.

Lol, it happens. I suggest you get his number and say hi to him through message.......just ask him how he is doing and coping during this covid19 n let him know you just decided to hear from him. You can see his response n i think that will guide your next step

Our wife to be...... Best of God

It is good to disagree and finally agree on issues in any relationship, but no matter the disagreement you guys must still find a way to agree cus there lies joy n fun. For no reasonable reason you have developed interest in having your bestie has your maid of honour which is not a bad feelings to me ,but since you have spent reasonable time to relate with your guy on it n he is rejecting it, you have to drop the idea too since there is no special thing about it. Your immature bestie that wants honour should continue to be looking for honour.......maid of honour is now a compensation of his good friendship. You have to be careful with d sense of "I must have my say too in every conversation " I don't not dispute it but you have to lower it, relationship is not a place for competition, there my be room for peace.
Well done

There should be decency to everything, no reasonable man will like a lady that will always spend on things that will not bring return all time, party type ladies also have tendency of attracting many friends(male n female) which might be bad for a decent home.

on either she will change or not........change is a product of self decision and discovery, if individual do not see a need to change, no one can change her and every efforts from the partner will be bouncing back as frustration.