₦airaland Forum

I am assuming the virgin is the wife because it can be easily proven.

If the husband married the wife JUST because she is a virgin and it is spelt out:

Finding out the wife is not is marriage under false pretenses.

Is it grounds for divorce, I do not think so as the marriage has been consummated (they have had sex) and the wife did not cheat.

My wonder:
1. Why would a wife lie to a man she wants to marry/sleep with about her virginity?
2. What man marrys a woman just because she is a virgin?

5minsmadness:
Simple logic for those who want to see it.

You know this your thread is/was really for men especially Nigerian?

Often times, women 'forgive' cheating husbands.

5minsmadness:
Noted. As we get older and wiser/more experienced we see that everything isn't simple black and white.

Are you still alive?!

Happy new years.

crackkhaus:
That view of mine is the reality of the country you live in, whether you like to admit it or not.
I don't exist on a fantasy alternate reality.

Watching Hollywood movies and trying to act western should not automatically change how you perceive the world around you.

The best you can do is hope that you find someone who has the exact kind of western-based ideology that you do...and then hope to God that all his friends and family around him are also like him, or else they will be able to make him think/act like them and you'll be back facing the same unhealthy patriarchy inside your own marriage.

@bold:

Thank God you know it's unhealthy.

lukeb0067:
To many persons it's not a big deal. that's what I thought at first . But having two separate family who take you as their child Except that individual doesn't have a conscience. As each day passes I'm scared they already found out. I said things about my uncle's wife just to accept sympathy and get more money.

So you couldn't lie that they told you to buy science and art?

You had to smear your aunt's reputation in the mud to beg?

Signs.

As you spoilt your aunt with your mouth, redeem her image with your mouth also.

While at it, Apologise to your aunt and appreciate all she has done.

lukeb0067:
good day nairalanders I just created this new account to conceal my identity.

I have this issue bothering me for years now and I'm beginning to slip into depression.

My parents passed on when I was very young so I moved in with my uncle (a civil servant). The wife works and also has a big business. When my uncle retired, the wife was saddled with responsibility of providing for the family.

At some point I dropped out of school because the wife is somewhat frugal. A family friend wanted to sponsor my education then but my uncle's wife refused, it was then I went back to school.

I later found out she went about telling everyone that cares to listen how she's been providing everything for me.

After my waec I assisted in her business for 3 years, no plan of furthering my education. I got angry and went to that family, explained everything to them , they were moved and agreed to sponsor my education.

I got so close to that family, my uncle's wife got angry and said she doesn't like them I should stop going there that I might not understand but she's an adult and knows what she's talking about.
I wrote jamb, got admitted into the University, it was time for clearance I told my uncle's wife and after much complaints she finally gave me
Fifty thousand naira .

That would barely be enough so ,I went to that family and informed them about my admission, they were excited and gave me money for the clearance and accommodation.

While in school they gave me everything. My uncle's wife usually send six thousand naira per month so I was collecting the money and receiving good money from that family. They don't have a male child so they took my like a son.

I left the University two years ago and this family wants me to pursue my masters .
They want the best for me and it hurts me so much because I know they would find out either ways and how disappointed they really going to be. While my uncle's wife felt she sponsored my education.

I ve come to realize that they don't owe me anything and I really do appreciate my uncle's wife I was young and naive then, I'm really confused I don't know if to let them know or forget about the masters and move on with my life whilst keeping a low profile. I can't even call or take their calls right now.

How did you play two sides?

Did you lie to your family friend that your aunt wasn't doing anything at all?

And who don't you owe anything?

Whyzaid:
How can a cheating spouse make one happy

In Nigerian marriages, it works somehow.

And it is one way By The Way

1StopRudeness:
I’m not getting how you are able to use being cheated on and being happy in the same sentence ..do u enjoy being cheated on??

And u have another that’s delusional and causes u pain and assaults u but he’s faithful....I’m not getting, do u have two husbands??

I wish I could do GIFs.

That Didier Drogba's one would have fit the occasion.

Is OP married to two husbands?

healthserve:
You don't get the point. How would you know the one you're treating with all the niceties in the world today won't transform into a monster tomorrow is the point.

Often times,

There are markers of people's behavior.

For instance, if someone is a bully or timid, you know they have low self esteem.

It is in your interest to help them boost their self esteem and/or research on the personality traits of low Esteemed people and see if you can deal.

If a person believes in traditional roles, you find out the likely expectations and roles and see if they align with your own vision of marriage.

Etc. Etc.

healthserve:
Please be careful about all these treat a woman like a queen. 80% of times its perceived differently by the other party albeit received as weakness and low self esteem. For me, I've reworked my model and advice men to do same which is to treat a wife same level same way she treats a man.. This gives access to recall recoil and remove in the event of drama that arises from too much accessibility and familiarity



It's not always how the woman is treated. It's how she interprets the gestures extended to her. Some people are toxic and don't deserve goodness. Trust me. From my little days in life. I've come to understand why some people are gifted toxic partners. If they had peaceful ones, they'll kill them, snuff the life out of them

Very true.

But again, why would a man marry a toxic woman?

Anybody that doesn't give me peace is out of the window fast.

I don't have the energy or patience for drama or as it said in pidgin 'dem say, dem say'.

Millenniumlady:
If you can't come home early don't get married at all

Hahahahahahahaha!

Such jokes this tiring Monday morning.

How old are you?

10?

Funny thread.

Goodluck OP.

abumeinben:
Sad. So sad.

To think she got no family of her own is sadder

She has left a lasting legacy.

It is people who live wayward lives without pursuing a cause greater than themselves that lose it all.

Kiezodumah:
Despite the high demands for those food commodities,groceries etc the prices were never skyrocketed. Here in Nigeria,
as common as hand sanitizer that used to sell for as low as #500-700 was suddenly increased to #20-25k .
I wudnt call it poverty, its more like Overt wickedness and absolute greed. Not even considering the inability of those who can't afford it @ that ridiculous price in the country.
Its a picture of who are are as a people and what we wud do if @ all we get to a position of governance.. If we want to effect change @ the top,then we must also change @ the base .

100%

The average Nigerian is inherently wicked!

afasayuti:
21 Options For a Young Beautiful lady Who Wants to Change Her Religion.

Any persons young, old, male or female need to consider the following options for the best choice:

(1) a religion with One God, or another with "3 gods."

(2) a religion with Uncreated God, or another with created "god"

(3) a religion with 1+0+0 = 1 only, or a religion with 1+1+1=3 and = 1.

(4) a religion with ever living God, or one with a "god" that died for 3 days"

(5) a religion with a God who created the earth, the sun, the sky, the mars, and everythings else, or the religion with a "god" who cannot create anything by himself.

(6) a religion whose God is not borned, or a religion with a "god" borned by a mother and with an adopted father.

(7) a religion with the worship of Only One true God by bowing, prostrating, thanking, glorifying, and praising Him, or the religion that worship its "god" by dancing, singing, drumming and clapping.

( a religion that only allow its followers to appear with chastity and to dress modestly, or the religion that allows its people to wear anything they like.

(9) a religion that emphasises cleanliness by ritual purification of a complete bath (after *** ) and ablution after visiting the toilet and before prayers, or a religion that "worship" may be done with urine, excreta and sp**m on the body and cloth.

(10) a religion that will shake if only one of its true scholars is to be accused of an adultery, or a religion that does not shake even after thousands of its high ranking scholars have been accused of uncountable number of se**ual abuses.

(11) a religion that is based on reasoning and understanding, or a religion that it's most important teachings could not be reasoned or understood by ordinary people.

(12) a religion that emphasizes belief in One God (our only creator and sustainer) and faith in His prophets, obedience to the commandments of God, good deeds and avoiding all evils to enter paradise, or a religion which says just belief in so so person as "lord and saviour" to enter paradise.

(13) a religion that teaches both accountability, mercy and forgiveness from God for our deeds, or the one that says silently: " do as you like, all your sins has been washed away".

(14) a religion that many embraced after studying its teachings and values, or a religion that is being accepted due to people's ignorance and poverty.

(15) a religion whose poor leaders give to the poorer ones, or a religion whose richest ones are their leaders who even tell their very poor followers to bring the little they earn.

(16) a religion whose leaders and follower have equal opportunities before God, or a religion of social, economic and religoous hirachy.

(17) a religion whose leaders and followers are materially equal, or a religion which only its leaders could buy 1 or 2 or 3 or 4 private jets per a person while billions of its members cannot buy a bicycle.

(18) a religion which emphasize prayers, offerings and fasting to God for His blessings and for solving any problem, or a religion that thousands of its leaders approach magicians to do their so called miracles.

(19) a religion whose greatest leader is described by its Holy book as blessing to the whole word and bringer of good news, or a religion whose greatest leader described himself as one who does not bring peace but swords and separation between parents and their children.

(20) a religion which obey God and His prophets in all matters, or a religion that does not obey even its first and most impirtant commandment as repeated in its book.

(21) a religion that completely follow its divine books, or a religion that watered down and explain away its teachings that appeared 77 times, 50 times and 45 times in its book.

May the Merciful God give each person the guidance and wisdom to make the right choice, and save us from any programmed brain. Ameen.

Is this a lame attempt to compare Christianity with Islam?

The first step is to understand my friend.

unmask:
lol....about mothers - are you sure that is not just a "mother thing"

You would not see a happily married woman leave her husband to globetrot.

unmask:
Mskes sense... Spending so much time with someone that work has helped you evade will surely lead to problems

True.

Very true.

Nigerian coupled solve theirs by the mother jumping about once the kids are married.

Again, when people are faced with death, they begin to examine their situation and seek to live life to the fullest.

Tallesty1:
What did I miss?

The OP is even a new moniker.

Blackmiserable:
@victorian is fake as Bleep. Bukatyne too.

Don't tell me my moniker is part of your misery?

@OP: herd mentality. Every guy must see things same way; same ladies to authenticate themselves.

Undissputed:
You get the point.

Maybe you start by changing your topic if you want more engagement.

Undissputed:
That can happen, yes. But that will be an abnormally since she can't be courting more than one person at a time. My point is, as long as parents are involved, the relationship becomes an accountable one.

I very well agree with you as regards accountability in a relationship: sexual or not.

It keeps the guy and lady sane and grounded.

They might necessarily not be accountable to their parents. They can be accountable to older siblings.

Kudos to them.

RisenPhoenix:
Not anymore. I now follow the rules. Each has his/her role. It happened once. Never again.



They may not be, but their jobs are usually more dispensabke/flexible. If a man comes to tell me that he wants a day off to look after a sick child, I will just be looking like "why? Where is your wife?".

@bold:

How sad.

funmisticqueen2:
Back in the day when I used to date, my ex came to my house straight from the hospital looking really depressed. He said all the male patients he attended to had their female relative taking care of them. Could be their wife, mother, sister, daughter or inlaw. Whereas all the female patients had not one single male relative.

He said there were elderly patients who had been at the hospital for months and for one day, their sons never visited. Their daughters would raise money and still alternate the nursing duties.

Daughter one will stay one month. Daughter 2 will stay the next. Daughter 3 will stay. And so on.

All the sons do is call on phone. That's all. Not one visit. Yet the sons are always listed as next of kin.

Interestingly, most of these women were married and had jobs in faraway cities. Some had to give up their jobs, some had to take leave, while some had to ask to be transferred just so they could take care of their parents. Some of them actually go to work from there.

He ended it by saying he wanted girls. That didn't sit right with me because it seemed he wanted girls as potential caregivers and nothing more. But since I knew I wasn't going to be the mother of those bedside daughters, I kept my thoughts to myself.

Apart from the stats he pulled from the hospital, I noticed same trend in our society.

Husband is sick. Wife cares for him. Carries him everywhere. Does everything for him. Stays with him at the hospital. Gets a loan to use and blablabla.

Wife is sick. Wife's relatives come to take care of her. Wife's relatives carry her everywhere. Wife's relatives do everything for her. Wife's relatives stay with her at the hospital. Wife's relatives get a loan to use and blablabla. Husband starts cheating to relieve the "stress" of his wife's sickness.

I thought this was a Nigerian/African thing, but it is not. It is a universal thing.

In the western world, only 3% of wives leave their husbands when they are ill. But among women, about 21% of husbands leave their wives after they became ill. The men leave within 6 months of the diagnosis. This one is not from the bureau of inverifiable facts. This was from a detailed research that studied men and women and their fight or flight reactions to spousal illhealth.

I don't know where I'm going with this but I just wanted to remind you, woman, to put yourself first.

When shit hits the fan, you are all you've got.

These men ain't loyal!!

Copied

Women should marry men who really love and care for them.

Women should stop putting pressure on one another to be the primary caregiver.

Women should stop letting men get away with only providing.

Women should stop acting like their husbands are inept in child care. Might not be your way, however realize he also loves and is invested in the child.

Vyvyanvyvy:
I had 2 children when I got married my husband had none and accepted them like his own children. B4 marriage we had discussed about the children living with us after marriage but that couldn’t be possible anymore because we were having financial problem so we couldn’t afford to moved to a bigger apartment. We were staying in a room self contain with my daughter whyle my son was staying with my elder brother and his wife now three years after we had moved to a bigger house still my husband doesn’t want my son to come and live with us. At the moment my son is going thru hard times my sister in law has being maltreating him to an extent that he has being steeling he was caught and beaten like an animal my brother said he doesn’t want him in his house again he want me to come and collect him I pleaded with my husband for me to bring him with us but he said no he should stay there because he don’t want him to damage our children. I’m angry at him I stopped talking to him and I don’t know where my son will go because I have no mother no father it’s only my elder brother and kid sister even my sister who is married doesn’t want him. I’m pained and in tears seeing my only son suffering while I’m still alive and I’m helpless to protect him.

Madam,

I have gone through the thread and you have to stoop to conquer in this case.

Yes, your husband backed out of responsibility for your son or did he agree because your son was far away?

I see the whole 'I can fend for myself and I will rather be a single mom of four than let my son suffer bla bla'. Honestly? It is your pregnancy hormones talking.

If you really WANTED to be a single mother, you would not re-marry after having a 13yr old son and 9yr old daughter. You would probably have side boos.

What do you want to achieve? Your son living with you.

What are your husband's fears?
1. He has a girl and we know the awareness against child molestation. No matter how saintly you see your son, he is still your third daughter's step brother.

2. He clearly said he did not want your son to corrupt the girls.

Solution:
Acknowledge his fears and appeal to him that the boy needs you both as his parents right now. Let your husband see that your son is just acting out and enlist him to be his father figure. A father is not necessarily biological.

Also planning that you would solely fund your son while living with your husband is wrong. Your husband is not running a hotel service and might not want a boy under his roof he cannot be responsible for. I would not. Very young person under my roof would be accountable and cared for by my husband and I.

If you become single again as a result of this issue, you would resent your children from depriving you of what you are looking for in marriage.

In this case, you can have it 'all' if you married a reasonable man.

Davash222:
Your siblings that are your relatives doesn't want the boy but you want your husband that is not your relative to accept the boy
You should learn to attend to your responsibilities and mistakes. Don't drag your mistakes to that innocent man. He has done more than enough for you.

Marrying a Nigerian girl with two children(not even one) is not what every man can do. That man deserves peace and respect from you.

What is your advice in this case?

punisha:
David have u been faithful in cleaning only your wife?

Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehe!

Funny!

peepydelano:
Women are not designed to cheat,a normal woman should be OK with one sexual partner,anything aside that means whoring.

To think I thought the OP was serious.

Hahahahahahahaha!

peepydelano:
There's no faithful man anywhere,the few ones that claims to are being faithful for reasons not associated with discipline,if everything set for them they will ignite the cheating tendencies,it is nature and I think women should accept that or accept polygamy as the case may be.

If you claim no faithful husband anywhere, then why does this thread exist?

Very Interesting thread.

bocajunior37:
Please try and follow every detail of my story i need matured advice, please don't judge me.
Am a private school teacher and I got married three years ago my wife took in on our honeymoon night which was against my wish because after marriage guy man need to pick himself up after spending. Nine months later she delivered through ceseran (c.s) operation i had to borrow money from my boss 100k to pay back why working though we lost the baby due to stress. Last year she took in again, i prayed and cried to God for her to born successfully lo and behold she had to deliver through c.s again i was devasted, i cried and beg the doctor because the money for the operation is much i had to deposit my savings of 150k to the doctor and go out to source for the balance of 100k. I had to make use of my boss 100k without informing him to God be the glory the operation was successful my baby came out december 25th last year.
Now my boss want to arrest me because of his money i had to run away from my home please advice me..

Until you loose your entitlement mentality and realize you actually wronged your boss, I don't see a way out.

Your boss is within his rights to arrest you for stealing, you would only appeal he tempers justice with mercy.

Explain your plight and give him a payment plan with 10% as a sign of repentance.

NextD18:
Bukatyne, you are one of the few reasonable ladies on this forum and just too objective for my liking.

I don't know if you are really that way or pretending to be, but since I don't plans of accessing you beyond Nland, I'll focus on your e-persona and conclude that you are an awesome woman.

@bold: Not necessary.

Other compliments: thank you.

Hahahahahahaha at second bolded. That is so my line.